Being ghosted is so frustrating. It can leave you wondering what went wrong for weeks, months or even years.
Many ghostees might replay a date or encounter in their head over and over again to determine why they never heard from the person again. But some lucky victims end up being able to confront their ghoster and find out once and for all why they geto the silent treatment.
A recent Reddit thread asked people who'd ghosted and been confronted about it to share what it was like. Let's find out if they learned their lesson!
1. This person ghosted a friend — and doesn't regret it.
I had a friend I had known for 25+ years. We wound up at the same company and realized we lived very close. She was all into office gossip and talked trash about people I liked. I asked her to stop. Any obstacle I was facing was dismissed because she had been through worse. When I needed to talk to someone about personal struggles I was having, she would talk over me and change the subject to her issues. This went on for a few years.
I would hang up after talking to her and question why I bothered. Finally, I had enough. I ghosted her and after few months, she reached out to me via text. I replied and told her why. I was not cruel, just honest. Now I am 'mean and hurtful'. I blocked her and am not regretting this at all. I think about her and hope all is well. I just needed to sever the ties. - KimmySimmy
2. Well this took a turn.
An old ex from college got in touch with me via FB, which was lovely and a tiny bit concerning. Had a great time catching up, getting in touch with old friends from college via this exchange (seriously, this was the best part of that), etc.. His life turned out pretty much as I expected - numerous divorces, presumably some infidelity on his part, etc.
Several months into our very polite chats, he suddenly shifts gears hard. He's spouting Birther nonsense, trying to get me to leave my husband for him (literally haven't seen this ex in 20+ years) and no way in hell is that going to happen. I blocked him on social media and didn't think twice about it afterwards.
About six months later, our mutual college friends start haranguing me about why I'd ghosted the ex while he was deployed in Afghanistan, how dare I ghost a veteran who needed our support, etc. and how hurt my ex was that I'd cut off our friendship.
Here's the thing. I kept a screenshot of his crap to show my husband. And each time one of my college friends started in with that nonsense, I sent them the screencap. One of the guys was so pissed, he told my ex that if he didn't stop backstabbing, they'd send it to his current wife. :D
Haven't heard anything since - going on 8 years now. I don't expect to. - Noetellusom
3. Ghosted over a guy?! Yikes.
I had started dating a guy who I really, really liked. He did not like my best friend, and would often make fun of her. I felt like my friendship with her was coming to an end anyway because we were drifting apart, so I didn't stop him. His toxic behavior actually made me start resenting her.
Eventually, I just ghosted her. Left her on read. Never hung out with her anymore. We didn't go to the same school, so I just never saw her.
She sent me a looong message asking why was I not talking to her? Did she make me mad, did she do something wrong? It was a really heartbreaking message, and I pretty much told her that I felt like we weren't close anymore, that I was in a good relationship and I didn't feel like we were friends anymore. She responded by basically saying she understood with a sad face.
I didn't talk to her for almost a year. I'm not sure what the push was (I was still dating the guy), but I missed her and I texted her a very long message apologizing and groveling. That I was wrong and stupid, not sure what came over me, etc.
She forgave me. I don't know why, I pulled a really s***** move and I know I did it when she was at a low point. I'm so extremely grateful that she decided to give me another chance. We're still best friends to this day. But her confronting me when I initially ghosted her was absolutely miserable and heartbreaking. I still feel like such a piece of s*** for it. - StarTrippy
4. Now that's awkward.
I'm currently ghosting two friends. They are a married couple that wanted to bring me into the relationship. It didn't end well and after two months of not speaking to each other, they reached out again. I was willing to reestablish only friendship. But they still were pushing for me to be romantic with the wife. I was pretty uncomfortable and felt anxious about it, especially after the fallout, and decided for everyone's safety and wellbeing, I needed to block them.
They sorely lacked adequate communication for a three-way relationship and were pretty manipulative with me and used my naivety and trust in them to get what they wanted.
Sometimes, ghosting is the answer. Not always. If there's a chance to discuss it rationally, then do it. But if you don't have that chance, ghost. - superg-rl
5. Yeah, this person probably should've just let it go...
Two years ago I met a woman online.
After dating her for two weeks, my father passed away.
I told her up front that I am not in a good place emotionally, wasn't comfortable sharing my grieving process with someone I had just met, and that I couldn't promise I would still be open to dating anyone in the near future.
She called me out for ghosting her a month later. - sheikhyourbouti
6. At least this person's honest when confronted.
When things aren't going well in my life, I turn inward and isolate myself. I'm not good at receiving support and therefore I avoid people when i'm not doing well. It makes me ghost the people I care about and then suddenly contact them again and the cycle continues.
I've been called out on it and i'm honest. I'm sure it's hurtful and it makes me feel awful but I don't know how to be anything but the happy supportive friend that you'll get close to and i'll disappear when I can't be that. - Unclebigfoote
7. This sounds rough.
Okay, I wouldn’t call it ghosting... but, I sometimes don’t like talking to my mom. We have a very strained relationship and sometimes it’s better for my own mental health to just not engage.
Anyway, one time I was legitimately at the gym with my trainer and didn’t answer. She left a voicemail that said, “You ALWAYS have your phone on and answer when (bf) calls or texts. Why do you hate me so much?”
I am a 32 year old mother of 3, raising my kids and my boyfriend’s son. I’m busy. I’m tired. I just want to be left alone. - jay_mee_d
8. This is a beyond ghost-worthy offense.
I only ghosted him after he asked me out and I declined and he became hostile. Then he started throwing more tantrums and eventually went to my friends and asked them to stop being friends with me so yes I was wrong for not blocking him immediately - pearl_pearl
9. It's never too awkward to say happy birthday, ghoster!
I’m a ghoster. I feel terrible about it. I mean to write, and mean to write, then time has passed so I have to write something really good, then more time passes but it is around my birthday or a holiday so looks weird if I reach out then.
So I communicate daily with you in my head, many apologies and conversations. My anxiety just gets overwhelming.
If you contact me I will usually respond to the branch gladly. - ExtraDebit
10. It's great to have friends who care when you withdraw.
It made me feel like s*** to be honest. That’s not who I am but at the time I was going through a rough patch in a relationship and my home life wasn’t great either. Being alone felt like the only option at one point until a good friend I ghosted expressed his concerns. - TheRealSimpShady
11. Sometimes you have to ghost for your own sanity.
i’m currently “ghosting” this girl that has been manipulating me for months. i was attached to her so much that she could just withhold affection until i did what she wanted. and she had me convinced that the reason she was so stingy with her love was because i was doing something wrong or i just wasn’t good enough.
i met someone else and i’ve been giving the first girl the could shoulder ever since. she facetimed me the other night, wasted, crying that i don’t love her as much as i used to. i corrected her; “that’s not true, i actually don’t love you anymore at all”
she texts and snaps me regularly trying to apologize. i think she means it. but i have no intention of responding and risking letting her back into my life. rather not have her in my life as a constant reminder of all the suffering i went through because of her abuse. - goodkidMAADbtches
12. An apology probably wouldn't hurt!
I ghosted someone I cared deeply for many years ago. I was never called out on it, but I deeply regret that I hurt someone that meant a lot to me. I take full responsibility for my actions. I think ego defense mechanisms play a part in situations where you don’t have a real good reason for what you did. You just build a wall and start running. But it eventually catches up with you. - UnapproachableOnion
13. This sounds like it worked out... kind of.
I started ignoring a friends texts after she’d made me feel really uncomfortable about some derogatory comments made regarding mental health (I’ve always struggled). Anyway, after a couple months she bluntly called me out and asked what had happened because she could feel a difference.
I took that as an opportunity to explain to her how my feelings had been hurt and I wasn’t at a place to confront her about it because it was still pretty raw for me. She was surprisingly receptive and apologized for her insensitivity. We never really moved past it but I really appreciated her directness and desire to understand and I know she appreciated my honesty. - shelbycake2
14. Some people ghost because they're afraid.
When I was a teenager I did ghost. I was deeply insecure and terrified of hurting people (the irony as I probably hurt more by ghosting), I'd spent hours and days trying to think of how to reject them until I've convinced myself it was too late, or they were calling me out (usually pretty aggressively which I got even terrified of, if they were nice about it I'd understand okay I'm being even more horrible and finally write that text I'd been dreading)
As older, I've also ghosted in a way but more like I install tinder use it a couple of days and then life gets stressful and I honestly forget to use it, then I go back on it after a few months. Some of the time I see some old messages about people being pretty upset understandably and I feel bad. - NoWiseWords
15. I mean, duh.
I have ghosted a couple girls. I did it because I didn’t feel I wanted to pursue the relationship. I should of told them how I felt straight up. One girl I ghosted I ran into a couple months later at a bar she told me how hurt she was and I felt like a complete a**hole. Changed my perspective completely and haven’t done it since and will not ever do it again. Just tell them your honest feelings and you’re much better off. - coshawn54
16. Fair enough!
I had to ghost a few people when I quit drinking. My health matters, and IDGAF about you whining "well you're no fun anymore!"
Buh-bye. - Adept-Ad6702
17. This man must be a sociopath.
I had a guy ghost me 2 years ago. We had been dating 3 months, saw each 3-4 times a week, met friends etc. He just dropped off the face of the earth and I was too proud/stubborn to chase him, so I dropped it and moved on.
5 months later he hits me up with, "My sister still talks about you and how you're the best girlfriend I ever had! Tee hee".
I'm petty so I told him I hope he never gets another girl like me because you're a f****** coward and a loser. Felt good. F*** him. - _Lemon_Stealer_