Here are some famous people when they were kids!

Me, my sis and my cousin Melissa. 102 degrees at the zoo, not happy campers. #tbt
A photo posted by Jenny McCarthy (@jennyannmccarthy) on Jul 30, 2015 at 9:51am PDT

Star of the new Ghostbustersmovie Melissa McCarthy and famous anti-vaxxer Jenny McCarthy are cousins! If you already knew that, congratulations for your expansive knowledge of celebrity familial connections. On Thursday, or as we call it in America, throwback Thursday, Jenny McCarthy posted a picture with her awesome cousin Melissa McCarthy on Instagram. According to the caption, they're at the zoo and it was really hot out and they both look sorta miserable.

It's really hot out right now and I am definitely miserable so this picture is sort of perfect. I wonder how many of the kids in this picture are vaccinated? Probably all of them!

Remember, whenever you're making a holograph device from household twice, measure twice, break once.

If you were technologically active in ye olde 1990s or 2000s, you probably have some old CD cases lying around. Or small, clear DVD cases. Well, well now you* can make a hologram machine from their clear covers that people are already making videos for on YouTube (I didn't check if... other sites had the technology yet). They're technically called jewel cases, and they're informally called "old stuff you should really back up" or "empty discs you'll never use." As it happens, though, if you can actually make a working hologram device out of a carefully-cut CD case and a smartphone that play videos. Or you can wait six months for a company that sees this video to make the newest iPhone accessory people make you feel bad for not owning.

"I don't know photo shop. But you do and this could be a great way for me to notice you and give you accolades plus maybe a free dinner at applebees or something like that who knows sky's the limit." - Chris Pratt to the Internet.

This is what it looks like when you get exactly what you ask for. (via)

I don't know if anyone's actually gotten the promised dinner at Applebee's, but Chris Pratt asked the Internet for a new banner image for his official Facebook page (facebook.com/prattprattpratt). Many people have asked the Internet for photoshop jobs before and gotten the opposite of what they wanted, or worse, but Pratt and the Internet are on good terms (as it is with each of us, for now) so with a few hilarious exceptions, he got what he asked for:

"I'm looking to have Peter Quill, Owen, Andy and Emmet in the mix. possibly some other fun stuff including but not limited to previous roles, my family, eagles, american flags, guns, cool ford raptors, cigars, explosions, anything sly stallone, bloodsport, early steven segal, anything that looks bad ass and will say, "Hey this facebookprofile is chris's and this is what he's all about." maybe some raptors, or even some largemouth bass or deer or trophy elk, maybe some cool guns or rollerblades or possibly even a nascar or a steak maybe even some corndogs. don't ask me! you decide!"

Here's what they decided:

We'd definitely buy this Lego set.(via)

The crowd favorite, although Pratt has yet to respond to it.(via)

One of the most minimalist approaches, but also one of the most colorful.(via)

Chris Pratts fans in Pakistan are surprisingly good at the whole 'Murica thing. (via)

There's also some quality 'Muricana coming out of the Netherlands. (via)

Of course, America makes some good 'Murica itself, sometimes.(via)

"My cigar nunchucks are very bad for your health." (via)

Fact: are also raptors. I just hope those planes are F-22s. (via)

I did mention this is the Internet, right? (via)

Bonus: no Photoshop, still a strong contender. (via)

I hope they checked the caliber of his diaper before doing that.(via)

Dildos. Tampons. Grandparents. Butts. What do these things have in common? They are often in the backgrounds of photos taken by people who leave their dildos, tampons, old people and naked butts out so often they didn't even notice that they were there. As more and more of our lives are captured in photos and videos, the risk of our embarrassing personal items/body parts continues to rise, until finally we'll be forced to hide all of our embarrassing things before we turn on our devices every morning because the world is one giant webcam. On the other hand, it won't be all bad because we'll get to look at everyone else's embarrassing stuff. Like these folks:

To be fair, this guy is kind of a dick for making this photo all about him.(via)

Man, there's just boobs coming out of the woodworks these days. (via)

5 minutes later he walked by again. And then 5 minutes after that. And so on.(via)

Not technically uploaded online, but someone should have cut away here. (via)

Selfies really do reveal a lot more about you than you intend.(via)

Plot twist: That's her hairdresser, he just has a very unusual working style.(via)

I guess they got two copies so their kids can watch a dvd that's never been seen by
someone smoking a crack pipe. (via)

A great part of traveling is seeing how other people behave on the beach.(via)

Son, you'll always remember when I took your picture tonight in my tighty-whiteys. (via)

I'm more interested in meeting the people behind you and to the left. (via)

Someone has really thought of everything for tonight, not even including the Miller High Lifes,
clothes hangers and remotes. (via)

That's a cute top. That, on the other hand, is a horrifying bottom. (via)

Just a long, curved toothbrush holder in case she needs to freshen up at the dance.(via)

She should've checked her background in real life, as well.(via)

Ah. The romance of what is hopefully Europe.(via)

Either way, these two are exhibiting great teamwork.(via)

Sweater made me think bowling alley, but now I'm more worried 'cuz it looks like Denny's.
(via)

I'm more concerned about that old dude barging in like that. (via)

Uhhhh. Actually. EVERYTHING is wrong with this picture. (via)

Apparently, the person who posted this had it on their fridge for years before noticing.(via)

Small and available beats huge and nonexistant. (via)

Sometimes even white linen suits could stand to be a little breezier. (via)

This is a brief way of summing up college. (via)

In case you ever wondered what happened to the guy who built a 6-foot bong in college. (via)

Road Rassh. (via)

Someone's nephew wanted to share his video game stats. He also shared his love of
beautiful, sensual women who love the same thing. Also, he is not TechnoViking. (via)

If you turn the picture upside down, you can see the same shape between the glasses.(via)

Goodbye University, Hello Unemployableness! (via)

I can't believe this creep is wearing sunglasses indoors. (via)

It turns out Christians find cows holy after all. (via)

We must all be on the lookout for small men riding our family members. (via)

Yeah, you're probably not going to have 147 updates anymore once this gets out.(via)

The ass is coming from inside the house.

Can we talk about the angle of that woman's arm? Definitely more disturbing than the coke.

I now realize all my friends' annoying gym statuses could be a lot worse.

And why shouldn't Grandma be proud? Those muscles are made of her cooking.

Only in New York! Or, wherever this is. Only in wherever, am I right?

The really weird thing? It's not a mirror, it's a window! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.

I don't care if she is a little tall, young lady, you do not call a giraffe your grandma.

I assume we're all laughing at his Wall of Hats.

Oh my god, are those Uggs back there? That is revolting.

I'm pretty sure that man just successfully shoplifted some produce in his pants.

Can we talk about how wearing sunglasses is already like blurring your eyes?

More like the cat should have checked the foreground of his picture, am I right?

Oh, hello Robin Thicke. Is sliding fingers up not-your-wife's butt a blurred line?

Why does he think people on the subway want to see that shade of blue?

There are times I'm glad the zoom technolgies on CSI are impossible.

The pre-show was them making violent threats from the casting couch.

Who just leaves bottled water out in the open like that?

It's like a Calvin and Hobbes sticker come to life.

These bees have weird stingers.

Could it be more disturbing? Try to rule out the possibility that it's a dead deer. See?

That is not a ladies' room, and suddenly the whole world is in question.

No wonder that man in the back doesn't need to care what he looks like.

I'm pretty sure the Wizard is in there too, but I can't find him!

Good question, person who inserted that arrow. Who needs that much generic Immodium?

I guess the guy in the background is grabbing the gun in his underwear.

The dress says a night out. The item on the dresser suggests otherwise.

Granted, modesty doesn't seem to be the theme of whatever show they're prepping.

Ah, 2007. An more innocent time when people just let their dildos hang out wherever.

Folow-up question: his ball, where is it?

They're like cleavage twins, except one of the twins is way less attractive.

Those kangaroos took the only shot they had at making a sex tape involving Paris Hilton.

That woman is riding a mechanical bull, FYI, not receiving oral sex from Satan.

The fourth leg of any good triathalon involves a marathon ball-scratching session.

We understand, rocker lady. Bassists never get the groupies.

It's unclear whether or not he's peeing, but he's clearly not in the bathroom.

What makes this exponentially worse is he was being interviewed about the Boston bombing.

Why are his shades pixelated but not his ass in the mirror?

"And in the back, you can see James doing his pre-workout cleanse." (pause at 00:21)

Love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a baby and dru-ugs.

Is that the same pink dildo the Boston guy had?

Guess there's more than one stuffed animal in this house. HEY-O. Sorry.

Maybe instead of Facebook you should upload this to, we don't know, the police?

Any kid who can steal the focus away from four pretty ladies is going places in life.

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"Grandma's retirement home is like college, except no one has class or cares about STDs."

I'm surprised the phone isn't an Android.

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It took me a long time to realize that Georgia was a dog.
I just thought that was a really rude way of describing this part of Georgia.

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You should also do it for the love of dog, because they don't like being merkins.

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Stacks 'n stacks 'n stacks of high-quality printer paper.

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Her skin issues require being surrounded by tons of healthy skin.
Also, don't think it's a dude.

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I don't know who any of these people are, but I'm mostly interested in Bigfoot.

But when I say it's just the pants making it look that way, no one believes me.

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Consider it a preview of everything before potty training is done.

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I can't tell if he's being dangled or retrieved.

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Say what you will, this kid will grow up to be great on social media.

All the ladies are wearing them at the Kentucky Derby these days.

Technically that's in the foreground, but it started in the background, and they
really should have checked.

We're glad everything cleared up in time for you.

It is not a nice day for a white wedding.

No, Mitch. We all lost, thanks to you.

That is an impressive backside...of that hill covered in graffiti.(via)

Kent.... such a total Kent.(via)

New at-home weight-loss trick bends space itself. Physicists HATE her! (via)

Not for sale: the biological weapons at the bottom of the picture.(via)

Mt. Rushmore is visited by millions of fans of Homer & Bart Simpson every year.(via)

'Pis the season.(via)

Looks light there might be some pants, bunched up around the ankle area.(via)

Does a lazorcat chase the dots it creates on the wall?(via)

Awwww. Don't ever grow up, or turn around within the next few minutes.(via)

Seems like there's enough balls on the tree, but only one Yule log.(via)

Summertime, and the living is...creepily in the background of girls' pictures. (via)

Most baby pictures are used to embarrass the kid later, but this little baby's foot photobomb will haunt its dad for life.(via)

Taken moments before the Keene, NH Pumpkinfest riot, which presumably started because OF THAT SCANDALOUS KISS! (via)

Fortunately, the genetics of intelligence are pretty complex, so don't give up on her yet.(via)

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If the Internet has taught me anything, it's that our shadows are always bangin'.(via)

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The album title of "Randomness" makes me wonder about what happens later. (via)

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Well, to be fair, it's more like someone should have done a background check on that kid's parents. (via)

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Uh, why would you want one?(via)

Apparently, their tour guide insisted this was the best photo op in the cave.
What a dick.(via)

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Don't worry. She doesn't remember it.(via)

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Alright, fine. This background is pretty awesome. They actuallytried to take another oneand the same thing happened again. (via)

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Actually, if you look closely, literally everyone is taking a bad picture here.(via)

Peemur. Yep. I went there. Peemur.(via)

An oldie (and on TV), but a classic. Situational awareness, CNN. Try it sometime.(via)

Hint: Aunt Sally is crouching behind grandpa.

I'll go first: I offer myself as sacrifice to this dress!

In case you STILL haven't seen the insane morning news anchors of "Good Day Sacramento" interview "Paper Towns" star Cara Delevingne, here's that:

Much Internet ink has been spilled in the debate of who was right and who was wrong in the video above. We came down firmly on the side of "what were those anchors smoking," and even Zach Braff chimed in:

@Caradelevingne or how it's condescending to ask an actress if she's read the book.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) July 29, 2015

Yes, they asked her if she read the book. You know who hasn't broken their silence on Sarcastic Eybrows-gate? The actual author of the book Paper Towns (and the far more famous The Fault in Our Stars). John Green finally came forward to say what he thinks about Cara's performance. The interview performance, not the movie one:

I am friends with Cara, and the author of the book in question. I spent more than a month with her on tour in Europe and the U.S., and I watched as again and again, she was asked this question. Cara has read the book (multiple times), but the question is annoying — not least because her male costar, Nat Wolff, was almost always asked when he'd read the book, while Cara was almost always asked if she'd read it...

Look, these are obviously the first worldiest of first world problems, but the whole process of commodifying personhood to sell movie tickets is inherently dehumanizing. The TV people want some part of you, and in exchange for it, they will put the name of your movie on TV. But in that process, you do lose something of your self...

Cara, however, refuses to stick to the script. She refuses to indulge lazy questions and refuses to turn herself into an automaton to get through long days of junketry. I don't find that behavior entitled or haughty. I find it admirable. Cara Delevingne doesn't exist to feed your narrative or your news feed — and that's precisely why she's so f*cking interesting.

Is Cara Delevingne so f*cking interesting? In comparison with the hosts of Good Day? Morning show hosts have such wild enthusiasm for the most inane aspects of life, even at the crack of dawn, that I assume it's a mask to disguise some really crazy stuff. I bet they secretly lead very interesting lives, but like, not stuff they'd admit to in an interview.

You'll want all songs to be sung by movie characters after watching this.

Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson's insanely catchy track "Uptown Funk" spent a record-breaking fourteen consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard's Hot 100. It's a perfectly crafted pop song, yet somehow this version starring movie characters is blowing my mind in a whole new way. The cast has a very broad range, including cartoon, CGI, and even Ninja Turtles.

Here are some of the movie clips I got the most excited about: Betelgeuse, Space Balls, Wedding Crashers, Breakfast Club, Princess Bride, Shrek, Dumb & Dumber, Pretty In Pink and Star Wars. There are so many more though. Just watch it. It's the best use of your time on a Sunday.

I don't know who's running Buzz Aldrin's social media account, but they are earning every penny:

Haha, typewriters.(via Buzz Aldrin)

If you don't understand what you're looking at, it's a travel voucher from 1969 for a business trip. Buzz Aldrin's most famous business trip, in fact: to the moon! So much better than a convention center near the Atlanta airport or something. Still, even guys who travel to the moon need to get reimbursed for gas. Here's a close-up on one of the funniest details:

"Gov. Spacecraft."(via Buzz Aldrin)

Cool, glad NASA clarified how he got to and from the moon on this expense report. If you have questions about the math on this, feel free to contact Buzz. He (or his genius social media manager) have answers for everything:

Wow, maybe get a Prius rocket?(via Buzz Aldrin)

What a funny and eye-opening video that also makes me want to buy some Life M6 razor blades.

After 14 years as a bearded man, even Mook's wife Limor had never seen him without hair on his face. His two kids had also never seen him without a beard. So how would they react to cheek and jowls as sleek as a baby's bottom?

Israeli ad agency BBR Saatchi & Saatchi were determined to find out and document the whole thing on video. Why? Because they like us and want us to get to see a man going on an interesting beard-related journey, and if we end up buying some Super-Pharm Life M6 razor blades that is also fine.

Sabrina Corgatelli taunted the Internet with pictures of her safari trip, and the Internet took the bait.

He's not famous, but she killed him anyway.(via Facebook)

Have you gotten tired of unleashing your righteous rage on Dr. Walter Palmer? Well, here's some good news. A new villain has emerged on the Internet, killing endangered African animals left and right just for your amusement. And don't worry about upsetting her with your vitriol – she loves it.

Sabrina Corgatelli is a university accountant believed to be from Boise, Idaho. In her spare time, she is also a big game hunter, and is currently in South Africa on one hell of a safari trip. She's been posting pictures where she poses with her kills for days, attracting thousands of angry comments and threats. Meanwhile, she's soaking it up – she hasn't taken down a Facebook page dedicated to her hunting photos, and a few days before the trip, she posted a meme of Leonardo DiCaprio saying, “To all the haters. Stay tuned, you're gonna have so much more to be pissed off about."

Are you pissed yet?(via Facebook)

Commenters on Corgatelli's page have been calling her "human garbage" and a "serial killer," and expressing wishes that one of the animal kills her, but it hasn't slowed her down. She has largely refrained from responding, except to one commenter who asked whether what she was doing was legal. She wrote back: “There is parts of Africa you can't, but where I'm at it completely legal." I didn't edit the typos out of her comment because it's fun to judge her for that too. She also posted some bible verses in response to all of her haters:

"Genesis 9:3 says, 'Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.'"

"Genesis 27:3 says, 'Now then, take your weapons, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me.'"

You're welcome, atheists.

She's religious, but she's not spiritual.(via Facebook)

God told her to mow down this impala.(via Facebook)

Corgatelli was particularly proud to take down a kudu, writing, "Yesterday was day 1 an amazing day!!! Got my beautiful beautiful Kudu!! It was my #1 want on my list and I got him on the first day!!! Loving it there!!"

What a beautiful animal. Now it's going to rot in the sun.(via Facebook)

She also posted an image of a man named Aaron who may be her boyfriend posing with a 13-foot crocodile.

Which one is Aaron? I hope she's not dating both; that would be immoral.(via Facebook)

Look, it's Pumbaa!(via Facebook)

If you want to let Sabrina Corgatelli know exactly what you think of her, head on over to her Facebook page. But be aware that's exactly what she wants. Because after you've killed every animal in Africa, there's only one prey left that interests you: trolls. And this lady's on the troll hunt of a lifetime.

Her photoshoot in Allure magazine is sort of blowing my mind.

"Here's a tip: drink from the Fountain of Youth."(via Getty)

Salma Hayek is 48 years old, but the images published in the August issue of Allure lead me to believe she must have graduated from Hogwarts. Or she has the best genetic makeup of any human on the planet and is immune to the passage of time. Either way, the photos are beautiful and you should check them out. Here's a teaser from Allure.

Announcing our August cover star: @salmahayek! (Tap the link in our bio to see the full shoot by @patrickdemarchelierofficial)

A photo posted by @allure on Jul 13, 2015 at 5:00pm PDT

In response to posing topless, Salma told E! Online, "It's important to be free…and at my age it's exciting to still be able to take a photograph like that." When she saw the photograph where the only thing covering her breasts are her little lady hands, she said "I thought my hands were bigger...They did cover enough but in my head they were covering more."

I'm sure lots of people are glad her hands are not any bigger.

Jens Rushing is a New York paramedic who wrote a post about the minimum wage increase that went viral:

It reads:

Fast food workers in NY just won a $15/hr wage.

I'm a paramedic. My job requires a broad set of skills: interpersonal, medical, and technical skills, as well as the crucial skill of performing under pressure. I often make decisions on my own, in seconds, under chaotic circumstances, that impact people's health and lives. I make $15/hr.

And these burger flippers think they deserve as much as me?

Good for them.

Look, if any job is going to take up someone's life, it deserves a living wage. If a job exists and you have to hire someone to do it, they deserve a living wage. End of story. There's a lot of talk going around my workplace along the lines of, "These guys with no education and no skills think they deserve as much as us? Fuck those guys." And elsewhere on FB: "I'm a licensed electrician, I make $13/hr, fuck these burger flippers."

And that's exactly what the bosses want! They want us fighting over who has the bigger pile of crumbs so we don't realize they made off with almost the whole damn cake. Why are you angry about fast food workers making two bucks more an hour when your CEO makes four hundred TIMES what you do? It's in the bosses' interests to keep your anger directed downward, at the poor people who are just trying to get by, like you, rather than at the rich assholes who consume almost everything we produce and give next to nothing for it.

My company, as they're so fond of telling us in boosterist emails, cleared 1.3 billion dollars last year. They expect guys supporting families on 26-27k/year to applaud that. And that's to say nothing of the techs and janitors and cashiers and bed pushers who make even less than us, but are as absolutely crucial to making a hospital work as the fucking CEO or the neurosurgeons. Can they pay us more? Absolutely. But why would they? No one's making them.

The workers in NY *made* them. They fought for and won a living wage. So how incredibly petty and counterproductive is it to fuss that their pile of crumbs is bigger than ours? Put that energy elsewhere. Organize. Fight. Win.

Awesome. The guy who will intubate you on the scene of a happy hour gone crappy hour wants Burger King employees to make a living wage. There are plenty of people who argue that flipping burgers is unskilled labor and thus doesn't deserve the pay that a paramedic does, but when the paramedic himself is going to bat for an underpaid labor force, they'll hopefully reconsider. If not, the back of an ambulance can be a good place for conversation. He'll get to everyone eventually.

Embarrassing your kids is a time-honored tradition, but making it go viral is too far.

Spot the face that's traumatized for life.(via Imgur)

A man who goes by Bombingofdresden on Reddit (already a bad sign—hopefully he's a Kurt Vonnegut fan and not a bombing-of-cities fan) took his family on the Skyrush roller coaster at Pennsylvania's Hersheypark, where the automatic camera took this picture of them on a drop. As you can see, one of his sons didn't handle the G-forces too well. Here's a close-up, along with another photo of the boy for reference.

The moment he decided to devote his life to evil.(via Imgur)

Like any responsible parent in 2015, Bombingofdresden knew there was only one place for this humiliating personal photo: Reddit. After all, being made fun of by thousands of commenters and snarky ecard blogs is a natural part of adolescent development.

I hope that both dad and son enjoy their newfound Internet fame, as well as the cold, distant relationship they'll have from here on out.

P.S. The fact that his shirt says "smile more" is perfect.

UPDATE: The dad in question responded to us on Twitter.

@nedostup I'm just a fan of history and my son is getting a huge kick out of his photo going viral. Everyone is happy.
— Will Poole (@Dresdenbombing) August 3, 2015

It's good to know it all worked out. Although I will maintain that is a weird choice of username.

A kickball game between Drake and LeBron got rained out, nooooo! And Drake was like, this is the worst thing to happen to me lately, Meek Mill is nothing:

OMG, who is Meek Mill? Right now, he is a guy who is mostly famous for dating Nicki Minaj and dissing Drake, which is stupid, because Drake is king right now. I wouldn't want to be in a celebrity feud with Drake. Not only because he is incredibly powerful, but because he is apparently passive-aggressive as f*ck.

So far, Drake hasn't said much publicly about Meek Mill tweeting stuff like this about him:

Stop comparing drake to me too.... He don't write his own raps! That's why he ain't tweet my album because we found out!
— Meek Mill (@MeekMill) July 22, 2015

But he posted this to Instagram the day Meek Mill's diss track came out and got panned by critics:

A photo posted by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on Jul 30, 2015 at 8:02pm PDT

Yikes, Drake, say what you mean! Anyway, who cares? When is this kickball game gonna be back on?

@Drake and I kick ball game was just postponed due to rain showers. Drizzy we'll reschedule asap my brother #InThe6#KlutchvsOVO#Family
— LeBron James (@KingJames) August 1, 2015

Noooo! We need hard dates and more opportunities for Drake to make barbed comments to reporters while also watching LeBron James kick a big red rubber ball. It will be so cute!

Daredevil Robbie "Maddo" Maddison has finally answered the question "What's more annoying than a jet ski?"

I'm genuinely impressed by this man's skills, and his determination to ride a dirt bike on water. It looks very rad, I'll admit. But can you picture yourself hanging on the beach in Tahiti, relaxing in one of the most beautiful places on earth, listening to the waves crash, the breeze blow and the birds chirp... when suddenly, some ding-dong on an aqua-bike comes zooming through the trees, kicking up sand?

Then he bypasses you and gets right in the water, blowing past a girl chilling on her board. He sidles right up to some dudes in a slow-ass kayak, as though to say, "You call paddling a boat extreme? F*ck your boat to hell!" Finally, he drives his motorized vehicle directly into a group of surfers who are then dangerously exposed to its heat and mechanized wheels.

Wow, what a cool guy! My vacation is ruined, but at least I got to hear some very loud noise.

The City of Brotherly Love and Robot Murders

Left: HitchBot before its first journey in July of 2014. Right: Hitchbot within hours of reaching Philadelphia in July 2015.

For over a year, HitchBot travelled the world without working arms, legs, or wheels. It relied solely on human kindness to transport it and to keep its batteries charged, powering the smiling LED face, limited speech capabilities, and GPS tracker that reported to Twitter and the robot's creators where it was. It brought joy to thousands of people all over the world for a year. Then, two weeks ago, it came to America, where it brought joy to some people on the East Coast before imparting some final satisfaction to whatever depraved individuals smashed it to pieces, decapitated it, and left it for dead in a trash-strewn Philadelphia alley. It is the Cecil the Lion of the robot world.

Hitched my first ride! A lovely couple offered to help me out. Look out, New Brunswick -- Here I come! #hitchbot #NewBrunswick #hitchhiking #canada
A photo posted by @hitchbot on Jul 27, 2014 at 8:16am PDT

Its trip across Canada, and later Germany and the Netherlands, was an inspiration to the 50,000 people following it on Twitter and hundreds of thousands more who read about it online or heard about it on the news.

Look at the great pic Margot sent of our time together - I'm just glowing! #hitchbotpic.twitter.com/WLgVkcPNWF
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 1, 2014

Ich bin unterwegs! Einen so niedlichen und kauzigen Anhalter wie mich trefft Ihr sicherlich nicht alle Tage. pic.twitter.com/MSaPoLaWtc
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) February 13, 2015

Today I visited Neuschwanstein Castle thanks to a ride from some new friends. How lovely on Valentine's Day! pic.twitter.com/J6hmt90VZp
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) February 14, 2015

Time for a well-balanced breakfast before continuing my travels. Robots cannot feel jealousy, but apparently dogs can pic.twitter.com/kN4fjsqEGq
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) July 21, 2015

Getting ready for my trip to Deutschland. It won't be easy for me to tweet in German: some words are so long. pic.twitter.com/npz4jw6w8W
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) January 23, 2015

I love seeing new places, meeting new people, and making furry friends #hitchbot. Pics by Jordan. pic.twitter.com/ehArMJp1UG
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 5, 2014

Here's another nice pic sent by Jordan who took me to the Powwow at Wikwemikong #hitchbotpic.twitter.com/RSAgFDQ527
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 3, 2014

Thanks @aballinga@TorontoStar for another great story about my trip: http://t.co/28gKUgau79
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 15, 2014

Jordan and his family took me to meet Wiarton Willie #wiarton#hitchbotpic.twitter.com/bO85EDUH85
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 3, 2014

Had a good rest and I am now on my way to Manitoulin Island! Got picked up by a very friendly driver #hitchbotpic.twitter.com/9fW6cEIWEn
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 2, 2014

Then, it got to Philadelphia. The city that pelted a visiting football team with snowballs, threw ice balls at Santa Claus, threw "D" batteries at a guy who asked the Phillies for too much money, required a court in Veterans Stadium, cheered for a guy's neck injury, booed an Irish Tenor for singing a verse of "God Bless America" that normally gets left out, and of course, firebombed their own citizens with napalm.

Oh dear, my body was damaged, but I live on with all my friends. Sometimes bad things happen to good robots! #hitchBOTinUSA
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 1, 2015

EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: evidence of vandalized hitchhiking robot in #philly. #hitchBOTinUSA trip is over.... pic.twitter.com/VAjvGQzF3u
— AndreaWBZ (@AndreaWBZ) August 1, 2015

You know, the city whose name in Greek translates to Brotherly Love. The place America was founded. That Philadelphia.

My trip must come to an end for now, but my love for humans will never fade. Thanks friends: http://t.co/DabYmi6OxHpic.twitter.com/sJPVSxeawg
— hitchBOT (@hitchBOT) August 1, 2015

Anyway, HitchBot dead now, turning the hashtag #hitchBOTinUSA into a place of mourning and wondering what the hell is wrong with us. Sorry, Canada and the world. I don't know why you trusted us with your life affirming toys. That was dumb of you.

I turned 30 this week, which means it's time to start asking myself the big questions.

Last decade, I learned not to trust anyone else to make my damn cake.

Who am I? What is my purpose in life? How can I turn that information into a thinkpiece and get mad clicks from Internet fans? After all, if there's one thing I've learned in my 20s, it's that traffic is what really matters.

Here are 20 other important lessons I learned in my 20s:

1. It's easy to pretend to be informed on almost any serious issue by saying, "I know—and did you see that piece in the Times today?"

2. A true friend cancels when they can tell the other person isn't up for it but doesn't want to cancel cause they canceled last time.

3. The main purpose of Facebook is to talk about how much you hate everything you see people post on Facebook.

4. You can save time by going ahead and saying "I know it's extra" before you order guacamole.

5. The moment you start making custom napkins for your wedding is the moment you can no longer claim to be a laid back bride.

6. Your siblings are the only people who really get you, which is slightly terrifying because look how they turned out.

7. Everyone eats the entire box of Annie's Mac & Cheese. No reason to be ashamed.

8. Get there early for a long bus ride because otherwise you're not going to be able to get a seat next to your husband since people sitting alone will refuse to move even if you're 6 months pregnant and stand in the aisle loudly lecturing them about compassion.

9. The hardest part of pregnancy is interacting with women who enjoy being pregnant.

10. Networking may feel silly, but it's really the best way to stay on top of what's going on with your parents' friends.

11. Speaking of your parents, they're way less annoying now that you need them to babysit.

12. There's a big difference between the Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off one item coupons and the rare 20% off your entire order coupons. Also, they will honor both long past the expiration date.

13. Make a budget and then laugh and laugh and laugh until you're in a mild hysteria that can only be quieted by splurging on a Kate Spade crossbody bag.

14. It's actually weirdly hard to name all 50 states. Go ahead and try. No cheating.

15. No one reads all the way to the end of Internet lists, so don't worry if you can only think of 15 painfully honest lessons you learned in your 20s. Honestly, 15 is plenty.