Looks like this guy is dressing like a Ninja Turtle at his wedding.

On Wednesday, August 26th, Nic Vargus posted the tweet above. As you can see, it has well over 100K retweets, so it looks like he's going to possibly ruin the day his wife has been planning since she was a little girl by dressing like a giant, pizza-loving mutant reptile. Nic told the Washington Post that it started out as a joke. He's not even engaged to his girlfriend Lindsey yet, but as he watched the tweet go viral, he changed his mind about whether he would actually wear this.

What was once a joke has now become a good reason for his girlfriend to not say yes. Nic said, "If we’re so lucky as to get married, there’s no question — I’m wearing the turtle suit. I’m really hoping for something custom-made." Personally, I hope he goes for this one:

Nic has some advice for anyone who wants a tweet to go viral, and that is to "tweet something that’s almost too dumb for words." Congratulations on figuring out exactly how the Internet works!

Two things Billy accomplished in 2015 were sitting for a cliché photo shoot and eating some freshly mowed grass.

This cute baby boy still needs to work on his coordination. His father, Redditor Cousinerik, is not afraid to let the world know about his still-developing movement skills. If you've been on Instagram like, ever, you've seen everyone showing their offspring in the best possible filter. That's why it's so great to see this child face-planting in the middle of a look-at-my-adorable-baby photo session. And don't get me wrong, he looks great! I've looked far worse when I face-plant, which still happens since I occasionally mix exhaustion with unlimited-booze brunch.

Oh Billy, your parents' decision to exploit your blooper for the delight of the Internet truly was a noble gesture.

This needs to become a meme, ASAP. Get on it, Internet, this is what you were made for!

The video below shows an idiot teenager fulfilling his role in society as an idiot teenager.

The title of this video is "A ride on the roof of the metro train," and the content delivers exactly what it promises. It starts out with some POV parkour while the moron teen in question gets his poor-decision-making butt atop a moving train. He really thinks he is on top of the world, and seems as excited as Jack from Titanic to feel the wind in the hair growing out of his stupid head. Jack dies at the end, though, which I hope doesn't happen to this kid.

He runs down the moving train, jumps across train cars, spins around, and shows off his annoying hand tattoo, which is probably a better decision than RUNNING ON A MOVING TRAIN. He won't have to worry about covering up his hand tattoo for interviews if he's dead, though. The Mission Impossible fan in me is transfixed by this stunt, but the rational adult in me is literally screaming, both about how dangerous it is, and about the terrible soundtrack.

A teenager in Ontario with a rare disease is turning 19 years old.

Devin Scullion has progeria, which is a genetic disorder that causes rapid aging. He has beat the odds by surviving to the age of 19. His mother, Jamie Madley, told CTV News his survival was aided by a drug still in clinical trials that has helped slow down Devin's aging. He is the oldest person alive today with progeria.

Like most teenagers, Devin says he wants to ""Have fun in life," and wisely adds "you only have one." Both Devin and Jamie seem to have a great outlook and they stay positive. It's so moving, you'd have to be a callous jerk not to cry while listening to Devin's take on life. He likes to play video games, hang out with friends, and he says "I'm going to live, I'm going to survive this...I will kick progeria's butt. I promise you that."

In case you missed it: pop star Miley Cyrus was interviewed right before her Video Music Award Hosting gig, and she had a lot of trash to talk about Nicki Minaj:

“I think there’s a way you speak to people with openness and love. You don’t have to start this pop star against pop star war. It became Nicki Minaj and Taylor in a fight, so now the story isn’t even on what you wanted it to be about. Now you’ve just given E! News ‘Catfight! Taylor and Nicki Go at It.’ I know you can make it seem like, Oh I just don’t understand because I’m a white pop star. I know the statistics. I know what’s going on in the world. But to be honest, I don’t think MTV did that on purpose.”

Well, last night Nicki Minaj won a VMA for her "Anaconda" video, in the Best Hip-Hop Video category, and she took her moment to let Miley know how she feels:

If you're wondering what Miley Cyrus' face looked like before they cut to her, it can best be described as, "Oh, f*ck no.":

And here's Rebel Wilson in the background being like, "Sweet lord!":

Can you imagine being dressed like this:

And having to come up with some serious response to Nicki Minaj in front of the entire world? It's like being caught with your pants down, except you deliberately didn't wear pants. She dealt with it as well as she could, in the five seconds before she had to get back to that teleprompter, saying: “Hey, we’re all in this industry, we all do interviews and we all know how they manipulate shit. Nicki, congratulations.”

And here was her inner monologue: "Deep breath. Exhale. Cue the next stupid thing. Why am I wearing this? Wait a sec. I'm mad."

That's when she threw some more darts Nicki's way ,about how losing at the VMAs isn't a big deal, they're just an award. PERSEVERE, LIKE MILEY DOES, NICKI MINAJ! Nicki had just won an award, and her problem with the VMAs as she expressed it had to do with racism, which isn't something Miley Cyrus has persevered against. But when you're wearing a giant pair of red lips over your vagina on stage, any distraction from the issue at hand is probably welcome.

Last night at the VMAs, Kanye announced he's going to run for president in 2020. Just another reason why it's important for young people to watch TV.

When West was presented the Video Vanguard award, he made an honest 12-minute speech about art, his reputation, millennials, and the future. And most shockingly of all, he criticized all brands. This was a rare moment in the show that didn't feel planned by our VMA overlords to stir up excitement (unlike Taylor lying that College Dropout was the first album she bought on iTunes).

Here's the full text of the speech (via Rolling Stone): 

Bro. Bro. Listen to the kids.

First of all, thank you Taylor for being so gracious and giving me this award this evening. I often think back to the first day I met you, also. I think about when I'm in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice and at the end, they say, "Oh, you're not that bad after all." It crosses my mind a little bit when I go to a baseball game and 60,000 people boo me; crosses my mind a little bit. If I had to do it all again, what would I have done? Would I have worn a leather shirt? Would I have drank a half a bottle of Hennessey and gave the rest of it to the audience? Y'all know you drank that bottle too. If I had a daughter at that time, would I have went onstage and grabbed the mic from someone else?

This arena, tomorrow, is going to be a completely different setup. This stage will be gone. After that night, the stage was gone, but the effect that it had on people remained. The problem was the contradiction; I do fight for artists, but in that fight, I somehow was disrespectful to artists. I didn't know how to say the right, perfect thing.

I sat at the Grammys and saw Justin Timberlake and Cee Lo lose; Gnarls Barkley and the FutureSex/LoveSounds album. I ain't trying to put you on blast, but I saw that man in tears. He deserved to win Album of the Year. And this small box that we are as the entertainers of the evening, how could you explain that? All this shit they run about beef and all that, sometimes I feel like that I died for artists to be able to have an opinion after they were successful.

I'm not no politician, bruh. And look at that [points to screen]. You know how many times MTV ran that footage again? Because it got them more ratings. You know how many times they announced Taylor was going to give me the award. Because it got them more ratings. Listen to the kids, bruh!

I still don't understand award shows. I don't understand how they get five people who work their entire life, won, sell records, sell concert tickets, to come, stand on a carpet and for the first time in their life, be judged on the chopping block and have the opportunity to be considered a loser. I don't understand it, bro! I've been conflicted. I just wanted people to like me more. But fuck that, bro! 2015. I will die for the art — for what I believe in — and the art ain't always gonna be polite.

Y'all might be thinking, "I wonder. Did he smoke something before he came out here?" The answer is, "Yes, I rolled up a little something. I knocked the edge off." I don't know what's going to happen tonight; I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. But all I can say to my fellow artists: just worry about how you feel at the time, man.

I'm confident. I believe in myself. We the millenials, bruh. This is a new mentality. We not going to control our kids with brands. We not going to teach low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We going to teach our kids that they can be something. We can teach our kids that they can stand up for themselves. We going to teach our kids to believe in themselves. If my grandfather was here right now, he would not let me back down.

I don't know what I finna lose after this. It don't matter, though; It's not about me. It's about ideas. New ideas. People with ideas. People who believe in truth. And yes, as you probably could've guessed by this moment, I have decided in 2020 to run for president.

She was proving a point about the beauty of motherhood and how great her boobs are.

Kim's cleavage might be on fleek in this picture, but her choice of emojis is on Top Flight Fleek. The double baby bottles raise an important point about motherhood – it makes your boobs fill up with milk (fun fact). Kim also shared these other bikini selfies over the weekend:

Was she boosting her self-esteem because she knew people would make fun of her dress at the VMAs? Or was she getting the hype train rolling in anticipation of her husband's big announcement? Or was she just taking selfies like she always does? Yeah, it was that one.

If you didn't catch it, Nicki Minaj called out Miley Cyrus last night for some comments she made to the press right before the VMAs:

Since this feud is the child of another feud that started between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift over a month ago, lots of people are saying the whole thing was generated for ratings and press for all parties involved. MTV was very quick to put up this Instagram post as soon as Nicki Minaj left the stage:

Though, any idiot working for MTV could probably guess that there'd be some sort of confrontation between the two celebs, and could have that simple Photoshop job prepared (though that's a very unflattering pic of Minaj, someone's picking sides!). There are also folks saying Nicki smiled at some point during her rant:

Though that doesn't look so much like a smile as a triumphant glare, tipping over into madness. What it really comes down to is if you believe Miley Cyrus' expression was an honest reaction when Nicki turned on her in front of everybody:

Enhanced

Verdict: this is bonafide Grade A beef. Mainly because Miley Cyrus doesn't seem like the kind of celeb who wants attention for being called a bitch by another pop star. It's unlikely she'd agree to a stunt that makes her look so bad. She wants attention for smoking weed, being open to kissing people of all genders who are also super hot, and stuff like this:

Logan Paul is a Vine star who can do crazy things with his body.

For his latest stunt, the set-up was simple: He went around NYC doing the splits in public places. Instead of just being a generic "people react to X" video, he put his own weird signature twist on it by adding a deadpan facial expression and a single trumpet blast for each split. It's a pretty amazing compilation and a great introduction to his other work. 

Check it out below, and get ready to laugh but also cringe at the thought of your hamstrings ever doing that. 

A few questions: Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Last night during the VMAs, Miley Cyrus and Snoop Dog did a sketch about pot brownies, because if you haven't heard, Miley loves weed, oh yes she loves it so much. In the sketch, Miley's grandmother cooks the brownies with rainbow lasers that come out of her eyes, which is chill. But Miley referred to her grandmother, multiple times, as "mammy," a racially charged word associated with slavery.

Viewers quickly took to Twitter to wonder what-how-why-huh-who.

Chance the Rapper wrote two popular tweets giving context to the word. 

Apparently, this is actually, for some reason, what Grandma Cyrus goes by in real life. (Skip to 2:24)

But hearing the offensive term on TV lead to a series of rightly um-blink-did-I-hear-that-correctly thoughts.

In conclusion, a giant question mark.

A brilliant young man added a shortcut to his parents' phones every time they type the word "no."

A Redditor known as nasshole shared this screenshot on Sunday. As you can see, he came up with an extremely inventive way to get his parents' permission to do whatever he wants: he rigged their phones so they can't say "no."

It seems clever when you see the shortcut he programmed into his mom's phone but when you see the one for his dad's, you realize the full extent of his genius. Kudos to you, nasshole. Kudos.

On the list of unnecessary jokes to make, this "police strippers" gag is probably number one:

Yes, lots of people are upset about police violence. Maybe it's not such a hot idea to bring that up as a segway to taking off your clothes? And she didn't even take off that many clothes! Was it even worth it, Rebel?

The Internet, of course, was on it to let Ms. Wilson know that making light of a serious issue at Miley Cyrus's nipple and weed party was in poor taste:

It's possible that as an uncouth Australian, Rebel Wilson doesn't really understand the simmering tension currently gripping the American people around issues of police brutality and racial justice. Maybe she'll learn from how this joke flopped, because aside from when she ripped off her top, the whole bit didn't get a super warm response. Except from Twitter, obviously, though that response would be better described as "heated."

The sound of hundreds of screaming rubber ducks will haunt your memory forever after watching this video.

Kevin237 was at the store trying to "embarrass his girlfriend." I have no idea what he means by that and why his attempt to embarrass her would involve a shopping cart full of rubber ducks, but some questions are better left unanswered. He basically discovered that when you squeeze multiple rubber ducks at once, they create a cacophony of duck wails that make it sound like they're all loudly mourning the death of a fellow duck. It's hard to explain. Just watch the video. And then change your phone alarm sound. You'll get what I mean. 

Bieber, why do you cry?

Biebs took the VMA stage to perform a new song with a lot of beeping sounds and nail some jumping choreography. Then, mid-performance, he broke out into a heartfelt spoken word session:

Life is a journey, sometimes a battle, full of the unexpected. Sometimes we focus on the destination and forget to focus on that journey. But when you fall, it allows you to get up stronger. It allows you not to lean on your own understanding, give in to faith, believe in something bigger than yourself. You find your own purpose. 

That was followed by a lot of surprised, visceral laughing, from people watching their TVs everywhere.

And then Justin Bieber got into a tube of light and flew into the VMA sky:

When the song was over, he was so something that he cried. Happy? Sad? Nostalgic? Overwhelmed? Jealous? Proud? Scared? Having an anxiety attack?

The motivation for the tears is unknown, but we can be sure that he was full out sobbing, and that it's not enough to make everyone forget that bratty deposition.

All feuds must die.

Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj had a very public Twitter feud last month, a fight that inspired many other feuds, both real and fake. The two made nice publicly, but most people were salivating for more beef between the two pop stars to start sizzling on the Video Music Award grill. That's a crazy metaphor, but you get it. Well, put away your steak sauce, because all we got was this orchestrated, animatronic performance of Bad Blood in coordinated outfits. And these generic well-wishes written by saccharine social media managers:

This ersatz make-up, however, does bolster the argument that the beef unleashed (what is it a cow or a tiger? This metaphor is crazy!) on the VMA stage last night between Nicki and Miley Cyrus was completely real. Compared to this choreographed "we're cool" blandness, Nicki calling Miley a "bitch" is biting social commentary.

Celebrity baby name factoid alert!

[Disclosure: I also share a name with a Disney princess, but it's a really cool Disney princess, and I was born before the movie came out, and this isn't about me.]

Actress Rachel Bilson and you-probably-forgot-he-was-her-husband Hayden Christensen named their baby Briar Rose. And Christensen told Us Weekly the reason: 

"There’s a Disney reference there I suppose. The original Sleeping Beauty is called Briar Rose. Rachel — we both love Disney — but Rachel especially was very keen on the name."

Yeah, I suppose that is a reference when you give someone the exact same name as a character whom you love. I see the connection.

But Briar Rose is kind of an obscure reference (at least it's not "Br'er Rose"—that would be a whole different news story). If they really wanted people to get the Disney aspect, they should have just gone with Sleeping Beauty Bilson-Christensen. Or Minnie Mouse .

Cut Video put together this travelogue of exciting international potties.

Have you ever wondered what public toilets look like in India? Or Thailand? Or Colombia? Don't pretend you haven't.

Thankfully, you don't need to wonder anymore. The clever folks at Cut Video sent their producer/urinator Blaine all over the world to find interesting and exotic toilets and then pee in them. As you can see, he addressed the assignment with urgency.

There's much to be learned from this video. Mostly that if you're traveling in New Delhi, you should hold it in.