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I have a type and apparently it's men who don't want to date me.

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April 30, 2014, 5:01 am

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Sorry you misinterpreted small talk as an invitation to have a conversation.

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April 30, 2014, 7:38 am

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Happy Birthday to someone I've known since the last time Mark Hamill was in a...

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April 30, 2014, 9:01 am

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Your knowledge of Star Wars is frighteningly superior to your knowledge of...

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April 30, 2014, 9:30 am

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Sorry your winter coat is getting more action than you are this spring.

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April 30, 2014, 10:28 am

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Your inspirational quote has inspired me to correct your spelling and grammar.

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April 30, 2014, 11:08 am

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I eat intensely enough to consider it exercise.

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April 30, 2014, 12:26 pm

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Stop whatever you're doing and finish this thing I forgot to do.

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April 30, 2014, 1:51 pm

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I wouldn't want to have a domestic disturbance with anyone but you.

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April 30, 2014, 5:01 pm

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Thank you for replying to part of my e-mail.

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May 1, 2014, 5:01 am

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11 Game Of Thrones Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed To Get A Westerosi Laid

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May 1, 2014, 5:48 am

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20 Things To Tell People Who Won't Shut Up About Their Workouts

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May 1, 2014, 8:01 am

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Good luck at your new job convincing people you're only incompetent because...

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May 1, 2014, 8:15 am

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Best of luck finding out which of your new coworkers it's ok to make fun of.

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May 1, 2014, 8:36 am

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Sorry your new job prevents you from collecting unemployment.

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May 1, 2014, 9:17 am

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I'm a daredevil in that sometimes I open enough tabs to almost crash my browser.

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May 1, 2014, 9:32 am

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My job history is only slightly less embarrassing than my browser history.

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May 1, 2014, 10:01 am

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Best of luck explaining your new social media job to your parents.

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May 1, 2014, 10:07 am

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I'm only interested in seeing an Instagram of your meal if it's your last.

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May 1, 2014, 10:30 am

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May your ongoing quest to hit rock bottom end more quickly than Rob Ford's did.

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May 1, 2014, 10:49 am

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