Jimmy Kimmel returned to his show on Monday night after taking a week of paternity leave following the birth of his son. Last week, Kimmel spoke about his newborn son William's heart condition, which required him to have open heart surgery just days after being born. Last night, the late-night host made a passionate plea that all children in America should have healthcare.

Kimmel said he was thankful for all the support he received, and for the many donations made to the Children's Hospital Los Angeles. But he also mentioned that a lot of people, as it turns out, were not on board with his message.

He showed some headlines from a few newspapers, like the New York Post, which read, "Jimmy Kimmel's obscene lies about kids and medical care." Another, from the Washington Times (which may or may not be a real newspaper, according to Kimmel), read, "Shut up, Jimmy Kimmel, you elitist creep."

Kimmel went on to say, "I cannot count the number of times I've been called an 'out-of-touch Hollywood elitist creep' this week."

Kimmel joked, “I would like to apologize for saying that children in America should have health care. It was insensitive. It was offensive, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Listen to the full monologue in the video above—the part where he takes on Newt Gingrich is hilarious. Below is the video from last week where Kimmel tearfully explains his position on children in America having healthcare.

On Monday, former Acting Attorney General Sally Yates testified on the "Flynn saga," according to NBC News. Answering questions about everything that happened regarding the disgraced National Security Adviser, Yates ended up fielding an off-topic question from none other than everyone's favorite booger-monster, Ted Cruz.

Questioning Sally Yates on her reaction to Trump's first travel ban (she refused to defend it, and was quickly fired by the administration), Ted Cruz tried to destroy a former attorney general with specifics of the law.

It didn't work. Cruz attempted to school Yates with a statute about the president's power over immigration, and Yates immediately shot back with another relevant portion of U.S. law: the Constitution.

If you're still confused about what happened in that viral video, or want some more scholarly analysis, here's Wolf Blitzer's take:

"She basically crushed him," said Blitzer, to the joy of his panel.

"He was trying to do legal gotcha with the code," clarified Dana Bash. "And she said, 'I'll hear your legal gotcha, and I'll one-up you—' which is the United States Constitution. And that's what I was following."

"He met his match."

So to recap—Cruz got destroyed, Sally Yates became a liberal hero, and... Trump is still president. Good news for anyone who likes testimony.

DILF extraordinaire Channing Tatum penned a sweet open letter to his three-year-old daughter, Everly, in Cosmopolitanexplaining all the things he wants his child to know as she grows up.

Channing starts the letter by explaining that he wants his daughter to grow up with a strong sense of self and that he hopes she will carry that authenticity into her relationships as an adult.

Unlike many fathers, Channing Tatum does not shy away from the subject of sex in the open letter. As a matter of fact, he encourages Everly to "explore and discover her sexuality" once she reaches an appropriate age.

I tried to imagine the things I’d want her to read that would help her understand men and sex and partnership better, and at that moment, I realized a strange thing. I don’t want her looking to the outside world for answers. My highest hope for her is just that she has the fearlessness to always be her authentic self, no matter what she thinks men want her to be.

He also shares about what made him fall in love with his wife, Jenna Dewan-Tatum, and says he can only hope that Everly inherits some of her mother's strength and conviction.

He goes on to tell Everly that she should never feel inferior due to her gender and hopes that as she grows up, she will feel empowered. What father wouldn't want that for their daughter?

We all know that every one of us is different and has a unique road map to our heart. We learn how to navigate it by leaping into love with both feet and giving our full selves without expecting anything in return. So I guess if there’s one thing that I think men wish women knew, it’s just that they alone are enough. When more women start to truly feel this power in themselves, the world will become so magical, it makes my head hurt.

To read Tatum's full open letter for Cosmopolitan, click here.

Fort Lauderdale's airport became a nightmare zone on Monday after Spirit Airlines canceled nine flights and furious passengers fought with security and airline employees, according to CNN and CBS.

Cell phone videos captured the chaos of the brawl and NBC News reports Spirit Airlines' statement that they are "shocked and saddened" to see the footage. Three arrests were made as "screams wailed through the under-construction terminal," the site added.

According to CNN, Spirit has canceled nearly 300 flights in the last week—blaming pilots and actually attempting to take them to federal court over the slow down.

"This is a result of unlawful labor activity by some Spirit pilots designed to disrupt Spirit operations for our customers, by canceling multiple flights across our network," said Spirit spokesman Paul Berry.

Meanwhile, "chairman of the Spirit unit" of the pilots' union blamed Spirit and refused to accept "substandard pay and retirement based on the unenforceable hypothesis that the Company may grow more quickly."

Twitter certainly didn't take the side of the airline, as Spirit Airlines began trending. Spurned passengers savaged the company, which already had a reputation for less-than-stellar customer service.

The only winner in this situation might be United Airlines.

How long until we all just start walking?

On Monday afternoon, President Donald Trump added some text to his Twitter header. It came from one of his own tweets, reading:

"Director Clapper reiterated what everybody, including the fake media already knows- there is "no evidence" of collusion w/ Russia and Trump."

Yes, he's referring to himself in the third person. And "no evidence" is in quotes, which, as we have learned from Trump, means the words don't really mean no evidence.

Because the text of the tweet was superimposed over his banner picture—a picture of the Congressional Republicans celebrating the House's passing of a measure to repeal and replace Obamacare— you know he didn't just do this himself. No, this piece of handiwork obviously involved some help from one of his aides.

Despite the fact that nothing shows how innocent of collusion you are like placing a desperate tweet in your banner, people on Twitter couldn't help but laugh at Donald Trump.

A lot of people merely pointed out the insanity of the situation.

And, of course, a few replaced the text with other stuff, because come on, Trump was basically begging for it.

By now, Donald Trump has already changed his header, this time to a picture of him and House Republicans at the White House. But it was fun/terrifying while it lasted.

United Airlines is back in the news, but not for dragging a person off or accidentally killing a rabbit. This time they managed to send a woman to San Francisco when she was supposed to be going to Paris, according to ABC7.

Because the passenger, a woman named Lucie Bahetoukilae, doesn't speak English, Bahetoukilae's niece, Diane Miantsoko, translated for her. Here's the whole story.

Apparently, Bahetoukilae's boarding pass read: "Newark to Charles de Gaulle." When she went to the gate stamped on her pass, a United representative scanned it and allowed her to board the plane. Someone was already in her seat, but the flight attendant who looked at her boarding pass failed to notice the destination and just sat Bahetoukilae in another seat.

It turns out that United had made a last minute gate change, but Bahetoukilae didn't realize it, because the announcement wasn't made in French and she didn't receive email notification.

So this poor woman flew 3,000 miles in the wrong direction from Newark, ending up in San Francisco after a 7.5-hour flight. Then, after an 11-hour layover in the airport, she got back on a plane, this time heading in the right direction. All in all, Bahetoukilae had been traveling more than 28 hours by the time she reached France.

"With everything going on this country people have to be more careful," Miantsoko explained. "They didn't pay attention. My aunt could have been anyone. She could have been a terrorist and killed people on that flight and they didn't know, they didn't catch it." Yikes.

Is there an airplane coach? Maybe United should take the bench for a while.

It's been two weeks since the Fyre Festival dumped rich kids who expected luxury yachts and supermodels onto an island with FEMA tents and cheese sandwiches. Since then, it has had the most disastrous fallout for an island getaway since Jonestown.

Rolling Stonereports that the festival's co-founders, Jeffrey "Ja Rule" Atkins and Billy McFarland, have been hit with their sixth (SIXTH!!!) class-action lawsuit.

Fyre Festival survivors Kenneth and Emily Reel have brought forth a class-action case in a Florida court, and are seeking $5 million in damages from Ja Rule, McFarland, and the festival's PR agency and advertising firm for misleading them. Their filing asserts that the festival founders sent out cease-and-desist letters to attendees who were criticizing them on social media. Yes, the whole world was roasting the Fyre Festival, but certain people heard from their lawyers (Don't come after Someecards, please).

"Those individuals who elected to speak negatively about the Defendants on social media, they are now being threatened with legal action via cease-and-desist letters," the complaint reads. "Specifically, if the social media comments were not taken down, the Defendants claim they could ‘incite violence, rioting, or civil unrest,’ with the caveat that if ‘someone innocent does get hurt as a result … Fyre Festival will hold you accountable and responsible."

That's right: Don't hate the player, hate the person who exposed the player for putting people into dangerous situations.

The suit also said that the Fyre folks have deliberately made the refund process as misleading as the festival. "This refund 'application' is nothing more than an attempt to save face," the lawsuit states. "The Defendants should have information on each purchaser, and should not require an 'application' be completed simply to receive the refund."

Damn. The Fyre Festival is just the gift that keeps on giving.

Read the court filing here:

We think Seth Meyers has some of the best political commentary in late night TV, but apparently not everyone agrees. Namely, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan.

On one of last week's episodes of Late Night, Meyers talked about the American Health Care Act in his segment, "A Closer Look." Paul Ryan's office apparently took issue with some of Meyers' jokes, so much so that they sent him an email to clear up some of the bill's provisions.

During Monday night's "A Closer Look," Meyers responded to the email, breaking down every one of its points. It did not go well for Ryan.

However, Meyers was very gracious and invited the Speaker to come talk to him in person. "We genuinely appreciate the engagement and would love to have Ryan on the show," Meyers said. Think he'll show up?

You can watch the full segment below.

On Monday, as former Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates testified to Congress about the scandal surrounding disgraced National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, President Donald Trump (who fired Yates after she warned him about Flynn's Russian connections) kept himself busy by criticizing the hearings on Twitter. This particular tweet made an especially deep impression.

In a rare example of regret, President Trump later deleted the tweet—not because he realized he was undermining the legislative branch or incriminating himself in the investigation, but because he realized he had made a typo. He meant to write "W.H. Counsel," not "Council."

Lots of Twitter users pointed out the president's mistake, but none of them did it with more gravitas or shade than the official account of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, which has become known for its social media clapbacks recently.

Trump didn't take the bait from this inspired bit of trolling, but he did delete his tweet and replace it with an edited version.

By then, however, the damage was done.

As always, those Merriam-Webster eggheads basked in the attention.

Welcome to 2017, where people around the country rally behind a dictionary to make fun of the president.

Mother's Day is May 14th, and Skittles just dropped this weird AF commercial to celebrate. You may want to watch this before you rush out to buy your mom her favorite candy.

The commercial starts off normal enough, with a mother and son pair enjoying a pack of Skittles together. Except, wait. Only the mother is eating the candies, but the son seems to be able to taste them, too? What is going on here?

Oh dear god.

Yuck.

Why?

No.

Yeah, you and your mom might be close, but you are not that close.

I mean, I have to hand it to Skittles. They regularly top themselves when it comes to producing weird commercials.

What any of this has to do with candy I have no idea, but I guess the advertisement worked: this commercial will be burned into my memory forever.

Qasim Rashid is a Muslim lawyer in Washington, D.C., who generously takes the time to school white supremacists on their misconceptions about Islam.

On May 9th, Rashid was messaged by a troll with a Pepe the Frog avatar. That's ALWAYS a bad sign as to whether or not they'd be respectful, seeing as the cartoon amphibian was declared to be a hate symbol by the Anti-Defamation League.

That's right, the concept of "72 virgins" is not featured anywhere in the Quran.

According to Just Islam, this common misperception is due to poor translation, which some extremists sects do accept. As Rashid points out, every dangerous extremist culture has their own version of a fantasy that subjugates women, and criminals who act on it.

Mic dropped.

Before trolling, it's important to check the Quran before you...wreck the Quran.

#Peace.

READ MORE: 5 times racists got schooled on social media to satisfy your thirst for justice.

The next time you want to complain about the weird middle name your parents gave you, think of those with names like Journey, or Golden, or Darth Vader. No, seriously, this guy's name is Darth Vader.

Darth Vader Williamson is a surgical technician at St. Francis Hospital - Bartlett in the suburbs of Memphis, Tennessee. And yes, Darth Vader is his actual name.

Williamson, who is 39 years old, was born less than a year after the first Star Wars film was released in theaters.

"When I was born my mother wanted me to be named Junior, after my father. But my dad was a Star Wars buff," he said. "He was so enamored with the character Darth Vader that he was like, 'This would be one bad name for our son.‌"

Bad, in this case, meaning awesome.

"Under the effects of anesthesia, (my mother) would have agreed to anything. She was like, 'Yeah, OK, fine.' And ... afterward, she was like, 'Uh, what have we done?" Williamson said.

While Darth Vader Williamson's dad may be a huge Star Wars fan, he doesn't seem to get the hype. Williamson says he hasn't seen any of the movies since 1983.

Williamson has worked at the hospital for 10 years with relatively little attention, but recently, a hospital spokesman by the name of Derek Venckus thought it'd be fun to make a video about him to celebrate Star Wars Day on May 4. You can watch the whole thing below.

Guess Darth Vader didn't die at the end of Return of the Jedi after all.

Zooey Deschanel and Jacob Pechenik made another baby, and it looks like the couple is sticking to a theme when it comes to names. The pair welcomed their daughter Elsie Otter in 2015, and decided to name their new baby son Charlie Wolf.

Oh Zooey, you would, you adorably decorated cupcake with bangs.

HelloGiggles announced that their co-founder and her husband welcomed the baby boy in Los Angeles last week.

“Zooey, Jacob and their daughter Elsie are overjoyed to welcome the newest member of their family,” Deschanel's rep told People.

Two kids under three years old? Yep, the Deschanel-Pechenik house is going to be a real zoo.

North West, cute toddler and future author of memoir North by North West, had a very Kardashian, very zen time out.

Mom Kim Kardashian shared a pic of little North making lemonade out of being sentenced to go to her room, impressing us with the fact that she already knows what a spa is at the age of 3.

Hopefully she was alright with the paparazzi shot.

Spa treatments are popular among celebrity spawn, because if you had all the moneys, wouldn't you?

Mariah Carey recently had a spa night with her kids, sharing photos of the team getting "#Pampahhd."

Namasté, sweet children.

Boys, girls, men, women: we all need a good cry sometimes. And this emotional video of Kalani Watson from South L.A. asking his stepdad, Brandon Williamson, to adopt him for his 10th birthday, should do the trick.

Kalani's mom, Porsche Williamson, shared a video on Facebook of the heart-wrenching moment her son read a letter to his stepdad, thanking him for everything he's done, and eventually asking him to "make it official."

"Will you do me the biggest favor in the world? Will you adopt me?" he asks his stepdad in the video, which has since gone hugely viral.

Williamson's response to his stepson's request will make you cry. Trust.

Porsche gushed about the moment on Facebook, writing (in all caps for emphasis):

ᴍʏ sᴏɴ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴜsʙᴀɴᴅ ɪғ ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴀᴅᴏᴘᴛ ʜɪᴍ!!! ɪ sᴡᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴀs ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇsᴛ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛs sɪɴᴄᴇ ᴡᴇ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍ ᴜɴᴄᴏɴᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢ!! ᴜs ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ!!! ғᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs!! ʟᴇᴛ's ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴏғғɪᴄɪᴀʟ!!!

In the emotional video, Kalani gives his stepdad a wrapped box containing official adoption papers. Of course, his dad accepted his request. The video has racked up over 3 million views since it was posted last week. And literally everyone is crying (you're not the only one!!!):

Williamson said days later he's still emotional about this. "I can't watch the video," he told KTLA."It still chokes me up."

US, TOO.

"It felt good to let everything out and tell my dad how I feel about him," said Kalani, who hasn’t seen his biological dad in years. He has considered Williamson his father ever since he was a baby, KTLA reports. And at age 4, he first got up the courage to call him "daddy."

"That was another day I won’t forget," said Williamson.

Expect flood warnings on your phone from all these happy tears.

YouTube connoisseurs Rhett and Link—a comedy duo known for their viral videos and myriad YouTube shows—decided to mine for internet gold in the decaying ruins of two-month-old foods.

What's better, if one of your favorite foods can survive two months in the wild unscathed, or if it gets completely covered in insects and mold? You would think the latter, because it proves your food's not pumped full of preservatives.

But then again... good luck eating a burrito after watching this thing.

They found their internet gold, but it was hidden under a nest of maggots. Here are the spark notes:

• Mini Wheats become hard as rocks, stink something terrible, and get covered in black stuff which may or may not be insect poop.
• Hamburger bread doesn't change, and neither do fries—this is bad news for anyone who thought fries were organic. Meanwhile, the pickle is truly a sight to behold. "That is a freaking pickle!" No, Rhett. That is no longer a pickle.
• The hard boiled egg has become a bouncy ball.
• The burrito. My god, the burrito. Eat a burrito while watching this video and you are truly a super hero. You are also begging for dreams of tiny bugs crawling around your intestines.
• Caprese salad—it's just a black plate full of maggots.

All those foods are off the table for the next year. Thank god they didn't experiment with pizza.