Last week, photos surfaced of Rob Kardashian's fiancée, Blac Chyna, hooking up with a former friend and Glee alumni named Pilot Jones.

The photos were apparently meant to insinuate that Jones, who was featured in rumors about the "real" father of Chyna's child back in September, may have fathered Chyna's child, due in November.

Chyna took to Instagram to slam Jones, but that wasn't enough to keep Rob Kardashian from reportedly sending some pretty incriminating text messages threatening him.

Now, TMZ reports that Rob Kardashian's under "criminal threat investigation" by the LAPD, and they say they've obtained some of the messages that Kardashian sent Jones.

Along with general threats like, "U f***ed with the wrong Woman and the wrong dude," TMZ also says Kardashian wrote "'Don't ever come for me and my wife ever U corny ass n***a' ... and that's followed by a bunch of black fist emojis."

The rest of the messages are apparently full of homophobia and "disparaging references to gays, Mexicans, and African-Americans."

Happy Halloween, internet! Here's some good news for you: you probably won't die from eating too much candy tonight.

According to the American Chemical Society, to give yourself a 50-50 shot of ingesting a lethal amount of candy, you'd have to consume 13.5 grams of sugar for each pound of your body weight all in one sitting.

For the average American man weighing in at 195.5 pounds, that's 2,640 grams of sugar, AKA 155 "fun size" Snickers or 102 "fun size" bags of M&Ms. The ladies, who have an average body weight of about 166.2 pounds, would have to consume 2,250 grams of sugar to have an equal chance of living or dying from too much candy. That adds up to 214 individual Reese's peanut butter cups or 1,527 pieces of candy corn.

That means that no matter how much Halloween candy you consume over the next couple days, it's highly unlikely that you'd be able to eat enough to kill you in one sitting. It would be extremely difficult to do so (and honestly, a little impressive.)

So what we're hearing is it's totally okay to go to CVS tomorrow, take advantage of the after-Halloween candy sales and eat a bunch of Kit-Kats while you sit in bed and watch Love Actually. (Yeah, yeah, we know. "You can't watch Christmas movies until after Thanksgiving!!!" Who are you kidding?)

Thanks, science!

When Kate Middleton got married to Prince William back in 2011, her little sister Phillipa "Pippa" Middleton definitely turned heads as she served as maid of honor. But when it comes to Pippa's upcoming wedding to hedge fund manager James Matthews, the roles probably won't be reversed.

According to royals correspondent Judy Wade, Kate will likely not serve as her sister's matron of honor so she doesn't pull focus the bride. Wade told People, "It’s a tricky situation for Pippa. She would want her sister by her side, as who else would she trust to make things go well? But if your sister is a future Queen, she is going to upstage the bride and draw attention. Kate would want to be in the background as much as possible."

Good point. Pippa, or "Her Royal Hotness," as she was affectionately nicknamed, knows a thing or two about stealing the spotlight. She managed to get people buzzing about her at Kate's wedding, and she was getting married to a literal prince, for goodness sake.

You may remember Mark Salling as "Puck" fromGlee. Or, you may remember him for his growing record of alleged criminal sexual behavior. In the latest charge against him, the 34-year-old actor been accused of raping a 22-year-old woman, according to a police report filed this past April, TMZ reports.

The incident occurred four years ago, according to the alleged victim. She told TMZ she had dated Salling for a few months before the incident occurred. The actor’s rep has been unavailable to comment.

These aren't the first charges of this nature against Salling. In 2015, he settled a lawsuit for $2.7 million after being sued by his ex-girlfriend Roxanne Gorzela, who accused him of forcing her to have sex with him without a condom. And in 2015, the actor was arrested​for possession of pornography featuring underage girls, for which he is still facing charges.

Ugh, what a mess. This guy seems terrible.

Halloween costumes often both provide a parade of timeless classics, like Star Wars getups, and topical takes on the year that was. Here are the dankest meme costumes inspired by only the dank AF memes that sum up the internet in 2016; If you have your own to submit, send them to tips@someecards.com with the subject line "Meme Costumes."

1. Here comes Dat Boi.

2. New York waiting like...

3. Call the Anti-Defamation League, it's Pepe the Frog.

4. Grumpy Cat and Kermit the Frog are pretty old, but that's none of my business.

5. When someone already did your Arthur's Fist costume idea.

6. Such doge. Much wow.

7. This hero took on the holy trinity of frog memes.

8. Kanye West's "Famous" slumber party.

9. This FIRE Samsung Galaxy Note 7.

10. Donald Tinyhands.

11. Pregnant with the Kool Aid Man.

12. His name is Alexander Camelton.

13. Trump has the best words. Bigly.

14. Caught in a Bad Ombré.

15. An adorably Nasty and Bad couple.

16. Grab 'em by the pussy.

17. 'Tis the season for the iconic dancing pumpkins guy.

18. This Basket of Deplorables.

19. This SEXY Basket of Deplorables.

20. And this Basket of ADORABLES.

21. Do it for Harambe.

22. Welcome to the Bone Zone.

23. It's David S. Pumpkins. Any questions?

24. This Snapchat filter.

25. And this Snapchat filter.

26. And this Snapchat filter.

27. And this Snapchat filter.

28. And these Snapchat filters.

Every year Neil Patrick Harris and his family go all out with epic themed Halloween costumes, and their 2016 outfits definitely did not disappoint. This year they committed to an "old Hollywood" theme, with Harris and his husband David Burtka dressing as Groucho Marx and Charlie Chaplin, while their twins Harper and Gideon depicted Marilyn Monroe and James Dean, respectively.

Taking the picture in a vintage-looking auditorium is a nice touch and the kind of attention to detail we have come to expect from their annual Halloween photo shoots. Speaking of, let's take a look back on the Harris-Burtka costumes of Halloweens past.

In 2015, the Harris-Burtka brood dressed as Star Wars characters.

In 2014, they were the heroes and villains of Gotham city.

October 2013 was marked with spooky classic monsters.

And a Alice in Wonderland theme. They did double duty that year. Damn their perfectness.

2012 was the year they went to Oz.

And finally, in 2011 the family first set the bar with their Peter Pan inspired look.

What they don't picture are the twins after many hours in uncomfortable, itchy costumes—but better not break the perfect family illusion, right?

Seven-year-old Lainie Griffin has shown the world the essence of true horror with her Halloween costume: an overworked, exhausted mom who is hanging by a thread and could snap at any moment. With help from her mother Jessica (who clearly knows a thing about the subject), she captured the look perfectly, down to the fake spit-up on her sweatshirt and the thousand-yard stare.

Damn that's good. Jessica told the Huffington Post that the costume was Lainie's idea, but the two worked together to make it happen. Jessica even contributed the eyeshadow to make Lainie's eyes look sunken and hollow.

The costume was so good, family friend Rachael Fansler Beachy posted the above photo on Facebook, where it blew up among the millions of strung out parents desperately scrolling the internet to find a moment's peace. In only two days, the picture has received more than 181,000 likes, 13,000 shares, and 22,000 comments. Those comments are hilarious in a depressing kind of way.

When asked how Lainie came up with the costume, Jessica explained that the seven-year-old has a "motherly" nature, which is why her nickname is "Mamma." Which would be alarming, except that this kid clearly has no illusions as to what parenting is really about. She'll make a great tired mom herself someday.

Every year, the debate rages as to whether Halloween is really a holiday for kids or adults—well let's just solve that for you: it's a holiday for the whole family to dress up (before Mom & Dad go to a more fun party). Here are some of the best entries we've seen already this year. We'll be updating this list, so if you have your own family photos you'd like to submit, send them to tips@someecards.com with the subject line "Family Costumes."

1. Much like Star Wars itself, the costume franchise is being passed on to a new generation, thanks to redditor dinoignacio.

2. Texas Tribune editor Emily Ramshaw might have accidentally invoked the Weiner demon when they designed this costume.

3. Redditor left4ned2014 joined his girlfriend's family to be one big cartoon family.

4. This year, redditor Deconstructress and family dressed up as Mars Attacks. They also shared their previous four years of family costumes.

5. Gina and family also make this an annual tradition. Scroll through their gallery and watch this year's video to be amazed/jealous/inspired.

You will never beat this family at Halloween

6. You don't need a movie or TV show to achieve a great family costume—just a shared interest.

7. This is elocin_88's first family costume, although you wouldn't be able to tell, because their talent really shines through.

8. drod2015's family has a lesson this Halloween: there's more than enough Tom Cruise for everyone.

9. Remember, new parents: kids are a big responsibility, but also a great free canvas.

10. Redditor ishutteratthethought's family costume doesn't have a title. Maybe, "the positive memories of World War II?"

11. Redditor adamnitlopez's family is ready to Pokémon Go to a party.

12. We love every part of mydogfinnigan's family's Addams group costume...except the possibility of Cousin It wandering by an open flame.

13. You may not be familiar with the funny video game Battleblock Theater, but then again, you're not redditor TheGamingLord's kids.

14. JWoww has graduated from the drunken couches of the Jersey Shore to the more respectable profession of family costume leader.

15. There have been weirder costumes on this list, but none Stranger than ThankUkarmagain's family.

16. Apparently, a four-year-old requested to be Jabba the Hutt, so thefrostedfoxx built their family's costume around that request. Also, they built Jabba the Hutt around a four-year-old.

17. NationalNolte's family costume could be seen as a major re-write of the Toy Story plot.

18. The family that Futuramas together, stayaramas together.

19. And finally, like every year, Neil Patrick Harris & fam:

Tomorrow marks the beginning of November, the magical time of year when America forgets that Thanksgiving exists and skips straight to celebrating Christmas. One of the biggest culprits is Starbucks, who always releases their famous holiday red cups in November. Today the design for this year's cup was revealed.

Starbucks stores all around the country received these boxes of red cups clearly labeled with the instructions, "No peeking until November 10th," the date the cups are set to appear in stores.

One Reddit user named DasUberSquid (presumably a barista who totally must've been that kid who snuck into their mom's closet to get an early look at Christmas presents), however, didn't follow instructions. They uploaded this photo to the r/Starbucks subreddit with the caption, "I peeked."

And with that, Fall is over and the holiday season has begun. Rumor has it that this is just one red cup design and more will be unveiled on November 3.

I would pretend to be mad about the return of the Gingerbread latte so early, but you know what? Why fight it? It's going to happen anyway. Joy to the world, everyone.

A woman in Tokyo is seriously burnt after her fart caught fire during a surgical procedure, in case you needed a new worst place to cut the cheese.

According to Japanese newspaper Asahi Shimbun​, a woman was undergoing an operation on her cervix at the Tokyo Medical University Hospital in Shinjuku Ward last April when she ripped one. A surgical laser created enough heat to ignite the fart and caused a fire that burnt a lot of her body, including her waist and legs.

When the patient's intestinal gas leaked into the space of the operation (room), it ignited with the irradiation of the laser, and the burning spread, eventually reaching the surgical drape and causing the fire.

Doubt it was the butt dust? A committee of external experts who examined the case have stated that no flammable materials were in the operation room during the surgery and all the operation equipment was functioning normally.

It was definitely the fart

While everyone was dressing up as Game of Thrones characters overHalloween weekend, on-screen sisters and off-screen BFFs Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner wore costumes that don't remind them of their jobs.

The sisters Stark celebrated the spooky holiday not as Melisandre-y witches but punny pot brownies (or as their called in England/Westeros, hash brownies).

"Hash brownies" also comes with a bonus pun—making me hungry for both hashbrowns and girl scout cookies.

Williams chronicled the "noooorrrrty" weekend on Instagram, and it sucks not to have been invited.

Glad you guys had a great weekend but please go back to filming Game of Thrones? We're dying like GoT characters we've gotten emotionally attached to out here.

The Metropolitan Opera had to cut short a performance of Rossini's Guillaume Tell on Saturday after an audience member sprinkled a "mysterious powder" in the opera pit at intermission, the New York Times reports. Counterterrorism officials were called to the scene and tested the powder. Turns out it's not explosive, but probably something almost as creepy: a dead man's ashes.

Is this story Halloween enough for you?

Several audience members reported that an unidentified man told them that he went to the show with the intention of sprinkling the ashes of his late friend and opera mentor at the historic opera house, NYPD deputy commissioner John Miller told the Associated Press.

The man was reportedly observed on security cameras reaching into a black bag and sprinkling the contents into the orchestra pit at intermission, when most of the musicians weren't present (so thoughtful!). No one was injured, but the second half of the show was canceled “to err on the side of appropriate caution,” said a Met spokesman. They also canceled another show that evening.

Miller told AP that the powder is still being tested, but the possibility that it's human ashes “is certainly an area that we are pursuing.” Which sounds like legal code for "it's definitely human ashes bro." Miller added: "I don't believe at this point that we see any criminal intent here." Police know who the individual is from security footage and are following up.

Some audience goers documented the whole weird incident on Twitter as it was happening.

"Everybody kind of slowly walked out," an audience member named Dylan Hayden told the AP. "As we were exiting the building, I noticed the counterterrorism unit going into the building."

I don't support dumping human ashes or anything else for that matter at historic, indoor landmarks. But I do empathize with the guy who was just trying to sprinkle his buddy's ashes in a special place. He may not be the most considerate opera goer, but he seems like a very good friend.

Hi! How was Halloween at work today? That awkward, eh? The cubicle is constraining enough without having to sit in an inflatable sumo wrestler costume. While you were pretending to get work done between visits to the candy bowl, here's what you missed.

1. All your Facebook friends were posting that they were at the Standing Rock Indian Reservation in solidarity with the protesters, but there are also more direct ways to help. (via Select All)

2. Gawker shutter-downer Peter Thiel attempted to make the case for Donald Trump, but has probably never heard anything Trump has said before. (via Vox)

3. The Washington Post sent a woman on a date that was a total nightmare, except for the pancakes. (via Washington Post)

4. NASA's pumpkin carving competition was out of this world. I'm sorry, I had to make that joke. (via Gizmodo)

5. October 31st is not only fun but also historically significant. (via Mental_Floss)

6. The Harvard women's soccer team wrote a response to the men's team's sexist "scouting report." (via Harvard Crimson)

7. Oh, and FBI Director Comey didn't want to call out Russia for interfering with the election because it was too close to Election Day. (via CNBC)

Three years after the series finale of The Office, many fans still have a hard time letting go. And that goes double for the cast. Jenna Fischer, who played Pam, proved that this Halloween with the costume she created for her young son. But the result is so adorable and hilarious, we couldn't possibly fault her for it. He's Dwight!

Even more impressive than the costume itself (although the beet is an excellent touch) is the fact that this kid has the Schrute body language down pat. Acting must run in the family, or else Fischer enlisted Rainn Wilson to give him some pointers.

All in all, this has to be one of the top celebrity Halloween costumes of the year. Although if Fischer really wanted to go deep with it, she should have dressed the kid as Kerrigan.

North Carolina woman Glenda Blackwell, 57, was sent out by her husband to purchase two Powerball tickets. Instead, she bought a scratch-off ticket to show him that winning the lottery was impossible, even when game the has way better odds. She won $1 Million.

"I was going to be ugly and buy a scratch off to show him they didn’t hit," Blackwell told WLOS. "Sometimes I get aggravated with him, so I tell him, 'You're just wasting your money.'"

She invested that wasteful Powerball cash into a much more meaningful $10 Carolina Millions scratch-off ticket and came back with a sweet mill.

"I had to eat my words, but they were worth eating," Blackwell said because she hasn't yet hired someone to do all of her talking. "So, I was very happy."

And before you go assuming she's going to become one of those people who lets winning the lottery ruin her life, here's how she plans to spend the loot.

We've struggled a lot, so now we can buy our own home and our own land. It'll be paid for and I don't have to worry about that no more. So, that's what I plan to do with some of the money and the other part I plan to help my daughter and to put money up for my two granddaughters for college.

So there.

Josh Sundquist is a Paralympian, author and motivational speaker who lost his leg to cancer when he was nine, but it hasn't held him back from crushing it with brilliantly creative Halloween costumes for the past few years. As he said on Twitter last year:

This year the the 32-year-old kept his Halloween game strong as ever by going as Lumiere, the French candlestick from Beauty and the Beast who always had a certain je ne sais quoi about him if I may say so myself.

And Sundquist definitely did the candlestick justice:

Sundquist knew he wanted Lumiere to be part of a couple's costume, and he had a very specific person in mind to play his other half:

But instead Sundquist's wife Ashley stepped in, dressing as Belle. She seems okay being second choice after Bernie, because who wouldn't be?

The duo has big plans for Halloween​:

Sundquist said he had been brainstorming the costume for a few months but did not reveal exactly where or how he got the idea to be Lumiere. Maybe he just happened to read this Someecards article? We can't rule it out.

Here's an overview of Sundquist's past costumes:

They're all fantastic, although that iHop might be impossible to top.

That's right, Stranger Things season 2 has started production, and we have our first season 2 butt. Specifically, it's Harper's butt, as played by David Harbour's butt.

As we all know, Chief Hopper was last seen placing treats for Eleven in a box in the snow, presumably in the hope of bringing her back from the Upside Down.

As opposed to looking for a certain other character.

Of course, this isn't even the sexiest we've seen Hopper.

OK well we've been patient for a few weeks now...can we have season 2 yet?