Maybe send a lifeguard. He's flailing.(Via)
Don't judge! Face-to-face human interaction has been dead since 2008. How else are we supposed to find love anymore, if not by posting and messaging each other a list of all the stuff we'd like to do to each other? Of course, sometimes your Facebook friends can get a little over-eager, maybe a little too excited to discuss their own anatomy, and that's when they end up on this list celebrating Facebook users trying to establish a romantic connection with no regard for their own dignity.
One day someone not related to you who isn't a part of the greatest generation will give you a like. (Via)
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For post-world cup pickups, you tailor your lines to entire nations and see who bites.(Via)
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She's about to discover a lot of her male friends are forgetful. (Via)
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Make sure your spam messages offering revenge sex end politely.(Via)
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Thank you, heroic sir, for never going a day without reminding every woman on your friend list how creepy you are. (Via)
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Updated 6/8/14:
"Elastic collision" is what science geeks call a one-night stand apparently. (Via)
You can do that on Facebook? Is that through Facebook Gifts? (Via)
He'll get you to the starting line. Then you're on your own.(Via)
You could also leave this on a giant net then trap him when you get a taker. (Via)
To anyone who wants to help this kid, he's provided a handy hashtag to respond with. (Via)
"Lol" means "I'm just kidding unless you're into it!" (Via)
Updated 5/12/14:
60 more comments and she'll know you mean it. (Via)
The mushrooms just turn your hair into snakes so don't waste time on the gel. (Via)
Are you from a poorly funded school district? Cos daaayuum! (Via)
Dude's got $35K. If you have a lifetime to spare, you're in business. (Via)
Paying for love isn't desperate. It's supporting small businesses. (Via)
As it happens, I have been meaning to try out this new saddle. (Via)
That deescalated quickly. (Via)
Updated 4/13/14:
No better way to woo a lover than to call them "braahh."
Can't imagine why.
Eventually every woman gets sick of the toy boys and wants to meet a toy man.(via)
"Super cute slut" is exactly what he was going for! Those Kmart glamour shots paid off!(via)
Before the Internet, them titties could only be snail-mailed. #miracles(via)
Updated 2/9/14:
They always lose interest the minute you take off the zombie makeup.
I thought posting Happy Bday on his wall was enough. This is getting out of hand.
He's going to regret this when she starts hitting on his friends. (Via)
Dammit. Fell in love again. Stupid literacy!
Girls love a gentleman who respects their fragile insecurity.
Do you want a husband or a wifey? Make up your mind and stop playing with hearts!
Does that come before or after the cake?
Updated 1/9/14:
You called him bro. He thought that meant you were dating. (Via)
This was the year he found out Santa's so not real. (Via)
If you kept the wishing on the stars and off Facebook, you'd have a way better shot.(Via)
Guess who just became ineligible for the boyfriend part. (Via)
That went well.(Via)
Updated 12/12/13:
Perhaps this should have gone in the "Enterprising Entrpreneurs On FB" list. (Via)
A dog humping a leg has more game. (Via)
Oh God! She shrunk!(Via)
Yes, mom! Go over and teach him to take some frigging initiative.(Via)
Correctional, like jail? Don't send pics! He just wants to trade them for cigarettes. (Via)
Updated 11/14/13:
The real fight will happen when those four girls start arguing over who gets which imbecile.
Click like if only interested in being mistress.
You should all be euthanized.
In committed relationships?
Okay, if you can't tolerate all that, I'll set for someone who likes weed.
Say hello to the 2013 version of "will you wear my varsity jacket?"
Updated 10/29/13:
How to choose! The "looking good" guy or the "shoo wee" guy? Can't she have both?!
Way to 100% safeguard yourself against even the hint of rejection, player.
Can't wait to hear your self-written vows.
How many relationships are undone by a man tagging another woman in his dessert?
Study hard. Handsome gentle boyfriends don't look twice at girls who don't pass Maori.
So hard to balance romance and coloring books in a young girl's life.
Updated 9/27/13:
Let him know you like him with constant comment-section harassment!
The surrounding towns heard a rumble from the stampede of interested parties racing to be "boned."
Alien seeks girl with dimples. Must loathe grammar.
If you ever get a girlfriend, delete this status if you want to keep all your limbs.
That was one hell of a meet-cute story. Did Nora Ephron write that dialogue?
Can't you just donate it or something? Virginity is tax-deductible.
Updated 8/12/13:
I think the strip club advertisement really likes me!
Prom's boring anyway. Just stay home and post on Facebook in a fancy outfit.
You know your moves are working when she has to insist "I'm not a whore."
It's a medical condition. He has no hands. Pity him.
Facebook: The perfect way to know who to avoid at Thanksgiving.
Facebook won't let you put your relationship status in bold, neon font.
Updated 7/11/13:
Do you find me attractive? How about if I remove my genitals? Oh wait, I'm sad now.
Not as classy as the story of the lady who rose from a lake holding a penis.
The day Ben's penis unfriends Ben's brain...we're all doomed.
And you're narrating it at 4:46 am.
Give her seven more months to respond, then she's gone.
Some things the Like button just doesn't convey.
Updated 6/13/13:
Did he ever think to say, "PLEASE hit me up, bitches?"
The ultimate pickup line is the one with an "insert your name here" space.
Wait, are there women who can orgasm without crying?
Every girl's just looking for a man who'll relocate at the first hint that she's available.
So would Tom Cruise be Jesus's father-in-law in this? That's a hell of a family tree.
If Facebook offered a "Translated to reflect your actual thoughts" button.
Updated 1/2/13:
And some penicillin.
Oh she's committed. Just boobs then?
Ladies, stay out of the Axe aisle at Walmart tonight.
Stop promoting your stupid camel farm and celebrate the fact that it's Wednesday!
That'll do.
Give her a chance. She probably has hard candy and a check for five bucks.
Updated 10/30/12:
Maybe 'F' and 'U' should be introduced to each other.
It's a trap!
He took a shot. A ridiculously humiliating shot.
He just has elegant penmanship.
If only Facebook allowed him to type in a blinking neon lit font to get the point across.
Not going to end well at all.
Updated 9/17/12:
Posted 6/21/12:
