Fall is coming, so that means it's time to get your wardrobe public-drunk ready. Yes, we're talking about how to hide your wine in public. If you've been mulling over how to get take your mulled wine into the streets, here are nine fashions to consider for when it gets nippy.

1. This scarf flask.

It's cute, it's comfy, and it's got an entire bottle of wine in it. This alcohol-friendly accessory that can keep you drinking forever and ever, bringing new meaning to the term "infinity scarf."

2. These wedge sandals.

No fall bonfire in the dunes is complete without these shoes that hide your wine. Plus, climbing back up the dune is easier once you are drunk and your wedges are lighter.

3. This sports bra.

Let's get your wine is into athleisure as much as you are.

4. These wine mittens.

Is there anything better than hands-free drinking? You could literally be holding an inoffensive bottle of water while you glug your wine. Plus, warm hands!

5. This cat purse flask.

The more you embrace your inner cat lady, the less people seem to ask questions. And the last thing you want when you're surreptitiously drinking wine in public is people asking questions.

6. This umbrella flask.

Rihanna would totally get under this umbrella-ella-ella.

7. This wine tote.

This bag is so roomy that by the time you finish your wine, you could probably sleep inside it.

8. This bracelet flask.

The security guards at the airport can't catch EVERY item, right?

9. And finally, this hide-it-anywhere foldable plastic wine flask.

Hide it in your hat! In your purse! Up your sleeve! Your drunken creativity is limitless with this thing.

Where do you hide your flasks? Show us in the comments section!

Well, this is certainly extremely gooey and gross: the all-too-professional drainage of two huge back cysts by Someecards favorite Dr. Pimple Popper, née Sandra Lee. It's the second session of this woman, by the way; her previous video was called "WHY DOES THIS WOMAN HAVE SO MANY GROWING BUMPS," ifyou're interested (of course you are).

Keep washing your skin, folks.

Planning a wedding is always stressful, but for one bride-to-be, there is more to worry about than just deciding between cake flavors and making a guest list. Reddit user richbiche asked the advice of the internet after writing about how her older sister, who she describes as "cruel, selfish, and conceited," just offered her $10,000 to make her the maid of honor over her younger sister, who is a person who the bride actually likes. Yeah, the description the bride gave her conniving older sister is pretty spot-on.

My older sister Mary was always daddy's little girl and she grew up cruel, selfish, and conceited just like him. My little sister and I have never been close with her or our father but we've always been there for each other.

When my father passed last year he left Mary the bulk of his estate. Mary is flashing about town with the cash while my sister and I have been struggling to help our ailing mother get by. Mary visits our mom once in awhile and spends her time there making the kind of cruel comments our father made and texting. I really don't like her but she mostly ignored me until now.

My younger sister Anne has always been the great beauty of the three of us and my older sister has always reserved the best of her vitriol for Anne. I know showing up Anne is probably the only reason Mary wants to be my maid of honor.

$10,000 is potentially life-changing money for me but I'm having a hard time thinking about Mary smugly play-acting as though we are closer than Anne and I. I'm sure Anne would understand if I explained in confidence but I don't want to do that to her. I don't want her to understand, she deserves to be my MOH, I want her to be my MOH.

But every financial difficulty I have in the future I'm always going to be haunted by the thought that I should have sold out my wedding day for my future.

Tl;dr: I'm worried letting my older sister have her way is going to mar what should be the happiest, most loving day of my life. I'm not sure that's really worth it but it feels irresponsible to walk away from this much money for the sake of my feelings.

Holy crap, Mary is trying to bribe the bride!

Now, just a few things. In the comment section of the post, OP clarified that her evil older sister said she would her the money in cash with a receipt before the wedding, but after she told everyone she was asked to be maid of honor. Also, OP reiterated that her and her fiancé​ live paycheck-to-paycheck, and the money would largely go to helping her sick mother who is in the hospital.

Damn, this whole story sounds like it would be a real juicy c-plot in a soap opera. But real or not, the drama in this story really is grade-A.

The comments remain somewhat divided, but most of them are basically telling OP that she should not take that money . What would you do?

Kim Kardashian West's whole empire is built upon self-obsession, which led her to becoming one of the most recognizable faces (and the single most recognizable butt) in the world. True to brand, as her momager would say, Kardashian West used her friend's birthday as an opportunity to just post a super hot pic of herself.

"I love this pic of us!"

"Us" being her, and a shadow.

Is it throwing shade if the person is literally lost in the shade?

Kardashian West posted more pics, only gradually acknowledging the existence of the birthday girl Steph Shep as a human, and not a mere absence of light.

Butt.

Finally, she's in the frame!

She's in the frame along with a butt!

In the end, Shep was in on the joke.

Hopefully it was a joke, right? It's hard to know with these caricatures of humans.

Dialing 911 is for emergencies only, period. That’s why the number is so easy to remember—so you can recall it during a moment of distress. Unfortunately, that seems to be the only number people remember, because a lot of dum-dums out there think it’s perfectly fine to call 911 to report things that aren’t quite emergencies. Some actual 911 dispatchers took to Reddit to talk about the silliest calls they’ve ever fielded.

1. User milkcustard gets to talk to all sorts of interesting people on the job, from entrepreneurs to foodies.

Guy calling to argue that his crystal meth is legal because he made it with store-brought products with his own hard-earned money.

Woman calling to complain that her McDonald's triple thick milkshake isn't thick.

2. Shadowjacksdad has the misfortune of working as a 911 operator in Crankypantsville.

"Basketball is too loud in the neighbor's driveway" "I lost my book in the bathroom" "Aliens have abducted my mailbox" "I saw a deer in my yard" "The neighbor has too many children" "My air conditioner is too loud" "There are drunk people at a bar" "I don't like what my wife made for dinner" "I'm afraid a parked car may roll up a hill and strike kids on bikes"

3. This story from SprawlingChaos totally rocks.

I once took a call from a guy who had found an 'unusual rock' on the side of the road. Apparently he had turned it over to what were city employees or road workers of some kind (the fellow was obviously quite intoxicated), but now ... he wanted it back. And it was an emergency, as the rock was obviously an relic of some kind that was worth thousands, as it had an impression of some kind of bone or shell in the side of it! At any rate, I managed to convince him that if he didn't know who he had turned it over to, then we could not track down the rock, and that searching for this person was definitely not a police matter as it was given voluntarily to them, as he had said earlier on the recorded line.

4. User malloryparker remembers this berry important call.

6:30 Christmas morning. 9-1-1 goes off. "9-1-1. what's your emergency?"

Breathless, panicky voice "How do I get the cranberry sauce out of the can without it coming out in chunks?"

"Open the other end and slide it out on a plate."

"OH! THANK YOU! You are brilliant!"

5. Yeah, Stepside79. in Texas that is an emergency.

I've had someone call 911 to know how long to smoke a brisket.

6. Random-Miser is allergic to how dumb this caller was.

Had a lady trying to call an ambulance because she opened a package from Amazon at home and she was afraid that that her kid was about to have a major allergic reaction... From the packing Peanuts.... because the kid was allergic to peanuts, and when her kid mentioned what they were called, she freaked out.

7. We were all saved from the crab people invasion of ’05, thanks to brave emergency dispatchers like erczilla.

If a caller starts the call with "I swear I'm not crazy" then you need to buckle up for some insanity. A guy started a call with those words after escaping from his apartment and running to the closest 7-11. He swore that his roommates were turning into giant crabs. The was going to show the officers that they were currently in giant cocoons transforming. As you might expect he was tripping balls.

8. As it turns out, the only crisis in this story from tkokilroy is the guy’s criminal misuse of pizza.

Had a drunk person call to report he was being harassed. Truth was..... He was being arrested by our officers for throwing pizza at people. All I heard in the background was one of my officers saying to him "that better not be our dispatcher on the phone" followed by some muffled talking and my officer taking the phone and saying "he will be taking a ride with us now" and hung up.

9. Here’s a very trashy story from 6251993.

Hi recently took a 911 dispatching certification and one of my classmates say apparently there's a women who calls 911 when her kids forget to take the trash out. They send a cop over every time.

10. Well, Dues1987, the big spoon is whoever has the biggest, strongest, cuddliest arms.

I had someone a few months ago call 911 to ask if a tablespoon was the big spoon or the little one.

11. From the sound of it, SockShots68 fielded a call from another 911 operator.

one afternoon this lady called and wanted to know why time was going so slow.

12. 911 operator NodePoker shares one of their deerest memories.

Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house.

Me: Okay?

Caller: Well I am worried it might be cold.

Me:.......Well there is nothing we can do about a deer being cold. Didn't it run off after swinning the river?

Caller: Yes.

Me: Well ma'am it's a wild animal and I'd guess it's going to be fine.

Caller: ok

13. So if we’re to believe dispatcher Jenaration200, it’s important to call 911, like, when the emergency is happening.

Me: "911 this line is recorded, what is your emergency?"

Caller: "hi, um I don't know if this counts, but four days ago I noticed a Uhaul truck in my neighbor's driveway."

Me: "okay?"

Caller: "Well the two guys looked really suspicious. They were walking around the house like they didn't belong there."

Me: "Four days ago?"

Caller: "it's been bothering me because my neighbors have been on vacation and no one should be there."

Me: ......"okay we'll take a look."

The entire house had been ransacked. All the valuables were gone. Too much time had passed for the local pawn shops to have the items because they know what is stolen and needs to be moved quickly.

14. If you’re gonna bother a 911 dispatcher like xxCyberpunk2077xx, you best be sharing your candy.

What time is trick or treating in my neighborhood?

15. “Crack is whack!” - QueenCoyote

"The neighbor is giving my horse drugs." - 0500 or earlier, every. Single. Day. Usually followed up about an hour later by:

"It's crack!"

Lady, nobody is giving your horse drugs. Drugs are expensive.

Today in "Headlines You Never Thought You'd See But Totally Make Sense While Being Both Hilarious and Sad," a woman is apparently suing her parents for posting embarrassing pictures of herself as a baby to Facebook. The 18-year-old woman from Austria (who is choosing to remain anonymous) claims that over the past 7 years, her parents posted over 500 pictures of her as a baby without permission. Despite her protests, they will not delete them, so now she's taking it to court. Their family get-togethers are probably super fun, right?

Her father reportedly feels that he took the photos, therefore he should be able to post them. But, she told The Local, "They knew no shame and no limit—and didn’t care whether it was a picture of me sitting on the toilet or lying naked in my cot—every stage was photographed and then made public."

This is the first case of its type in Austria, but her lawyer, Michael Rami, thinks she has a good chance of winning when her case is tried in November. If he can prove that her parents posting the pictures on a social media site is a violation of her right to a personal life, they could lose.

Based on the outcomes of similar cases in other countries, her parents might be forced to compensate her financially for "pain and suffering." They'd also have to cover her legal costs. And their reign of photo terror would come to an abrupt end.

This is important news for anyone whose parents refuse to stop posting that one picture of them running naked through a sprinkler in the backyard at the age of 3 with a blue crayon shoved up their nose. Hypothetically.

Kanye West's first breakthrough hit as a rapper was the fabulous "Through the Wire," which tells the story of how Ye was put on life support and had his jaw wired shut after being involved in a near-deadly car accident. This song—along with other self-mythologizing stories about the young Chicago son of an English professor who dropped out of college to make music—helped make Yeezy's first album, The College Dropout, one of the most beloved and widely known origin tales in hip hop. Over a decade later, "Through The Wire" is trending on social media again because crazy people on Twitter are saying that it's bullsh*t.

The theory comes from a since-deleted tweet from an essentially random person that read "And what’s crazy is Kanye still got the world thinking he was in a bad car accident October 2002. all Im’a say is come to Chicagoland and ask." Other tweets in reply to this said that Kanye West's swollen, temporarily disfigured face after the accident—which makes up part of the cover artwork for his debut mixtape—was actually the result of being punched in the face.

As Spin points out, there is just no way this is true—the driver of the other car involved in the crash actually sued West. They were also hospitalized in L.A., not Chicago, which syncs up with the lyrics in "Through The Wire," where West is "in the same hospital where Biggie Smalls died." What's more, news outlets like MTV actually reported on the crash at the time it occurred. Kanye was best known as a producer at this time, but he was a known figure.

By the way, the first version of the song was actually recorded "through the wire," i.e. while Ye's mouth was literally wired shut. Forget about your feelings about his Twitter account, or Kim Kardashian, or the "Famous" video, or whatever, and just acknowledge for a moment how badass that is.

We're used to accepting abuse from Apple as customers, but according to incriminating emails leaked to Mic, women who work at the company are asked to "think differently" by accepting unfriendly work environment, and so are some men. Goodbye forever, cruel world. This is worse than when Apple broke our hearts by taking away our beloved headphone jacks.

Melanie Ehrenkranz of Mic.com has amassed over 50 leaked emails from Apple employees, most of them women, complaining to superiors about discrimination and sexism in the workplace. She reached out to many of them for further comment.

Here are some low lights:

A woman named Danielle wrote an email to Apple CEO Tim Cook to address a problem with rape jokes at work. "Rape jokes in work chat is basically where I completely draw the limit," she wrote. "I do not feel safe at a company that tolerates individuals who make rape jokes." She says he never responded.

One woman said she missed out on possible promotions that were given to men under the table.

A former employee who has since quit described being the only woman in an all-male meeting. "The conversation turned to all of the men being dismissive about their wives and their significant others," she wrote.

There were complaints of sexism from male employees as well. "I was continually told that I was on my ‘Man Period,’” one guy wrote. (That's a messed up thing to say to a co-worker, and also biologically incorrect.)

Unfortunately, these are all very plausible scenarios, since women (and some men) face this kind of sexism at work all the time. But that doesn't make it okay.

When asked for comment, Apple simply released a statement saying that the company is committed to “treating everyone with dignity and respect.” Listen up, APPLE. You better address this problem immediately before I am forced to get a Droid.

Meet 9-year old Amariyanna “Mari” Copeny from Flint, Michigan. She is currently serving as “Little Miss Flint.”

Last May, she participated in a historic visit to Flint from President Obama after she wrote him a letter about what she was doing to bring attention to Flint's water crisis.

Today, Trump campaign decided to go to Flint, too, and he also met with the 9-year-old darling. Here was their photo together:

Twitter was quick to jump on how utterly horrified this little girl looks.

The general consensus was that Mari is the face of what many voters are thinking. So much so that she should be allowed to vote.

This lucky Trump guard seems to be the only person who avoided seeing it at all.

But Mari's face says it all.

Simone Biles is the latest celebrity to be asked 73 questions by Vogue, opening up in the magazine's video series about everything from her turtle collection to what her gold medal tastes like (not good, apparently). Even though Simone still seems a little stiff on camera, there was one question that totally helped her loosen up—"what's your dream first date with Zac Efron?"

Oh, people would totally ship "Zimone."

The interview was conducted at The World Champions Centre, a gym Simone's parents built in Texas.

Meet the next in a long line of Instagram stars monopolizing on their social media fame: Mash, the scrunch-faced short hair cat, who is debuting his own line of footwear.

Japanese native Mash has earned over 182K followers on Instagram with photos and videos of his adorably mashed up face. Now he's teamed up with shoe brand Randa to unveil a line of shoes in his furry likeness. Meanwhile, our cats here in America are all just sitting there, licking themselves.

All the shoes, ranging from $100-$150 a pair, come lined with fur that appears to have been directly stolen from Mash's cat brush. The most notable pair, the "Fur Toe Pump," is a furry pump with a plush Mash head above the heel.

Lookout Yeezy, because so far, none of Mash's shoes have caused any models to humiliate themselves during New York Fashion Week.

America's most famous cat lady, Taylor Swift, really only has one true feline friend: her cat Olivia Benson. Her other cat Meredith? She's a freaking traitor. Swift's Instagram story Wednesday revealed a rare moment of the reputedly cold Meredith showing affection... with BFF model Martha Hunt.

The betrayal! Taylor feeds and loves this heartless feline, and how does she repay this kindness? By snuggling up with a Victoria's Secret model.

"She really loves you. This is a beautiful moment," Taylor claims. But you can see the sadness in her eyes.

Worse, Martha was allowed to take an almost unheard-of Meredith selfie.

"She never takes pictures with me," continues a jilted Swift.

Of course, we know that's not true. Meredith has let Tayor take at least this one

Turns out that the most important qualifier to Donald Trump's candidacy for President is his high testosterone levels, at least according to the audience of Dr. Oz.

Dr. Oz, reading over Trump's medical history, said...

Your Testosterone is 441 – which is, actually… is good...

Followed by audience approval. This is fine—thanks to the patriarchy—but would they have applauded as much if Hillary Clinton had just as high levels of estrogen? Here's the best clip available of this moment right now, since Dr. Oz is keeping an extremely tight digital lid on this episode:

After he sufficiently made it known he's a man, he admitted that he could afford to lose a couple pounds.

But so what? Because when he looks in the mirror, he doesn't see this...

Instead he see's a 35-year-old stud, not unlike his golfing buddy, football star Tom Brady, about whom he said...

...when I’m with him [Tom Brady] I feel the same age as him. It's crazy.

Crazy is definitely a word we would use to describe that comparison. All this is his way of saying he's got stamina, and don't you forget it.

His campaign released a summary of his latest physical, which said in part...

We are pleased to disclose all of the test results, which show Mr. Trump is in excellent health and has the stamina to endure, uninterrupted, the rigors of a punishing and unprecedented presidential campaign.

We're glad Trump is feeling ruddy and healthy at 70. Yes, he would be the oldest president ever elected, but Trump's mother lived into her 80's and his father until his 90's, both with few medical problems. (With the exception of his father towards the end of his life, who "...developed, I think it was Alzheimer’s," as Trump put it.) It should be noted that Hillary Clinton's dad also lived until his 80's, and her mom lived until her 90's. She would be the second-oldest if elected, after Reagan.

So why are we still talking about their medical histories? They both come from good genes even if they are getting up there. How about we shift to like, say, tax returns, or more transparency, or even (heaven forbid) economic policy proposals?

Jonah Hill has played many profane characters, most recently in the war-profiteering comedy War Dogs, but that history apparently made one French TV host feel too chummy when it was time to poke fun at the star. On the panel show Le Grand Journal, host Ornella Fleury jokingly decided to reveal her "sexual fantasy" about Hill. At first, both Hill and Fleury seemed to be giving each other a hard time in good fun, but after she reached the punchline, he appeared genuinely hurt:

Fleury begins with how she came to develop this "fantasy."

It’s when I saw you get sodomized by a three-meter-tall demon in This Is the End that I told myself, 'Now that’s the man of my dreams!'

At this point, Hill is still willing to give as good as he gets.

And you? I hear you get sodomised pretty often.

Uh, ok? Pretty harsh, but not compared to what came next from Fleury:

Anyway, that’s why I have a sexual fantasy with you, Jonah,

At this point the audience laughs.

All I said is “sexual fantasy” and you guys laugh. Guess I don’t need to finish the joke!

But she did:

My sexual fantasy would be that we’d meet up in a hotel room at night. We would chat, you’d make me laugh; you’d make me laugh a lot! And then all of a sudden, you’d bring your friends [Leonardo] DiCaprio and Brad Pitt … And then you’d go away!

Damn, or as they say in France, le damn. Jonah was clearly not pleased with this very French roast (French roasts are always too dark for my tastes) he'd been invited to, and it showed in his sarcastic thumbs-up and put-down:

I’m glad I came to this show to get ridiculed by a local weather girl - it's nice.

After this went down, there were rumors (since withdrawn) that Hill canceled all further French publicity for War Dogs. He has since done other appearances, however, so we at least know he wasn't so insulted he left the country. In the ensuing media chaos, Fleury released a pretty heartfelt apology, mixed with her own hurt rebuttals:

Jonah, the problem is that for 10 years I have lived with you through your films. In fact Jonah, I really had the impression that I knew you, so last Friday I thought I was just messing around with a friend, but the reality is that we are not friends.

No, the reality is that you have two Oscar nominations and I have two videos on my YouTube account. You have made films with Scorese and Tarantino and me, I have made an advert for Spontex (a company that specializes in making cleaning products).

Everyone looks pretty bad here, but everyone also looks pretty hurt. If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's probably the same as the lesson of War Dogs: "don't act like a Jonah Hill character in real life."

Donald Trump Jr got in some hot water today for a joke about "warming up the gas chamber," but it's hardly the first time his Twitter's gotten attention. Some linked it to his previous flirtations with white supremacists. Others have noted that Don Junior has a long history of weird utterances on Twitter. Full disclosure: He and I followed each other on Twitter for a couple years, which is how I became first aware of some of these gems. Anyway, enjoy 13 of the greatest DJTJR tweets of all time!

1. Imagine the walks we'll be seeing on Nov. 9th.

2. Tiny hands may run in the family:

3. 
This one got a lot of attention a few months back.

4. Who hasn't contemplated shooting Santa Claus?

5. Maybe you had to be there.

6. Ugh. Can't fault the honesty, though.

7. Irony alert!

8. Now this sounds a little more Dad-like.

9. Guess Mexico isn't ALL bad...

10. Then again, farts.

11. This guy has serious issues with Santa Claus.

12. WHO IS GARY??!

13. It's safe to say he's not having this problem in 2016.