If you think the past is boring, remember that the study of history isn't all names, dates, and wars. Sometimes it's also a large dildo dropped in a toilet.
The dildo isn't happy to see you; it's happy that it's no longer encased in vintage poop.
(Image from the Regional Office of the Protection of Monuments, via Discovery News)
Archeologists in Gdańsk, Poland were digging up a latrine recently when they discovered a well-preserved dildo in the shitter. It's made of bristle-filled leather and capped with a wooden tip. The dildo is also eight inches long, big enough to make most men say, "I never thought I'd be jealous of something found in an 18th century toilet." The archeologists believe the dildo was dropped in the latrine by accident, because the leather is high-quality and the dildo was likely very expensive.
According to a press release from the Regional Office of the Protection of Monuments in Poland, archeologists also found several wooden swords nearby, leading them to believe that the location was once a fencing school. So, if what happened with this dildo in the 18th century happened today, its modern equivalent would be some kid going to his karate dojo at the mall, taking a bathroom break to go use his dildo, dropping it in, and then being too embarrassed to remove it from the toilet.
The press release also noted that the dildo has been taken away for "maintenance," which I assume means that somewhere in Poland, there's a person currently getting plowed by a dildo with 250ish years of experience (247 of those years being "experience sitting in a toilet").