Be sure to whisper around this guy. (via)
Colton Haynes' Twitter bio reads "Actor. Uncle. Goof." The former model has done plenty of acting, but last night he chose to showcase his goof skills by live-tweeting a nearby couple's awkward first date. Haynes was dining alone, and to everyone around him probably appeared to be just another actor with a lot on his plate (Figuratively. No one in Hollywood ever has a lot on their actual plate.) and staring at his phone.
Little did Tracey and "Dan," the mulleted, still-married director, know that Haynes was listening to their conversation, and when he heard the guy attempting to impress the girl with his past sexual conquests, Colton decided to share the experience with his 936K followers on Twitter. Not cool! Humorous, but still, not cool!
If you're above this sort of thing, congratulations (I'm with you, just doing my job as an entertainment journalist!). The rest of you gossip-mongers should take a long, hard look at yourselves in the reflection of your smartphones, right after you finish reading this.
I am sitting next to the a couple on their 1st date who met online and it's a conversation I have to live tweet about right now. Stay tuned
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
He's currently explaining to her the amount of women he's hooked up with after the first date...it's a lot
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
O god...he's still married
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
She keeps tossing her hair...I honestly think she's into it. They r now discussing name pronunciation...I have to secretly film this
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
She needs to speak up...now multiple ppl are trying to listen. I'm alone so I guess they have a one up on me but this needs to be documented
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
HE JUST CALLED HER THE WRONG NAME!!! After 30 mins of their date, he called her Terry...her name is Tracey
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Awkward silence followed by a bathroom break on his part...I can't get a read on Tracey yet
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Thk god he just peed...he's back. Cue Tracey leaving to the bathroom. Might I add, she didn't check her phone once, he just got on his
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Let's just name him Dan...he looks like a Dan. I am now staying at dinner to see if his horrible lines work...why am I so invested?
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Dan has a mullet...and a beard...2 things that could be love blinding Tracey...hurry the hell up Tracey, Jesus, the audience is waiting...
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
O shit...Dan is a director...should I make my presence known? #GodIhopeIgetIt
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Seriously Tracey...seriously???!!! Why u gotta make this hard on me,speak up and NEVER lean in when Dan goes for the "arm around chair" move
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
She just ordered a water. Was #TeamTracey but I think she's the coocoo 1. Dan is probs the swaggiest 60 yr old I've seen around these parts
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
They r currently talkin about their current/past relationships and I'm now getting sad that I'm putting this on display...ok not anymore
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Dan just said "There's a girl here that I call my cousin...but she's not my cousin, she's my ex girlfriend." I'm dying laughing
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
U guys...I am now sweatin laughing. I'm a terrible person but he just said he dated his second cousin once. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE HE SAID THAT
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Someone needs to turn Tracey's imaginary mic up cause Dan is bout to be the breakout star of this twitter show...
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
1. Tracey is prob gonna go home wit "Dan" 2. Ladies...don't go home with guys like "Dan" 3. Live tweet 1st dates without ppl knowin.
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Dan just said "my feet hurt all the time"...TRACEY ASKED FOR THE CHECK!!! Hell yes Tracey!
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Can I get a moment of silence to see how's this is gonna end...................shhhhh
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
No joke, I just followed them out (without paying yet) and Tracey just peaced out!!! Tracey-1, Dan-0!!!! Note to self: Do this more often...
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Note to self: Consider online dating just to teach ppl how to date...wait...IM LIKE THE HITCH OF ONLINE DATING!!! Sell that @GBerlanti
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
Sorry Tracey and "Dan" but I just had to get that on record. Im payin my bill now with a smile on my face. Thk you!
— Colton Haynes (@ColtonLHaynes) August 7, 2014
There you have it. I don't know what the future holds for Colton Haynes, but if things don't work out for him as an actor, it looks like he could have a solid career in the world of social media. Or, at least as a gossip columnist.
(by Jonathan Corbett)