College used to be the end of this movie, now it's just the beginning.
Congratulations, college students, on embarking on the journey of a lifetime: the slow climb out of debt that will probably end when you die and pass that debt on to your children (because they can do that now). Even if you are going to one of America's premiere universities, the amount of debt you will probably incur will be a major burden, and it will somehow be even worse for the kids who are new freshmen in 4 years. Of course, that's just a walk in the park compared to the people who got suckered into paying for courses at for-profit universities, which stand-up comics have known were scams since ITT Tech and DeVry first started advertising in the 90s. Somehow, 20 years and millions of dollars in lobbying and advertising later, federal officials are convinced that these are great ideas that should be shoved down the throats of veterans with traumatic brain damage. Oh, how I wish I was exaggerating.
So yeah, I guess if you're neck-deep in debt, just be glad if your school isn't relying on a psuedo-religion's psuedo-science to give you a pseudo-degree that no employer will even psuedo-accept. Of course, if you are attending one of those schools, you may want to look up what psuedo means.
On the plus side, at least we found out about LBJ's humongous balls.
(by Johnny McNulty)
