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20 of the most deliciously inappropriate cakes ever given to a coworker.

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Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean it's not a workday.(via reddit)

Everyone loves taking a break at work, unless it's a break to choke down some dry sheet cake and make forced small talk with your coworkers during someone's office birthday or retirement party. Here are 20 people who made the best of a bad situation with creative cakes.


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Sweet references.(via reddit)


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The best way to greet a returning employee.(via reddit)


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Good luck with the mercury poisoning.(via reddit)


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Also doubles as your quarterly review.(via reddit)


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You've crossed St. Patrick for the last time.(via reddit)


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"I'm just glad you guys are thinking of me."(via reddit)


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They certainly didn't cage in their nightmares.(via reddit)


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A huge, delicious mistake.(via reddit)


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Great icing penmanship, for a total bastard.(via reddit)


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Donatello has his bad days, too.(via reddit)



12.


Thanks for the diabetes! (via reddit)


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Guess someone didn't give two weeks notice.(via reddit)


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What happens when you leave Google for Bing.(via reddit)


15.


There's nothing like recovering from surgery by slowly killing yourself with cake.(via reddit)


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Majestic.(via reddit)


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He doesn't look too hoppy to me.(via reddit)


18.


If you're going to apologize for sexual harassment on a cake, it better at least be big enough to fit "harassment" on.(via reddit)


19.


How they resign via cake in England...(via The Guardian)


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...and how we do it in America.(via reddit)


Two dudes in their 30s lip-sync a conversation between sisters in their 60s.

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The Kloons are back with their 'Sisters' webseries, but this time the ladies aren't the only stars involved.

You may remember our previous coverage of Sisters, the hilarious webseries from sketch group The Kloons. In these videos, Kloons member Nik Kazoura records his mother and aunt having normal conversations, and then the Kloons act them out, not even bothering to shave their beards beforehand. The series has gone viral, with millions of people charmed by the voices of these adorable ladies, and the faces of these scruffy dudes.

In fact, even Keith Richards and Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones saw it, and fell in love themselves. Maybe the sisters reminded them of their fans from when they first got famous (they're in the right age bracket). Regardless of the reason, they reached out to the Kloons for a collaboration, and this spectacular video was born. Make sure you watch to the end for the very special cameo. Let's just say it will give you… shelter. It will get off… your cloud. It's under… your thumb. Etc.

Check out these links for the previous installments of 'Sisters':

Episode 1: "Strawberries"
Episode 2: "Husky"
Episode 3: "Perfect Pitch"
Episode 4: "California"
Episode 5: "Bill Murray"

Article 19

On this Japanese game show, men have to perform karaoke despite the ultimate distraction.

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If you think karaoke is awkward now, try it while getting a handjob on 'Sing What Happens.'

If you're one of the many people who gets nervous while singing karaoke, this is either a perfect solution or the most terrifying thing you could imagine. Sure, a handjob is a very effective stress reliever, but maybe not when it happens on TV.

You really have to give these guys credit for trying their best. If you can make it through an entire J-Pop song under those circumstances without either hitting your crescendo early or wilting under the lights, you're a star. That's a skill that will come in handy.

Eagle-eyed redditors with lots of hj experience have pointed out that this clip is almost certainly fake. It's either a TV show where the sex acts are simulated, or porn made to look like a game show, which is actually very popular in Japan. Either of those would explain the wilting problem I mentioned before. Those guys have to be pros to perform under pressure like that. And when I say perform, I don't mean singing.


If this were 'The Voice,' no one would ever turn their chairs.(via YouTube)

Mom hilariously live-tweets son's AWFUL abstinence-only sex ed class.

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Alice Dreger was allowed to sit-in on her son's sex-ed class, which focuses on abstinence, and live-tweeted the whole terrible thing.


That's the message the teacher was sending.(via Alice Dreger)

Alice Dreger is an author who's written no less than three books on science, with a focus on activism to prevent surgery on intersex people at birth. She also tours, lectures and teaches on the subject. Basically, she knows a lot about human anatomy and sex. Most moms who think their children should be educated on how to use a condom and the potential risks of STIs would find abstinence-only sex-ed difficult to sit through, but when Dreger decided to observe one of her son's classes, it was even more challenging.

During the class she started tweeting particularly choice ignorant and offensive moments. The results are funny, sad and sometimes shocking. Enjoy!

There's more, and it's worth a read. And maybe more to come?!

The most grammatically horrifying Internet sentence of the week.

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The Internet is a minefield of terrible grammar. Each week, Someecards' resident English teacher Matt Cheplic is here to clear the mines—or die trying.

Under most circumstances, a conservative religious website removing a woman from a photo because of her decadence and immodesty would inspire outrage, right? Well, sympathy is in short supply when that woman is Kim Kardashian.

On a trip to have their baby North baptized in the Holy Land, Kim and Kanye have been photographed in Jerusalem this week. On the Kikar HaShabbat website, Kim's face is blurred out, or—this isn't a joke—obscured by a large image of a restaurant receipt. According to the Associated Press, Kardashian was deemed a "pornographic symbol" who contradicts ultra-Orthodox values.

Most comments on Yahoo! revealed an eerie level of comfort with the idea of women being rendered invisible.

While the following sentence was by no means the most mean-spirited, it takes the prize for most grammatically horrifying:


I know. It's a lot to take in. Let's break it down, shall we?

1. Lol me to tired

I'm not sure exactly where "tired" is located, or if it's more a state of mind. Evidently, our commenter is hoping someone will "lol" her there. Now, if laughing out loud truly can transport a person to some far-off destination, I'm definitely doing my part to send her on her way. (I hope she isn't too pornographic for their sensibilities.)

2. don't follow these people at all just know shes all wrong

It appears this person had only one apostrophe and faced a difficult decision—a grammarian's version of Sophie's Choice. She opted to retain the standard English contraction "don't" but tragically could do nothing to prevent the awful "shes." (We won't bother discussing that she read and commented on an article about people she claims not to follow.)

3. with the clan that follows her pretty stupid people

Even spelled the textbook, non-terrifying way, there's just no comfortable way to use "the clan," is there? Moving on, this person's hideous grammar creates an intriguing mystery here. Is she saying that Kim Kardashian has people who are fairly stupid but for some reason have a clan following them around? Is she saying that Kardashian's people are not merely stupid but actually both pretty AND stupid? (Such a claim would require a comma between those words, but I doubt this person bothers with such subtleties.) Perhaps she's simply saying, "Typing comments makes my fingers feel good but thinking about words makes my brain feel bad."

It always gets complicated when centuries-old religious orthodoxy collides with contemporary American liberties. But on the question of putting words and letters in a logical order, you can count me among the traditionalists.

9 songs your parents definitely had sex to.

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Pictured: Your mom and dad (viaReddit)

There's just something about certain songs that make you want to find your special lady, hold her tight, and make love. This is a feeling often felt…by your parents. Even they've got their handful of songs that make them frisky, and almost all of them were smooth hits released between the years of 1977 and 1983h. These are the songs you heard coming from your parents bedroom when they were doing exactly what you don't want to think about them doing.

1. Herb Alpert, "Rise"

The smooth jazz of this proto-Kenny G smooth jazz is so smooth, so slick, so sun-soaked that it just always reminds your mom and dad of that trip they took to Hawaii together, just the two of them. They did things on that trip, gross things that you didn't think parents did, but they did, because it was the late '70s, they were in love, and they were in Hawaii. (Butt stuff. They did butt stuff.)

2. Seals and Crofts, "Summer Breeze"

You'd always hear this song coming out of their room on nights in June, right around when school let out each year. Their wedding anniversary is in June, isn't it? Seals and Crofts' "Summer Breeze" is most definitely "their song" and they've got a Maxell cassette with just this song it over and over again. Your mom thinks this one is real romantic and special, so your dad doesn't dare ever try anything "weird" when this one is on, but know when that locked bedroom door clicks open, both of your flushed-face parents will emerge very, very satisfied.

3. Kenny Rogers, "Lady"

Remember that, like, two-year period where your dad grew a beard? Both your mom and dad thought it made him look like Kenny Rogers. That was also when he started wearing his shirts with the first couple of buttons undone, to let his chest air breathe. "Can't be getting your mom all hot and bothered right now" you heard him say one morning on the way to church while buttoning his shirt all the way. Because that beard and chest hair made your mom want to have sex with him, you see, and they couldn't, because you were on the way to church.

4. Donna Summer, "Love to Love You Baby"

Your mom always asked your dad to "take her dancing" like they used to, but there just weren't many places an older couple could go "dancing" anymore. That's why when disco finally reached your hometown in 1983, your parents went, and fell out of place. Still, that Donna Summer song got them in the mood then, and it gets them in the mood now. It makes them feel young, even though the song's 17-minute running time nicely covers up the fact that it takes them longer to get things started then they used to. It's also just exotic enough that it gives your mom and dad carte blanche to get what they think is weird. (Mouth stuff. They do mouth stuff.)

5. Rita Coolidge, "All Time High (Theme From Octopussy)"

Your dad likes playing the songs from James Bond movies because it better allows him to pretend he's James Bond, bedding one of his many Bond Girls, a role your mom happily plays out. She even likes it when he talks to her in a Scottish accent, like Sean Connery. And every single time he makes the same dad-joke-style joke hinging on the words "Pussy Galore," and every single time your mom fuckin' loves it.

6. Exile, "Kiss You All Over"

About a year after your family got its first VCR, your dad went "behind the curtain" at The Video Hut and brought home a dirty movie for him and your mom. You came home early unexpectedly from that sleepover, saw the plain black plastic VHS box with a name like "Lusty Intentions," and the tape still in the VCR. You had enough sense to get the hell out of there before your parents heard you, but long enough to hear this song coming from their room, a hit from the 1970s that sounds like 1970s porno music.

7. The Captain and Tennille, "Do That to Me One More Time"

Your dad asked you how to transfer his 45 of this song onto a cassette tape. It was the day before Valentine's Day. While you were at a school dance, your parents boned. Twice.

8. Peaches and Herb, "Reunited"

Think back to when your mom and dad would fight. Dad would sleep on the couch, things would be tense for a couple of days. Then on the second night, they'd start to talk again, and you'd hear a murmur and a whisper, and the next thing you know you've been told to go outside and play, and you hear this song from the driveway.

9. Bonnie Raitt, "Something to Talk About"

Remember that time they went to that outdoor jazz concert at the winery, and they came home sloppy drunk and stumbled straight to their bedroom, locked the door, and you could hear the muffled sounds of middle-aged white person blues? That was also the night your dad tried Viagra for the first time.

Finally, someone put every stoned-teen-after-wisdom-teeth-surgery video in one place.

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Is this the real life? Is this your dance routine? Caught in a bad Vine, no escape from benzodiazepines.

Wisdom Teeth Videos (@WlSDOMTEETH) has existed for all of three days, but it already has 80,000 followers for a very simple reason: people love wisdom teeth videos. And why not? They combine the stupidity of heavy sedation with the stupidity of adolescence (when most people get their teeth pulled), without the ethical quandaries that usually come with laughing at intoxicated teens and early 20-somethings.

Like this college kid who was confused why she wasn't Nicki Minaj when she woke up, or this young woman whose mom filmed her expressing a desire for Ryan Gosling and other NSFW things. Or this kid who thought two years had passed while he was out. Or this girl who did the Ice Bucket Challenge before her meds wore off. Or any of these chuckleheads:

Not technically a wisdom tooth vid, but quality nonetheless:

Finally, here's a good reason to tattoo yourself Memento-style before any sedated surgery.

Who are you people? What's going on? Why am I not Nicki Minaj having sex with Ryan Gosling? Quick, someone put me back under.


Article 13

This guy has a 7-pound silicone-injected penis and you don't.

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Micha is a 45-year-old German man who has surgically enlarged his penis to an enormous size. Catch a glimpse of it at the end of this video. (Super NSFW)

Lots of men wish their penis were bigger, but few are willing to do something about it. Fewer still are willing to keep doing something about it, in the form of vacuum pumping and injections of silicone and saline, until their penises are 9 inches long and weigh between 7 and 10 pounds. That's what makes them heroes.

Perhaps the strangest thing is what a shy, even-keeled guy Micha is. He seems like the last person you'd expect to subject himself to this kind of extreme, permanent body modification. But he also seems extremely comfortable with it. He even allowed his Frankendick to be filmed for the credits of this short documentary. Predictably, it looks unusual. He says himself that people tell him it looks like a butt or a mouth, but here are some of the more original comparisons we've come up with:

1. An olive that lost its pimento.
2. A blind deep-sea fish that's frowning.
3. A water wiggler.
4. A half-baked calzone.

It's worth noting that the injections have enlarged Micha's foreskin, but not the tissue beneath it. That means that his erections don't have much of an effect on the size or firmness of his penis. For that and other reasons, he can't have normal homosexual sex with men anymore, but that doesn't get him down. He says he just has to be "creative" about it.

Based on what he's already accomplished, I don't think Micha has any problems with creativity.

Scientists capture knuckle crack on MRI for first time, solving the most important debate in knuckleology.

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A University of Alberta study is challenging theories about what happens when joints crack, with video evidence.

My whole childhood, people told me not to crack my knuckles. "It's rude," they said. "You'll get arthritis," they said. "The other kids are already intimidated and now you're just terrifying them," they said. Although the first and third reasons may be valid, the second has been disproven since 1998, when physician Donald Unger published a study documenting how he had cracked the knuckles on only one hand every day for 60 years, with no damage.

After that, the prevailing theory for the distinctive cracking noise was that air bubbles were popping inside the joint. But now, a new study by Greg Kawchuk and other researchers at the University of Alberta is challenging that. Filming a knuckle crack with an MRI machine for the first time, they have concluded that the noise actually comes from the rapid separation of the bones. However, there is still no risk of damage.

So crack away, everyone! Just be aware that this freakshow is going on inside your hands while you do it.

Witness the power of a fully-operational 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' teaser.

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If you watch this now, you shall become even nerdier than you can possibly imagine (jk, it's 2015, nerds are jocks now).

Today is the start of Star Wars Celebration 2015 in Anaheim, CA. Of course, with a new Star Wars movie coming this year, the event couldn't possibly happen without dropping some big gifts for the fans. If they tried that, there would be an unprecedented uproar, millions of voices crying out in agony and never being silenced. It would be like Episode II all over again.

J.J. Abrams is too smart to make that mistake, so at the end of today's panel discussion, he gave us what we've all been waiting for: a new teaser trailer. And it's a good one, featuring tons of ships, new lightsabers, and one shot at the end that brought a tear to more than one of our staffers' eyes.

The panel also featured other highlights, like a cast reunion, an onstage appearance of that adorable BB-8 droid with R2D2, and Anthony Daniels misidentifying his character as CP3O.

CP3O? Really? I'm going to have to watch this thing 40 more times to get over that.

Article 8

15 of the most creative text message responses to wrong numbers.

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How can he be wrong with style like that?(via imgur)


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Maybe one of the cats is named Tina.(via reddit)


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Guess he never called his bluff.(via reddit)


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But things seemed to be going so well.(via reddit)


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At least these four are hitting it off.(via imgur)


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He's got his one phone call figured out.(via reddit)


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A good reminder that things can always get worse.(via imgur)


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He looks genuinely concerned.(via reddit)


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Sometimes it's hard to look yourself in the eye.(via reddit)


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Of course a guy named JD would wear a necklace like that.(via reddit)


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Still, it was probably a great party.(via reddit)


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Kassidy probably needed to focus on her academics anyway.(via imgur)


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This is how great romances start. (via reddit)


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Holy wrong number, Batman!(via reddit)


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Alex is probably jealous of this.(via imgur)

There was a new 'Star Wars' trailer today. Shockingly, people tweeted jokes about it.

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'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' got a new, official teaser trailer today that made nerds cry with joy and then immediately rush to their keyboards to make fun of themselves.


Here's the new Star Wars trailer in GIF form, for all your obsessive needs.

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I'd have to say that if there's one thing about the new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens that's kind of annoying, it's having to continually hit the play button over and over again every two minutes. So, in an effort to fix that, I spent the last hour or so cutting it up into a bunch of animated gifs so that we can can all mainline each individual part directly into the pleasure centers of our brains. Enjoy!



















Don't you judge me for how I spend my time! You made it all the way to the end, didn't you?

Article 4

Britney Spears lets an audience member who called her a "fat b***h" know exactly how she feels.

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It's Britney, B%&#*!

Heckle-proof.

Britney Spears is doing just fine. One of the ways you can tell that she's OK now is her reaction when a rude audience member in Las Vegas called her a "fat b***h." Her response? Calmly turning away for the next part of her show and firing back "f***ing a**hole." Some might think of this as poor form, but what would you do? I think it's way crazier to ignore something like that. So, kudos to Britney. She's back!

This woman makes 'Game of Thrones'-themed feasts as epic as 'Game of Thrones' itself.

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Dinner is coming! (Via imgur)

As if being a chemical engineer by day isn't enough, Rachel Howden's hobby is preparing massive Game of Thrones-inspired feasts. She does them for season premieres, season finales, and those special event episodes.

These feasts are kingly, queenly, and a very, very big deal.

I wrote to Howden to ask what inspired her to do this, besides a love of both fantasy television and roasted meats. She said that at first she started making recipes out of The Feast of Ice and Fire, a Games of Thrones-inspired cookbook officially sanctioned by George R.R. Martin. The feasts became events unto themselves, and a nice way to enjoy the show with her boyfriend and friends. “Last year the feasts had themes where the food was cooked, based on what people might eat in different regions, e.g., The Wall of Dorne or King's Landing."

For last weekend's season premiere, she outdid herself, and teamed up with her sister ("It was nice to have help!" she says.) and made courses that would be both "interesting for our friends to try, and that would taste good as well." So yeah, she just improvised a lot of this.

Cookbook, you know nothing! (Via Rachel's Blog)

Here are some more of the Westeros delicacies Howden and her sister and her friends whipped up:


Crusted Lamb (via imgur)


Spiced Carrots and Raisins (via imgur)


Cream Swans (via imgur)

Howden and her nine guests also feasted quite merrily on Roasted Rosemary Rabbit with Potatoes, Stuffed Jalapeños, Beef With Bacon Pie, Roasted Lemon Butter Quail, Boiled Quail Eggs, Roast Boar Loin, and Blackened Iguana (presumably by a dragon's mouth).

10 famous actors you didn't realize were in 90s music videos.

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A lot of now-famous actors took embarrassing roles early in their careers. These music videos are some of the most embarrassing.


Before they were stars, they were in some really ridiculous music videos. (via YouTube)

Recently, some hero at E! pointed out that Jason Statham danced in a very, very 90s music video early in his career. But the action star/man who is good at dancing in leopard-print underwear is far from the only now-famous actor in a 90s music video. Check out this list of other actors you can see dancing, competing in game shows, and getting shot to the moon to the soundtrack of your favorite (or least favorite) 90s songs.

1. Jason Statham in "Comin' On" by The Shamen

The only way this could look more 90s if Kimmy Gibbler ran in giving a piggyback to Bill Clinton while he played the saxophone.

2. Jill Talley and Tom Kinney in "Tonight, Tonight" by Smashing Pumpkins

Mr. Show cast members and husband-and-wife duo Jill Talley and Tom Kinney play the couple that gets shot to the moon in this Smashing Pumpkins video, which is an homage to the 1902 film A Trip to the Moon. Both are perhaps most famous for voice acting now, especially Tom — he's the voice of Spongebob Squarepants.

3. David Cross, Bob Odenkirk, and John Ennis in "Sugarcube" by Yo La Tengo

Apparently, 90s musicians loved Mr. Show, because the Smashing Pumpkins weren't the only ones to tap cast members for music videos. Bob and David themselves appear in this Yo La Tengo video, along with cast member John Ennis. Bob, of course, currently stars in Better Call Saul, and David played Tobias in Arrested Development.

4. Zooey Deschanel in "She's Got Issues" by The Offspring

Before she was uke-ing and quirking around sitcoms, young Zooey starred as the bright-red-haired crazy lady in this Offspring video.

5. Christina Hendricks in "One-Hit Wonder" by Everclear

Christina Hendricks is the big winner in this Price Is Right-themed Everclear video. One of the things she wins appears to be the band itself, though, which seems like more of a burden than a prize.

6. Eva Mendes, Sean William Scott, and Alexandra Holden in "Hole in My Soul" by Aerosmith

This Weird Science-themed video has a whole slew of stars, plus some ridiculous emotional sing-acting from Mr. Tyler, who begins a very serious relationship with a rock wall at the end of the video.

7. John Malkovich and Hugh Laurie in "Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox

The video for Annie Lennox's video was based on 18th and 19th century period films, so they used actors who had already performed in period projects — John Malkovich (Dangerous Liaisons) and Hugh Laurie (Blackadder).

8. Angelina Jolie in "Rock n' Roll Dreams Come Through" by Meatloaf

Is your rock n' roll dream to play Lara Croft, Angelina Jolie? JUST KEEP BELIEVING. Rock n' roll will get you there!

9. Sarah Michelle Geller in "Sour Girl" by Stone Temple Pilots

After Buffy had been on air for a couple of years, Sarah Michelle Gellar appeared in this creepy, Teletubbies-influenced Stone Temple Pilots video. When the light comes up near the end, I like to imagine that it's the baby-faced sun just off-screen.

10. Matt LeBlanc and Johnny Depp in Tom Petty's "Into the Great Wide Open"

Depp's the star here, but there's a little LeBlanc cameo at the end. This video is also worth a watch for the giant and somewhat terrifying Tom Petty that looms over his miniature band.

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