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Watch a shape-shifting Kim Kardashian talk 'alien sex' on Snapchat. Kanye seems into it.

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Kim Kardashian really enjoys Snapchat filters, especially one that makes her face look like an alien. She was using Snapchat in bed with Kanye, and he didn't seem to care. But when she mentioned "alien sex" and cackled, it actually made Kanye smile and audibly laugh. In case you didn't know, Kanye very rarely smiles in public anymore, so it's a huge deal:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDkvvdMF14a/?taken-by=kimmysnapchats

Kanye can then be heard off camera asking how long Kim plans to be using Snapchat. He must've been eager to try out that alien sex:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDkv2-ul14s/?taken-by=kimmysnapchats

Here's the best the Internet has to offer for alien sex:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BC_SLNViKP1/?tagged=aliensexhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BBnf2CBmFBG/?tagged=aliensexhttps://www.instagram.com/p/BCHIyxIyLqH/?tagged=aliensex

Hard to say what alien sex might mean for Kimye. Hopefully it doesn't invole a dildo that impregnates the user with alien eggs


Angry SFSU student’s tirade somehow makes the Internet feel bad for a white kid with dreadlocks.

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A video of a black San Francisco State University student employee confronting a white student for having dreadlocks is going viral. Many people chiming in are upset that the employee, who SF Weekly identified as Bonita Tindle, targeted the student, identified as Cory Goldstein, because of his race.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDlQ4H0Kdg8

The footage begins with Tindle asking her trench-coated friend if he has a pair of scissors to cut off Goldstein's hair, and only escalates from there.

Goldstein asks, "You're saying that I can't have a hairstyle because of your culture. Why?" Tindle responds by asserting, "Because it's my culture."

The skirmish continues as Goldstein points out that dreadlocks come from ancient Egypt. As he tries walking away from the altercation, Tindle blocks his path and grabs him, only to stop after realizing she's being filmed.

Goldstein told KRON4 News that the altercation began when Tindle pulled back a flier she was handing out to students and told him, "sorry we don't want people with your hair here."

The incident is stirring a wave of anger across the spectrum, providing fodder for conservative websites to bash the progressive left for using terms like "cultural appropriation," while liberal sites such as The Root have written that white people can have dreadlocks but should be prepared for scrutiny.

Tindle has since deleted her social media accounts, while Goldstein took to Facebook to tell people he was shaken but ultimately alright, and also implied his left-leaning ideological views in his refusal to speak with Fox News.

In a series of Facebook posts dated Monday, March 28, 2016 that have since made private or deleted, Goldstein wrote:

I just got physically assaulted because I have dreadlocks woe

Hey all so I wanted to mention that I am not filing any criminal charges against the girl who harassed me yesterday.... 

Lol fox news just called me trying to get rights to the video xD Swerve yeah how about no lol

 Just so people know ^-^

He even used the opportunity to promote his SoundClound account, which describes his DJ style as "Freeform Hardcore...utilizing tracks with hard hitting bass-lines, euphoric melodies, old school vibes, and acid rifts."

Hey all I just wanted to post my newest mix! No cultures where hurt in the making of this mix

Listen to his track 'Liberation Of The Purist Vol. 1' below.

Update 3/30/2016 4:32 pm: This post has been updated to reflect that Goldstein's Facebook posts have since been deleted or made private.  

American teen learns one of the 'weird things British people do' is tweet back in force.

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After one American student went on a huge Twitter rant attacking British culture, she inevitably received backlash from offended Britons. According to Wyoming Daily News, the 16-year-old girl, Madi, was apparently trending on Twitter this Monday after she ridiculed British customs—making fun of their “pale” skin and even—gasp—their food. 

Im gonna do a thread on weird things British people do.

Madi turned off her Twitter notifications when a rightfully angry mob of Brits flooded her feed with defensive statements. Her account has since been made private, but helloU has preserved her rant in several screengrabs, below.

Why do you say mum and not dud since yall are obsessed with u's.

Since when is an apartment called a flat that's weird stop it.

Why do yall say maths like what's the point in making it plural it's just math.

Why so many telephone booths yall got cellphones right.

RED BUSES EVERYWHERE.

Why is the drinking age 18 I'm still a kid at 18.

Your excessive use of lad and mate why can't you just say friend I don't get it.

Why do yall add unnecessary u's to words like honour and favourite it's literally honor and favorite.

What the hell is Boxing Day.

Why do yall call an elevator a lift its an elevator.

Why does everyone always say bloody like bloody hell w h y.

Why do you put xxxxxx after your sentences what does that even mean.

Why do you put the day before the month like 27 March it's definitely March 27.

Why do you guys say "Happy Christmas" and not "Merry Christmas"??? Are y'all not merry enough????

Why are yall always so pale does the sun even exist over there?

Why is the train called a tube that's not how it works.

It's not uni it's college.

Your British slang makes 0 sense.

Assuredly, dozens of Brits were not pleased with Madi’s attacks against their culture. They took to Twitter and fired back at the American teen’s comments:

https://twitter.com/roseadidas/status/714290120505970688?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/perkytroye/status/714387870350446592?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfwhttps://twitter.com/TRINITYFRANTA/status/714397659482746880?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Defending the sovereign state till death:

Madi defended herself by tweeting:

One thing's for sure, Madi apparently doesn't know the power that comes with speaking in the British accent.

Watch a 9-year-old girl destroy a Navy SEAL training course while you sit on your squishy butt.

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This will story will make you feel bad for eating pizza in bed: Milla Bizzotto is a 9-year-old girl who completed BattleFrog's Xtreme 24-hourRace, a dauntingly long obstacle course that was originally created for US Navy SEALs. Bizzotto weighs only 53 pounds, proving that big things come in small packages. She often uploads pictures and videos of her doing her badass thing to her Instagram page.

Besides running a race that literally lasted for a full day, Milla has also taken part in BattleFrog's 15k, as well as a Spartan Sprint obstacle race. Next up, Milla will attend an invite-only Athlete's Race in Miami before heading off to Hawaii to run the Spartan Trifecta. Doesn't just reading that make you tired? How does Milla muster the athletic vigor is takes to run these races created for people at least twice her age? Well, she has an incredible support system behind her, led by her father/coach/biggest fan, Christian Bizzotto.  

Christian is the co-founder of Focused Movement Academy, a gym that provides fitness coaching and programming. Although Milla has always liked being at the gym, her passion for fitness turned serious after she was being bullied by classmates. Milla now spends several hours after school in the gym from Monday to Friday. Although Milla never had to physically defend herself against those who picked on her, the bullying ceased when she became more confident and learned how to rely own her power. Who would want to mess with a girl who does deadlifts?

She has even got the inspirational-gym-pic-Instagram-lingo down, and is perpetually in #beastmode. Milla used her platform as a young fitness star on the rise to inspire other kids to head an anti-bullying campaign. Christian began an after-school program called "Spartan Kids" to help children overcome physical and metaphorical obstacles. He told ABC News that the things you learn while training for a race could be applied to other parts of your life, like doing a paper for school, or learning how to deal with an argument.

Milla wants to inspire people to get off their couches and get moving, but you're probably reading this sitting down, aren't you?  No worries, it looks like this little fitness warrior is more than happy to do the heavy lifting all by herself.

Watch a wild panther run away from apparently terrifying woman with Wisconsin accent.

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A panther was taking a stroll through his home in the Corkscrew Swamp Sanctuary in Naples, Florida when it met a woman hanging out on a path. Upon seeing the woman (Ms. Tina Dorschel of Wisconsin), the cougar ran for its life while the lady uttered a few words of terror. Maybe the cougar doesn't like Wisconsin accents?

https://www.facebook.com/tina.dorschel/videos/10207553046537178/?autoplay_reason=gatekeeper&video_container_type=1&app_id=6628568379

"Oh my gaw, oh my gaw, oh my gaw," is what Dorschel said, and what the panther was probably thinking as it clumsily skidded right the hell out of there. 

North West gives her mom a 'Frozen'-inspired braid and protects her from skeletons in Snapchats even you can't resist.

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In between capturing nudeselfies and helping some random teen become Internet famous, Kim Kardashian also uses her social media power to post adorable Snapchat content of her 2-year-old daughter, North West.

On Tuesday, Kim K posted a snap of North giving her momma a Frozen-inspired hairdo, which the tot calls an “Anna braid.” Take a look:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDjoVUUF14g/

Kim K said in her snaps that North spent the entire day in a ladybug costume. Apparently, she wore the cute outfit so that she can protect Kim from “skeletons.”

Being a ladybug apparently also insulated North from the terror of Snapchat filters, which have scared so many other children (to parent's delight). “They’re not scary,” North said of the spooky filter.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDjoNa7F14W/https://www.instagram.com/p/BDkvfVel14D/

It remains to be seen if ladybug North would be scared of the most frightening use of the filters: modifying the GOP debate. Fortunately, this world-famous baby has tons of outfits to protect her from the devilish features of technology.

Article 21

5 pranks that show why April Fool's and college admissions season should not mix.

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High school is always fraught with anxiety, but especially towards the end of senior year. Spring is when most college admissions decisions are mailed out, sealing the fates of precocious teenagers and verifying whether or not a friendless four years of high school was worth it. But because the calendar is mean, decision season coincides with April Fool's Day, and young pranksters don't miss the opportunity to celebrate both things at once. Here are examples of college admissions-related pranks people played on their "friends" and other admissions jokes that fooled the Internet.

1. The teenage dirtbag who created a fake rejection letter for his "promposal."

USC you at prom?

In a move that is some next-level negging, a dude named Dylan created a convincing fake letter from the University of South Carolina telling his girlfriend that her acceptance has been rescinded. Romantic, eh? The letter includes this charming paragraph: 

It saddens us to say that you [sic] admissions is in jeopardy, and we may have to pull our admissions from you due to your poor ethic and attendance. However if you were to just agree to go to prom with your boyfriend we would consider letting you continue to be a South Carolina Gamecock.

It's not quite romantic to turn that heart attack of a prank into a *heart* attack.

2. The bros who did the hilarious twofer: college rejection and army induction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bY4fBYnIt4A

Hilarious "friends" wanted to make sure a dude thought his dreams were destroyed from all different angles. First, they invented a non-existent draft, complete with letters from the Armed Forces and President of the United States, stating that the prankee would be required to join the military. They then created a rejection letter from Northern Kentucky University as a cherry on top. His reaction is heartbreaking. Ha ha?!

3.  The teen who fooled the Internet with her Harvard rejection swag.

Turns out it wasn't veritas.

While a senior in high school, Molly McGaan wrote a satirical Harvard rejection letter for her school's humor magazine, Citizen Poke, and it went crazy viral for its dankness:

...we are unable to offer admission to every student, regardless of their proficiency in "dank memes," or their level of "$wagg moneyyyy." Although your GPA and ACT scores were certainly up to our standards, your essays raised some eyebrows at the admissions meetings. For future reference, it is not wise to start an essay with the words, "listen here u little slanks" and end with "McGaan out *drops mic*"...

We also suggest obtaining recommendation letters from teachers or trusted mentors, not "my #4 side ho Derek" or Chief Keef, who submitted a picture of a dinosaur drawn in crayon on a rolling paper.

The Internet loved the idea that the tweed-covered Harvard admissions officers would encounter an application that includes a "fire" mixtape and would take the time to quote it. Sadly, the letter was fake, but the writer's rejection from Harvard was real.

4. The siblings who forged a letter from their sister's dream school.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtgu-IyN6qI

What's worse? Thinking you got a rejection letter from a college you were actually accepted to, or thinking you got accepted to a college when the verdict isn't out yet? These siblings thought it would be fun to print a letter from Northeastern University—but their sister caught on when she was dubious about the size of the envelope. While it would be exponentially meaner if it was confirmed that she didn't get in, the prank is still pretty bad. 

5. The shitty friend whose prank went so deep he turned to Yahoo Answers.

A friendly reminder that pranks are often forgery and fraud.

This dude went full-on fraud with his "prank," creating a fake email account using the real name of the dean. While the dude claims be a friend, he did lovingly say that the guy "had little chances of being accepted," and the whole community was fooled before he sent the retraction. The people on Yahoo Answers told the prankster to come clean immediately. This was six years ago, and the thread ends with a cliffhanger. It's unknown whether this guy is in jail or whether he learned to use proper punctuation.


Article 19

This creepy selfie reflection has the Internet crying out in fear of Satan.

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Twitter user @itsthemans posted a photo sourced from 9GAG that for some reason has only now captured the Internet's attention with its ghostly image. The photo shows two people taking a selfie that looks ordinary until you spot a reflection in the glass that is definitely the sign of the devil, or something.

It appears that the reflection of the woman in the glass behind her shows her face instead of the back of her head. This suggests the woman can spin her head around Exorcist style, or has two faces.

Here's a close-up of the satanic forces at work in this photo.

@itsthemans offered no rationale to the photo when he first tweeted it: 

https://twitter.com/itsthemans/status/714228015681695744

The photo has since attracted the attention of many others who are similarly confused and scared of ever closing their eyes again:

https://twitter.com/GabigailX/status/714412833023332352https://twitter.com/JunkieCentric/status/715038567957979137https://twitter.com/Laurminahsus/status/714603226016776193https://twitter.com/itsReema___/status/714662382270812162https://twitter.com/durrellyrell/status/714730209384210432https://twitter.com/LuisDiez/status/715048106950279168https://twitter.com/QraganRagan/status/714692082959515648

Thus far the strongest explanation that the Internet has come up with is that the woman is a Professor Quirrell-type who's toting around an evil wizard on the back of her head. Then again, there could be other reasons why there's the creepy reflection in the glass.

What is the source of the "face" in the window?

Article 17

Miley Cyrus has a new haircut her stylist describes as 'Swedish pornstar.' Apparently that's a good thing.

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Miley Cyrus has a new, platinum-blonde haircut that her stylist is calling her "Swedish pornstar" look. Despite that X-rated reference, it might be the most demure hair Cyrus has sported since wearing a blonde Hannah Montana wig.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDjDIKGSij7/

Though she seems to like the Targaryen-ish color, she isn't sure about the bangs:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDlNuIfQzFt/?taken-by=mileycyrus

Lately, Miley Cyrus had been wearing her hair either very cropped or with dreadsy hair extensions. You know, like this:

Or this look, in which you can't help but look at her... hair:

Of course, Cyrus is constantly changing her look, so don't be surprised if she goes bald tomorrow.

Article 15

Kim Kardashian and Emily Ratajkowski's boobs join forces in a semi-nude selfie.

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Because Kim Kardashian is still looking for something to wear publicity, she has posted another nude selfie. This one has even more nudity than that other one, since model and nude-selfie supporter Emily Ratajkowski has taken off her top alongside Kardashian.

In case their anti-slut-shaming message wasn't clear enough, they're each flipping the bird in the photo that confirms the black rectangle is the trendiest look this season.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDloqtVuSzr/?taken-by=kimkardashian

When we're like...we both have nothing to wear LOL @emrata

Ratajkowski posted the same image but with a slightly different filter and a very different quote. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BDlrGRbS2VO/?taken-by=emrata

We are more than just our bodies, but that doesn't mean we have to be shamed for them or our sexuality. #liberated

Together, their boobs will accomplish so much more. Most likely by spawning even more slut-shaming comments, and perhaps by empowering a few people.   

They're powering up just like this, but with boobs.

What are your thoughts on Kim Kardashian and Emily Ratajkowski's selfie?

Iggy Azalea's fiance admitted on video to cheating on her in the first thing you've read about Iggy that makes you feel for her.

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Breaking news: you might develop sympathy for Iggy Azalea today. That's because the appropriation-happy rapper is engaged to L.A. Lakers baller Nick Young, and he was caught on video bragging about cheating on Iggy like he was talking about dunking on [insert basketball player here].

https://twitter.com/Fameolous/status/712976966257737730?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

The video was apparently taken by Young's teammate D'Angelo Russell, something that Azalea thanked Russell for:

https://twitter.com/IGGYAZALEA/status/715080842138103808

That has got to be an awkward locker room—and it's even more awkward for Iggy Azalea, who, y'know, got cheated on. Allegedly. To that end, TMZ is saying that sources say Azalea and Young are close to breaking off their engagement. It's okay to still hate "Fancy," though, don't worry.


The 'Honest Trailer' for 'The Revenant' is as funny as the movie is unrelentingly violent.

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The Honest Trailer people are back, this time taking on the happy-go-lucky tale that won Leonardo DiCaprio his first little gold man, The Revenant. The parody trailer raises several good questions: did the sky's performance deserve an Oscar just as much as Leo's did? Is the story behind the film's production more interesting than the film itself? Could The Revenant easily just have been the next Jackass film? Watch Screen Junkies' thesis, which answers all three questions with a resounding yes, below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_v2O8OYvCo

If you liked that, check out the Honest Trailer for every Best Picture film in one

'Freak accident' doesn't even begin to describe what happened to this Tennessee driver.

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Jump 100 years into the future and imagine someone telling you that his car got tangled up in power lines. Just another driver whose flying car malfunctioned. Normal, right? Yup, but it’s 2016 and there are no flying cars to be seen. On Saturday, a lady in Tennessee apparently got herself into what authorities are calling a “freak accident.” Somehow, the 56-year-old woman got her car stuck in power lines above ground. 

The vehicle was dangling 7 feet above ground for two hours, The Huffington Post reports. According to WBBJ 7 News, the lady wasn’t familiar with the location and she lost control of her car after driving above the speed limit (30 mph) in Medina, Tennessee. 

After losing control, the woman drove off the road and smashed into a fence. Then, she continued driving and her car landed on some wire attached to a utility pole. The wire, with seemingly unbelievable strength, coiled around one of the car’s tires and lifted the lady’s poor Saturn into the air. This is just insane:

https://twitter.com/WBBJ7Dan/status/713600402697154560?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Police told WBBJ that there were no signs of medical conditions, drugs, alcohol, or other distractions that may have caused the accident.

“The main thing was to get the power lines secured and to get her out of there,” the Medina Fire Chief told The Jackson Sun. "I’ve been doing this for 38 years, and I’ve never seen this before."

https://twitter.com/MarandaFaris/status/713610109696389121?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Safety workers managed to get up to the car and break the window so they could bring the woman down. The lady was taken to local hospital and was treated for minor injuries.

Fortunately, the lady didn't need to capture a selfie to prove the freakish accident actually happened.

Woman wakes up one day unable to swallow thanks to relatively common virus.

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Here is a new thing to be scared about: imagine waking up one day and inexplicably not be able to swallow. This was the case for Samantha Anderson, a mother of three from Australia. At the time, Anderson was 39 years old, enjoying life as a goldsmith while running her own jewelry gallery. But everything changed for the wife and mother when she woke up one day and could not swallow one bite of her breakfast. Since that first bite, she's endured a long, hellish battle just to feed herself that has lasted over two years. Anderson spoke in detail about her experiences in an essay she wrote the National Foundation for Swallowing Disorders:

I woke up one morning as usual, went downstairs, made myself some peanut butter toast and a cup of tea and sat down to eat breakfast. It was a Saturday. I took a bite and chewed as normal, but as I pushed the food to the back of my mouth to swallow, nothing happened. My throat remained relaxed, open. I squeezed my mouth tighter, pushed back harder, still nothing…until I felt it hit my airway. I was choking!

Even liquids were hard to swallow for Anderson.

Over the next several months she tried hypnosis, anti-depressants, and counseling, but nothing helped her to swallow. During this time, eating solid food was completely out of the question, and Anderson was sustaining herself on a liquid diet, even though she still suffered from choking all the while. 

I felt sure I would die; either slowly by starvation or quickly from choking. My days became solely about survival. Trying to find ways to trick my body to get the food down. I would set goals for myself – a whole tub of yoghurt, a glass of water and two whole strawberries to be consumed by the end of the day. I rarely met them. I was barely sleeping and was consumed by my hunger. I felt broken and desperate. 

Hope finally came when an ENT doctor suggested that Anderson's swallowing problem was not psychological at all, but rather neurological. Anderson recalled having a rash on her ear several weeks before she stopped being able to swallow. She assumed it was a small patch of cold sores and put a cold sore cream on them. During that same time, Anderson was also suffering from painful headaches and some numbness on the left side of her face and throat. It was about a week after those symptoms subsided that problems with her swallowing started. 

Turns out those were not harmless cold sores at all; it was a very severe case of Shingles that went undiagnosed for nine months. According to WebMD, Shingles is a painful skin rash, and someone with Shingles may experience burning, numbness, and itching as well as flu-like symptoms such as chills, stomach pains, and diarrhea. But Shingles can do more than that: in Anderson's case, it ended up traveling into Anderson's head through her ear canal and damaged four of Anderson's cranial nerves, which triggered her swallowing issue. At this point, there was nothing Anderson or her doctors could do but wait to see if the nerves would repair themselves. 

The Shingles virus wreaked havoc on Anderson's cranial nerves.

At that point, Anderson had to have a feeding tube inserted, which helped her get the nourshiment she needed. But even after 18 months with the tube and trying to retrain herself to eat, she still struggles. 

To read more about Samantha Anderson's experience, including her time with the feeding tube, check out her entire essay for the National Foundation for Swallowing Disorders..

Study says vegetarianism might give you cancer, so eat what you want because everyone is screwed.

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It is an absolute certainty that we are all going to die someday, but the latest study out of Cornell University suggests that vegetarians just might die sooner. It isn't simply nature's way of trying to get vegetarians to shut up—but genetic mutations from a meat-free diet that increases risk of both cancer and heart disease.

the office kevin diet healthy vegetables
A death sentence.

The study "compared hundreds of genomes from a primarily vegetarian population in Pune, India to traditional meat-eating people in Kansas and found there was a significant genetic difference." Scientists believe that the mutation developed to make it easier for vegetarians to absorb the essential fatty acids from the plants, which makes them more susceptible to inflammation.

diet healthy cookie monster vegetarian vegetables
"You hath betrayed me, broccoli!"

It's a tough blow to vegetarianism's ego, especially after a recent study declared that its not as environmentally conscious as people think. While it might be fun to have this one on your obnoxious vegan friends, another study states that grilled meat can be linked to lung cancer.

So pick one: your heart or your lungs? Burgers or veggies? Pick your poison.

Chase Bank freezes man's money because they thought his dog was ISIS.

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Earlier this March, a San Francisco man named Bruce Francis made a payment to his dog walker, and Chase Bank reportedly froze his payment because they thought it was a payment for The Islamic State (ISIS). Francis, who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis, placed the name of his pit bull on the memo line of his payment. Chase told KTVU that the name of Francis' pup "Dash" apparently looked similar to the word "Daesh"—the Arabic word identifying the terrorist organization

Here's a photo of Francis with his dog, Dash:

https://twitter.com/MonteReports/status/713568465945104385?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

The bank released the payment after they reached out to Francis, having realized the whole thing was a misunderstanding. The dog owner said there is no bad blood over the situation. “I think anything we can do to stop the terrorists and the funding of terrorists, let’s do it,” Francis told KTVU. “And if it means an inconvenience to me and my dogwalker (sic), then that’s a price I’m totally willing to pay.”

One Chase Bank representative said it was necessary for the Chase staff to verify the payment under the rules of the Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC), The Huffington Post reports. By validating the payment under OFAC's guidelines, it will help stop crime from slipping “through the U.S. banking system.” 

Take a deeper look into the story by watching KTVU's video of the incident, below:

If you're reading this Hillary Clinton, make sure that you don't make any bank payments under your old cat's name, ISIS.

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