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School tells students they're all smart no matter their test scores. The Internet ate it up.

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I don't even want to start talking about their comma placements.

Uggggggghhhhhhhhh. 

Listen: I 100% agree with the general sentiment behind this letter, but a saccharine endorsement of the idea that society's quantitative measurements of intelligence are not perfect is not heroic. I'm glad the Barrowford school in Lancashire, England sent this out, and I'm glad these kids are hearing this message, but the super-sappy response this letter has gotten all over the Internet has turned me into a cranky old rage machine. 

You know how much help this will give Charlie Owen in life? None. All those extra things they list? Those are the things every single kid claims to do when they're applying for college. You ARE graded on that, because you're competing against kids who do all that and scored well on standardized tests.

If they wanted parents to feel less insecure about their special little flower being crushed by the arbitrary rules of life, they could encourage them to contact politicians to change the system. That would be almost as ridiculously optimistic, however, so I'm proposing this alternate letter to send to students:

"Everything is rigged. If you don't play the game, "they" will make it very hard for you. Yes, there is a "they," and "they" want 90% of you to be menial workers, and this is where "they" start putting you in that box. So, you have three options in life: 1.) figure out how to take these tests and beat the system so you can end up on top of it, 2.) develop a philosophy that allows you to be happy in the face of a broken economy, or 3.) organize your other low performers to burn this place to the ground."

Or, you know, they could just bask in the Facebook likes and send out another comforting letter to their graduates in 10 years assuring them that success in life isn't measured in money or respect.

(by Johnny McNulty)


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