Our readers have worked with some real weirdos. So many, in fact, that we couldn't fit all of them in our first story round-up. From a woman whose one-upmanship was so severe she faked a pregnancy to a guy who probably would have addressed his alcoholism sooner if he wasn't the boss's kid, Someecards readers have worked with the cream of the crazy crop. Here are 15 of the best stories we received from readers who suffered through the weirdest coworkers the office has to offer.
1. Maura's story would have also worked in our "Creepy Bosses" roundup, but it definitely also fits here.
I work at an office, where for the most part, we are all really professional. However, my former boss (I now work for a different person but same building) apparently loves feet. We were having CPR training where we had to kneel on the floor next to a dummy. I took off my 4 inch heels (don't worry, I regularly pedicure) and he came up behind me and tickled my feet. My bare feet.
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2. Alicia on Facebook wrote this post to remind everyone that there's weird-weird and then there's sad-weird. This is sad-weird.
I work with a guy that constantly talks about his wife and kids. The problem is, the kids have been the same age for the last 6 years. The "wife" unfriended him about 3 years ago. I waited for the "divorce" but it never came. He is always inventing something someone has already invented and tries to pass it off as his own, in excruciating detail. His stories are completely outrageous. I can't decide what's worse, his stories or the fact that everyone he works with (about 100) completely goes along with it even though we all know his life is fake.
3. Here's a post from a reader who wished to stay anonymous about a sight they wished had stayed unseen.
I work at a group home for developmentally disabled adults. An obese coworker of mine has a bad hygiene problem and has been repeatedly talked to about it. One day she was giving a client a shower and I decided to see if she needed help because said client tends to fall.
Opened the bathroom door and got to see the coworker with her shirt pulled up to her shoulders pants and underwear pulled down wiping her whole body with baby wipes. Quickly walked back out again. Luckily she had the client in the shower behind the curtain so hopefully she didn't have to see that too. Needless to say, she doesn't work here anymore.
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4. Jessica wrote us with two stories. The first is about a very nice but very, very odd gentleman with unusual appetites.
So here is my weird coworker story…
A few years ago, I worked in a call center, and the man that sat right across from me was the nicest guy, but also one of the weirdest coworkers I’ve ever encountered. Here is a quick run down of the odd things he did..
-He would sit at his desk and openly pick his nose and eat it. If I should make eye contact during his daily booger snack, he would just duck down a little and cover his nose with his free hand, as if he had the mindset of a toddler; if you can’t see it, it’s not happening.
-This guy LOVED to eat (and not just boogers). He was almost always eating and when he did, he somehow mastered the art of breathing through his nose while chewing away. It was very weird and his nose often whistled while he did this, so it was very irritating as well. He would often come back from the canteen with 2 or 3 sandwiches, at least 2 bags of chips, 2 sodas, and some candy. Pot luck & company-provided lunches were a free-for-all for him. He would often pile up 2 plates to overflowing and then go back for seconds. My employer actually had to institute a rule about not getting seconds until everyone had eaten because of this guy. Otherwise, he would eat until it was all gone and it would be all gone before some people even had a chance to go on their lunch.
- He also had a dental bridge... his 4 front teeth were fake. If he took a particular liking to something, he could often be seen removing his bridge to lick it clean.
5. Jessica's other coworker was a very different type of gross. Frankly, we'll take booger man over her any day of the week.
Another coworker from the same job: typical crazy cat lady. She had 6 cats that she talked about non-stop. She even moved from one apartment to another when her landlord gave her an ultimatum: get rid of 2 cats or move. She had pictures of her cats and cat related things all over desk.
The weirdest thing about this woman though, had nothing to do with her cats. She was an unabashed non-hand-washer. She would go to the restroom, be very obvious about the fact that she was going #2 and then just walk out of the restroom like she didn’t even know what the sink was for. The complaints about her behavior got so bad, that the employer eventually installed hand sanitizer stations just outside the bathrooms. She didn’t use those either.
The absolute WORST thing this woman did though…whenever the was a free lunch provided or a potluck lunch, she always made sure she was the first one to the food and then would proceed to paw through it with her BARE f**king hands. Pretty gross for a person with normal hygiene habits, but absolutely disgusting for someone who will drop a huge deuce and forgo washing her hands. She even licked a spoon once that was in a crock pot of homemade chili that someone had brought and then put in back in the pot. The word spread pretty quickly about what she had done, so of course no one was willing to partake. The person who made the chili must’ve thought everyone hated it. Poor thing.
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6. Keith has a one-line story that we weren't going to include at first, but we've thought about it around 200 times since reading it.
Guy ate toothpaste and drank milk.
7. Dianne worked with the most absentminded/unluckiest person on earth.
I once worked with a girl that came to work half naked one morning. She forgot to put her top on and ended up wearing just her bra and a denim jacket to the office. She was sent home to put some clothes on! In the 3 months I worked with her she also fell in a pond on her lunch break and had her foot run over by her boyfriends car.
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8. Lin has worked with a lot of weirdos, and has a very good memory.
I work in administration at a post-secondary educational institution and have the bittersweet joy of witnessing a lot of weirdness.
Aside from those with rather limited faculties regularly exposing themselves through a yearly "Reply-All Debacle," my particular campus seems to have an unspoken "pooping" washroom on the top floor. It was nearly daily I would see people from other floors leaving the washroom and it didn't take long to pick up on that being the indicator to give it some "time to breathe."
One guy would show up like mooch magic every time there was a meeting or gathering on our floor with plastic grocery bags to in hand to take home leftovers (I kid you not, he emptied a bowl of Caesar salad into one once). He's since retired. There was a gathering and I didn't see the end but I'm sure he came "prepared."
There is a couple who have to be in their fifties and I never see one without the other. They are always holding hands and walking around. I never hear them speak or see them smile. They work here but I have no clue what they do. I have to mention the hand holding again... it is constant.
One of my fellow admins had called security because of a rough, shady looking guy hanging out near the daycare. I found this out after introducing her to him, because we were visiting the area he works in and it is one of the departments I support.
At an old job (selling mobile phones), I kept spotting boogers stuck to the wall next to the break room table and in the bathroom next to the toilet. I knew who was doing it and the guy was 30. He regularly kept female customers' cell numbers even though he was married. Sicko. He's a manager the last I heard.
9. Dorothy wrote us about a fellow teacher whose relentless one-upmanship ended up in a one-way ticket to the nuthouse.
My third year teaching, I had a coworker who was jealous of everyone, and if any life event happened to someone and they talked about it, the same thing happened to her. If someone got engaged she was engaged, married, parent died, etc. It happened recently to her too.
Well, one year, another coworker shared about her infertility issues and wanted people to pray and send good vibes because she was going through with IVF. Well, Janice (not her real name) exclaimed that she was doing IVF too. A few months later, the same coworker announced that the IVF was successful and she was pregnant with twins. Not to be outdone, Janice announced that she too was pregnant, but with triplets. The next day, she shows up to work with what looks like a pregnant belly. It looked like she stuffed a small pillow under her shirt.
Every day for the next couple of months, she would show up with a pillow under her shirt. Unfortunately, she would forget to put in the same pillow, so some weeks she would look 6 months pregnant, 9 months pregnant, back to 6 months again. It was never consistent.
Her students kept telling the other teachers that the pillow would sometimes shift and move, and a couple even claimed it fell out in the middle of class. We tried telling the principal about it, but he was a man and was uncomfortable asking about it to her.
When it was time for the other coworker to go on maternity leave, because she had to be on bed rest, all the employees pooled our money together to buy her a double stroller. Janice refused to put money in because she was saving up for her triplets and announced she was going to have to go on bed rest too.
Finally, the principal talked to the school district's human resources department, who brought her in for a talk. It turned out she was not married and, as we all suspected, not pregnant. This was on a Friday. On Monday she comes back to work with a flat stomach and tells everyone in the lounge she miscarried and was crying hysterically. Unfortunately, she was not supposed to be at work. HR had set her up with a few weeks of absence to get her mind right. She refused to leave when the principal asked her, and he had to call her emergency contacts (her brother and mother) to come get her. They ended up committing her to a hospital and she never returned. Sounds crazy but this really happened.
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10. A reader going by Edelweiss worked with this guy. Well, they mostly worked with his cat.
I used to work with a guy who we had to manage through his cat. By that I mean that if you wanted him to do something, rather than saying "Joe, could you sweep the floor please?", you had to say "Joe, Tabby (his cat's name) would like you to sweep the floor." He wouldn't do it if you asked him straight.
11. Maria worked in IT, which unfortunately didn't stand for "In Treatment" for this guy.
When I first got hired at my job, one of our IT guys was a raging alcoholic. I would catch him staring off into space at his desk multiple times a day, yelling into his phone at random people (including his wife), or just straight up disappearing for hours at a time. He tried to kiss multiple female coworkers and he said some insanely lewd things to me my first week working there. Come to find out, his dad was a partner in the company and that's the whole reason he still had a job.
Anyway, one fine day I arrived a little early to work and he arrived soon after, making us the only two people in the office. About half an hour after he arrived, I heard him pounding on his keyboard, which unfortunately wasn't unusual. But it started getting louder and he started grunting. I looked over and he was still on the welcome screen on his computer. He was so drunk he couldn't remember his password. At 9 AM. Other people finally started to arrive while he was still trying to figure his password out. Finally, he stood up, put his sunglasses on, grabbed his spiked coffee cup and announced he was going on a quick walk.
Our supervisor left at pretty much the same time and went to buy an electronic breathalyzer. He blew a .32. Needless to say he doesn't work here anymore.
Oh! And the day before his final termination I heard him yelling into his phone "listen, don't call me again until you have this figured out. It's not my problem. Oh my gosh... no, no... don't cry. God Carlos, don't cry!" Come to find out, Carlos was his supervisor. He was an insanely crazy guy.
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12. This anonymous reader said their coworker really "takes the cake" but she kind of actually hands it out.
1) her watch battery died one day, and she looked disappointed in herself and said "ohhh...I should have worn it more!" She thought wearing the watch (battery operated) would make the battery last longer.
2) on her birthday one year, she brought in a cake and an empty birthday card. She emailed the entire office (100+ people including execs), stating that she would give you a piece of cake if you signed her card. Once people started coming by, she literally stood over you while you signed her card and would give you a piece of cake once you gave her the pen back.
13. Uh, this Sally person an anonymous reader wrote us about sounds a LOT like Janice the one-upper from #9:
One woman at my old job, let's call her Sally (not her real name), had a lot of bad habits. One of her biggest ones was that it was always easy to know when she would call out because if someone else, literally anyone else in the building, got sick, had an accident, or some other reason they had to call out, the next day Sally would have something similar but slightly worse happen to her so she would be out for several days. Then she would come back completely fine.
At one point, she was even wearing an arm sling, saying her arm was broken after someone had a fractured ankle, and we would watch her take it off like a pro in the car. She chronically lied about a lot of things. The bad part was we worked in an understaffed school, so when she called out as often as she did (it added up to many weeks) we had to find ways to cover for her. Lots of other stuff, too, but you guys said you just wanted the quirky stuff. Long story short - I'm surprised she kept her job the whole year, and things got really weird at the end.
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14. Nicole Loper has already been chronicling her weird coworker on Facebook, and sent us some choice screenshots.
I give you some recent Facebook status updates...this lady surpasses weird!
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And then...
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And today...
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15. Finally, Jillian worked with a better-adjusted version of Carrie. The one from Carrie, not the one from Sex In The City.
I worked for years with this girl in an office setting. She was a year younger than mem so when I was 28 she was 27. She lived at home and referred to her parents as Mother and Father. She reminded me of someone who grew up in a cult...she was a little off.
Just a few that I remember were one time her sitting at a picnic table in front of the building (in full view of the publisher's office - who at one point had been in the seminary) fully making out for her lunch hour. It was full on, everyone including any customers coming I could see.
She would also tell us that she was going to get her period because "Mother" tracked it on the calendar. She used to call out for snow days and say she was plowed in when there was 3" of snow. She was definitely not quite right (we still bring it up with the lady who hired her...how could you not realize).
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