Article 17
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Woman confronts dudes who sent her pervy Tinder messages. In person. On camera.
Usually when a woman gets an unsolicited sexual message on Tinder, they screen shot it send it to their girlfriends so they can all go "ewww!" at it and commiserate about how gross people can be. Actress and comedian Jessie Kahnweiler is not one of those women, however. Instead, she bravely invited her pervy suitors to meet up with her in real life, and no, not for a booty call. Luckily for us, she captured all of the uncomfortableness on tape for a video she calls "Perv Catchers."
Once confronted, these blurry-faced dudes seemed to be more or less normal guys who just were seriously misinformed and somehow thought that all women wanted to be told about their penises over the Internet. When Kahnweiler questioned why these guys would say these explicit things to her, they gave answers such as "I was just trying to be funny," or "It's a compliment," or the most perplexing of all, "That's what y'all looking for is pervs!" Maybe after being ambushed into having to explain themselves, these guys will be more discrete from now on.
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Mama goose leads a police officer to help her baby, ironically trapped in a Mother's Day balloon.
Cincinnati police sergeant James Givens was hanging out in his police car doing his police job when someone started knocking on his door: a relentless goose, he told WLWT. Givens somehow intuited that the goose needed some help and wasn't simply taking out her frustration with the police.
Givens got out and followed the goose, only to find a little baby gosling almost as cute as Ryan. The gosling had a balloon stuck around his body, threatening his life. “It says that we are supposed to protect and serve. I guess that includes wildlife besides people,” Givens said.
Being rightfully wary of the geese species, Givens called in his partner Cecilia Charron, a pet owner and animal person. With her feminine touch, Charron was able to free the baby goose.
Witness Charron save the life of the baby goose.
After the rescue, Charron realized the balloon was from Mother's Day. "Mom You're the Best," reads the goose-killing machine.
Mom does know best—at least this momma goose, who tracked down a human, and not whichever mom let her balloon nearly take the life of a little gosling.
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Your funniest reactions to our International Nurses Day cards.
Happy International Nurses Day! This important holiday celebrates the brave men and women who keep us healthy and deal with our disgusting bodies every day. In honor of their hard work and sacrifice, we here at Someecards posted some special cards for nurses. Here are the most hilarious reactions our readers had to them:
Our first card was a double whammy for nurses and 'Game of Thrones' fans.
1. Logan Westerberg
2. Linda McAllister Moffat
3. Madonna Valentine
4. Christopher Payne
Our second card spoke to anyone who ever walked in on their parent in the bathroom.
1. Michelle Chairez, Susan Wallace Smith, and Jessica Saxy.
2. Dianne Dansman
3. Gina McKinney Mollica.
As always, thanks for commenting and sharing! And thanks especially to all the nurses, CNAs, and other medical professionals, for commenting and sharing.
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Little girl's spelling error makes an innocent story about bike safety very, very dirty.
Redditor Mark_W has a friend with a seven-year-old daughter who recently undertook the task of writing about bike safety. As a seven-year-old, this child doesn't yet have a great grasp on spelling—nor will she anytime soon, given the general dependency on spell check everyone has these days. It's certainly in her best interest, though, to learn how to spell "bike." At some point in the near future, her texts will get very confusing if she doesn't nail that one down. This is why:
In case you can't quite decipher the child's handwriting, this is what the kid wrote out:
I am safe hwen I am on my dicke and I have to hwer a dick helmint and nee Pads so I will de safe.
Oh goodness, out of all kids, she has to be the only one out there who wears knee pads when biking. Don't worry, one day she'll grow out of wearing knee pads and misusing "d" for "b."
Tying her for accidental vulgarity is this little girl, who was indignant at the idea of having to choose between Santa and her mom.
Actually, that kid seems to have a handle on what she's saying.
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This fabulous cat leaves its soul on the living room dance floor with a true feline grace.
Redditor mike_pants has a cat that dances throughout their living room with perfect form and the grace of an Olympic figure skater. The cat, whose name has yet to be revealed but is probably Fred Astaire Jr., bares its soul to the world in every twist, leap, and quatriéme devant. It is currently, and rightfully, taking the Internet by storm.
Croisé!
La quatriéme derriere!
Effacé!
Ecarté!
*GASP*
*Drops opera binoculars, stunned, mouth agape*
The 5th arabesque...perfected.
*Rapturous applause*
Phenomenal.
Mike_pants also conveniently combined these images into one valiant gif of this cat's fearless commitment to humanoid choreography. The user originally suggested pairing this gif with Skrillex's "Bangarang," and though one might think Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" to be the only appropriate fit for this feline's masterful whirling and pirouetting, dub-step works just as well, if not better.
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After his hockey team loses, sports anchor drinks on air and informs kids that dreams a lie.
After the Washington Capitals lost to the Pittsburgh Penguins in overtime Tuesday, Comcast SportsNet's Michael Jenkins decided to have a very somber, but not sober, broadcast. As it happens, Jenkins is a big fan of both the Capitals and of washing away pain with booze. He opened up his segment by asking "You guys hear about the Caps? No?"
It then turned into what will surely become a legendary TV news segment, as evidenced by the muffled off-screen giggles you can hear from the production crew on set:
I got a message for all you kids out there. I know everyone says you can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it. It's all one big lie...so give up on your dreams.
The production crew was not quiet at the end, as you could quite clearly hear them yelling "CHUG!" as he poured his drink down the front of his shirt.
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Azealia Banks got suspended from Twitter, and people are so happy they're throwing a hashtag party.
Twitter has suspendedAzealia Banks' account after the singer went on racist and homophobic rants against Zayn Malik, Disney channel's Skai Jackson, and pretty much anyone who dared challenge her in the last few days. She's had quite a history of Twitter feuds, and people are so thrilled about her being blocked from using the site that they're throwing a party—the #AzealiaGotSuspendedParty.
People are seriously so thrilled about her suspension. She has a way of really, really pissing people off.
Some tweeters are hailing Skai Jackson as their hero for helping make it happen.
Enjoy the party while it lasts, folks. You know she'll be back, some day, some way.
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Jennifer Lawrence humiliating herself in front of Harrison Ford officially makes her relatable.
Jennifer Lawrence is known for being "relatable," even though she has an Oscar, a perfect body and face, and a contract with Dior. But one thing that certainly does make the Oscar-winning goddess relatable is the fact that she embarrassed herself in front of Harrison Ford (and probably his earring, too).
J.Law told BBC's Graham Norton about the time she was out with comedian Jack Whitehall and saw Han Motherf*cking Solo eating with J.J. "Also Awesome" Abrams.
"I probably humiliated myself more than ever before," Lawrence says, "I never assume anyone knows who I am, but when I spotted Harrison Ford and J.J. Abrams I was like, 'It'll be fine, we're all co-workers, right?'"
It was not fine:
So I went up to them and started dancing like an idiot and the whole table just went quiet and stared at me. I realized while I am dancing that they had absolutely no idea who I was so I just turned around and walked back to Jack dying of embarrassment.
While Indiana Jones did not recognize Katniss Everdeen, he did know Jack Whitehall.
"The funny thing was I had just done this show with Harrison and he is the only A-list Hollywood star I'd met," Whitehall said, "Jen had just been blanked and I was like, 'Hey, it's all right, I'll go and say hi to Harrison.' And literally as I walked over he stood up and shouted, 'Hey, Jack!' It was so funny. It was probably the best night of my life and Jen's worst!"
Move along. These aren't the celebrities you're looking for.
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Husband makes cardinal mistake of criticizing how his wife cleans her vagina, pays dearly.
Posting under what is certainly a throwaway account to avoid recognition if he ends up choosing witness protection, Reddit user Throwthricethree shared a tale in the infamous subreddit "Today I Fucked Up." His post's title, of course, says it all.
"TIFU by telling my wife that I'm grossed out by her after-shower habit."
In a close reading of the text, you'll notice that this is not the first time Throwthricethree has mentioned his peculiar mental hang-up to his wife. The first time, she assured him the hygienic practice did not hurt.
That could have been the end. He could have accepted that. He could have moved on with his life, could have looked away or chosen to take up a hobby—like watching TV, Downton Abbey is particularly engaging—whenever his wife came out of the shower.
Instead, he let the thought fester. Even tried to justify it with some sort of disgusting smegma analogy. Until at long last his dark misgivings bubbled to the top of his subconscious and he convinced himself it would be OK to let them loose. It was not OK. The response in the comments summed up as much, primarily centering on the idea that, "If you don't know where you fucked up, you're pretty dumb."
Someecards has reached out for comment and to find out how and if the situation was resolved, but hasn't heard anything yet. Hopefully, Throwthricethree will manage to clean up the situation in a way his wife doesn't find physically repugnant.
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Article 7
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The only person who looks better than Beyoncé in her butterfly jean jacket is Blue Ivy.
You cannot pull off a canary yellow frilly dress like Beyoncé, you cannot wear a plastic dress like Beyoncé, and you cannot even wear a jean jacket like Beyoncé can. But there is another person who can, and she's currently four years old. That's right: Blue Ivy Carter, Bey's beautiful daughter with her husband Jay Z.
Both mother and daughter are wearing custom Gucci; a more standard version of the jacket for a little girl in your life costs $860. Bummer, but trust, the money is not the only thing keeping you from looking like Beyonce and Blue.
Still, if you want to dress your children in expensive designer outfits that they'll tear and then grow out of, this Gucci jacket is a relative bargain at $255. At that price you can buy one for every child you know!
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Beyoncé's mom confirms 'Lemonade' is about cheating, proving she's seen 'Lemonade.'
Weeks after the hunt for the true identity of "Becky with the good hair" began, Beyoncé's mother, Tina Knowles-Lawson, has stepped forward to confirm that her daughter's new video album Lemonadeis about adultery, which everyone, especially Jay Z, already knew. In an interview with ABC 13 News, mother Knowles explains her hypothesis that beyond cheating, it may also be about redemption.
Here's a transcript of Tina's take on Lemonade:
People make it all about the cheating and betrayal and, yes, that's a part of it because that is something you have to heal from.
If you really listen to the poetry it is one of hope and redemption and hopefully that can be healing for people.
It could be about anyone's marriage. I think that everybody at one time or another has been betrayed and lied to and it's about the pain--and it's about the healing process--and it's about how do you get past that and move on.
Knowles-Lawson dealt with infidelity with Beyoncé and Solange's father, Matthew Knowles:
I remember my first little pity party and I called them crying and you know, they all came. We had a slumber party, we watched old movies all night and ate ice cream--it was very healing...
...My children are my rock...[they've] just been the best gift god could have given me.
Well, folks, there you have it. After a long, arduous investigation, Ms. Knowles-Lawson has closed this case: Lemonade is about cheating.
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Mom calls out a company for making padded bras for kindergarteners.
Kids these days grow up fast, but come on, not this fast. Some San Diego mothers are outraged at department stores for carrying padded bras in the children's section, right along side light-up shoes and T-shirts with Frozen characters on them. NBC 7 San Diego covered the story after seeing an angry mother post about the tiny bras on Facebook. The bras, made by Maidenform, look more like something you could buy at a Victoria's Secret (or more like PINK by Victoria's Secret) but are aimed for children sizes 4-6x.
Amy Yates, a mother of two young girls, worries that the padded bras will send the wrong message to her twins (twins meaning daughters, not her boobs). She told NBC 7 San Diego:
That's sexualizing children way too early. My girls are very interested in things like origami and Pokémon at their age, they're nine. They' don't need to go to the store and see bras that are lacy and sexy and marketed toward them because they're going to think gee is this what I'm supposed to be into right now?
Other mothers, like OB-GYN Dr. Lisa Johnston, can see the benefit of a lightly padded bra for young girls who start going through puberty early. She tells NBC 7:
So, we definitely see it on the medical front that girls are going through puberty at a younger age. I think when kids are going through puberty they're often very insecure and being proud of their body doesn't mean showing off their body. Trying to support your daughters and being comfortable in their own skin is an important thing and a lot of girls at that age probably do want to have a little bit of coverage and there's nothing wrong with that
Maidenform, which is really just one of the many companies that carry padded bras for young girls, released this statement amidst the controversy:
The Maidenform bras developed for girls are not meant to 'enhance' a girl's figure. The 'padding' is thin stretch foam and is designed to provide modesty over figure enhancement
The well-placed quotation marks show that the company really has no time for these shenanigans.
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Azealia Banks fought with Disney Channel star Skai Jackson on Twitter. The teenager won.
Shortly before Azealia Banks got suspended from Twitter after calling pop star Zayn Malik racist and homophobic slurs, the controversial rapper got in a feud with another celebrity—14-year-old Skai Jackson, a star on the Disney Channel show Jessie. Again: Azealia Banks, age 24, got in a fight with a 14-year-old girl. And the 14-year-old girl kicked her butt. It all started when Jackson reasonably noticed that Banks had been a bit... vocal on Twitter.
Banks couldn't help but respond, even though she has a job and presumably, like, other stuff to do besides get in fights on Twitter (right???).
Jackson's mother Kiya Cole even stepped in to respond on Instagram:
All this and Jackson got the last laugh, because Banks is now suspended from Twitter. Generation Y should just give up and accept that Generation Z is going to kick their asses.
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Well, this video of a 20-story tall rollercoaster with a 90-degree drop is certainly terrifying.
Cedar Point, the "amusement" park in Ohio, has made the world's tallest, fastest, and steepest dive roller coaster, Valravn. "Amusement" is in quotes there because if a ride is this scary, can it actually be amusing anymore? Either way, this video of the 20-story tall, 75 mph ride is made even creepier by the fact that it was filmed on an overcast day, as if to say "Ye who ride this rollercoaster, repent!"
If this seems familiar, that's because Cedar Point released a CGI version of the coaster video last year. But CGI's not really scary; if it was, The Mummy Returns would have looked terrifying and not like The Rock asked his 15-year-old nephew who was getting into computers to make a fun video of him.
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Celebrate you.
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Brandy, Roz Ryan, and Jenifer Lewis have made the only motivational song you'll ever need.
Brandy, the noted 1990s haver of a boy, hung out on Friday with fellow actresses and singers Roz Ryan and Jenifer Lewis. They appeared to have an adorable, group-hug filled time:
But more important than this friendship is the song that this friendship made, "In These Streets." Its swear-filled melody is the only thing you need to listen to before leaving the house in the morning, quitting your job, getting married...pretty much anything, really.
As for the song's inspiration, Brandy wrote on Instagram: "#AboutLastNight That moment when I teach #MommaRoz (@rlunaryan ) and #AuntieJenifer (@jeniferlewis4real ) the phrase#InTheseStreets and they wanna make up a song about it..."
Please, Brandy. Teach them more phrases. Make more songs.
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Workplace
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Ryan Gosling teased everyone with a sort-of photo of his new baby daughter on 'Ellen.'
Now that the world knows about the second Mendes-Gosling baby, Amada Lee, who was born secretly last month without the couple notifying the media immediately (rude), they're clamoring for a picture. And surprisingly, since the public hasn't even seen photographic evidence of the couple's first baby, Ryan "You'll Never Have Me" Gosling was happy to show everyone a photo of the new baby when he was a guest on Ellen on Friday.
Well, a baby. Some baby. With Ellen's head photoshopped over it. Still, behold! Possible Gosling offspring. Maybe.
Gosling also talks about his past fantasy of being a graffiti artist and how being a dad has finally given him a chance to be in a "proper tagging battle." And being the good dad that he is, he's teaching his older daughter, 19-month-old Esmeralda ("Ez"), about disrespecting mothers and "a reasonable amount of vengeance." He asks Ellen if she thinks he's going down the wrong road, and she answers, yes, probably, but he's got his priorities straight and remains totally committed.
Now please give the world an actual photo of that baby.
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