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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - August 20, 2014

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1. Rick Perry Poses For His Mugshot/Presidential Portrait

Yesterday, Texas Gov. Rick Perry proudly walked through crowds of adoring supporters toward the Travis County Courthouse in Austin, where he turned himself in on felony accusations of abuse of power before smugly posing for his mugshot and triumphantly promising the nation that he would be vindicated. Obviously, this led many to wonder if this signals the end of his presidential ambitions.


2. Laura Bush Realizes The American Dream Of Dumping A Bucket Of Ice Water On George W. Bush's Head

Former President George W. Bush one-upped spoil sport Barack Obama by accepting the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge for which he was nominated by his daughter, Jenna Bush Hager. Well, kind of. His wife Laura actually accepted the challenge on his behalf. Probably in retribution for eight years of forced smiles and dealing with the subtle smell of decay wafting from Dick Cheney at all times:


3. 13-Year-Old South Philly Little League Pitcher Gets Her First Of Probably Many 'Sports Illustrated' Covers

Mo'ne Davis—the 13-year-old pitcher for South Philadelphia's Taney Dragons who many believe has what it takes to break the gender barrier in Major League Baseball—just became the first Little League player to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated. Her fast ball has been clocked at 71 mph, which would be like a 93 mph pitch on a standard MLB field. So, no, you wouldn't be hitting it.


4. Americans, Who Don't Get Nearly Enough Vacation Time, Aren't Using All Of Their Vacation Time

According to a new study, American workers—who already get considerably less time away from work than workers in many other countries—are barely using the vacation time they get. Employees currently use only about 51 percent of their paid leave, and 61 percent of the people who do take time away are still attempting to get work done while they should be resting. This is what they call "the American work ethic," or in other countries, "being a dumbass."


5. Tina Fey Capitalized On Performing As Sarah Palin Impression Too Much, Says Woman Who Made Her Career Of Performing As Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin, a woman who made a career out of performing as a folksy, hyper-realistic version of a real-life politician, has taken issue with Tina Fey for doing her Sarah Palin impression a couple times on Saturday Night Live. In an updated version of the book Live From New York, Palin is quoted as saying: "If I ran into Tina Fey again today, I would say: 'You need to at least pay for my kids' braces or something from all the money that you made off of pretending that you're me! My goodness, you capitalized on that! Can't you contribute a little bit? Jeez!'"


(by Dennis DiClaudio)


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