Weird Al is releasing a new video every day. Today's is a parody of 'Blurred Lines,' because that song was asking for it.

July 15, 2014, 8:43 am

≫ Next: Ignorance is bliss.

≪ Previous: 21 MORE Brutally Honest Wikipedia Entries

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I presume the semi-colon is Robin Thicke?

"Weird Al" Yankovic is a genius, which is probably why his parody of "Blurred Lines" (like virtually all of his parodies) stays away from the controversy around Robin Thicke's tune (and by "controversy," I mean even Pharrell agreed his lyrics were creepy) and turns it to a different kind of insidious, culture-wide problem: the abuse of grammar by pretty much everyone on the Internet. As much as I associate Weird Al with the 90s, this video is one of the best and least-clueless depictions of the Internet I've seen in something professionally made. Weird Al is awesome. If you don't agree, I don't really know what you're doing in this article, anyway.

Pretty much everyone is incredibly pumped for the Week of Weird Al, which started yesterday with his star-studded "Happy" spoof, "Tacky," and will continue with new videos and songs every day until 7/21. All of these songs, of course, are on his new album "Mandatory Fun," available for purchase anywhere money can be turned into music online. We will make sure to bring these to your attention as they hit the Web.

(by Johnny McNulty) 

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Ignorance is bliss.

July 15, 2014, 8:55 am

≫ Next: Mistreated dog is rescued and becomes happiest animal ever, wags tail even in his sleep.

≪ Previous: Weird Al is releasing a new video every day. Today's is a parody of 'Blurred Lines,' because that song was asking for it.

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Mistreated dog is rescued and becomes happiest animal ever, wags tail even in his sleep.

July 15, 2014, 9:05 am

≫ Next: Intense prep.

≪ Previous: Ignorance is bliss.

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Frank and his beans.

A year ago, Rafael Borges adopted his dachshund Frank, rescuing the poor pup from a terrible living situation. Frank was cooped up in a small area, and it appeared he was never cleaned or played with. He suffered from malnutrition from being fed adult dog food instead of puppy chow, and denied vaccines which Borges believes caused infections that resulted in deafness.

When Borges first got Frank, he was fearful of shadows and never wagged his tail, but now that he is receiving the right love and attention, Frank has become the happiest dog ever.

Check out this video of Frank where he is so happy about his new home he even wags his tail while he dreams. Or maybe he is just happy that he got to keep his balls. 

(by Myka Fox)

Intense prep.

July 15, 2014, 9:21 am

≫ Next: A woman spent $30,000 on plastic surgery to become a clone of Kim Kardashian.

≪ Previous: Mistreated dog is rescued and becomes happiest animal ever, wags tail even in his sleep.

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A woman spent $30,000 on plastic surgery to become a clone of Kim Kardashian.

July 15, 2014, 9:43 am

≫ Next: Sob story.

≪ Previous: Intense prep.

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Claire Louise Leeson, "keeping up" a little more diligently than the rest of us.(via Twitter)

Have you guys ever thought, "Wouldn't it be great if there was more than one Kim Kardashian?" Of course you have! There being only one Kim K is the reason why you're always complaining that you don't see enough of her in magazines, on basic cable, and all the Internet websites ever. Well, Claire Louise Leeson has heard your pleas and she went ahead and spent thirty grand to make herself look exactly like Kim. Check it.

@claireleeson_x reckons she looks like @KimKardashianpic.twitter.com/cXBBJQF8x1

— Mrs Emre Shan (@Shannxo) July 15, 2014

I'm seeing double. Am I drunk? Probs.

The 25-year-old Brit began "Kimming" herself at age 17. According to the story she told Britain's "This Morning," Leeson spent her youth being bullied for being "ugly." She says her life changed when she saw Kim on "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," and she's spent thousands on procedures to look more like the star ever since. This apparently involves getting bigger boobs, whiter teeth, a spray-tan, and until she gets full-on butt implants, she wears padded pants to approximate Kim's ass.

loved last years birthday style ! xxx pic.twitter.com/hh7HKnsHJK

— claire louise leeson (@claireleeson_x) July 13, 2014

Uncanny.

Not sure how they feel about Mrs. Kanye in the UK, but considering the reception Kim usually gets on the web, Leeson should probably avoid scrolling through the comments section of this post if she wants to avoid bullying.

Which leads us to today's poll question: Which Kardashian sibling (or Jenner! Jenners count!) would you be most likely to spend the equivalent of a Toyota Prius to look like? I'm going with Mama Kris. You?

(by Bob Powers)

Sob story.

July 15, 2014, 9:57 am

≫ Next: Falling star.

≪ Previous: A woman spent $30,000 on plastic surgery to become a clone of Kim Kardashian.

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Falling star.

July 15, 2014, 10:56 am

≫ Next: This kid parks his go-kart like a goddamn champion.

≪ Previous: Sob story.

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This kid parks his go-kart like a goddamn champion.

July 15, 2014, 10:57 am

≫ Next: Other Middle-Aged Harry Potter Books J.K. Rowling Has Planned

≪ Previous: Falling star.

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Oh, was that caught on camera?

Some men were born for greatness. This kid was born to park a go-kart like a goddamn champion.

According to reddit user SackCracker, the kid in the helmet is the son of the owners of Marielyst Gokart & Paintball Center on the island of Falster in Denmark.

Watch this tiny astronaut tear up the track, whip backwards into his parking spot, and then walk purposefully away like he's about to fuck your girlfriend. 

Like a glove.

(by Myka Fox)

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Other Middle-Aged Harry Potter Books J.K. Rowling Has Planned

July 15, 2014, 11:16 am

≫ Next: Conan O'Brien to make his acting debut...in "Sharktopus vs Pterocuda."

≪ Previous: This kid parks his go-kart like a goddamn champion.

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Conan O'Brien to make his acting debut...in "Sharktopus vs Pterocuda."

July 15, 2014, 11:20 am

≫ Next: Happy cow plays chase with a kid in a wheelchair, it is a dream come true.

≪ Previous: Other Middle-Aged Harry Potter Books J.K. Rowling Has Planned

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It was the role Conan went to Harvard to learn to play.

Conan O'Brien could probably be in a movie a year appearing as himself if he wanted, but like all true artists he wants to really act. That's why, for his debut movie role, he's decided to lend his face, voice, and performance skills (honed over years of sitting at tables with other shy, pasty writers) to Sharktopus vs Pteracuda, the latest installment in the Syfy network's Sharktopus series (not to be confused with their Sharknado franchise). Here is Conan explaining his decision and showing the trailer for the film:

For those of you who are wondering whether this is really Coco's movie acting debut, the answer is "sort of." Conan has not played a fictional character live on screen before (he has appeared in documentaries), but he did voice David Endocrine, the talk show host who stupidly invites the Joker on his show in The Dark Knight Returns: Part 2 (a straight-to-dvd adaptation of the comic book, not the movie). He has also appeared on screen as himself, usually on televisions in the background of movies. For example, he briefly appears as himself in Pootie Tang, and in the background of Vanilla Sky and the 2005 film version of Bewitched. Of course, Conan is also a character in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, but that Conan was actually voiced by Brent Spiner, aka Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. 

So, there you go: Conan will act, and you now know way more than you ever thought you would know about his history in modern cinema.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Happy cow plays chase with a kid in a wheelchair, it is a dream come true.

July 15, 2014, 12:21 pm

≫ Next: Brilliant teenage genius invents device to "block out the haters."

≪ Previous: Conan O'Brien to make his acting debut...in "Sharktopus vs Pterocuda."

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The cow of my dreams.

When I was a kid growing up in the uninhabitable heat of Arizona, I dreamed of a hospitable land where living things could easily thrive. I was given a book about life on the farm and I would read it over and over, amazed at all the animals that weren't covered in horns and didn't shoot blood out of their eyes. In my fantasy, the farm animals and humans lived in a symbiotic utopia, where man and beast were best friends. 

Today I witnessed my fantasy come true. 

Here is Erik Fox (no relation), a kid in a wheelchair who plays chase with a cow, and they "immediately become best friends." 

I'm pretty sure that's Erik mooing halfway through. From happiness, no doubt. 

(by Myka Fox)

Brilliant teenage genius invents device to "block out the haters."

July 15, 2014, 12:51 pm

≫ Next: School tells students they're all smart no matter their test scores. The Internet ate it up.

≪ Previous: Happy cow plays chase with a kid in a wheelchair, it is a dream come true.

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(click upper left for sound)

I feel owned. Do you feel owned? I think we just got owned, you guys.

That's 16-year-old Brandon Bowen, who identifies himself as "Professional fatty / amateur viner" in his Vine profile (which has over 28,000 followers and counting). The clip is captioned, "I got my hater blockers on." With the low overhead and high demand, this invention could easily win on Shark Tank. If only he could invent a version that lets one deal with "haters" while driving.

(by Bob Powers)

School tells students they're all smart no matter their test scores. The Internet ate it up.

July 15, 2014, 1:02 pm

≫ Next: Keep it simple.

≪ Previous: Brilliant teenage genius invents device to "block out the haters."

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I don't even want to start talking about their comma placements.

Uggggggghhhhhhhhh. 

Listen: I 100% agree with the general sentiment behind this letter, but a saccharine endorsement of the idea that society's quantitative measurements of intelligence are not perfect is not heroic. I'm glad the Barrowford school in Lancashire, England sent this out, and I'm glad these kids are hearing this message, but the super-sappy response this letter has gotten all over the Internet has turned me into a cranky old rage machine. 

You know how much help this will give Charlie Owen in life? None. All those extra things they list? Those are the things every single kid claims to do when they're applying for college. You ARE graded on that, because you're competing against kids who do all that and scored well on standardized tests.

If they wanted parents to feel less insecure about their special little flower being crushed by the arbitrary rules of life, they could encourage them to contact politicians to change the system. That would be almost as ridiculously optimistic, however, so I'm proposing this alternate letter to send to students:

"Everything is rigged. If you don't play the game, "they" will make it very hard for you. Yes, there is a "they," and "they" want 90% of you to be menial workers, and this is where "they" start putting you in that box. So, you have three options in life: 1.) figure out how to take these tests and beat the system so you can end up on top of it, 2.) develop a philosophy that allows you to be happy in the face of a broken economy, or 3.) organize your other low performers to burn this place to the ground."

Or, you know, they could just bask in the Facebook likes and send out another comforting letter to their graduates in 10 years assuring them that success in life isn't measured in money or respect.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Keep it simple.

July 15, 2014, 1:32 pm

≫ Next: Two men arrested for smoking heroin at a Chuck E. Cheese's.

≪ Previous: School tells students they're all smart no matter their test scores. The Internet ate it up.

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Two men arrested for smoking heroin at a Chuck E. Cheese's.

July 15, 2014, 1:42 pm

≫ Next: Everything good about the Internet will be brutally murdered unless you do something.

≪ Previous: Keep it simple.

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We're here to play smack-a-mole.

Collin Zborowski, 28, and Daniel Lubach, 27, went into a Costa Mesa Chuck E. Cheese's on Tuesday for the only reason two dudes in their 20's would go into a restaurant made famous by an animatronic animal band -- to do drugs. 

Chuck E. Cheese's slogan is that it is "where awesome parents go," so Zborowski and Lubach probably thought they were amongst friends. But at least one narc parent was in attendance and tipped off the cops. 

The two dudes were found snuggled up together in a bathroom stall, in the middle of smoking heroin, when authorities arrested them.

Sgt. Patrick Wessel told the LA Times that, "the pair were 'a couple of knuckleheads,' who, for some reason, chose to meet with their heroin dealer at Chuck E. Cheese's and opted to smoke it in the restaurant's bathroom."

Our best ride is the dragon. (via Getty Images)

Both men were arrested under suspiscion of being under the influence of a controlled substance. Zborowski was also arrested on suspicion of felony possession of a narcotic and two misdemeanors of drug paraphernalia. He posted $20,000 bail on Thursday. Lubach was released with a promise to appear in court. 

Resident Carl Bruitt was interviewed on ABC 7's televised report, saying that, "it just makes no sense really, I mean for two grown men to go to Chuck E. Cheese."

I couldn't agree more. No reason for those guys to waste their high at a Costa Mesa mini-mall  establishment when Disneyland was just ten minutes away. 

(by Myka Fox)

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Everything good about the Internet will be brutally murdered unless you do something.

July 15, 2014, 2:44 pm

≫ Next: A talented artist tried digitally recreating his childhood drawings, and the results are pretty amazing.

≪ Previous: Two men arrested for smoking heroin at a Chuck E. Cheese's.

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This is what is at stake, people.

I wanted to end this Tuesday on a happy note, but I'll have to settle with an informative and artificially upbeat one. CollegeHumor has made many recent videos explaining things people don't think enough about, but this one really got my goat. There is no controversy about Net Neutrality—the people are for it, the money is against it. The money is winning. 

If you don't want your Internet to keep bringing you cat videos, the chance for humanity to redeem itself by actually listening to one another for once, and dirty porn all at the same speed, then by all means, ignore this. If you would prefer to live in a world where authors can easily self-publish dystopian novels rather than actually inhabit a dystopia, head over to dearfcc.org and swear at some government officials. 

Seriously, these people (the FCC and the lobbyists, not Adam Conover and Emily Axford) should be put in prison.

(by Johnny McNulty)

A talented artist tried digitally recreating his childhood drawings, and the results are pretty amazing.

July 15, 2014, 2:52 pm

≫ Next: After learning his son is dropping out of school, a dad came up with the perfect name for his boat.

≪ Previous: Everything good about the Internet will be brutally murdered unless you do something.

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Balaenoptera rightangulus.

Telmo Pieper is a Dutch digital artist who, at some point, got his hands on some of his old drawings from when he was a 4-year-old child. Because, apparently, not all mothers leave all of their kids' stuff out on the front curb the weekend after they head off for college. That's probably also why not everyone needs to spend $300 a week on therapy bills. But, I digress.

Anyway, upon finding his old art works, Pieper decided to re-create them in the computer. And, man, did they come out looking cool! See for yourself:

Ursus beavertailhandos.

Carcharodon underbitias.

Helix absurdlytinyshellum.

You can see more of Pieper's artworks here.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

After learning his son is dropping out of school, a dad came up with the perfect name for his boat.

July 15, 2014, 3:39 pm

≫ Next: Turned on.

≪ Previous: A talented artist tried digitally recreating his childhood drawings, and the results are pretty amazing.

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All aboard the SS Silver Lining.(Via)

This pic of a cleverly named boat (with an extremely unfortunate font choice) was shared on reddit by user pumpkincat1 with the headline, "A friend of mine just dropped out of high school and this is what his dad did..." Nicely done.

This name is more appropriate than the dad and the kid might realize, seeing as today's college degree depreciates in value nearly as quickly as a boat purchase. And the best thing is, when he's out of options the kid can sleep there instead of in his parents basement. Everybody wins.

(by Bob Powers)

Turned on.

July 15, 2014, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: Disastrous and embarrassing cases of people forgetting to log out of Facebook.

≪ Previous: After learning his son is dropping out of school, a dad came up with the perfect name for his boat.

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Disastrous and embarrassing cases of people forgetting to log out of Facebook.

July 15, 2014, 9:37 pm

≫ Next: Class act.

≪ Previous: Turned on.

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She should be your favorite. She's very concerned about your digestive health. (Via)

When someone takes over your Facebook account, do they take over your soul? No, of course they don't because souls aren't real. But Facebook is, and there's nothing more embarrassing than when someone steals your password and posts a pornographic status update in your name for all your nearly-forgotten high school acquaintances and distant cousins to read. Take a lesson from these poor victims of status-tory "frape." Strengthen that password and lock it up tight if you don't want to end up being humiliated in front of all 1600 of your "friends" in a hilariously entertaining manner.

People hijacking other people's accounts have quite the shit fetish. (Via)

What's embarrassing about being accused of being a sanitary masturbator?(Via)

Sometimes you can tell the hijacker's id is really coming out in these.(Via)

Again! Seriously, it's a real obsession with this crowd.(Via)

Nice to break things up with the occasional domestic drama. (Via)

Updated 6/18/14:

Safe and sound, unlike your password.(Via)

On the bright side, you've got some well-mannered students if "poopieface" is the worst they'll do. (Via)

Holly really hates people who misuse words. Quick, someone hack her! (Via)

Well, no and yes. No he didn't hack me, but yes, he did this.(Via)

Not sure the analogy holds, but it's beautiful nonetheless, mom.(Via)

Updated 5/14/14:

Weirdest baby shower invite ever. (Via)

Ashley probably knew that would happen. She knows the effect she's had on men. (Via)

Hey, she's forgetful and a thief, but there's no reason to call her mean!(Via)

Only the best could "hack" into an account that's already logged in.(Via)

Updated 1/20/2014:

When can we visit him in the dick removal hospital?

 

At least in America they just search your crotch.

 

Let's just agree that everyone on Facebook's illiterate. Cool?

 

You owe him one George.

 

Worst "hack" ever. At least call her gay or something.

 

Updated 9/24/13:

Using meds without prescription causes you to give out your password.

 

It's nice when your friends REALLY know you.

 

The easiest way to come out is to leave your Facebook logged in.

 

Fire! This is a quiz right?

 

The best account abductions make you wait for it.

 

Jake also publicly urinates well above the amateur level.

 

Updated 7/9/13:

We're never attempting a home improvement project again.

 

Thanks for showing such impressive restraint, stranger.

 

She'll have to wait for Dongukkah.

 

Always use plenty of lube...love, mom.

 

Hope she comments about Terence's cock next so he doesn't feel left out!

 

This is the first known evidence of a new phenomenon: homophobifrape.
 

Updated 6/7/13:

Or this could just be some things Vanessa needed to get off her chest.

 

You've been Caged!

 

"I love publicly describing my intimate cleaning rituals every once in a while."

 

She's still calling him "babe." We think he's got a chance.

 

What a waste of a perfectly good hack.

 

Someone teach that man about emoticons!

 

Updated 5/8/13:

The kids call this a "skinny hack."

 

If anyone knows where I can find a penis resembling an onion ring, let me know.

 

Her real friends know she hates pandas.

 

Someone's aunt wanted to teach her a lesson about how not to use hashtags.

 

It's not actually that hard to do, but you're gonna get some ball on your face.
 

Updated 3/22/13:

So, this is the work of a "genius?"

 

Like an oral sex version of "I just saved a lot of money by switching my car insurance!"

 

Never hack Liam Neeson.

 

That escalated quickly.

 

Mister Tumnus, you have weird friends.

 

Facebook's reckoning.

 

Well, he already gave away his Facebook password. What's left?

 

Updated 2/21/12:

That, or Jonathan has a Tyler Durden-style alter ego who needs their own Facebook page.
 

"I would never turn down a dumb blonde. Don't put words in my mouth!"
 

Hey, person who did that: you need to be meaner.
 

You/you're - the last issue on which Americans are absolutely sure about right and wrong.
 

When you're not here all I do is snoop around your computer for other peoples' pictures.
 

"I am kind of into Satan and all his works."

Updated 1/17/13:

Wendee gives credit where credit is due. It takes a village to cuckold a husband.
 

These delightfully fresh-faced employees were given a sitcom 5 minutes after posting.
 

Recap: she missed her period status but she's going to keep it anyway.
 

Frankly, if someone logged on to our Facebook and handled those tasks, we'd appreciate it.
 

Like Megan's Law for cheaters, but it's your ex who gets to tell everyone you're scum.
 

If you tried this at work, it wouldn't be called "fun." It'd be called "team building."
 

Classic Cliana — only interested in other people's lives until the commercials are over.
 

Religion: one of the few things on Facebook that will like (and stalk) you back.

Updated 10/22/12:

Revenge is a dish best served by remote control.
 

It's a mystery where she gets that language from...
 

This man will never be able to get a real job now. He's ruined forever.
 

If you want to know your significant others' password, put a ring on it.
 

 

 

 

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Posted on 6/23/11: