Up until last Friday, Della Curry was the kitchen manager at Dakota Valley Elementary School in Aurora, Colorado.

That's when Cherry Creek School District got wind that she gave free lunch to kids who couldn't afford lunch. What a monster.

“I had a first grader in front of me, crying, because she doesn't have enough money for lunch. Yes I gave her a lunch." Curry sold CBS Denver. However, this isn't an isolated incident or a one-time thing. Curry says she's paid to feed kids out of her pocket countless times. She's an unrepentant criminal!

The smug face of pure evil. (Via YouTube)

If you're wondering why these kids weren't on a free or reduced-lunch program, well, that's complicated. To qualify for free lunch, a kid's family has to earn less than $31,000, and for reduced lunch, $45,000. Curry says the kids she hooked up with free lunch come from families that just barely make too much money to qualify for those programs, but for whom there isn't any leftover cash for school lunch. Still, at Cherry Creek those kids can get, free of charge, a hamburger bun with a slice of cheese on it and a carton of milk. Curry ignored that rule, finding that to be insufficient nutrition for a human, and gave them the full lunch.

Cherry Creek released a statement, saying that “anyone who has ever been terminated has violated some kind of written policy." Curry's retort: “I'll own that I broke the law. The law needs to change."

After staying late to play basketball, Sarah Silverman has to walk to her car alone. It seems like a joke, but it's not.

Like most women, Sarah Silverman is forced to think about rape a lot.(via @SarahKSilverman)

In March, Sarah Silverman tweeted this list for rape prevention tips and caused something of an uproar. A lot of people reading them didn't seem to understand that they're satirical, mimicking the advice women receive for how they can "prevent rape," as though they're the ones responsible for their own assaults. Now the same "helpful" advice is directed at people considering rape, with some advice on how to prevent it. The list reads:

Don't put drugs in women's drinks.

When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don't rape her.

When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

Never creep into a woman's home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

Don't forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don't pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don't communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

Anyway, despite the backlash from dummies everywhere, Silverman continues to be outspoken on gender issues. And she's still talking about rape, in her own weird, dark-humored way. Last night she posted a video of herself walking to her car after a late basketball game.

Even though she's having a laugh at herself for being nervous, the truth is, why wouldn't she be? Almost every woman has been there, trying to get home late at night, to her doorway, or car, caught up in thoughts about what they would do if they were attacked. It's pretty exhausting to make plans sometimes, thinking about how you'll get home alone. If you are attacked, people will ask what you were even doing out. Because just by being out in the world you have forfeited your right to safety from sexual assault. So, haha, I guess?

I'm not a relationship expert, but I'm guessing there were some red flags prior to the moment when this guy proposed by putting a ring in a McDonald's hamburger bun.

Here are some important statistics that this couple achieved during this marriage proposal:

• Number of times person being proposed to says "no": 5
• Number of times person being proposed to says "I can't" or "I can't marry you": 8
• Seconds between finding ring and breaking down into full on sobs: 55
• Length of time couple going to wait before getting engaged, according to boyfriend's YouTube video description: "longer"

I think we can all agree with the girlfriend in this video when she says, "This is not what you do."

At Camp No Counselors, you can relive your treasured childhood memories, just like you do the rest of the year.

Southwoods Camp, a summer camp destination for children, plays host to Camp No Counselors, a pre-season adult summer camp weekend. TimeOut New York sent a reporter to cover the three-day Freudian festival of regression.

You can still get drunk during the day, wear the same clothes as everyone else, and be surrounded by total strangers. But this weekend, it'll be in the woods. (via Camp No Counselors)

Camp No Counselors begins like any other NYC-based getaway, with a four-hour booze cruise. Like a Saturday evening Long Island Railroad train, the passengers pound beers and Jell-O shots on a transit bus headed to Paradox, NY. Get to know your fellow campers, but don't ask what they do for a living! It's a rule at Camp No Counselors that you aren't allowed to start a conversation with "What do you do?" Discussing your career is something adults bond over. Yuck!

After you arrive, one of the great features of the camp is the lack of Wi-Fi and cellular reception. Can you believe it? A place where you don't have to answer work e-mails or watch your struggling actor friends bitch on Twitter? Has Xanadu come to our earthly plane? Will I ever grace the halls of this Shangri-La?!

"I can't wait to tell my therapist about this!"(via Camp No Counselors)

Alright, I am being a little unfair. In truth, I never went to summer camp as a kid, because I was outdoors enough as it was. I also don't have a problem not checking my phone, especially when I've paid a bunch of money to leave New York City's confines to experience fresh air, the noise of wind blowing through leaves, and the smell of a freshwater lake. When you're surrounded by complete stillness and relaxing sensations for all senses, why would you ever want to reach for a source of constant aggravation like a cell phone? That would take will power, I suppose, another trait of functioning adults.

The camp activities at Camp No Counselors are typical of the standard children's camp experience—color wars, arts and crafts, camp fires. There's also booze. It sounds like a Flaming Lips concert without the Flaming Lips performing.

No counselors! But, seriously, counselors. (via Instagram)

Young professionals from all over the country convene on Camp No Counselors for an unforgettable weekend of turning strangers into friends. I feel a tinge of jealousy for not only the sweet weekend trip to go drink in the woods, but also the memories that are trying to be recaptured.

Ultimately, I think it's the fatal flaw of people my age. Millennials bitch and moan that they aren't being taken seriously even as they enter their 30s, but then they spend the money they've scraped together to make friendship bracelets at a summer camp. Optics, guys, optics.

1. Sepp Blatter Relieves Himself From FIFA

Sepp Blatter has announced that he is resigning as President of FIFA after 17 years on the job. It is assumed that this comes in response to a mounting investigation from the FBI for possible incidents of corruption, though it's always possible that the 79-year-old man simply wants to spend more time collecting bribes from his family.

#SeppBlatter receives standing ovation from 400 #Fifa employees. Because he'd stolen their chairs.

— Hayden Black (@haydenblack) June 3, 2015

2. Mike Huckabee Laments The Fact That He's Not Transgender

Mike Huckabee is coming under fire from the media this week for a joke her made about transgender people back in February. "I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE," Huckabee told an audience at the National Religious Broadcasters Convention in Nashville, Tennessee. "I'm pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, 'Coach, I think I'd rather shower with the girls today.'" You see that? Thoughtless, creepy and intolerant all in one comment. That's how you win a GOP primary.

Mike Huckabee sure is doing a great job courting molester-defending, transphobic, straight-up creepy voters.

— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) June 2, 2015

Entourage 2: Godzilla v. The Entourage

— Adam (@MassageByTed) June 2, 2015

3. Japan's Biggest, Greenest, Scaliest Resident Is Finally A Citizen

Enormous fire-breathing reptile Godzilla has been made an honorary citizen of Japan, thanks to his years of tireless work trampling the buildings of Tokyo. “Godzilla is a character that is the pride of Japan,” Mayor Kenichi Yoshizumi of the Shinjuku ward of Tokyo explained. To put it into terms that Americans can understand, he's sort of like Bill O'Reilly: a destructive, dinosaur-like created that we kind of like for some reason.

Godzilla Is Now an ‘Official’ Citizen of Japan: A special residency certificate for Godzilla has been trending... http://t.co/SQZtIREDRQ

— Kamal Faridi (@kamaluf) June 3, 2015

4. George Zimmerman's Defense Is Standing Its Ground On The Other Foot Now

Matthew Apperson—the man who is on trial for shooting George Zimmerman in the face—will use Florida's Stand Your Ground defense. This is the legal tactic that Zimmerman himself made famous when he stood trial for the shooting death of Trayvon Martin in 2012. Though, it should be noted that Zimmerman was not wearing a hoodie when the incident occurred, so that might be a factor.

"We Won't Need Stand Your Ground Laws When Humans Can Fly" By Charlton P. Biggs, Hoverboard salesman

— Sarah Burton (@NotRubHarass) June 3, 2015

5. Disney Remaking 'Night On Bald Mountain' Sequence, Probably Spinning It Out Into An Shared Universe Series

Disney studios has announced that it is adapting the iconic "Night on Bald Mountain" animated sequence from 1940's Fantasiainto a full-length live action movie. Here's hoping they get Patrick Stewart to play the mountain.

I'm gonna buy an ice cream truck, drive it around blasting ˝Night on Bald Mountain,˝ and award scholarships to kids w/ the balls to step up.

— Peter Waldron (@pjwaldron) June 1, 2012

This video shows the rapper going after a referee at a celebrity basketball game against gun violence.

Oh Weezy. You're too much. You couldn't stop being you if you wanted to. And if there was a time you wanted to, it probably was at Sunday's "Put Down the Pistol" charity basketball game at St. Louis University.

Lil Wayne's Young Blood team was going up against a team coached by the event's promoter, ironically-named St. Louis rapper Loose Cannon Slim. During the game, Wayne became convinced that a referee was blowing calls, and ultimately got so mad that he forgot the reason he was there (ending violence) and got in the ref's grill. The 32-year-old rapper spat in the man's face, and that's when a full-scale brawl erupted.

TMZ reports that police were called to the scene, but no one was arrested. Let's hope Lil Wayne learned his lesson. It has to be embarrassing for him to look like the unstable one at an event hosted by a guy named "Loose Cannon."

Don't want to tell anyone how to live, but this just seems like too many flying, stinging insects to lock in with you while you're driving!

I've counted over a hundred already. (via Montana Highway Patrol)

The Montana Highway Patrol received a dispatch that someone was driving wildly all over the road. The driver was located and pulled over and the reason he may have been distracted was discovered. No, he wasn't texting or doing his hair in the rearview mirror. He was transporting five honeybee hives, each containing thousands of bees.

Does this cardboard M&M's box look regulation?(via Montana Highway Patrol)

The man claimed they were "Russian Honeybees" and totally harmless. A state apiarist was called and they informed the troopers that though it's very unsafe, it's not technically illegal to drive through Montana with a car full of bees. Open container laws apply only to alcohol.

Well, I guess it makes sense that there are no laws on the books about this, because why would anyone ever in a million years attempt to do it? This innovator only got a citation for careless driving and continued merrily on his way, destination unknown.

Is Hillary Clinton pretending to be cool a necessary evil?

Yaaas, indeed. http://t.co/lclMOKwjZ8pic.twitter.com/wS1nlT7awE
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) June 2, 2015

Last night, the probable Democratic presidential candidate for 2016 tweeted the phrase "Yaaas, indeed." The tweet included a photo of a woman wearing a t-shirt with an old picture of Clinton's face on it and the phrase "Yaaas, Hillary!" You can purchase that t-shirt here or just cry softly at your desk for a moment.

Okay, leaving aside my complicated feelings about Hillary Clinton (could be the first female president, another f***ing Clinton), I'm just not sure how I feel about her new "I'm the cool grandma and I also think my pantsuits are humorous" persona.

On the one hand, I feel like this guy:

@HillaryClinton whoever's the publicist for this campaign, they're fantastic
— gunita¨̮⠀ (@gunita_rahman) June 2, 2015

But on the other hand, I feel like this guy:

@HillaryClinton NO
— jake (@LIGHTFRANTA) June 2, 2015

Can't Hillary Clinton be lovable as the calculating, totally square, but also smart and dedicated candidate that she is? I mean, obviously, the answer is:

But let me dream.

A man in Pennsylvania pretended to be a state trooper, but was drunker than the people he was pulling over.

(via Thinsktock)

In Somerset, Pennsylvania, a 19-year-old man set up a fake drunk-driving checkpoint and pretended to be a state trooper. The fake cop had set up a standard DUI checkpoint—parking his car diagonally in the middle of the road and setting out road flares.

Somehow, actual state police got wind of a drunk 19-year-old pretending to be a cop at four in the morning. When troopers arrived on the scene, the fake cop had pulled over a motorist. He was demanding to see a driver's license, vehicle registration, and proof of insurance when he was confronted by authorities. The driver claims the drunk "cop" handed him a BB gun, claiming "I can't get caught with this."

Even after escaping the pellet gun possession charge, the super-drunk trooper was arrested on the charges of drunken driving, impersonating a public servant and unlawful restraint.

Chloë Cross was always getting busted for dress code violations and her yearbook quote is the perfect send-off.

Bye!

A photo posted by Chloë Niccole (@chloe_niccole) on May 19, 2015 at 10:32am PDT

Buh-bye! Often when we write about how dress code violations are generally sexist and full of double standards, there is a lot of, "She knew the rules!" in response, as though the fact that a rule exists is what gives it legitimacy. No rule was ever overturned or deemed unconstitutional or immoral or outdated, ever, so to hell with anyone who criticizes one!

Chloë Cross's yearbook quote is she isn't saying she didn't break the rules. She's saying the administration was right: her midriff probably did keep scores of young men from concentrating on their education, resulting in drop-out levels never before seen at San Mateo High. It's all her fault!!!! The quote reads:

I would just like to apologize to those who were unable to graduate with the class of 2015 because they were too distracted by my midriff and consequently failed all of their classes! xoxo

It's funny, but Cross told Yahoo News that the message was serious:

I got the idea for the quote from the bizarre rationalization that administrators use when punishing girls for violating dress code, which is that they are being "distracting" and making it "hard for others to learn." ... Nobody from my class would be going to college if bodies were as distracting as the administration makes them out to be... Why shouldn't I have said something that makes people think about why they blame girls for distracting boys instead of boys for lacking the self control to remain on task?

On Cross' Instagram there are other examples of her sly sense of humor about her clothing choices:

I feel like this is an appropriate throwback with all the recent goings on etc etc photo by @juliahans A photo posted by Chloë Niccole (@chloe_niccole) on Jun 2, 2015 at 2:59pm PDT

Frustration with dress codes for young women is rising and it's not surprising. Girls are tired of being told they're keeping boys from getting an education when they're the ones being sent home from school over hemlines.

Related: The definitive guide for young women trying to observe school dress codes.

The punk cover of "Shake It Off" is something I didn't know I wanted until I had it.

New Jersey band Screaming Females covered the Taylor Swift song, and I actually like it better than the regular version.

This brings me to my next point. What if we replaced all genres of music with just Taylor Swift songs? All musicians would play songs off her albums, and we would get a variation of each track in all the different styles. Imagine all the versions of "Bad Blood!" It's just something to think about. But I think some artists might be into it:

"I'm officially obsessed, she might want to get a restraining order" - Dave Grohl is a @taylorswift13 fan too guys!https://t.co/aaP4iwPfJ5

— BBC Radio 1 (@BBCR1) May 24, 2015

This mother was approached in a grocery store by a bodybuilder who was looking for a very particular supplement.

She had no idea the secret to the perfect workout was right in front of her.
(via KOMO News)

Breastfeeding mothers are used to being approached in public, but it's usually by people who want to give them a hard time about it. For Rebecca, it was from a man with a proposal – a weird one. She was grocery shopping with her daughter when a stranger came up to her and sheepishly asked if he could buy her breastmilk. You would probably assume what I assumed: that the man was a pervert. But it turns out it was much worse.

He was a bodybuilder and an adherent of CrossFit, a popular fitness program/company/philosophy/sport/cult. It turns out, some members of the CrossFit community have become enamored with breastmilk as a supplement, drinking it while they carb-load before workouts. They post classified ads on women's breastfeeding messageboards offering money for milk, and now it seems they've taken to asking random women in public.

At first thought, there's a twisted logic to the idea: who puts on mass faster than a baby? But the science doesn't back it up. Joanne Ransom, the Clinical Director of the Northwest Mothers Milk Bank, told KOMO news, "Human breast milk is designed for human infants." The medical benefits it provides to babies do not extend to fully-grown musclemen, and what's more, that milk is desperately needed by mothers who are unable to breastfeed. If mothers want to give their milk to anyone, she says, "I think they should consider where the greatest need is and that is in the preterm and newborn population."

As for the online ads, that's even worse. Without regulation by a government agency, there's no way of knowing if that milk is infected by any diseases the mother might be suffering from. That being said, any man who caught a disease by drinking breastmilk wouldn't be the first bodybuilder to suffer medical complications from his desire to bulk up. Most bodybuilders are normal, reasonable people, but a few take it much too far. It's when the desire to be huge becomes a compulsion that they put themselves in danger. What's more, they put the rest of us in danger of being seriously creeped out.

Here's KOMO's full story:

Are you better at dating now than you were as a teenager? The answer is no, not at all.

The future of dating is bright bleak.(via ThinkStock)

I always thought life would get better when I grew up. I'd be more mature, make better decisions, and be able to speak my mind. As a teenager, I remember dating being painfully difficult, and I couldn't wait to grow up and experience the sophisticated interactions of the Adult Dating World. Now that I'm (semi) all grown up, I've found that dating is exactly the same as it was when I was in 9th grade, back in 1999. Here is scientific proof based on extensive research completed inside my own brain.

Initial Contact

I like you, do you like me? Do you LIKE like me?

9th Grade: Ask your friends to ask his friends if he liked hanging out at the mall last week.
Today: Ask your friends to ask her friends if she liked meeting you at the party last week.

Non-Verbal Communication:

tEEnaGe DrEEmZ.(via Twitter)

9th Grade: That nervous feeling you get when the other person stops chatting suddenly, but AIM has informed you the user has entered text.
Today: You're filled with dread as you stare at three pulsing dots in iMessage.

Phone Calls:

Wait, how do I use this to make a call?

9th Grade: You're nervous to call because you're giddy with excitement.
Today: You're nervous to call because they'll assume you've been involved in some kind of emergency because nobody uses the phone anymore.

Chance Encounters:

Totally didn't know this was your locker.

9th Grade: You hope to run into her in the hall because you know exactly where every single one of her classes are.
Today: You hope to run into him on the street because your new favorite bar just happens to be in his neighborhood.

Past Relationships:

So. Many. Bikini. Selfies.

9th Grade: You compare yourself to his last girlfriend.
Today: You compare yourself to his last girlfriend's 2,000 Facebook photos.

One Night Stands:

Sorry, didn't know we were "official."

9th Grade: You made out behind the movie theater after seeing The Matrix and thought you might be dating but then you see her slow dancing with another guy at the spring formal.
Today: You slept together and thought you really made a connection but when you go to his birthday party he's holding hands with someone else.

Meeting the Parents:

9th Grade: Her parent's house smells weird and her dad doesn't like you.
Today: His parent's house smells weird and his mom doesn't like you.

Anniversaries/Special Occasions:

Please don't tell me you got flowers again.

9th Grade: You have no idea what give the other person.
Today: You have no idea what to give the other person.

Break-ups:

Uh yeah, we are over.(via Twitter)

9th Grade: You complain to your BFF about how much you want to end the relationship, followed by complaining to your BFF about how much you miss them once you break up.
Today: You complain to your therapist AND your BFF.

Post break-up:

I hope my profile pic communicates that I'm over you.(via Twitter)

9th Grade: You still have to see them in Spanish class.
Today: You run into them on Tinder.

Leave it to Seth MacFarlane to make trans jokes before anyone can get mad at him.

Uproxx has discovered this clip from a 2009 episode of Family Guy where Stewie jokes that then-Bruce Jenner is actually "an elegant Dutch woman" who birthed Brody Jenner.

It's not necessarily a lucky guess on the part of the tank of manatees that write for Family Guy. Rumors and jokes about now-Caitlyn Jenner's transition were circling at the time. Caitlyn Jenner had undergone plastic surgery. MacFarlane and company were just jumping on the trans-joke bandwagon before it was uncool to be on it. But at least we got a really big belly-laugh out of that clip, huh? Right? I mean, it's such a funny idea that Bruce Jenner could actually be a woman instead of a man! Even after winning all those Olympic gold medals! So funny, that baby.

Except Jenner's perceived femininity was also used as a punchline in FOX's original offensive family sitcom Married... With Children. Marcy, the Bundy family's next door neighbor, was often ridiculed for looking like Bruce Jenner. Uproxx points us to this clip from an episode about carrying the Olympic torch:

I'm sure in the coming years, there are going to be a lot of articles like this one, pointing to clips from Family Guy that feature "jokes" that reveal themselves to be hateful, phobic comments disguised as humor in light of today's context. Maybe that's what happens when you write to shock instead of trying to entertain. The shock wears off, and all you are left with is a legacy of a dog and a baby spewing hateful comments at each other.

In the first teaser for his upcoming late night show, Colbert got his face ready for TV.

Oh Stephen, how we've missed you. It seems like an eternity since The Colbert Report went off the air in December, even moreso when you look at its former host with his majestic white Colbeard.

There are still three months to go until the debut of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, but CBS is already getting the hype train rolling with this brand-new teaser video. And seeing Stephen's clean-shaven jawline again has us more excited than ever.

He also launched a brand new iOS app called "Colbr" featuring exculsive content. What a day to be a citizen of the Colbert Nation!

Thanks to a microchip, Lola the Boston Terrier was just reunited with her family in Florida after seven years of being apart.

Hey guys! I'm back! I gotta tell you about all the butts I sniffed while I was gone!(via CBS)

Get ready to cry tears of pure happiness. This heartwarming pet reunion is the news story equivalent of a pile of warm, clean laundry coming to life and giving you a hug. Seven years ago, Julie Arango's Boston Terrier puppy Lola dug a hole under the fence and escaped from their yard in Homestead, Florida. Arango said she and her daughter, Celina, searched for Lola for months with no luck. Even the microchip didn't help bring her home. The Arangos were heartbroken.

Fast forward seven years, when Arango received a phone call from a veterinary clinic in Ft. Lauderdale who told her they had Lola. She couldn't believe it! The vet explained that Lola had been in a loving home for the past seven years, but the owner needed to give her away and posted an ad on Craiglist. Linda Gall answered the Craigslist ad to adopt Lola, and when Gall took the dog to the vet, they discovered the microchip. Ah, yes! The microchip! Technology saves the day! Thanks again for everything, technology, you're always there for us when we need you most.

Oh Lola! You're back!(via CBS)

Julie and Celina Arango are now reunited with their lost lost puppy, and want to pick up right where they left off. Oh, and just in case this story wasn't the most uplifting thing you've read all day, today is Celina's birthday! And she's going to bring Lola with her to college in the fall!

Lola and Celina, making me tear up.(via CBS)

I want to go adopt a hundred adorable dogs and live the rest of my life giving them love and finding out if they have undiscovered microchips so we can have more beautiful reunion stories like this one.

There is something deeply, primally satisfying about owning a home and providing shelter for those we love.

But once we have those houses, we humans also apparently have a deep-seated drive to "improve" them, by which I mean "totally screw them up by trying to make repairs ourselves." It's time for most of us to admit that we don't know what we're doing when it comes to home repairs, or else all of our lovely houses will end up looking like the homes in this post.

1.

This toilet is a notch above the rest. (via Yahoo!)

2.

If you don't, my dog will get out. WAIT, WHERE IS MY DOG?! (via recRealtor)

3.

Just a hairdryer shy of a proper repair.

4.

I think I'll just knock. Or run away. Yeah, I'm gonna go with run away. (via Distractify)

5.

It's our fun way of saying "mom, you can move in with us, but we never want you to leave your room." (via Awesome Inventions)

6.

Natty Water. (via The Chive)

7.

For the homeowner who loves DIY repairs, but hates living. (via Yahoo!)

8.

It was "bring your guy who knows nothing about demolition to the demolition site" day.

9.

And from that point on, nobody in the family ever used silverware again. Around town, they were called the "No Silverware Winooskis." (via recRealtor)

10.

A photo posted by Mr. Handyman (@mrhandyman) on Sep 21, 2014 at 9:26am PDT

This DIY fan is on the up-and-up, by which I mean it's up on the ceiling.

11.

The inspiration for my rap name, Crouch 2 Crap. (via Awesome Inventions)

12.

The tree had been waiting for years to do that; he just needed a little help.

13.

I'm only electrocuted when it rains. (via Wonderful Engineering)

14.

The best part is the man making the video turning around the camera to give "shame on you" eyes.