It is very funny to watch these ladies immediate reaction to seeing their makeovers. They're obviously expecting a moment in the mirror where they get to feel beautiful, cherished, pretty. Haha, stupid! You look like a stupid person with bad make-up! Pranks are the worst. After their natural reactions are under control, the women try really hard to talk positively about how they look, for the most part. By the end even the people who set this prank up seem kind of bummed, probably because the whole thing has now become a study in how far women will go to be polite. 

That poor girl who's afraid of clowns! She's been made over into her worst enemy.

Our grasp of reality is completely at the whim of J.K. Rowling. She's constantly revealing new tidbits of information that change everything we know about the Harry Potter world, our own society, and how to drive people insane via Twitter. The latest revision of reality courtesy of Rowling comes from the screenplay of the forthcoming Harry Potter prequel film, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. According to Entertainment Weekly, the film's American wizards don't refer to someone with no magical abilities as a "Muggle." Instead, the term is "No-Maj." As in "no magic." Get it, or do you need it spelled out for you, you No-Maj? Sorry.

The movie takes place in 1926 New York, so hopefully we'll also find out what American wizards in speakeasys call bathtub butterbeer.

Good comedy never gets old, so it's no surprise that the Internet's favorite new comic just happens to be an old man. Chuck Esterly is 89, and recently took a Stand Up Comedy 101 class at Sycamore Senior Centre, which is officially the cutest thing in the world. According to Go Bananas, 

“Students learned how to make their own stories hilarious, write and deliver jokes, timing and delivery, how to charm an audience and how different shows are structured. At the end of the class, students performed their routine at Pro-Am Night Go Bananas Comedy Club. Chuck was the head of the class.”

There's no doubt that Esterly got an A+. He told hilarious, self-deprecating jokes about his age, including one about the sexy widow across the street. Dick jokes must have been on the class' syllabus, and he has a good one: "I spent 150 dollars on a penis enlarger and they sent me a magnifying glass." 

Best of all, Esterly uses his age to reflect on universal themes, with this one you'll want to steal: "I have a chemical engineering background, so I spend a lot of time converting beer, wine, and liquor into urine." Esterly proves that Grampa Jokes are the new Dad Jokes. 

Mike Ryan, a senior entertainment writer at Uproxx, was trying to watch TV and enjoy a peaceful night at home when he suddenly found himself at the center of a penis blitzkrieg. First he was texted one dick pic, then another. Then the dirty messages started coming in. He had no idea what was happening, until he engaged the gentlemen behind the dicks in further conversation.

It turns out some mischevious Tinderella named Carilyn was requesting the pics from men on Tinder and giving them Ryan's number. Of course, as an Internet reporter, Ryan knew it was his duty to live-tweet the whole experience with screenshots. And for that, he is a hero. Here's the entire saga:

Kudos to you, Mike Ryan. You've earned yourself a Seinfeld/HBO marathon. Just turn your phone off first.

This Melbourne mom, who is only identified as "Jill," was filmed as she was dragged away from a protest while breastfeeding her 20-month-old son. The peaceful event was hosted by a group called FFFAD (Friends, Familes and Feminists Against Detention), who are know for hosting protests known as "pram jams" that are mostly filled with mothers. Here she is being dragged away:

Even though Jill obviously doesn't think she was in danger, that hasn't stopped other people from criticizing her, and not just because everyone has an opinion about public breastfeeding. Australian radio host Neil Mitchell blasted her decision to be at a peaceful protest, saying on air: "This would have been terrifying for the child...She should be ashamed of herself. You don't take a kid to a protest." Yeah, he looks real scared:

Jill was contacted by Mitchell's program to get her thoughts. Her thoughts are mostly along the lines of "you don't know what you're talking about." FFFAD was protesting to bring attention to a Somali refugee called Abyan, who was allegedly raped while awaiting immigration processing on a small island called Nauru, and has finally been allowed back into Australia to receive abortion services. Much of their work is around the conditions for refugees, like Abyan, who are being held in squalid detention centers. She sent them a statement saying:

As a mum, I think it's really important to teach my child to stand up for the rights of others. At no time yesterday was my child in danger. The children who are in danger are those in detention on Nauru. Australian and international health professionals agree that they are suffering from irreversible physical, intellectual and emotional damage.

When a government starts overseeing human rights abuses and ignoring international law, it's time for citizens - including mums and bubs - to undertake civil disobedience. If that means breastfeeding at a public service building, so be it! There are far worse things going on in detention camps, let's talk about that!"

And here they are in their delightful moment in the spotlight:

Can you believe it's been 20 years since you first saw The Baby-Sitters Club movie and started feeling like a shitty teenager for not having your own booming start-up business that also serves as a tight friend group? (Or possibly even longer, if you'd also been reading the Ann M. Martin books.) Well, it has. You're old now. And to celebrate, the cast of the movie reunited for a screening at the Alamo Draft House in Austin, Texas. 

In attendance were actors Schuyler Fisk (Kristy), Rachael Leigh Cook (Mary Anne), Larisa Oleynik (Dawn), Stacey Ramsower (Mallory), Bre Blair (Stacey), and Marla Sokoloff (Cokie Mason) as well as director Melanie Mayron. Obviously, many Instagram photos were taken.

They look pretty friendly, like a real professional organization of women monetizing their skillset while enjoying each other's company.

Serena Williams posted a story on her Facebook page about thwarting a thief in a restaurant who tried to steal her phone. She even added her own Superwoman picture to the post, because she flew through a wall and shot lasers out of her eyes to catch him. It was not actually that dramatic, and she may actually have exaggerated a few details of how she bolted out of the restaurant to catch him. But everyone likes to add a few embellishments to a good story, especially if it regards stopping a thief. Besides, there's no doubting she is a badass with superhero strength. Serena is known to destroy all her opponents, including her sister Venus, on the court. And she definitely doesn't like it if you ask her to smile. Here's her account of the incident:

Soooooo yesterday at dinner the CRAZIEST THING happened to me. I was sitting enjoying some Chinese food (delicious may I add) and this guy stands next to me. It was only 2 of us sitting at a 4 person table just chatting like we have not seen each other in years. Anyways I digress, so this guy is standing next to me and something (I have now dubbed it my SUPERHERO sense) told me to watch him. My phone was sitting in the chair but I just didn't feel right. He was there too long. "Is he a customer?" I thought "Is he waiting on the bathroom?" nonetheless I tried to shake his this eerie feeling. However, I kept watching him from the corner of my eye. Than when least expected low and behold this common petty thief grabbed my phone and swiftly left. I looked at the chair, than shouted "Omg that dude took my phone!!" Not thinking I reacted (hence the superwoman photo) I jumped up, weaved my way in and out of the cozy restaurant (leaping over a chair or two) and chased him down.
He began to run but I was too fast. (Those sprints came in handy) I was upon him in a flash! 
In the most menacing yet calm no nonsense voice I could muster I kindly asked him if he "accidentally" took the wrong phone. He stumbled on his words probably not expecting this to happen. While he was thinking of the right thing to say and eventually he said "Gosh you know what I did! It was so confusing in there. I must have grabbed the wrong phone."

Meanwhile My phone was ringing, my superhero sidekick quailman was face timing me so he could not possibly deny the allegations. I swiftly thanked him and left. 
Superhero? Maybe? Or HELL YEA!! I've got the speed the jumps, the power, the body, the seduction, the sex appeal, the strength, the leadership and yet the calm to weather the storm. 
Always listen to your superhero inner voice. Always keep your things close! Fight for what's right. Stand for what you believe in! Be a superhero! 
When I got back into the restaurant I received a standing ovation. I was proud. I just showed every man in there I can stand up to bully's and other men. It was a win for the ladies! 
Just because you are a lady don't be afraid to step up to any challenge and not be a victim but a hero! SuperSerena and her sidekick quailman.

ABC News posted a security video from the restaurant which shows Serena pursuing the bad guy. We don't see any leaps over chairs, but she is moving with purpose, and all the patrons take notice as she hustles outside to confront her thief:

Serena moved faster than a speeding bullet, and it's definitely due to all her tennis sprints and conditioning. Her confidence and strength do deserve a standing ovation, because this truly is a win for the ladies. That fool is lucky he coughed up the phone quickly, or the video probably would have shown him getting clobbered in the street.

A Georgia state trooper responded to a car crash on Halloween that killed Donald and Crystal Howard, the parents of four young children. The couple had gone out to grab more face paint and candy, and their car ran off the road less than a mile from home. When the troopers went to their house, the four kids, ages 6-13, were waiting in their costumes. Trooper Nathan Bradley was with the county deputy and deputy coroner when they realized the kids were home alone awaiting their parents' quick return from the errand. After learning that their closest relative lived in south Florida, he decided that it would be unthinkable to deliver such devastating news followed by an all-night wait in the police station for their grandmother to arrive. He described the experience on a GoFundMe page set up to help the kids following the tragedy:

The door hesitantly opened and there behind the locked screen door stood four children in full costume - a 13-year-old Freddy Krueger, 10-year-old daughter of a Dracula, 8-year-old wizard and a 6-year-old that appeared to be a firefighting ninja turtle. We were lost with words. I immediately fell ill. Not only would these children discover they lost both parents, but would spend their Halloween in a county jail until somebody could tend to them; it just wasn't right. I pulled the deputy coroner to the side and told him that I was split. I wanted to preserve these kids' Halloween and the ones to come. I suggested that I'd care for them until their family was able to. Being a retired commander with the state patrol, I desired his approval, which he eagerly gave.

Bradley asked the kids what they'd like to eat, and took them out for fast food and milkshakes. He was blown away by the cheerfulness and intelligence of the entire family. The eldest son discussed his father's military service, while the youngest daughter was thrilled to be with law enforcement since her favorite TV show is Law & Order: SVU.  He later received a call from his corporal, who informed him that he and his wife would be joining them to help salvage the night for the kids:

I have the best supervisors in the state, so I wasn't surprised when he told me that he was bringing his wife and their son to meet us. My Corporal arrived with his family, bringing some candy, popcorn and a variety of Disney films.

The kids enjoyed a night of movies and candy at the patrol station, where they also slept and showered. The troopers came together to ensure that the kids had a positive memory of Halloween before their lives would be changed forever. The grandmother arrived the next morning, and she delivered the news to the kids in person.

After the kids received the news, Bradley gave his number to the eldest son, Justin, who has since reached out to thank him for the outpouring of emotional and financial supported given to him, his brothers and his sisters:

Justin called me this morning and said he wishes he could express his gratitude. He and his siblings read each of your messages. I have received over 34,000 emails over night. I'm reading through them and it's just beautiful. We live in a great nation and what better way to show that than supporting this family of a veteran. 

The GoFundMe page is close to reaching its goal, thanks to Bradley and his continued concern for the kids. They have many Halloween nights ahead of them, and hopefully this one works to ensure that they're able to enjoy each and every one in the future.

If you could talk to your teenage self, what do you think "young you" would have to say now? "What do you mean we never ended up in a Johnny Depp and Christian Slater sandwich?!" Unfortunately, we don't have the technology for such conversations. Or do we? In 1977, when he was just 18, Peter "Stoney" Emshwiller had the foresight to set up such an interview. Emshwiller told TODAY.com,

 "It was the natural thing you go through when you're a teenager, right before you leave high school. 'What am I going to do with my life?' So I decided to ask my future self,"

With a state-of-the-art video cam (Emshwiller's dad was a filmmaker) teenage Peter videotaped himself for more than four hours asking his future self questions like: 

Are you exceedingly rich?

Are you a superstar? 

38 years later, he finally got answers. Some were funny, like when asked about his wife, future Peter replied, "She's 12 years old now, stay away from her." Other moments were touching, "Spend more time with Dad."

So how does it feel to talk to your 18 year old self? 

"I've let him down in just about everything," he says of his teen self. "He had such high hopes. He was the star in high school, in all the plays, winning all the awards and I thought back then it was going to go on like that. Like I would be George Clooney."

Sure, he's not George Clooney, but Emshwiller's life doesn't sound too disappointing. At 56 years old, he's been a novelist, an artist, a magazine editor, a filmmaker and an actor. Also, his nickname is "Stoney," so you know he's chill af.

Emshwiller is hoping to turn the interview into a film called "Later that Same Life." You can check out a preview here:

"The whole experience is trippy to watch, and even trippier if you're the one in both chairs." If a guy named Stoney is saying it's trippy, you better believe it's freakin' trippy.  

There are many factors in playing the game of love, but sometimes, one little thing can completely spoil the mood. People are sharing their dealbreakers on Twitter with the hashtag #YouWereSoHotUntil, which has become a vast repository of those pesky things that kill the vibe no matter how flirty, fun and full of potential it was before.

And no hashtag would be complete without the funny joke answers:

A drunk dude with serious problems was caught assaulting his Uber driver in this horrifying video, and got a very satisfying comeuppance after the driver uploaded the footage to YouTube for the world to see.  Here is the video of the attack (warning: it's pretty disturbing):

Here's what went down:

Benjamin Golden, 32, was heavily intoxicated in Newport Beach, Orange County and called for an Uber. Edward Caban, a driver for the company, took a call from around that area. When Caban pulled up to the curb, Golden got in the car, despite the fact that he was on the phone trying to locate another driver.

Caban asked Golden if he was going to the Black Night restaurant in Costa Mesa, the destination he was taking the original passenger to. Golden told him he was "close to there" and would "tell [Golden] where to go." Caban asked for a specific address and Golden refused, insisting on telling Caban where to turn.

As they were driving, Golden was "fading in and out of consciousness." He refused to comply with Caban's request that he wear a seatbelt. Despite the fact that he was giving bad directions, Golden got "belligerent and aggressive" with Caban, telling him to "fucking turn this piece of shit around" and that he better "turn his ass around." Caban started to feel uncomfortable, so he prepared to kick Golden out of his car. He turned his dashcam around, got his pepper spray handy, and pulled into a well-lit shopping center.

He calmly told Golden to get out of his car, but Golden refused. They went back-and-forth for a bit, until Caban threatened to call the police. Golden then starts to get out, but not before repeatedly hitting and slapping Caban. Caban "fumbled with the safety on the pepper spray," before getting it off and spraying Golden in the face.

Caban called the police. They had an easy time arresting Golden, since he was still in the shopping center, vomiting from the pepper spray. This occurred around 8 P.M. and he was let go after "signing a written promise to appear in court." Here is his mugshot:

After the video was released, people discovered that Golden was a marketing executive for Taco Bell. Here's one of his professional headshots:

Taco Bell quickly fired him and released the following statement:

Given the behavior of the individual, it is clear he can no longer work for us. [...] We have also offered and encouraged him to seek professional help.

It also turns out that Golden was arrested in Kentucky in 2012 for a DUI:

In addition to facing four misdemeanors (which could result in up to a year of jail time), Golden is also being sued by Caban for $25,000 for "assault, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress."

He appeared on CBS to apologize for his actions yesterday:

"It's not me in the video, it's not me," Golden said, crying. "It was hard to watch and I'm ashamed."

Caban doesn't buy it, though. He suggested that Golden's apology was rather insincere:

I don't know whether he was crying because he was so shocked that it went viral. I don't know whether he's crying because he's been outed.

He has also rejected Golden's invitation to meet up for an in-person apology. Caban has stated that he's still facing personal trauma from that night:

I'm paranoid. I keep waking up in the middle of the night. I think I hear something. I keep the shotgun next to the bed now, and I'm honestly afraid that he's going to come after me.

Golden's attorney has called these statements "so beyond ridiculous." Caban has stopped driving for Uber, claiming that the company doesn't do enough (or pay enough) to protect drivers from these types of situations.

This toddler, Jalal, says the one word that could have solved all of Adele's problems in her sad new hit, "Hello." In the Vine below, which has been looped more than 14 million times, he replies to Adele's sorrowful lyrics with simple, open acceptance:

Hi! If Adele's ex in the song had been as communicative, she wouldn't have to call him "a thousand times" (and on a flip phone, no less) while wistfully reflecting on her current and past selves. But then no one would have anything to cry-listen to on their commutes, so the world still needs uncommunicative jerks to make the rockin' world go round, one supposes.

There are social media managers behind every corporate account, and some of them have more fun with it than others. Tony the Tiger is a mascot everyone enjoys, and though the person running his Twitter fields a fair amount of cereal complaints, they also just get a lot of messages from fans of Tony. Like, huge fans. Fans of Tony's body. Gawker collected a bunch of hilarious and unsettling tweets from ultimate-fan furries, and we got a few more. Some are very lewd, while some are almost sweet, as though the person writing them hasn't quite awakened to the fact that they think Tony the Tiger is more than grrrrrrrrrrrrEAT!

Poor Tony! He's too hot for his own good. But he probably knows it:

It's just a little something for the fans.

Ben Carson released a rap advertisement to alienate "young black voters" in their "preferred style." The track is called "Freedom" and will air on the radio for two weeks in various cities across the U.S. It features Christian Republican rapper "Aspiring Mogul" dropping a verse over Ben Carson soundbytes. Here it is:

And here are the lyrics:

Yeah

Vote

Inspire

Vote

Vote

Revive

Vote 

Vote

Ben Carson 2016

Vote and support Ben Carson

For our next president to be awesome

If we're gonna get American back on track

We gotta vote Ben Carson, the matter of fact

Go out and vote!

Looks like the mogul isn't all that aspiring, though—his Twitter account is private. Here is his cover photo, which is a picture of him and his friend in front of what we assume to be his mom's Audi:

Ben Carson's campaign is starting to mirror Joaquin Phoenix's crazy bearded phase more and more.

Though America was established with separation of church and state, frothing contention over prayer in public schools bubbles up periodically. Right now, there's a high-profile case involving Coach Joe Kennedy in Washington, who has been suspended for continually leading students in prayer against official policy. Current law states that it's fine for students to lead each other in prayer circles, but school employees (paid with tax dollars) cannot. His story has gotten pretty big, and its presence in the zeitgeist may be one reason this photo of a football player from Richton, Mississippi is going viral. After a player from the other team was injured, everyone took a knee as they waited to see the outcome. This student, to his credit, appears to be praying for his injured opponent.

Cathy Smith Green, who took the image, wrote:

Richton High School is a small school in MS. Total K-12, we have perhaps 450 students, and everyone knows everyone...well. I snapped this picture of Daylen Jones, not just "taking a knee" for his injured teammate, but praying. In this time where organized prayer is challenged in courts, and schools in fear of lawsuits, cower against athiest[SIC] demands, it is comforting to know, these kids, who have been brought up right, don't have to be "lead" in prayer.

First of all, of course it's wonderful to see a young man show concern towards an opponent, and it's great we live in a country where religious displays like this are acceptable from everyone. Beyond that common ground, however, it's a little hard to tell exactly where Cathy is coming from with this caption. Presumably, she's a Christian and is proud to see a young man taking the initiative and praying in a difficult moment (though we can only make assumptions about who he is praying to). She's clearly also celebrating his pride in his faith that allows him to display it so prominently. 

On the other hand, she also clearly has contempt for anyone who says taxpayer-funded institutions like public schools shouldn't lead students in prayer. Specifically, she's concerned about cowards bowing to "athiest" people's demands. What makes it so confusing, and what makes its virality so confusing, is that her last sentence sums up where the law stands right now. Whether or not you think teachers and schools should lead prayers, they don't need to, because students can lead themselves. If children are raised by their family in a religion and it's meaningful to them, they'll find the space for it in their lives, and they aren't: it's not a teacher's business. So let's just be happy that this kid is nice enough to care about his fellow man and not shoehorn in a political argument that isn't even supported by your picture.

Sending a sext (or a picture of one’s genitals) can be a bold gesture, and with that risk comes the very distinct possibility, if not probability, that the person on the receiving end is not going to like having received that sext. At that point, you’ve got two options: 1) own it and apologize and move on, or 2) pathetically act like you were kidding and have no one believe you.

1. A load of bull.

2. Never were more bets hedged.

3. No way was it even close to April.

4. At least she cut him off before he said anything really embarrassing.

5. Peter, Peter, pride eater.

6. Complimenting dimples is way weirder anyway.

7. Alpha male.

8. Stupid unconscious brain.

9. "If you change your mind / I'll be first in line…"

10. Just, like, hypothetically speaking.

11. It was a short video.

12. Those darn hackers.

13. Or just blame autocorrect.

Today we truly have evidence that we have progressed as a civilization: someone has invented the waffle cupcake. Conceived by BuzzFeed's food blog, Tasty, this easy recipe uses the same batter for both cupcake and waffle. Here's a video of how it's done:

One small step for cupcakes. One giant leap for mankind.