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Your gift to me was so wonderful that I think you've been cheating.

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February 15, 2014, 9:45 am

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I wish I had a failing relationship to complain about.

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February 16, 2014, 5:01 am

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Good luck finding something to complain about on a Monday when you're off...

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February 17, 2014, 5:01 am

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Having Monday off is a great opportunity to hate Tuesday.

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February 18, 2014, 5:04 am

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15 Of The Most Insanely Passive-Aggressive Notes Ever Left On An Office Fridge

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February 18, 2014, 6:20 am

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If you spoil anything from House of Cards, I'm going to push you in front of...

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February 18, 2014, 8:39 am

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Congratulations on knowing more characters in House of Cards than people in...

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February 18, 2014, 9:06 am

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Let's be thankful Joe Biden doesn't have nearly as much influence on policy...

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February 18, 2014, 9:22 am

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Happy birthday to someone who looks young considering how many years this...

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February 18, 2014, 10:35 am

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I'm worried how I'm going to fit the 15 minutes of work I actually do into...

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February 18, 2014, 11:56 am

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There aren't enough hours in the day to get so little done.

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February 18, 2014, 1:09 pm

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I'm excited to have only four days to hear about your three-day weekend.

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February 18, 2014, 1:46 pm

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If you have a problem with me, I'd really rather you talk behind my back like...

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February 18, 2014, 2:31 pm

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Sorry you get too drunk every weekend to ever get a cute new profile picture.

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February 18, 2014, 4:57 pm

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If I was going to dig my car out to see anyone, it'd be you.

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February 13, 2014, 8:20 am

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I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning...

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February 19, 2014, 5:01 am

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I know a great place to have lunch that isn't your cubicle.

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February 19, 2014, 8:01 am

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I'm interrupting my complete apathy about hockey to make fun of the fact that...

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February 19, 2014, 8:46 am

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Congratulations to stray dogs in Sochi on now having higher status than the...

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February 19, 2014, 9:22 am

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15 Brutally Honest Tips For Coping With Life - According To Adorable Animals

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February 19, 2014, 9:29 am

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