Why does this worm have another entire worm coming out of its face and/or butt?!

Fresh off the conveyor belt of your local nightmare factory, here's a worm that exists as a reminder that all horror movie premises originate from real-life experiences. Don't let its fun-in-a-gross-way, neon green, Gak-esque body fool you, this worm's tongue will haunt your thoughts, both asleep and awake.

According to The Independent, this bright blob is a Ribbon Worm, and the slimy pink tendril shooting out of it is called a proboscis, which it uses to paralyze prey before eating it. Oh cool, it's exactly as terrifying as it looks!

The video was supposedly taken on a fishing trip in Taiwan and uploaded to Facebook by Wei Cheng Jian. Although I know worms like this exist, I'm going to pretend this video was created by special effects artists in order to sleep at night.

If only all nature videos could end like this.

I don't mean to offend anybody who has hippopotami in their family or is really good friends with a hippopotamus, but I would be remiss of I failed to point out that the species H. amphibius kind of has a reputation for being dicks. They're widely considered to be one of the most dangerous and aggressive animals in Africa, supposedly killing dozens of people every year. In fact, one dude got swallowed whole by one of these guys a few years back.

So, when you hear a story begin with "There was this adorable little duckling who got stuck in a wading pool with a couple of enormous hippos," your first instinct is probably going to be bracing yourself for a hard tale of the cruelty of nature. Luckily, that's not the case here. Which is nice for a couple reasons: It's too early in the week for me to deal with that kind of reality, and my editors probably wouldn't have let me post a video of a baby duck being dismembered.

"Hi, I'm Jorah Mormont and I'd like to talk to you about Grey Valtrex."

As Episode 9 made abundantly clear, people are going to die in Game of Thrones whether you want them to or not. As someone who has watched and written about the show extensively, here are my predictions for who will make the Thin Man slightly less hungry when the season concludes this Sunday. (I have listened to A Song of Ice and Fire on audiobook, but it was a long time ago and the show has caught up, so I have no clue what will happen. Nevertheless, spoiler alerts and a general alert for anyone who will be angry if I am either right or wrong. Just...be on alert in general, I guess.)

Related: 'Game of Thrones' showrunners explain why they did that very bad thing they did last night.

I've also included the lines of dialogue I would like to hear them say right before they die. I think these are less likely, but I hope you agree they would be satisfying to hear.

1. Ser Meryn "Too Old" Trant.

Likelihood: Definitely, Absolutely Gonna Die.

2. Jon "Who Knows Nothing Now, Assholes?" Snow

Likelihood: Gonna happen unless someone gives Ollie grief counseling ASAP.

3. Ser Jorah "I Don't Let Greyscale Stop Me From Having An Active Deathstyle" Mormont

Likelihood: No Specific Reason Why It Will Be This Episode, But Gotta Happen Soon

4a. Tie: Stannis "I've Made A Huge Mistake" Baratheon

Likelihood: Would Be Nice, So Probably Won't Happen

4b. Tie: Ramsay "Has The Best Father-Child Relationship On The Show" Bolton

Likelihood: Would Be Nice, So Probably Won't Happen

5. Mace "Singing Is Sadly My Greatest Talent" Tyrell

Likelihood: I'm Just Honestly Not Sure How He's Survived This Long

5. 'Back to the Future' fans, because Neil deGrasse Tyson said we'll never have hoverboards.

The scene that doomed an entire generation to crushing disappointment.(via YouTube)

If you haven't looked at the Internet in the last 5 years, you might not know that 2015 is the year of "the future" in Back to the Future Part II. Everyone has become obsessed with comparing the meager technologies of reality with the ones predicted in the movie (self-lacing shoes, robot waiters, flying cars). But no example has been more scrutinized than Marty McFly's iconic hoverboard.

If you're one of the many people disappointed that you don't have your own flying skateboard, guess what: that feeling will never go away. America's favorite scientist/killjoy Neil deGrasse Tyson delivered the bad news to The Huffington Post:

"There are people working on it, and there are working versions of it, but hoverboards that cover everywhere? Where you would have taken a skateboard? I think that's unrealistic, and it requires a special under-surface to support it."

So, if you want to zip around like Marty McFly, you'd better have a sheet of pure nickel handy to float over. Otherwise, you'll be stuck on the ground, and Griff and his gang will catch you after all. Then you'll never be able to go to the Old West, because you'll be dead. —MN

4. A fortune teller who was arrested for bilking a client for $713,975.

"I see a future full of debt for you."(stock photo)

I never saw the appeal of going to a fortune teller. If I wanted to sit across a candlelit table from somebody blathering on about auras and astrology, I'd start dating again. I thought it sounded like a ripoff for $40, but it turns out that's a steal. One Brooklyn businessman got in too deep with a Times Square psychic, and wound up paying her more than $700,000.

In an effort to win the heart of a woman who wasn't interested in him, the man made multiple payments of $28,000 to 26-year-old medium Priscilla Kelly Delmaro, who said he was haunted by a malevolent spirit. He bought her a $40,064 diamond ring from Tiffany's that Delmaro promised him he would somedy use as an engagement ring. He bought a gold Rolex for $30,000 to use as a time machine to cleanse his past, and paid her $80,000 to buy a gold bridge to lure the spirit away. Then he paid her $90,000 for a second bridge.

It was only after the woman he loved died tragically and Delmaro promised to reincarnate her that the man became suspicious. He hired a private investigator, who went to the police. Delmaro and her companion, 27-year-old Bobby Evans, were arrested and charged with grand larceny. Too bad she didn't see that one coming. —MN

3. Filmmaker Uwe Boll, because nobody donated to his Kickstarter.

Uwe Boll—the German filmmaking auteur behind Blubberella, Assault on Wall Street and the upcoming Bigfoots vs Zombies—is filled with righteous indignation today, after his Kickstarter campaign to fund the final installment of his cinematic trilogy based upon the Rampage video game series failed to reach its $55,794 goal. "Basically my message is, f*** yourself," he told the world full of people who neglected him in his time of need, via a YouTube video. You see, it's that sort of eloquence that made him the beloved artist he is today. —DD

2. John Cusack, because people are mad at him for throwing shade at Obama.

Don't Say Anything.(Getty)

Hot on the heels of Vince Vaughn, John Cusack is joining the storied history of entertainers who talk about politics and then regret it immediately. The 48-year-old actor was talking to The Daily Beast about his new movie Love & Mercy when they asked him how he felt about George W. Bush having a higher approval rating than Barack Obama. Here's what he had to say:

Well, Obama has certainly extended and hardened the cement on a lot of Bush's post-9/11 Terror Inc. policies, so he's very similar to Bush in every way that way. His domestic policy is a bit different, but when you talk about drones, the American Empire, the NSA, civil liberties, attacks on journalism and whistleblowers, he's as bad or worse than Bush. He hasn't started as many wars, but he's extended the ones we had, and I don't even think Dick Cheney or Richard Nixon would say the president has the right to unilaterally decide whom he can kill around the world. On Tuesdays, the president can just decide whom he wants to kill, and you know, since 9/11 there are magic words like “terror," and if you use magic words, you can justify any power grab you want.

Of course, the only takeaway any media outlet had was "CUSACK THINKS OBAMA IS WORSE THAN BUSH." In liberal circles, that's like saying "Voldemort" – it's just not done. Cusack had only one response for all the misleading headlines.

the headlines are full of shit - https://t.co/07peDBENAh
— John Cusack (@johncusack) June 4, 2015

For his sake, let's hope he can set the record straight. No president likes to be compared to George W. Bush – not even George W. Bush. —MN

1. A guy who was arrested for repeatedly calling 911 to hit on the dispatcher.

"For the last time, being horny is not an emergency."(stock photo)

In our beauty-obsessed society, nobody gives enough credit to the seductive quality of an attractive voice. Nobody except 44-year-old Floridian Edward Garcia, who was so entranced by the voice of one 911 dispatcher that he called back twice, repeatedly asking her if she was single and repeatedly being disconnected. He bragged about his "big muscles," making such a nuisance of himself that police set out to arrest him.

They tracked his call to a campsite in Lake Griffin State Park, where they found him drinking beer in a tent. He was taken into custody, whereupon he told the arresting officer that he wanted to head butt him and kill him. He also spat on the officer through the cage in the patrol car. He's been charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and misuse of the 911 system. Maybe when he gets out, he should consult that crooked psychic. I have a feeling she could help him find The One. —MN

This behind-the-scenes video shows how actress Kelli O'Hara changed her wardrobe during last night's Tony Awards.

There's something magical about the theater, especially when it comes in the form of a 48-second YouTube video that you don't have to pay $150 to see.

All snark aside, this video does a good job of showing the pressure and precision involved in mounting a full-scale Broadway production. Kelli O'Hara, who won a Tony last night for her role in The King and I, had less than a minute to change her outfit during a montage of Rodgers and Hammerstein songs. With the help of a pit crew that would make NASCAR proud, she made it look easy. Meanwhile, I still never quite mastered tying my shoes.

Now they've got really, really, really bad blood.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Oct 27, 2014 at 8:19am PDT

Although it hasn't been released yet, Katy Perry registered a trademark for a new song called "1984," which people think might be a dig at Taylor Swift and her 1989 album.

As anyone who's been following world events for the past few years knows, the two pop stars have an ongoing rivalry. They have an ex in common (John Mayer), they've battled over back-up dancers, they've written songs (likely) about each other, and they've accused one another of mean girl tactics.

Watch out for the Regina George in sheep's clothing...

— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) September 9, 2014

And now the title of Perry's new song sounds a lot like the title of Swift's most recent album (and both are the years the singers were born). Could it be a scathing parody? And will it be as biting as Katy Perry's Superbowl swimwear?

Katy Perry's Super Bowl halftime show included a jab at Taylor Swift's bathing suit choices: http://t.co/d91YAOKmUdhttp://t.co/sR4GDTpHTG

— Betches (@betchesluvthis) February 3, 2015

Consume pizza and media at once.

Good news! You can take your 72-inch high definition television and throw it into the trash, because now there's a pizza box that can project a watery image of your favorite movie onto your dirty bedroom wall. The Blockbuster Pizza Box is finally here.

Somebody just invented a cardboard carrier that, once emptied, can be transformed into a semi-useful screening device. Just place your expensive smart phone into the grease-covered food vessel, plug in a lens and—viola!—you've got yourself a projector that would have impressed your parents' high school A.V. instructor.

Now, if someone could just invent some kind of coffee can that we can play our music through.

Jobs! You have to quit them sometime, because otherwise you'll die at them. Possibly soon!

The thought of dying by falling into your office trash can is funny because sometimes you really, really, really, really really wish it would happen. Ha! (via Thinkstock)

Have you been unhappy at your job? You're not alone. It turns out that unhappiness is a basic part of the human condition, and it will follow all of us for our entire lives, nipping at our heels like a shitty stray dog, no matter what jobs we have.

That said, sometimes having a different job can make your life slightly better. At the very least, the challenging time spent transitioning from one crappy job to the next crappy job can momentarily distract you from the hounds of depression that are wailing at your door. If you are interested in distracting yourself in this way, take a look at this list of signs that it's time to quit your job.

1. The company is going under.

Maybe the company has been losing money for years, maybe there's a sudden turn in the market, or maybe the board of directors decided to literally move the company underground, where you will be forced to live as a mole person. Whatever the reason, get out now before your skin becomes pallid, your eyes lose functionality, and your bones soften to the consistency of a medium-firm sheep's-milk cheese.

2. Your boss bought everyone stress balls.

Giving employees stress balls is a fun way to say "I know I overwork you, and I don't give a shit! So instead of letting you work less, I'm giving you a fuck-you toy that you can squeeze while chanting my name over and over again just like Arya chants the name of the people she's going to kill in Game of Thrones."

3. Your significant other, parents, doctor, mailman, dentist, neighbors within a 1/2 mile radius, people on your favorite subreddit, and people on your least-favorite subreddit want you to leave.

If your significant other, parents, doctor, mailman, dentist, neighbors within a 1/2 mile radius, people on your favorite subreddit, and people on your least-favorite subreddit want you to leave your job, it's probably a sign that you're complaining too much. Either that, or your job sounds great, and they want you to quit so they can apply for it. TRUST NO ONE.

4. Your boss acts like a prison guard.

Does your boss not trust you to make your own decisions, but instead micro-manages you and barks orders at you like your own personal prison guard? Then it's time to quit! One note, though: If your boss acts like a prison guard, you might actually be in prison. If that's the case, sorry, you can't quit. Frowny face!

5. Your boss has offered you a "great opportunity."

When a boss says they have a "great opportunity" for you, at best that means that they want to dupe you into doing more work for the same amount of money, claiming that you get "experience." At worst, they're trying to pressure you into investing into an AFL team. At least hold out for the NFL.

6. Your office starts keeping free soda in the fridge as a "perk."

Offering free soda says, "We're going to keep you late on a regular basis, but we're going to provide the thinnest illusion that we're providing for your needs by giving you unhealthy drinks. Now, please take a Coke and try to ignore the pervasive sense of sadness that echoes through every hallway."

7. Your office is dirty.

At best, it means that nobody in your office really cares about keeping the workspace clean. At worst it means that your coworkers are all golems, crafted out of mud and brought to life by spiritual magic. Either way, you're gonna have a pest problem.

8. You wake up every morning thinking about accidents you could get into that would keep you from going to work.

Wouldn't it be nice if 100 spiders brought 100 small banana peels into your shower, causing you to slip, fall, and miss work for a week? Yeah, that'd be great.

9. You're under the age of 30, so your boss just made you the head of social media...

...and he's making you use your real name, but posting things he wrote. Run away now, before he tries to connect September 11 to your company's product.

10. You're the boss.

If there's one thing we learned from this list, it's that bosses are awful people! LOL! If you're a boss, quit immediately. That should fix everything!

What's the deal with sensitive people? They demand sensitivity, but are sensitive if I call them sensitive!

Jerry Seinfeld weighed in on the fraught nature of outrage culture on college campuses, and how this is causing many comics to steer clear of the once-prized (and often lucrative) university circuit. Time was, college students would pay top dollar to see offensive stand-up acts come and provoke them, because there was no Internet and college campuses are often in relatively small towns. Now, according to Jerry Seinfeld, many comedians are reluctant to give a few thousand Twitter-savvy audience members the opportunity to seize on a bad or legitimately offensive joke and ruin their careers.

How dare Jerry Seinfeld attack the best and least annoying people on earth, college kids.
— Asterios Kokkinos (@asterios) June 8, 2015

Normally, this would be the point at which to buy a roundtrip ticket on the outrage train, but the only thing that seems to have miffed people is the way he threw his 14-year-old daughter under the generational bus:

My wife says to [my daughter], “In the next couple of years, I think maybe you're going to want to hang around the city more on the weekends so you can see boys." Y'know what my daughter says? She says, "That's sexist." They just want to use these words. 'That's racist, that's sexist, that's prejudice.' They don't even know what they're talking about.

Yes, that is what 14-year-olds do. This is, of course, a vast oversimplification of outrage culture, which got a lot of attention last week with the anonymous op-ed of a professor "terrified" of their liberal students. Also opening Jerry up to criticism are his previous statements where he denied that diversity is an issue in comedy.

Related: Jerry Seinfeld on diversity in comedy: "You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested."

Look how offended everyone is over Jerry Seinfeld saying everyone is so easily offended.
— Jackie Carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) June 8, 2015

Amazingly, the Internet proved to be crazy like a fox this time and didn't take the bait, wisely choosing to make fun of Jerry for being too old for college audiences, and for pointing out what his message has and always will be (and I'm not knocking it here):

Political Correctness is stifling Jerry Seinfeld's ability to say nothing.
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) June 8, 2015

Related: Jason Alexander finally revealed why this 'Seinfeld' character was killed off.

Wu-Tang Clan ain't nuthing ta Muppet.

There are approximately as many Muppets as there are members of the Wu-Tang Killa Beez hip-hop collective, which is to say more than you can possibly count. But, even with all those Muppets and Wu-Tang affiliates to sort through, it's remarkably obvious that there is a strong parallel between the crazy oddball at the front of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem and the weirdest weirdo behind the Wu-Tang Clan. Dr. Teeth is practically the Muppet manifestation of Ol' Dirty Bastard (rest his soul), and vice versa. (And, if I'm not mistaken, didn't Dr. Teeth change his name to Big Baby Jesus for a while back in the '90s?) That's why this fan-edit of ODB's "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" is so inspired.

And, just to shut down this argument before it even gets going, no, Cookie Monster is not the Muppet equivalent of Ol' Dirty Bastard. Bookie Monster is the Muppet equivalent of Tom Waits:

I have never had more respect for a child than I have for this child dancing to "Respect."

I have taken multiple dance classes, and I will never look this good. (via Facebook)

Despite what wallflowers may tell you, anyone can dance — but it takes something special to perform. And whatever that special thing is, this little girl, Johanna, has it. She has a lot of it, in fact. She has enough "it" that she could probably donate 75% of her "it" to others in need, and still be fierce as all get out up on stage.

Take a look:

In my fantasy, the person filming this is actually the parent of one of the other two girls, but they just couldn't resist capturing this wonderful little sass-pants.

This close-up video of frog eggs becoming tadpoles reminds us that life is a little bit gross, but mostly just engrossing.

Nipam H. Patel is a biology professor at UC Berkley, and his Vimeo page is full of mesmerizing biology videos. Like, for example, the frog eggs turning into tadpoles you see above. And the videos aren't just gorgeous, they're also informative. For example, I never knew that the egg-to-tadpole process included a step where the pre-tadpole becomes a very satisfied mouth (23 seconds in).

Patel also has this video of a leech embryo, which for coloring reasons I am calling "rave leech." I recommend you play some EDM underneath as you watch it spin:

There's another video of Patel's I love as well, this one of skate embryos. This one is just a straight-up video recording, not a time lapse or spinning neon-colored party-time embryo, but it is notable for two reasons:

1. Skate embryos are effing crazy looking.

2. The video description says "Thanks to Andrew Gillis for allowing me to film his embryos," which is really just a great sentence.

You can see more on Nipam Patel's Vimeo page.

Hurray for these Stephen Colbert promos!

Stephen Colbert is actually getting me excited about late night television again. His particular brand of self-effacing weirdness is so charming and fun and unexpected. First, we had that incredibly bizarre and hilarious "Colbeard" promo. Now, in the video above he writes his new theme song and wow! What a hit.

There's also a white board behind him with a list titled, "Show Needs," if you're wondering what to expect this fall. Here's what's on it:

1. Theme song
2. Things to say
3. More things to say
4. Refreshing sandwich
5. Harvest organs from clone
6. Bolo tie?
7. Kick oxy!
8. Get oxy!!

This list hints at a very exciting premiere season. My only argument with it is the question mark at the end of "bolo tie."

Disappointed with the fit of a top her daughter ordered on Amazon, a mom decided to leave a helpful review.

One size fits all? You could say the same thing about a handkerchief.(via Amazon)

Buying stuff online is the worst. You never really know what you're gonna get. Especially if the thing you ordered is called a "Lady Padded Bra Tops Bustier Cutout Vest Crop Top Bralette Tank Blouse." That's word soup. It could be anything.

The picture above does indicate that it should fit a human woman who has gone through puberty. But reviews indicate that actually this top labeled "one size fits all" is really, really small. Like, too small to wear.

Unless you find a way to hack it with pasties.(via Amazon)

Most of the reviews are good natured, since it was only 5 bucks. However, the review voted most helpful overall demonstrated very clearly why the top isn't functional enough for sale, at least by the standards it is advertised (human woman ready).

100 out of 101 ain't bad.(via Amazon)

The post reads:

“My 16 y.o. daughter bought this thing. It is ridiculously small and I probably couldn't legally post a picture of what it looks like if she attempts to wear it. But, so you can see… here is a picture of our cat wearing it. To be fair, it does cover all of the cats nipples, however, she hates the weave. In summary, do not buy this, even for your cat.”

Here's a close up of the amateur model:

She's "smizing."(via Amazon)

To be really fair, it's hard to tell when a cat likes something.

If you really love someone, you will rent out the entire Staples Center for their birthday party so they can play basketball with NBA players.

Kim rented out staples bitch!!! Him and his boys are going to ball!!!! Happy birthday Yeezy!!!!
A photo posted by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on Jun 8, 2015 at 2:23pm PDT

On Monday, Kanye West turned 38.

Not sure why Kanye & I are up so early but we're eating cereal & I'm showing him all of your sweet birthday messages!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 8, 2015

Happy Birthday 2my best friend in the entire world! U R the most amazing husband &dad! U inspire me every single day pic.twitter.com/XbsHW1RpFv
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 8, 2015

So Kim Kardashian planned a surprise party, then vaguebooked (uh, vaguetweeted?) about it.

Kanye's bday today is gonna be a major SWISH!!! I planned the craziest surprise! Will share later! Sooooo excited!!!!!!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) June 8, 2015

She blindfolded Kanye, but I wonder if anything really surprises him anymore.

Surprise!
A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 8, 2015 at 7:13pm PDT

Then he had the Staples Center all to himself, and got to play basketball along with a bunch of NBA players. But in return, they all get to rap on his next album. Just kidding, but I would listen to that.

WEST VS EAST
A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 8, 2015 at 6:52pm PDT

Thank you Staples Center for the most amazing birthday party for Kanye!
A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on Jun 8, 2015 at 6:54pm PDT

I'm not sure why Justin Bieber was invited. He seems like he wouldn't be fun to hang out with. But that's based entirely on those leaked videos of his deposition. Maybe he's great at parties.

#happybirthdaykanye #howlongyouball #allday #staplescenter #mvp #22points
A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on Jun 8, 2015 at 5:20pm PDT

I do understand how John Legend landed an invite. I can't think of anyone else who would be as amazing to sing you a personalized "Happy Birthday." (Well, Jenny Lewis would be cool.) (Or Justin Timberlake.) (Haim.) (I mean there are lots of cool options but he is definitely one of them.)

Happy Birthday To You...happy Birthday dear Kanye........love you @johnlegend #surpriseparty #staplescenter #johnlegend #family #NBAChampionshiptrophycake #yummy
A video posted by @krisjenner on Jun 8, 2015 at 5:23pm PDT

Shaq regretfully couldn't make it, but he sent his regards.

Part 1of shaq personal happy bday to YE

A video posted by TRACEY MILLS (@godsmessenger) on Jun 8, 2015 at 6:49pm PDT