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Ex-bridesmaid asks if she’s wrong for refusing to cover up her scars for cousin’s wedding photos.


The stress of planning a wedding and the pressure to have "the best day of your life," can often turn relatively normal people into flower-fueled, detail demons from the depths of the Bridezilla bog...

The most important part of a wedding is that the couple getting married is happy and excited about the commitment they're making to each other. Just because two people happen to fall in love, though, doesn't always mean that all of their family, friends, and most important people will calmly get together and make their wedding dreams come true. It also doesn't always mean that the couple getting married will respect all of their family and friends who are giving up their time and money to get together, wear a dress they'll never wear again, buy a kitchen appliance they'll probably never use, and celebrate their relationship.

Wedding drama is often part of the chaos of planning whether it's a bride who refuses to compromise, a fight in the bridesmaids group chat, a flaky florist, or a mother-of-the-groom who thinks she's the one getting married. Usually, the tension disappears by the time the actual date comes around, but if problems aren't dealt with as they arise, they can bubble up into a cheap champagne tower of future relationship-ruiners.

So, when a woman decided to consult the internet's moral compass (Reddit's Am I the As*hole) about a conflict she got into with her full-blown, Grade A, bridezilla-monster of a cousin, people were ready to help.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for refusing to cover my arms at my cousin's wedding?

A few years ago I was involved in a very painful and scary accident. Most of me was unscathed but my arms (mainly my forearms) were damaged. I recovered 80-85% of my mobility and all I have left now are some scars. Most are not that bad, but three of them are big and pink, which, because of my slightly darker skin, really stand out. It took me ages to really come to terms with myself. I know it sounds silly but I had to practice looking in the mirror and telling myself that my arms and my body are fine, and how silly it is to worry about this kind of thing.

Fast forward to this year where i get an invitation to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding (which will take place late next year when my cousin and her fiance predict covid to have 'died down').

The first red flag, which I did not pick up on, was when my cousin video called me to show me the bridesmaid dress I'd be wearing (sleeveless, and completely identical to the other 7 bridesmaids dresses). I got up at one point to grab a pair of shoes to show her, leaving the camera on as i did so. When I returned, she had a strange look on her face, and she said she'd have to call me later and hung up.

A week later, she calls me, tearily, telling me that " I'm so sorry to do this, but my best friend X ruined her dress and you are the only one with the same size dress...." I clearly knew where this was going and I told her I didn't mind, etc... after some small talk we finished the call. Again, I didn't think much of it.

Then, a few days ago, my cousin calls to ask what I ended up deciding to wear. I was a bit confused, as this seems very early to worry about a wedding taking place next March, but I pulled a few options out of my closet to show her. Her response was 'Um, don't any of them have sleeves?"

"No...they all look very pretty though" I Answered.

After a pause, she sighed heavily and said, "look, I don't know how else to say this, but I don't want your arms in my pictures. They're just so ugly! Even if you're not a bridesmaid you'll still be in the pictures!!" And then she burst into tears. I was speechless. I felt angry, hurt, and shocked all at once. She kept sputtering and blubbering about how horrible my arms would look in her high-def photos. I was STILL speechless, angry tears getting ready to pour out. Finally, I found my voice and said, "I don't care how YOU feel about my arms. I spent months coming to terms with my body and I see no reason to hide it. If that's a deal breaker, I won't be at your wedding." She gasped and I hung up.

Now I'm getting all sorts of texts from my cousin, her fiance, and several of her friends telling me what a selfish b**** I am. I started to feel badly, but I also don't think I should be forced to feel ugly and ashamed. I wouldn't even be in all the important pictures if im just a regular guest? Idk, reddit. I just don't know. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

Imagine being such a selfish and narcissistic person that you would tell someone to cover their arms so they don't "ruin" her wedding photos because they are different than hers. NTA (Not the As*hole), and I wouldn't show up to her wedding at all.

Or if you do decide to go, I hope you show off your arms in all your glory and stay confident in yourself. I'm so sorry for what she said to you. - purse_of_pasta

Why do people get so insane about weddings that they are willing to treat people like crap? I am so sorry, and please know that your scars are not "ugly". Your cousin is ugly for acting that way. - RealBettyWhite69

Skip the wedding. These people only care about themselves. Also, block them on everything. I'm a big proponent of cutting toxic people out even if they are family. - SammyLoops1

Omfg okay so first of all NTA. This is the most toxic, vain, narcissistic sh*t I have ever heard on HER end. You did the right thing standing up for yourself. Dont ever let someone like her make you feel bad about yourself. And remember that there's nothing on this planet that can cover up her sh*tty personality. - FluffyBed8

I would not only skip the wedding, but cut her out of your life. - LightsaberAngel

Sounds like a crazy bridezilla, I wouldn’t go to the wedding and use the money for a wedding gift to take yourself for a spa day. - ChiaEFX

So, there you have it!

Everyone was in agreement that this bride was deeply disrespectful, exceptionally rude, and doesn't deserve to have her cousin attend her wedding at all. You can't "ruin" wedding photos simply by being yourself. Good luck, everyone!

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