You already knew this would happen unless you're a NERD!

Shut up and go buy a ticket.
(via Giphy)

It took The Avengers nineteen days. The same for the final Harry Potter. Frozen went at a glacial pace. But Furious 7 made a billion dollars at the box office in a record-breaking 17 days, officially making it the greatest movie of all time.

Some of you artsy types are going to say that the best movie is actually one of the Godfather films. Some of you freaks who went to film school might even mention a black-and-white Godard movie no one's heard of about three people in love with each other. You're wrong. The entire planet disagrees with you. Furious 7 just beat every movie ever.

People don't go to the movies to think or feel any emotion besides pure adrenaline (until the last five minutes, when they want to be kicked in the stomach by sadness over an actor's death). They want to see cars explode. They want to see butts. If you don't love this movie, you're officially an out-of-touch old person! Furious 7. Greatest movie since Torque.

Also, around the time this news broke, the Pulitzer Prize winners for 2015 were announced at Columbia University.