There are many issues at stake in any presidential election. But for one guy in Miami, the sanctity of Instagram was the most important one.

Alex Garcia, 28, went viral after speaking with journalist Lautaro Grinspan about switching his vote from Donald Trump to Joe Biden at the last second.

"I just spoke with 28yr-old [sic] Miamian Alex Garcia," Grinspan tweeted. "He said he woke up today thinking he was going to vote for Trump BUT he changed his mind at the voting booth."

Grinspan continued, "He ended up picking Biden to 'go back to normal.'"

And he added another quote from Garcia: "I just want my Instagram to be about me again, and how good I look."

For the record, here's his Instagram and how good he looks:

The internet couldn't resist mocking and/or applauding the young voter.

Some become instant fans of Garcia.

Others couldn't believe he would say this out loud, much less to a reporter.

It's wild that the man lives in such an important swing state.

But many are happy Alex decided to go Biden because a vote's a vote.

Is what he said really that crazy?!

Well, BuzzFeed found Garcia and asked him WTF he meant by this comment. Here's what he had to say:

"Back in the day, Instagram was a place to have fun," he said. "I think [the reporter] misunderstood that."

Garcia said that the fact that he's about to become a father also impacted his decision to participate in the 2020 election.

"I had the feeling that this was the right thing to do," he said. "I'm going to vote every time I can, in every situation where my voice can be heard."

He also said he initially wasn't even going to vote, but decided, as an immigrant born to Venezuelan parents, that he should.

"There are a lot of people [in the USA] who aren't able to vote," he said. "I'm an immigrant and I have the chance to vote in this great country."

Garcia is also posting on his Instagram about the whole kerfuffle.

"Well, this escalated quickly," he captioned a screenshot of Grinspan's tweet.

He also addressed it in his Instagram Story:

And he seems to be having fun with it all:

So... that makes one of us!

Usually, we spend our mornings staring at the ceiling and trying to come up with reasons to quit our jobs, but today let's switch things up by laughing at some memes. This list is funny, fun, and just the thing to start your day off on the right foot.

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While usually it's healthier to let go of negative emotions instead of letting things bottle up for years and erupt into a massive Thanksgiving blowout, we all have a few petty grudges that will forever live with us rent-free...

Whether it was the teacher who insisted your answer was wrong when you know in your soul and spirit that it was correct even twenty years after the fact, or the waitress (who you still tipped 20%) who claimed that "decaf" coffee at 2 AM was indeed decaf when you were awake for four days after, we all have a few things we're still salty about.

The roommate who refuses to take the trash out, the co-worker who never cleans the microwave in the break room, the neighbor who blasts music non-stop for the whole building to hear--sometimes letting things brew and bubble can be cathartic. So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "What are you still angry about that you should just get over?" people were ready to share the petty grudges that they can't seem to let go of no matter how hard they try.

1.

I hadn't been home all day, just got off work and was just burnt out. My roommate invited two friends over to hang out and drink some wine in the kitchen which was in the same area as the living room (open floor plan). I didn't wanna join so said I was just gonna relax with my dinner and watch my show - we are both fine with this plan.

Anyways, I'm sitting there watching my show (at a normal volume) minding my own business and one of her friends starts complaining about "the atmosphere not being fun" and saying she was bothered that she could hear my show. I ignored it and pretended I couldn't hear it and my roommate asked her friend if it was too loud and her friend said "it isn't loud but I just don't wanna hear it at all you know? It's girls night". She asks me to turn it down so I say sure and turn it down a few clicks.

This girl then walks over, grabs the remote AND TURNS OFF THE TV. Then lectures me about how "it's rude to watch TV while people are socializing" and says I need to just get over myself and be social.

WTF?! THIS IS MY HOUSE - YOU DON'T LIVE HERE, AND IT IS A WEDNESDAY. It's been years and my petty a*s still gets pissed thinking about it haha - jessiemaemae

2.

In 8th grade, Ashley stole my really nice lipstick that I'd saved up for. And the color didn't even look good on her.

I'm 36 and it still pisses me off. - IannasPocket

3.

While buying a new mattress I got convinced by the salesman to also get a tempur-pedic pillow for $100.

I want my $100 back. - GorillaS0up

4.

In line at a wedding dinner.
Lady in front of me was talking to the lady behind me in line. After 3 minutes of being awkward guy in between them, I said "here, I'll just trade you spots" and let the lady behind me go in front.

She took the last deviled egg. This was in 1987. - HerbertKoopen

5.

someone I knew a long time ago used to make PB&J sandwiches a frequent amount of the time and when ever they made one they would never clean the damn knife they were using and we would frequently have jars of peanut butter and jelly mixed together and I told them countless numbers of times "clean the knife" they would always respond with OK but the next day I would see them doing the same thing! god I hated them for that. - I_am_a_robit

6.

I lost Judy's phone number in college. I still think about Judy and what would have happened if I called her. Judy if you're out there I honestly lost your number because I'm dumb. - DarthMurdok

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My brother once stole 3 pieces of bacon from me after I had already given him one - Luzcar17520

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The Mexican restaurant that gave me sliced avocados on Cinco De Mayo and called it guacamole. I brought it back (it was a to go order) and they just gave it a few smashes with a fork or something and gave it back. No tomatoes, onions, cilantro, salt, nothing. I just got half-assed mashed avocados and chips and they charged me like $8. This was six months ago and I’m still mad. - FriendlySlytherin

9.

When I married my first husband, half blood prince had JUST come out. So, of course, I bought it with our fat $100 'wedding' cash.

The next day, I'm getting through the book when he starts sh*t with me. I went to the bathroom to get away from him. He ripped the book from my hands... Turned to the back of the book and straight up sneered

DUMBLEDORE DIES - buttholeismyfavword

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Avatar, the giant international blockbuster, used the papyrus font as it's logo. - gspi1005

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When I was 10 years old doing homework, I wanted to look something up on my laptop but it froze, so I closed it and for some reason my mom came in exactly at that moment, as if she was listening through my door. She thought I was hiding that I am playing games. I kept telling her it was for homework, even showed her I was almost done. She wouldn't believe me. - ChxXxrliee

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Raised my hand in class, teacher says “oh I’ve heard about you “. She basically told me that all the teachers talk about me on their break. 17 year old me was pissed about the immaturity of my teachers. - Cilveus

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My bully from elementary school smashed a "Game of the Goose" board on his own face and framed me.

I'm still angry some twenty years later... - InteractiveDinner

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My cat got out and "ran away". During a fight with my ex he said it was because I was a sh*tty catmom.

Lmao that was years ago but I still wish him misfortune for saying such a stupid thing. - pleenis

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In high school I had a prom Limo set up with people I considered good friends. They kicked me out because i was adamantly against drinking (still am). I didn't care if they drank, I just didn't want to. I didn't go to prom at all after they silently started ghosting me. - romantanon

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Best friend brewed the last of my coffee (and drank it by herself) and didn’t tell me I was out of coffee, so when I woke up Saturday morning to make coffee it was all gone - ZomBpie

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My then-girlfriend asked me to buy her some bottles of wine, and leave them at her place while she was at work. That evening she sent a text saying she had been doing some thinking and it was time we started seeing other people.

Years on I still get really defensive and questioning when someone I'm dating asks me for a favor or a gift. - [deleted]

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When I was turning 25 I invited about 40 people to a big birthday party for myself. 30 people RSVP'ed, I bought a tremendous amount of food and drinks and decorated, the whole nine yards.

2 people showed up.

I haven't tried to throw a party since - Arsenic_Bite_4b

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Game of Thrones last season. - IammYourDAD

Regardless of your level of involvement politically, it's safe to say we are all deeply tired from the election cycle. At the time of writing this, we are still unsure who will win, and the suspense and lack of clarity is adding weight to an already heavy year.

Before the uncertainty mounted to its current state, people online prepared for all the potential horrors by doing what the internet does best: memeing their anxiety.

The 2016 vs. 2020 memes are fairly self-explanatory, as they function as a portrait of our emotional decline since the last presidential election.

If you're feeling depressed, anxious, or even manically optimistic, these will hopefully give you a chuckle of solidarity.

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Just because you're wrong doesn't mean you can't express your incorrect opinions with extreme confidence on a public forum. In fact, confidently wrong opinions make up about 90% of the internet. There's even a Reddit community, confidently incorrect, devoted to collecting screenshots of people who were extremely sure of themselves, despite their ignorance.

Here are 25 examples of the most confident wrong opinions ever posted online:

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Imagine being a professor who has reached the top of their field, receiving academic accolades, a tenured gig as cushy as the patches on the elbows of their blazers. It's a good life......except for the fact that you have to spend time with teenagers and young adults.

Professors and Teaching Assistants shared the most memorable emails they've received from whiny students, and they're tales of innuendo, excuses, and Beyoncé.

1.

This is an actual email, my name is James with an Irish last name:

"Hey, Jimmy Mac. i just finished that math assignment. I F*##ed that thing up! it was pretty straight forward. the only one that tricked me was #29 b/c they used decimalia in the parentheses and I eyeballed it, originally had an answer of undefined slope, but checked my answer and realized that since both points had reciprocal x,y coordinates, i mistakenly subtracted the wrong terms, giving me 0 where it actually figures to be a slope of -1. I did like the last problem that involved the treadmill. Now when i go to the gym, ill be thinking about slope intercept formula when im running. haha! See you in class tomorrow. Thirsty thursday!-----Ben " -settlers_of_brew

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A few years ago I was teaching a design studio for first-year students in our program. My boss had enacted a tough attendance policy from on-high, as many of the freshmen undergrads often tried to skip studio. Because of this, I frequently received requests to miss class for stupid things like Football games and house parties... and the requests got more and more ridiculous as the semester went on. One day I was checking my work email and noticed a request to miss class that Friday "because I am playing in the Quidditch finals this Saturday in Canada." Since it was Wednesday and our class was about to start, I decided to confront the prankster in class. I get to class and see the students crowding his desk. Well, apparently he knew I wouldn't believe him, so he brought his gear into class along with an album of photos of him playing Quidditch throughout High School. Now, I am a self-proclaimed Harry Potter fan and I felt so shamed that day I just let his absence slide. When he returned to class, he brought photos of his match and even though they lost the game, he seemed grateful that I didn't penalize him. -dzr118

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A few years back, I was working as a lab TA and I had an older student who really seemed to resent being taught by a 20-something fellow student. In the syllabus for this lab was a rubric all the TAs had agreed on. Part of the grade was always including units on numbers and we'd take off one point per unit missing.

This student handed in a lab report with zero units anywhere so I followed the rubric and took off points. I expected her to come talk to me, since I told them every day to talk to me about any issues and I'd do my best to give back points wherever it could be justified. I try to be nice to my students because it get it - labs suck and you don't have time to do everything perfectly. I didn't hear anything from her until the next lab was due. She emailed it to me and said, "Since it's apparently okay to take off an exorbitant amount of points for something as trivial as missing units, I'm not going to use units anymore."

I have no clue what the hell compels a grown ass adult to act like a 5 year old. She eventually stopped attending labs and I have no idea what happened to her. -RuYuDeShui

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I had a student who was pretty behind in the class. I wasn’t faculty at the time but a student-teacher lecturer. Anyway, in the last week before finals she asked me about extra credit. At that point it was already too late. So she emailed me saying that she would do "anything" for a few extra credit points. The implication was pretty clear. I wrote her back and nicely repeated that she was too late and just needed to focus on the final. That was the end of it, but I was glad when the semester was over. In case anyone is wondering, yes she was very attractive, but I was in a committed relationship and would also never do anything that unethical. -PainMatrix

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My most outrageous email was from a graduate student who got a zero on a quiz. The quiz was online and available to the students for a full week. The student simply didn't do it by the deadline. She emailed me saying it wasn't fair that she got a zero because she forgot to take the quiz.

I replied that all her fellow students had managed to remember to do it AND I had reminded them in class to do the quiz. Her reply: "You should have sent an email reminder to us."

Although I didn't respond to her, my internal response was, "I'm not your mom. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions." -Superfluous1

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Earlier this semester, a girl at my university made national news when she emailed her professor asking for her absence from the next class to be excused because she was celebrating a religious holiday. The holiday? Beyonce's birthday.

Here's the transcript of the email:

"Good Evening Professor,

I would like to inform you that I will not be in class today due to this holiday. On September 4, 1981 The Lord blessed us all with the Goddess that is Queen Beyonce Knowels-Carter's birthday. Out of respect, I will not be attending class today, The Lords Day. For any further questions, feel free to contact me. Have a blessed day and remember, Beyonce Loves You so Bow Down."

Apparently the girl meant it as a joke and didn't actually mean to send it but clicked send by accident. -overbend

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I'm the assistant for a group of theoretical physics professors at a large university, so I get a lot of emails from students or prospective students looking to get in contact with a professor. This one kid emailed me, and then called me multiple times, asking if he could come in and just tell somebody about what he'd been working on. He kept saying, "everything they know is wrong. What I know will change Physics forever," and had a general hopped-up-on-uppers tone. But, he couldn't tell me anything specific about his research, so I knew we were going nowhere.

Eventually, the way I got him to leave me alone was to say that no one will listen if you don't have a degree, and I pawned him off on admissions. It was annoying, but I also felt bad because it was obvious that he wasn't quite right mentally. -ghotistick

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E-mail two years ago around this time: "I know our class schedule is pretty strict due to the few remaining days of the semester and test, but the annual (omitted) is tomorrow at 5:00 when class starts. I helped the engineers build part of this and I would love to see it burn up in flames. Is it possible the test could be delayed an hour?"

My response: "You may want to show up on time to take the test - your choice."

Pretty sure he showed up to class for the test in time. Either, way it was pretty bizarre and memorable to get an e-mail basically saying "Yo wanna move the test up an hour for me?" -SolidRambo

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"Please increase my grade from a C to a B. I'm on academic probation, and if I don't get a B, I'll be required to withdraw. If I am required to withdraw, my student visa will be revoked. If my student visa is revoked, I will have to return to my home country. If I have to return to my home country, I'll be forced into compulsory military service. If I'm forced into compulsory military service, I'll be sent to a border region [Kashmir?]. If I'm sent to a border region, I'll be killed. And it will be your fault because you didn't give me a B."

I struggle to live with the guilt. -Englitguy

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I mostly teach introductory geology. One summer semester, I off-handedly said something about evolution in class. I don't remember how it got started exactly, but it touched off an ongoing email (and after class) dialogue with a Muslim student on evolution vs. creationism. It was very enlightening for me because I had only ever encountered the Christian version of creationism. It was interesting to see the Islamic version. It was all very civiil and mutually respectful. Both the student and myself learned a lot.

Years later I got an email from this student. He told me about how our discussion had opened his eyes to his naivete and it led him to learn more about science. He ended up majoring in environmental science and was working on his MS. He even had a question for me from a grad-level sedimentology course he was in pertaining to graywacke! -paleo2002

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After a few weeks of class and sh*tty lab reports (Intro physics) one of my female students emailed me starting "Heyyyy" and ending with "I'll do absolutely anything to get a good grade ;)".

I emailed her back and told her that if she wanted a good grade she would have to write better lab reports. I linked her a bunch of information, including sample reports which were available since the start of class, and she actually turned in not complete garbage from then on out. -DrHarding

12.

This is an email chain from a student I don't think I ever actually saw.

"Can I get an extension? "

"You haven't turned anything all year. I'm not even sure if you've been to any classes. It's December. What possible reason could I have you giving you an 'extension'? "

"I paid for the class so I deserve the credit for it."

"You paid for the chance to learn. You chose to not take that chance. I look forward to seeing you next semester. " -[deleted]

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I was teaching a public speaking course (required core at my university), and I had a student who was rarely in class. Okay, that's fine. I didn't get strict about attendance except on presentation days, and this was in the syllabus.

Well, the day of this girl's biggest presentation of the course arrives, and she isn't there. Of course, this is the last regular class meeting before final exams (students had 3 class days to select for their final speeches). In short, allowing her a makeup speech would require that the class has to see her presentation before they take their final written exam. No fun for anyone...

After class, she emails to tell me she had to attend an uncle's funeral. For my records, I ask for a link to an obit or some other demonstration of her excuse. She emails me a picture of a news broadcast about a local high school football player's funeral. I think, okay, maybe she is older than her uncle. That can happen sometimes. Anyway, curiosity got the best of me, so I google the football player's name. His obit doesn't give any indication that he has siblings, much less a niece. -amitycat

Alcohol is one hell of a drug. One minute it's your best friend, making you feel like a sexy and confident golden god. The next minute, it's making you text your most toxic ex "i miss you," draining your serotonin levels, and sending you into a downward spiral of shame and despair. And then, a day later, you're doing it all again. Bottoms up!

Someone asked Reddit:

1.) From stingraymenace:

I had an interview for a job I thought was cool and it was really close, I'm talking walking distance. I had a bad day the day prior so I decided to drink A LOT. I got the most drunk I've ever been and decided to go for a walk and some fried chicken. I sit down at a random company's outside lunch area (I live near an industrial kind of place. Lot of companies and no houses) and just talked to myself and ate the chicken until a security guard kicked me out. Fast forward tomorrow, to my horror, my gps takes me to the same exact place and the security guard on duty is the same guy. I didn't get a call back from them.

2.) From wydidk:

I had just passed out and I must have gotten up to go pee, but the only thing I remember is being in the attic squatting and when I stood up my foot fell through the ceiling.

The next morning I woke up with scratches and bruises all down my leg and a huge hole in the ceiling with a pee stain around it. I honestly don't remember how I got up there.

What's crazy about it is, you had to walk through our closet on the other side of the room and climb a flight of stairs to get to the attic. The bathroom was 4 feet away from where I was sleeping.

3.) From IccyOrange:

I thought my Xbox broke cause it wasn’t ejecting the disk, and drunk me thinks he’s a technical genius, so he tried to fix it.

Sober me found my Xbox in pieces the next morning, and spent $60 to get it repaired. Oh, and there was never even a disk stuck in it.

4.) From [deleted]:

Got drunk, went to a taco shop, loudly exclaimed "f**k these tacos are awesome!" and then wrote a $400 tip on the tip line of my receipt. I honestly don't remember if I meant to actually tip 400 since the tacos were so good, or 4.00 and forgot the decimal, but I was able to get the charge reversed luckily since I was a poor college kid who didn't even have $400 in my account. Shit a brick when I woke up to overdraft alerts on my phone though

5.) From Judoka229:

The texts. It's always the texts.

6.) From [deleted]:

Woke up to 20 dollars in my wallet, thought to myself "F**k yeah, I left with $60 so I only spent $40"

Look at bank account and realize I took out $200 more throughout the night. Damn you drunk me, Damn youu!

7.) From meta_uprising:

I came home super wasted and my roommate saw me laugh and say this asshole will never find this as I threw my wallet against the wall making it fall behind the couch.

8.) From lucasdoesreddit:

On a drunken shopping spree with my mate, I bought a shitload women’s bras and panties - rushed home so I could try them on, and fell asleep pretty soon afterwards. Next day when my Girlfriend came to visit, I had a pretty tough time explaining I wasn’t cheating on her.

9.) From islamabell:

Throwing up into my crush's mouth while we were making out. That was the first and only time he brought me for a drink.

10.) From Shitmybad:

I ‘woke up’ to pee after having passed out wasted. Only problem was I didn’t go to the toilet, I went on the stack of old VHS family video my girlfriend had in the corner of the room. She was not happy.

11.) From [deleted]:

Lost the the keys for a car I bought the night that I bought it.

FML.

12.) From Netflix_and_backrubs:

Started stupid dramatic fights with my husband. I would get upset over a little bit of nothing and bitch at him for no real reason. I don't think I ever said anything too devastating, but I know I made him feel terrible lots of times. Thing is, he's just the best guy. He never picks fights and has to be pushed really hard before he gets upset. He didn't deserve any of that, and I still regret it. Two-and-a-half years sober.

13.) From Experimentzz:

Got in a legit fight with a good friend. Like punches thrown after he dragged me out of the car for messing with him too much. He was hammered too.

All things good now, this was years ago in college. He had me in his wedding and I'm heading over to his house tonight to cut up a tree that fell in his backyard due to a storm last night. Gotta have the place looking nice for our July 4th party next week!

14.) From paddyspubofficial:

Ate a fruit salad consisting of red and purple berries. I then got so drunk that I couldn't make it to the bathroom, so I leaned over the edge of my bed and puked up pink vomit on my white carpet. I was also too drunk to clean it up, so I put a towel on top and left it for Sober Me to clean. Sober Me also woke up to a black eye, which I apparently gave myself by hitting my face on the side table while puking

15.) From [deleted]:

I ordered wings last night and saved sober me some in the fridge. Sober me came downstairs this morning, opened the fridge and saw a to go box, full of bones. An investigation revealed I'd thrown away the wings and refrigerated the bones.

16.) From LasagneLifestyle:

underage drinking: at aged 16 i got drunk and scared my parents would catch me so i locked myself in the bathroom, evidently vomited everywhere and promptly fell asleep in my own vomit

i woke up at around 6:00am, saw the absolute mess i had created and proceed to clean up whilst still drunk

an hour later i was pretty happy with my cleaning and decided to go to bed, upon waking up a few hours later my mum said to me "so you vomited all over the bathroom?!?"

turns out i barely cleaned before passing out again

17.) From thatgirlisaproblem:

Drunk Me hides my things all. the. time. I wake up in the morning, head throbbing. Can't find my keys or my wallet or my purse or my shoes.

Where's my keys? Oh look, it totally makes sense that they're in the freezer inside of the bag of frozen fruit. My wallet is in that bag of DVDs that I haven't looked at since I moved into my apartment. One shoe is on the kitchen counter, the other one is tucked under a blanket by the front door. WHY do I even have a blanket by the front door?! WHO KNOWS.

18.) From useacoster:

I got too drunk one day and pissed all over the place in the bathroom. Im talking about on the ceiling and places that took me days to find.

19.) From stopstealingmyname:

Invited a sibling I cut ties with to my house, for a family thing with other siblings. I did not want them to come and am honestly fine with never seeing them again. Stupid drunk me thought I should give them a chance. Fool.

20.) From killkrazy:

Thought I was keying a car that belonged to a bully from high school (this we a year after highschool) but i ended up keying a car belonging to my boss at a job i worked at. He comes in raging someone keyed his car and then i saw it in the parking lot.

21.) From redwhiteandgold:

Drunk me loves a drunken text.

Had been dating this guy, sent some messages when I was pretty (day) drunk. Cue guy being pissed off but giving me another chance. Was never really as good as the beginning after that.

Cue drunken me sending a message the week after we ended things for good saying I missed him.

Sober me apologized to sober him next day and said I'd delete his number. He told me to just stop texting weird stuff.

IF I COULD I WOULD, BABE. IF I COULD I WOULD.

But gin is just too nice.

22.) From chunkyasian:

I put a glass half full of vodka next to the bathroom sink and forgot about it. The next morning, while hungover, I thought it was water and took a swig. I promptly started vomiting all over my bathroom.

23.) From WowzersInMyTrowzers:

On my birthday, I got super f**ked up and kissed all 20+ people at my party. All my friends are super open so they were cool with it. Nothing bad happened but I was mortified when I woke up the next morning

Anyone who has ever worked in the service industry or retail knows that the customer is usually never right...

While smiling and nodding as a frustrated customer blames you for a national company return policy is unfortunately part of the job, it doesn't stop customer service employees from brutally roasting whiny customers with their co-workers in the back room. Sorry about your missing side of ranch dressing, ma'am, but is this truly a "life or death" situation, because your toddler is currently making a ketchup mural on the booth and I need to get back to work?

Being a polite and respectful consumer, remembering that everyone behind a Yelp page is a human, and having a little perspective when your 2% loyalty discount coupon from 2006 doesn't work anymore is important. So, when a recent Reddit user asked, "Customer service people, what’s the dumbest thing a customer has gone out of their way to complain about?" people were ready to share their horror stories from the land of "Karens."

1.

Many years back, worked for a store chain which sells all products related and connected to Nature. Among them, the Himalayan salt stone lamp. It's a stone made of salt that encases an electrical bulb. It is supposed to help for regulating ions in your home/office.

A customer called us to complain that their stone disappeared at home, and asked for a refund. As open minded as I can be, I however tried to understand what she meant exactly by "disappeared".

Story is, customer removed the stone from the bulb and put it in her dish-washer to clean it...

I had to be super nice with her to make her realizing that salt dissolves in water.. Specially in hot water.. Without her getting upset and getting offended... It was a lonely moment.. - blissbali2020

2.

A guy asked if I was the manager.

“Can I help you with something?”

Angrily: “Yeah, three Saturdays in row now I come down here at 4:30, and every fuckin’ Saturday you close at 4.”

“Uh...yeah. We close at 4.”

“F*ck you.”

At least he left then. The worst ones don’t leave. They just keep going. - woodenman22

3.

I work for a popular roadside assistance company and had a guy call in wanting to get roadside assistance for his daughter who was stranded. His daughter was not on his membership and there was no room to add her because he already had his wife added. So I suggested he remove his wife for now and add his daughter so she can get roadside assistance and then switch them back afterwards. Apparently this was the most outrageous suggestion. He went and told my supervisor that I was "making him choose his daughter over his wife and no father should have to make that kind of decision" - noodles_the_food

4.

Had a woman call me racist because I asked her if she needed utensils for her take-out. - DietyBeta

5.

It’s always “x has it cheaper”

Go there then. You are hurting literally nobody’s feelings. - Smellmyhand

6.

I used to work at a pizza place with a small dining room. So many people would complain that their pizza was too hot to eat. Of course it is. It just came out of the oven. This is why you chose to drive your dumba*s here to eat instead of having it delivered. Because it's fresh. Fresh pizza is hot - BOOMkittykitty

7.

The store manager was walking by my register as a customer was walking up to check out. My manager said I had to take my break in 15 minutes to which I said, "Okay" The customer complained that it was unprofessional for the manager to speak to me and that I was unprofessional to respond when a customer was approaching the register because I needed to be focused on her and greet her appropriately. - Unique_user_name_42

8.

Working pizza delivery. One time a guy called in, threatened to kick all our asses and more because we put sticks in his pizza. I told him I would be happy to come pick it up and examine it (we got a LOT of fraud calls, people trying to get free sh*t every day). When I got there his tone changed (I am 6 foot, 270 pounds) and he showed me the "sticks" in his pizza. You know what they were? He ordered thin crust, and some of the crust broke off onto the pizza. He was nice as can be after I pointed that out. - shartnado3

9.

I work at a bakery and we sell pigs in a blanket for breakfast. A few years ago one of the kinds was a spicy blueberry sausage (it had blueberries inside the sausage link). One day some lady got one (knowing it was a blueberry sausage link), bit into it and noticed some dark looking things inside the sausage link (surprise, it was a blueberry) but for whatever reason she thought that a flake of black gunk from inside our oven somehow managed to get inside the sausage link (even after said link was rolled in a croissant). She called the health department on us and tried to get $50+ of free food.

My boss asked her what she ordered, he brought out a link of the sausage to show her and she immediately shut up and left the store. Unfortunately we stopped selling that kind because "if one idiot is gonna think that then others will", which is sad because they were pretty good. - Scamperillium

10.

I owned a computer biz for a few years. The one that always got me was this chick that brought in her computer slammed with viruses, spyware, etc. so bad it wouldn’t boot. Got it all fixed up and she picked it up. Brought it back the very next day with the same thing. I asked what sites she visited since she picked it up and she, completely unashamed, said “oh my bf and I are on porn all the time”. Um, ok. I told her I would go ahead and clean it again for free but if she visited those sites I couldn’t do it again without charging. Picked it up same day. Back in the next. Me: “did you get back on the porn sites” Her: “of course”. I could not make her understand why this kept happening and would continue happening so I just asked her to go somewhere else. - tuscabam

11.

We couldn’t get a 5$ coupon to scan so we just took it off in another way and she ranted and raved because she didn’t like how it was going to look on the receipt. Legit yelled at one of my cashiers for this. I’ll never understand - chub_chub _lagazi

12.

Restaurant with open kitchen, so customers and us cooks can converse freely. Customer wanted crispy fish. Made it really crispy. Not done enough. I cooked a new one, literally like 15 minutes on the fryers; I cooked three or four other orders around it. She then complained that it was too hot and she didn't want it. - slapthefatcat

13.

I worked at a shoe store and I had a guy come in and ask where he could get some books packed up for free and shipped. I said I wasn't sure and that made staples would do it because they have a ups area there. He said he already tried there and then he called me a fat a*s (I wasn't fat. Just very pregnant) because I couldn't be bothered to get off the ladder to help him.

I was like dude. I sell shoes. I don't know what you want from me.

He storms out of the store and like 3 years later I'm still super confused about the whole situation. - omfgimaweirdo

14.

When I was at DirecTV I received a call from a man whose sole purpose was to complain that this is the United States and there should not be a Spanish option in the automated call tree. - Nick_J_at_Nite

15.

I worked at Subway in high-school and a customer demanded to speak to a manger because her $5 footlong was not exactly $5. I tried explaining to her that sales tax is normal and $5.35 is the price of anything after tax that is $5 she continued to yell and cuss at me. She even specifically stated she does not have to pay a tax. It was at that moment I accepted that there was no being rational with some people... - mywifiisbadtho

16.

Our cafe got a bad review because we have no sea view. “Sorry, we will move the house next time” - hmoeslund

17.

Once had a customer complain about the lack of windows and natural sunlight in that part of the store. We were in the basement. - ChilliCornflakes

18.

Somebody called head office to complain that they heard a Michael Jackson song in our store. - PersonMcNugget

While votes are still being counted and the future of the United States hangs in the balance, the people at your aunt's favorite store at the mall have a message for an anxious nation: whatever happens, we must Come Together and shop at The Gap.

The official Twitter account of The Gap posted a picture of a half-blue, half-red hoodie and a message of unity. People on the internet took out their election anxiety on this ripe target, criticizing the post for tone-deafness and falsely advertizing what some might find a cool sweatshirt.

With Trump falsely declaring victory and filing lawsuits to stop votes from being counted, "come together" is very much not the vibe. Fast Company is calling it "the Kendall Jenner Pepsi moment of the 2020 election."

The bipartisan hoodie was mocked for being tone-deaf and also ugly.

They deleted the tweet and apologized for tweeting #toosoon.

While not in the way that they intended, the tweet helped bring people together.

Thanks, Gap.

Sticks and stones may break bones, but words can definitely cause a world of pain. However, nothing eases the sting of a cruel insult like a brilliant, well-timed comeback.

Someone asked Reddit: "what's the greatest comeback you've ever heard?" These 21 people share the funniest and most savage comebacks they've ever heard:

1.) From sean_but_not_seen:

My mom used to own a hair salon right next to a bar. One night she and a lady who worked for her were closing up the salon and walking in the parking lot and a drunk guy yelled, "Hey baby, why don't you come over here and sit on my face?" My mom's employee didn't miss a beat and said, "Why? Is your nose bigger than your dick?"

He was not pleased.

2.) From deck65:

Sprayed an ex girlfriend with a squirt gun and she immediately fired back with "6 months of dating and this is the first time you got me wet"

There is no comeback for that.

3.) From thekilla:

Ok I'm eating at a breakfast diner, and there is an older gentleman sitting next to me at the counter.

He stands up to leave, and another old man sitting near him looks at the guy's plate and I guess he noticed that he didn't really eat a whole lot. He says to the old man as he's leaving, "people are starving, and you're leaving food on the plate."

Old man turns to the guy, looks at him for a second, and says, "people are starving, and you're fat. What's the difference?"

4.) From DaifukuKid:

Reporter: They think your haircuts are un-American.

John Lennon: Well, that was very observant of them because we aren't American.

5.) From michaelsiemsen:

"Are you getting smart with me?"

"How would you know?"

6.) From vivianedarkbloom:

A girl at work had to get glasses and one of out regulars comes in and says "aw man you should take those off you look way better without them" and she goes "yeah you look way better without them too."

7.) From FeltzeR:

I was in line at a sub shop when a lady crammed up to the front and tossed a sub near the cash register. She was demanding money back for some reason, I can't quite remember why. Anyways, when she made her approach she pushed ahead of some dad looking man in a suit, and got some of her sub mess on him. As she was getting her refund, the man calmly grabbed her credit card from her and tossed it out the door. She turned to him and the conversation went as follows:

'What's wrong with you, don't touch my property, I'll have you arrested!'

'Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you might enjoy a game of fetch. You know, because you're a bitch and all.'

To this day I think about how cool and calm that guy was. A true hero.

8.) From miserlyblasphemer:

"What's your sign?"

"Stop"

9.) From szg0033:

At a convenience store

Nasty woman was rude to the Old Guy at counter.

Some cool dude: "Hey, there's no need for that"

Woman: "Mind your own F'n business"

Dude: "I'm a veterinarian and bitches are my business"

10.) From despicable_dong:

At a bar and a girl speaks up out the blue how: "comedians are funny because they are ugly." Her friend quips up: "How come you aren't funny then?"

11.) From JournalofFailure:

When a hurricane was pounding the East Coast and Chris Brown tweeted "please pray for Virginia," TV writer Danny Zuker responded, "oh God, what did you do to her?"

12.) From JimmyJamesincorp:

On my way home on the bus, this big guy hops in, looks 30 at least. When about to pay the fare, he shows his student card for the discount. The bus driver, kinda pissed about charging student fare to the big guy asks "what does mommy tell you?" Big guy answers "study son, you don't wanna end up driving a bus."

13.) From ZeromusPrime:

"If you look up gullible in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of you"

"Yeah, well at least my dictionary doesn't have pictures, you f**king idiot"

14.) From [deleted]:

This short guy at Buffalo Wild Wings was drunk and talking shit on my brother for being tall (6'4") for some reason, saying stuff like "oh big tall man over here look at you aren't you special" etc. My brother responded with, "Dude, I was your height. It wasn't that great"

15.) From sigfemseks:

When I was 7, I was at a crowded McDonalds near Disneyland. I tried to squeeze through the really long line waiting to order food and accidentally bumped into this woman with her two kids.

She turned to me and said in her most sarcastic and accusing voice 'Well excuuuuse me." to which my 7 year old self instantly responded: "Why, did you fart?" A few people in line laughed and I continued on my way. She did not look pleased to be told off by a 7 year old.

To this day, I have no idea why I said it, but I'm really glad I did.

16.) From macelonel:

Some kid was making fun of an adopted kid and then he said "at least my parents chose me"

17.) From throwaway94216:

Bit of background Girl I was talking to has always been consistently mean to me, generally annoying to be around and no matter what her opinion is she always has to be right, if you try and call her on it she just brings in the fact she has had a hard life (which granted she has to an extent as a lot of people in her family have died, which is important to this)

One day she was giving me shit for eating meat and said to me "that's so disgusting, I would never do that, my body is not a graveyard" so I replied "no but your family tree is" she seemed to stop bothering me after that

Perhaps too harsh but I guess I just snapped

18.) From AnalTyrant:

At middle schools here in Southern Arizona they do a simple "promotion ceremony" for kids graduating 8th grade to go into high school. It's a stupid process, public education here is a joke so there's no way you can not get moved along to high school, assuming you show up to class most of the time. But for some reason some families treat it like it's some combination of a wedding and college graduation. We're talking multiple 100s of dollars on elaborate dresses for 13yo girls, and little guys in ill-fitting tuxes.

Well, my wife(obviously we were not married at the time) wore jeans and a tshirt because it's a worthless ceremony. A bunch of girls in their pretty dresses came up to her talking mad shit about how they couldn't believe she looked like trash, and how she was the only one not dressed up.

Without missing a beat, my wonderful wife says, "this isn't the last graduation I'll ever attend," and walks away. I think some of these girls might have tried to fight her if they weren't all done up in their quincenera-quality dresses.

Sure enough, many of those girls dropped out of high school to have kids with scumbags and live less-than-enjoyable lives.

19.) From badpenguin455:

Walking through disneyland on gay days with some friends and this little girl in princess dress tripped on my foot running diagonal in front of me. I was shocked and the mother glared at me. With out missing a beat my gay best friend says in the most flamboyant tone complete with finger snapping action, "that's what happens when a princess gets in front of a queen."

20.) From Soitgoes5:

This really shy kid that doesn't really speak much was getting picked on my this mean girl when the teacher tells her "be nice to him, he might be your boss someday," without missing a beat he replies "no thanks, I don't want to be a pimp when I grow up."

21.) From Teknofobe:

Winston Churchill had some of the best lines.

Nancy Aston: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee

Winston Churchill: Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

While even the most substantial arguments can feel embarrassing to look back on, some arguments are unequivocably ridiculous in the first place.

Once you're in argument mode, it's hard to step back and slow your roll, even if the argument is about something as benign as hot dog toppings (in fact, food-based arguments are oftne the most passionate).

In a popular Ask Reddit thread, people shared the dumbest arguments they've been part of, and it'll hopefully make you feel less ridiculous about the last silly hill you died on.

1. From AardvarkAndy:

My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

2. From shicole3:

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn’t. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn’t aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I’m not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

3. From dontcryformegiratina:

I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

Edit: WOW, I didn’t expect this comment to get so much attention. And for all those wondering it was my mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

4. From RazerWolf04:

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

5. From barely_responsive:

YOUR FINGER IS ON MY SIDE OF THE CAR, TAKE IT BACK!

WELL YOUR BREATH IS ON MY SIDE, STOP BREATHING!

Culminates in both parties trying to breathe the other to death.

6. From leinrihs:

I argued that tuna was a fish. They argued it isn't.

Edit: got a lot of questions below. It was during university, for a class. They were arguing tuna is a type of canned meat, like how mince is for beef/lamb/etc. I mean that's ok, makes sense to not know - you can't know everything. But it was the rejection of evidence that made the argument stupid.

7. From miss_kimba:

My mum blamed me for eating her kinder surprise hippo. It was a last straw kinda situation I think, mum feeling those “taken for granted mum” feelings I suppose.

I adamantly insisted I hadn’t eaten it. My brother stood up for me and claimed that he hadn’t eaten it either. A rare occasion where my brother and I both trusted each other as being 100% truthful.

Mum didn’t talk to me for a whole week.

At the end of which, we found the missing hippo shaped chocolate confectionary - it had fallen down the back of the pantry.

8. From Speedly:

With an ex:

I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even.

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

9. From FormalMango:

My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shift workers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

10. From derawin07:

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

11. From Lovelocke:

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund.

12. From daepicclutch:

It lasted for a week of just arguing about ”do you eat or drink soup”

13. From shackledanddrawn44:

If Reggie White was in the Chunky Soup commercials. I knew he was. My SO said he wasn’t. He realized halfway through the argument that I was right. But still committed to his answer regardless.

“REGGIE!!!!! Did you eat your Chunky Soup?!”

14. From hubmeme:

In my high school there was a big debate among a few friends. Basically, if you take a boat to Australia and walk/drive the whole time your on the boat, does it mean you walked/drove to Australia?

15. From CaptainBunana:

Once argued with a girlfriend saying "2+2 is always 4" and she was like "not always".

16. From Back2Bach:

A guy argued that woodpeckers pecked "to sharpen their beaks for attacking other birds."

In vain, I tried to explain that woodpeckers peck trees to search for food and to create nesting sites.

They also peck in rapid succession or drum on resonating metal or wood surfaces to establish their territory and to attract mates.

17. From Andromeda321:

Astronomer here! I still think of the guy sometimes who insisted relativity wasn’t real because he didn’t believe in it. Like, that was his entire argument. When I explained the astrophysical effects we see, and how the GPS satellite system would fail within a half hour if we didn’t take relativity into account, he was still all “but it doesn’t make sense!” (He had also never actually studied physics.)

Like, at least conspiracy theorists get pretty creative, this guy was just dumb.

18. From Fiatfahrer87:

My girl believes she can divide by zero. This argument goes on now for more than a decade.

19. From molnarg1102:

My former classmate couldn't comprehend the fact that Asians don't speak Asian.

20. From Loeb123:

That gal in class kept telling me Hitler the Russian guy and Stalin the German guy.

So far, election week has been very on brand for 2020 in that it's a stressful rollercoaster of fear and chaos...

Many of us anticipated that we wouldn't know the results of the presidential election on election night considering we're in the middle of a pandemic and millions of people voted early or by mail, but the anticipation is definitely anxiety-inducing. Regardless of who you voted for, flipping back and forth through news channels of anchors tinkering with projection maps into the wee hours of the night while chugging wine and panic-scrolling through social media is a heartrate-spiking night for everyone. At some point, sleep had to take a priority and we all woke up with the results still remaining unclear. One burning question also remained: does John King of CNN know this is objectively NOT fun?

So, if you could use a cathartic laugh while waiting for the official election results, here are the funniest tweets we could find from people who are in the same very anxious (and probably still tipsy) boat.

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Court is not generally an entertaining place, since the juiciest cases tend to involve deep traumas such as murder and assault, its not often a courtroom is imagined as a place for comedy or absurdity.

However, there are court cases so absurd they thrown out on sight, or better yet, the judge has to gather their composure lest they laugh or scream while hearing out a defendant's plea.

In a popular Reddit thread, judges and other court witnesses shared some of the weirdest cases they’ve seen.

1. From Rum_N_Napalm:

Studied forensics, and a defence lawyer told me this story.

He is called to defend a client who accused of robbing a garage in a nearby city. Police found his fingerprints in a coke machine. Yes, IN a coke machine. As in the disassembled an vending machine and dusted it, and found a print on an internal component.

Oh, here’s the catch. The suspect was currently serving a prison sentence at the time of the crime....

So this was the prosecutor’s theory: suspect had broken out of jail, drove 2 hours to that garage, burglarized it, opened up the coke machine, left his fingerprint inside it and nowhere else, reassembled it, drove back 2 hours, and snuck back in jail.

Surprisingly this case didn’t get tossed out laughing and actually went to court. The good news for the suspect is that his lawyer discovered that before his incarceration he happened to work for the business that maintained the coke machine, so he was trying to explain the fingerprint by saying it could have been left there went the suspect performed maintenance.

He hired a fingerprint expert, who was able to demonstrate that police used the wrong method for lifting a print.

2. From N0rmann12:

Not a judge, but a reporter who covers courts. The weirdest case I covered was a man getting caught giving a handjob to a pitbull. It wasn't sexual, he wanted the dog to impregnate his dog, but the male pitbull's owner refused, so the man broke in and got caught collecting semen.

The guy was charged with beastieality. His lawyer argued that charge had to have an element of sexual pleasure for the defendant. He said his client should have been charged with theft of biological material.

3. From zerbey:

Well, I'm not a judge but I was in traffic court once and the following exchange happened:

"So Miss [defendant] you're here for a... seat cushion violation? Is that even a thing?"

"Apparently your honour, the officer said I was too short"

(Long discussion with the state attorney and judge followed, they had white noise but you could see the judge was clearly thinking this was an idiotic ticket).

"How tall are you Miss?"

"About 5 feet"

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, case dismissed".

I looked it up later, there is a real restriction in Florida to say you need a raised seat if you are very short to see over the steering wheel but this is presumably for people with dwarfism or other such conditions rather than petite women.

Edit: https://www.flhsmv.gov/driver-licenses-id-cards/general-information/license-classes-endorsements-designations/ - apparently this is no longer a thing, the state must have thought it was stupid also.

4. From dtran33:

Not a judge, but in the US Navy I was a legal officer on a ship. My Captain has the ability to administer punishment for violating military law. We had a Sailor who broke the law and after the Captain found him guilty, the Sailor said he would jump overboard. No one took him seriously and sure enough, he went out to the weather deck and jumped right in the ocean. We had to recover him with one of our small boats and he threatened to do it again...and did do it again a week later.

5. From nonlawyer:

Obligatory “not a judge”, but...

Had my first argument before the Second Circuit, so obviously fairly nervous. The case before me had a very generic name, think “Smith vs. Generic Insurance Corp.” Figured it was going to be dull...

But instead, it turned out that the issue was that Mrs. Smith, a widow, had her husband’s life insurance payment denied.

Why? Husband was an engineer of some sort and had constructed a device to...pleasure himself. He plugged said device into a wall socket on to...“enjoy”...on Easter Sunday, while his family was out, but unfortunately was electrocuted and died. (And presumably was found by his poor family on Easter, pantsless and plugged into the wall).

The insurer tried to deny benefits based on an exclusion for “intentional self-harm.” Cue a solid 20 minutes of the insurer’s lawyer being grilled by very staid and conservative judges as to whether the poor guy actually intended to harm himself, or, as one judge put it very mildly... “it seems the deceased intended... well...the opposite.” And the insurer lawyer struggling to articulate why self-harm and sexual pleasure are not always mutually exclusive.

From the questions, it seemed like the widow was likely to win. But man was that awkward for everyone involved.

6. From ThadisJones:

I'm not a judge, but a legal case involving alleged identical twins once landed on my desk. It somehow hinged on whether or not they were identical or just fraternal twins.

They had an identical set of CODIS results. One party claimed that proved they were twins, the other party argued that all it demonstrated was that they were not excluded from being identical twins, so they 'might' not actually be identical. Apparently that was worth paying me reasonable amounts of money to demonstrate, mathematically, that if two siblings share fifteen CODIS markers, they are identical twins with a certainty of >99.99% rather than just being fraternal (or just siblings).

I have no idea what that case was about or why that was such a controversial piece of evidence.

7. From SnowAiry123:

There was a U.S. Supreme Court case submitted in 1892 about whether a tomato should be classified as a fruit or a vegetable. It was called Nix v. Hedden.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nix_v._Hedden

8. From jwp75:

I was in court once, next up, behind a guy on trial for a slew of charges around child abuse and rape. The dude told the judge "if she's not of age to consent how can her testimony be valid?" Judge proceeded to unload on this man and give him a chance to speak before she handed down a sentence. Dude said word for word "how are you going to treat her like an adult and me a criminal when I'm the one facing charges?". She proceeded to f*ck him up and he got like 20-life and I was next. Sh*t myself before I even stood up.

9. From Blue_OG_46:

Worked in LE for a long while. Escorted an inmate to court for his dismemberment and murder charges trial. He chose to represent himself. Context: was infatuated with Charles Manson and cults. Started one that preyed on mentally unstable/ handicap women and killed them if they tried to leave. This poor girl with autism wanted to go home. He killed her with his followers help, chopped her up, and burned the pieces in a dumpster.

His opening statement was something along the lines of "Ladies and gentlemen of the court I just want to clarify that things being inserted into my butt are going to come up in this trial. I'm not gay. I just liked it." The judge said what the fuck, but caught himself before dropping the f-bomb. Everyone in the courtroom laughed at him. It was thrown out and he went for mental health screenings.

I don't miss LE work...at all. I did accrue a sh*t load of stories though

10. From Sage__Fox:

I work with a psychologist who does some work in mental hospitals and has to testify as to whether they should or should not be released. Court is over the phone right now because of Covid, so I was privy to the little exchange.

My boss's patient is schizophrenic and was refusing his medication. My boss was testifying as to why he shouldn't be released (violent to his family, active psychosis), much to the patient's displeasure. The patient starts yelling, "Man, I wanna get out of here! It's so nasty. They got SNAKES in here."

The judge replied, "Sir, the quickest way to get released is to comply with your medication. And the medication will also help you with your snake problem...."

11. From ItaliaKendai:

Plaintiff filed suit in small claims court because the Defendant did not perform the sexual acts that Plaintiff paid the Defendant for.

It ended up settling in mediation which was good for the Plaintiff because it would have had to be reported for potential criminal charges if it made to court.

12. From Lost-1Mkarma:

An off-duty Police Officer was arrested for driving drunk in the city she worked in. The arguments made by her defense were incredible. First one was that no RN had taken the officers blood. Which a hospital representative clarified this is normal. Reiterated that for something this simple they can have residents/trainees do this as part of their learning. Second one was that the BAC content was higher because the alcohol was fermenting in the bag.

That the exposure to air increased this process, thus raising the tested level. Which was promptly shut down by an expert testifying that is not how it works. That alcohol doesn’t continue to ferment and produce higher numbers from a blood sample over time. Finally his last ditch effort! He tried saying the blood was tampered with and/or not tested correctly. There was a chain of custody provided and everything else that was needed to debunk this.

The officer looked very defeated by the end of our sit in. The judge basically had to tell the defense to put something better together. Finally even the judge got tired of this “see what sticks” approach and shut it down. Flat out put the defense in his place for creating this fluster cuck.

13. From scarlett127:

My mom had to go to court once because our dog caught and ate a rabbit. We were charged with "endangering wildlife". When the case was called judge laughed and threw the charges out.

14. From GI_Joke:

I once attended oral arguments for US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit. It's pretty much the big time.

I watched a lawyer argue that his client received what's known as "ineffective assistance of counsel" at the trial from which she was appealing.

The attorney however was not doing a very good job during oral arguments. So, at one point one of the judges on the panel leans forward and asks him "counselor, are you currently providing ineffective assistance of counsel?"

15. From Chyroso72:

My step grandfather was an Oregon Supreme Court Justice. He'd retired long before I met him so I never saw any of his cases in person, but he told me one particular story about a man who tried to represent himself in court.

This young man, probably in his early 30s, comes into the courtroom wearing a military service uniform. The guy seems well groomed, coherent, capable. My grandfather served in the Air Force and while he thought it odd someone would appear in court in uniform, he respected the dude. Military guy starts his defense but only gets a couple sentences in before he holds up his arm and points to the service stripes saying, "And these, these are where I get my power from. All my energy comes from these stripes."

Everyone starts looking around the room at each other as if silently asking, "Uh, did you all hear that correctly?" My grandpa asks him to clarify what he means and he says the stripes are powerful and give him their energy so he can be powerful too. Grandpa stops the court proceedings and orders the guy to have a mental evaluation ASAP. He's immediately escorted out.

The next day my grandpa gets a knock at his office door. He opens it and low and behold it's the same military dude from the previous day, wearing the same outfit. The dude's just standing there and grinning a really big, unsettling smile. Apparently the psychiatrists determined he was of sound mind and wasn't a threat to himself or others so let him go (my grandpa never told me when this story took place but I'm assuming it happened before 72 hour holds were a thing). My grandfather just stood their dumbfounded before asking, "Uh, anything I can do for you?" The guy wanted to talk about his case and getting the trial rescheduled, acting like nothing happened. Grandpa eventually convinced him to go talk to the receptionist instead.

I don't know if there was a follow-up trial or what happened to the man or even if he was really in the military. Just a bizarre story about a guy who the mental health care system failed.

16. From SnooSquirrels7857:

I was on jury duty. Had to sit on a hearing. The man was begging for his 3 pitbulls back from his mistress, and finally, after a bunch of asking, she hands him the dogs in an urn. He committed suicide 2 days later. And then I was on her divorce hearing, about a month later, where her husband was trying to divorce her on the grounds of cheating. She had the gall to say that she never had a side boy, when I was on her hearing 2 weeks ago...

17. From tallandgodless:

There was a case involving an obscure wolf porn fanfic genre that this youtuber did a great job at detailing.

https://youtu.be/zhWWcWtAUoY

Yes, the video is an hour, but its like the Tiger Kiong of crazy explicit fanfic and it will pull you in if you get past the intro.

18. From emergencyfruit:

I'm a lawyer considering whether to someday be a judge. The Dildo Bomber was the oddest case I've worked on so far. Boyfriend gets dumped in spring, stalks ex-girlfriend for 9 months. He's known to have an obsessive interest in bombs and explosives, and is a significant methhead. In December, he delivers a package to ex-girlfriend. There's no return address, but it says "MERRY XMAS B*TCH", so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who sent it.

Ex calls the cops, who call the bomb squad, who open the package. Inside is a large vibrator that's been hollowed out and filled with explosives. He apparently assumed that she would eagerly use it and blow herself up. This is how you know that men and women think differently...

19. From Captkiller77:

I went on a field trip to the court house and two cases were scheduled that day. The first one was assault and the guy said he didn’t whip the ball at his head he only threw it. Second person walked in wearing the things she said she didn’t steal.

20. From wigdom:

My dad is a judge and had a case that revolved around Bull Sperm. Basically someone leased a bull and wasn’t supposed to breed it and they bred it anyway and the owner sued for the price of the sperm.

A cute back-and-forth between a brother and sister is proof that prank wars don't have to end when childhood ends,

When Imgur user Laidback1 stayed at her brother's house for a few nights in May 2019, they got into a little "tiff" over towels.

"I asked him for a bath towel. He told me there were some newly washed ones in the laundry basket, and added that after I got my towel, I might as well fold the other towels while I was at it," she wrote.

In an impressive display of Little Sister energy, she decided to troll right back:

"So, being the little sister that I am, I folded the towels, but afterward, I made sure to text him a 2-star 'Yelp' review reflecting my discomfort/outrage of having to perform manual labor as a guest at his 'Bed & Breakfast.'"

When she returned to her brother's a year later, she was greeted with a sign riffing on her Airbnb joke.

It says:

Hello and welcome to Hathaway Air BNB!!

Here at the Hathaway Air BNB our goal is not your comfort. Our goal is to give you somewhere to lay down your big-a** head and tired a** body, for FREE. If during your stay you realize you forgot something, that's just too damn bad! If your stay is not up to your level of satisfaction, please go back up the staircase. Located on the right at top of the staircase is the front door. Feel free to open it and leave. On your way out please be kind enough to lock the door. During your departure, avoid allowing the door to hit ya, where the good Lord split ya! (COVID precautions)

Thank you choosing Hathaway Air BNB where your comfort don't mean sh*t!!!

Respectully,

Hathaway Air BNB

The host/brother went above and beyond, not only leaving this (framed!) letter, but also by providing a confection on his sister's pillow.

Not that's brotherly love.

Voting for the 2020 election has ended, but we're all still on the edge of our seats waiting for the official results to come in. Obviously, because it's 2020, nothing can be normal or easy right now. Deal with your election anxiety by laughing at these hilarious memes. They perfectly nail the feeling of waiting and waiting and waiting.

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Anyone with a dog knows the joy, humor, and unconditional love these furry angels bring into our lives. This list of memes hilariously points out all of the funny and true aspects of being a pet parent.

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Weddings can be a tense balance between what the couple wants and what their family demands. Add in a potentially terminal illness, and you've got a seriously uncomfortable scenario.

A bride has asked Reddit for advice after her in-laws demanded that she include a family member who has cancer — complete with hospital bed.

The groom's sister has had cancer on and off for years:

Myself (29f) and my fiancé (32m) are getting married in a month. His sister (27) has had cancer several times in her life staring as a toddler and is currently scheduled for a somewhat last minute surgery the week before our wedding. She will be bedridden for a while after this.

I don’t have any bridesmaids, just a maid of honor, my own sister.

The family wants her to include his sister:

His family wants me to include her, in her hospital bed, at our wedding, up in front next to us.

I love her dearly and have known her for years now, she is like my own sister. But I do not want this. It’s OUR day, I don’t want a spectacle made of our special day or one made of her.

The bride has suspicions that the mom is using the illness for her own personal gain:

Not to sound bitter, but I have always felt my fiancé’s mother secretly loved having a sick child and the attention and sympathy it brought. She’s never been close to dying, but she has had a tough life with bad luck. I think this is just another way to get a lot of attention and praise for what a good mother she is.

The ill sister does want to participate:

SIL I think wants to do it and be included. I’m actually must closer to her older sisters and would consider them my best friends, and even they are not in the wedding. I would love to have her there, but not like this.

[Would I be the a-hole] for putting my foot down and saying no to this? Fiancé wants to do whatever I want, I think he would prefer to not have her there.

She adds that the family also feels this is the best option in terms of social distance:

Side note, this is a very small ceremony and we have postponed twice already. I feel we are being as safe as possible so if you have any opinions related to Covid, just know we are taking a calculated risk and are very comfortable with our decision. [... and] that’s another excuse they are using - if she’s up front with us she’s far away from everyone by at least 8 feet

The people of Reddit agree that including the sister is not a necessity.

User night2016 thinks she should uninvite the sister altogether:

You’re not having any bridesmaids. She should be staying at home resting up anyways. With covid too she really shouldn’t be in a setting like that. Just say you will miss her and you hope she will FaceTime into the ceremony as you still want her to be apart of your special day

ResponsibilityGold88 has a diplomatic suggestion:

Sounds like her mom is pushing her into this. I’d suggest asking her if it’s really something she wants. Or better yet have your fiancé or one of her sisters ask her - when mom isn’t around. I bet she thinks it’s just as weird as you do.

A-Nonny-Mouse thinks the mom has a devious plan:

It sounds like MIL is trying to guilt you and also use your wedding photos as some kind of “look how amazing our family is” tragedy porn-attention seeking.

Briarrose1021 points out the overall absurdity:

even picture this working? Seriously, her in her bed at the front? Absolutely not. Your future SIL is not a prop, nor is her cancer. You are absolutely right thay her doing this would take away from your day in the wrong way. Put your foot down and have a private conversation woth your SIL letting her know that while you greatly appreciate her, you think that her focus should be on recovery after her surgery and not on being in a wedding. On top of the fact that in tye day of CO*ID, she does NOT need to be possibly exposed while recovering from surgery and possibly immune-compromised.

And noseandtoes also thinks the sister-in-law shouldn't attend:

that’s weird. Does your future mil also want her to arrive via ambulance? So, so weird. Sil can watch via zoom from her bed in her home if it’s that desperately vital that she observe.

So this bride isn't crazy.

But her future in-laws might be!

It's been a divisive week in America, to say the least. But some think there are still plenty of things we all agree on.

A Twitter user recently wrote, "Post a statement that reunites America." Thousands of people responded, opining about everything from French fries to Carole Baskin's husband. Here are the funniest.

Elle Woods: America's lawyer.

Fried chicken on Sundays is a bipartisan issue.

Literally it is water.

A national crisis.

This is especially true during election week.

What a beautiful prediction.

This would surely lead to civil war.

Spicy.

VERY spicy.

Can't argue.

Gone but never forgotten.

Preach.

Enough said.

A president should run on this platform.

Hmmm, interesting and true.

A little "Star Wars" humor.

Now this is going to be stuck in my head all day.

Gross but fun.

This isn't talked about enough.

We need to solve this next election.

And finally: this is exciting.

Do you need a laugh? How about 22 of them! This list is full of funny memes that are guaranteed to make you chuckle this morning.

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Everyone has had a lot of burning questions since Tuesday night, such as why Nevada is taking so long and whether or not John King of CNN will ever stop calling battleground states "fun."

Flipping back and forth between every news channel, panic-scrolling Twitter, chugging whatever quarantine alcohol you've collected, and checking in on Facebook to see what your unhinged cousin's newest conspiracy theory is can be exhausting. While we still wait for the results of the 2020 presidential election, some people have developed a one-sided relationship with America's sleep deprived news anchors. Wolf Blitzer and John King's electoral map banter, Anderson Cooper's bewildered stare, Chris Cuomo's audition for "Sexist Man Alive," and the entire crew at Fox News trying to figure out how to justify not counting valid votes--it's a lot to take in.

So, if you've had your eyes glued to the news since Tuesday night while losing sleep and surviving off of energy drinks, coffee, liquor and leftover Halloween candy, you're not alone. Here are the funniest tweets we could find from people who can't wait to take a break from binge-watching news anchors tinker with election projection maps.

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Election Night has become a week-long festival, a television event gripping the nation like Shark Week, only important. Because of the pandemic, many Americans voted by mail, and the key states of Nevada, Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Arizona (all states that end with A! Coincidence? Yes.) are taking their sweet time tallying.

As you sit at your computer refreshing your news site of choice, here are some hilarious tweets on the matter to help you laugh through the anxiety.

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There still isn't a declared winner in the 2020 Presidential election, no matter how much coffee you drink or how many times you scream "C'MONNNN!" at the television. But if in lieu of actual data you've turned to signs, here's one: this viral C-SPAN footage reveals what appears to be a Penske moving truck parked out front of the White House yesterday afternoon.

According to the news and Trump's twitter account, he is nowhere near close to conceding the race. And even if he does lose to Biden, technically he is supposed to stick out the job until January. But that doesn't mean people aren't taking this moving truck as a sign that he—or members of his cabinet/family—have made the decision to jump ship early.

Here are some funny reactions on Twitter to the moving truck outside the White House:

All eyes are on one member of Trump's family in particular...

While others are proposing more sinister theories about what the truck is being used for:

Trump loading up all the knick knacks he can find. He’ll be selling them on eBay later. https://t.co/HpKC5nNJZh

— 💙Nurse Nina Voted for Joe Biden (@NurseNinaPA) November 5, 2020

Or maybe it's not a moving truck at all...

This theory makes the most sense:

But this is the most fun:

And this person noticed something else striking about the video:

So, do you believe in signs, or are you normal? I for one believe in signs.

Weddings, while usually very fun, can sometimes reveal a surprisingly scary side of people...

The anticipation, planning, potential cold feet, bachelor and bachelorette parties, bridal showers and overall frenzied, frilly chaos can turn completely normal, generous people into narcissistic bridezilla demons from the depths of the radioactive sea of layer cake. While sometimes all of the events surrounding a wedding go off without a hitch and everyone is excited to support and celebrate the commitment a couple is making to each other, there's still usually one person who is determined to cause a memorable scene.

Whether it's the cousin who casually drops controversial political statements, the brother who decides to steal the show and propose to his girlfriend of two weeks, or the mother-of-the-groom who shows up in a floor-length white lace gown, wedding guest behavior can often be as unpredictable as a reality television show. So, when a Reddit user asked, "What did 'that b*tch' do at your wedding?" people were ready to share their horror stories from that inevitable Karen, stealing centerpieces while tossing back top-shelf tequila shots at the open bar as we speak.

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Soon to be mother in law doesn't show up to the wedding cause she hates her soon to be son in law (reasons still unknown years later) but she damn sure showed up to the reception for the free food and open bar. - HHH98Smark

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My new MIL wouldn't let me be in some photos because she wanted "only real family members". - latenightnerd

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Best friend kept jumping into every picture she could and she'd stick her middle finger up at the camera in every picture. And then she tried to make out with the groom. No one has heard from her since the wedding. - Louology

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My uncle went around taking photos and getting people's names and addresses to "send them the photos".

A month later, he sent out photos, printed on an advertisement for his fly by night "prepaid legal" business, along with hard sell marketing material. So basically, he lied about what he was doing to get people's contact info for his business. Pretty pissed off about that one. - smallgrayrock

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My sister's wedding was a bit over the top but beautiful ( castle, south of France, need I say more). She had this group of friend who all put some money in an envelope as a present. One girl, the new girlfriend of one of the boys, said something like 'I don't have a lot to give and feel embarrassed to put my participation in front of you' so she took the envelope in the loo and added her money there, away from 'judging' eyes.

Yep, you guessed it, she took more than €500 from the envelope. They only find out when one of those friends asked, weeks later, if the newlyweds had enjoyed the €1000 during the honeymoon. The girl's excuse was that she was planning her own wedding and could just afford a city hall affair and it was soooo unfair my sister had such a great venue. - MacTaker

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My mother in law changed our reception venue behind my back. Luckily, I found out and was able to get it changed back. This was my first introduction to her boundary issues. I have since learned that if she thinks there is even the slightest chance that someone won't do what she wants, then she feels completely entitled to use whatever means necessary to get her way. I think she legitimately believes that people who won't do what she wants are purposely being mean to her.

She also passed out dollar store glow necklaces at our reception. She didn't ask me or anything, of course. It was a complete surprise to see her handing out glow necklaces as wedding favors. - opkc

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Bride's mother makes a speech and says deadpan "if you hurt her, I will slit your throat"... in her speech... at the wedding where her daughter is marrying the nicest guy... Everyone was so stunned and embarrassed, no one laughed, bride and groom could barely look at her. - ross-and-rachel

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Ex-girlfriend who I hadn't spoken to in 4 years sent me a text message minutes before the ceremony was to start that simply said.. "Don't". Totally threw me and whilst I was able to brush it aside and get on with the job at hand, I've never really forgotten it. - KernBalls

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It was my husband's best friend's mom, who was not invited, but showed up anyway, and brought a bunch of small children with her (it was explicitly a no-kids, no-exceptions wedding), tried to sit at the same table as me and tried to take pictures of me while I was eating, and loudly criticized one of the caterers because she thought she saw him put a used spoon into a buffet dish (he didn't). My mom, who is pretty blunt, straight up asked her 'who are you and why are you here? I personally addressed all the invitations and I know we didn't invite you'. To which she replied 'well my son needed a ride!'. My mom told her to leave, which was so unbelievably awkward, but she left without making more of a scene. - tomatotomato50

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Got outrageously drunk, fought with their SO, didn't spend time with any of the wedding party, created unnecessary drama with family members, never said congratulations...yeah, my brother-in-law is a b*tch! - graveyard_shift14

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She wore white and spent the entire time talking about her own upcoming wedding. Her second wedding. eye roll - punwiser22

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Stood around and loudly complained about our cake choice, the photographer, our music, and the flowers. Also didn't stop the music I had chose for the wedding march when I had instructed her to.

B*tch was the wedding planner. - bcarr22

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My husband's female roommate texted him saying she "didn't think she could come to the wedding because she'd be in such emotional pain and would miss him so much." Instead, she said she'd be sitting at home, watching rom-coms, and eating Ben&Jerry's. I kid you not.

She had liked him for 2 years. He had assumed she would respect reasonable boundaries like "I have a girlfriend and am not interested."

Do not passive-aggressively confess to your crush the day before they get married. - TinuvieltheWolf

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Skipped my bridal shower and bachelorette party, but found time to go (uninvited) to the strip club with my husband, his friends, and her boyfriend, who was a groomsman. Came to my wedding dressed as a hooker and congratulated me by saying she thought it would be her getting married first. We're obviously not friends anymore, and these aren't even the main reasons for that. - DaisySt-Patience

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Well I don't want to call my mom a b*tch, but it fits the category. My wife and I told her she could wear any color dress she wanted except navy blue, as that was the bridal party color. What color dress does she wear? Navy blue. - [deleted]

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Bit off the grooms eyebrow during a fight. - lilolemi

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If I wasnt around, she was hanging off of my husband and trying to get him to only pay attention to her and do shots.

They don't talk now - kissitallgoodbye

If you're currently dealing with a stressful situation regarding a petulent employee who is not a good fit for their job, but doesn't want to leave, you're not alone. For people who own or run businesses, hiring, firing, and managing employees can be one of the most challenging aspects of the job. Someone asked business owners of Reddit: "what’s the most obnoxious reason an employee quit/ had to be fired?"

These 23 business owners and managers share stories of the most absurd, ridiculous, and annoying reasons an employee quit or was let go:

1.) From ChilrenOfAnEldridGod:

I had a sub contractor on a job for my company try and convince the client that they should dump me and go with their business and they would undercut me by 10%.

Learned this from the client, who asked me to find another person to service our contract.

2.) From Scorian07:

My Dad and I ran a business together cleaning out foreclosed homes for a real estate agency as I was finishing high school. I was a senior so I got out at lunch time and we could usually get a house done in a half day. Sometimes we’d get some bad ones and we had a few guys that we would call to see if they wanted to make a quick hundred bucks for a days work.

On my literal last day of class my Dad picked up one of our usual guys and got one house about 90% done by lunch. He was a pretty normal guy that we had never had any trouble with. The guy we paid to help my dad went out to the truck and came back into that house with a gun and robbed my dad of his wallet and took his keys and left in our truck.

Funny thing is my Dad only had the cash he was about to give him an hour later for finishing up the house. The state police got the guy’s number from us and they told him some bogus story about how my dad was being investigated for not paying his workers and if met them with the truck they would get his statement and let him go. Idiot pulls up and gets arrested on the spot. He got 8 years in prison.

3.) From vettewiz:

Employee had corporate card. Charged a vacation, purse, fossil watch, take out, along with overall being miserable to work with. Had laptop “stolen” within weeks of joining.

Fired her, and a few days later a watch catalog from Fossil showed up at the office with her name on it.

Have active court cases for all the theft.

4.) From thepensivepoet:

We had a young IT intern helping with some hardware inventory tasks. It wasn’t uncommon for laptops not to make it back to us as projects would hoard them from terminated employees but one day we noticed his backpack open and a laptop of a model we used sticking out.

Sent him to the other side of the building and checked the serial number and yep - it was one he reported as missing during a recent inventory.

Opportunistic theft is one thing but bringing it back into the office everyday... just... wow.

5.) From clearemollient:

This one kid was trouble to say the least, and I asked him to go check the bathrooms to make sure they were clean/stocked. When he asked about the woman’s room, I said just to knock and make sure nobody was inside. Apparently he banged on the door and screamed, in his very deep voice, “WHO IN HERE? EVERYBODY GET OUT” He then entered the bathroom where a poor little elderly woman was inside the stall, and continued to bang on the stall yelling “GET OUT”.

He was yelling so loud I actually heard him and went to investigate. The poor woman was whimpering and calling the police, and he just was the kind of person who had no idea how he came across. There was many weird issues but this obviously topped the cake, and I told him he was done and needed to go home. The poor old woman was so upset that she refused to leave the bathroom and I had to call her son for her.

6.) From GeneralDisturbed:

At a previous job we had issues with food being stolen from the break room fridge. The company made a big stink about it and it kept happening so they very obviously installed security cameras in the break room. Like big fucking cameras in plain sight, pointing at the fridge, with our bosses being very direct about "There is the camera, you really want to lose your job over eating someones sandwich?"

Few days later guy gets fired for stealing food. Literally on camera just grabbing peoples lunch out of the fridge and eating it.

7.) From anitabelle:

A guy filed a discrimination complaint against the company after he got fired for stealing hot dogs from the refrigerator. This warehouse (big company this was not at my location) kept a stock of hot dogs for employee appreciation picnics (usually weekly cookouts). No one knew why they were disappearing so announcements were made and all employees were asked to not eat the hot dogs and if they wanted some they could ask but couldn’t have several packs. That didn’t work so warnings were announced. Finally a camera was installed near the refrigerator and he got caught red handed. He was just practically inhaling the hot dogs directly from refrigerator the by the packs.

After he was fired, he filed a discrimination claim on the basis of disability due to his weight. I sent the response with a video of him eating the hot dogs. Also, he couldn’t prove his weight was a disability under the ADA and weight is not a protected class. We won that claim.

8.) From catalie_nurren:

My dad owned his own business working as a color corrector/editor. He had this one employee who had been there since day one and ended up becoming similar to an assistant manager. My dad owned that company for 10+ years and, just recently, he had to fire the assistant manager because apparently he was telling employees and customers that my dad hates gays, people who aren’t white, his kids, his whole family, that he’s a terrible person, etc. Basically driving all business away, pushing my dad’s company towards bankruptcy. Turns out he was a narcissistic sociopath. My dad’s just sad his employees never trusted him enough to tell him about what this guy would say to them.

9.) From Oilslave4money:

Had a guy on a location fake an injury. Now mind you he did injure himself severely accidentally, but that wasn't his plan. His plan had been to fake a minor injury and get put on workers comp. The problem was he screwed up how to do it and ended up hurting himself severely.

You ask how did you know he was trying to fake injure himself. Well that's very easy to explain. We had a 20 minute tape of him hiding behind one of the trucks on the worksite practicing his fall. Then a written confession from friends saying that he'd been planning it since the day we hired him.

10.) From Robbie-R:

Tool and die shop owner here. One of our machinist would go out for lunch and slam back 3-4 beers every day. When I found out I told him he can't drink beer at lunch. He said it was his time and what he did at lunch was his business, not mine. The next day he came back from lunch smelling like beer, I let him go on the spot.

A few years later he showed up in my office asking for his old job back. He said that he was an alcoholic back then and was sorry for his behavior. He was now sober and needed a job. I hired him on the spot and it worked out great for 5 or 6 years. Then he started drinking again and I had to let him go a second time. I have no idea how he is doing now but I often wonder. He was a great machinist and a nice guy when he was sober.

11.) From JosefKaiser:

I used to do some consulting work and hired a woman to help out. Mostly clerical stuff and whatnot. I flew down to St Thomas for a meeting and got a call from Sonitrol [security company] at 1030pm. She had keys to my building but didn't know about the alarm. Basically, she and her boyfriend brought another couple down to have a foursome in one of my offices I had converted to a bedroom where I could crash if I worked late.

So I called her... She answered mid-coitus and acted normal, albeit a little tipsy. I talked about a few mundane details I needed to relay to her anyways and then mentioned to make sure she only was ever at the office between 700am and 700pm since there was a silent alarm that that would call me with audio of activities in the building.

When I got back in town her keys were sitting on my desk.

12.) From WhatAFineAss:

Medical clinic. An employee told a patient he wants to know what she tastes like. Doesn't get much worse.

13.) From Unfa:

Back when I had my translation business, I hired a guy to seek out contracts for me, I'd pay him 20% finder's fee.

Instead of sending the finished project to a client, he accidentally sent naked pictures of himself. I learned of it when my client forwarded me the mail half an hour later, including the (multiple) shots.

I don't even.

14.) From xmasonx75:

I fired a guy because he said he couldn't come to work because it was raining and he had just washed his car the day before.

15.) From nonamer223:

Woman was using company fedex to deliver purses for her Etsy shop.

16.) From Teripid:

The one that instantly jumps to mind was the woman who was fired day 2 of a call center training course because she wouldn't stop touching herself.

Not sure how she got through HR screening. This was for a wireless phone company too, not a chat line or anything.

17.) From laterdude:

I used to own a bakery and a woman quit because she blamed her yeast infection on a bad batch of yeast I bought from China. I may be a guy but I don't think that's how it works.

18.) From thatseemsrisky:

I used to manage a store in the mall. One of my employees, I'm pretty sure, was cheating on her husband with a mall security guard. I would come by on my days off and he'd scurry out in a fluster.

I never mentioned it, but the guy was coming by ALL the time to the point that it was keeping her from doing her job. Finally, we had a work meeting and I said in a very non accusatory way, something like this:

I know it gets slow in here during the week, and I'm guilty of it myself, but from now on I need everyone to keep personal visits to a minimum or during your lunch break.

She stands up and starts screaming at me. How dare I accuse her. I'm a bitch, she quits. She continued to call me and leave me harassing voice-mail for a while too.

19.) From gothiclg:

Not my buisness but my dads. He hired predominantly people with criminal records and litterally all they had to do was inspect rental cars for damage as the cars left the lot and keep their noses clean. You could do pretty much anything you wanted on your down time with no complaints from my dad as long as he didnt get any complaints from the owners of the car lot. One day one of the supervisors for the car lot I worked for walks out and asks me for my dads number. Supervisor had caught a guy stealing gas from the property, he even had security camera footage of it happening. Dude was instantly fired.

20.) From john_wb:

My wife and I started a small software company 20 years ago. She's the manager and does sales and HR. I do the programming. Anyway we hired a programmer one time and the first day on the job I spent the whole morning with him going over our development philosophy, how we do source control etc and then showed him an overview of our applications and how we build them. Along the way he was highly critical, pointing out what he considered flaws in everything.

After lunch he goes back in to see my wife. He obviously didn't know we were married (we don't share surname and at work we keep pretty much to ourselves). He says to my wife "you know how to fix this company? You need to fire that other guy". We still laugh about that one.

21.) From yahhhguy:

We hired someone to do video/photo media work. After a certain point he felt it was selling out and didn’t want to do media commercially. He wanted to do “business stuff”. We asked him which role he would like. If he picked his role, we’d try it out. If he didn’t, he would quit.

He decided to quit... he couldn’t come up with a role.

22.) From EquanimousThanos:

The company I work is a contractor for a giant corporation and we go to different stores to do work. This new guy we hired seemed normal at first but it turned out he was a complete fucking idiot. So one day, he goes on site with one of the senior employees to shadow him. This genius thought that because we did work for the giant corporation we could just eat anything off the shelves and from the refrigerators free. Well employee saw this and was like WTF are you doing you need to pay and manager comes. This guy then started fighting with the manager then got in his car after and drove off. Needless to say his ass was fired the next day.

23.) From godlike6700:

Had a guy who we hired who showed a lot of potential (sales). He was a little arrogant and had a good sized ego, but wasn't enough of a problem. He was very good at sales and eventually it went to his head, he started showing up late all the time, leaving early, cutting corners where he could. The final straw came when he showed up late and someone spoke up about it to him. He decided the best choice of words he could yell were

"I MAKE THE MOST SALES AND I HAVE THE BIGGEST DICK SO YOU CAN ALL F**K OFF"

He was fired on the spot.

Customers thought it was pretty funny though.

In most scenarios it's frowned upon to let your kid call other adults names, but everything situation has an exception.

While it may be inappropriate for a teen to go off on a teacher in school, dealing with a racist woman at the grocery store might provide an exception to the "no swearing at adults" rule.

In a recent post on the Am I The A*shole subreddit, a dad asked if it was wrong to not reprimand his daughter for calling a woman a "b**ch."

AITA for Allowing my 13YO to call a woman a b**ch?

Okay so I (34M) have 5 kids 2 bio, 3 adopted. I'm black (Haitian) and my wife is mixed (White and Mexican).

While on a recent Target trip with two of his adopted daughters, OP was confronted by a white woman who asked if he was babysitting.

So I was at Target shopping with 2 of my daughters (13F and 7F) they are both adopted from China. As we were looking at clothes for my 7YO a women (I'll call Linda, just seems fitting) came up to us and said "Excuse me, are you their babysitter because I'm sure their parents would want you to be distancing" I replied "I'm their father"

When OP replied that he's their dad, the woman pressed the issue and asked both his 7-year-old and 13-year-old daughter to confirm.

She looked shocked and then turned to my 7YO who has extreme social anxiety and said "Honey, is this man your father" my 7YO didn't reply and just turned and hugged my leg. Linda rolled her eyes and turned to my 13YO and asked the same thing.

She (obviously annoyed) replied "Yes he is", then Linda said "I can see both of them are hesitant to answer" or something like that. I get this type of thing a lot but it was starting to be a little more than normal.

After they confirmed that OP is in fact their dad, the woman doubled down and claimed they were acting "hesitant" and if he was really their father they wouldn't be so standoffish.

Then she said to me "How about you step away for a minute so she can tell me the truth" I was getting pissed and said "No I'm staying right here with my children" She started saying things like "If you were really their father you wouldn't be scared to let her answer."

Eventually, an employee intercepted the situation and got the woman to leave them alone.

My 13YO said something like "He's my dad what do you want me to say? Can we keep shopping now?" And Linda said "It's ok honey I'm here to help" Then an employee came over and asked if there was a problem. Linda basically said exactly what happened as if everything she was saying was perfectly reasonable. The employee basically said for her to leave us alone. She insisted that he ask of identification so I can prove we all have the same last name.

When they went out to the parking lot, they spotted the woman in the parking lot and OP's 13-year-old daughter flipped the woman off and called her a "racist b**ch."

Now here's where I could be TA: The employee said that we didn't have to do that. Finally when it was over Linda left the store and we went to check out, as we were leaving the store Linda's car was parked in front and I think she was waiting for someone. My 13YO gave her the finger and called her a "racist b**ch". Now I didn't encourage it because she rarely curses in public but I didn't want to punish her. I was telling my sister everything and she said I should've at least to my daughter that even though she was mad she shouldn't have cursed but I don't think so, AITA?

When OP told his sister the story, she called out OP for letting his daughter talk that way, but he thinks this situation is an exception.

GothPenguin thinks OP was in the right for letting his daughter stand up for herself.

NTA - While I’m all for not encouraging disrespectful or vulgar behavior I think exceptions can be made and this was the right time to make one.

UnexpectedBrisket thinks this was the appropriate time and place for that language.

NTA. There's a time and a place for that kind of behavior, and this was it.

Pikachinito thinks OP should be proud of his daughter.

NTA and your daughter has some inspiring cahones. Nurture that.

animemommy thinks OP should have given her a high five.

NTA. I probably would have given your daughter a high-five! She should feel empowered to stick up for her family. Yes, the parental thing to do would be to have a discussion about name calling and the like....but in that situation I don’t think she did anything wrong.

It's clear that the internet sides with OP and his daughter in this situation, and when it comes to dealing with racism, all the rules of name calling are off the table.

Mother knows best—and she knows everything.

Parents spilled the secrets that their kids thing that they're hiding from them, and both six-year-olds and sixteen-year-olds underestimate how observant their parents are and/or their own sneakiness skills.

You may think that you're mom didn't realize that you were stoned, but she could tell because you were more interested in theoretical physics than usual.

Other than the answers about marijuana and hookups, they answers are adorably wholesome.

1.

A few years ago, I was going through my son's (3rd grade) backpack and found a can of ravioli. That's all well, except I never bought any ravioli. When I asked him about it, he burst into tears and and pulled out a box under his bed filled with Ravioli! He then proceeded to tell me how this girl that picks on him and says they are married, gives him ravioli everyday and makes him take it. I can just picture this girl's mother telling her the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. -Lael_Annaed

2.

My two year old dropped our Echo dot and split into two pieces. She attempted to sandwich it back together and put it back where it was but now says stuff like "Alexa play mickey mouse" and then when nothing happens she says "uh oh alexa what happen?" You know damn well what happen and it's HAPPENED. -throwawaybutnotrlly

3.

I just found out that my six-year-old locks the bathroom door so he can get some privacy. Last night I looked across the kitchen to see the door slightly ajar and my son engaging in his private time.

Doing push-ups.

I didn't say anything, just watched him finish his 5 reps, flex in the mirror and then walk out of the bathroom. -crichins

4.

My 3 y/o son "lost" his ball. When asked, he said he didn't know where it was. We assumed it had been left outside to blow away in a storm or some kid took it. So we bought him a new ball. As soon as we gave it to him, he said "Thanks! I'll get my other ball!" He then ran straight to a bush in the neighbor's yard and pulled out his ball. -ElKirbyDiablo

5.

She's slowly been collecting pens and hiding them in her toys. So far, no coloring outside of paper and coloring books, though. So I'm letting her get away with it. -1drlndDormie

6.

When I was a teen I came home stoned at least once a week and felt like the Beat actor ever after talking to my mom for like 20 minutes while assuming she didnt notice . When I was 20 she asked me If i stoped smoking weed because she realy enjoyed our stoned conversations.... -​​​​​​therealjoethemonk

7.

My daughter is trying to impress me by learning origami. She's 7 and doesn't think that Dad can see all the missing paper and the (messily but improving a lot) paper cranes hidden throughout her room. I bought 2 more reams of paper and just left them out on accident. Lazy old dad not putting up his office supplies. -SleepyLinkOfficial

8.

My neighbors across the street have an 18 year old daughter. Most nights at around 9:30 she has a young man crawl in through her window. I realized this because I’m usually wrapping up our evening dog walk at about that time. I’m not sure but, I’ve counted at least five different young men based on build and race. -FantasticAlps

9.

My kid would get up in the middle of the night and want a snack. He would sneak into the kitchen and eat a whole tomato except the little circle where it connected to the stem.

He hid the little stem circles under whatever was on top of the trash and would go to sleep.

We always made sure there were tomatoes for him. -chisleu

10.

My three year old thinks I don't know that she raids the snack cupboard when I'm out of the room (her face is usually full of chocolate after). She also thinks I can't see her when she covers her eyes, so sneaks around me thinking she's in stealth mode to get to something she shouldn't. -melanieavellano

11.

Girlfriend's kids (20 and 17) like to go work on the car together in the detached garage. Late at night. Yeah, pretty sure they're smoking weed. She likes to make them awkward by asking what they're up to. We see the 3ft bong you guys...-wheresjizzmo

12.

When I was a teen I came home stoned at least once a week and felt like the Beat actor ever after talking to my mom for like 20 minutes while assuming she didnt notice . When i was 20 she asked me If i stoped smoking weed because she realy enjoyed our stoned conversations....

13.

My daughter throws her lettuce under the table for the dog to eat. The dog doesn’t like lettuce.-IrksomePigeon

14.

He has a crush on the babysitter and tries to draw hearts to give to her. He also proposed.

He is 6. -LucretiusCarus

15.

Fortunately my teenager (16, going on 17) doesn't try to hide much from me. She's a terrible liar and gets busted right away every time, so she just casually admits stuff these days. It's pretty great.

However, she's been sneaking her boyfriend over to the house during the day while I'm at work and thinks I'm clueless. Girl, I know you eat a lot, but there's no way you're going through half a loaf of bread by yourself in one day. You also left his glass of water on the coffee table...-​​​​​​Enigpragmatic

16.

My 6 year old son poops in the back yard every morning and blames it on the dog. -kitcha55

17.

My 13 year old stepson looking up roblox porn on PornHub on his phone. His mother and I don't know how the hell to approach it so we're kinda just leaving it alone. Chalk it up to puberty I guess? -mastahc411

18.

My kid Noah (15) is trying to hide the fact that he's found a girlfriend, he thinks he's really smart by just saying he's going out to get food every now and then, but it's so easy to tell that he's going to see someone. Also his girlfriend snitched on him, she told us that she liked him...-​​​​​​CorridorCrocodile

While getting sent to the principal's office is a rite of passage for many kids, some test their fate with even dumber antics than others.

Mouthing off to teachers and mistreating other classmates are par for the course causes for punishment, but there are plenty of other trips to the principal's office that are spurred by truly bizarre and ridiculous circumstances.

In a popular Ask Reddit thread, teachers and former students shared the funniest reason a kid was sent to the principal's office, and the stories are pure beauty.

1. From nebulous1:

Kid dropped a folder full of xeroxed copies of his hairy a*s. Turns out he had been taping them to people's lockers all over school.

2. From Bitsandfights:

My dad worked as a teacher in a school for misguided youth, on the first day, he wrote his name on the board as new teachers do, and when he turned back toward the class, a kid had lit his desk on fire with hair spray and was just laughing. 3 foot high flame no more than a foot away from him.

3. From pecosita6960:

I had a sixth grader (let me set the scene- this kid is the human incarnation of Ralph Wiggum) who wanted to get out of class so desperately that first he raised his hand and said his ears were ringing and he needed to go to the nurse. Sorry kid, not falling for it. 20 seconds later he raised his hand and said his tongue was burning and needed to go to the nurse.

Not falling for it, Ralph. 10 seconds later he had blurry vision. (He was squishing his eyes with his hands). No dice, kid. And then, in the grand finale he stands with a flourish and yells so loud that teachers all down the hall stuck their heads out into the hallway- " MY PENIS IS BLEEDING!!!!!" We all stood mouths agape until the one smarta*s in the class adds, "...and you want the nurse to look at it?"

4. From Someday42:

I didn't send him to the office but one of my favorite moments was one time I was working with a small group while other students worked on independent stuff around the room. One student was working pretty close to me and obviously made a mistake because he exclaims "sh*t!" So I said "excuse me, Ty? What was that?" and he says "oh, I didn't say what you think I said Ms. Someday42." And I said "oh good. What DID you say?" And he says "I said shiiiiiii.......(obviously thinking hard)...t." And then just stared at me horrified. I was trying so hard not to laugh but I just told him "That's what I thought you said, please don't use that language in my classroom."

5. From MikeMlKE:

Kid in boarding school tried to cook a whole raw chicken with like 5 minutes in the microwave. A whole chicken.

6. From MusclesRipley:

We were doing sketch comedy in 6th grade a few years back and seeing as it was a nice day we went outside to practice. From across the field I see one of my students very clearly and aggressively trying to put his junk on a prone classmate. When I asked him, he said it was for his sketch and he was playing a character named "the iron teabag".

The best was the follow up text from my boss saying "I had to Google what tea-bagging was before I met with the kid."

7. From Mexi4672:

Not a teacher but this happened to me. At 10 years old in primary school I was in an art class and my teacher was super informal and friendly to all the children there, so we were allowed to chat, have banter and so on.

I remember over hearing my sister (16 at the time) calling someone a twat on the phone and i asked what it meant, A a pregnant fish she said with a straight face, so being the naive wide-eyed innocent boy I was I believed her.

Cut back to art class where I'm having friendly banter with the teacher, I say

"C'mon sir stop being a twat :P".

He starts laughing with tears coming out of his eyes, I'm thinking that I am the literal king of banter, the archbishop of banterbury if you will, when he says I'm sorry mexi4672 I'm gonna have to send you to the headmasters office, you cant say that word. I'm looking at him incredulously thinking there has to be some mistake , then he asked me

"What do you think twat means?"

I stare him down and smugly say

"It means a pregnant fish"

He begins to break down physically and escorts me to the headmaster office, I hear them talking and the headmaster starts laughing in his office. He calls me in and tells me that twat in fact doesn't mean what I think it means, I should never say it again and that I would only get off with a detention. To this day I'm still salty.

8. From FightinAmish:

A classmate in my Drafting class was sent to the dean for 3d rendering a massive dong. My teacher saw it, commended him for his work, and asked him to print it out. He then stapled it to a referral and sent him to the dean. Glorious.

For clarification:

A referral is bad in this case and we printed things in 2D back then and liked it!

9. From Icewaterforall:

We had an older lady as a Science substitute in 8th grade. It was a hot June day and the windows were open, we were on the second floor. My friend told the sub when she walked in the classroom that "Jimmy" had fallen out the window. When the sub looked out the window she saw "Jimmy" laying on the ground, contorted and she passed out. We never got a chance to explain to her that is was joke. He had just laid down on the sidewalk under the window. The two boys got suspended and that sub never came back.

10. From Rhythm825:

Girl got so drunk that she locked herself in the bathroom.

We found her and obviously had to call her parents to come take her home. We kept telling her, "Listen, it's your dean and you have to unlock the door."

She kept responding in the horrible drunk teenager voice, "No YOU listen....I'm YOUR dean." It was very difficult for us to not break down in laughter.

Stupid kids.

11. From featherteeth:

Two of my fifth grade students were arguing on our way to music class, so I went over to see why they were talking in line. I asked what was going on and the first kid said that the other kid had called him 'gay.' The second kid looked me straight in the eye and said, "I didn't call him gay. I called him a b**ch." I sent them on their way to the principal's office and sarcastically thanked them for the extra paperwork.

12. From rake2204:

I worked in a computer-based classroom at one point, where students took many of their classes online. Some tried to cheat the system by copying and pasting short phrases into all the fill-in-the-blank or essay responses, hoping it'd glitch and pass them through.

Quickly discovered one student had just been pasting "Homo Homo Homo" into all his responses, which backfired pretty well in one particular instance.

Q: Copy the words that apply to you

A: Homo Homo Homo

13. From Mltnhghts:

First year of highschool, got sent to the principal's office by my near retirement teacher for breaking dress code with my t-shirt that had drug references/paraphernalia on it. Funny part is when the principal had to explain to my teacher that 'Billabong' is a legitimate clothing company name and nothing more.

14. From CaptValentine:

Saw a kid stand up in Russian class to do a speech on a topic of WWII russia. He decided to do a whole speech on why Hitler was "da greatest."

Now, our teacher was born in Russia, grew up during the Soviet Union and came to Minnesota to teach. She was horrified. If you think that the United States hates Hitler and Nazis the most, you have not studied Russian in WWII. I was glad, because this knucklehead and his douchy friends ruined Russian class for four years.

15. From Spodson:

Kid walked into my room.

"Mr. Spodson, I got a joke you will love."

"Is it school appropriate?"

"I think so, here it is: Why are Catholics glad Jesus was crucified and not stoned?"

"I don't know, why?"

"Because now they do this," he makes the sign of the cross. "Instead of this," he starts punching himself randomly all over.

"OK, you have to go tell that one to Mr. (The Dean)."

Dean laughs his a*s off too and sends him back to class. To this day it is my favorite joke.

16. From Morningstar13:

Can I tell you what I did instead of kicking a kid out? I was covering another teacher's class in a computer lab and we have a program called Net Support that basically allows you to spy on all the kids' computers. It also serves some legit instructional purposes like allowing you to take control of a kid's computer so you can demonstrate things.

Only this teacher never used it so I don't think the kids knew it existed. I don't normally use it because I don't like the Big Brother vibe it gives off BUT there was a kid being a total obnoxious jerk. He was looking up stupid and distracting videos and laughing loudly about them and making obnoxious comments to show off in front of his friends. I could have blocked YouTube but instead I took control of his computer.

I started typing in "kitten videos" into YouTube. "My Little Ponies" anything I could think of that wouldn't be cool to him or his friends. Then every time he started to freak out and insist he wasn't doing it to his friends, I gave him control back. And then took it away again. Then finally I made a little pop up come up on his screen that said, "I'm watching you." I expected him to figure out what was going on but I think he got freaked out instead. It never seemed to occur to him that it was me. So I gave him control back and he did his work quietly for the rest of the class.

17. From ProfessorCon:

I went to a small Catholic high school in the Seattle area. We had monthly mass in our gym, and every year around Easter we did the "stations of the cross." Mass was always brutal, but the stations lasted two and a half hours or so. Unreal. A little background, I couldn't burp until I was in my early 20's. I have no clue why, but any built up gas had only one exit. Growing up, I farted to the point that people thought I had a medical condition. People even called me "fart boy." Anyway, it was my senior year and we were headed to the dreaded stations of the cross mass. My friends and I had torn a*s in class a number of times, but never during mass...we always talked about doing it, but never mustered the juevos. I had decided about a week before that this would be the day.

The mass was set up where the choir would sing before each station (I think there were 11 or something), and then the priest would ramble on about its significance. Each time the choir stopped, there would be about 10 seconds of complete silence. We're on the 5th station, and the choir is finishing "Were you there, when jesus something something...BRAAAAAAP" I unleashed a behemoth right as everything went silent. I was sitting on gym bleachers, which amplified the blast perfectly. I remember the guy if front of me was inexplicably holding a yellow plastic screwdriver...he dropped it. In shock or from the blast wave, we'll never know.

My buddy and I proceeded to muffle our laughter for at least an hour until mass ended. I've never tried to not laugh for that long before or since...each time one of us would start to settle down, the other would release a cackle that started the whole process over again. We didn't even get in trouble! I'm not sure if the teachers thought it was an accident or never wanted to speak of it again. I am laughing right now...one of my favorite memories.

18. From Sssarahhh28:

I used to work in a super strict school for kids who got kicked out of their regular schools. We had an assembly twice a day, morning and afternoon, that was extremely serious. Kids had to sit up straight with their hands in their laps, girls on one side and boys on the other. Totally silent. That kind of thing. Occasionally when we were having behavior problems with entire groups we'd make them sit in assembly for the remainder of that period or however long until they could get it together.

There was a class (middle schoolers, naturally) who could NOT. STOP. FARTING. They'd intentionally fart as loud as they could just to be gross and disruptive, and it even evolved into them getting up out of their seats and farting on each other. This is hilarious to me now, but it got REALLY old (and really smelly). Anyway, one day, it was happening so much throughout each class that we took them to assembly. I'm standing in the front with the other teachers, and our principal was talking to them. Except he was PISSED. So he's pacing back and forth, reaming these kids out, punching his fist into his hand, spit flying out of his mouth. His face is bright red.

He's saying all this stuff about respect, and then he adds in "oh, and if you have to FART...." and he yelled the word "fart" with such venom and disdain that I just LOST it right there in front of everyone. I could not stop laughing. I tried to play it off like a coughing fit or something but I couldn't. I had to leave the room.

TL;DR: I taught middle schoolers but I have the maturity level of a middle schooler.

19. From whitetail91:

The last time I was sent to the principals office was over a live chicken in high school. The high school I went to used the 8 block schedule system. My last period teacher was afraid to the point of hilarity of birds. We had chickens at home and since they were 4-H chickens they were quite docile. I put one in a duffle bag one morning and then put it in the top shelf of my locker. They will just sleep if its dark so once last period came I just put it in the bag (she was used to all of us bringing bags in since it was last period and when she got up to put the attendance slip on the door i just took it out of the bag and put it in the middle of the room..hilarity ensued and I spent the next day playing pokemon in suspension in the cafeteria.

20. From michaelh33:

I work IT at an elementary school. A kid informed the librarian they're able to get around the YouTube education block by typing in HTTPS before youtube and showed her by playing this video with the speakers on full blast in front of the whole class.

Edit: This sh** has 13-year-old profane language and random bursts of extremely loud audio. Do not watch under any circumstances.

Edit 2: RIP my inbox

Talking about money at someone's wedding, unless it's to give a generous gift to the couple, is usually looked down upon...

Comparing the cost of your own wedding to an estimation of the flowers, catering, venue, and bar of the wedding you're currently at is rude and speculating about why a couple is getting married is even more cringe-worthy. If you're not going to a wedding to support and celebrate the couple, then you should probably just stay home. Any conversation that could offend someone (especially the people paying for the wedding, or the couple getting married) should just be saved for a snarky text to a faraway friend if you must, but definitely not for the dinner table.

Sure, we're all well aware that the wedding of a 21-year-old cocktail server marrying a 90-year-old real estate billionaire is probably not out of pure and true love, but if you're invited to the wedding, are you going to bring it up money every five seconds? Probably, but you could at least have the decency to whisper and save the observational comedy routine about sugar daddies for brunch the next day...

So, when a woman decided to consult the internet's moral compass also known as Reddit's "Am I the As*hole" about her husband's snide comments about finances at her sister's wedding, people were quick to offer advice.

AITA (Am I the as*hole) for not going home with my husband after my sister kicked him out of her wedding?

My (F26) sister (F24) got engaged to her husband (M36) a few months ago. He's from out of town and he's well off (rich) he has several properties and drives a dodge. He's very generous and respectful. He treats the family with so much respect

One thing I noticed was my husband constantly making comments about him and how he ended up with our family since he's well off (I took this as an offense) and brought up the age gap between my sister and her fiancè in front of my parents. And asked my parents if they were okay with it.

I got mad at him for behaving like this and resenting my brother in law for no reason. Their wedding was two days ago. My sister was so excited and nervous she's never experienced this before and was stressing about what might go wrong.

When we got our invitation my husband threw a fit that his family didn't get an invitation, and how we were treating them like second-class citizens compared to the groom's family (who paid for the wedding) and that my parents already started playing favorites and treating their new son-in-law like he was a "big deal" in his words.

We fixed this issue and it was a misunderstanding. My husband's parents ended up apologizing for not being able to attend but sister-in-law came.

At the wedding, my husband was sitting with some family members making comments about the groom's suit and his "bad" taste and how he could've done better. I told him to knock it off as the others gave us looks.

Later, my family was gathered before dinner. Most of the guests were with the groom while my sister was talking to her husband's family nearby. My husband started talking again, making comments about the cars the groom's family came with. He was telling this to my mom and I told him to stop it. He lashed out at me and said that "he was sorry he was the only one not ignoring the fact that my sister was marrying him for his money".

I was stunned and I knew people heard that, because everyone was quiet after this. A few seconds of awkwardness and my dad invited everyone to have dinner. My sister came over to us and started berating my husband, saying what he said was awful and inappropriate and that her in-laws heard his awful comment. She ended up telling him to leave. He argued with her, and wanted me to leave with him, but I refused and said I wanted to stay with my parents after the awful things he said. I was so mad I told him to leave before I start yelling at him.

I went to stay with my parents for two days now and he's so upset that I refused to return home with him. He tried to apologize and asked if I could tell my family he was sorry. I haven't replied and I'm still so mad. My sister isn't talking to me, telling me my husband ruined her day even though I told him to stop. I wanna apologize to her, but I don't wanna pressure her.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

normally I roll my eyes when people say their wedding was ruined because it's usually over something dumb like the cake being vanilla instead of vanilla bean.....but really your husband ruined her wedding and embarrassed the f*ck out of himself, and as an extension, embarrassed you. - breatheawayfromme

you’re NTA (Not the As*hole) but your husband definitely is. it sounds as if he’s jealous that he’s not the only son in law being doted on. he needs to check his ego, reevaluate his behavior and then man up and SINCERELY apologize. you should not have to apologize on his behalf for his gross behavior. your sister is understandably upset and it will probably take some space and time for her to grasp the situation, but she shouldn’t be upset with you. his comments were horrible especially in front of his in laws and that is something she is going to have to deal with. stick with your family until your husband can genuinely apologize to not only you and your sister, but your family and her new in laws as well. - PrincessPenelopesMom

What the hell is he doing? This man's self esteem is so low he tries to raise it by putting others down. His attitude is terrible and I'd actually go as far as to reconsider if you actually want to stay married with this man. He's petty and he's acting like a child. - Tortillasaurus

NTA but why are you even together? This isn't mildly annoying, he is an actual jerk. - amhran_oiche

Your husband needs to man up and apologize to your parents, your sister, and your sister's husband, but not through you. He needs to do it himself. Because unless it comes directly from him, folks will think it really came from you if you deliver the apology. And he needs to apologize to you. - YoshTack

your husband needs to grow up, maybe this will set him straight - FarfetchdSid

It must be so exhausting for your husband to harbor so much jealousy and bitterness, and more exhausting for you to having to deal with him. - deafndepressed

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed that her husband was totally in the wrong for this, and she can stay away as long as she needs for him to apologize to her family for ruining such a special and memorable day. He needs to deal with his insecurities in a healthier way! Good luck, everyone!

Tensions are running high as Election Day turned into Election Week, and in addition to taking their frustrations out at the ballot box, they are trading barbs. Here are the funniest burns.

1. Aloha! (meaning goodbye)

2. Why you never come for a Zoomer.

3. Jagshemash!

4. Leave the propaganda to dad.

5. Call the Fab Five.

6. Canceled out.

7. School is cool.

8. STOP THE COUNT!

9. The worst curse.

10. Why think when you could not?

11. "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking."

12. Life begins at election.

13. This one is big.

14. Dry British wit.

15. Crikey.

As we trudge through the THIRD day of the 2020 United States Presidential Election, it's time to break for some laughs. Everyone is absolutely exhausted, but that won't stop us from roasting the state of Nevada right now as we wait for their ballots to be counted. Take a brief respite from the news and enjoy these funny memes.

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Most weddings don't involve the dramatic interruptions and emotional fall-outs of a romantic comedy, but some do.

There are truly few scenes more cinematic than the sight of someone interrupting a wedding ceremony to air their grievances, or better yet, expose some dirt on the true nature of the couple.

In a popular Reddit thread, people who witnessed a wedding objection shared what happened.

1. From lilsugarpackets:

My husband and I got married in a public park, near a bay that we grew up fishing in.

Mid-ceremony, a little fishing boat motors on by, with two guys in it. The are probably about 80 yards away, holding beers. One says "Look, it's a wedding." About a minute later, the other yells, "SHE DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU!" My mother-in-law yelled back, "DON'T MAKE ME CUT YOU AT MY SON'S WEDDING."

Forever immortalized in my wedding video. That's what I get for having a wedding in a public area.

2. From MiyaxKapugen:

So, so late to this. When my neighbours got married, they had a semi- pirate themed wedding on a tall ship anchored in the harbour. They had met in fencing class and are also some of the most eccentric people I’ve ever met.

When the officiant asked the question, one of their fencing buddies stood up and yelled that the bride deserved better, and the groom was nothing but a swashbuckling good-for-nothing. So the groom challenged him to a duel, they fenced their way up the aisle and the groom threw him over the edge of the boat.

They’ve been just as entertaining to live next door to ever since.

3. From CBD_Sasquatch:

My dad is a minister. He once had a lady stand up in the church and say that the marriage couldn't go forward because she was still married to the groom.

Wedding canceled.

4. From smilbandit:

My mom wanted to stop the marriage of her half-brother and her step-sister, but the wedding was in prison so she wasn't able to attend.

5. From LookatitOmar:

My wife’s grandmother was a sweet woman who was battling dementia and Alzheimer’s. When it came to that part of the ceremony, she blurted out “Women aren’t allowed to marry people!” (Our officiant was a female minister). After a short pause and some shushing from the family she then exclaimed “BUT HE LOOKS LIKE AL ROKER!” I’m a pasty Irish boy, for what it’s worth.

6. From jyuro:

My husband and I had a Justice of the Peace wedding, then did the actual ceremony with a priest later. The priest was super cool and had come through at the last second when our original officiant backed out. When he got to the part about objecting, he said "And if anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed... you're too late."

7. From Andermaal:

Priest: "...that these two should not be wed?"

GF of best man: "THAT AIN'T YER KID IN THERE!"

Best man was f*cking the fiancee since the groom's 2 month trip to China. He thought he was great at hiding it from his GF. He was not. Think 3 relationships ended there and a few more friendships.

8. From ShabaDabaDo:

My best friend, the morning before his wedding, his crazy uncle (you know, that one black sheep uncle that everybody seems to have), shows up at his door. "You don't have to do this. We're 2 hours drive from Mexico, here's the keys to my car, the tank is full, and here's 10 grand in cash." My buddy laughs and closes the door on him.

Later, during this very fancy, very prim and proper Catholic wedding, it comes to the 'anybody here' part. Immediately that uncle stands up in the pew, in the back, starts rattling his car keys as loud as he can, and yells "TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN, BOY!"

9. From Auto_Fac:

I am a Priest, here's a mildly interesting tidbit about this.

In a church context this question is a holdover from the days when the civil authorities had little to do with weddings and it was simply administered solely by the church, therefore it was the churches responsibility to ensure that nothing was amiss: most notably, issues of adultery or of consanguinity (being too closely related by blood).

Now that couples must receive their marriage license from the state before being married in the church, this question is essentially moot as the state has already determined that barring some sort of identity theft, there are no impediments to their being married.

We still ask because there may be reasons, such as adultery, that require investigation.

If someone does object during a church service it is protocol to take them and the couple into the vestry and determine what the source of the objection is. If it was a joke, they are a jerk for interrupting and we carry on. If it is real, like a groomsman sleeping with the bride the night before her wedding, then stuff hits the fan.

10. From challam:

I really wanted to...bride/groom had decided to split a week before the wedding, but bride's dad said he wouldn’t pay for all the related expenses (and had already paid all deposits) unless they went ahead with the wedding, so they went ahead with the sham. Not everyone present knew and the couple acted their way through a grotesque display. They lived together just long enough to finalize all the split-up details then divorced.

Truly a nightmare day for those of us who knew the couple well.

11. From HepburnInConverses:

We had this line taken out of our wedding because we knew my MIL would object if given the opportunity. She showed up with a friend we had NOT invited (who wore all black) & sat in the front row bawling the whole time. She had written me a 6 pg letter the week before the wedding literally calling me the Antichrist & was/is convinced she's a prophetess of God & that my husband & I were not supposed to get married because she had "prophesied" he was supposed to marry someone else so he could become the next Billy Graham. 12 years later, marriage is still going strong...but we don't have contact w/MIL. Big surprise.

12. From SuspiciousMystic:

My Aunt had her wedding at my Grandmother's house. It was a nice Saturday afternoon, 1pm wedding.

"If anyone has reason..."

(A very loud car in the distance does a short burnout)

After a pause, the Pastor continues "If anyone has reason that these two shouldn't be..."

(Same car in the distance loudly pulls a full quarter mile run, 10 seconds or less pass before it is quiet again).

There was a nearby dragstrip and they were not supposed to start until 2pm, both the 1pm wedding started late and the 2pm drag racing started early. The entire ceremony had 10 second or less interruptions.

13. From darthtoe:

I was at a Hindu wedding. It's a 3 hour ceremony that happens on a stage and there were 500 guests. At some point a group of young guys walk to the front of the hall. The bride walks of the stage and leaves through the side of the hall with the the group of guys. Anyway the priest carried on chanting and with the ceremony. The guests assume everything is going on as per normal for the next 15 minutes.

After that there were some sudden side conversations between parents, priest groom etc.Turns out that the bride to be left with her boyfriend. The marriage to the groom was arranged and the boyfriend was someone that the father did not like. Last I heard was that the boyfriend and the bride were still together.

14. From JackB159:

Heard from my Dad, a former C of E priest:

Dad: ‘Anyone who knows a reason why these two should not be married should speak now or forever hold their peace’

Bride: ‘Yeah I do. He was in bed with my bridesmaid last night’ slaps groom, walks back down aisle

Dad:"...well I think obviously we can’t continue. Thank you all for coming"

15. From Gromby:

My favorite was a wedding I went to for a friend where when they asked this question the father of the bride unloaded a fart that echoed off the church bench so loud that everyone stopped and just looked at him.

The bride started laughing so hard that her face turned bright red and she had to sit down. 10 minutes of her laughing so hard she didnt make a sound while the rest of the church laughed. Finally the dad stands up and says "Look I had a bagel this morning, it didn't sit well". The mother of the bride hit him but laughed and everyone laughed again. Was probably the best wedding I have ever seen.

16. From fuqmook:

Sort of multi-layered. It started at the bachelorette party and carried over into the wedding.

So, I was not part of this wedding, but was present, and part of the bachelorette party was kind of an open house, anyone show up sort of deal with some "party royalty." Basically the bridal party went to a bar and all the friends could swing by and say hi. So I do that and get beer and congrats and whatever.

Go to the lady's room and the bride is in there with her arms crossed and someone is crying in a stall. Turns out, one of the bridesmaids got drunk and basically said, "I'm so glad you and Fiance could forgive each other after he cheated, you're so good together." But the bride didn't know about the cheating.

So the bride decides to lay into the bridesmaid and talk about bridesmaid's husband, how he's a sleezebag who cheated at some point too. So bridesmaid is crying in a stall and bride is pissed.

I make a quick exit. The wedding still happens that weekend.

I'm milling around with the guests in pre-wedding mode, my spidey senses are on high alert cause of the drama I heard at the party.

And sure enough, the bridesmaid's husband is like, trying to force himself into the getting ready area with the bride to yell at her for judging, cause apparently HE has more dirt on her.

So the groom cheated, the bridesmaid's husband cheated, and apparently the bride at some point cheated or at least was way too friendly with an ex. I didn't hear all the details on the last one.

No one was holding peace that day.

Edit: I have also posted this in the Bachelorette Party AskReddit question since it involved the party beforehand.

17. From Wife-B-Gone:

I didn't say anything during the ceremony, but I was definitely telling my sister we could still leave right now and cancel the whole thing right before it. She was only marrying him because he got her knocked up. They were both 19, and I was pretty sure he was already an alcoholic. Their marriage lasted only 2 years, I was right about his drinking, a handle of Jack every day.

However my sister didn't let it tear her down. During her marriage she enrolled in college, eventually getting two degrees and lifting her son and herself out of what was going to be a terrible path. I feel her life would have been easier if she had listened, but she still succeeded the hard way.

18. From Fission_chip:

At my uncle's wedding the priest asked the question and there was a massive crack of thunder.

19. From Analytica0:

A few years after I graduated from college, a distant friend from high-school asked if I would stand up in her wedding because one of members of the wedding party had backed out. I said sure, happy to do so because I would be at the wedding anyway. I show up at the wedding as the replacement member of the wedding party and assume my place at the front of the church during the ceremony.

At the point in the ceremony where the minister asks people 'speak now or forever hold your peace' this person who I replaced in the wedding party shows up at the chapel, points to the happy couple and says "I got crabs from them.". Seems the happy couple had a 3 way with this person sometime before the wedding which is why I had to replace that person in the wedding party. Further seems that the reason that this person got crabs is that this couple had LOTS of 3 ways and extra relationship sex before getting married. This was later confirmed by other members of the wedding party.

NO JOKE: the appetizer at the wedding reception was crab cakes. You can't make this stuff up folks!

20. From crochetprozac:

At my cousin's wedding, it was a full on, 2 hour long Catholic affair with hymns, blessings, verse readings etc Anyway the priest asks the question and my cousin's brother stood up, adjusted his shirt, stared at my cousin getting married for what felt like forever, grinned then slowly sat down.

My cousin getting married went completely insane, ran down from the altar and socked him right in the nose, screaming"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!??"

And that's how I was a part of a MASS brawl lol

Kids are hilarious tiny weirdos who play by no rules, except the ones they make up in their strange and colorful minds. This might make their parents' lives difficult at times, but at least it also makes them fantastically entertaining.

Here are 21 photos from parents capturing the hilariously weird, unprecedented behavior of their spawn:

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The single life isn't always easy, but sometimes it's pretty dang great. You can watch whatever you want on TV, set the thermostat to any temperature you like, and have passionate first kisses whenever the mood strikes you. These memes totally nail the hilarious highs and lows of single life.

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Everyone loves a rags-to-riches story — but what about riches-to-rags?

Yes, sometimes people can amass vast amounts of cash, only to lose it all. A recent Reddit thread asked for the stories behind people who've gone from super-rich to broke. Maybe we can all learn something!

1. A Civil War will do that...

The Somali Civil war. My grandfather had a manufacturing company, but the war ruined it. My family used our last half-million to get our relatives out of the country. - WilhelminaHunsicker1

2. Poor planning...

[An acquaintance] inherited a million dollars in cash and near-cash assets when his only parent died and he was 20 years old. Now, you aren't just going to retire at 20 on a million bucks but it's a great way to pay for college, maybe buy a car and a down payment on a house, and save/invest the rest. Basically, it's a really good way to start your adult life and nearly ensure you'll be quite wealthy in your later years.

Did he do any of that? Nope. Bought himself a ridiculous luxury car, bought cars for his friends, bought wardrobes of designer clothes, threw huge parties repeatedly, etc. Ended up broke in two or three years and went back to waiting tables to make rent. Sad to see. - 05110909

3. Sad.

Growing up, my best friends family was extremely well to do. I'm talking running with the bulls in Spain, private jets to Aspen to ski kind of rich. My friend had every toy, gaming console, and cool piece of clothing imaginable.

Right before our senior year of highschool my Friend's dad killed himself. Turns out he was cooking the books at his business as well as falsifying his his taxes and the company was basically worth nothing. He was looking at 30 years in prison, so he just decided to end it all.

My best friend went from a 6,500 square foot mansion on the water to a 1,200 square foot condo with his mom and two siblings. He adjusted to being poor like the rest of us and he is still my best friend. - TonyDanza757

4. Slow and steady loses the race.

Friend of mine is a direct decedent of a super rich Spanish noble from Madrid. Essentially, this guy made so much money, nobody in the family needed to work for over a century. But because nobody worked, there was no money added to the family fortune, and it slowly dwindled away. His dad got the last of it and used it to get a degree from a good university and is doing really well for himself. - JMSTELL

5. Well, sounds like they enjoyed it while they could.

My wifes Aunt used to be rich. Was married to a brain surgeon who was also on the board of directors for all the local hospitals so pulling down two checks. She was a platinum member of a local casino and would send us and other family members coupons for all inclusive weekend visits to the casino. You literally did not need to bring any money for anything. All food, drink, gratuity, ect was all taken care of. Anyway her husband had his medical license revoked for writing too many scripts for pain killers to her and other people and they both now live in Mexico somewhere. - 1320Fastback

6. Um... harrowing.

my sister would have been set for life. Her father died from cancer and she lost both her eyes to cancer at the age of 6 months. The way things were set up, she was going to be able to draw her father's social security the rest of her life so long as she never married and had a full ride to an all blind college, dorm and everything, paid for through scholarships. She was a really smart, straight A student and she was going to be a court stenographer. So, this pay combined with the social security may not have made her exactly rich, but she would have been extremely comfortable in life/close to rich.

A little while before she was suppose to leave for college, my parents found a note on to the front door. It was from her new husband, she had ran off and gotten eloped. He also discouraged her from going to college. The man was 20 years older than her, about a year or two older than my mother, who later admitted her wanted to marry my sister because she knew she'd be able to draw a disability check.

So, not only did she lose her scholarships, but she also lost her father's social security before she even received the first check from it. And that man got her involved in a lot of drugs. He was a man from the local church that basically manipulated my sister and did that thing that most abusers do by making the person they're targeting feel incredibly special and desirable. My sister, being only 18, I think 16-17 when they met, took the bait.

They divorced and she's clean now, had been for a few good years. But now has to live off her disability check and food stamps. She talks a lot about how she wished she had just gone off to college and it's sad to see how one bad choice changed everything. She really encourages her daughters to focus on education and was one of the driving forces that encouraged me to get my GED when I dropped out of high school. - PixelsationStudio

7. Tale as old as time...

When my dad found "the other woman". - nazzariox

8. A fortune can be wiped out due to sickness.

This story went in my family, way before I was born. My family used to be very wealthy, my great-grandfather to be exact. My mother showed me a bunch of photos of wedding and the big houses, she describes my GGrandpa as a pure soul and would do favours to our family beyond money. One day my great-grandmother got really sick and my GGrandfather sold houses and spent a lot of money on making sure she got the attention she needed. My family is nowhere near rich now, we have our difficulties but we take good care of eachother. The important thing is that my GGrandmother lived longer than my GGrandfather. - BlackCatG

9. This person's family also lost their money due to war.

My mom came from a super rich family in SE Asia, and my grandfather was a congressman. They owned several properties, my mom was basically taken care of by her butler, cook, and siblings since her parents were always away on business. She learned French, the piano, and received a college education which was very atypical for women at the time.

The country was invaded in the Indochina wars and no longer exists. My grandfather was thrown in prison but escaped with his family and they started life over again in a refugee camp in the US. We're doing well now. - colonelsmoothie

10. Oof.

During this year's outbreak, after I gave out my company's final cash flow to employees, we dissolved the thriving company, and I ended up the same. - JD868

11. Bad spending choices!

it was an ex-girlfriend and her family. her dad was a war artifact/art collector and salesman. the kind of job where one sale = $5,000-$100,000. that kind of quick money made him believe he could live rich. so he lived in a big house, had another big house in a different state, a timeshare on an island, he would swap out for the newest Cadillac Escalade every two years. he managed to run life like this, getting into a habit of really bad spending choices, for 20 or so years until it was revealed to everyone he was subsidizing all of it with credit and wasn’t making nearly as much money as he used to or claimed. that was when the IRS and the banks came knocking.

he had held onto some artifacts and art and was able to sell those piece by piece to slow down and lessen the blow, but it was an undeniable downward spiral and he ended up declaring bankruptcy. private artifact collectors and art collections just aren’t as hot as they used to be so he’d have to settle on low prices for all the sales. now he frequently moves around in a different state to keep the IRS and banks off his tail, and my ex is just about the only person who has stuck by him through this but there’s only so much she can do. - greatergood2019

12. Sad for him.

[My friend] was a multi-millionaire living very comfortable. However, he made horrible financial decisions and was left nearly broke. His wife, seeing his net worth plummet, filed for divorce and took half his remaining assets and he was left homeless. I haven't seen him since. - SciscorX

13. Hope this guy's feeling better.

I had a job that paid $120,000 year after working there for 3 years. My gf of 10 years (who I was about to propose to) left me out of the blue. I had bought a ring. I saved up enough money to help with the wedding and even enough to put down on a decent condo for a starter home. Anyway after she left me I fell into drugs and alcohol and ended up losing my job.

I ended up getting into an accident when driving drunk (I hit a concrete barrier and only hurt myself thank god. Dont drink and drive). I broke my my back and shoulder blade in an atv accident again drunk af and am now held together by pins and needles. I can't do labor work anymore and now make minimum wage in the food industry. I lost 3 more jobs do to drugs and alcohol before I finally checked myself into rehab. - canadianpresident

14. Very sad.

I have never been rich but my family was well above average when i was a kid. My father was a mechanic and in 1981 he bought a car repair shop that made us money pretty well.

Then in 1992 the Bosnian war started and our hometown of Sarajevo was put under a siege that lasted until 1996.

In 1994 we were able to escape the city and move into a refugee camp. When the war ended we returned to Sarajevo and my fathers car repair shop as well as our home were in total ruins after all the artillery and mortar fire.

We were able to get a new home fairly quickly with the help of some of our relatives but we never got the car repair shop fixed. It was in so bad condition we just demolished it after we had sold all found scrap metal and usable tools. - BrunoOtus

15. What a roller coaster.

My parents had built up a multi million dollar company over a couple decades before and during my early childhood. Around 2006 they separated and ran each other dry in court. Then the crash came and bankrupted both of them and lost everything they put years into. Unknowingly recently after my mother’s parents passed away she was able to take a portion of an investment account that built millions from her fathers stock from working in the railroad industry.

My father rebuilt his business from scratch repaired his credit and has grown it bigger than it ever was before. By the age of 21 I’ve witnessed my life go from rich to broke to wealthy. I am in a great position in life now for my age but work,plan,live and learn like everything could be again gone in the blink of an eye. - ObamaPhones4Sale

16. This person also came through on the other side.

I wasn't "rich" but comfortably upper middle-class. If I wanted to spend my birthday in Paris, I could, for example.

However, I was in a toxic marriage and had been out of the workforce for years raising my children. Once they were older, I got help for my depression and got out of the toxic marriage. At the time I worked for a local newspaper and was able to put a down payment on a modest house for myself and the kids.

Then the housing market crashed. Then the print news market crashed. Then my ex-husband withheld child support. I had several VERY lean years while I built up my own business, and it was incredibly hard.

But you know what? I don't regret it at all. I came through to the other side a stronger, much happier person. I have a great relationship with my now-grown children and their children.

My income isn't impressive, but I have what I need. I can stand on my own two feet and overcome adversity. Looking back, I wouldn't trade the experience of the last 15 years for anything. - sigridbykittencaesar

17. Darn temperance movement!

My great-grandfather owned I don't know how many acres of vineyards and then lost them all during prohibition. Everyone in my family from its founding up to my grandmother went to Stanford, but my dad had to go to Berkeley like a peasant. - discountErasmus

Getting free coffee is all fun and games — until you're expected to return the favor.

At least that's what one guy thinks. He has taken to Reddit to ask if he was wrong for refusing to pay for someone's coffee at Starbucks, after he got his for free. He decided to break the chain, and now he's wondering if he's an a-hole.

The man says after he got his free coffee, he "drove off":

I was at Starbucks and got to the drive-thru window and was told that the person in front of me paid for me period and I said that's great! and then proceeded to drive off

And got a dirty look from the Starbucks worker:

but the lady was looking at me like I was extremely greedy or something. I purchased two drinks and the people behind me were a minivan full of kids sooo... I would've probably ended up spending more

He doesn't think it's his job to pay:

But to me it's the principle. I never asked anyone to pay for me, so why should I automatically be expected to pay for others when I never asked for it? It feels pretty s***** for others to get angry because someone took away my freedom to pay for my own drink and thrust it on me the principal that I have to now pay for someone else

The people of the internet agree he was under no obligation to pay for the people behind him... but driving off with the free coffee and not paying it forward may not be the best karma.

User redwilier is on his side:

Coerced charity is a bastardisation of selfless giving.

StenFace agrees:

You didn't ask to be paid for and hey, maybe you didn't have the money to spend on more than those two drinks, maybe it was the company card, maybe lots of things. It doesn't matter and you're not an AH for this.

v2den agrees:

The chain has to end at some point. You didn't ask for it. Enjoy your free drinks.

But EatThisSh has a different idea:

What you could have done was pay your own drink and ask the lady to take that amount of money off the bill for the minivan people, but the fact that you didn't does not make you an a**hole.

lilacmoony says they could've done something:

Your situation is why this chain concept doesn't sound as good, because you may get stuck with paying for a whole bunch of stuff. If you really wanted to be fair, you could've refused the free drink and paid for yourself. Or if your drink cost $5, you could've accepted the free drink and contributed $5 (or more if you wanted) for the people behind you. That way you would end up receiving and doing a random act of kindness at the same time.

Ladyughsalot1 settles it:

I think ultimately it woulda been nice to have said “listen I likely can’t pay for their entire order but I’d like to cover the drink behind me” and I say this only because you appear to have wanted to manage this differently.

But as someone who has worked many a Canadian drive thru where this is a favourite event lol, it’s fine to break the chain.

So there you go. If you find yourself in this situation, let your conscience be your guide...

Wipe the crust from your eyes and get ready to laugh. You may still be drowsy, but these memes are just the energy boost you need this morning.

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This week has been perfectly following the main themes of 2020 in that it's unpredictable, terrifying, and seemingly never-ending...

While none of us really anticipated that the results of the 2020 presidential election would be revealed on election night due to the pandemic, the process of waiting for mail-in ballots to be counted in such a tight race has been a chaotic, wine-fueled marathon of stress. Nevada seems to be following a schedule entirely on its own, which is confusing for a state known for 24-hour bars and never sleeping. Maybe we'll hear from Nevada in 2021 after they've had some "much-needed me-time" at a spa? Regardless, many people all over the country are working incredibly hard to get the votes counted as quickly as possible and all we can do now is wait, cry, and form deep and heartfelt one-sided relationships with news anchors.

Last night, while people on Twitter were discussing both Trump's speech also known as the #TrumpMeltdown, and "The Bachelorette," where a woman got engaged to a man after knowing him for 12 days while trapped at a La Quinta resort during a pandemic, the "Biden: 264, Trump: 214" meme was born. So, if you could use a laugh while waiting for the election results after being glued to the news for three days straight, here are the funniest tweets we could find about the electoral vote counts.

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It's Day 3 of Election Night, and Americans awoke to the news on Friday morning that Joe Biden is reported to be on the cusp of the presidency.

Thursday night, Georgia was on everyone's mind, but as of nine o'clock this morning, it was Pennsylvania's time to shine. The Keystone State's native son, Joseph R. Biden Jr. of Scranton, was ahead by nearly 7,000 votes, thanks in part to the large mass of voters in Philadelphia.

The people of the City of Brotherly Loveare proud of their town.

People are thanking America's hero, one Philadelphia Flyers mascot named Gritty.

Credit belongs to the organizers in Pennsylvania who mobilized POC all over the state to get their revenge on Donald Trump.

The likely Pennsylvania victory funny takes on a special significance after Eric Trump baselessly tweeted"We won Pennsylvania!" two days ago.

The stars of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia have never been more hype for the setting of their show.

It's a sunny day.

Alexa, play "Philadelphia Freedom" by Elton John.

Desecration of public property is wrong. Most of the time. But of course, there are exceptions. Because sometimes, a little mild vandalism actually makes public property better—or at least it makes the public laugh and smile. And some might argue that's an act of public service.

Here are 40 of the funniest examples of mild, wholesome or cheeky vandalism that made a positive impact—or at least made someone laugh:

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One of the biggest red herrings during debates between Republican and Democrat candidates is the question of taxes. There is often a notion that Democratic candidates (in this case Joe Biden) will raise everyone's taxes regardless of income, but the tax changes often proposed only change taxes for wealthier people.

While there has been concern expressed online about Biden's proposed tax plan, he's made it clear it will only affect people who make more than $400,000 a year, while the average income in the U.S. hovers around $63,000.

All this is to say, the average voter won't be affected by Biden's tax plan, but that hasn't stopped people from expressing fear or opposition around taxes.

So naturally, people on Twitter have responded to paranoia about taxes the way they best know how, through memes roasting their adversaries. Hopefully these will give you a laugh as we settle into the final results of the election.

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Unfortunately, we can't just speak things into existence on a whim.

That being said, there are rare situations where a passing statement acts as a sort of prophecy, and you watch the statement become truth. These moments can jolt us awake with a renewed sense of just how chaotic the universe is, and how the invisible strings holding everything together may be more meta than we realize.

In a popular Ask Reddit thread, people shared the craziest moments where they said or thought something right before it happened.

Truly, the world is a strange place.

1. From OP:

When I was 17 a friend and I were driving around town in his 80-something Toyota Tercel. This car was a total piece of crap and had had a seriously loud knock in the engine for weeks. We had been out tooling around for maybe an hour and the knocking noise was getting to me. We're sitting at a red light in the center of a 3 lane road about 20 minutes from home when I exclaimed,

"Wouldn't it be some sh*t if this piece of crap just went BANG and blew the hell up?"

As the light turns green my friend chuckled and said something like, "Heh, yeah, that would suck."

The car in front of us starts to move and my buddy pushes the gas and BANG, that piece of shit threw a piston and died right in the middle of the road. He looked at me like, "WTF did you do that for?" and we both laughed our as*es off for a few seconds. We pushed his car into a nearby church parking lot with the help of a few onlookers and he took the plates off and we left it there. That was over a decade ago and as far as I know he never heard another thing about it. No idea what eventually became of that car.

2. From sorrowfool:

I worked at a Starbucks in a Lucky Grocery store. We had a guy that would come in 4-5 times a week and get a small coffee (we would give it to him for the refill price) and sit in the store for hours. He was homeless and smelled pretty bad, was pretty scruffy looking with long hair and a beard, but he seemed nice enough. After like a year of this, the store manager came to me and told me if I saw Nathan (the homeless guy) to call him (the store manager) because he wanted to talk to him.

That night I had a dream that I was at work and Nathan was there as well, but as an employee. Nothing super eventful about the dream, until I went to work the next day and saw we had a new employee. He was sitting at the table in front of the Starbucks' kiosk and one of my co-workers was talking to him. I didn't really pay much attention, until my co-worker called me over and said, "Doesn't he look completely different without his beard?" Mind blown.

Apparently, my store manager figured that if he was going to be chilling in the store all day he might as well give him a job. He bought him some clothes, got him a haircut and a shave, a gym membership for showers, and started helping him look for a place to stay. I really never had a positive or negative opinion on the store manager before that point, but mad respect for that.

5 years later, Nathan still works there. He outlasted me.

3. From BrainTroubles:

I would never believe this story happened if I wasn't present for it. When I was in high school, me and a buddy were driving back from long beach with his mom. About halfway home, this asshole starts riding his moms rear bumper. She gets really nervous and tries to get out of his way by changing lanes, but mid lane chance, the cock guns it and changes lanes around her, scaring the f*ck out of us and nearly forcing her into the center divider.

Well he then gets in front of us, and slows the f*ck down to like 1 mph higher than we were going, and his mom is almost in tears and is just screaming "What the f*ck a*shole?" So my buddy goes "Don't worry about it mom, we'll all laugh our a*ses off when he blows his tire and wrecks his car right now." The words had barely left his mouth when BOOM! His front left tire completely blows and he tanks his shiny Nissan right into the k-rail. We had to swerve to avoid hitting him.

Needless to say it was an eerie ride home...

4. From CarbonCtrlc:

Watching Jeopardy, the final jeopardy subject was "Science". During the commercial break, I said "I bet it's Tungsten".

The answer was Tungsten.

5. From SevenFourteen:

I was about six years old and playing with my brand new pet bunny rabbits that my dad had bought for me after church. I turned to him and said, "Daddy, I'm glad that you and Mommy are still married. So many of my friends' parents are divorced." My dad responds, "Actually, that's something we need to talk about."

And that's how I learned my parents were getting divorced.

6. From AimForTheHead:

When I was 14 or 15 I was sitting with this girl I just started hanging out with. We're waiting for our ride home and she talks about missing her brother, and I said something about him showing up for the Christmas not realizing he was very estranged (3 years) from the family. Awkward moments ensue, we get rides home no big deal, flashfoward to 7am Christmas morning, she calls freaking out because he showed up at her family's door.

7. From think_happyness:

The first laptop I ordered arrived a day early when I was out of the house, so I came home to find the little slip on my door saying they would try again tomorrow. The next day I woke up, only to find that I had slept in and missed the shipment again. I was pretty annoyed but just set my alarm for the next day. For some reason, I miss the FedEx guy for the third day in a row and am just fuming. I decide to go for a run to vent my anger and while running I think to myself, "Wouldn't it be awesome if I saw the FedEx truck and got my laptop?" After half an hour, I turn the corner of an intersection and see the FedEx truck and the FedEx guy walking towards it. I excitedly dash up to him and explain my situation to him in while gasping for air. He remembers the package, finds it, and then hands it to me after I sign for it. Such a good day.

8. From luckismySKILL:

Sitting in class, prof pulls up WMP to play us a video on improper cell signalling. He pauses, with the mouse hovering over "Resume Previous Playlist" button and I think "Oh sh*t, what if it's porn? That'd be hilarious"

Turns out it was more than just porn, it was some intense analing with a (ridiculously huge) dildo. Lol'd hard.

9. From bebemaster:

Sitting at lunch with some change. I ask my friend "How many times, on average, do you think I would have to toss these coins for them to all land on heads?" I had about 7-8 coins. He starts getting into the math required and thinking out loud about it. I comment, "You know I bet it's just one." and toss the coins. They all end up heads. "Yep I was right it was only one."

10. From weirds:

I was talking with a group of friends outside an Expendables show in Santa Cruz. We were smoking cigs and making jokes when one of my buddies gets our attention and says, "Watch this, I'm going to pull this girl's shirt down, with my mind." He made a funny concentrating face and we all laughed and looked at a girl about 15 feet away from us on the porch. She was mid conversation with what looked like a good friend (who was male), and slowly but surely her loose top slid over, with each hand motion or exclamation her top inched over slightly.

After about a minute and a half her right nipple was fully exposed. We cheered and laughed and couldn't believe it. The guy who was talking to her noticed but was too embarrassed to say anything. She finally put it away when some chick from a nearby table made a comment about it so loud that she took notice. But she was standing there with her boob out for a few minutes. By the end of it, everyone on the porch was looking at it. She was a really hot girl with a great mid-sized rack, so I guess that happens a lot (people staring). I kinda felt bad because she got really embarrassed, but wow was it funny.

11. From Badhugs:

My friend and I were at Friday's, and he was being super rambunctious and obnoxious while eating his salad. For some reason, he thought it would be a good idea to poke a tomato w/ his fork, and then fling it at me as hard as he could. Drawing his fork up passed his shoulder, my friend seriously whipped this tomato across the table with all his might.

My first reaction was to sort of turn my head, anticipating the "THWACK!" sound the wet vegetable would make as it hit me. But that sound never came, there was no sudden thud, and no tomato hit me. I sat there, fork in hand, wondering WTF just happened.

Somehow, that giant hunk of tomato had zoomed across the table and stuck itself onto my fork in the exact same way it was on his. Had we been professional lacrosse players planning the perfect pass, we couldn't have executed it as flawlessly as it happened.

It was the most beautiful demonstration of Newtonian physics my then 17-year-old self had ever experienced.

12. From Petra-Arkanian:

In college, I was watching Eurotrip with my buddy. The Pope had been sick, and during the part where they make Vatican City think the Pope is dead, I turned to my friend and said, "Man, wouldn't it be weird if the Pope died while we were watching this?" His time of death was almost exactly then, I found out the next day.

TL;DR: I killed Pope John Paul II.

13. From notforeverlonely:

Went to college and worked at a grocery store in Bellingham, WA. My coworkers and I were talking in the break room before a shift and the subject of celebrities came up. We talked about how celebrities might be a-holes because they have to deal with sycophants constantly bothering them. Then someone brought up Ryan Stiles (who lives near Bellingham and is owner of the Upfront Theater) and how he never would shop at the store by the college campus (probably because he doesn't want to be hassled by college noobs).

After our conversation, we left to go to our checkstands and within a few minutes Ryan Stiles walks in. Unbelievable. Regular guy - wears blue jeans sneakers and casual shirt. Really nice too. I was hoping I would get to help him just to see if he would say something funny but my friend did instead.

14. From Sklanskers:

About 7 years ago I was still in high school and living with my mom, my brother, and my younger sister. My parents got a divorce about a year and a half before.. my dad kinda screwed us. My mom was unemployed (but going back to school with less than a year of schooling left - she was 48 at the time), we had no money, no food, no nothing.

We've always been a poor family growing up so it wasn't anything new, unfortunately, we couldn't live where we were living any more and had to move. This was the first move without my dad so it was kinda the toughest, i remember day after day how my mom would cry wondering how she would feed us, move the house, care for us, get money for bills, etc.

I remember asking her what we're going to do or how we'd pay for anything. She had no answer. She went to get the mail a day later (she always avoided the mailbox because of bills haha) and when she did she found a letter with a check in it for $6,000. She was employed at an insurance firm (where she met my dad) some 20 years earlier and as a perk for working there, you're given stock options.

My mom forgot about the stock options and they tracked her down 20 years later to give her the money, and single-handedly save us from being homeless. My mom made that 6grand go a long way, we happily moved to a cheaper home and everything is okay again.

15. From pepipopa:

We were at a poker table playing poker once and I was winning $100-150 from my mates. The dealer was next to me and he was like " Dude you are totally cheating!" He was joking of course. He was dealing the community cards and I was like next card is 3 of spades. Next card was 3 of spades. Best moment ever.

16. From butyourenice:

When I was a kid, every time I thought about a certain episode of the Simpsons, it was the one that would come on that evening.

I would imagine a scene or joke from the one where lisa gets braces, and it would come on.

I thought I was psychic, but I never could use my power for good.

17. From CongratsYouUsedAMeme:

Sometimes I pretend like I have a bazooka, this happens when I'm in the car with my girlfriend on our frequent and boring 4 hour trips to home/back to college.

Well, one time I shot my imaginary bazooka at a car in front of me. A second later, his tire BLOWS OUT and he swerves off to the shoulder, staring at me all the while. He was probably as confused as I was.

18. From HerrCo:

One night I was star-gazing while being outside for a smoke and saw a shooting star between two prominent landmarks. A few days later, I was outside again at the same spot and remembered that shooting star and thought how cool it would be if I see one again. A few seconds later a shooting star crossed that same spot.

Edit: Oh, and one time I predicted a "joke" on Two and a Half Men. Isn't that hard, though.

19. From footle:

Sat outside college with some friends when several police cars appeared very suddenly, surrounding a car in the middle of the road and forcing them to stop.

One of my friends said sarcastically, "watch, they'll get their machine guns out next."

Now, this is in the north of England. It's not all that often you see the police wield any sort of gun around here. But, sure enough, 6 or 7 officers arose from their vehicles with MP5s and pointed them straight at the car they had stopped. They dragged a man out of the car and put him in the back of one of the police cars, one of the officers got into the car they had stopped and they all drove away. The whole thing lated about 30 or 40 seconds and we were all sat about 10 feet away.

20. From nerdCaps:

I was at the game in 1998 that Kerry Wood struck out 20 batters. After he struck out the first hitter in the first inning, my friend looked at me and said, "Well, only 19 more to go." By the ninth inning, we had our entire section going insane as we counted down the last two strikeouts to 20.

As a believer in science and logic, I still have to admit that some things in life defy all explanation. Are ghosts real? Are there supernatural forces working beyond our control or understanding? Are we living in a simulation that suffers occasional glitches? I don't have answers. And maybe no one ever will. But the uncomfortable fact remains: sometimes really, really weird things happen that just can't be explained by science, logic, or common sense.

Someone asked Reddit: "What was the strangest moment in your life that you still can't explain up to this day?"

These 19 people share the strangest, unexplainable things that have ever happened to them. Goosebumps ahead.

1.) From vikkifar:

I was t-boned in an intersection. Not a very serious accident, mostly just shaken up. I was out of state at college at the time. Minutes after the accident, my cell phone rang and it was my dad. He said all the sudden he was consumed with an overwhelming urge to call me, and was everything ok?

I told him I was in an accident. He has passed away since but he and I always had a very strong connection. I wish he would call me now, but then I guess it would be the strangest moment.

2.) From Crowbar_Freeman:

I spent a night a bit drunk with some friends sketching and sharing new ideas for an art project we were working on. We talked a lot about using a fire extinguisher filled with paint for a background effect on huge canvas or a full room, but were wondering where we could get one for cheap and if it would work as we expected.

Around 5 am I leave my friends apartment to take the first subway home and I shit you not, two streets further on my way and in the middle of the sidewalk there is a f**king (empty) fire extinguisher. Took it home. It was such a strange coincidence, since i never stumbled upon an empty fire extinguisher in the street at any other point in my life. I was pretty sure I dreamt about it when I woke up later, but nope, it was still in the corner of my bedroom!

3.) From BatmanThicc:

This one time when I was little my dad woke me up at like 2am and he said "get ready, we're going to McDonalds". . . . I was soooo f**king confused and kept asking why, but he wouldn't answer anything besides, "because" or "to have fun", the rest of my family (2 brothers, sister, and mom) didn't come with and IIRC they were still asleep when we left.

The play place was closed, and we just kinda sat there for an hour or so eating, then went back home. To this day, I still have NO idea why he frantically needed me out of the house and he swears he doesn't remember that happening, but the whole thing was SO weird that I kept the toy that I got from the happy meal to remember it by, that I still have it to this day. . .

BECAUSE it's my only proof of this weird f**king night that my dad (almost scarily) hurried me to McDonalds at 2am.

I have 2 thoughts, my sister shit the bed and they were worried I'd make fun of her??? Maybe they somehow noticed like rats or something in my room??? But were worried I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew that there were rats and they needed an hour or so to get it out???

Either way, very strange night that my dad refuses to tell me the truth about, which only makes me think it's something much worse??? Like. I'm 23 now, if he said "yeah ur sister shit the bed and we didn't want you to know" I'd have been like cool cool cool nice good thinking lol, but he REFUSES to believe that it happened????????? WHAT HAPPENED

4.) From stephen1547:

I saw my doppelgänger while driving in a parking lot. We passed each other going super-slow, and made eye contact. We both started laughing, and then continued on. My wife was sitting in the passenger seat, and saw him as well. It was super weird, and really fun for whatever reason. We still talk about it 10 years later. I regret not stopping and finding the guy to take a photo together.

5.) From Nowforscd:

When I was 7 or 8, I used to spend Friday nights at my grandmas house. And she spoiled the crap out of me, so I loved it. One night, though, I suddenly had a strange urge to call my mom. I dialed my phone number - I mean I knew my own number right? A woman answered, and I suddenly blurted out “mom come and get me”. I have no idea why, to this day, that came out of my mouth. Like I said I loved it there, and up until that moment had no thoughts of being picked up. Anyways, the person on the other end starts to sound panicky and says,”where are you??!” It hits me that this isn’t my mom, so I just hang up, and go back to watching tv. So weird, and while it seems so minor it’s stuck with me for 30+ years.

6.) From BarracudaImpossible4:

I was at work several years ago, and a coworker (S) had a massive seizure. (He later told us he had never had one before.) Everyone started freaking out, and a man came over and gently held S down because he was in danger of slamming into a desk. When the seizure passed, the man stood up and said "Ambulance should be here soon, so my work is done" and left.

The weird thing? Nobody had ANY idea who that guy was. We were all so concerned about S that we didn't really register that the guy was a stranger until S was taken to the hospital. We were in a building that required a keycard to enter, and it was closed to the general public. There were only 12 of us in that office, and he wasn't one of us.

So who the hell WAS he?

7.) From peepersceeper77:

I had a dream once and within the next month, everything from that dream happened in real life. For example, in the dream my wife re-aranged our room wich is weird because she hates rearranging stuff and then the next week she arranged it exactly like dream. In the dream i also got promoted and then less than a week later i did in real life.

8.) From cloud9atlass:

After I totaled my car a man with burn scars all over his face and hands came to my window. He asked if I was ok and then came and sat in the passenger seat. He said “I need you to know that everything happens for a reason”. I said “I know”. The next thing I know I’m talking to the other driver and police and the guy is just gone. No one else saw him.

9.) From magikjaz:

I told work I had to go out of town for a week for a family member's (my grandmother's cousin in Texas) funeral. Completely fictitious. ... in reality I just wanted time off to hang out at the luxury home my friend was house sitting, hot tub, full bar, etc.

The day my "vacation" started, I got a call that my grandmother's cousin passed away and they were going out of town for the funeral and expected me to go with them.

10.) From DOOFISMISTER:

i was walking home one day and when i passed this one old dudes house and his dog was outside and when i walked passed i could have sworn the dog told me to get the f**k off the property in perfect English.

11.) From NeuralBreakDancing:

I was at a gas station and just finished buying something from inside. I came out and a burley man with a t shirt that had some sort of meat business on it came up to me asking if I was interested in purchasing bulk frozen meats. I was absolutely broke except for about 500$ on my credit card available. I didn't want to buy anything but my mouth blurted out yes as if my life depended on it. A few minutes later I went home with a months worth of vacuum sealed fish and chicken. I don't know what said yes but it wasn't me.

12.) From spicy_quicksand:

When I was in my teens, my dad relapsed into his drug and alcohol addiction again. It was the last straw for my mom and I, and we took off in the car at night to go for a drive and get out of the house. We were both angrier than we’d ever been.

As we drove down the street, each streetlight we passed popped and went dark, for at least three blocks. At the time it really felt like our anger was so destructive that it was affecting the world around us.

My mom and I still talk about that night and wonder wtf was going on with those lights.

13.) From FDRip:

Ok, this happened at my grandma's house. I was lying awake on the couch in the middle of the night, when this kaleidoscope of colors and lights appeared on the ceiling and began moving around the walls. I silently watched it until it disappeared and went to sleep. I shared the living room with my sister, and my grandma slept in a chair to keep us company. Since it was dark and I hadn't heard anything, I assumed I was the only one still awake to see it.

The next morning at the breakfast table, my grandma brought up the "light show" she had seen the night before and didn't seem to know what it was. She described what I'd seen perfectly.

After she left the table, my dad and aunt both seemed very concerned that she might be losing her mind. In my little kid brain, I thought if I told them I'd seen it too, they might think the same about me so I kept quiet about it.

If it hadn't been for the fact she'd seen it too, I would've chalked it up to a number of things. But I honestly don't know what to make of it.

14.) From ethan-bubblegum-tate:

Oh I still get reminded of this. I worked selling car stereos after college. Three early 20s sales guys, we used to compete and boast when we landed a deal. Usually we spouted rap lyric boasts at each other. I sold a system to a customer Monday and he came back Tuesday morning to get it. He picked up his ride, rolled out and I walked into the office chirping Biggie “gots paid, blow up like the World Trade!”

The first plane hit 4 minutes later

15.) From anxiousbish:

When I was very young, we were visiting my grandmother in another city. We slept in the same bed, in the basement. I woke up and saw a person, too dark to be recognizable, enter the room and come to our bed. They looked at us for a while and then left. The next morning, nobody had any idea what I was talking about. I guess it could have been sleep paralysis, but I didn’t wake up in a panic. I just watched it happen, frightened.

16.) From jaythenerdgirl:

I have this ring that my mom had given to me. It used to be my late grandmother's. It was too big for me to wear on my finger so I put it on a chain and wore it like a necklace.

I remember being in class and playing with it while doing my school work, and it was still around my neck the whole time. At the end of the day, when school had let out and everyone was heading home, I realized I didn't have it around my neck anymore.

I panicked and ran back to class and tried retracing my steps but never found it. I was really upset that I had lost this ring.

When I had gotten home and entered my bedroom, I saw the ring and chain placed neatly on the center of my pillow. It looked as if someone has placed it there.

17.) From bbalin54:

Staying at grandparents for the weekend theyre eating dinner in dining room im in living room (open concept house everyone sees eachother) Power is lost lighys are out dark as could be! Power comes back on in what seems like 1 second. Grandmother is asleep in her bedroom and my Grandfather was out in the Garage. It has f**ked with me my whole life 31 now i was about 5 or 6 at the time. Sadly both have passed by now. Only Matrix situation that messed up in my life so far!

18.) From mrnathanielbennett:

When i was 9 i was told to clean my room and we would go to the local video store to rent a video game for the weekend. I clean my room, my mom approves of the cleaning job, we go to the store and i get my game. Whole trip lasts 20 minutes tops. Get back and all my toys are spread out across the floor in neatly organized lines, very deliberate looking. No one else was in the house. Nothing missing. Just this strange toy issue. My guess is it was a friend of mine either f**king with me or looking for something of theirs but no one ever confessed.

19.) From khyberwolf:

My husband works with clients doing trauma healing type work, often via Skype / Zoom (even pre COVID). Years ago, he had a client session so went into the living room where he usually did his calls. I went into our bedroom and shut the door and was going to spend the hour working on my laptop.

About 20 minutes in, I suddenly got this weird skin crawling feeling out of nowhere and looked up from my laptop, only to “see” a man (kinda hologram fuzzy, like there but not there) walk into my room with what looked like a gunshot wound to his head.

Told my husband (wondering WTF was that I swear I saw). Ends up the woman he was working with had lost her husband 5 months prior. He was in the military and had returned from combat, had severe PTSD and eventually killed himself. And yes, by gunshot to the head.

It's been a wild Election Week in America, and the stress appears to have gotten to news producers on both sides of the aisle. If you haven't been following the second-by-second vote—or especially if you have—you can get the best summary of democracy in action from news chyrons.

Presented in chronological order.

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While most of us would probably like to think we're gloriously impressive gifted geniuses, even the smartest people among us have some laughably idiotic moments...

Whether it's a basic word you've been confidently using incorrectly for years, the time you decided to put your phone in the toaster because it fell in the pool, or a quick judgement call that completely blew up in your face, most of us have at least one moment of hilarious stupidity that our friends will never let us live down. Remember: not every dare has to be fulfilled, water is necessary when chugging tequila, and just because you want to comment something on Facebook doesn't mean you should.

So, when a Reddit user asked, "What is the stupidest sh*t you've ever done?" people were ready to share their hilariously shameful dumbest moments.

1.

Hit a golf ball onto a recently drained lake and decided it was playable from the "mud." On my third step onto the lake I sank up to my chest. Took a chain of three people to pull me out, and my God the smell. Should've taken the penalty - NadaOmelet

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Using my thumb to wipe the hair off my razor in the shower - u_i4k

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Saw on a tube of superglue that it said "bonds skin instantly". I was wondering what "instantly" meant exactly...was it in a few seconds or did they mean right then. So I glued my fingers together -- the thumb and first two fingers on my right hand.

And stayed that way for two hours until my mother came home because I didn't know that acetone will dissolve superglue.

....and, before you ask, I was 17. - elegant_pun

4.

Was baking bread and had a pyrex dish with water in the bottom of the oven for moisture. Checked the oven, water was gone, my dumba*s decides I need to pour more water in. A split second flash of what would happen goes through my brain but I do it anyway. Cool tap water + hot pyrex and BOOOOM! Sh*t explodes everywhere. I've been finding random bits of pyrex in my kitchen for years now - TwinkiWeinerSandwich

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When I was a kid, my parents were watching a show where they were finding gems/gold inside of rocks and I obviously wanted to find gold too, so I went outside and threw a giant rock on the ground and it ended up BOUNCING right into our glass sliding door. Shattered. - OrphanPounder

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Forgot my own phone number while leaving my client a voicemail. This was yesterday. - Hambushed

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Paid $500 for bartending lesson/certification and haven’t tended bar once in all my 29 years or even really tried. - cyainanotherlifebro

8.

I was 4 or 5 years old and my little brothers and I were jumping on our parents' water bed with Q-tips in our ears cause we thought it looked funny. I was jealous that my brothers both had Q-tips that were bent in silly shapes in their ears while mine were perfectly straight.

I jumped off the top of the headrest and landed ear-first on the bed in an attempt to bend my Q-tip more than theirs to assert dominance as the eldest brother.

Q-tip pierced through my eardrum and went all the way inside my ear.

Looking back I don't think I've ever heard of anyone doing anything stupider than that in my whole life. - mboutari

9.

We got drunk at some chicks house who I’d never met before. The place got pretty trashed so when she went to bring a friend home she asked if we’d clean up a bit. I’m still pretty lit at this point and see all these half full cups all over. The kitchen sink was full so the best idea I could come up with was vacuum out the liquid and dump the cups. It makes the funniest gurgling, slurping sound I’ve ever heard so I go about sucking up about 100oz of liquid into this vacuum. The chick comes home while I’m about 90% through all the glasses and stops dead. I turn around and look at the vacuum, which is one of those old ones with a fabric bag on it, and it’s a deluge of jungle juice pouring into the carpet. I turn back to her, completely deadpan as the concept of what’s happening is only now dawning on my alcohol soaked brain, and say “your vacuum cleaner’s drunk”. She promptly kicked us out and I never saw the poor girl again. - LuvliLeah13

10.

When I was a kid, I took my Nintendo apart so that I could use the parts to build a remote control airplane. - Presidentderka

11.

I called the cops on myself because I thought I saw a ghost.

Was working midnight shift at an old movie theater. After the last person left, I confused the shadow of my torso reflecting onto the empty movie screen for a disembodied ghost. I ran and told the manager, and because I had planted the "ghost" idea in his mind, he went in, saw his shadow and decided there was in fact a ghost, and called the cops.

A cop arrived, we told him what we thought we saw, he rolled his eyes at us and went into the theater. But we had planted the idea in his mind already too, and he came out with his hand on his gun and a bit pale in the face. He called more cops.

A second cop arrived, went into the theater, realized we had seen our own shadows, and came out laughing his a*s off at all 3 of us.

Manager and I were embarrassed, but omg that poor first cop. Eventually there were 10 cops there and some were laughing so hard at him, that they had to support themselves on the sides of their squad cars. Between bouts of laughter, one made a spooky ghost sound, and another mimed putting him in handcuffs as they both laughed even harder, and that made all the rest of them completely lose their shit laughing. - starstarstar42

12.

Lost my phone in my bedroom. To help locate it, I tried calling it using my phone. - NotTika

13.

When I was 4 I made a spider out of pipecleaners then got scared of it - SCSLAYZ

14.

Drunkenly sold my landlord’s lamps while living in her apartment. - soundtribekitty94

15.

I went to a coffee shop with my family and ordered and iced hot chocolate. My mom proclaims, “Uh that’s just chocolate milk.” As I’m about to argue the barista chimes in and says, “yeah that actually is just chocolate milk.” But I till ordered it anyways and drank my “iced hot chocolate” in shame because it is indeed just chocolate milk.- lunarsky20

16.

Tried to have a constructive conversation with someone with a differing opinion via social media. - SicTransitGloria03

17.

Got banned from 6-Flags for a year and paid a $300 fine for getting caught stealing a Milkyway Bar from one of the gift shops - MarlinsML

18.

a still-on-fire flaming shot. 2nd degree burns on my lips and chin was uh.. a learning experience - Hefeweizzard

19.

Drunkenly sold my landlord’s lamps while living in her apartment. - Anthro10

If you don't feel like doing any work today, join the club. Kill a little time until you can clock out by laughing at these hilariously relatable workplace memes. You've earned it.

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The customer is always right... and their jokes are always awful.

In addition to doing their jobs, servers, bartenders, cashiers, and other workers have to endure being the audience for customers who like to do bits. Many patrons will be disappointed to learn that they're not the only one who jokingly says "hated it!" when they hand back an empty plate, and that all the jokes have been told before.

Service industry workers shared the worst jokes they frequently hear from customers, and it's time to retire these from the repertoire.

1.

I work at a restaurant where it is required grate cheese onto your dish (lol euphemisms) if you're so inclined. It's common practice to be a doucher/douchebaguette and say, "Don't stop until your arm gets tired!" and things of that effect. Every table. Every time.

I will grate your face, motherf*cker, and THEN WILL I STOP WHEN MY ARM TIRES. -unclewalty

2.

My name is Summer. There are two: "What happened to Winter/Spring/Fall?" and "In the Winter/Spring/Fall do you change your name?"

HAHAHAHAHASHUTTHAF*CKUP -itzkoolaid

3.

When I was a waiter: "WORKIN' HARD OR HARDLY WORKIN'? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" -dorklogic

4.

'Hi, I'm (name), I'll be your waitress tonight.' 'Well, hi, I'm Joe and I'll be your customer for tonight.' Oh, the laughs that were had. ._. -babygblue

5.

"Do *you* come with the car?"-Rooke

6.

I used to serve and tend bar... Me: "Can I get you anything else? Them: "Yea a winning lotto ticket/$10,000,000, hahahah." Eventually I started using the stock line, "that better be some tip!" Then we all laughed and the customer felt like I gave two f*cks about them and wasn't just doing my job. -sisyphuscomplex

7.

I worked at Red Lobster. People always used to call up and ask if we had crabs. I always laughed even though people did it a lot. -Conchobair

8.

As a bakery assistant, I always get, "HOW DO YOU STAY SO SKINNY WORKING HERE? I'D BE BIG AS A HOUSE LOL"

I bite my tongue and smile and think to myself "LOL TOO BAD YOU ALREADY ARE." -flea_baguette

9.

I was a waitress in a Japanese restaurant for a while. I'm white.

"Well you don't look Japanese!"

Worse though, a half Korean girl I worked with got asked, " Now which kinda Asian are you?" -opplesandbononos

10.

I was a cashier and whenever something wouldn't scan people say "Haha, that means it free, right?" I know they're just being friendly but you would hear it all the time. -janearcade

11.

When the total is pretty much anything between 13 and 20 dollars with some change on the end, customers can't help but say "that was a good year!" I always fantasize about coming back with some horrible historic event from that year.

Me: Nineteen-forty-five.

Customer: That was a good year!

Me: You're obviously not Japanese. -deselby12

12.

When a customer hands over a crisp bill, usually a 20 or 100, and they joke about how it's freshly printed or that the ink is still wet. Never heard that one before! -Toastmaster_General

13.

Barista - Would you like sugar in that?
Customer - No Thanks, I'm sweet enough. -dizhef

14.

Former cashier, "Would you like a bag sir?" "Nah man I have one, I left her at home"

The redundancy was really what killed it. Seriously like 40% of the guys that came in alone would say the same goddamn thing. -jakebox

15.

Not exactly a bad joke, just a frequent occurrence. I used to work in fine dining, where busboys/servers carry "crumbers" with them, which are these little bent pieces of metal that are used to scrape crumbs off the table after a course is finished.

After admiring that we carry such tools, no less than 500 times have I heard customers say "looks like you might need to pull out the vacuum for this job, HAHAH". I always laughed in response, but died a little inside each time. -​​​​​​rubes6

16.

Cleaning 40% of customers empty plates, wiped clean by bread.

customer - "Can I get that wrapped up to go? har har har"

me - unamused -nicfunkadelic

17.

Waiter at a place that serves oversized, family-style portions;

"That looks great, but what is everyone ELSE going to eat?! am I right?"

-Every damn table on every damn day.

18.

Me: "We have a focus on all natural and organic ingredients." Cool Dad: "Can I have an organic Diet Coke BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." -chickenfriedcomedy

19.

I was a bartender at golf course and a guy told me he wanted to test how smart I was.

Then he asked me for an H2O to go. -smackurfaceoffurface

20.

Restaurant cashier:

Me: Hi, are you getting something to-go? Alright, do you know what you'd like?

Brilliant person: A million dollars would be nice. -jerisad

21.

When I was a barista, I got a pretty good one actually, mostly from middle aged white men; "I like my coffee like I like my women; large, black, and full-bodied! Don't tell my wife I said that..." or something similar. -Yellowblack

Usually when people meet a celebrity it's a brief but memorable, pleasant exchange...

Having a story where a famous person wanted to start a fight with you, or where you had to chastise a celebrity in public are pretty rare to have outside of anyone's NDA. People often forget that musicians and actors are human beings with flaws like anyone else despite their work, and everyone (even Oprah probably) has some bad days. Still, a famous person having a meltdown at a restaurant because their waiter (you) carded them when they "very clearly" just turned 21 is definitely a memory for the books.

So, when a Reddit user asked, "Anyone ever have a confrontation with a celebrity?" people were ready to share their awkward and uncomfortable interactions with a famous person.

1.

Back in 05 or 06 when I was working for my college's event planning board, Dane Cook came to the campus for a huge comedy show and to film an episode of his HBO comedy show, Tourgasm. My job for the day was to be a runner, meaning I'd drive people wherever they needed to go. Usually that meant picking up lunches and buying guitar picks, but for the Tourgasm crew, it meant driving them up to lunch in Baltimore. I was actually pretty pumped, because (at the time) I was a fan, and (more importantly) the restaurant is pretty well known for serving delicious Maryland crabs. Dane's agent was a local and really wanted to go to this place, and Dane had been throwing a tantrum about it all morning--why couldn't we just get somethign close? What's so great about Maryland crabs? Waah waah waah.

We're in the car, and he starts up again, this time, laying in to me. First, he criticized my driving (it was a huge 13 passenger van; cut me some slack), saying I was going too fast after complaining about how long the trip was taking. Then he asks me, how much longer until we get there. There was a little traffic, so I figured I'd exaggerate a bit and hopefully we'd get there sooner. I told him it'd be another 15-20 minutes, and he starts complaining again. Finally I snap and say something like, 'you're the ones who wanted to go here. We'll get there when we get there.' They ended up airing that bit in the episode, and I haven't laughed at a Dane Cook joke since. - eenbotdestroyer

2.

My parents were at Costco buying groceries in LA when they saw Tim Curry in the checkout line. They were quietly trying to see what he was buying (to tell stories about it later,) so my dad casually walks by his cart, pretending to put back some cashews or something. He got a look in his cart, and all Tim Curry had in the cart were about a dozen boxes of frozen crab cakes. Just crab cakes, nothing else. My dad turns back around to report back to my mom, and happens to get a look at him. Tim Curry was just staring my dad down, not saying anything, just looking at him because he knew what my dad was doing and he was not in the mood. So my dad, in a panic, says loudly "I love shelfish" then awkwardly walks back to my mom at the cart. Says nothing else until they leave the store. - Brownie_scout

3.

My mom was organizing a book signing for Bill Cosby and she messed up the scheduling so the fans arrived 30 minutes early. Cosby flipped out and started pointing at my mom saying, "THIS woman right here, she messed everything up! Blame her for your problems!" - WorthItInTheEnd

4.

Have you ever opened a door at the exact moment someone else was about to do the same thing on the other side and bashed their head in? My mom did this to Leonard Nimoy. - rebelcupcake

5.

My aunt, who has never watched a game of basketball, met shaq in an elevator when he was at the peak of his career. Her son is one of the biggest lakers fans and she kind of recognized his face. This was their conversation:

Aunt: Aren't you famous?

Shaq: Haha you could say that.

Aunt: Can I get your autograph?

Shaq: If you can guess my name.

She never got that autograph. - Eritrean_Redditor

6.

A couple years ago I was working at a Blockbuster in Santa Monica. A customer called to check and see if we had Howl's Moving Castle. We had it so I asked him for his last name so I could put it on hold. He said Cheadle. I didn't understand so I said cheetah. He said Cheadle again. Repeat. I ended up writing down cheetah on a piece of paper and putting it in the drawer anyway. An hour later in comes Don Cheadle who I thought was a cheetah. - alphaspencerniner

7.

I was in Las Vegas with my family waiting to walk across Tropicana Blvd when my step-mother became impatient and just jaywalked amidst afternoon traffic. A Rolls-Royce came screeching to a halt, and inside was a smiling Wayne Newton who waived us to cross and insisted on waiting. - [deleted]

8.

I was waiting tables at a nice restaurant when Pauley Shore came in and sat in my section with his entourage. I waited on him and at one point I had spilled some mustard on the table and Pauley said, "Duuude. You spilled the muuuuustard!" And yes, he was stoned off his gourd. - drew1111

9.

My roommate had gone to a Weird Al concert one night. I shot him a text asking him to grab our mail on his way back because I had f*cked up my foot in a motorcycle accident the previous day and couldn't walk. About 30 seconds later I got a text back saying "Dear Nick, pick up your own damn mail. Love, Weird Al" I chalked it up as a joke at the time but when my roommate got back he told me that while getting a picture with Weird Al my text popped up and instead of taking the picture together Al grabs his phone and sends me the text. Apparently he then walked off without even taking the picture together. - spraj

10.

Hulk Hogan cut my friend in line at a barber shop - GiantBoyDetective

11.

Not me but a friend of mine....

He was out with his girlfriend for lunch at a very fancy hotel in Dublin, Ireland and Colin Farrell happened to be there too. This was back at the height of his fame. So my mate sauntered over to him and said something like 'Hey Colin, any chance of a photo?'. Colin Farrell being the cool dude he was then was like 'yeh, course man, no bother' and started fixing his hair etc. At that point, my mate hands HIM the camera and poses with his girlfriend.

In fairness to Colin Farrell, he didn't know what to do at first but he did actually take the photo and they still have it to this day. The photo that Colin Farrell took of him and his now wife. I love that story. - [deleted]

12.

John Williams almost ran me over with a car when I was crossing the road to go to a Boston Pops concert he was conducting. - thyyoungclub

13.

I was at an Obama rally back in August of 2007. We were at Florida A&M, in a smallish gym. We had shaken Obama's hand and talked to him a bit, and ended up following him back behind the barricade, talking to him. He ended up hugging us and all this stuff, but security was not too keen on it so they asked us to move.

Obama climbs up on the bleachers to take a picture with the band. Security ends up pushing me to move on the other side of the barricade (not hard, but it was crowded), and I fell forward.

I reached up to grab the first thing to stop my fall.

It was Barack Obama's a*s cheek.

He laughed.- [deleted]

14.

One of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

I met Emeril Lagasse. I saw him at a shopping mall for some kind of promotional thing he was doing there. I passed by and was looking at him and I ran straight into this big camera. It fell over and everybody just stared at me. Emeril came over and was really pissed, he was all red in the face and asked me why I ran into the camera. Nobody around seemed to notice he was being a huge douche. I told him it was an accident but he just told me to get out of there before I caused anymore trouble. Easily the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. When I see him on TV it makes me cringe and I have to change the channel. - Habeas

15.

I was working in the art department on a music video at Pete's bar in LA a few weeks ago for his crappy new band. He decided it would be a great idea to get wasted on set. Near the end of the 18 hour day, I started cleaning up. I was minding my own business and scooping gumballs and broken glass from the stagnant bar sink water.Yes, gumballs. Bubblegum was the theme of the video and he poured a 3 pound bag of gumballs on the singer when I had instructed him to throw one handful at her and one at the audience. Pete stumbled over, looked at me, looked at the sink, looked at my gloved hands, and said "This beer isn't f*ckin cold enough." He proceeded to pour an entire pint of corona on my hands and arms (I was in such shock I didn't think to move them immediately). I looked a him incredulously. He shrugged and walked away. - robyntastic

16.

I grew up in NYC and when I was ~7 Rudy Giulliani knocked me over in Tower Records. Didn't even break his stride. - [deleted]

17.

George R R Martin sat next to me on a plane to Seattle a few months back, right after the latest book came out. I'm a pretty big fan so we ended up talking a lot of the flight about random things, including football (he's a Jets fan and I'm a Chargers fan, there's a bit of a rivalry). He talked a little about the new book and I asked him politely to not kill my favorite character. I had him sign my iPad and it wasn't until later that I realized he signed "GO JETS!" on it :( - kpflynn

18.

I was at a Hibachi restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were five of us in total but the tables seated seven. They were packed that night so they told us they would be filling our table. Before long, who should come over and sit with us but Gene Wilder and his wife. At the time my friend and I were young and hadn't seen him in anything other than Willy Wonka, so when the food came we asked him if the snozberries tasted like snozberries. Luckily he didn't miss a beat and replied with "we are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams" - HurghtAttack

There are nearly infinite things going on in the world that cause immense pain, and cause people to feel rightfully hurt and offended. Everywhere you look, the air is practically dripping with inequities and it can feel endless to track all the ways we harm each other (both intentionally and unintentionally).

And yet, with all of the valid complaints in the world, there are still people who pour their energy towards getting offended over the pettiest grievances, and it can be equal parts hilarious and frustrating.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the silliest reason they've seen someone get offended, and there are truly no limits.

1. From Doombuggyman:

When I worked at Walt Disney World, we had buttons that we would give out to guests who were celebrating a special day or event in the parks - things like First Visits, Anniversaries, Birthdays, Honeymoons, and so on. The purpose of the buttons was to give the employees (Cast Members in Disneyspeak) an opening to engage the guests; if you saw a couple with anniversary buttons, for example, you could wish them a happy anniversary.

Well, one of our greeters saw a little boy and his father walking towards an attraction, and noticed the boy was wearing a button that said "Happy Birthday!" and had his name written underneath it. So she smiled, and said, "Happy Birthday, Bobby!"

The father proceeded to get up in her face, screaming "How DARE you talk to my child! You have NO REASON to talk to him! If you have ANYTHING to say to him, you GO THROUGH ME!" Reduced her to tears.

I really felt sorry for that kid.

2. From Sweet_D_:

I used to work in an Outback Steakhouse in suburb of Atlanta. A couple came in and was seated in a booth. Before their server could even take their drink order, I noticed them angrily walking to the door. I asked if something was wrong and they replied "We refuse to eat in a restaurant with a rebel flag on the wall!"

It was an Australian flag.

3. From maximsbymax:

One time someone got offended when I put on my seatbelt, thought I was commenting on her ability to drive.

4. From Aromadegym:

My downhill neighbors took down the fence separating our yards because they said our yard was so beautiful. Then they complained that we were spying on them from our deck. Then we built a fence separating the yards again so we both had our privacy. Then they built a raised deck to see over the fence to our yard and complained again that we were spying on them.

5. From QC_knight1824:

I saw a girl go on a Facebook rant one time condemning a cookie delivery company because they gave her an extra cookie and wrote a note saying "figured you would appreciate an extra cookie ☺".

She went on talking about how she had body issues and this guy/company should send her a written apology because of how they were calling her fat or something.

The best part is the company responded and offered her a free box of 6 of her favorite cookies. She accepted.

6. From ImperialCapybara:

I worked in a store that sells miniature historical figures. Our window display was a large recreation of the battle of Waterloo, maybe six feet by three. We had a woman come in one day and scream at the top of her lungs because one of the figures was holding a tiny Union Jack. So in short, a woman was offended by our tiny historically accurate flag of the United Kingdom.

7. From CleverReferences:

Friends with an allergy mom on Facebook. She takes it as a personal insult if you mention liking or consuming peanut products. I live across the country from her, but my peanut butter and jelly sandwich could kill her son, so I shouldn't eat it. I bought the Reese's candy variety pack to hand out on Halloween. It's worth noting that I also had non-food items and was participating in the Teal Pumpkin Project. But the fact that I was handing out candy with peanut butter in it was an attack on her and her child.

8. From Z_Laurent:

I work as customer service in a retail store. We had a single long line on the right side of the desk (has three registers in it for returns). A woman who just came in went to the left side and straight to one of the registers. When told that she needs to get into line, she becomes furious and started screaming, asking why she has to fall in line. "YES, I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!", she shouted when she saw a coworker roll her eyes.

It was causing a scene so a manager took over and we all looked apologeticly at the other people in line.

9. From thatJainaGirl:

I could fill this whole thread with my mother, but here are two examples from recent memory:

She cooks potatoes for dinner. I put salt on them. She screams for two hours about how rude I am to insinuate her cooking isn't good enough.

I'm using the single-cup coffee maker at my cousin's house. My cousin makes an off hand remark about how she needs to replace the filter, because it's overdue. I laugh and say that we have to do the same, and we forget about the filter often. Cue mother screaming about how I "embarrassed" her in front of her family.

10. From Back2Bach:

I was in line at a donut shop where the woman ahead of me got sorely offended with the guy in front of her because he took the last cinnamon doughnut in the display case - the very one she had her eyes fixed on for breakfast.

She actually asked if he'd let her have it in exchange for 2 others she would buy of a different variety. When he said no, she just stormed out of the shop, glaring at him.

11. From loki93009:

Once when I was working as a barista this older guy got really upset that I was wearing a ring on my left ring finger cause I "wasn't married" I looked at him ranting and me and said "well I am married soooo."

12. From know_limits:

A few of us were having a friendly chat with a neighbor. The topic of Tom Brady and Giselle came up and the neighbor says "she's only with him for his money". We point out that she makes considerably more than he does. The neighbor flips out and says we are all ganging up on her and storms off.

13. From Mexagon:

Received a complaint from an "anonymous" co-worker (let's be honest, we all know who it is in every workplace) that I had used the outdated and racist term of "collared greens" to describe what my grandma made for thanksgiving. Apparently, I was saying that because its popular with "colored people" in the south, never mind it's because they come from the collard family of cabbages. So I was forced to apologize and call it spinach, which it is f*cking not. Goddamn you Lois for making me spread misinformation.

14. From smherring771:

I work at a casino and a woman came up to the security guest yelling about how she was being discriminated against for having pink hair (it's a Hard Rock casino, we don't care about your hair) because people kept stopping her asking to see her I.D. and she had to be escorted out every time because she doesn't have any of the 5 valid forms that we take. It's the law to have your ID on you when you enter the casino. There's a sign at every entrance and exit. Stop being stupid.

15. From cretinchick:

Told her that her kids would be seated at the kids table, and she freaked out that they were family members of the groom and shouldn't be shunned. So we immediately said we'd change the seating plan so they could sit with her, to which she got even MORE offended because she didn't want to spend the reception with a bunch of children and demanded she be with adults only.

16. From goblinish:

I worked with a guy that got offended I parked in a handicap spot (that I was legally allowed to use). I spend most of my time in a wheelchair. Though a few years ago even when I first started needing my chair I was able to walk short distances fine, but anything that was beyond a certain point I was in danger of falling because I couldn't' support myself that long. So I could drive to work ok, I could get out of my car an pull out my chair and get in. I could even leave my chair in my office to go to the bathroom about 10 feet away.

SO this guy started working for the same company and things are going fine. I don't know if he didn't notice me in my wheelchair at my desk instead of a normal office chair or if he just hadn't seen me make one of my many trips down the hall to my boss in my chair or what. He didn't work in my department so I didn't really pay much attention.

He was leaving one day at the same time I was and saw me stand out of my chair to put it in my car. He started screaming at me about how I was taking advantage of both the company, the parking space, and everyone who is "really disabled". I mean 5 minutes of a tirade while I am holding on to may car for dear life because he is preventing me from putting my folded chair into my trunk.

I got a whole spiel about how his mom can't walk and every time she goes to park in a handicap spot some asshole like me is parked there and how dare I take away parking spots from people who really can't get around.

A coworker came out heard the yelling and called for security. Needless to say after a 10 minute meeting with my boss, his boss, their boss and HR he was fired.

Seriously the guy got angry and offended because my disability seemed fake to him because I could stand up for moments at a time. Every now and then I think I should have sent him my medical bills to prove how real my condition is but I was shocked silent at the time and trying not to fall.

17. From A_OBenson:

My girlfriend's mom gets offended if you try to disagree with her in front of other people. She will pull you aside later and try to get you to apologize for embarrassing her so badly.

18. From Homerpaintbucket:

My sister was freaking out about Ebola. I told her that the CDC is packed with highly trained people who have determined we don't have to worry. She said she'd read some articles online and that they were wrong. I told her it took more than reading a few articles to become an epidemiologist. She flipped the f*ck out and told me my opinion didn't count because I haven't graduated college yet.

19. From inside_your_face:

My girlfriend wouldn't speak to me for 12 hours because I said her cat impression wasn't convincing.

20. From i-like-my-anonymity:

I was on a ferry with my very cute lapdog. A woman approached me and asked to pet my dog. I told her No, that the dog would bite her if she tried. She reached out to pet the dog anyway and the dog snapped at her (didn't actually bite but made it clear not to come any closer). She got mad because "all dogs love me"

This actually happened twice with two separate women in the same ferry ride.

Whether you're a Democrat, Republican, or too drunk to remember the difference, one thing all Americans can agree on is that this has been the longest week in the history of weeks as we wait, and wait, and wait some more to find out who won the Presidential election. We're nearing the end of Friday, and still don't have an official winner, although Biden seems to be in the lead. Will we ever know? Or are we doomed to relive this election cycle, Groundhog Day-style, for all of eternity?

As we await the official announcement that feels like it may never come, please enjoy these 26 tweets from people who've managed to maintain their sense of humor throughout this excruciating week of pain:

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