Every month, Netflix makes a whole bunch of it's subscribers extremely happy by adding great movies and super-addictive television shows. At the same time, it makes a bunch of other people super bummed out by yanking away their security blankets. Here's your guide to who's what and why:
Who's Happy?
Fans of unrelenting chipperness. Reese Witherspoon and her enormous tooth-filled smile began wheedling their way into America's heart 14 years ago with Legally Blonde, which—along with its less-inspired but equally zippy follow-up, Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde—begins streaming 24/7 on May 1.
"hahaha man its not about plot or 'figuring it out', it's predicated on dream logic, it's about facades" - me about legally blonde 2
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) July 5, 2014
Beard enthusiasts and duck haters. You might not realize it, but at this very moment, several close friends and family members are fist-pumping themselves into muscle spasms after learning that beginning May 14, they can start watching the duck-killing exploits of the Robertson family on Duck Dynasty around the clock.
I'd never miss Duck Dynasty if it involved an all-powerful mallard emperor named Quack Quack.
— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) January 11, 2015
People who think history isn't bloody enough. If there's one thing that very few people say about World War II, it's that it wasn't quite violent enough for their tastes. Quentin Tarantino is that rare exception, which is why he tweaked reality in order to make his film Inglourious Basterds even more cringe-inducingly gory. Like-minded fans will get to enjoy his end product starting May 22.
Is it 'too much' to carve the Inglourious Basterds logo into my forehead?
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) October 5, 2011
Who's Sad?
Fans of emotionless killing machines. Unfortunately, they're losing RoboCop on May 1, the newest James Bond film Skyfall on May 5, and The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement on May 3.
If I was a RoboCop, I'd fill my in-thigh gun holster with little notes that had positive affirmations on them
— ILL WELDON (@oldmanweldon) February 18, 2015
Automatic pilots. For one brief moment in time, the world cared about the adventures of non-sentient aircraft navigation systems. Hell, one even got an onscreen BJ. That moment has long-since passed, and Airplane!, the film that made it all possible, is even being wiped away from Netflix on May 1.
If I quote the movie "airplane" and you don't know what im talking about. I'm allowed to punch you in the throat.
— notyourjester (@Loli_Sug) April 12, 2012
Who's Confused?
People who are deeply afraid of reanimated rodents. On the one hand, somebody finally made a movie with them in mind. On their other, they're never going to sleep again once Zombeavers begins streaming on May 19.
When I was 10 I wrote a story about beavers getting rid of hunters. 16 years later I star in #Zombeavers lol! pic.twitter.com/UBKJrzjwPk
— cortney palm (@cortneypalm5) February 16, 2015
Here's a complete list of everything that's arriving and departing from Netflix in May...
Arrivals
May 1
Beyond Clueless
Jimi: All Is by My Side
The Last Waltz
Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
Longmire: Season 3
No No: A Dockumentary
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
Shameless: Series 10
Underclassman
Witnesses: Season 1
May 2
Lalaloopsy: Festival of Sugary Sweets
LeapFrog Letter Factory Adventures: Amazing Word Explorers
May 3
Anita
D.L. Hughley: Clear
Royal Pains: Season 6
May 5
A Few Best Men
May 6
The Longest Week
May 8
Grace & Frankie
Puss in Boots: Season 1
Tyler Perry's 'A Madea Christmas'
May 9
Jinn
The Liberator
May 12
Extraterrestrial
Fruitvale Station
Magical Universe
May 13
The Identical
May 14
American Restoration
Counting Cars
Dance Moms
Duck Dynasty
Hoarders
Modern Marvels
The Universe
May 15
Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown: Season 4
CyberSeniors
Dawg Fight
Give Me Shelter
Granite Flats: Season 1-3
May 16
First Period
May 17
Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast
May 19
Before I Disappear
Girlhood
Zombeavers
May 21
Between: Season 1
May 22
H20 Mermaid Adventures
Inglourious Basterds
Jen Kirkman: I'm Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine)
The Other One: The Long, Strange Trip of Bob Weir
Richie Rich: Season 2
Transporter: The Series: Season 1
May 23
Antarctica: A Year on Ice
The Boxtrolls
May 24
Love and Honor
Welcome to the Punch
May 26
Graceland: Seasons 1-2
May 27
Before I Go to Sleep
May 29
Hot Girls Wanted
Mako Mermaids: Season 3
Departures
May 1
6 Bullets
12 Dogs of Christmas: Great Puppy Rescue
A Knight's Tale
Airplane!
Airplane II: The Sequel
All I Want for Christmas
Along Came Polly
An American Haunting
Baby Genius: The Four Seasons
Baby Genius: Underwater Adventures
BASEketball
Bitter Moon
Boys Don't Cry
Bratz: Babyz: The Movie
Call Me Claus
Call Me Crazy: A Five Film
Cecil B. Demented
Deuces Wild
Devine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Fantastic Voyage
Finding Forrester
Friday the 13th: Part 7: The New Blood
Funny Face
Ichi the Killer
Into the Blue 2: The Reef
Life is Beautiful
RoboCop
Romancing the Stone
Sabrina (1954)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
The Accused
The Brother's Bloom
The Jewel of the Nile
The Secret of NIMN
True Justice: Season 1
Valkyrie
May 2
Flight
May 3
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
May 5
Diana Vreeland The Eye Has to Travel
Frank Skinner Stand-Up: Live from Birmingham's National Indoor Arena
Grumpy Old Women Live
Russell Kane: Smokescreens & Castles Live
Skyfall
May 6
1428
May 12
Grimm's Snow White
Robot & Frank
May 13
Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Star of Milos
May 15
Buffalo Girls
May 16
Fun Size
May 17
Cloud 9
Dane Cook: Rough Around the Edges: Live from Madison Square Garden
May 19
Red Dawn (2012)
May 20
No Woman, No Cry
May 23
Silent House
May 28
The New Guy
May 31
The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia