This week, we celebrated Mother's Day, survived turbulent Game Of Thrones drama, watched Azealia Banks feud with Zayn Malik, and learned Donald Trump had a racist butler. Tweets on these topical topics, plus jokes about Nirvana shirts, waterslides for ants, and more, in the top 39 tweets of the week!
Angus McCormack hit up an event on May 6 that his former high school, Girton Grammar School, hosted at the Sacred Heart Cathedral in Bendigo, Australia, BuzzFeed reported.
A photo posted by Angus Samuel Bâch (@officialangusmccormack) on
His dad, Christopher McCormack, let the school know his son was attending the event, to which a school official responded, "I respectfully ask that Angus wear appropriate attire." Angus, a 2013 graduate of the school, wore a suit. Isn't that appropriate attire? Noooope. On Facebook, Angus explained the situation in full.
Dear friends, family and colleagues.
It is with great sadness that I write to tell you about such an outrageous and disgraceful event in which I was involved on Friday 6 May.
On that day, I returned to my hometown of Bendigo for the weekend and decided to attend an event organised by my former high school (Girton Grammar School). The annual Foundation Day Service is held in the Sacred Heart Cathedral and this year honoured the one hundred and thirty third year of the school. My Father was just one of many members of the school Board, and asked me to accompany him to the event. This is of course was very fitting given that I was not only a past student, but also the school captain of 2013. My father courteously advised the school of my attendance to which they replied and specifically noted that “...I respectfully ask that Angus wear appropriate attire…” for the event.
Now, those who know me are fully aware that I am openly gay and very confident in my often “bold” choices of fashion. (I was originally considering rocking a dress and some killer heels!) However, I decided to “tone down” my appearance and be respectful to their wishes. Therefore, I decided to wear minimal makeup, a single small earring, neat black leather pants, a white shirt with a black bow tie and black designer jacket. A suit by any definition of the word, although not in the typical commercial fabrics. Upon my arrival at the Cathedral, after greeting a lot of excited staff and students on my way in, I was approached by the deputy head at the aisle and without even greeting me she told me I was “inappropriately dressed" and commanded that I “…leave the event.”
To avoid further embarrassment and a potentially ugly scene, I decided to graciously turn away and walk out. Although my Father as a Board member (at the time…he has since resigned!) had duties to perform at the service, he was so disgraced by my refusal of entry that he departed with me to support me in my rejection. The situation is now growing greater awareness as people who saw what happened talk and I have had an outstanding amount of support and encouragement from a lot of family and friends so far which has been amazing. My family and I are incredibly hurt by the actions, which have been exercised against me and despite trying to remain my bubbly and confident self, this is eating away at the core of who I am, not to mention the utter sense of despair I have suffered in being turned away by the school with which I was once so proud to be associated with.
Since I have not been contacted by anyone currently at the school let alone received any remote form of apology or acknowledgment, I have decided it is time to take things further. I am not only seeking fair treatment for myself, but I also want to fight for all those people out there who don’t have a voice, who don’t know who they are and who can’t openly express themselves. Its 2016! This kind of discrimination against any person regardless of their gender, race, sexual orientation or beliefs is just utterly appalling. Funnily enough, the school seems to believe that this issue will disappear and not affect their reputation or enrolments.
If you truly believe that I have been mistreated by the School, the best way that you can assist for now, is to write an email to the Headmaster (as long or short as you like) at (headmaster@girton.vic.edu.au) and express your concerns directly to him. He needs to hear that the community does not condone this intolerable behaviour in our society today. I have attached a photo of my outfit from the evening below if you wish to make your own judgment on what you think is “appropriate or inappropriate”.
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy lives to read this, it truly means a lot to me.
Regards,
Angus McCormack.
Well, obviously this school has no fashion sense because Angus looked great in those leather pants.
At this rate, Angus should've said, "To hell with it," and worn a dress.
A photo posted by Angus Samuel Bâch (@officialangusmccormack) on
No doubt it would've been as great of an outfit as those leather pants, which are deceptively tricky to pull off.
Angus, who wrote that this situation "is eating away at the core of who I am," has found much support online.
What a lovely young man you are, very smartly dressed. Does it matter that much anyway? What a bigoted lot at that school. It makes me very angry to see discrimination of this kind. You carry on being who you are regardless of others. My grandson is gay and I love him dearly, so this makes me even angrier towards those bigots.
what you were wearing. (Mainly because that seems to have been well covered.) You're a well spoken, good mannered young man. But if they're going to base such importance on how you clad the outside, I guess they really aren't going to realize the quality of person they've just denied an opportunity. That's completely their loss. I'm glad you are speaking up, so that others might not be treated as you were.
I think you look very smart Angus and Girton certainly owes you an apology. Just a lot of old fuddy duddies who have some very old school ideas and need to focus on what is important ; who people are under their clothes and outward appearance. Good on your Dad! I would have done the same if it had been one of my kids who were so openly and disgustingly discriminated against. Good luck in life Angus. Keep being true to who you are. Individuality is a great thing!
The headmaster of the school, Matthew Maruff, spoke with the Herald Sun in an attempt to defend himself.
A photo posted by Angus Samuel Bâch (@officialangusmccormack) on
“These are our standards and I am not going to apologise for that,” he said. "It’s not about self expression—he got it wrong on the night." As to the idea that this was a homophobic move, Maruff said that was "just rubbish."
Maruff also praised Angus for being a "much loved" student and "great leader." That leadership part makes sense: Angus's rousing Facebook post has all the signs of a 21st century leader.
In February, 35-year-old Army vet Jake Booth came down with double pneumonia and then, while in the hospital, had a heart attack that put him in a coma (which is terrible, but if you're going to have a heart attack, a hospital is a good a place as any to do it).
Doctors weren't sure he'd ever come out of it, and if he did, how much brain damage he might have suffered due to oxygen deprivation. After 48 days in a coma, Booth awoke, knew where he was, and recognized his daughter Eva, 6, and his son Aiden, 1. His speech was still impaired from the intubation and tracheotomy, but, in the kind of endorsement of which companies can only dream, he managed one very important sentence: "I want Taco Bell."
Booth's older brother, Jason Schwartz, toldUSA Today, "He actually said, out loud, 'I want Taco Bell.' That was the very first thing he said. . . When he starts getting into a full sentence, he can’t do it. But when he does one or two words at a time, you can definitely understand him. So when he asked for Taco Bell almost immediately, his friend Tyler definitely heard him say 'Taco Bell.' Tyler said, 'Do you want Taco Bell?' And Jake said, 'Yes.'"
Booth couldn't eat solid meals at first, but the day after doctors gave him the okay, he enjoyed eight and a half Taco Bell Crunchy Tacos. Dreams do come true. Especially when they are not that difficult to procure.
Schwartz said, "We’d all been waiting an entire month for him to eat those tacos. It was symbolic of the entire thing—more of a metaphor of him having woken up and being given a second chance at life."
Someone at Taco Bell saw the picture his friend Tyler posted on Reddit, and the fast food company responded by sending Booth some Taco Bell swag and a hand-written note.
Too bad it wasn't a hand-written check. According to Schwartz, Booth is still in the early stages of recovery, and Schwartz has started a GoFundMe page to help Booth's wife, Jasmine, and their kids, since Jason is not yet able to work.
Schwartz told USA Today, "I think a lot of people saw that video, and said, 'The guy’s eating tacos, what does he need donations for?' But the truth is, he has got years of therapy ahead of him. We really didn’t get a whole lot off almost two million hits, which is crazy. We want to make sure that people know he is not in the clear."
Hang in there, Jake. There are many, many more tacos in your future.
[Restaurants and bars] cannot deny entrance to pregnant individuals to certain public accommodations, or refuse to serve certain food or drinks to pregnant individuals or individuals perceived to be pregnant.
On that last part, refusing to give alcohol to someone who you just "perceive to be pregnant" is an insanely bold move for a server to make.
Though mothers-to-be are strongly urged not to do any keg-stands or Patron challenges, the jury's not fully in on whether the occasional glass of chardonnay is truly harmful to a fetus' health.
No amount of alcohol has been proven to be safe. There are some doctors who will tell patients that an occasional glass of wine in the third trimester is safe, but because the effects can vary between individuals, it's better to be safe than sorry.
It's up to you, pregnant mommies, and if you do choose to have a drink, your pregnant stomach is already the perfect surface to balance a wine glass on.
A visual metaphor for the weight of this mother's decisions bearing down on top of her child.
Even when they aren't correct, kids' test answers are often entertaining, and the latest viral math test is no exception. The sneaky seven-year-old nephew of Imgur user dpotter05 outsmarted his math test with a crafty cheat, making sure he got the answer right even when he didn't know what it was. His uncle posted the pic online with the title, "My nephew has some things figured out." He certainly does.
Keeping it one hundred(s place).
Putting the requested number in all three places, the kid assured he'd get the question right and showed the teacher who's the boss.
What this kid is presumably like.
Finding a clever way out is just as impressive as knowing math. (Author's Note: Right, mom? Please be proud of me.)
Now that states like North Carolina have created laws that validate the feelings of weirdos who are afraid to go to the bathroom, who can the trans community turn to? They can turn to big business, of course.
This country needs some big ole businesses to include the trans community as people, because that makes them customers, and there's nothing more American than capitalism.
At least, that's the message Target CEO Brian Cornell made on CNBC's "Squawk Box," as he related the trans-phobes now to the racists of the 1960s:
Well, kind of...
As Cornell explained, "We've had a long history of embracing diversity and inclusion... if we went back to the mid '60s, our company was one of the very first to use African American models in advertising. And back then, well it wasn't well received."
But they did it anyway, because not only is being an inclusive company simply the right thing to do, it is also profitable af.
Cornell didn't SAY this was about money. But... he's a CEO. You don't get to be a CEO of a major corporation unless your mind is constantly kept on the bottom line, not the bathroom line.
Target's principal seems simple and clear: we want all the customers, so stop letting your hatred get in the way of us making money.
It's going to be OK, everybody. The beard will come back. It just needed a break. You can't expect a beard that famous to not need some time off. Just give it a few weeks, and the world as we know it will be right again.
On Friday, Redditor nyonben posted a picture of instructions printed on the back of a package of double-sided mounting tape. On the left, the directions are printed in English, while the right features the Spanish translation.
Spanish translation for You forgot one important part.
In the case the print is too small to read, here it is blown up. First, the English directions:
Pretty self-explanatory.
Then, the "Spanish" directions:
Somewhat less self-explanatory.
Nice try, but this is not really helpful for people who don't actually speak English. But it's the thought that counts, right? Luckily, this is double-sided mounting tape, and not a power tool. In fact, there probably don't even need to be instructions at all.
1. Even at the Academy of Country Music Awards, Nicole is the star.
After a decade of marriage, he is used to it.
2. He knows that he would have been elbowed in the face if he stood any closer to that pose.
He's already a few inches lower than her, does he also have to be a few feet away?
3. Maybe there's a contract somewhere that says he has to be at least 18 inches away from his wife at all red carpet events.
He crops himself out of the picture before someone else does.
4. He is always there for Nicole. Just like, not right there.
Don't worry, Keith. No matter where you stand, everyone can always see those blonde highlights.
Just to be clear, this article is not in any way intended to shame or make fun of Urban. Quite the opposite, really. It is meant to applaud a man who knows when to step aside in order to properly show off his gem of a wife. Keith knows that his wife is marginally more famous than he is, and is cool with stepping aside to let people take pictures of her without him in it. Kudos, Keith.
5. He gave Nicole a lot of space for this picture with Geoffrey Rush.
He is familiar with the fame hierarchy of hanging out with A-list actors.
6. It's not for a lack of trying, though.
The body language speaks volumes.
7. It is just hard when you marry outside your fame-bracket.
Notice how he is standing on the opposite side of the scene-stealing backless dress. Good man.
8. Here is an aerial shot of Keith Urban standing far away from Nicole Kidman.
Artsy.
9. But even at a distance, he looks proud and very in love.
Like your hermit uncle Cletus, this presidential campaign just keeps getting weirder and more racist. On Thursday, Mother Jones reported that Donald Trump's longtime butler and "in-house historian" Anthony Senecal called for President Obama to be killed on Facebook. Subsequent posts showed numerous similar threats, racist and Islamaphobic language directed towards the President, and, of course, Confederate flag imagery.
He's like Alfred if Alfred was racist and Batman was out of shape (and racist).
As the Secret Service headed over to chat with Senecal, comedians on social media did what they do best. These are the 25 funniest reactions to the story!
1.
Just to review: a white nationalist became a Trump delegate, his butler suggested Obama be hanged and David Duke offered to be VP this week
Billy Corgan—the Smashing Pumpkins frontman who was probably a guy you once respected and kind of liked if you were alive in the 90s and were, like, very suburban—is angry that he can't say the N-word because of damn politically correct college students.
Said Corgan, who is apparently a libertarian and also 49 despite sounding like a smart but insufferable undergrad in your political science class:
The tactics in the social-justice warrior movement are to stifle and shut down free speech. And I would argue in the world that I live in, which is the bareknuckle world, they're leveraging their position because they don't have power.
It's pretty remarkable that I could say one word right now that would destroy my career. I could use the wrong racial epithet or say the wrong thing to you or look down at the wrong part of your body and be castigated and it's a meme and I'm a horrible person. Every day through the media, through advertising, we see people being degraded, we see people doing all sorts of things that we should be horrified at as a culture. So we've normalized all sorts of things, but we live in a world where one word could destroy your life but it's OK to, if you're a social-justice warrior, spit in somebody's face.
You try to tell someone here who you might argue is taking advantage of our social welfare system or is gaming the system somehow and say, ‘Look, you're telling me America sucks and you're spitting on the flag, try living in one of these third world countries and see how far that gets you. It's always very interesting to me when you see the way gays and lesbians are treated in some other countries in the world. If [American protesters] have that level of vitriol for, let's say, Donald Trump as a candidate – because they feel it's antithetical to what they believe in – where is the five-times greater condemnation for those societies that are treating their people far worse than just ideas and words?
During the bolded part of Corgan's speech, the screen shows images of Paula Deen and Michael Richards, both of whom were criticized for using the N-word.
He also isn't a fan of Bernie Sanders, as you can imagine:
I can’t believe that we’re even having this discussion, if you can understand when I say that to you humbly. To be talking in America in 2016 about Mao is a good idea, and a socialist is running for president and that’s OK, and we’re going to go back to these kind of crazy tax rates where we’re going to completely disempower the innovators in the country because the new class, the new technocratic class wants to keep their position and they want to keep anybody else from coming in the game… I mean, it’s just crazy to me.
And he doesn't like people protesting Donald Trump, probably because Trump could very well put "white people should be allowed to say the 'N-word'" in the Republican party platform:
I have no respect for what these people are doing. I don't. They're shutting down free speech, they're shutting down processes that... I just don't get it. To me, it's antithetical to the society that I believe in. As I said on Alex's show, they're eventually going to come after me. It's just the way history works.
Obviously, there's a nugget of truth somewhere in all this about free speech, but no, Corgan, you probably can't say the N-word and not be lambasted for it. You haven't been able to get away with that since the 60s—think of Elvis Costello calling Ray Charles and James Brown the N-word all the way back in 1979, and how that one drunken moment has followed him to this day. Speaking of 1979, let's just remember the good times:
A woman has horrified the Internet by posting to the "Today I Fucked Up" subreddit with a story that just sucks. For her fiancé. Because that's what happened to his penis.
As always, the story's title says it all.
"TIFU by sucking my fiancés penis into the vacuum hose NSFW."
This actually happened quite some time ago.
We were cleaning and he flashed me, I had the vacuum hose out so I threatened him with it. I didn't actually do anything at first, but then I turned the vacuum off and asked him if he'd ever done that. He said no, and we both got curious. I thought that was a thing that guys did, kind of like a rite of passage.
Apparently it's a thing that no guy should do, because the suction doesn't just pull the penis. It pulls the balls as well. Luckily, I had my hand on the 'off' switch just in case. He was in pain for a few minutes, but nothing severe. His junk survived.
As irresistible as it can be to flash a woman holding a phallic-shaped perma-inhaler, hopefully men will learn to keep it in their pants in this hyper specific situation.
But what is so fascinating is picturing the man's reaction to his fiancé's suggestion. He probably went from "Oh god no," to "Well maybe," to "Aw, well, I've always said I'm open to new experiences—let's give 'er a shot!"
To the inevitable: "OH NO."
This is why we don't try new things.
Commenters commiserated with the lady's theory that the act is a rite of passage, with one guy saying he made the same mistake not once but "a few times." A few times? That guy's a very slow learner. Or a very horny teenager. Others just wanted to join the couple on a double date: "You sound perfect for each other." Although some must have been disappointed that she didn't reveal the make and model of the vacuum—that sounds like one powerful appliance.
Hopefully, this will persuade everyone out there not to try putting their dingus in a vacuum hose, but somehow—tragically—you just know it won't.
Cheating is lame. The only thing that's not lame about cheating is soaking in the schadenfreude while reading other people's nightmares realized.
Get your popcorn ready.
Even that, though, comes with the inclination to trust no one because people are awful. With that in mind, tread carefully through these 21 stories combed from a Reddit thread that prompted people to share sagas of walking in on cheating partners. A good amount of these stories have enough karmic intervention (hello, pink eye) to make you feel like all is right in the world and that you don't have to go home and question your love life.
2. takhesis didn't have to even go inside the house to find her husband.
3. Grinder312 can say he's dodged more than a few bullets.
Walked in on my ex fiancée 6 weeks before our wedding. She was sleeping with one of our coworkers. Quit my job there, she made me cover the remaining costs of the wedding since we were within the 90-day limits and ONLY my name was on the contracts. I moved away to college. She stalked me. I put a restraining order on her. I got counseling. I was a mess.
Life gets better. I'm married to an incredible woman. Successful in my job. And I'm 1.5 years cancer free! I'll take it. Plus I don't have her in my life anymore. Dodged the bullet is how I look at it now.
Not me, but I worked with a woman who walked in on her husband and her brother going to town. A few days after that she came into work and said "My husband ran off with my brother". One of the managers was laughing so hard he fell down.
5. imn0tg00d traded a crappy roommate for a very loyal one.
My brother walked in on his ex wife in bed with another guy. He told the guy "put your pants on. I'm not going to beat the fuck out of you while you're naked."
I didn't walk in to the act, but walked in the evidence of the act (used condom). I chilled in her house for a bit, grabbed a beer from the fridge, drank it on the patio, fired up tinder and started swiping, peed on her toothbrush, then left!
8. Sometimes good things come from bad ones, as was the case for Prannke.
Accidentally caught my sister's BF cheating on her.
I was out at a bar with a few of my friends. We walk in and there is my sister's boyfriend making out with someone who is not my sister. I've had a couple drinks at this point and decided I wanted to be evil. I wait until the girl who's making out with my sister's bf comes over to the bar. I strike up a conversation with her to see if I could get some information out of her. I ask her about her date and she goes into this long story about how they dated back in high school but broke up and now he's dating someone else but doesn't care because the other girl is a total prude and what they have is true love. I let her say her speal until I introduce myself with my first and last name. She immediately starts sputtering something and I walk away to call my sister. Meanwhile, the shitty bf is across the bar being filled in on what just happened. He immediately calls my sister and tells her that I'm a liar and he's still at work. I sent her pictures of the two of them together and they ended up breaking up the next day.
At first my sister was furious with me but now we joke about it. I feel bad since they dated for 2 years but apparently the cheating had been going on for close to 6 months.
Family will always be there for you to mess with his side chick.
I walk in on him and my neighbor just as he was about to come. He ended up pulling out of her too fast and shot semen right in her eye. She had pink eye for a week.
It was one of the few times I witnessed karma in action.
Sometimes the world is a great place to live in.
11. Lil-one found an unlikely ally and had a cool car chase.
12. Kanorado1's day would've sucked even without the cheating part.
I was dating my neighbor, and his door was 10 feet away from my front door. One night I had some friends over and he went out with his friends. We had some Nerf guns at my apartment and my guy friend shot me in the eye and scratched my cornea. It was so painful. I didn't know what to do, it was pretty late at night and I had been drinking so I decided the best thing to do was just take some allergy medicine and fall into a Benadryl coma. I woke up the next morning and was in so much pain. I couldn't open my eye, and crying made it burn which made me cry more. So, I ran over to my boyfriends apartment, let myself in (we had copies of each other's keys) and as I was going up the stairs to his room I kept thinking "hm, women's shoes! How weird." And "I wonder whose pants those are!" But I was so set on having him drive me to the emergency room or something so I just busted into his room and there he was, in bed with his best girl friend. They hadn't heard me come in, so I just stood there for an uncomfortably long time.
I ended up slamming the door behind me, running back to my apartment and was so upset with everything that I sat on my floor of my bedroom and had a full fledge melt down. I was unconsciously hitting the floor so hard with my hands that my knuckles were raw and bruised. My roommate eventually came in and dragged me to the ER were I was then told I had an infection in my eye and had to get it flushed out.
Bad day.
13. Hm, probably for the best that sweetrhymepurereason caught her ex at this moment.
Not my story, but one of the managers where I worked in college was seriously the nicest guy I've ever met. He was pretty religious, but not in a douchey way. He would give you the shirt off his back. He had been married before and they divorced amicably and had just recently remarried. Apparently the new wife got along fairly well with the old wife (they all went to the same church) and they began spending time together. He thought it was great because there were kids involved and this made things substantially easier that they weren't fighting and could coparent easily.
One day he was a no-call no-show to work. We were all really worried because that was so not like him. It turns out he left the house, went to the gym, was on his way into work when he realized he forgot something so he swung back by the house to pick it up. He found his ex-wife and new wife getting it on in the bedroom.
She opened her phone and giggled, so I asked "Oh shit let me see!" Thinking it was actually just a harmless picture or something (we had a seemingly good relationship). She told me it was a text from this guy that kept texting her and that "she told him to stop" and "not to worry about him."
I hope they are enjoying the baby.
Shade 101.
16. College cafeterias: where love dies, at least for MisStitch.
I went to surprise my first college BF in his dorm room with a sweet note before he performed that night. Walked in to see him with other girl in his lap. Handed him the note without saying anything. Walked out.
Ignored/avoided him, but ended up in line next to each other at the cafeteria the next day.
Him: "So...I guess that's it, then?"
Me: "Ya think?!"
17. TBD if I-come-from-Chino got revenge or added more bad karma to the world.
It was more like they walked in making out. We were due to get married in 1 week. I was studying and she was "out with female friends from work" I figured I'd just study at her apartment until she got in. Around midnight she comes through the door handsey and making out with a male co-worker.
Her mom has cheated from one relationship to the next and been married 4+ times and is a general mess. Her biggest fear is becoming her mother. So I said "Just like your fucking mother". I took everything I owned from her apartment, took all her shit out of my apartment and left it on her front porch.
I basically cut ties with her. I was "helping" pay for her living expenses so I gave her one month to move out.
One year later she wants to meet for coffee to talk. She's has been dating her old co-worker for the last year. I had gotten in shape 1-2 hours in the gym daily and lost 30+ lbs. So we talk and it's obvious she wants to hook up so we have dirty hate sex. This happens two more times and finally her boyfriend finds out. Other than one random facebook message that I didn't respond to that is the last I've heard from her.
Had my puppy dog shit itself, couldn't find any towels in the bathroom to clean up the floor. Opened the bedroom door to get my laundry basket and there they were. Wouldn't have hurt so badly if it were not a close friend.
Ended up keeping the dog and am really digging the wagging and tennis balls that come with unconditional love.
19. fishielicious's friends know how to treat a girl.
I went to a party with my boyfriend and when it came time to leave, I couldn't find him. We were in college and though we didn't live together, I lived in a house right off campus with a bunch of our friends, and he stayed there literally every night. Basically just had another room in a house somewhere to keep up appearances for parents (lol what a waste of money).
So, even though we couldn't find him, the rest of us all walked home figuring he just went and passed out there. He was not there when we got home, so I started getting really worried. I'd been calling him previous to this, but then I started blasting his phone and calling other friends who might have seen him, etc. I couldn't get a hold of him and no one else had talked to him for a while, so eventually one friend who was sober offered to drive me to his place to see if he was there.
When I got in the house and went to his room, at first I was sooo relieved because I just saw a lump under his comforter. I figured he just decided to stumble there instead for some reason. So I grabbed the comforter and yanked it off, preparing to playfully jump on him and give him shit for scaring me.
When I do that, this girl just sits straight up in bed staring at me--and I guess I kind of delusionally just assumed his roommates had lent out the room to a friend for the night, since he never stayed there. So the first word out of my mouth was, "Sorry!" Then I saw him. I didn't say or do anything else except immediately turn around and start out the door.
He jumped up and tried to follow me and grab my arm, and I just pushed him away and told him not to touch me. My friend in the car had come inside by now, and she figured out what was going on and basically just acted as a buffer so I could get to the car.
The only consolation for me--and I remember this very clearly--was that he was wearing goddamn polar bear-print pajama pants to cheat in. Like lol wtf.
tl;dr: Thought my boyfriend was dead or in danger, walked in on him (luckily post-actual sex) in bed with a girl and he was wearing polar bear pajama pants.
Edit to add: the other shitty part is that all my friends back home knew we went out looking for him, and when we came back home they were all hanging out in the living room, and as I ran past to go to my room, I heard the friend who had driven me tell them what happened. Basically just collapsed on the stairs sobbing, which was super graceful and not embarrassing at all. Then I couldn't sleep in the bed we shared, so I went down to the basement and my friends fed me Xanax and we watched the Aristocats until I fell asleep.
20. It's not all sunshine and rainbows for the other person, according to 4B1T, who has very good hiding skills.
Tale from the other side: I was having sex with a girl in her student dorm (6'x12' cell!) when her drunk BF walked in. I hid under a bean bag while they had sex less than a foot away from me. Such a weird experience, I'm still processing it.
Once my wife was on Weight Watchers, and she was doing really well. Lost a bunch of weight and was looking fine.
I came back from exercising and caught her on the couch, watching Downton Abbey with a tub of ice-cream and a spoon. The look on her face said it all - BUSTED. That was the night she quit Weight Watchers.
Donald Trump does such a phenomenal Donald Trump impression, he's really, truly the best Donald Trump impersonator in the world. Except for, perhaps, a man named John Miller, or a man named John Barron—two spokesman about whom The Washington Post ran an article on May 13. They say Donald Trump used these pseudonyms to call reporters in 1991 and, essentially, brag about himself. Here's a Friday interview with Trump on TODAY responding to the Post's story.
"I have many, many people that are trying to imitate my voice and you can imagine that and this sounds like one of these scams, one of the many scams. Doesn’t sound like me,” said Trump, in a voice you'd be forgiven for mixing up with the voice of one John Miller. The Post reports that many people close to Trump, including reporters and his ex-wife Marla Maples, identified the voice at the time as belonging to him.
“No, it was not me on the phone, it was not me on the phone. And it doesn’t sound like me on the phone, I will tell you that, and it was not me on the phone," Trump/Miller continued in Friday's interview, doth protesting.
If you'd like to hear a much longer snippet of the audio uncovered by the Washington Post, here's the 14-minute clip from their website.
Or, you know, you could just listen to any interview with Donald Trump. Because the voice is pretty similar, if a little deeper and free of the stress typically associated with hurtling towards the most important job in the world.
The implications of the audio tape aren't necessarily yuge for the revelation that Trump would have made an excellent cast member on Crank Yankers, but for all the sexist stuff the man in the audio repeats ad nauseam.
Future President John Miller?
For example, when asked about Trump's divorce from model Marla Maples, "Miller" says, "He gets called by everybody in the book, in terms of women." And, "Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things."
Trump's said far worse things just in the past year:
Re Megyn Kelly quote: "you could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever" (NOSE). Just got on w/thought
But something about the tape seems to rattle the Donald, and that in itself might be notable as the election heats up and the Democratic Party uses everything it can to stop him in November.
On Thursday, Redditor Kartarsh shared her and her fiancé’s engagement photos that took place in the nation’s #1 place to devour free food samples: Costco Wholesale. The food empire isn't necessarily as Kodak moment-worthy as a typical romantic and outdoorsyengagement shoot, but these photos show that Costco pretty much has everything your hungry heart ever desired in bulk—now including a lifetime of love.
Love in its most raw form.
"I didn't like the idea of having the regular engagement pics (or really any, but our photographer offered to do it for free)," Kartash wrote. The couple "just both really like Costco." Because, of course, you can't have an engagement shoot without a photo of two lovebirds cradling raw meat.
"I thought it would be funny to have pictures of us doing really mundane things, and then decided it would be better to romanticize those mundane things," she said.
You are the only person I want to share this strawberry cheesecake with.
Marry me in the car care products aisle.
Charged up for love.
Thirsty for love.
Where are the free samples?
Who cares, we got eight packs of butter!
Just throw it all in, darling.
No matter what Costco throws at us, I will push this cart with you and only you.
And I vow to consume this processed meat with you.
Humongous cases of water bottles, 40-pack AA batteries, and of course, 88oz strawberry cheesecakes are what love is really made of.
Television fans are mourning the loss of some of their favorite shows, as the American broadcast networks have announced which of their programs are going to be taken out to pasture. Some are gone too soon (such as ABC's failed attempt at an adult version of The Muppets) while other long-standing shows are taking their final bow. (American Idolis ending after 15 seasons, probably 10 seasons later than it should have). Mashable has provided the complete list of what shows will soon be airing their final episodes. Brace yourselves.
ABC
Of Kings and Prophets (was pulled after only two episodes) The Family (after 1 season) Blood and Oil (after 1 season) The Muppets (after 1 season) Wicked City (after 1 season) The Whispers (after 1 season) Agent Carter (after 2 seasons) Galavant (after 2 seasons) Nashville (after 4 seasons) Castle (after 8 seasons)
Sorry, Castle fans. You had a pretty good run.
CBS
Angel from Hell (after 1 season) CSI: Cyber (after 1 season) Extant (after 2 seasons) Under the Dome (after 3 seasons) Mike & Molly (after 6 season) The Good Wife (after 7 seasons) Person of Interest (after 5 seasons)
CW
Containment (after 1 season, was initially announced to be limited.) Beauty and the Beast (after 4 seasons)
FOX
Grandfathered (after 1 season) The Grinder (after 1 season) Bordertown (after 1 season) Minority Report (after 1 season) Second Chance (after 1 season) Knock Knock Live (after 1 season) Cooper Barrett's Guide to Surviving Life (after 1 season) American Idol (after 15 seasons)
Stamos is up for grabs if anyone wants him.
NBC
Heroes Reborn (after 1 season) The Player (after 1 season) You, Me, and the Apocalypse (after 1 season) Truth Be Told (after 1 season) Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris (after 1 season) Mr. Robinson (after 1 season)
Not even Neil Patrick Harris had enough charm to make his show work.
And then there are a few shows in limbo, which have not been canceled or renewed yet. Among them are CBS's Limitless and Undercover Boss, FOX's Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? and The X-Files, as well as NBC's Telenovela, The Mysteries of Laura, Undateable, and ABC's Last Man Standing.
However, these shows have not been canceled in vain, and have been taken off the air to make room for an incoming crop shows. The Hollywood Reporter released the complete list of pilots that major networks have recently picked up, so get excited to meet some of your new favorite shows. Here are some that sound especially intriguing.
Designated Survivor (ABC) This show stars Kiefer Sutherland, so you know things are going to be blown up. Sutherland plays a man who is suddenly appointed President of the United States after a catastrophic attack during the State of the Union kills everyone above him in line for the presidency.
Untitled Kevin James (CBS) This show Kevin James playing a retired police officer (shocker) who has to adjust to life at home with his wife and children, which proves to be just as hard as fighting crime.
The Good Place (NBC) It stars Kristin Bell. No need to say more. You already know you're going to watch it.
Intrigued?
Powerless (NBC) Vanessa Hudgens stars in this show that combines the DC Comics universe with an office comedy, where average employees who work for an insurance company are on a quest to find their power.
Trial and Error (NBC) This legal spoof described as a serialized single camera comedy stars John Lithgow, Sherri Shepherd, and Nick D'Agosto. The story centers around a big time city lawyer who gets sent to investigate a high-profile murder case in a small southern town.
Taken (NBC) This show is a prequel to the popular Liam Neeson movie of the same name. It focuses aon how Bryan Mills developed his skills enough to eventually be the man who rescues his kidnapped daughter and utters the now infamous line, "I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
Riverdale (CW) Riverdale is based around the usually wholesome characters from the Archie Comics, but takes a deeper looking into what weird stuff is going on behind Riverdale's wholesome façade. It stars Cole Sprouse (from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Big Daddy, where he was the kid) as Jughead Jones.
Wow, a show about Kevin James being a retired cop and and a live action Archie TV show staring Cole Sprouse? Start taking bets as to what will be on the cancelation list for next year!
