5. Selena Gomez, because other Selena Gomezes are trying to muscle in on her territory.

Selena Gomez isn't just a person—she's a brand. With over 113 million followers, she's officially the most popular person on Instagram, so she has to protect her identity with the same ferocity as an oil conglomerate protecting its valuable shale deposits. And TMZ reports that she's taking that fight to extreme lengths, by attempting to trademark all uses of her name.

According to legal documents, Gomez is trying to set a precedent that nobody else can do a TV or media appearance using the name "Selena Gomez," even if that's their name too. Which is too bad for the 61 other Selena Gomezes listed on WhitePages.com. If any of them want to break big in show business, they'll have to use a stage name. We recommend "Justin Bieber."

4. Donald Trump Jr., because it's his turn to be a meme.

Sooner or later, everyone associated with Donald Trump's presidential campaign gets the meme treatment: Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, and obviously the POTUS himself. Today, that fate has fallen on presidential dauphin Donald Trump Jr., who allowed himself to be profiled for a cringeworthy piece in the "failing"New York Times. The article focused on Trump Jr.'s life as an "outdoorsman" (he's famous for killing elephants), and included a truly bizarre photo of him sitting on a stump while staring thoughtfully into the distance. Of course, this pic immediately became the hottest meme on the internet.

After all this embarrassment, Don Jr. is going to need to blow off some steam. So much for the endangered white rhino.

3. A security guard who got called out by Adele from the stage.

During a sold-out show in Melbourne, Australia last night, World Empress Adele noticed a security guard telling her fans to sit down and stop dancing. Of course, Her Majesty was having none of it—her concerts are a place for everyone to express themselves. In her signature way, she interrupted her performance to unleash an adorably foul-mouthed tirade against the narcing guard.

Adele told him:

This is a music show, if people can’t see then they can stand up. And if you’re moaning about people dancing, then what the fuck did you come to a show for?

Then that man instantly vaporized into a puff of sweet lavender smoke.

2. This woman who cruised down the highway with a trampoline on her car.

When this trampoline's a-bouncin', cops will come a-pouncin'.

One News Now reports that a woman in Auckland, New Zealand was fined after cops caught her transporting an enormous trampoline on top of her car, secured to the hood with nothing but a couple of puny little ropes. Hundreds of gawkers witnessed her car bouncing along the highway before she was finally brought to justice.

The video above was actually taken after she had been pulled over—the police car was escorting her to make sure she got to her destination without any other driver taking a piece of circus equipment to the face.

Although that was certainly a bonehead move, we do have sympathy for this woman. Everyone knows how hard it is to get rid of a trampoline.

1. This soccer player who accidentally thanked one too many people.

Mohammed Anas, a Ghanaian soccer player for South Africa's Free State Stars, was named "man of the match" after scoring twice (in soccer, that's like scoring a million times) during a Premier Division game on Friday night. In the postgame interview, he was overcome with emotion and sweat—so much so that he forgot himself, and thanked TWO women in his life.

The best part is right after he says "my wife and my girlfriend," when he realizes what he's done. His nervous laughter as he apologizes and professes his love for his wife is eerily familiar to any man who's ever doomed himself with a poorly-timed slip of the tongue. But this is so much worse, because it was on TV.

This guy is going to spend the next month running from two rightfully furious women. It's a good thing he's fast.

On the March 19th episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian gave her harrowing account of what was going through her head during the traumatic Paris robbery she suffered in October.

Kardashian told her sisters that she recalled hearing footsteps while she was lying in bed. "And then at that moment, when there wasn't an answer, my heart started to get really tense," she explained. "I knew something wasn't quite right."

She then saw two men enter wearing police uniforms, who were holding another man down, who turned out to be the concierge, handcuffed and holding the keys.

"What I've heard from talking to him afterward is they said, you know, 'Where's the rapper's wife? Let us up to her room!' in French," Kim Kardashian said. "He ended up being our interpreter because I couldn't understand them, they couldn't understand me."

"I was looking at the gun, looking down back at the stairs," she recollected. "I have a split second in my mind to make this quick decision. Am I going to run down the stairs and either be shot in the back—it makes me so upset to think about it—but either they're going to shoot me in the back or if I make it and they don't, if the elevator doesn't open in time or the stairs are locked, then I'm f**ked! There's no way out."

Through tears, Kim Kardashian chillingly recalls how she "mentally prepped" herself for the worst.

And then, he grabs my legs and I wasn't, you know, I had no clothes on under. He pulled me toward him at the front of the bed and I thought, 'OK, this is the moment they're going to rape me. I fully mentally prepped myself—and then he didn't.

Kardashian thanked her fans on Twitter for their support, and expressed her desire to tell this devastating story in her own words.

Watch the whole episode over at E!.

J.K. Rowling has won numerous awards for the Harry Potter series, but maybe we should consider giving her an award for her sick Twitter burns. Rowling has a history of putting Donald Trump in his place, and now she's done it again.

On Friday, a video of Donald Trump meeting with German Chancellor Angela Merkel went viral after he awkwardly refused to shake her hand. If you don't remember, here's the video of the now infamous non-handshake:

The video quickly went viral, because let's face it, it's awkward AF. Many people on the internet quickly chimed in with commentary on the non-handshake seen 'round the world, but master-of-Twitter-shade J.K. Rowling's caption may have been the winner.

Fellow Twitter users agree.

Stay tuned for Donald Trump's 3AM tweet storm about the "failing Harry Potter books." ("Boy wizard? SAD!")

Ewan McGregor's daughter Clara wants to step out of her father's shadow and into the spotlight and by becoming a model, but does the 21-year old have what it takes?

Oh. Yep. She definitely does.

Congrats on looking like an IRL-Disney Princess, Clara!

According toThe Daily Mail, Clara McGregor is an aspiring actress and model who signed with powerhouse model agency Wilhelmina models in December 2016.

The genetically blessed beauty is the product of Ewan McGregor and French production designer Eve Mavrakis, who have been married since 1995. Clara already has over 15k Instagram followers who keep up with her ever-changing bikini wardrobe via social media.

But hey, if you looked like that, would you ever wear anything but bikinis? If you got it, flaunt it—and Clara has definitely got *it.

*it= rock hard abs.

We suspect that Clara will be stealing the spotlight from her dad for years to come.

Would you like your proposal sponsored by Doritos? One woman decided she did, and asked her man to marry her at a hockey game. The lucky dude got the woman, as well as a bouquet of Doritos.

In the video, taken at a Vancouver Canucks game, the guy, Brandon, is playing an electronic shell game on the Jumbotron, only instead of shells, this one's hockey pucks. The man is supposed to pick which puck his "mystery prize" is under, and when he picks, he gets a special message on the screen: "Will you Doritos marry me?"

Is that a yes? And if so, is it to the marriage proposal or to the bouquet of Doritos?

Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, celebrity to the stars, took a look at Donald Trump's proposed budget. He did. Not. Like it. One does not need a telescope to see that Donald Trump's priorities lie with the military over, well, everything else, and Tyson highlighted a few of the reasons why that's—to put it kindly—short sighted.

Less than a week before this cosmic tweet storm, Tyson had dropped by Stephen Colbert's show and warned that he was waiting for Trump to "actually try to put legislation into place" before really going off on the administration.

So in the wake of the budget proposal, Neil deGrasse Tyson fired off an eight tweet rant clearly meant for the president. And he did it with the same words that made Trumpland vote again. You like catchy slogans? Here are a few:

Hopefully this is just a preview. After all, Neil deGrasse Tyson's put Trump in his tweets before. Here's an alley oop he threw to his fellow Twitter royalty, clapback queen J.K. Rowling:

Katy Perry was first launched into fame with her hit single "I Kissed A Girl," and for Perry, it was more personal than an average pop song.

Perry was honored with the National Equality Award by the Human Rights Campaign on March 18th. In her acceptance speech, the singer opened up about her sexuality and her religious upbringing.

“I’m just a singer-songwriter, honestly. I speak my truths and I paint my fantasies into these little bite-size pop songs. For instance, I kissed a girl and I liked it. Truth be told, I did more than that,” she humbly told the crowd, referencing "I Kissed A Girl" and probably getting it stuck in everybody's heads.

Katy Perry described her religious upbringing, a hardcore Christian household where “homosexuality was synonymous with the word abomination.” She continued:

How was I going to reconcile that with a gospel-singing girl raised in youth groups that were pro-conversion camps? What I did know is that I was curious and even then I knew sexuality wasn’t as black and white as this dress.

"Most of my unconscious adolescence, I prayed the gay away at my Jesus camps," she revealed, but then she met people "outside [her] bubble" that opened her eyes to both the experiences of others and herself.

“These people were nothing like I had been taught to fear,” she said. “They were the most free, strong, kind and inclusive people I have ever met. They stimulated my mind, and they filled my heart with joy, and they danced with joy while doing it. These people are actually magic, and they are magic because they are living their truth.”

Katy Perry joked about her “whip-cream-tits-spraying” persona, saying that while it would be easy to just keep singing about "California Girls," she wanted to use her platform to speak and sing about issues that matter to her:

“No longer can I sit in silence. I have to stand for what I know is true and that is equality and justice for all, period.”

After the ceremony, Katy Perry took to Twitter to reiterate her support.

Keep sparkling, Katy.

In this day and age, we constantly have Google at our fingertips. And since kids always have their phones on them, cheating on tests has never been easier. But one Romanian dictionary is putting its foot down.

Last year, the DEX online dictionary noticed a spike in searches for certain words during a mock test for the National Evaluation. This discovery raised concerns that Grade 8 students were consulting the dictionary to cheat on their exams.

This year, the dictionary was prepared. They played a brilliant (albeit slightly mean) trick on cheating students. They altered the definitions of the most-searched words.

According to DEX online administrators, students searching for the word "pretutindeni," which means "everywhere," would have found it defined on the dictionary's site as "eternal or forever." The definition for "to spot" was also changed to "to rush."

It seems the dictionary was on to something. According to Mashable, the words on the exam were only searched nine times before the test started. It spiked to hundreds of requests from 9AM to 11AM, the time the test was administered.

Sneaky dictionary! That'll teach those stinking kids! (JK, kids. You're great. Stay in school.)

This Imgur post by user Exsupervillain shows two pictures of a wedding invitation so non-traditional that it scared the daylights out of some of the recipients. That's because the invitations look like court summons.

Apparently, Exsupervillain's aunt is marrying a sheriff, so to honor the occasion, they sent out these wedding invitations that "nearly gave everyone a heart attack."

To make the invitation/summons look more real, the couple even used envelopes that say "Urgent" on the outside. That lets the person receiving the letter know that A. it's a very serious matter, or B. the letter is from Foreigner.

"Haha, you sure got me, sheriff! Now let me just pick my stomach up off the floor and congratulate you guys!"

In what has become a Trump family tradition, First Lady Daughter Ivanka Trump is the subject of a new lawsuit.

San Francisco fashion boutique Modern Appealing Clothing, known as MAC (not the makeup brand), filed a class action lawsuit in the San Francisco Superior Court on Thursday. The lawsuit claims that Ivanka Trump gets an unfair advantage in the marketplace because by leveraging power and prestige of the White House to promote her handbags.

The suit alleges that Ivanka Trump The Brand is getting an unfair advantage "from Donald J. Trump being the President of the United States and from Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared, working for the President of the United States."

There's no doubt that Ivanka Trump The Brand has gotten extra attention recently, especially from the White House. President Trump famously took time out of being Commander in Chief to blast Nordstrom, which discontinued selling Ivanka's line.

Then there was that time President Trump's Kellyanne Conway straight-up turned the White House briefing room into QVC to tell America to "go buy Ivanka's stuff," a confirmed ethics violation.

Despite Nordstrom and other large retailers dropping the line, Forbes reports that Ivanka's sales exploded after receiving a "free commercial" from Conway.

“My clients just want an even playing field,” MAC's lawyer R. Michael Lieberman toldCourthouse Newson Friday. “As a result of their unlawful acts, defendants have reaped and continue to reap unfair benefits and illegal profits at the expense of plaintiff MAC and the class it seeks to represent,” MAC wrote in the 11-page complaint.

SF Gate reports that "The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages on behalf of women's clothing retailers operating in California since January, and for an order preventing the Ivanka Trump brand from being sold in California."

Papa/President Trump is subject of a similar lawsuit, with a DC wine bar alleging unfair competition against Trump's Washington hotel.

You know what they say: The family that gets sued together, gets....booed together.

Tomi Lahren, the aggressively blond and conservative host of her own right-wing program called Tomi on The Blaze, was a guest on The View on Friday. That is where Lahren shocked everyone by saying that she's pro-choice, explaining, "I’m for limited government, so stay out of my guns, and you can stay out of my body as well."

"I'm pro-choice and here's why: I am someone that's for limited government, and so I can't sit here and be a hypocrite and say 'I'm for limited government but I think the government should decide what women do with their bodies,'" Tomi Lahren said, when one of the hosts brought up the fact that apparently she's pro-choice.

This pronouncement came as news to just about everyone in America, including some of the hosts of the show. It's a very different sentiment from ones she's expressed before, like calling pro-choice supporters “straight up baby killers" on her show. Lahren has also openly criticized the pro-choice movement on Twitter, too, as recently as January.

For once Tomi Lahren had to endure the ire of conservative Twitter, leading her to tweet, "Listen, I am not glorifying abortion. I don't personally advocate for it. I just don't think it's the government's place to dictate."

According to the Huffington Post, the backlash from conservatives seemed to be mostly people who were mad that she'd changed her position on the issue, while others claimed she lost credibility after her that appearance on The View.

So somehow she's flip-flopped on the issue of abortion and now she's pro-choice. Wow, I never thought I'd be saying this, but I guess I actually agree with Tomi Lahren on something.

All in all, being a baby seems like a pretty sweet gig— you get to take unlimited naps, all of your food is brought directly to your mouth, and you don't even have to wipe your own butt. All you have to worry about is tummy time, lookin' cute, and not scratching your adorable little face with your razor-sharp baby fingernails. However, an Australia-based salon called Baby Spa Perth wants to make being a baby even more relaxing, and offers spa services for tiny humans between six days and six months old.

The spa services include floating around in a warm bath for anywhere between 10-30 minutes with the aid of this floatation device adorably named "The Bubby."

Some babies look like they love it.

While others are a bit more skeptical

Regardless how you feel about baby spas in general, these pictures of chubby cheeks and buoyant babies are SO. DARN. CUTE.

But Baby Spa Perth doesn't just do the "floating baby" thing. They also offer baby massages, and honestly, they look relaxing AF.

I know what you're thinking: uhhhhhhh, why? Well, here are the benefits of bringing your gurgling poop machine to a Baby Spa according to the Baby Spa Perth website.

One of the initial benefits you will observe is that your baby will be able to move around freely in warm water, which is impossible to do on land at a very young age due to gravity and constant constraints from bassinets, swaddles, clothing and pushchairs. Secondly, as your baby moves against the resistance of the water, their musculature and skeletal strengthens as the spine unfolds. Hydrostatic pressure of water on your baby’s body will result in the deepening of his/her breathing. This pressure also stimulates their circulatory system.

One 45-minute session consisting of hydrotherapy and an infant massage will set you back $85 (a.k.a. about 400 diapers), but hey, parents! Make sure you are taking care of yourself, too. If anyone deserves to float around in warm bath by their neck without a care in the world, it's you.

File this under: WTF is wrong with people??? Last week, a waiter at Saint Marc, an upscale restaurant in Huntington Beach, California, refused to serve four Latina customers unless they showed "proof of residency."

"I need to make sure you’re from here," he said, according to one of the customers, 24-year-old Diana Carrillo, who has Mexican heritage but was born in the US. Not that it should make the slightest difference. She shared about the ordeal on Facebook in a post which has been shared over a thousand times:

She wrote:

A few friends and I went to Saint Marc's in Huntington Beach today. My sister and my friend were seated first and the waiter asked them for their "proof of residency" when they ordered a drink. My friend in disbelief repeated what he said and his response was "yeah, I need to make sure you're from here before I serve you." Not knowing that this happened to them, my friend and I were then seated and he returned to the table and asked us for our "proof of residency." After fully digesting what he said, we all got up and left to speak to the manager. For a few seconds I thought maybe he was being a smart ass or joking but the fact that he said "I need to make sure you're from here before I serve you" was completely unacceptable. How many others has he said this too? I hope this employee is reprimanded for his actions. No establishment should tolerate discriminatory actions from their employees. PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!

Kent Bearden, the restaurant's senior director of operations, told The Washington Post that the waiter has since been fired, and that before the incident he “had never received so much as a write-up” before (uh, ok).

“I don’t know if he had an agenda or not,” said Bearden. “My concern is he violated a company policy. We’re very specific about how we treat our guests. That individual did not treat a table of guests to the expectations that we set forth in that company policy, and that caused him to be terminated.”

According to the Washington Post, the restaurant’s management reached out to Carrillo to apologize and offer her a "VIP experience" at the restaurant, which she and her friends turned down. But they did accept the restaurant's offer to donate 10 percent of the weekend’s proceeds to a nonprofit of their choice. They chose Orange County Immigrant Youth United, an organization that "advocates for the rights of undocumented immigrants to live free from exploitation and persecution."

Carrillo, whose parents are both immigrants, said she had been "warned" about this kind of treatment by her parents but hadn't experienced it firsthand. Until now. She told The Post that she wondered if the waiter's behavior was a result of “who is President."

The same president who spreads xenophobic rhetoric and is proposing to build an actual wall to keep out immigrants? Yeah, sounds about right.

Malaysia-based Airasia employee Assraf Nasir recreated the video for Britney Spears' hit song, "Toxic." There's no better place to recreate the iconic video than on a plane, and hey, guess what? Flight attendants have access to planes.

The video has been watched almost four million times, because who doesn't love "Toxic" and people recreating "Toxic"?

Speaking to the Huffington Post, Nasir said,

I used to be a performing arts teacher before I became a flight attendant and dance has always been my passion. Once a dancer, always a dancer. The video was meant to be for some close friends and I didn’t expect it would go viral and receive such an overwhelming response, but I guess when you work for a fun company, fun is never far away.

According to the Huffington Post, the video was shot and posted to Twitter by Nasir's coworker Roberto Angkin. But the best part is that CEO of AirAsia, Tony Fernandes, actually posted the video to his own Instagram account.

His caption reads, "Classic. Airasia version of Toxic. The talent in Airasia never fails to amaze me. @assrafnasir is the best. Love it that staff can just have fun and be themselves." Or be Britney Spears.

There is one thing I am sure to be true: Karma is real. One burglar in France recently learned that the hard way, but in his defense, he was very drunk.

French authorities reported that after returning to the store he'd robbed earlier, an intoxicated burglar somehow managed to get stuck in the hole he'd created in the window.

Are you ready for this photo, folks? It's truly priceless.

Yep! There he is. Ah, precious memories. Perhaps this photo will remind him what this night entailed when he's horrifically hungover in the morning.

In a post to their Facebook page, the Gendarmerie des Pyrénées-Atlantiques explained that a break-in was reported at the store on Wednesday night. By the time police arrived, however, the suspect had already fled.

Police were called back to the store in the wee hours of the morning on Thursday. It was then that they discovered the burglar with his body stuck in the window.

Firefighters were able to pry the drunk criminal from the window. He was then put in a "drunk tank" to sober up before questioning.

It remains unclear why the burglar thought it'd be a good idea to return to the scene of the crime, but then again, everything seems like a good idea when you're drunk.

Many people today would not know their times tables or the preamble to the Constitution without the magical melodies ofSchoolhouse Rock!, and finally, there's a ditty for sex ed.

The good people at activist/comedy group Lady Parts Justice League used the power of singing, anthropomorphic objects to spread facts about an important, often misunderstood little friend: the Plan B morning-after pill.

Orange is the New Black's Lea DeLaria brings the morning-after pill to life, using stone cold science refute a drug store cashier's (and Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch's) belief that Plan B is the same as an abortion. Actually, no, that is not the case.

"I'm Just a Pill" sings out that Plan B prevents pregnancy, not terminates it.

Lady Parts Justice League founder and Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead told the Huffington Post that the group timed the video's release to the first day of Judge Neil Gorsuch's Supreme Court confirmation hearings.

"In his past rulings, [Gorsuch] has shown he lacks an understanding of basic science, for example, how pregnancy happens or birth control works," Winstead said. "It is imperative that we don't fill our Supreme Court with judges whose working knowledge of the reproductive system is akin to their working knowledge of pagers."

Here's hoping "I'm Just a Pill" gets stuck in Gorsuch's head, too.