You can win a date with Channing Tatum, or just keep loving him through the Internet as usual.

He's out of this world.(via Getty)

Channing Tatum went on Reddit to do an "Ask Me Anything" about what it's like being Channing Tatum. I've always felt like everything I need to know about Channing Tatum was pretty much summed through dance moves.

But he's actually a pretty funny, charming guy! And if you're interested in going on a date with an extremely attractive man who is also married and will never touch you: you can! He's auctioning off a date for charity that includes accompanying him to the Magic Mike XXL premiere. He did the "ask me anything" to promote the auction, the movie, and his magnificent self:

What's up, reddit. Chan here. With the premiere of Magic Mike XXL coming up in a few weeks, I thought I'd expose myself… to your questions.

On pooping in a blizzard:

It actually freezes before it hits the ground.

On his penis' nickname:

Gilbert.

On his fav sandwich fixings:

k get ready: it's very complicated.
bread, white. peanut butter, not crunchy, creamy. grape jelly, double portion, more than you think should actually fit on a piece of white bread. bread. and then some cheetos shoved in there, and then you're good to go.

On how many times is too many for watching "Step Up":

I guess you need to see it as many times as it takes you to realize how bad my acting is in it. And fast forward to the dancing parts after that.

On the possibility of full frontal in his upcoming movie:

haha "for a friend" I do not do full frontal but i can promise you when you're standing in front of a bunch of people in a very small thong it doesn't leave a lot to the imagination. Your "friend" should be happy.

On texting with Chris Pratt:

The last picture I took on my phone I was going into a meeting and there was a tv on the wall playing CNN and they were talking about Jurassic World shattering box office openings so I sent that to my buddy Pratt. I'm just really proud of him, happy for him. It also said something about southeast Texas weather pressure.
That's what I was really trying to tell Pratt, to make sure he was aware of a pressure front coming in.

Celebrities: they have boring conversations about the weather, just like us!

Knoxville resident Michelle Hall got married over the weekend, but her 4-year-old daughter Anderson had the wedding's best kiss.

Let's not jump to conclusions — maybe she saw some chocolate on his mouth.
(via Leah Bullard)

I like people who go out there and get what they want in life, so I like this 4-year-old flower girl, Anderson, who totally upstaged her mom at her wedding in Knoxville last weekend. According to photographer Leah Bullard, Anderson had been referring to herself as the bride all day, so when Bullard asked the bride and groom to kiss for a photo, Anderson did as she was told. The little ring bearer was not as thrilled, as evidenced by his, "I think you might be stealing my soul through my mouth" facial expression.

Also, this kid is a reality show waiting to happen, and not just because of this photo. She totally knows how to shock, awe, and intrigue, as evidenced by this news video about the image, where she says: "Guess what, you're not gonna believe this, Mickey Mouse is my son." I don't believe you, kid, but I would totally watch you spin that lie.

What should you get Dad for Father's Day? None of these dumb things.

"I hope it's better than that stupid shit you got me last year." (via Thinkstock)

Dads are eternally hard to shop for, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the inane collections of useless stuff that are Father's Day gift lists. Produced every year by every goddamn website, magazine, and newspaper, these gift lists bring together a stunning collection of items that say, "Dad, your children and wife know nothing about you, so here's something about golf or beer." Below are actual, real idiotic products that people took actual, real time to recommend you buy for your father.

1. Fancy-ass scented candle, recommended by 'Forbes.'

A thing of beauty is a joy forever, and thus this will never be a joy. (via Forbes)

This candle — or as Forbes insists on calling it, "mandle" — is $190. I did not miss a decimal point there. NOBODY SHOULD EVER OWN A $190 CANDLE. They have another recommendation on the list for a Ritz-Carlton spa package, and it COSTS LESS THAN THIS ONE CANDLE. The only reason anyone should ever pay this much for a candle is if, when you burn all of the wax off, you uncover a small scroll that reveals the cure for cancer.

2. 45-second omelet maker, recommended by Uncommon Goods.

I don't care how many positive reviews it has; it's dumb. (via Uncommon Goods)

This is perfect for the dad who loves omelets and DOESN'T HAVE FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES TO SPARE. He can keep it next to his sandwich press, quesadilla maker, rice cooker, egg boiler, and cupcake lollypop pan.

3. Leather six-pack carrier, recommended by 'Real Simple.'

Personalize it with Dad's initials so everyone knows what weirdo brought the beer in the leather carrier. (via Real Simple)

Have a dad who's not too good to drink beer, but is totally too good for the case the beer comes in? Finally, there's an $89 solution for the pretentious-ass man who gave you life! This is great paired with a conversation about why he thinks television is still so pedestrian, even though he's totally been rewatching Entourage.

4. Gentleman's liqueur truck, recommended by Haute Living.

Fancy booze is a-comin' into town, pa! (via Haute Living)

If your dad will only drink off of something that looks like it was made to carry a Lannister, allow us to recommend this $12,500 liqueur truck.

5. Heated socks, recommended by Sharper Image.

Plus they give your calves that "I have a battery box attached to my leg" look that all dads crave! (via Sharper Image)

I know. Picking items from Sharper Image is almost a cheat, since everything that store carries is so ridiculous, and it was hard to not put everything in their Father's Day sections. These electric socks are the perfect gift for any idiot father who's been saying things like, "I want someone to buy me a $160 pair of socks" or "I'd like more opportunities to wear electric clothing that could probably catch on fire."

6. Golf mug, recommended by Real Simple.

"The cup will add a punch of personality to a drab workspace." = Real Simple just assumes that your dad has an awful job. (via Real Simple)

Remind Dad that he likes doing a thing that takes place outside but is stuck inside earning money to support your sorry ass with this pale shade of the activity he loves.

7. A decorative iPhone charger cable, recommended by 'Details.'

Monster cables are so 2012. (via Details)

Is your father such an opaque mystery to you that you can't think of anything to get him other than an overpriced decorative iPhone charging cable? Well, hopefully the good news that this product exists outweighs the bad news of you knowing almost nothing about your dad.

8. A $78 white t-shirt, recommended by Hollywood Life.

SO EXCITED TO BE A DAD. (via Hollywood Life)

It makes sense that Hollywood Life would recommend this, because fancy Hollywood people probably have special just-feeding nannies who deal with all child nourishment issues. But for any other dad, this $78 white shirt will become a $78 dish rag after the first spaghetti night with a toddler. A $78 dish rag? Now that's extra-ordinary! And by extra-ordinary, I mean really stupid.

"I've got American Airlines points, I've got Hilton Points, I've got—"
"—Take off your clothes!"

Raconteur and Internet show host Scott Rogowsky (Running Late With Scott Rogowsky) is very close with his dad Marty. So close, in fact, that he's decided that for Father's Day this year, he knows exactly what he'll get him: laid. Of course, Scott's mom might not like that, but then again who knows what Scott got his mom for Mother's Day. Maybe he's just trying to make sure they're even. In any case, Rogowsky the Elder is a charming man who makes this video delightful instead of creepy.

This video can inspire you to either workout more or drown your sorrows about your depressing body in a bag of chocolate-covered potato chips. Your choice!

We all need motivation to work out. Some of us get off on the "runner's high" (or climber's high or... bowler's high? Sure). Some of us post pictures of vacation locations on our fridges, wanting to lose weight before we travel. And now, we all of the option to get motivated by watching this insanely fit man lift 100 lbs while doing a chair split.

The video has already motivated me to try doing a chair split in my home office, which motivated me to say to my cat "Holy shit, that's difficult, and I probably shouldn't try that again without someone to spot me." Obviously, I immediately tried it again. The results were pretty much the same, except the cat left the room partway through, either because he's INTIMIDATED BY MY AWESOME FITNESS POWER or sick of my shit.

But hey, come into the sincerity corner with me for a minute. This video actually does make me motivated to work out because this guy is SO HAPPY when he completes the move. We all know how awesome it feels to succeed at something we've been working towards, and seeing him do this makes me want to do the fitness too. Just maybe not with a chair split.

Want the experience of a vaguely bad drug trip while a beautiful woman repeats the same depressing-sounding words over and over? Then Lana Del Rey has the video for you!

A video posted by Lana Del Rey (@lanadelrey) on Jun 16, 2015 at 3:06pm PDT

Let's establish some things here: I am not here to make fun of Lana Del Rey as an entity. She's been shit on a-plenty for her weird SNL dancing, her antifeminist vibe, and a bunch of other things. Frankly, what I know about her extends to a few Internet headlines and one listen of that "Video Games" song where my takeaway was: "Well, this doesn't seem like a great message for the ladies." Maybe if I really took a listen, I'd love her! I'm open to that.

What I am here to talk about is the 13 second clip of her new song "Honeymoon" that you see above. It's done in a 60s home-movie style, which I like in theory. But in practice, thanks to the fuzzy visuals, Instagram's auto-loop feature, the downbeat tone, and Lana Del Rey repeating "our honeymoon" over and over, watching it only makes me feel deeply unsettled. It conjures up feelings of being trapped in some woozy, alternate-universe nightmare state where I'm being chased by tigers and 100 survival-trained Lana Del Reys whose only words are "our honeymoon." It's like some shitty Hunger Games knockoff, but without the goodness of Jennifer Lawrence to hold the whole stinking ship above water. I know that this is supposed to be a positive promotion for Lana Del Rey's upcoming album, but it leaves me with a creepy feeling that makes me want to lock my doors and call my mother.

Anyway, I guess this lady will have a new album or something soon if you care about that. I just can't wait until I have a full three-minute music video to feel deeply disturbed by.

In 1978, Mark Gubin painted "Welcome to Cleveland" on his roof. He lives in Milwaukee.

Milwaukee man tricks passengers by having "Welcome to Cleveland" sign on roof as planes fly directly overhead. pic.twitter.com/mEc9kcAJnq
— WSVN-TV (@wsvn) June 17, 2015

Trolling is a menace, but when done right, it's also a form of art. And Mark Gubin is an artist… literally.

The 72-year-old retired photographer has lived in an enormous art space in Milwaukee since the 70s. His home is actually a former movie theater – he lives in the balcony, and uses the rest for art projects. Back in 1978, a friend pointed out that the building was perfectly positioned under the flight path for planes landing at Mitchell Airport. She said it would be nice to paint a sign welcoming visitors to Milwaukee. Gubin had a better idea.

Take that, innocent passengers!(via Google Maps)

In the years since the sign went up, he's had mixed reactions. People in Cleveland asked if he was making fun of them, to which he responded, "Yes." There have been reports of airlines that specifically mention the sign is fake so that passengers won't be worried, but he's never received a formal complaint. After 37 years, the sign has become a Milwaukee institution. People would be more upset if he took it down. As for Gubin, he feels the joke represents his outlook on life. As he told The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel,

"It was all tongue-in-cheek, just for fun. Living in the world is not a dress rehearsal. You better have fun with it."

After a night and day of horror and loss in Charleston, SC, "The Daily Show" aired, and there was nothing funny to say.

The Daily Show has made me laugh for many years. I'm not even a rabid fan! At times, I think the show makes very difficult issues so palatable that people digest and forget them, feeling as though they've taken action just by watching. But sometimes laughing about those difficult issues can help people engage with them more.

In a heartfelt monologue, Jon Stewart spoke to his audience about why he didn't want to make anyone laugh. After a racist white gunman opened fire on 9 black members of the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, what is there to say that we can smile about? Outlets like Fox have tried to spin the massacre as a war on Christians, refusing to acknowledge it as the racist hate crime it is. The Daily Show may be largely satirical, but last night Stewart told the honest truth:

“I honestly have nothing other than sadness that once again we have to peer into the abyss of the depraved violence that we do to each other and the nexus of a just gaping racial wound that will not heal yet we pretend doesn't exist. I'm confident though that by acknowledging it—by staring into it—we still won't do jack shit. That's us. And that's the part that blows my mind…What blows my mind is the disparity of response. When we think people that are foreign are going to kill us and us killing ourselves…We invade two countries and spent trillions of dollars and lost thousands of American lives and now fly unmanned death machines over like five or six different counties, all to keep Americans safe. We've got to do whatever we can—we'll torture people. We've got to do whatever we can to keep Americans safe. But nine people shot in a church— 'Hey, what are you going go to do? Crazy is as crazy is, right?' That's the part that, for the life of me, I can't wrap my head around. And you know it's going to go down the same path.”

There's more and it's worth a watch. Hopefully, it won't go down too easy.

It's Father's Day this Sunday, and you can't pay a tribute to Dads without recognizing them for what they do best: embarrassing their kids.

Pictured: The author and her father, just hours away from embarrassing her.

This ritual has been taking place since the dawn of time, when the first cave man grunted something mortifying in front of his cave son's new girlfriend. ("Him still wet cave bed HA HA.")

These are the memories that never leave you, no matter how much therapy you get. I don't recall my dad teaching me to ride a bike, or reading me a bedtime story, but I'll never forget when he burst into my after-prom party and yelled, "HEY, YOU GUYS HAVING SEX IN HERE!?"

To which I replied, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!" then immediately died of embarrassment. (My ghost is writing this article.)

In honor of Father's Day, and humiliated kids everywhere, I asked around and gathered some hilariously true cringeworthy dad moments.

Birds and the Bees

"When I was 10 or 11, I don't know why, but my Dad told me, 'Me and your Mom have sex on every holiday, but I make her choose between Christmas and New Years because they're too close together.'"—Scott

And You Thought Crocs Were Bad

"My dad showed up at my college on parents weekend wearing a custom made t-shirt with a big picture of my roommates and me printed on the front of it."—Katie

Never Misbehave on Laundry Day

"In high school, a girl I had a crush on drove me home at 2am—way after my curfew. When we pulled up, my Dad came running out of the house into the driveway and started screaming at us, wearing nothing but his tighty whiteys. They weren't even nice ones, they were full of holes and parts of him were popping out everywhere. That embarrassment was worse than any punishment."—Danny

#%$@

"When my Dad was moving me into college for the first time, he forgot some of the papers we needed, and the staff was giving him a hard time. He got so mad, he finally shouted, 'Jeepers creepers! You guys with the paperwork!'

That's how he cusses."—Chris

Grandpa Knows Best

"When we were about 14, my friend and I were wading out into a creek and we both screamed about how cold it was. As Grandpa watched from the shore he shouted, 'You think it's cold now. Just wait until it hits you in the gonads!'"—Chad

Punk'd

"My dad told my whole family that he was buying a Porsche for Christmas. My sisters were of driving age, so they, along with my Mom, were pretty pumped. I was the only one he told the truth to; that it was just a prank. Come Christmas morning, he told the family that the new car was in the garage. Everyone ran out, excited to see our fancy new sports car. When he opened the garage, all they saw was me driving a toy Porsche around. The reaction was not was he was looking for... Everyone was pissed at him, resulting in a not too merry Christmas."—Brett

Hungry Man Dinner

"My dad once ate that piece of paper the deli puts between the slices of cheese. He made it about three quarters through the sandwich before he realized it. Then he pulled out a piece of paper from his mouth and was like, 'I thought something tasted funny.'"—Cate

I've Never Seen This Man Before In My Life

"When I was in kindergarten, we were learning letters through the letter people. Like Mrs. A, Mr. B, Mr. C, etc. One day, my Dad thought he'd surprise me by showing up to my classroom dressed up as Mr. M. I was mortified and would not acknowledge he was my dad. I was 5 and clearly an a-hole."—Andy

Sure, our Dads may embarrass us when we're young, but as we grow up we can look back and laugh. It really wasn't so bad—at least not compared to how they're currently embarrassing us on the Internet.

Kelly Osborne posted a perplexing picture on Instagram yesterday.

#CallMeRachel #MyCasualLook
A photo posted by Kelly Osbourne (@kellyosbourne) on Jun 18, 2015 at 9:07am PDT

That's Osborne, wearing a wig, dressed up as the white-person-pretending-to-be-black-person of our time, Rachel Dolezal. She captioned it with the hashtags #CallMeRachel and #MyCasualLook.

This picture very aptly brings to mind some poignant questions. Like, why did Osborne do this? And, did she check with anyone to see if they thought this was a good idea? And, how did this happen? So fascinating to think about.

A week ago, Osborne posted an Instagram photo of Dolezal with the caption "This has utterly shocked me. It's a #WholeNewLevelOfWrong," followed by the screaming face emoji. So we know that her initial take on the issue matched the national consensus. But somewhere along the way, she must have decided she needed to address this issue in a more baffling way.

This has utterly shocked me!!! It's a #WholeNewLevelOfWrong

A photo posted by Kelly Osbourne (@kellyosbourne) on Jun 12, 2015 at 10:40am PDT

"Good job, sister! You're the… great job, sister!"

Am I a hater for being a little weirded out by this? Probably. I mean, it's very sweet – he's using his toy ATV to help her take her first steps. But why does he call her "sister?" He talks like a 19th-century ghost child from a horror movie.

I would think that these kids were Amish, if it weren't for the toy truck and the fact that someone took a video of them.

After an Australian TV show made a social media post shaming women who had their private photos leaked, feminist writer Clementine Ford fought back with nudity.

When WILL women learn they're not safe?(via BuzzFeed)

Revenge porn enthusiasts had a big day recently when they hacked the accounts of more than 500 women, and posted/stole nudes galore. How you respond to nude photo leaks says a lot about how you see women's right to their bodies.The Australian TV show Sunrise responded with a Facebook post saying, "What's it going to take for women to get the message about taking and sending nude photos?" which seems to be saying that when someone breaks into your computer and steals private photos, it's your fault. For being violated.

"When will women learn?" Welcome to the 50's, where women are incompetent and men are inherently right #forshamesunrise@sunriseon7
— Nicholas Ng (@nicholasng) June 19, 2015

Okay. One way to look at it. This is Clementine Ford's response to them:

Here's my favorite excerpt:

When will women learn? Learn what? That our bodies do not belong to us? That we have no right to determine who sees those bodies, touches those bodies, fucks those bodies, and shares in those bodies? Honey, we don't need to learn that. We already know the answer. We don't have those rights. We are not allowed to be the masters of ourselves, only the gatekeepers.
Fuck your bullshit, Sunrise. You're an antiquated, pedestrian piece of rubbish and you truck in misogyny and everyday sexism. Consent is what happens when you give permission. Theft and assault is what happens when people take it from you despite you saying no.

Ford is a well-known writer in Australia and the post quickly went viral. She's gotten a ton of responses! Including, of course, a lot from men who'd like to see more nudity.

Maybe this one is open to interpretation.(via Clementine Ford)

Yahoo!, which owns Sunrise, has since offered an apology and taken down the offending post:

We apologize unreservedly to anyone offended by a post that was made on theSunrise Facebook page regarding nude photos and online security yesterday, and in particular to the victims.Whilst it was not our intention we appreciate that the wording of the post was insensitive. The post has been removed.

In a follow up, Ford told BuzzFeed why she felt the need to speak out and how she feels about the response she's getting:

"Women aren't supposed to be in control of the kind of attention they seek and enjoy. If we're harassed on the street, we're told to accept it as a compliment and chastised for complaining. If we make a statement ourselves, particularly one involving our bodies, we're ridiculed for being whores, sluts and attention seekers. It just drives home to me the fact that so many people are confronted by the idea of women being autonomous beings with the right to say yes and no when they feel like it."

An important social critique, carried far and wide by B00bz.

A failed auditioner for the role of a lifetime (flasher who appears for a brief moment on "Game of Thrones"), posted the casting call on Reddit. Warning: spoilers.

(via Reddit)

You might remember this part from the finale during Cersei's Walk of Shame (shame! shame! shame!). This guy, Munro Graham, is who ended up doing the scene:

(via YouTube)

You can also rewatch the entire walk of shame here and note the flasher at 2 minutes 32 seconds, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone (and nothing has been less safe for work).

The weirdest part about the casting notice is that it warns auditioners that in addition to being comfortable showing their genitalia, they must also be prepared to shout, "I'm a Lannister! Suck me off!" And the two requirements seem like they're given equal weight. Obviously not every actor is willing to get naked on camera, but I'm curious about people who will show their body but won't say anything offensive about the Lannisters. Are they worried it will make things too awkward in King's Landing? Are they members of House Tyrell and want to maintain the illusion of an alliance? Are they loyal to King Tommen? I mean, it's not real life. And also, it's the Lannisters.

Hi Twitter, I'm dad.

For as long as we can remember, we've been objectifying fathers; DILFs, with their enviable "dad-bods" and devil-may-care (or devil-may-have-cared-about-15-years-ago-and-then-never-updated-it-again) fashion sense. But the question we at Someecards want to know is, are dads funny?

It turns out, yes, they are, and not just in the "I'm hungry/Hi hungry, I'm dad" sense. We painstakingly curated this list of some of the funniest dads of twitter, just in time to give you something to distract yourself with while you place your obligatory call to your own family on Sunday. We suggest you follow each of these funny fathers right away!

Love,
@goldengateblond and @behindyourback

Josh Hara doesn't just write hilarious tweets about his life as a dad, he also draws cartoons and illustrates his morning Stabucks cups and we wish he'd illustrate our lunches too.

@yoyoha

"There's a sleeping person. Let's go ask it questions." – Children
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) September 8, 2012

Ristolable's not only a dad, he just became an uncle and we'd guess he's probably funnier than yours (sorry!).

@Ristolable

*baby starts screaming* Whoa little guy. Stop right there. You're not born full of rage and hate. You have to earn that shit
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) June 29, 2014

We can promise you, this is the funniest owl-dad you will ever find and the tweet below should be all the proof you need.

@GrowlyGrego

[spelling bee] Your word is "spider" Can you use it in a sentence? "A spider has eight eyes." [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R
— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) April 25, 2014

If it weren't for twitter, how else would we know that the lead singer of Blink-182 was just a very funny dad at heart all along?

@markhoppus

Staying in and reading a book on a Saturday night because I am Dad and it is as the prophecies foretold.
— Dad (@markhoppus) April 4, 2015

It's probably not fair to compare your dad to another dad who's a stand-up comic and TV host, so spare his feelings and don't tell him how funny Brian Gaar is.

@briangaar

Well son, when you were a baby the internet and your mom's yoga teacher told us that vaccines were bad. Anyway sorry your legs don't work.
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) February 6, 2015

Novelist, columnist and contributor to sites like McSweeneys and The Onion, Wayne Gladstone's smart and silly humor will make you into the better person you tell your dad you already are.

@WGladstone

My 6 yr old asked me if "satire" is like a "flat tire." I told him no. People know how to handle a flat tire.
— Gladstone (@WGladstone) December 21, 2013

We double-checked, Dan did not make up a kid just to be included in our list, but we might have let him anyway because his tweets are that ridiculously funny, we couldn't leave him off.

@DanMentos

*eating chips w/ my 3yo* don't eat too many "why?" they're bad for you "then why did mommy buy them" *stops chewing* SHE'S TRYING TO KILL US
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) June 16, 2015

PaperWash's avi is a roll of toilet paper holding a gun and what would remind you of living at home more than that?

@PaperWash

Daddy can we go to the park?! *looks at 12% battery* "No"
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) September 30, 2014

Musky Lozenge's bio reads "Your dad's friend. You know, from work!" and we'll bet he is, but this hilarious father to a toddler is so much more.

@LostCatDog

My two-year-old is going to be up all night working on this PowerPoint but "Bring Work To Your Kid Day" is teaching her valuable lessons
— Musky Lozenge™ (@LostCatDog) August 6, 2014

Wonder where the runner-up on the first American Idol is now? Oh, just an actor, singer and most importantly, a dad on twitter making everyone laugh.

@JustinGuarini

Toddlers and cats share the same "it never hurts to ask" 4am policy
— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) March 8, 2015

Tim Siedell may be a hilarious writer for The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore but we'll bet that hasn't protected him from having his kids roll their eyes at them, just like every other dad on the planet.

@badbanana

Graduation ceremony rules said I couldn't cheer as my daughter crossed the stage, so I did the next best thing and booed all the other kids.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) May 24, 2015

If, when you think "dad joke," you think ridiculousness and puns, you're thinking of Cortronic's super funny twitter feed.

@cortronic

4yo: "I'm sorry I spilled your scotch daddy!" me: "It's ok, son. That's why pencils have erasers." *grabs pencil, erases kid from existence*
— Cortronic (@cortronic) May 14, 2015

Pogue Philosophy's wordplay tweets will make you groan and laugh at the same time, which means he's killing it in the world of dad humor.

@PoguePhilosophy

Son, can you please clean your room? No. Well, tidy your desk at least. No. Pick up the Legos? No. He has his mother's no's.
— Blah (@PoguePhilosophy) April 21, 2014

As a dad of humans and cats, Mark's twitter will make you laugh no matter what sort of parent you identify as.

@TheCatWhisprer

before baby: oops I slept in past noon again lol after baby: wtf is sleep I will cut a man
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 2, 2015

If you like your dad humor with a heavy side of beautiful absurdity, Afbradstone's the dad tweeter for you.

@afbradstone

When the baby's asleep my wife and I like to blow lines of Similac through a nasal aspirator off a Raffi LP, like we did back in law school
— afbradstone (@afbradstone) May 7, 2015

Bucky Isotope has perfected the art of the dad joke about dads: He reflects his own dad-ness back at us and we're so grateful for it.

@BuckyIsotope

So you had a dad day Your socks are dark brown You put your cargo shorts on And you walked around town You had a dad day You had a dad day
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) November 19, 2014

In just 140 characters, super funny dad Ceej creates an entire world for us to marvel and laugh at.

@ceejoyner

For sale. Baby clown shoes. Never worn. Kid thinks he's too good for the family business. Can be worn as a size 9 bowling shoe. 50$
— Ceej (@ceejoyner) June 1, 2015

Frank Lowe's bio sums it up: "I used to be a bitchy gay guy, now I'm a bitchy gay dad."

@GayAtHomeDad

Some kid had a surprise birthday party today and my son said "IT'S SECRET LIKE BEYONCÉ'S ALBUM!" That's my baby.
— Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad) July 29, 2014

Writer for Comedy Central, Playboy, Mandatory, Vice and probably every other website that exists, Rob Fee somehow magically finds time to create hilarious content, raise a kid and still make awesome jokes about it on twitter.

@robfee

Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"
— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 3, 2015

Dan Ewen's twitter handle is "VaguelyFunnyDan" but, just like when your dad claimed not to know where mom stored the cookies, he's lying, he's actually hilarious.

@VaguelyFunnyDan

When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
— Dan Ewen (@VaguelyFunnyDan) March 27, 2012

ADadABeardACanal has "Dad" right there in his name and it's appropriate because this Texas father tweets non-stop about the exceptionally funny trials and tribulations of raising his four children.

@DadBeard

My oldest daughter has the realization everyday that she has to go to school everyday from now on. It's like Child Memento.
— ADadABeardACanal (@Dadbeard) Sept 5, 2012

Look, it was nearly impossible to pick just one dad tweet from Jeff Lyons so pretend we didn't, go to his page and laugh at the dad jokes for the rest of the day.

@usedwigs

Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he's wrong and you are positive their names are “Batman and Robert".
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) April 2, 2014

"Son?" "Yes, m'lord?" (Thinkstock)

You're about to become a parent, which means that you have a critical choice to make. No, not what to name your child, where to send her to school, or whether to perpetuate the lie of Santa Claus. You need to chose what title you want to go by as a new father. This title will dictate the parameters of your relationship with your kid forever. You only get one shot, so choose wisely...

Dad

This is the industry standard. It's like calling tissues Kleenex. Dad is our cultural shorthand for the male parent. It's fine for most men, but are you most men? Statistically, probably. But just in case “dad" isn't edgy enough for you, read on!

Daddy

This one works when your children are small but it rapidly takes on different connotations when those kiddos hit puberty. It's best to avoid "daddy" from the start so you can dodge the inevitable therapy bills that come when you have to explain to your teenage daughter that there are different types of "daddies" in the world.

Pa

Not every man can pull off “Pa" in this day and age. You need to either live in an actual little house on the prairie or have Nick Offerman-level woodsman cred. However, those who can pull it off should because being a Pa automatically infuses all of your stories with a folksy wisdom that virtually guarantees your children will listen to what you say.

Pop

Pop is perfect for the older dads in the crowd. Pop lands somewhere between dad and granddad so if you're a fifty-something with an adorable little accident on the way, consider being a Pop. It's both fun-loving and paternal. But be careful: all Pops know how to fix cars. If you don't, you'll have to learn.

Father

Ah, father. The creme brulee of paternity titles. A father is the wise patriarch of the family. The leader. The man at the head of the table. Father can be a tempting title choice for new parents who think they have it all together but approach this title with caution. It's a known fact that fathers never fart. Make sure that's a burden you can live with.

Your First Name

Bold move. You're the anti-establishment dad who drives an impractical two-door and doesn't even own a necktie. But be careful, while there is mobility between many of the other titles on this list, once you go first name you can never go back.

The first pictures from the set of the all-female "Ghostbusters" movie are blowing up the Internet today.

See @MelissaMcCarthy, Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon in first pics from the #Ghostbusters Set: http://t.co/so5ssVnpRypic.twitter.com/m5eisn22Un

— Entertainment Weekly (@EW) June 18, 2015

Shots of Kristen Wiig shooting Ghostbusters in Everett. pic.twitter.com/g4SAGPo3Qt

— Only In Boston (@OnlyInBOS) June 19, 2015

Interesting. Melissa McCarthy looks casual cool, Kate McKinnon looks eccentric and artsy, and Kristen Wiig looks bookish. I'm in! According to the Boston Herald, Wiig and McCarthy will play "unheralded authors who write a book positing that ghosts are real." Wiig becomes a professor (note the skirt suit) at Columbia, but becomes a laughingstock when people find out about the book.

Then I guess they team up to solve the mystery on everyone's minds: where is Leslie Jones?

Who's your state's biggest Kev?

Americas most valuable export: Kevin.(via Estately)

Kevin is definitely an underappreciated name. It's never been trendy or hip (except maybe for a minute after Home Alone came out). No man ever brags about being named Kevin. That being said, what name better expresses that you're a laid-back guy who's not afraid to look goofy and have a good time? None of them, not even Bob.

The clever folks at the real estate blog Estately understand this, so they put together this map of the most famous man named Kevin from every state. It's their way of showing some much-deserved love to 2014's 70th most popular male baby name. There are some real shockers on this list. Do you feel your state has a more famous Kevin than the one listed here? Let us know. But remember, Keiths don't count.

We've covered Estately's state-based maps before, because they never fail to be clever and interesting. Here are some highlights:

What every state has more of than any other state.
What every state Googles the most.
The most popular cocktail in every state.
The states with the most couch potatoes.

Natasha Starkey has been bedridden since January struggling with a condition called epidermolysis bullosa, but she finally got to have a night out.

Well, this story made me cry. Natasha is 19 years old and in the usual course of things she'd be at school, making friends and thinking about the future. Instead, she's been in the hospital for 6 months, dealing with a painful and incurable skin condition. Epidermolysis bullosa or "butterfly skin" is a genetic disease that causes the skin to thin, blister and tear easily. It's extremely painful and even slight friction can cause serious issues.

One good thing to come out of this is the relationship she's developed with her many specialists and nurses at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital. They, along with Natasha's mother, started talking about getting Natasha to prom. It was a wish she'd been expressing for a number of years. The hard part was figuring out if she could go for an extended period of time without the pain drip she was constantly hooked up to at the hospital. They started experimenting to see if she could go longer and longer without it. When she hit the 6 hour mark, it was confirmed: Natasha was going to prom!

Get that crown, girl.(screenshot via Cincinnati's Children's Hospital)

Everyone pitched in to get her ready, including teaching her some dance moves:

Looks like the Macarena?(screenshot via Cincinnati's Children's Hospital)

Natasha got a makeover from the staff, saying how she doesn't often experience dressing up and feeling pretty. She is also frequently isolated from other young people, so just attending the prom with other teenagers was a big deal. Listening to Natasha speak will make you admire her resilience and appreciation of the small gifts life has to offer. As her doctor says in the video:

There's gotta be dreams, there's gotta be things to do that are fun and good, in the deep sense.

Here's hoping that more of those things come Natasha's way.

Amy Schumer is going to open for Madonna on her upcoming Rebel Heart tour.

I'm shaking w excitement that @AmySchumer is opening up for me in New York! I hope people will stay after & watch my show!! #RebelHeartTour

— Madonna (@Madonna) June 18, 2015

What a powerful alliance. It's like when two things you love separately (Schumer being an inspiring woman, Madonna being an inspiring woman) fuse together to become something new (jointly inspirational women). At first you didn't see the connection, but then you realize it was right in front of you all along.

Schumer will open for Madonna on September 16, 17 and 19 for the New York stops of the tour. They both announced the collaboration on Twitter, and Schumer included an adorable video of her childhood self singing and dancing to "Like A Prayer."

Guess who auditioned for @Madonna and got the part? See you in NYC on Sept 16, 17 and 19. pic.twitter.com/llHgsOommL

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) June 18, 2015

Schumer also tweeted a video of an unidentified baby (not famous, don't care, just kidding!) preparing for the concert dates.

#thedutchess gettin fired up for @Madonnapic.twitter.com/FhmHw1xNQE

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) June 19, 2015