"Yeah I had fun in college, except for that year I was a live-in sex slave for Gandalf."(Via)
Looking for a roommate is every young person's rite of passage, and like most rites this one often ends in bloodshed. Searching the ads you learn all about the human condition and its propensity for veganism, nudism, and in-home compost heaps. These immensely entertaining ads represent the full spectrum of strange, scary and delightfully insane characters encountered during the typical Craigslist roommate search.
Does the other wife also have to be a "state fitness winner"? Or just a medalist? (Via)
Not bad, but how much "walking around" is required. Sexy dudes can be lazy too.(Via)
Count the exclamation points. That's how many times per week this guy will accuse you of leaving a dish in the sink.(Via)
Updated 5/27/14:
I may let you pay for shelter with prostitution, but I draw the line at parties!
Okay, that's a nice living room. Maybe staring at balls all day is worth it?
Yoga, vegan, fine. Why'd you have to bring "hugs" into it?!
"Curvy" woman for cleaning? At least the "barter for sex" guy was up front about it.
Doesn't Craigslist have a "no astrological discrimination" policy?
Updated 4/24/14:
Nothing like a roommate whose primary demand is "care for me." (Via)
It pays to read the entire ad before setting up an appointment.
It can be assumed a prerequisite it you have to murder the existing neighbor.(Via)
So wait. Loving dirt and kidnapped sex partners is cool? Got it.
Craiglist would free up a lot of space if they just had a separate "Sex Slave Wanted" section.
Updated 3/26/14:
Just don't start the dialogue with, "So what are you wearing?"
You better like him. It's really hard to move out in the middle of the ocean.
Hi. Please help me fulfill my dream of having live-in threesomes. I can offer shelter.
So if I move in, is that thing in the corner up for grabs?
It's bi day today. Do bisexual people date or do they jump straight into moving in together?
It might be worth moving in with this couple just to watch their relationship disintegrate.
Updated 2/27/14:
Sorry, but if you ingest dairy, no live-in threesome situation for you!
You get a nice room, and every once in a while you have to carry the pumpkin.
Why's "taking a shit" a part of it? Nudism and poop don't go hand-in-hand.
That's how you write a nudist ad. Touching makes sense. Doesn't say a word about poop.
Stay away. Based on 'House Of Cards,' government-workers are all murdering psychopaths.
Updated 1/28/14:
This couple really knows how to cut to the chase. (Via)
Watch over a terrified young person 24/7 and you live rent free!
You had me at the nazi tattoo on your arm. (Via)
Just a tip, 420 really helps ease people into the "walking around nude" thing.
Updated 10/3/13:
Amenities include use of the anti-bacterial footbath.
There was one misprint in the ad. Not sure how "no sex" got in there. Damn typos.
I just require the incomparable cooking and cleaning skills or a stripper or escort.
Have sex with me and you could have days of shelter. Days!
I'm really horny and need a ride to the airport. Thanks.
Go with this guy. He's the only one who's actually interested in you living.
Updated 9/3/13:
Okay, but I get to be the big spoon.
She already evicted me!
Define "basic cuddling." Does that include nose nuzzling? I draw the line at nose nuzzling.
"Mature" means you can't make fart sounds every time you see his bare ass.
So it's either rape or murder but you can't do both. Don't be a greedy roommate!
I don't know. I saw a hole in Brooklyn for only $525.
Updated 8/2/13:
Wow, a two-bedroom!
But if the dog and cat are fixed, no worries about cross-species breeding with my gator!
Expect a lot of responses from people convinced they're the ones who'll make you happy.
I just get along better with women in the sex industry. Sorrrrrr-REE!
An apartment above a garage on a golf course? Feet don't fail me now!
Updated 7/2/13:
Baby's busy covering your "conditions." Ask your meth head friends to do a quick revision.
What kind of woman would go for this?!
There she is. How can we connect these two?
If the two above got this guy as a landlord, the entire living arrangement would be sexualized!
Cats okay ever since we realized we have no way of keeping them out.
Updated 6/5/13:
How cool is this place? They even have their own super-soakers!
Bet this dump will be super-soaker free.
You being hot is payment enough...until I raise the rent with a demand for sex.
I hate people who have a bunch of hangups. Oh and also, NO GAYS!!!
Actually, screw the room rental. Just let me and my husband have sex with you, cool?
Pretty sure this is a parody, but it has a important message: Never, ever live with a hippie.
Updated 5/2/13:
And he does mean "lady!" Mannered, highborn asians to cook and clean and live in a basement, only!
We can't see the downside. For you. For us, this is awful.
The orange one ate the last roommate.
"lol" = Loser Online.
At least this ad's upfront about the cats. And the old women.
Nerd Manor awaits you.
Updated 4/2/13:
Our day-to-day hairstyle would best be described as "dandruffy."
You can't just adopt a big dog? Or lure a drunk stranger home with you?
Except if you're a Judo guy and he's into Jujitsu, it'll never work.
Drive me to the airport. Pick up my laundry. Hourly nude fast-dancing. You know, "favors."
Great idea, but you'll still get the crazies. It's not the ad, there just isn't anyone else on Craigslist.
Updated 2/12/13:
Your handwritten "No Girls Allowed" sign will look great above the entranceway.
At $500 a month your wife can afford to leave out some bras and panties for Travis.
Oh and I'm saving water so we'll have to share showers too. Cool?
Blonde dye jobs need not apply. HE WILL NOT SHARE ACCOMMODATIONS WITH LIARS!
Unless he's shaved, don't eat that breakfast, roomie.
Updated 10/16/12:
What if we prefer a Caps-Lock-Free living space?
If you hold the belt for our autoerotic asphyxiation sessions, it's a deal.
Don't laugh. Our Dad and Mom fell in love when she answered his "Used Chevy For Sale And Let's Get Married" ad.
Better headline would be "Severely Malfunctioning Humanoid Seeks No One."
No go. We did some stuff when we were three that we don't wanna remember. Suffice to say, it involved Weeble Wobbles.
Define "sexy." Also, this being Craigslist, define "women."
Updated 8/27/12:
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Updated 7/10/12:
Updated 5/1/12:
Updated 2/9/12:
Posted 8/26/11:
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