Apparently, this is a thing that can happen.
Claire Berlinski is an "American novelist, freelance journalist, travel writer and biographer" currently living in Paris, France. That sounds very romantic, in an Ernest Hemingway-Gertrude Stein kind of way, doesn't it?
A couple days ago, she got trapped in her bedroom when her pet cats (one of which can be seen here on her website's biography page) somehow or other "knocked the handle off [her] bedroom door," leaving her unable to escape for several hours. That's decidedly less romantic, in a your crazy aunt to whom things are always happening kind of way.
Luckily, Ms. Berlinski had the Internet, so she was able to document the whole frustrating ordeal in 140-characters-or-less chunks. The results were brilliant:
Tried: coat hanger, nail file, credit card, kicking the door down. (Very well made door! Bravo French construction!) Any other bright ideas?
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Apparently, the door was considerably more well-made then the handle. Probably outsourced to some Italians.
Happily, I'm on the side of the door with the bathroom and the Internet (although not the phone, screwdrivers or 4D40.) I could last days.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
This here is what the problem looks like. pic.twitter.com/8ocscidruo
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
I'm not terribly unhappy about the situation. I reckon it'll get sorted in due time, and meanwhile I've got lots to read.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Insanity has yet to set in. This, however, is only the beginning.
OK, so, my Pop is now aware of the situation. He'll be over in about an hour. Then I'll have an analytic philosopher on the job.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
My Pop's now e-mailing me about "what he saw a professional thief do on TV" and whether he can throw a sandwich through the window.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Thank God the Nicorette is on this side of the door. #lockgate
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Is this the first sign of some fraying nerves?
So--theoretically--why would nothing I'm trying be working? Could I have damaged the lock in my efforts to open the door?
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Yes, definitely some fraying nerves.
Oh--this is chutzpahdik. The cats are now meowing and pawing at the door because they want to be let in.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
The cats seem to have gone back to sleep.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
So far: No locksmith. Three broken toothbrushes. Two broken hangers. Three broken nail files. Two bleeding fingers. Morale excellent.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
But just when things seem their darkest, there is a glimmer of the coming dawn...
Footsteps and voices! My liberation is at hand, I know it! Vive la France!
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Take note of that excitement. It won't last.
So ... what would you say to the locksmith who tells me I need to open the door for him? Because that just happened.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
I hear a drill. That's a more encouraging sound than the locksmith asking me if I might jump out the window, I guess.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
I hear hammering. I'm sure I'll be free soon. Then all I'll have to worry about is debtor's prison.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Apparently, locksmiths are really expensive in Paris. Maybe people being imprisoned by their pets is a somewhat common occurrence over there.
For God's sake, this man has a drill, a hammer and opposable thumbs. What's his problem? I'd have been out of here hours ago if I had that.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
I could have drilled a hole from my apartment to the Seine in this amount of time.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Okay, seriously--why can't the locksmith get the door open? I mean, he's got a drill. You drill. This isn't solving Fermat's Last Theorem.
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
Pierre de Fermat was a French mathematician. This witticism checks out, mes amis.
Then, just as suddenly as the nightmare started, it drew to an end:
Well, I'm glad that amused everyone. But it wound up costing so much that I'm done laughing about it. #freeatlast
— Claire Berlinski (@ClaireBerlinski) June 25, 2014
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of pernicious pets, it was the age of lackadaisical locksmiths, it was the epoch of frustrating boredom, it was the epoch of sudden Internet stardom.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)