If you like history or just enjoy trivia facts, you've probably heard of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919—the Boston disaster where a giant tank holding molasses burst and killed 21 people. Many people, upon learning this, find it kind of funny. How can you not outrun molasses? The speed at which the viscous, sugary substance flows literally gave rise to the phrase "slow as molasses."

Well, as Atlas Obscura will teach you in less than four minutes (with some amazing, haunting photos this author had never seen before), all that changes when you put 2.3 million tons of the stuff in a tank that's too small and too thinly walled to hold it. Why was it so unsafe? Because the owners of the giant molasses tank were trying to make rum before Prohibition went into effect, so they ignored the night watchmen who said it "groaned" constantly, and painted it brown to hide the leakage:

It obliterated elevated train tracks, sent steel shards flying for blocks, and the pressure fired the rivets holding the tank together out in every direction like bullets. The thickness of the substance meant that struggling in it only pulled you down further, like sticky quicksand. The initial wall of goop was two stories high—it burst into windows (and basement apartments) and drowned people who had no chance to escape. It was, in short, not very funny.

Related: The tanuki is an adorable, giant-testicled raccoon dog, and it's also your new favorite animal.

Maternity shoots are there to celebrate the magic of life and the beauty of women during this very special time—but more importantly, to spotlight the fabulousness of a super-pregnant dog named Lillica, who gave birth to five puppies a day after her shoot with Ana Paulo Grillo in Brazil. 

As Ms. Grillo told Bored Panda, Lillica nailed the whole photo shoot in just 20 minutes, much faster than most humans. "It was amazing, I felt like I understood her completely," the photographer said. 

"She made sensational poses!" raved Grillo. And there's no doubt that as taut as this doggie may seem, she's got that glow, and in spades.

Lillica's five puppies born the next day have all found homes with her owners' family members, so they'll all be able to visit and play together.

Even though Lillica's owners sound like good people who made smart decisions about what to do with their puppies, you should get your pet spayed and neutered because it's the responsible thing to do. Unless you're a trustworthy breeder, in which case please be sure to get your dogs to take pictures like these.

See more at Anna Grillo's Facebook page.

Related: Woman's cat appoints itself protector of her pregnant belly—and now, her baby.

Kristhielee Caride was all set to represent Puerto Rico at the Miss Universe beauty pageant until one disastrous interview and a series of missed ones so infuriated pageant officials that they took away her title. In an interview with a local newspaper, she apparently said she "didn't love the cameras," which is weird for someone seeking the Miss Universe title, but not damning—and then apparently dismissed the reporter's other questions.

On the other hand, the national director of Miss Universe Puerto Rico, Desiree Lowry, was in the room, and she is very much on the record about how she felt listening to Kristhielee. Said Ms. Lowry to the Associated Press, "I wanted the earth to swallow me." Here is some footage from the interview, as well as Miss Universe officials discussing it afterwards (although it is in Spanish):

Saying she wanted to be swallowed by the earth is pretty dramatic, but Lowry elaborated on why the anti-media responses were so bad for a Miss Universe contestant. "You always have to put your best face forward ... it's a given that we are going to be in front of cameras and that we have to answer all types of questions." 

More importantly, even after Lowry stressed how big of a mistake this was, and Caride promised not to repeat it, she then canceled the rest of her interviews for a long-standing doctor's appointment—one the organization had asked her to reschedule after she became Miss Universe Puerto Rico. Most importantly, Ms. Caride did not apologize to Lowry or the reporter.

Caride later took to Facebook to say that she was going through personal issues during the day of the interview. The post has since been deleted, but she is quoted as saying "Beauty queens are not exempt from having a bad day," and "I allowed my feelings to get in the way of my work." 

Caride has mused publicly about suing the organization, telling El Nuevo Dia, the largest newspaper in Puerto Rico, "I can't understand how they made such a definitive decision when I've always been so punctual and have done everything that is asked of me."

It may be too late, though, since the new Miss Universe Puerto Rico, Brenda Jiménez, has already been crowned in a public ceremony. Asked how she felt about her sudden change of fate, Ms. Jiménez diplomatically responded, "I still haven't fully processed the information."

Watching animals be amazed by simple magic tricks is pretty hilarious, whether it's dogs (who, frankly, seem more irritated than amazed), or orangutans (who find it appropriately hilarious), but this baboon is just the latest in a long line of beasts being bewildered by magicians. The trick this zoo-goer shows him isn't particularly advanced—he's basically just hiding a card—but as far as this simian is concerned, he's getting a personal show from David Blaine:

Related: Orangutan gets his mind blown by a magic trick and rolls around laughing.

Maybe you're the kind of person who prepares food and actually cares about the presentation—or maybe you've always just wanted a hair pick but didn't have the hair type to pull one off. Either way, you're going to love this amazing life hack that lets you slice and dice everything perfectly and also provides you with the excuse you always needed to buy a hair pick. Simply put, stainless steel hair picks seem a lot more useful for slicing onions (and tomatoes and everything) than they do for actual hair.

Related:

When a protester was yanked by his collar at a Trump rally, the incident was caught on camera and seemed to implicate Corey Lewandowski—Trump's campaign manager, who has already been accused of assaulting a female journalist. Naturally, the Trump campaign rushed to defend Lewandowski from a second accusation of violence on the job (among other allegations that concern even Trump staffers), and blamed it on the man next to him in a dark pullover. That man has since been revealed to be a security staffer for the Trump campaign.

Trump himself said that the incident was primarily the protester's fault for having a "horrendous" sign with profanity on it, and that although he gave Lewandowski credit for having "spirit," he didn't touch him. A Trump spokesperson, Hope Hicks, declined to say why Trump's campaign manager was interacting with protesters, although Trump blamed it on lax policing in an interview with ABC (below). Just to be clear, this was separate from the other, much more violent incident at the same rally in Arizona:

Ms. Hicks directly blamed the incident on the man in the pullover in a statement Saturday night. She suggested, according to Politico, that "his actions were justified by the behavior of the protester, who can be seen in the video grabbing the arm of a young woman in front of him."

What she did not suggest, or in any way identify, was that the man is a security staffer for the Trump campaign. It was not a case of poor internal communication or mistaken identity, however—she did know. She said as much when confronted by reporters on Sunday, telling Politico, "Although we did not identify this individual, we did not make any suggestion as to his affiliation or lack thereof."

Translation: "Yeah, we pretended he was some random guy, but we didn't say he wasn't our hired muscle. So, technically, we didn't lie."

This old English documentary about how master artisans hand-make marbled paper is so beautiful and so deeply satisfying, it may well give you ASMR tingles—not just from the rustling of the paper, but from the sheer perfection of color and craft. Look, there's a lot of cool stuff out there for you to spend your time on, but learning how marbled paper (that wonderful material that covers old books and rich people write notes on) gets made is something that's almost guaranteed to be different than your usual Internet fare. It involves seaweed gel, vibrant colors, and a process so simple a child could learn it, but only a master could perfect. (Jump to 3:00 if you want to get straight to the pretty parts.)

Related: Ease into the weekend with the most oddly satisfying video ever.

Substitute curse words are very often a lot more flipping fun to say than the real ones (if not quite as satisfying when you're really angry), and that goes double for creative insults—all of which are captured here in this supercut from Burger Fiction. (That's the same editor who spliced phone calls from dozens of movies into one conversation.) Many of these have since found a hallowed place in pop culture, like "neo-maxi-zoom dweebie" from The Breakfast Club,"your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and most of all "scruffy-looking nerf herder" from The Empire Strikes Back. There is one curse at the very, very last second, just so you're prepared.

Here's the film list, in order, from Burger Fiction's description:

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009), Napoleon Dynamite (2004), Johnny Dangerously (1984), A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999), Almost Famous (2000), A Christmas Story (1983), The Surfs (2011), Spy Kids (2001), Serenity (2005), Star Trek (2009), The Empire Strikes Back (1980), The Breakfast Club (1985), Hook (1991), Three Amigos (1986), You Can’t Cheat An Honest Man (1939), Dumb And Dumber (1994), Elf (2003), The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (2005), Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988), A Bug’s Life (1998), Misery (1990), Never Give A Sucker An Even Break (1941), Splash (1984), Anchorman (2004), Cats And Dogs (2001), Short Circuit (1986), Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975), The Wizard Of Oz (1939), True Romance (1993), A Clockwork Orange (1971), The Princess Bride (1987), The Sandlot (1993), The Empire Strikes Back (1980), and The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004).

Related: This montage of actors playing alongside themselves is double (and triple, etc.) the fun.

Two Chinese men posing as importers of garlic and exporters of "marine products" were convicted on March 18 in Tanzania of running a much different business—an illegal ivory trade that resulted in the deaths of at least 226 elephants between 2010 and 2013. The two men, 31-year-old Xu Fujie and 51-year-old Huang Gin, were believed to be the heads of a major poaching ring in Tanzania. They were also convicted of bribing officials. They now face a choice of 30 years in prison or paying a $50 million fine.

706 tusk fragments were found concealed in sacks of garlic at the men's house in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania's largest city. Asia, in particular China, remains the top destination for illegal ivory, and for other poaching products such as rhino horns. This conviction is believed to be part of a renewed anti-poaching drive in Tanzania, and is the most recent example of harsh sentences being given to Chinese and Tanzanian poachers. 

Between 2010 and 2013, the years these poachers were active, 892 elephants were killed in Tanzania. The number killed by the pair's poaching ring, 226, was determined by reconstructing the 706 tusk fragments found at their house. This makes the ring responsible for more than a quarter of all Tanzanian elephant poachings during their reign. They are expected to appeal.

Character actor Edmund Gwenn famously said, "Dying is easy, comedy is hard," and many obituaries prove that they're not mutually exclusive. People have taken to writing their own obituaries to say farewell in their own words, provide one last laugh, and have their loved ones remember them as the funny people that they are. Here are the funniest obituaries that prove you can still make 'em laugh from beyond the grave.

1. Short and sweet.

Doug died.

2. This one's the shit.

She is survived by her children... [and] a shitload of grandchildren.

3. Ohio man (pall) bears all. 

He respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pall bearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.

4. Tooting his own horn. 

Perhaps most important to Bill was educating people on the dangers of holding in your farts. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy 'cutting the cheese' or 'playing the bum trumpet'—which he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn.

5. OMG. The typo.

[He] was killed in the crash LOL

6. Trump's cousin speaks the truth.

As a proud bearer of the Trump name, I implore you all, please don't let that walking mucus bag become president. Our surname has been dragged through the mud enough by his slumlord father, but if Donald became the most powerful man on the world, I just know he'd f*ck up so badly that for the rest of recorded history, the Trump name will be synonymous with some Holocaust-level atrocity like the Cinco de Mayo Massacre or Civil War II.

7. "His regrets were few but include eating a rotisserie hot dog from a convenience store in the summer of 2002."

Cremation will take place at the family's convenience, and his ashes will be kept around enough as long as they match the décor.

8. Her last wish was to include a quote from her favorite movie.

Ding dong the witch is dead, but the memory of our mother lives on.

9. Dad Jokes are forever.

Richard Norton Bacon (Rick) of Lumberton has left the building. His friends will tell you he's in a better place. The rest will say they can smell the Bacon burning. He is stress-free and at peace.

10. Nicknames stick, even from beyond the grave.

Preceded in death by his mother, Barbara Jean "Buffalo Butt" Ward and pets, Princess, Buster, Lady, Bonkers, Susie, Daisy and Silky. Survived by the "light of his life" fiancé, Annie "Red" Callahan; father, J. Richard 'Old Fart' (Debbie "Peep") Ward; sisters, Catchy "Funny Face" (Paul Graf), Karen "Turtle" Ward, "Hamburger" Patty Ward, Amy "Amos" Ward; beloved children to be, Jessica "Thunder Child" and James.

11. Even this nickname.

"Pervert Dave," 65, of Crystal River, passed away April 13, 2014.

11. A charming tribute to a recent upload to The Cloud.

Diagnostics indicated multiple cascading hard-ware failures at the root problem. Though his hardware has been decommissioned, Bill’s application has been migrated to the Cloud and has been repurposed to run in a virtual machine on an infinite loop. <END OF LINE>

12. There's no better place to slam The New York Times than in The New York Times.

Loved everything about NYC, except the New York Times.

13. This should be the first obituary-to-film adaptation.

Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn’t enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie’s past. There isn’t enough space in the Bloomingdale phone book. A few of the more colorful ones were Momma Margie, Crazy Pam, Big Tittie Wanda, Spacy Stacy and Sweet Melissa (he explained that nickname had nothing to do with her attitude). He attracted more women than a shoe sale at Macy’s. He got married when he was 18, but it didn’t last. Freddie was no quitter, however, so he gave it a shot two more times. It didn’t work out with any of the wives, but he managed to stay friends with them and their parents.

5. Selena Gomez, because Justin Bieber is creeping on her again.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have been broken up for years. But Bieber keeps proving he is a true 22-year-old millennial by frequently using social media to creepily remind her, and the entire world, of their history. This weekend, he posted a throwback photo on Instagram of the two of them kissing, back when he was a much scrawnier twig of a man.

His fans, of course, went insane. The prospect of a Bieber/Gomez reunion sent them into sleepover levels of excitement. And even Gomez was caught up in it. Proving that their on-again/off-again/please-not-on-again romance may not be dead, she commented on Bieber's post with one word: "Perfect."

So why is she having a worse Monday than you? Because that was yesterday. By now, she must be dealing with a flood of creepy, overly sexual texts from Biebs and his whole PR team. You just can't encourage him like that. It's like inviting a vampire into your house.

4. Bill Murray, because his bracket is busted.

Bill Murray is a major college basketball fan. And it's evidently in his blood—his son Luke is an assistant coach at Xavier University. So, proud papa Murray has been repping Xavier hard during this year's March Madness. He wore their hat during a recent appearance on the Late Show, and he was at their big game against Wisconsin on Sunday.

The game was a nail-biter, and came down to the wire. A last-second three-pointer won the game for Wisconsin, sending all the Xavier fans in attendance into utter shock. The older Murray was no exception, but as an acting legend, his face said it better than anyone.

The loss may have been worth it for that perfect image. Bill Murray can truly sell anything. The Internet immediately went crazy, memeing "Sad Murray" into oblivion:

Poor Bill Murray. He's too funny for his own good. He can't even be sad in peace. 

3. Aaron Carter, because he was cyberbullied out of voting for Donald Trump.

Pop star Aaron Carter found his career revitalized recently when a tweet supporting Donald Trump exposed him to a generation of haters who had previously not heard of (or forgot about) him.

Carter was quickly exposed to the full brunt of the Internet's hatred for the silk-haired man. And he may not be as thick-skinned as other former child stars, because in a new interaction with a fan, he claims his intentions have changed. First, a fan named Greer tweeted this sort of sweet message to Carter:

Then he responded:

That's the lesson kids should be taking home. If you're bullied over your political beliefs, just don't vote. Not voting is the cornerstone of our democracy. Thanks, Aaron Carter! You're a true statesman.

2. A guy who was caught by security cameras while he was trying to steal the security cameras.

Thomas Stilwell, an alleged robber in Pleasure Ridge Park, Kentucky, tried to get away with what must have seemed like the perfect crime: stealing security cameras from a laundromat without any tools. But what he failed to realize was that those cameras were cameras, and cameras record your face.

As you can see, the cameras clearly caught Stilwell's face as he hung from them, using his weight to tear them out of the ceiling (like a true cat burglar). He was later arrested. Duh.

1. A guy who was thrown out of a train station while dressed like Waldo.

A man dressed like Waldo from the popular Where's Waldo books was physically removed by police from Boston's South Station on Sunday for being "very disorderly." Transit Police released a photo of the incident on Facebook and Twitter along with a cheeky caption, because cops love a laugh.

He might have gone unnoticed if he had been standing in a train station full of barber poles, candy canes, and other red and white-striped items. But unfortunately, in the real world, Waldo is all too easy to find. Especially when he's causing a drunken ruckus.

According to Boston.com, this unfortunate soul was celebrating a belated St. Patrick's Day, and while that's sad, it still doesn't explain why he was dressed like Waldo. Are kids' books a part of that messed-up holiday now? God help us.

Slipping quickly into her grandmother role, Teresa Lashley was so excited that her daughter-in-law Lindsey gave birth to a healthy baby boy that she blasted others with the good news via text. Mom's aren't always the greatest texters, so Teresa, the mother of new dad Mark, accidentally texted Dennis Williams—a complete and total stranger.

Here's what the new grandmom had to say about the mix-up:

I accidentally [texted] a message about Mark and Lindsey having a baby to a number I had in my phone for someone else which now belongs to Mr. Dennis Williams and he and his brother came by to visit us and brought the baby a gift! What a blessing these two guys were to our family. They were so sweet and kind to do this! You 2 are great guy sand thank you for giving to someone you didn't know! Many blessing I pray for you. I think his brother was Derrius Williams. Cason Knox, Lindsey, & Mark Lashley thanks you. Please share this with anyone you know and hopefully these guys will see. If we all only had this kind of heart.

After Teresa texted the random guy again with a picture of her and newborn grandson Cason Knox, Williams and his brother Deorick​ realized that this was a beautiful and hilarious moment, one they should get in on. Because everyone loves babies, the brothers ended up stopping by the hospital with gifts where the new baby boy and mom were resting.

No word on what gifts they brought—but it was clearly enough to mitigate the fact that a bunch of randos were in the delivery room with the new mom.

This is how life-long friendships form. Cheers to technology and grandmotherly mistakes. 

Letting the Internet make decisions for you has never been a good idea, which is a lesson the U.K.'s National Environment Research Council (NERC) learned the hard way after an online poll to name their $290 million research vessel has resulted in "Boaty McBoatface" leading the second place pick ("Henry Worsley") by 24,000 votes to 3,000, according to NBC. U.K. Science Minister Jo Johnson explained the contest's purpose in a press release:

Can you imagine one of the world's biggest research labs traveling to the Antarctic with your suggested name proudly emblazoned on the side? The polar research ship represents a leap forward in securing Britain's place as a world leader in marine and climate change science - and illustrates this government's commitment to invest in research facilities on a record scale.

With the eyes of the world on this ship, this campaign will give everyone across the UK the opportunity to feel part of this exciting project and the untold discoveries it will unearth.

NERC's website repeatedly crashed "due to overwhelming interest" in the Name Our Ship campaign, so the poll's been removed until they resolve technical issues.

The research council, who hope to have the ship set sail by 2019 under a stale name like "Shackleton," "Endeavour," or "Falcon," is reportedly in a "crisis meeting"—which means they're exploring ways to cop-out of using the name "Boaty McBoatface." NERC's Corporate Affairs Director, Alison Robinson, told NBC News that they are "very much enjoying hearing everyone's ideas" but the poll isn't binding, and therefore they'll have final say over what gets emblazoned on the vessel's side.

What delicious irony: the NERC wanted and succeeded in stirring public interest for the marine sciences, but at the cost of their prestigious facade.

They now have two clear options:

1) Capitalize on the buzz and go with "Boaty McBoatface" to the applause of the entire world and frumpy disapproval of British government officials. After all, the ship's discoveries make the ship's name, not the other way around.

2) Go the boring route and prevent any sense of fun or levity from entering the field of marine science, which is the exact image they were trying to move away from in the first place.

Since their poll is down, we'll hold one of our own.

What do you think the NERC should do?

Before darkness swallows dawn, may a flood of blessings from the Lord of Light wash over Carice van Houten. On Saturday, the Game of Thrones star told People that she’s expecting her first child (a real baby, not a shadow demon baby, you guys). Van Houten is widely known for playing Melisandre on the HBO series. Apparently, she has a wonderful sense of humor regarding the pregnancy announcement.

On Sunday, the actress solidified the baby news on Instagram—she posted a photo showing her and her partner Guy Pearce. The photo caption included a baby emoji and the message: “Yes, it’s true. Let the shadow baby jokes begin.”  

Of course, Twitter folks obliged:

Baby daddy Pearce also let out his own quip:

According to HelloGiggles, the couple has been dating for a couple of months. There's no word yet regarding the baby’s due date—or whether the baby is going to be Azor Ahai incarnate and finally fulfill that flaming prophecy. 

One thing’s for sure, if Van Houten’s going to have a baby shower, it will probably look like this. 

It's finally spring! On Sunday, Britney Spears donned three tiny pieces of fabric and laid out like a freakin' pro.

If you're a super rich celebrity with your own pool, living in a warm clime (or on a tropical vacation), what better way to herald the changing of the seasons than to lay around almost naked and soak up some of that lovely, warming, life-affirming, super-dangerous, definitely cancer-causing sun?

Britney also posted a picture of her, her kids, and her dog playing golf. (The dog probably only got to play mini-golf.)

They even went "exploring" and found some roly polies. Classic family fun.

Oh Brit Brit, please never stop doing Instagram.

Reese Witherspoon celebrated her 40th birthday over the weekend with a blowout A-list party at The Warwick in Hollywood. Your invitation must've accidentally gone to a junk email folder, but thankfully there's plenty of evidence of the lavish party that happened despite your absence. 

Fancy people in attendance included Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Matthew McConaughey, Taylor Swift, Keith Urban, and, most importantly, Witherspoon's mom.

Her mom even sends hilarious mom texts about Los Angeles.

That makes Kate Hudson's collage of the squad looking regally blonde less exciting: 

Although Witherspoon joining Keith Urban on stage to sing "Sweet Home Alabama" may have managed to approach the glory of the above mom text:

Anyone else hoping to snag Taylor Swift and Keith Urban for their birthday party simply needs to be as well-liked and wealthy as Reese Witherspoon, and as intriguing as her mom.

On Sunday's Last Week Tonight, John Oliver focused on Donald Trump's proposed border wall, the most-discussed wall since Pink Floyd's​. In his most cathartic, necessary takedown since #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain, Oliver explains that the wall (which is the Republican frontrunner's only actual policy proposal) will accomplish nothing other than cost upwards of 25 billion dollars.

It turns out that this 30-foot symbol of fear will prevent crime and illegal immigration as well as wearing a condom prevents head lice. The rant ends with an alternative proposal of what to do with those billions of dollars, and it involves waffles. Make America Smell Great Again.

Cristina Ramos, a contestant on Spain's Got Talent, just did a performance of AC/DC's "Highway To Hell" that was so great she won over the judges and basically the rest of the Internet, too. Ramos started her performance with a beautifully sung opera, but as the judges' faces clearly indicate, it wasn't exactly the right fit for the show. And then—

—she did that, ripping off her dress to reveal the rock, immediately energizing the crowd with "Highway to Hell." And it was glorious. As the judge's faces clearly indicate.

And one judge's feet, too.

After her performance, one of the judges pressed the “golden buzzer,” which is the best a contestant can do on the show; it means Ramos gets to skip the next round of auditions and go right to the live show.

And then confetti falls and judges are crying and hugging, and Ramos is suddenly kissing a man on stage and the whole audience is on their feet cheering. The video's racked up over two and a half million views, compared to only a few thousand for most of the other "Spain's Got Talent" clips.

So, yeah. Pretty good.