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Ellen DeGeneres gives you the GOP debate you really wanted to see: Trump vs. Trump vs. Trump.

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Ellen doesn't really watch the debates, which makes sense—she is Ellen, neutral priestess of television's Happy Zone—but as she herself readily admits, she does care about TV ratings. And the Trump vs the GOP debates have been a ratings bonanza. Realizing that Trump is driving these amazing viewership numbers, she created this 30-second clip of a stage full of Trumps debating each other, figuring it would be irresistible to watch. She was right:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKqW4gw4wsg

 


Good news! You can now be that person who wears a sexy #TheDress Halloween costume.

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The good folks at Yandy.com, who previously made it possible for to dress up as sexy French fries, have now delivered the Halloween costume we all know someone who would wear: a sexy #TheDress costume

Wow, where did they find a model with blue and black hair?

In case you've been on a monastic retreat in the mountains of Nepal since before February, #TheDress was a fun Internet phenomenon where everyone fought over the color of this dress.

Oh boy, people sure are gonna reminisce when they see that costume.

To some, it looked gold and white. To others, it looked blue and black. (The correct answer is that it looked gold and white at first but then suddenly switched to blue and black, because that's what happened to this reporter.) After much debate, we discovered that the actual dress is black and blue. You can also buy the real #TheDress as a costume, but you're gonna have to cut some strategic slits to make it sexy. 

Grandfather gives amazing dance performance for ungrateful audience of little kids.

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I have never seen moves like this from anyone, let alone a grandpop. The title of this video is "Abuelo le da la chiripiorca." "Abuelo" means grandfather, and apparently, "chiripiorca" means "guy who is spazzing out in the fashion of a silly character on a TV variety show." That's the best translation I could come up with, but my experience with Spanish-language TV means this explanation makes enough sense to me. Like Monty Python's Camelot, Spanish-language variety shows are a silly place. Not silly enough for these kids, though, who totally don't appreciate what they're getting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPFPTMv2bVk

 

Everything you wanted to know about whether your iPhone 6S will bend, scratch or burn.

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As you may recall, it was kind of a big deal last year when it was revealed that the then-new iPhone 6 would bend under mere pocket-level pressures. Naturally, now that the new, improved, metallic iPhone 6S has been released, people like JerryRigEverything want to test it again (this time against a box cutter and fire as well). I have to say, the flame test is actually pretty impressive. I did not think the iPhone would just recover from being burned like that:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve4sejMLkUw

Long story short, the keys and coins in your pocket won't scratch your phone, but you probably shouldn't carry open box cutters in your pocket. That's good advice in general, I think. Oh, or sandpaper. The phone will bend, but it looks like you need to apply enough force that you'd have to be determined to kill the phone anyway. Once things have escalated with Siri to that extent, there's nothing the designers in Cupertino can do. 

Man wisely tries to kill spider with fire; unwisely forgets he's at a gas station.

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"Kill it with fire" is the standard Internet response to spiders, whether there are hundreds of millions of them blanketing an abandoned factory, falling off the ceiling in clumps in an infested house, or merely exploding into a few hundred mini-spiders when they're smashed. This rule, however, does not apply at gas stations. Someone forgot to tell this crucial fact to a man in Center Line, Michigan, just north of Detroit. The man later admitted to being deathly afraid of spiders and having panicked when he saw one on his gas tank, which led him to grab his lighter. I bet you can predict what happened next:

Fortunately, gas station employee Susan Adams calmly hit the automatic shutoff switch to the gas when she saw what this man's spider-fear had wrought, limiting the damage to a single pump. Apparently, the other employees at the gas station have all been watching the security tape over and over since this happened earlier this week. The shame hasn't deterred the man from being a regular customer, however, and he returned the same day. "He was sorry," said Susan Adams, "He was sorry, he said he didn't know. It is just one of those things that happen - stupidity." I couldn't have put it better myself.

Does this 'Game of Thrones' set photo show [REDACTED] walking around alive?

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If you clicked on this, I really hope I don't have to give you a spoiler warning, but nevertheless: plot and theory spoilers within. We here at Someecards are very preoccupied with whether or not Jon Snow is dead. Our hunch tells us that Kit Harrington's smoldering good looks and even more smoldering personality are simply too compelling for him to die, even in George R.R. Martin's unforgiving universe. Now, an unauthorized set photo may prove that Kit Harrington is not just in Northern Ireland so they can burn Jon Snow's body in the premiere or shoot some flashbacks. Are you ready?

https://twitter.com/DailyMailCeleb/status/647494295319105536

A lot of people are saying that the man in the center sporting a top-knot is, in fact, Kit Harrington as Jon Snow. Except he's wearing Stark clothes now, not Night's Watch gear. This suggests that dying at the end of Season 5 may have released Jon from his Night's Watch vows (they are until death, y'know), and he is now free to embrace his destiny as a Stark. More speculative is the opinion that the woman seen under the umbrella in the photo is Lady Melisandre, played by Carice van Houten. Fan theories state that either Melisandre will revive Jon in the Season 6 premiere, or that the blood magic she used in burning Princess Shireen Baratheon alive already pre-paid for his resurrection. It should also be noted that Jon is, in fan theories, probably also half-Targaryen, which would prevent him from being burned in a funeral pyre. Is all of this speculation? YES. But what else do we have?

Taylor Swift and Steven Tyler just performed the biggest hit of 1997 on her '1989' world tour.

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Taylor Swift drew another megastar into her circle, leading to concern that if any more stars are added, she and her squad may collapse into a black hole of celebrity. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler joined T-Swift in Nashville, TN (where Swift got her start), and performed "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" on Friday night to such thunderous applause, the sound waves from the claps could have deflected an incoming asteroid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUsLUGRgPF0

Okay, sound waves don't work in space, but we're talking about Armageddon, so the laws of physics don't really matter, anyway.

Weekend


Here's how much Facebook and Twitter make off each user. Should you be getting a cut?

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Great meme, buddy! Here's an improbable amount of money.

You do a lot for Facebook. Frankly, so do we (odds are, Facebook is how you clicked on this article), but none of us are being paid for it. Every second you waste staring at it is a second spent scrolling past ads, and every time you make a post you give your friends a reason to waste even more seconds scrolling past their own ads. Every piece of content you give it or click on gives Facebook the power to charge higher rates on the next ad. How much does Facebook make from you? According to the Guardian, it depends, like so many things, on whether you're an American.

Related: Here are 11 incredibly stupid Facebook moments to mark the 11th birthday of Facebook.

Worldwide, each user is currently making Facebook about $12.76 a year (up 20% from last year), but that's a hefty $48.76 if you're a US citizen, compared to a paltry $7.75 for everyone else. For Twitter, Americans make the company $24.48 annually, and everyone else makes $3.51. According to "web philosopher" (and Microsoft employee) Jaron Lanier, users should get paid some of that cash every time they hand over the personal info to "spy agencies" (as he calls social networks) that makes them so much more valuable to advertisers.

Getting a cut of less than fifty bucks annually may not sound like much, but let's keep in mind that it's the users that give anyone a reason to come to Twitter and Facebook (and let's face it—many users are far more entertaining than others). When was the last time you liked a post from Facebook, Inc? Furthermore, the most active users contribute the most to the site. Would you visit Facebook if it was really just your relatives chatting? It's also where you find viral content, new videos, and news stories. 

Related: Here's your front row seat to 14 hilariously brutal Facebook fights.

There's a reason Facebook started integrating content from BuzzFeed and the New York Times directly onto the site. Those outlets presumably get paid for this, since viewing it on Facebook means users aren't going to their site and seeing ads. But what about ordinary users who just happen to be really good at finding cool stuff and bringing it to everyone's attention? This gets even more stark for video: ever since Facebook started hosting video directly, it's meant no ads whatsoever, unlike YouTube. Anyone who posts a video on Facebook gives it to Mark Zuckerberg for free, for him to make money from.

Related: This may be the greatest comment section in the history of Facebook.

Likewise, it's well-known that the most active Twitter users account for a disproportionate amount of the site's activity. If the people who drive the site's debates and viral hashtags went away, it really would be the "here's what I'm eating for lunch" site everyone joked about in 2007. Shouldn't those people get paid for bringing everyone else to the party?

Related: Twitter explodes after woman named Sarah O'Connor accidentally tweets ultimate 'Terminator' reference.

TL;DR—Everyone should get paid a little bit for exposing themselves to Facebook and Twitter, because advertisers will pay more to make sure their message gets to the right kind of people. Frankly, I'd go a step further and say the content creators who make visiting the site worthwhile (like on YouTube) should get another cut. In conclusion, I hope I'm not banned from Facebook for this.

Creative genius turns 90s sign language tapes into a music video about dick jokes.

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Fun fact: American Sign Language (ASL) is the third most common language in the US after English and Spanish. That's the most you're going to learn about sign language today, though, despite the fact that this video from Rufus Paisley (creatively titled "mydick.mov") consists of nothing but 90s ASL instructional VHS footage. Seamlessly edited into a NSFW music video for Mickey Avalon's 2006 "My Dick," this is three straight minutes of earnest sign language teachers collaborating to create one of the most absurd dick-related videos on the Internet. And that's saying a lot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwokgguGuZM

Related: Lose yourself in this woman's awesome sign language performance of Eminem's 'Lose Yourself.'

George Zimmerman retweets photo of Trayvon Martin's corpse, is not sorry.

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There have been many George Zimmerman stories since he was found not guilty for killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin, but this one may the worst. Regardless of whatever you thought at the time of his trial, George Zimmerman has found plenty of ways to offend people since. First of all, there are his terrible paintings, some of which were sold to support that "Muslim-free" gun store in Florida. There was that time he threatened his pregnant girlfriend with weapons and she called 911 (there were three domestic violence incidents overall). There was that time he was involved in a road-rage shooting. In fact, we're barely scratching the surface here. 

All of those incidences prove he's a douche, and although his far-right folk hero status (which he has since embraced, along with an ever-present cigar in his photos) indicated he might be kinda proud of what he done did that night, he never actually said or did anything to prove that. Until Friday night, that is, when he retweeted one of his admirers:

For the record, George Zimmerman is in fact less than 1/7th as cool as the White Stripes song.

This screenshot, saved by RawStory, shows Zimmerman (@TheRealGeorgeZ) retweeting @SeriousSlav's breathless fan letter, "@TheRealGeorgeZ Z-Man is a one man army,” complete with a photo of Martin's dead body. One would think that seeing the body of someone you killed during a confusing night would fill you with sadness and you'd avoid it at all cost. But this is George Zimmerman, and he wanted to share it with the world. The tweet has since been deleted (although retweets including @SeriousSlav laughing about the photo have not been), but this isn't exactly new for Zimmerman. His timeline is actually full of Martin's picture, since he regularly responds to (and mocks and threatens) people who write to him calling him a murderer. 

https://twitter.com/TherealGeorgeZ/status/639835177712230400https://twitter.com/TherealGeorgeZ/status/639839542640549888

And more standard far-right fare.

https://twitter.com/TherealGeorgeZ/status/639437773980758016https://twitter.com/TherealGeorgeZ/status/646415046197792768

You can't exactly call his social media strategy unsuccessful, since he has had way more of a public afterlife than I think anyone anticipated. You can call it awful, however. You can definitely call it that.

Chris Brown tried to tour Australia. Australia had a pretty awesome response.

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Chris Brown hasn't had much success rehabilitating his image since the days of bruising Rihanna's face and then getting Rihanna's bruised face tattooed on his neck. He's mostly coped by looking really sad in group photos of celebrities, but moping near other rappers on Kylie Jenner's Instagram page isn't enough for Australia (despite the fact that under previous Australian administrations, Brown was allowed to tour in 2011 and 2012). The Land Down Under is officially not down with Brown touring the country, with Immigration Minister Peter Dutton saying Brown's visa had been denied"on character grounds." Brown has 28 days to appeal the decision. But Dutton wasn't the one leading the charge.

It was widely expected Brown would be denied after Australia's Minister for Women Michaelia Cash said on Thursday, "People need to understand if you are going to commit domestic violence and then you want to travel around the world, there are going to be countries that say to you, ‘You cannot come in because you are not of the character we expect in Australia,’ and certainly, without pre-empting the decision of the minister, I can assure you it is something that the minister is looking at."

In case you think this is unusual, keep in mind that Chris Brown is also not allowed to enter Canada for the same reason.

Workplace

Now watch these grandmas whip, nae nae.

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It's a match made in meme heaven. It's adorable to watch older ladies try new things, from getting Disney princess makeovers to smoking weed. These grandmas attempted the latest dance craze, the Whip, followed by the nae nae. As one of the grandmas points out, the whip and the nae nae are essentially line dances, a natural evolution from the "mashed potatoes" and the "madison." Maybe we can sent one of them up with this handsome 98 year old and they can nae nae at the wedding. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=1&v=FPA6e0wD90Q

 

Jim Gaffigan opened for the Pope and got booed for making a Santa Claus joke.

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It's not always funny in Philadelphia. International headliner Jim Gaffigan served as the Pope's warm-up comic on the pontiff's recent trip to Philly, and might not have had a holy experience. Gaffigan, a comic known for his clean, family-friendly routines and his devout Catholicism, pushed buttons with a topical joke referencing the notorious 1968 Eagles game at which fans booed Santa Claus at a halftime Christmas celebration. The city is still embarrassed 47 years later, and when Gaffigan brings it up, the crowd goes silent and lets out some boos. 

 


WARNING: Trump went on 60 Minutes last night to outline his terrifying presidential policies.

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With a Donald Trump presidency in the realm of possibility, people are beginning to ask what his leadership would actually look like. Scott Pelley, anchor of 60 Minutes and surprisingly sassy guy, sat down with Trump at the candidate's Fifth Avenue penthouse. It didn't take long for Trump to reveal he knows just as little about policy as you'd imagine.

When asked about his tax plan, Trump said that he'd make significant tax cuts for the middle class, but didn't say what or how. When Pelley demanded an explanation, they had this cute little back-and-forth

Donald Trump: We're talking about people in the low-income brackets that are supposed to be paying taxes, many of them don't anyway.

Scott Pelley: You're talking about making part of the population exempt from income tax?

Donald Trump: That is correct.

Scott Pelley: You're talking about cutting corporate income taxes?

Donald Trump: That is correct.

Scott Pelley: But there's a $19 trillion federal debt.

Donald Trump: That's right. We're gonna grow the economy so much--

Scott Pelley: You can't afford to do those things--

Another shining moment involves Trump laying down his foreign policy vision, which boils down to: "Russia wants to get rid of ISIS. We want to get rid of ISIS. Maybe let Russia do it. Let 'em get rid of ISIS. What the hell do we care?"

Even when Pelley wants to talk about the struggles that have defined The Donald's character, Trump responds in the Trumpiest way possible. At one point, the candidate discusses losing his brother at a young age to alcoholism and explains how that affects his habits today: "I've never had a drink. I own the largest winery on the East Coast, and yet I don't drink, which is a little weird."

And finally, just as George Washington himself was reluctant to become president when elected in 1789, Trump says he doesn't want to be president, but feels a sense of duty: "I didn't want to do this. I just see our country as going to hell. And I felt I had to do it." 

See if you can make it through the whole interview without punching your screen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws5npDW1_vY

 

Frances Bean Cobain married a dude who everyone is saying looks exactly like her dad.

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Frances Bean Cobain, the 23-year-old (extremely cool but how could she not be) daughter of tragic nineties angst icons Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, is married. She wedded musician Isaiah Silva earlier this week, and people are pointing out that he looks kind of familiar. In that he looks a lot like the Nirvana frontman, aka her dad

Here are pics of Silva from Frances Bean's Twitter:

https://twitter.com/alka_seltzer666/status/557781647924690945https://twitter.com/alka_seltzer666/status/506705923662815232https://twitter.com/alka_seltzer666/status/584818037561262081https://twitter.com/alka_seltzer666/status/474348230830854144

And here's Kurt Cobain:

https://twitter.com/alka_seltzer666/status/531658099040337921https://instagram.com/p/rM6egMMeqG/

Definitely a strong resemblance, although you do have to wonder if it's due to physical similarity or grunge style affinity. I mean this dude has a very "Smells Like Teen Spirit" vibe for 2015, not that that's a bad thing. And with the current wave of nineties nostalgia, maybe all guys in their twenties are going to look like this pretty soon. Isn't it a logical evolutionary step from the man bun?

According to E! News, the small wedding only had "13-15" guests (were two of them ghosts or something?), and Courtney Love was not sorry not to be one of them.

https://instagram.com/p/8Go7uBtVB_/

 

This woman got her dream job and was fired 30 minutes later because she looks like this.

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27-year-old Claire Shepherd is a retail merchandiser from Swansea, Wales. She has 6 years of experience, so it probably came as no surprise when she was offered a job after nailing a phone interview with Dee Set, a UK chain. But then, irony struck. Immediately after accepting the position, she got an email listing the company's dress code. Among other things, it mentioned that all employees must cover their tattoos, just in case any customer finds them offensive. Shepherd immediately knew that was going to be a problem.

How do you cover all that?

She knew that unless she came to work every day in a burka/opera glove ensemble, she'd never be able to hide all her ink. In particular, her double hand tattoos were going to give her considerable problems.

I used to do that with a ballpoint pen in high school.

Shepherd assumed that the policy was a holdover from the archaic dress codes of the past, so she emailed right back and explained her tats. What happened next shocked her to her tattooed core. Dee Set responded and informed her that because of her extensive body art, they were rescinding their offer of employment. The one they had given her a half hour before.

Stunned and outraged, Shepherd took her story to Facebook. Her post quickly went viral, with many tattoo-positive people coming to her defense:

TL;DR: Dee Set is in trouble.

After Shepherd's post hit the media, Dee Set backtracked as quickly as possible and offered her the job again. But she said no – she had already taken a job at B&M. There, her tattoos aren't an issue, just like at every other job she's had in the past six years. Pretty ironic that Dee Set's gesture to avoid offending customers has instead offended people all around the world. Either ironic or dumb.

It's nice to see that things worked out for Claire Shepherd. Regardless of anyone's personal opinion of tattoos, they're here to stay. And as the hipster generation continues to mature, everyone is going to have to get used to seeing inked-up people in the workplace, or else there won't be any acceptable workers left. And that goes for people who take duckface selfies too.

Great duckface.

 

This girl went on a threatening text rant when her date said he’d be an hour late.

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An Imgur user posted this text message monologue between himself and a woman who has never heard the saying, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, also maybe don't threaten someone by saying they'll never get to see you again while simultaneously making yourself seem like someone no one would ever want to see again in a million years." According to Reddit, the guy had to postpone his second date with this person by one hour and that's when this all started:

Okay. Blocked. Wait. No...now!

If you're wondering what he needs to grow some fkin hair on, you're not alone:

Ugh, thank god, this was haunting me.

 

Watch Pope Francis laugh his holy head off after seeing a baby in a Pope outfit.

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At the papal parade in Philadelphia on Saturday, Pope Francis saw a baby pope and thought it was hilarious. Here's how it went down: Dana and Daniel Madden dressed up their son Quinn for the holy procession down Ben Franklin Parkway. As the Pope was rounding a corner, he caught sight of their baby and started cracking up. He stopped his car, had one of his assistants bring the baby over, and gave the baby a smooch. That's not weird or anything; the Pope kisses babies all the time—it's a Pope thing. The assistant brought their baby back and told them that the Pope thinks they have a "great sense of humor." Here's the clip:

https://www.facebook.com/6abc.ActionNews/videos/10153230229101378/

And here's a pic of the baby:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10206648741370934&set=a.1135453200248.21632.1644873294&type=3

I imagine Pope Francis' laughter was the product of him warmly recalling the days when he was but a mere baby Pope. Ah, how the years pass right before our eyes. 

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