A man lightened the mood of a dark day in Baltimore by showing police his rear end.

It's like Where's Waldo, except you're looking for a butt. (via YouTube)

Amid protests and rioting in Baltimore following the death of Freddie Gray, one man channelled his frustration with the police into a creative dance number and proper mooning. He even pointed to his naked man-butt as a way of saying, "Hey! Yeah you, the line of police in riot gear: this is what I think of you."

Regardless of his intention, he peacefully showed his solidarity against police brutality. Although at first glance the man's movements come across as nonchalant or even jovial, his unrest was evident when he casually dropped his drawers.

The unnamed mooner probably did not know his bare ass was being broadcast live on CNN, but at least his stunt brought some humor to an otherwise grim day.

Here is the full clip of PG-13 nudity, live on CNN:

CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin's reaction to the mooning is very similar to my reaction every time I hear a story about police brutality: I can't believe this is still happening.

(via YouTube)

It's been seven days since we've been reminded of our inferior status in society by an episode of the 'Kardashians,' and, yet, somehow, we've managed to keep our place.

Perhaps this month's visits with the Prime Minister of Armenia and the mayor of Jerusalem have kept our desire to rise above our class at bay. This week's episode is aptly called “Special Delivery," because Kourtney gives birth to American royalty, naming her daughter Reign. Unlike when Kourtney physically yanked Mason out of herself, we don't get to see the regal birth on camera, though we do get to see some of Bruce's Republican roots come out because the staff around one of their castles is now exercising their 2^nd amendment rights.

Here are five moments we knew we'd be Icarus if we tried to fly too close to this family:

1. When you see a piece of art, you have no experience as a supermodel and therefore aren't asked if you can identify any genitalia.

2. If you rebel against the standards for moms, you drink champagne on a school night, not ask the entire world to drink in a photo of you balancing champagne on your ass.

3. At 17, if you were pranked with 20 pizzas, one of the boxes didn't include a marriage proposal. At best, it included coupons for more pizza.

4. Your security system is a number pad, not an army.

5. Your mom is only concerned that someone will see her in her bathing suit, not the Internet gawking at her in her birthday suit.

Designer Mark Sturkenboom came up with the idea as a way to remember our departed loves by shoving them all up in there.

So much for "Rest in Peace."(via Mark Sturkenboom)

How many times have you looked at the urn on your mantlepiece and thought, "Ho hum?" If you're like most bereaved people, the answer is thousands. Sure, memorials like urns and wreaths are traditional, but they don't capture any of the personal spark of the person you've lost. They don't contain their scent, their essence, or their sexuality. And you can't have sex with them. But that's all about to change.

Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom's 21 Grams project is an all-in-one kit, intended to help widows remember intimate moments with their lost husbands (although it could certainly be used by LGBT individuals as well). A gold-plated brass key you wear around your neck opens a beautiful white box, containing mementos of your loved one.

The key is symbolic.(via Mark Sturkenboom)

See what I mean?(via Mark Sturkenboom)

Inside the box, a scent diffuser can spray some of your lover's favorite fragrance. A small tray in the bottom can contain a handkerchief or other personal item (also good for cleaning up). It even has a slot for your iPhone, so you can play "your song" while you enjoy the pièce de resistance:

Even death won't keep you apart.(via Mark Sturkenboom)

This hand-blown glass dildo contains a small gold-plated urn, which can hold up to 21 grams of your beloved's ashes. Sturkenboom chose the 21-gram capacity deliberately, inspired by early 20th century experiments which suggested that bodies lose 21 grams at the moment of death. The idea was that those 21 grams were the weight of a soul. Those experiments have largely been discredited, but you know what hasn't been discredited? The fact that this dildo is HOT.

Sturkenboom got the idea by striking up a friendship with a widow. He told Dezeen:

"I sometimes help an elderly lady with her groceries and she has an urn standing near the window with the remains of her husband. She always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn't reflect that at all."

I'm not sure if Sturkenboom intends to give that widow one of his boxes, but if he does, I bet he won't be helping her with her groceries anymore. She'll either be too horrified to want to see him again, or too busy having great sex with 21 grams of pure hot ashy husband.

Every box is handmade to order, and can be personalized. But really, it's a labor of love for Sturkenboom. He told Dezeen why it's so important to him:

"I tried to open a new window for the way we reminisce about someone and find a dialogue for these feelings people are struggling with when somebody passes. We live in a time where we are able to manipulate life, adjust the way that we look, where the possibilities are endless if it comes to body enhancements, but there is one thing we still cannot answer, the unavoidable passing of life. But I can sure try."

I can't wait to hear what adjectives Jony Ive invents for the brand-new sound his beloved doohickey makes in its Blendtec debut.

Apple devices and Will It Blend videos are both comfortingly constant features of our Internet era, but it's still exciting whenever a new one of either is released. Just like the Apple Watch was more exciting than the last few years of iPhone updates, blending it is the first time in years I've felt that childlike wonder of seeing a wholly new representation of the empty promise of consumer culture be pulverized into shiny, deadly dust.

As I remind people on almost every Will It Blend video, do not do this at home, even with a magic industrial blender. The smoke and dust created by pulverizig modern electronics are little cancer clouds, and you should avoid little cancer clouds.

He's encouraging us all to have pads and tampons, because you never know.

TO EVERY BOY THAT FOLLOWS ME AND CALLS HIMSELF A MAN OR SIMPLY A GOOD HUMAN BEING. Petition for all of us to start bringing a couple pads or tampons to school to help our girl friends. If you have a girlfriend or are friends with a girl, u should know that they do not always have tampons or pads on them, or that sometimes their period just hits them without notice and have a bit of a problem finding one. We should support them with this, after all, we don't have to go trough all they they do because of menstruation, so it's just logical that we help them. You should already know to give them your sweater and not question when they wrap it around their waist. So let's step it up a notch and help them out. IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOUR MOTHER, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, OR JUST WOMEN IN GENERAL I EXPECT FOR YOU TO FOLLOW ME ON THIS. To every girl that follows me. You are completely welcomed to ask me for a pad at any time without receiving a negative response or a dirty look. We should all help each other out like this so you don't have to thank me at all. #realmensupportwomen
A photo posted by Jose Garcia (@falloutbooty99) on Mar 20, 2015 at 11:26am PDT

Jose Garcia is a surprisingly sensitive teen boy who wants other guys around him to step up. He wrote on Instagram:

TO EVERY BOY THAT FOLLOWS ME AND CALLS HIMSELF A MAN OR SIMPLY A GOOD HUMAN BEING. Petition for all of us to start bringing a couple pads or tampons to school to help our girl friends. If you have a girlfriend or are friends with a girl, u should know that they do not always have tampons or pads on them, or that sometimes their period just hits them without notice and have a bit of a problem finding one. We should support them with this, after all, we don't have to go trough all they they do because of menstruation, so it's just logical that we help them. You should already know to give them your sweater and not question when they wrap it around their waist. So let's step it up a notch and help them out. IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOUR MOTHER, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, OR JUST WOMEN IN GENERAL I EXPECT FOR YOU TO FOLLOW ME ON THIS.
To every girl that follows me. You are completely welcomed to ask me for a pad at any time without receiving a negative response or a dirty look. We should all help each other out like this so you don't have to thank me at all. #realmensupportwomen

Pretty perceptive and considerate for a 15-year-old.

Hey, we've all been there. By we, I mean women. By women I mean perhaps the person who is typing this and was surprised by her period on the subway, heading to teach a class of undergrads, while wearing white pants. BUT I DIGRESS.

Garcia's post has gone viral and he is getting a lot of love, but also a lot of hate. Lots of men online can't seem to comprehend his message and are taking to name calling and nasty messages. He doesn't have time for the haters.

Walking away from all the hate lol, love all of u who agree, if u disagree with me, I respect ur opinion, just please don't be rude about it. Peace ✌️.

A photo posted by Jose Garcia (@falloutbooty99) on Apr 23, 2015 at 6:21pm PDT

"I, in fact, consider myself a feminist. I believe that there should be equality for everyone regardless of their sex, gender, skin color, race, religion, etc. so it would be nice to use this attention for something positive...I realize I can't help solve any of the big issues right now regarding women and/or men (rape, discrimination, slut shaming, unrealistic body standards, objectivism). Maybe with this hashtag I could help with other minor things."

Great. Let's all remember to put an extra pad in our purse for the ladies in our lives and SOME OF US will try to remember it for ourselves, too.

A very tolerant camera person filmed a dog forcing a pool through the door to their home.

Animals can teach you so much about persistence and determination. Gus wants his wading pool in the house. Gus is gonna GET his wading pool in the house.

Of course, to extend the metaphor, often by the time you've gotten the pool into the house there isn't any water left. So maybe either relax in the pool under the blazing sun or go inside and watch the game. Not both.

After a rat chewed off her front legs, Mrs. T the tortoise got a new lease on life with this crafty rig.

Tortoises are tenacious animals. They'll chase a dog, they'll chase a man, and they'll even chase their dreams after suffering a horrific injury. Which brings us to the inspiring story of Mrs. T.

Mrs. T is a tortoise from Pembroke, Wales. Her owner, Jude Ryder, put her in a garden shed to hibernate for the winter. She should have been safe there, but unfortunately, her son Dale's pet rat was too clever and found a way to break in. Once in there, it chewed Mrs. T's front legs off. Pretty gruesome.

Luckily, Dale is a mechanical engineer. When he realized Mrs. T's legs weren't salvageable, he got some tires from a model airplane, glued them to her shell, and gave her a new means of getting around. She can turn, move backwards and forwards, and generally exhibit all the agility you'd expect of a 90-year-old tortoise.

This shouldn't surprise anyone. Tortoises don't need their front legs. Even a bean sprout is enough to pull themselves around. This story should, however, be taken as a lesson: if you want your tortoise to hibernate in safety, put it in the fridge.

1. Volunteers Cleaning Up Baltimore In Preparation For More Rioting Later On

One of the few positive outcomes of yesterday's anger-fueled riots in Baltimore was the sight today of members of the community coming together to clean up the detritus from yesterday's anarchy. Volunteers met in the morning at North and Pennsylvania Avenues, where the rioting was heaviest, and began sweeping and shoveling up shattered glass and other broken materials, thus giving tonight's protesters a blank canvas.

Residents pitching in to clean up outside CVS, North and Pennsylvania! @cbsbaltimorepic.twitter.com/th8APiBnhz
— Ron Matz WJZ (@RonMatzWJZ) April 28, 2015

If only there were some sort of HBO show to explain how Baltimore didn't get this way overnight.
— Mike Levine (@bizmichael) April 28, 2015

2. Supreme Court Justices Divided On How Much Mental Gymnastics To Use In Justifying Gay Marriage Bans

As the U.S. Supreme Court begins hearing arguments for and against making same-sex marriage a constitutional right, the more conservative justices are each faced with the difficult personal decision of how deeply to bend their senses of reason and morality in order to defend an increasingly indefensible argument against equal rights.

As SCOTUS takes on gay marriage today, here's a look at which states allow same-sex marriage http://t.co/b5gqE60d29pic.twitter.com/CsVaRNqNco
— Mother Jones (@MotherJones) April 28, 2015

-Should we rule in favor of gay marriage? -I don't know. Wouldn't it be funny if every living person in 20 years considered us assholes?
— River Clegg (@RiverClegg) April 28, 2015

3. FHM Researchers Have Determined That Michelle Keegan Is The "Sexiest Women In The World"

After weeks spent collecting data, studying charts and crunching numbers, a team of anthropologists, biologists, statisticians and philosophers working for FHM have determined that English actress and model Michelle Keegan is the "sexiest" female specimen of the human race, narrowly beating out reality television star Kendall Jenner for the extremely prestigious distinction.

Our Sexiest Woman In The World 2015 is... the incredible @michkeegan! - http://t.co/un8m12yeaX#100Sexiestpic.twitter.com/96q5rikQEg
— FHM UK (@FHM) April 27, 2015

It's a tough call; Read FHM magazine and be able to deal with an attacking bear, or don't read it and be able to talk to real women. Hmmm...
— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) August 16, 2010

4. 'Avengers: Infinity War' To Film For An Eternity

Avengers: Age of Ultron goes into wide release across the United States this weekend, but scheduling plans are already in place for the next two-part episode in the series. Avengers: Infinity War, Parts 1 & 2 will shoot back to back over the course of nine whole months. That is assuming this one does okay enough at the box office.

5. Your Brain Evolved To Fully Understand How Much Dieting Blows

Your inability to not shove fist-fulls of hotdogs into your face every day is due to hunger-sensitive cells called AGRP neurons that reside in your brain and get mad at you when you deny them delicious junk food, according to scientists at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute. "We suspect that these neurons are a very old motivational system to force an animal to satisfy its physiological needs. Part of the motivation for seeking food is to shut these neurons off," one researcher explained.

If you don't eat everything in your house before Monday you can't possibly start a new healthy diet ok. Legally. This is a legal thing.
— Oh Susanna (@Just_Oh_Susanna) April 26, 2015

A peaceful protester demonstrated a top-notch Michael Jackson impersonation amid riots in Baltimore.

Michael Jackson question. Many ask where MJ music was coming from during protest. Answer. VIDEO #BaltimoreRiotspic.twitter.com/0z5yZGfXbN
— Shomari Stone (@shomaristone) April 28, 2015

Here is a positive, creative mind at work the streets of Baltimore at a time of violent unrest in response to the death of Freddie Gray. NBC reporter Shomari Stone captured the footage of Dimitri Reeves performing "Beat It" in the middle of an intersection.

Check out those moves! Check out the way his glittery belt reflects the police lights! Check out the authenticity of his white socks and black shoes! If only the police learned to mirror the harmony displayed by Reeves' white socks and black shoes.

As long as your mom lets you participate, dance is a great form of non-violent protest. It's better than pulling down your pants.

#GottaDoMe #MeBeingAHugeRacistDickNamedDonaldTrump

Yes, because the previous 43 white presidents really knew how to speak to the struggles of West Baltimore. (via this piece of shit)

I'm not a reporter, and I am not the person who can tell you what's really happening in Baltimore. I can tell you, however, that no matter what is going on there, Donald Trump is a bullshit person.

Now that the ineffective Baltimore Police have allowed the city to be destroyed, are the U.S. taxpayers expected to rebuild it (again)?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 28, 2015

Professionally, I understand: bullshit is Trump's meal ticket. This is too far, however. President Barack Obama is not the mayor of Baltimore. He is not from Baltimore. It also seems like the actual mayor of Baltimore has a lot on her plate right now, but again, I'm not a reporter.

The Mayor of Baltimore said she wanted to give the rioters "space to destroy" - another real genius!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 28, 2015

The most I've heard President Obama say about Baltimore is that he loves The Wire. Trump has probably never seen The Wire, but it's 100% about the utter tragedy of Baltimore's crime and corruption. Its creator David Simonfamously pleaded last night for rioters to go home. It is unmistakably a voice begging for peace and rationality.

President Obama, you have a big job to do. Go to Baltimore and bring both sides together. With proper leadership, it can be done! Do it.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 28, 2015

Is Trump implying that just by being important and black, Obama gives all African-Americans their marching orders? Yes, obviously.

Based on this tweet @Macys and @nbc should terminate ANY business dealings with hateful racist @realDonaldTrump. NOW. pic.twitter.com/ilYkfJ8sli
— Rick (@SauvignonRick) April 28, 2015

Why give him attention? Why respond at all? Because we all know that Donald Trump's exact sentiment is uttered by millions of people just like him (without the gold plating).

@realDonaldTrump you're an idiot. What would you do differently and what does being black have to do with it?
— Zachary Webb (@zachwwbb) April 28, 2015

Last night, with Fox News telling frightened viewers that it's 1968 all over again and assassinations and violence were poised to invade the suburbs and kill whitey, he just felt emboldened enough to say it as plainly as your constantly-on-unemployment-but-complains-about-welfare uncle does at Thanksgiving.

@realDonaldTrump where were you when the white "thugs" we're rioting and destroying things in kentucky, over a basketball game?
— hillary danks (@wsupcourt) April 28, 2015

Also, this man is running for president. He will never win, of course, or get the nomination, but one of America's two major parties regularly gives him speaking time next to their flagship candidates. He speaks to large audiences. This man influences minds. Tiny, tiny minds.

@realDonaldTrump I guess all the money in the world still doesn't substitute for common sense or tact. Too rich to be so ignorant......
— JeDesignsGraphx (@JeDesignsGraphx) April 28, 2015

In conclusion: I'm not saying Donald Trump is too dumb to use social media, but Donald Trump is too dumb to use social media.

Welcome to This Week in GOOP, where eye-rolling should be an Olympic sport.

Like most weeks, Gwynnie asked one of her chakra-reading, third-eye-having, aura-inducing pals to write a few words of inspiration. And while this piece has some lovely insights, it was written by a guy whose Twitter profile photo depicts him doing that hands-as-a-heart thing so I feel he is not to be trusted.

With that out of the way, we can skip right to the fashion portion of our program – because there's a lot to cover, my pretties.

Remember last week when Our Lady of GOOP issued the mortal threat about how culottes were “coming soon"? They've arrived courtesy of Tome, a new Australian label that Gwynnie says “turns out easy—but interesting—shapes that mix well with everything."

Like this bizarre shirt that's the fashion equivalent of the mullet – business in the front, but one helluva party in the back.

For $500 you'd think you could get both sides of a plain cotton button-down, but no. If this thing could talk it'd be all "by day I'm a respectable Wall Street trader, but get a few cocktails in me and HOLD ON BOYS I'll let you see my bra hooks!" before it passed out in a puddle of white wine and regret.

Tome also offers up this $1700 satin pleated dress, complete with a cape.

In the description, it says "we plan on giving this piece tons of play during wedding season." And I applaud that, because nothing makes a bride happier than someone who pulls focus from her and makes her guests ask "so who's the freak in the cape?"

Now let's talk about those culottes.

In addition to being featured as part of the Tome collection, they're also addressed in a separate article called How to Style: High-Concept Shorts & Pants, which (allegedly) shows you the best way to wear things like pleated shorts, "architectural" shorts, various types of pants and—yes—$600 culottes.

To be clear, my issue with culottes is not that they're hideous. They have a '70s-chic vibe that's very hot right now and GOOP styled them perfectly (when you go voluminous on the bottom, always go fitted on the top), so they're actually kind of cute here.

My worry is that much like an unvaccinated child whose mother thinks Jenny McCarthy is perfectly qualified to give medical advice, culottes will infect the entire fashion world.

Which means the thing we once successfully eradicated will be back and we'll have to deal with it again on a global scale. So just like in Contagion, Gwyneth Paltrow is once again patient zero in a possible worldwide pandemic. THANKS.

As always, Gwynnie, we're not worthy.

P.S. GOOP is doing a pop-up shop in Chicago through May 10. If you live in the area and happen to stop by, take a few photos (if it's allowed, of course) and get in touch.

1.

Nope.(via reddit)

Sex is a mysterious, beautiful, bizarre, disgusting thing, and nothing captures that better than these wide-eyed children's hilarious questions about it.

2.

They certainly can't accelerate.

3.

Then it's a school period.(via reddit)

4.

Someone's interested in training in the offseason.

5.

It's oddly encouraging that this kid doesn't know what "homo" is a slur for. (via reddit)

6.

"Unlike your biological father, no."(via reddit)

7.

I'm not even sure how to pronounce that.(via reddit)

8.

"finger blaster 9000."(via reddit)

9.

They fart all the time.

10.

Worth a shot.(via reddit)

11.

Like sex.

12.

"Also, why no tail?"(via reddit)

13.

Almost poetic.

14.

If you do enough yoga, maybe.(via reddit)

15.

Who says women can't have it all?

16.

"Two eyes, nose, little mouth. It's terrifying."(via reddit)

17.

Public schools can't even afford new metal dicks, they have to resort to wood.(via reddit)

18.

Pretty succinct, but so do boys.(via reddit)

Previous episode: Season 5, Episode 2 - "The House of Black and White."

See all recaps for Seasons 3-5 here.

(written by Johnny McNulty, Jake Currie, and Shira Danan; Designed by Cole Mitchell)

After Walmart shut down five stores, they sent this handout to the 2,200 laid-off employees.

Coping with betrayal.(OUR Walmart via Gawker)

In just the latest example of Walmart being shitty, the corporate behemoth closed five stores in four states earlier this month with no advance notice. The 2,200 affected employees were only given a few hours notice that they would be out of a job, with only a few lucky ones being allowed to transfer to other locations. Those five stores won't open for another six months.

Now, the people at OUR Walmart, a nonprofit advocacy group for Walmart employees that is part of UFCW, have provided this outrageous document to Gawker. Apparently, this deeply insulting handout was given to employees on the day they were laid off. The memo contains advice on "Coping With Transition," as in: the transition from having a terrible job to being out on your ass.

There are some great tips in here, including avoiding chocolate, seeking familiar surroundings, and getting help from a professional counselor. My personal favorite, though, is this: "Feel free to set boundaries with people who have not been helpful in the past." Like Walmart? When have they ever been helpful? How about setting a boundary with them by working literally anywhere else?

The Walton Family, who own Walmart, are well-known for their fun .001% antics, like giving almost no money to their own charitable foundation, and asking their employees to donate food to each other because they're not paid a living wage. So it's not like this story comes as a surprise.

Gawker's article points out a few other interesting points. The laid-off employees are being paid 60 days severance, so it's not like they'll have nothing. On the other hand, Walmart's explanation of the store closings is extremely suspicious. They say that the stores are being closed for plumbing repairs, but the odds of five stores simultaneously needing those repairs, and so suddenly as to provide no notice, are infinitesimal. It's more likely the stores were closed because of workers demanding better treatment, or some other secret reason the Waltons don't want anyone to know about.

If the uncertainty of that answer stresses you out, I have only one suggestion: don't eat chocolate.

Ice rocks the size of a dog's head falling from the sky are nature's way of telling you to go inside.

You should really have somebody take a look at that. (Via Live Storm Media YouTube)

Spencer Basoco and Lawrence McEwen are stormchasers, which is a bit of a misnomer since the activity isn't really about observing or following storms so much as it is getting caught inside of storms. Last weekend, they were following a storm outside of Stephenville, Texas, when the storm followed them and rained unholy hailfire onto their vehicle. This wasn't regular hail, this was gigantic, rock-like, end-of-the-world hail. The stormchasers described the hailstones alternately as "grapefruit" and "softball"-sized, depending on if you like your terrifying metaphors food- or sports-based.

Check out their harrowing first-person video of the hailstorm, and their search for cover:

A woman was fired from her job before it started because she wrote a Facebook post about hating her job.

Anybody hiring? (via CBS)

Kaitlyn Walls is a 27-year-old single mom living in The Colony, Texas, who was about to start a job at a local daycare. She made the unfortunate decision to share the following status on her public Facebook profile:

"I start my new job today but I absolutely hate working at daycares."

As well as this follow up:

"Lol its all good I just really hate being around a lot of kids."

Nooooooooooooo! Why would someone write that? Is this what people post on Facebook now? I stopped using Facebook when my mom joined (sorry Mom). Needless to say, the daycare company saw Walls's posts and terminated her employment before it officially started.

Walls also received some pretty awful backlash on Facebook, including being called "dumb b**ch" and a strange accusation that she has the "bubonic plague." Wow, I really don't understand Facebook anymore.

Walls explains she was "venting" and said “I'm not going to post anything like it ever. No matter how I feel.” YES. I AGREE. PLEASE DO THIS.

Ok, let's all say it together now, "I solemnly swear not to post anything incriminating on social media no matter how much I need the attention."

I feel bad for this woman. Watch the news clip here.