For some reason, satan put siblings on this earth to ruin our lives. Even if you deeply love your siblings, it's par for the course to have a couple stories of them embarrassing you in front of a romantic partner. After all, what's the point of surviving growing pains together if you can't humiliate your sister in front of her partner with some facts about her younger years?!
At the end of the day, most (non-abusive) sibling humiliation is harmless, and acts as nothing more than an annoying love language. However, there are always exceptions, and digging up a sibling's dirty laundry in front of their partner can transcend regular embarrassment and enter a whole new realm of hell.
In a recent post on the Am I The Asshole subreddit a woman shared how her younger brother revealed her teenage cheating during a drunk game of "Never Have I Ever."
"AITA for kicking out my brother, who our parents have previously disowned, because he told my (now ex) fiancé that I cheated 9 years ago?"
To kick off the post, the OP shared that her younger brother Connor was disowned by the family for being gay, and has been living with her and her (now ex) fiance for the past couple years.
"For reference, my brother Connor is 19, I am 26, and my (now ex) fiancé Hunter is 28. Also for reference, already mentioned in the title, but my brother was kicked out when he was 16 because our parents snooped through his phone and found out he was in gay."
Last weekend Connor invited friends over for his birthday and they got into some drinking games, including "Never Have I Ever."
At first, OP and her fiance Hunter declined the offer to play - but eventually they gave in.
"Connor had a birthday last weekend, so he invited his friends over and they were all (18-22 year olds) drinking and playing games. Hunter and I were about to head out to let them have the place to themselves, when Connor asked if we wanted to join them. I initially refused (bit too old to be playing drinking games), but he insisted and Hunter thought it’d be fun to act like college students again."
In the middle of the game Connor brought up the statement "Never Have I Ever Cheated Before," which he knew applied to OP.
"We all got pretty drunk and Connor had the idea of playing Never Have I Ever. A few rounds in, the statement “Never Have I Ever cheated before” came up."
For context, OP's fiance Hunter was cheated on in a past relationship and it greatly scarred him, so the issue of cheating is very near and dear to him.
When OP was 17 she cheated on her boyfriend of five months and the relationship quickly ended. In retrospect, she feels awful, and has since never made that mistake again. Because of this, OP didn't drink when she was supposed to during "Never Have I Ever."
"Now’s a good time to mention that Hunter is staunchly against cheating. His ex-fiancé cheated on him and it emotionally wrecked him. And unfortunately, as a lot of dumb, immature 17 year olds do, I cheated on my “boyfriend” of 5 months. It was a stupid mistake, he found out, and (understandably) ended things. This was almost a decade ago, I obviously learned my lesson, and look back at that time with shame (and obviously never cheated since)."
When OP's brother saw she wasn't drinking, he immediately brought up the time she cheated on her highschool boyfriend.
"Well my brother knows about this so when I didn’t drink, he went “hey sis, what the hell? You know you cheated on (insert ex’s name). You have to drink to that!”
Hunter was so disturbed by the revelation he immediately walked out of the room, and promptly dumped OP over her infidelity to her high school ex.
"My boyfriend paused, looked at me, looked at him, and just walked out of the room. I followed him and tried to talk to tell him that it was a stupid teenaged mistake, but he wasn’t haven’t any of it and ended things on the spot. I’m numb. I’m heartbroken. He was my everything and more and I still don’t know how I’m going to move on."
Connor has apologized profusely, but the turn of events upset OP so much she decided to kick him out.
"Connor tried to apologize, but I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness. This morning I served him an eviction notice. He begged me to stay and said he didn’t mean to ruin my relationship and he just didn’t think when he said those words. I just can’t look at him right now. He ruined my life. After I raised him and cared for him like he was my own. I feel so hurt. Am I being unreasonable?"
black_and_shredded thinks it's a painful situation, but that it's unfair of OP to take her fiance's decision out on her brother.
"I’m going to have to say ESH.
Why your brother is TA
Bringing up your regretful teenaged mistakes is a huge no-no. I don’t know why he would think exclaiming to everyone “hey everyone, my sister is a cheater” was a great move, but I get that it was because he was drunk. Alcohol does make you do stupid things. I can easily see how the lack of judgment caused by inebriation could lead to him thinking that was an acceptable thing to do."
"Why your fiancé is TA
Probably the most controversial of them but I think your ex-fiancé sucks the most. I get being hurt in the past because of cheating (I know that pain all too well), but he’s holding a mistake you made when you were a teenager against you. Assuming you’re being honest, you never cheated on him, you’ve never given any indication that you did, and the relationship was otherwise fulfilling, breaking off an engagement over something you did a decade ago is overkill."
"Why you’re TA
You’re misdirecting your anger. I get being upset because your fiancé left you, but I think that’s more of a fiancé problem than a brother problem. From your story, he wasn’t being malicious, and he’s obviously remorseful. No great relationship should end that suddenly and without warning, especially considering it happened a decade ago. I wouldn’t let this blimp ruin an otherwise good relationship with your brother. Forgive him."
In fact, OP appreciated the clarity of the comment so much she responded, and revealed she knows she should forgive her brother, but it's very hard.
"Hey I appreciate your thorough analysis of the situation. I know you're right. He didn't mean to hurt me. He just doesn't think sometimes. I love my brother. I WANT to forgive him. But every time I look at him, I just see sadness and anger. I'm going to schedule my first therapist appointment today. Thank you for your judgement."
DamnKhajiit thinks the fiance is the one who overreacted in this situation.
"NTA but if your fiance ended things so quickly over you cheating on an ex almost a decade ago and never doing again then he was likely already looking to end it or on the fence.
That's not normal."
CivilPolicy pointed out the fiance was likely angry about being tricked about past cheating, not the cheating itself.
"It might not even be the cheating though, he might be pissed that she knew how important something was to him (not cheating) and lied about her history with it for 9 years. I'd be pretty pissed about that and wouldn't marry someone who hid something for that long because they knew how upset I would be."
Lost_vob thinks the brother was the last person who did anything wrong in the situation.
"YTA. Brother did you a HUGE favor. The cheating was a decade ago and wasn't on him. The fact that he got mad over something that happened before his is a GIANT red flag. Frankly, I think your ex is the biggest asshole of the 3 of you, and you're lucky it ended now instead of later. I know you're hurt, but you would have been hurt a lot worse if this relationship was allowed to continue."
AimMick thinks the brother definitely doesn't deserve to be kicked out, but believes everyone in the situation sucks.
"ESH. Unfortunately sometimes things we do in life catch up with us. Even stupid shit we did as teens. Your brother was a jerk for spewing shit when he was drunk."
"But really the asshole here is the ex fiancé. You were 17. Teens make stupid decisions all the time. For him to hold this against you and break things off from you is absolutely ridiculous. I think you may have dodged a bullet. I think kicking him out is pretty harsh."
According to one of the OP's comments (which is above), she seems to realize kicking out her brother is an extreme move and has sought out therapy. Hopefully, with therapy and further processing, OP will be able to maintain a healthy relationship with her brother amidst the loss of her engagement.