"That's so funny, because I lick your pens too!" (via)
Adults are basically just children who've grown fat, watched their dreams die, and learned to shrink from confrontation. So it follows that the modern workplace is just as petty and territorial as your typical elementary school playground, except there's a lot less spitting and hair-pulling, and a lot more bitchy note-writing. The most successful workplace notes strive to entertain just as much as they impolitely advise and chastise, and the notes collected here are some of the best of the medium.
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Recurring dreams go in the blue bin.(via)
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Nice thought, especially considering the source.(via)
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You'd think at this point it would be up for grabs.(via)
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Thanks, but that doesn't really solve the problem. (via)
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It's not what you think - a guy named "Jack" took a half-day.
To masturbate.(via)
Updated 8.11.14
Episode VIII: The Cubicle Menace. (via)
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Caution: Faint while using the urinal and you'll never hear the end of it.(via)
Gas station spelling error. It's supposed to say "Pimp 6."(via)
For Rachel's sake, I hope she's leaving.(via)
Asking for trouble in a mostly female office.(via)
"Wide awake... staring at this blank screen." (via)
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Who do I see about getting a glass of milk?(via)
That is one low bar for "nice things."(via)
Keep it up and the printer will outlast you.(via)
"Thanks for reminding me.. to let it gooooo!"(via)
Don't encourage them!(via)
Never forget 5.05.14 (via)
Updated 6.10.14
"I'd actually prefer to speak with your commanding officer." (via)
So you're saying it's organic? (via)
Someone's making this way too complicated. (via)
Time to strat over. (via)
Saying goodbye with cat litter box cake.(via)
"Oh my God! I'm spilling my coffee everywhere!"(via)
Thanks! How about an aisle traffic report? (via)
And productivity is down.(via)
This must not be the first time the pot was left empty.(via)
"Yes! I can do this!"(via)
This is the storyboard for Taken 9: Office Hijinks.(via)
Two weeks later I bet it's still sitting there. (via)
Updated 4/16/14
"You mean the one with the reindeers and all the fingerprints?" (via)
Also good for sending passive aggressive messages to grimy coworkers.(via)
Whether it's toilet seats or soup, no one likes a cold bowl.(via)
As an optimist, I'm guessing cupcake.(via)
One is obviously for the personal use of the genius who wrote the note. (via)
Ew! He didn't even lift up the seat! (via)
Coffee burn!(via)
Lee should report Steve's "XO" to HR. (via)
As an optimist, I see the sink as half-empty.(via)
It's "demasiado," dum-mas. (via)
Every picture tells a story. This one looks disgusting. (via)
I guess "please flush" wasn't doing the trick.(via)
Updated 2/10/14:
Please make sure your kitchen notes adhere to AP style, thx. (Via)
Easier than trying to figure out what that little icon on the tray is supposed to mean.(Via)
Fine, we'll pass the time by touching each other.(Via)
Betting those messy dishes are less unsightly than a wall full of memes.(Via)
Of course she did. Even expired Rolos are still better than non-expired everything else. (Via)
Well, Luke, thanks for all the hours you've logged. (Via)
Updated 11/19/13:
All is forgiven, Lee. Easy on the sprinkles next time. This isn't kindergarten. (Via)
Printers don't have mothers. They burst forth from hell and land directly on Best Buy shelves.(Via)
They need to stop hiring out-of-work wizards onto the cleaning staff.(Via)
Darcy might have an eating disorder. Or he needs a raise. (Via)
Bet they have to put up a new sign come January.(Via)
I'd never complain about meetings running long if they were run by Bussiness Cat. (Via)
Update 10/16/13:
Still doesn't look secure. He should have put the filing cabinet on top of it for weight.
Guess some people like to make signs at the urinal instead of conversation.
A pen so awesome it will make you racist against yourself.
A delicious treat and it makes you regular? Sign us up!
Don't fall for the sign. They eat donuts really awkwardly too.
I like this office. They don't mess around.
Updated 9/19/13:
...and coffee is the only thing that puts us back together.
She went out of her way to make such a nice sign. She porbably appreciates the notes.
Probably a restaurant. Anyone with a special "pasta fridge" in their office has no right to be angry.
No, honey, I haven't been kissing anyone. I've just been stealing food.
Did she spell "highness" wrong? Or "You're"?
Worst. Day care center. Ever.
Updated 8/20/13:
I'd brew me. I'd brew me so hard.
Offices shouldn't be telling us how to love!
Open casket. It woud have wanted it that way.
The signs are breeding.
Say yes indeed to weed.
They really need to clean that vending room if it's got a groundhog problem.
Updated 7/24/13:
Alert. Pointless Signs!
If you'd taught the kitten to attack, the Tupperware thief would have been dead already.
Hopefully our time machines will be more reliable than our copy machines.
We all have our signature style.
The TL;DR version of the above.
Speak for yourself. My nickels give me balance.
Updated 6/27/13:
Physician, heal thyself.
You've got to really love stealing office equipment if you're taking the drains.
We'd risk our job for half an oreo.
Side-note: Keurig coffeee is always horrible. We'd quit if they started making us use those K-cups.
So medium-sized poos are cool?
If you know the author of this sign, withold your love from them. They are undeserving of love.
Updated 5/31/13:
Thanks for the choices! We'll take option B.
This is why we don't let our utensils date.
Follow the old ladies. They know where the comfier chairs are.
Or just burst in. It's adorable watching them scurry under their desks.
But we took the red pill! You have no choice when you work in an office.
Updated 4/11/13:
You mean besides cut-up chickens, pigs, cows, and probably horses if this is Europe?
"Pardon me, I was just wondering where I could get one of those signs!"
Some people give a shit; others take them without warning during the work day.
Office communications are so much clearer when there's clearly no HR.
Sounds like a cheesy cheddar challenge! ...aaaand there's a fire.
That chair wanted to hold the ass of a big start-up entrepeneur, but she got an IT guy.
Updated 3/11/13:
This is why we microchipped all our pens. Too many sickos out there.
Memes: The best passive-aggressive retort there is.
Maybe we should all just switch to "Ur" for everything and stop embarrassing ourselves.
I'm sorry. Your husband didn't put a lid on his reheated pasta. Now you have to pay.
He might have fun. He might also discover who he was meant to be.
This note is also works great when you put it on the office door of your least favorite coworker.
Updated 1/28/13:
When will Serge and Wendall stop this bickering and realize they're in love...with pee?
Please try to achieve the level of joylessness that's expected of you.
The plate kidnapped itself, Lebowski. It owed crumbs all over town.
We were going to drop some M-80s down its drain, but the sledgehammer sounds fun too.
If our workplace instituted this rule we'd strike.
The zombie thing is cute, but does the original sign mean you could really lose your job for eating someone's hot pocket?
Updated 12/10/12:
That stuff really works, btw. We can steal Karen's yogurt whenever we want now!
It's worth the $18/hour. Sandra is an absolutely scintillating conversationalist. You'll weep.
That drain sucks!
They still don't know who shot that room.
Matt doesn't have a whole lot going on for himself right now.
These facility repairs will be seen as cheesy at first, but will attain a cult status when they hit video.
Fran will devote the rest of her days to making you shit too much.
Updated 10/10/12:
"Did you see Homeland last night? It made me reflect on Plato's Cave and ideal forms."
The prophet Isiah said one day a female Messiah shall deliver women from Aunt Flo.
Dietary harassment is a growing problem in the modern, fat workforce.
That mug is the reason local news now shows Ceramic Alerts.
Something tells us that guy likes to push everyone's buttons a lot.
After all, if you don't throw out the box, no one else can put in food to steal.
That lack of self-control also applies to resisting the urge to write passive-agressive notes.
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