The Internet is a minefield of terrible grammar. Each week, Someecards' resident English teacher Matt Cheplic is here to clear the mines—or die trying.
Under most circumstances, a conservative religious website removing a woman from a photo because of her decadence and immodesty would inspire outrage, right? Well, sympathy is in short supply when that woman is Kim Kardashian.
On a trip to have their baby North baptized in the Holy Land, Kim and Kanye have been photographed in Jerusalem this week. On the Kikar HaShabbat website, Kim's face is blurred out, or—this isn't a joke—obscured by a large image of a restaurant receipt. According to the Associated Press, Kardashian was deemed a "pornographic symbol" who contradicts ultra-Orthodox values.
Most comments on Yahoo! revealed an eerie level of comfort with the idea of women being rendered invisible.
While the following sentence was by no means the most mean-spirited, it takes the prize for most grammatically horrifying:
I know. It's a lot to take in. Let's break it down, shall we?
1. Lol me to tired
I'm not sure exactly where "tired" is located, or if it's more a state of mind. Evidently, our commenter is hoping someone will "lol" her there. Now, if laughing out loud truly can transport a person to some far-off destination, I'm definitely doing my part to send her on her way. (I hope she isn't too pornographic for their sensibilities.)
2. don't follow these people at all just know shes all wrong
It appears this person had only one apostrophe and faced a difficult decision—a grammarian's version of Sophie's Choice. She opted to retain the standard English contraction "don't" but tragically could do nothing to prevent the awful "shes." (We won't bother discussing that she read and commented on an article about people she claims not to follow.)
3. with the clan that follows her pretty stupid people
Even spelled the textbook, non-terrifying way, there's just no comfortable way to use "the clan," is there? Moving on, this person's hideous grammar creates an intriguing mystery here. Is she saying that Kim Kardashian has people who are fairly stupid but for some reason have a clan following them around? Is she saying that Kardashian's people are not merely stupid but actually both pretty AND stupid? (Such a claim would require a comma between those words, but I doubt this person bothers with such subtleties.) Perhaps she's simply saying, "Typing comments makes my fingers feel good but thinking about words makes my brain feel bad."
It always gets complicated when centuries-old religious orthodoxy collides with contemporary American liberties. But on the question of putting words and letters in a logical order, you can count me among the traditionalists.