There is a lot of "news" about celebrities. Much of it is dumb. Here are five pieces of this week's stupidest celeb "news."
There's some really important stuff happening here, guys. (via Getty Images / Instagram)
1. Kylie Jenner loves edgy baseball caps.
Like the Blue Man Group, but a woman. And without drums. And with a lot more selfies.
(via kyliejenner on Instagram)
Kylie Jenner is of the Kardashian-Jenner clan. That means that at birth she was outfitted with a monitoring device that sends an alert to People.com every time she changes her clothes. This week her fashion trend was "edgy" baseball caps. Apparently what makes her baseball caps "edgy" is that it they are made out of fabrics not typical for baseball caps. By that logic, I can make a caesar salad with kale instead of Romaine and call it an "Edgy Caesar," which incidentally is also the name of the new sex call-in show I'm launching with the Dog Whisperer.
2. Kim Kardashian wears absolutely no makeup to the gym.
Warning: This video is narrated by a robot and may remind you that we are slowly sliding into a dystopia.
Holy shit, a woman who makes a living based on her appearance knows that you shouldn't wear makeup when sweating because it will cause you to break out! Some "news" outlets (because this has been reported by many, many people) have also noted that "Kim Looks a LOT Different Without Makeup On." That's crazy! The thing I love about makeup is spending all of that money to cover my face with products that leave me looking exactly the same as I did before I put them on.
3. Putting the spotlight on a couple that wants to raise their baby out of the spotlight.
Hey, Jessica and Justin. Hey. Hey. Show us your baby. (via Getty Images)
An "insider" said that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are looking forward to raising their baby "out of the spotlight," a quote that obviously deserves an article. Here are some future headlines you guys can use if you want to write about this more in the coming months and years:
- Baby Bielberlake Still Out of the Spotlight
- Hey, Guys, Remember When We Told You That Jessica and Justin Wanted to Raise Their Baby Out of the Spotlight? That's Still Happening.
- Never Forget: 10th Anniversary of Reporting on Not Reporting on the Bielberlake Baby
These should take you up to whenever Bielberlake becomes a model or gets a role in the 37th film in the Divergent series, whichever comes first.
4. Robert Pattinson dances to Drake at Coachella.
Well, we're pretty sure it's Robert Pattinson, but we don't ever see his face. And he dances like all of the awkward boys at my middle school dances.
5. Rihanna goes to dinner without a bra.
This is not a picture of Rihanna out to dinner; it is a picture of her performing on stage. But I'd be OK with her walking into a restaurant like this. (via Getty Images)
Rihanna doesn't wear a bra a lot. She probably goes braless more often than you do laundry. But it's still "news." Here's what E! says about it:
Although concealed by her relatively sheer top, RiRi's nipples could be seen through her shirt. That's definitely a brave look for dinner.
But the "We Found Love" singer has been making some bold statements as of late, including wearing purple lipstick to Coachella.
Hey, E!, I think you might be a little confused about what a "bold statement" is. Try Googling the phrase "Holocaust denier," and then let me know what you think about that purple lipstick.
Also, I'm not posting a picture here for you to ogle at a woman's nipples, but if you want to see the actual sheer shirt picture (which I find to be pretty tame), you can look at it on E!'s site.