1. Sarah Palin Exposed To Concept Of Apologizing For Bad Behavior By Louis CK
Comedian Louis CK admitted to Howard Stern's radio audience yesterday that he apologized to former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin for an infamous stream of drunken, profanity-laden tweets he made to her several years ago. It is unclear whether the conservative politician—who has made countless equally vile comments in the service of her career without ever once seeking atonement—understood what CK was attempting.
Louis Ck is Overrated #OffendEveryoneIn4Words
— Chris cope (@ChrisCopeComedy) February 28, 2015
2. Gisele Bundchen Is Giving Up Being Professionally Beautiful
After two decades as a professional beautiful person, Gisele Bundchen has graced our eyeballs with the wonderful visage of her flawless body and face for the very last time. She plans to spend her time working on projects related to other people's beauty and looking preternaturally stunning for her family.
The highest paid supermodel, Gisele Bundchen is retiring. The model who takes her place is going to have some tiny bikinis to fill
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) April 16, 2015
3. New Batman-Superman Movie Looks Like It Will Be As Dark And Depressing As Everyone Was Hoping
Warner Bros. has just released a dark and foreboding teaser for their upcoming film about the contentious relationship between a pair of orphans—one a psychologically disturbed nighttime vigilante, the other an emotionally stunted extraterrestrial. Based upon the tone of this trailer, it looks to be some pretty disturbing stuff.
The new teaser for Batman-Superman is literally an "empty suit." Please go make your own Zack Snyder joke.
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) April 16, 2015
4. Scientists Finally Crack The Mystery Of Knuckle-Cracking
One of the great mysteries of the universe has finally been solved. Canadian and Australian researchers have used an MRI machine to record the moment that a knuckle "cracks," and have determined that the noise is the result of a bubble of gases, such as carbon dioxide, popping when the finger bones are adjusted, thus disproving the previous prevailing theory that there was a tiny little nuclear explosions being set off inside the joints.
I crack my knuckles before I give someone shit so they know I mean business.
— Baked Potato (@TrueTorontoGirl) February 9, 2015
5. Julius Caesar Might Be Suffering From Strokes On Top Of Being Dead For More Than Two Millennia
New research would seem to suggest that Julius Caesar did not actually suffer from epileptic attacks, as had been widely theorized by historians, but was actually the victim of a number of minor strokes over the course of his life. I hope this doesn't mess up his insurance too badly.
"Ecru, Brute?” - Julius Caesar, Interior Decorator
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) January 22, 2015