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24 men share how they know their wives are 'still the one.' Love might actually be real.

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Like most rewarding things in life, marriage takes a lot of work. Marriage is about teamwork, compromise, and being there for your partner at every turn. When both parties do these things, the appreciation for one another comes naturally. And with that, you are often reminded of why you married your amazing spouse in the first place.

A man on Reddit posted a thread asking, "Guys with over a decade of marriage, what's your "Yep, she's STILL the one" moment?" Men commented with some of the sweetest things I have ever read online. I'm not crying, you're crying!

Check out some of our favorites, and make sure you have some tissues within reach.

1. TheFlyingScotsman60 has me over here thinking love might be real.

27 years later I still get excited when she comes home from work or where ever. 27 years later we still make each other roll with laughter. I just love it when I see her laughing her head off with tears rolling down her cheeks. We are in this together, through the highs and the lows. It is us, a damn good team, against the rest of it and she does not take prisoners. I love her unconditionally and she me.

2. GadreelsSword cherishes the little things.

After twenty years she still takes ME out to dinner. She’s always interested in my day. She will spontaneously give me a hug for no reason. She sends me funny pictures on my phone.

It’s the little things.

3. tavernau has me literally sobbing.

Over a decade together but not married.

I've got terminal cancer and she's still here.

I love her more every day and it rips me apart that will end sometime too early. We make the most of it and get on with it.

4. DJGrawlix has a keeper.

19 years together I've been cooking all our meals for about 9 years now. A few weeks ago she tells me she wants to start cooking a dinner a week to help get me out of my rut. Best Valentines day present I've had in a while! It makes me feel supported and gives me a little more time for my other projects.

5. toddlschuler and his wife keep things spicy.

19 years. Waited in bed this morning until she got out of the shower just so I could get a peek at her boobs to start my day.

6. PleaseDontTouchThose has my heart swelling.

11 years and quite frankly it’s most days, not big events but all the little things. I literally couldn’t imagine life without her. She’s not just the one, she is the only possible one, irreplaceable.

7. Alwaysloves found a way to make me 'aww' at a story involving bodily fluids.

I’m currently off work sick. She’s just come into the room while I’m exploding with diarrhea to empty my sick bucket for me.

She’s the one.

8. JeepNaked, how dare you do this to my heart.

Every time she walks in the room, even after 20 years my heart skips a beat.

9. chicken_on_the_cob has the most thoughtful wife.

Loving this thread. My response is a bit lighthearted but true nonetheless. Every year since 2006 my two friends from high school and I go camping for 4 days, and my wife stays at home with the kids. The trip is the highlight of my year TBH, as I rarely get to see these guys. This year I got home from work late the night before the trip and found she had cleaned all my dirty cooking utensils, pots, pans, etc and repacked then for me. It’s a little thing, but just an example of how thoughtful she is.

10. Fuel_junkie is still head over heels for this one.

It still amazes me that we are still the bestest of friends. We complete each others thoughts all the time. We are so in sync it borderlines on paranormal. We will be doing two completely different things and have the same exact thoughts. I can’t count how many times that we would be chilling in bed, playing on our phones and both, at the same same time, burst with excitement to show each other the same picture or meme.(We both cruise Reddit and Facebook at any given time)

It’s just amazing to think she is literally my other half.

Ten years later she still supports every dream I have and she works harder just to help me achieve it. She has sacrificed her time and energy to better our lives when she could use every excuse and get away with not doing much of anything.

She really is the best.

11. FaisalKhatib, okay seriously, you're making me use up all of my tissues.

Been married 6 years but I've been with her for almost a decade.

We've got a disabled kid. We've been through more downs than ups. We're financially, physically and mentally struggling. I stay at home (work part time) to take care of the kid. She works full time and takes care of the kid on weekends (So I can get a break). She has zero time for herself.

I'm a bundle of joy killing negativity. She's full of optimism. She wants a second child. We can't afford it but she doesn't care. She believes we can make it work. I keep breaking her dreams. She still loves me more than anything else in the world. She'll always be the one. Wish I could be better. It breaks my heart a little every day.

12. benevolentgastronomy has the best high school sweethearts story of all time.

Married 4 years, though we’re high school sweethearts (almost 30 now) and she has supported me though several ruts, starting a business, dissolving a business, and through several pointless jobs. She still believes that I can accomplish anything and is often more enthusiastic of my dreams than I am.

We have two kids now and she has had body image issues since the last one. She still gets new and exciting lingerie because she knows I love seeing her body even when she doesn’t.

The moment though had to be in college when we were on mushrooms and went to the music practice rooms and she played piano and we both sang songs from the phantom of the opera. I was already in love with her voice, but it was immediately apparent that our voices fit together. We rode that high, but we never lost it. We still play together constantly and when I sing our kids nursery rhymes I can hear her harmonizing in the other room.

13. Raymien and his wife have a signature look.

I'll be married 26 years this August, the moment is when she gives me that "look".

The one that says "I'm happy, your happy, were both happy". Then we both seem to end up smiling, and maybe even laughing for nothing.

It's probably not the best explanation, bit is the gods honest truth.

14. MGTOWtoday, awwwww, stop!!!

Too many things to count. Just one example. I need the bedroom to be cold so I can sleep. But I get overheated while I’m sleeping and will kick the blankets off me in my sleep. Then I wake up freezing. Now whenever she gets up before me, she’ll cover me back up.

15. krutchreefer the vulnerabilty here is too cute.

Married for 11 years together for 18. We still laugh a lot. We travel really well together. We are still both genuinely interested in the other person. THE thing though, is that when the world feels like it’s against me, she can always talk me through it and make me feel better. She is one of the very few people I will shed my armor for.

16. Olddellago is married to a hero.

She ate a whole gallon of ice cream last night. God I love her.

17. Sykotik just made my heart explode.

Every single time she laughs. I could be 100ft. away across a crowded room and when she laughs I just crumble.

18. Weltraumwurm loves his wife unconditionally.

We had a dyson vacuum cleaner. Three years after I’d bought it, she came and asked me how to turn it on.

Then she broke it. Love her to bits.

19. Mugi_Li84 reminds us not to give up hope if you don't find the one the first time around.

Only been 3yrs with this woman. My last marriage to my ex had bad communication. She jus didn't handle conflict well. My current 3yr relationship....everytime we have a disagreement. No one raises they voice, no one curses, we jus search for the middle ground and leave it there...and it's soooo refreshing .

20. noironicname is making me feel all of the feels.

Where to begin. Over 30 years together and she still amazes me. She has a lot of health problems and has had more than her share of surgeries (8 and counting) and is in constant pain. When she smiles or laughs my world stops. It truly is a 1000 watt smile. After her surgeries when she couldn't do much, she would watch all the cooking shows . Now even though she has a lot of pain and can't stand for long she cooks me a gourmet meal almost every night. She has told me that if I ever run across a recipe that sounds good just print it out and she will make it. When I do find one, within a couple of days there it is for dinner. She truly does treat me like a King. I've hit the jackpot with her. We joke a lot and usually have a lot of fun together. On movie night there is popcorn and beer waiting for me to enjoy along with the movie. You are truly lucky if you find a partner like her. I love and admire her so much. I am one lucky man.

21. DrRumdumcabbage just made me consider opening myself up to love. What is happening???

Whenever we take a drive and put on Spotify, she already controls it because she's the passenger (she doesn't enjoy driving). She always plays Damn, I wish I was your lover. A year or two ago (we've been together 18 years, married 14), while on a 8 hour drive to visit family she told me she plays it because once, before we started dating she played it over and over, memorizing the lyrics, the whole time imagining we were together.

She said the song makes get so overjoyed were still together. I always thought it was a meh song, but now I love hearing it.

22. Raptor922 just got real and I am here for it.

Not quite married a decade (9 years this year), but best friends for 14 years, so I'll leave my half a cent.

For us, there's no "still the one". When we were married, we committed to life together. Our marriage certainly hasn't been perfect. The first year or two were hard. The next 5 developed a rhythm. The next few have been about growth.

If we're going to be stuck together for a really long time, we might as well learn how to be a better partner for each other. We've been in therapy every 6 weeks for the past couple years, together and separately. Not because our marriage is in trouble, but because we both know we can always be better.

The reason we are "still the one" for each other is because we both choose to be. We both know we're flawed people, and we know we're often blind to our own flaws. As life changes, flaws improve, and sometimes new ones appear.

I think the key to a happy relationship is to be humble enough to always be making yourself a better partner - and to have a partner who does the same.

23. braywarshawsky is making me feel some type of way.

We'll be married 12 years in June 2019, but have been together for 19 years. I'll tell ya, the relationship between us has taken on a whole different depth of mutual understanding, respect, and devoted love to each other. Especially after kids came into the picture, one of which is special needs. I can't even begin to describe how much she means to me, and is truly my rock of our family foundation. To answer your initial question (sorry for babbling on) my true "yep she's still the one", is how in little moments she'll daze out while watching tv next to our daughter, and they'll have the exact same expression on their faces. They'll notice that I'm looking at them, and get embarrassed & turn red in the face... That's it. A momentary fix.

24. kayne3k brings it home with this disgustingly adorable one.

I woke up about 3 am this morning as our daughter was crying. She's a baby that's fine. Me and the wife were holding hands in our sleep. I don't know how often we do it but it happens from time to time.

Actual footage of me after reading these:


Woman asks if she's wrong for telling her boyfriend he has a small d*ck. The internet weighs in.

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In the age of big dick energy, sometimes we forget about the people on the other end. That is to say, we aren't always talking about those who are...less endowed. And even with all the hype about big dick energy, it would make sense why those who have a smaller package aren't talking about it. There's a standard set, and it explicitly implies that bigger is better, and men often feel emasculated if they don't meet this standard.

Men with small penises are sometimes preoccupied with this trait of theirs. That is certainly the case in a story shared by woman on Reddit. She posted on the board "AITAH," which stands for "Am I the ass hole," asking people if she was in the wrong for telling her boyfriend that his dick is below average size. However, her story isn't that simple. Her boyfriend had repeatedly asked her about it, so she only did so because he kept badgering her about it.

Here is the original post:

I know the title itself makes me sound awful but hear me out. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he's small down there, like 4 inches give or take. He constantly asks me if it's big enough, if I can feel it, and I always reassure him and tell him he's fine. I tell him I'm not with him for his penis and he has nothing to worry about.

However the last few days he got increasingly agitated and kept asking me if I was lying, if he's too small, and wouldn't take "You're fine" or "You're average" or "I don't care how big it is" for an answer. I told him to stop pestering me but this went on for a few more days until I snapped and told him he's below average but he has nothing to worry about. Obviously he didn't take it well.

I don't lie to him and say it's big, I say he's average, has nothing to worry about, etc.

denvarte didn't think she was the ass hole here, and that the boyfriend was actually in the wrong:

NTA. Dude is picking fights

Y102K pointed out how toxic masculinity was also at fault:

As a man, we are conditioned from a young age to think that penis size is incredibly important and is one of the things that defines whether or not you're a man. It's so deep seeded that even though I know statistically (cause we've pretty much all looked it up and measures eventually) that I'm average sized, I still sometimes feel like it's not good enough. Just one of the things to attribute to toxic masculinity and such.

pizzabangle had some words of advice as well:

Absolutely, he knows exactly what size his penis is and how it compares statistically with others. Sounds like he cares more about having his ego constantly stroked than enjoying a positive sex life with his partner. Even when he's asking "can you feel it" it's more about him and his perceived inadequacies than their mutual sexual satisfaction. OP is not his therapist but it sounds like he needs one.

cocodigital was also on the woman's side:

He knows he’s small So he should get over it , asking you is like testing you which is weird

Upiko agreed with others in terms of this guy's insecurity:

NTA, he should've laid off after first 2 times. Dude got serious insecurity issues

MacchaExplosion wrote a script for the woman to use:

NAH. It sounds like he knows it is below average size but that awareness is causing him to self-sabotage. You've done your best to make him feel comfortable and confident. I recommend just continuing to be honest with him. Give him a "Look, you are relatively small when compared with your peers. That is a statistical mother-fucking fact. But get over yourself, because I'm here with you despite that. You are a wonderful person who cares about my pleasure and that's enough for me. If it is not enough for you then go out and find what you are looking for. This dude on reddit named MacchaExplosion has offered to forward you an advertisement from his Spam folder that will make you larger down there if that is what you so desire. Ball's in your court, baby."

benj2305 saw both sides:

He is smaller than average, but what good is it going to do either of them for her to say it that way? If he's this insecure about it, he isn't going to magically hear that statement as a fact. It's going to sound like a dig.

But still OP is NTA in this situation. He shouldn't ask questions he doesn't want the answer to, particularly so often.

hunterhast95 has a very empathetic outlook on the whole thing:

NTA. Sounds like you were truthful. The truth sometimes hurts. He can’t help it, and you know that. You like the guy for other reasons and you’ve told him it doesn’t matter, that it’s fine and he has nothing to worry about. If he worries about it, it’s on him. But try to be understanding about his insecurities, because that is a truly troubling subject to a lot of men.

What do you think? Is it rude to tell your partner that he has a small peen? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

15 people share their scariest 'oh sh*t my parents are gonna kill me' childhood moments.

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We all made a few very scary mistakes as a child or teenager.

Whether it was sneaking out of school, drinking underage, totally destroying something valuable, deliberately disobeying rules, or accidentally setting your house on fire--sometimes the moments that made your life look like a fun teen scene from "Mean Girls," actually got you grounded for months. (Shout out to the detention I got for roasting the entire high school staff in a poem!)

When a recentReddituser asked, "What was your 'oh shit my life is over my parents are gonna kill me' moment you had as a child/teen?' the internet was truly ready to share their most terrifying moments.

1. Aw, "warriorgramma."

When I was 6, I spilled grape juice on the tan carpet in the living room. I put a pillow over it, laid on the pillow, and vowed that I would stay there the rest of my life so my parents would never find out. I lasted about 45 minutes. My mom was more upset that I got grape juice on the pillow, rather than the carpet.

2. Damn, "Swegpai."

I thought it was a good idea to play with some candles while having a LOTR marathon. Turns out that was a bad idea because I ended up getting distracted and set the family couch on fire. I frantically put it out and threw a blanket over it. I didn't leave that couch for a week.

3. Sibling wars, "TransposingJons."

In our single digits, my older brother locked me out of the house while parents were out. I threw a stick at the back door, and shattered the storm door glass. Knew I was gonna get a lickin', but my Bro got the lickin' instead for locking me out!

He was a real jerk to me as a kid, and we are in our fifties now, but he still brings up how guilty he feels for it. That kinda makes up for how much I despised him back then ;-)

4. Smart, "Mason110417."

I snuck out and took the car when I was 16 before I had a license to drive at night. I hit a pot hole and blew a tire. I rode around on a shredded tire for 2-3 minutes before I drove up on a guy smoking a cigarette in his driveway. He helped me change it. The next morning my parents woke up early and were going to take the car somewhere and the spare was still on. Luckily this was right when the Goodyear or Firestone tires were all blowing out and I told my parents that it happened earlier in the day the day before and I just didn't have a chance to tell them.

5. Oh boy, "Stotakoya."

My parents paid for my mobile phone subscription. Got a girlfriend and called a lot more. Too much more. Raked up a 600 eur. bill.

My soul left my body that day.

6. A true hero, "BirdInASuit."

There was a small lizard trapped in our garage under a pile of wood so I moved some of them so it could get out. I must have accidentally knocked over a larger plank in the process, that landed on my dad's car and went straight through the windshield. Lizard was fine though.

7. Classic, "Van_Herenhuis."

The five seconds between my mum catching me smoking and actually speaking back when I was 14.

8. Busted, "russel0406."

Parents were away for the weekend, I took my dads keys and took it for a small drive. I was never allowed to drive unsupervised, didnt have a license or anythibg. Was a thrill, I came back, parked, left the keys in the same drawer he left them in.

Monday arrives, I come back from school and my dad asks me to come look at the car, with a death glare. I had forgot to pull the seat back after adjusting them for my 14 year old legs.

9. Yikes, "Shelldonix."

Getting drunk at the age of 14 at a house party. My mum met me a few minutes walk away. She could hear my ridiculously drunk self the entire walk.

10. This is terrifying, "NYankee1927."

Getting pulled over by 3 police cars for doing 70 in a 45. My dad happened to call as I was talking with the officers. They asked to speak with him. After a few min they handed the phone back and said “you better go home, that is going to be worse than the ticket we are giving you” that was a whole lot of yelling at home.

11. This is so embarrassing, "Bluejay5701."

For a month I kept taking the internet cord from my parents room and running it to the living room. Plugging it in the TV box. I was washing the dishes when my dad started reading out the porn titles on the bill....

12. Oh no, "whimsical_warrior."

I put my cheap gel pens in a microwave when I was 11 because they wouldn't work and my teacher told me that it's because the ink has 'frozen'. Let's say I had to work extra that summer so I could get a new microwave.

13. Oh no, "cardboardshrimp."

I skipped school by leaving the house, climbing on the garage and waiting for my mum to leave. I jumped down to let myself in as she drove off and set myself up for a day on my PS1. She then came back as she’d forgotten something and I wanted to die in a hole. The yelling was something to behold. Didn’t do that again!

14. Ergh, "whatevazsam."

Was texting my brother asking for help with something so that my mom wouldn't get mad, called her a bitch in the text. Sent it to my mom.

15. S'mores are dangerous, "GJones007."

When I was 11 I wanted s'mores and I was home alone. I went out back and made (what I thought was) a safe little fire surrounded by rocks. Wrong.

Ultimately, the embers caught some leaves under my parents deck on fire and I watched in abject horror as their house went up in the biggest motherfucking flames I'd ever seen.

They were loving and supportive after finding out I was alive but certainly less than thrilled at my idiocy.

22 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You Have Kids.

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"Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare."
- Ed Asner

Being a parent is no easy task. Do you love your kids? Absolutely. Are they total monsters? Definitely. Here are 22 hilarious memes every stressed-out parent needs to see.

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Paul Rudd finally revealed his secret to never aging. Sorry, it can't be bought.

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By now, it's likely that you know that Paul Rudd is immortal. At some point in his career, he either convened with a coven of witches or a dark apartment full of vampires in order to be imbued with the ability to never age.

His ability to forgo the normal aging process has been common knowledge for years, but it was confirmed once more this past weekend when Rudd attended a Clueless reunion at the Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo.

The photos from the event showed the cast 25 years after the movie was released, and Rudd suspiciously looks exactly the same age as he did in the movie.

Seriously though, everyone from the cast looks happy and healthy, but Rudd's ability to transcend the natural aging process feels nothing short of a mystery. He doesn't look like he's had plastic surgery done, and yet his face looks 25. Obviously, everyone ages differently and a healthy lifestyle can do wonders, but this feels borderline creepy.

So, finally, after torturing the public with his beauty for decades, Rudd was pressured by his costars to share his secret. His answer still leaves us with a lot of questions, but it's something.

"I'm 80 years old on the inside. In here, pure darkness. And a little moisturiser," Rudd revealed.

This just confirms the fact that Rudd undoubtedly has a strong skin care routine, and likely some deal with the devil.

People are demanding the actual Mueller report after Trump's AG just put out a TL;DR.

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On Sunday, Donald Trump's Attorney General William Barr delivered a TL;DR of the much-anticipated Mueller report to Congress, and the president is pumped.

We have yet to see what Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller III actually discovered in his 22-month descent into Trumplandia (IS THERE A PEE TAPE OR NOT?!), but Trump is claiming victory.

The letter says, “The Special Counsel states that 'while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him,'" but Trump has decided to ignore that part, and the media is going along for the ride.

Barr's letter includes Barr's ruling that Trump didn't obstruct justice, and only four incomplete sentences of Mueller's words, so we still don't know exactly what Mueller had to say.

White House Press Secretary and Evil Cabbage Patch Kid Sarah Huckabee Sanders is punting on whether the public will actually get to see the allegedly exonerating report.

To many, it's not enough to simply read the Wikipedia summary of Mueller's findings—they want to read the damn thing themselves.

If there's nothing to hide, what does the White House have to lose?

The story ain't over, and it probably won't be until November 3rd, 2020.

The 'Fuller House' cast hinted their support of Lori Loughlin at the Kid's Choice Awards. People are pissed.

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Lori Loughlin is definitely not having a very good March.

The star of "Full House" and Netflix's weird and totally unnecessary (sequel?) "Fuller House" was exposed in the most ridiculous college admissions scandal of all time. By forging photos of her daughters rowing and funneling money through a fake charity in exchange for crooked SAT proctors, Loughlin got both of her daughters into the highly competitive University of Southern California. The daughter getting the most heat is instagram influencer Olivia Jade, who is clearly very serious about her studies and totally deserves to be at USC:

While Olivia Jade was on a USC official's yacht for spring break (such a struggle) when the news broke, Loughlin hasn't stayed out of the spotlight. The internet has been ruthlessly roasting her because if the Fyre Fest documentaries taught us anything, there's nothing the world loves more right now than rich people and Instagram models falling flat on their faces. The only thing that would make this better is if USC turned out to be four years of classes taught by this sandwich:

While everyone is having a great time laughing about rich people having to cheat their way into college, it seems like the cast of "Fuller House" is fully supporting Loughlin. While they didn't mention her name directly, when "Fuller House" won a Kid's Choice Award, the cast's message was clear:

Sure, this is sweet and everyone loves the nostalgia of "Fuller House," but just because her co-stars are quick to forgive her doesn't mean the rest of us are.

Loughlin reportedly will not be returning to the show for the final season and it seems like that is probably the best move. Unless Netflix is interested in taking "Freckle Fart 90" up on his "Orange is the New Black" pitch. Sorry, Aunt Becky, but this is something you really can't come back from.

Jameela Jamil's story about sexual harassment inspires women to share their own stories.

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Navigating the world as a woman is a constant practice in self-defense, even the most conceptually basic everyday tasks require vigilance when you are constantly being harassed and gawked at by strange men.

In a recent thread, The Good Place actress Jameela Jamil shared a few stories of times she's been harassed by men, and how far too often the best way to get a man to leave you alone is by mentioning a boyfriend.

Sadly, her experiences resonated with tons of other women who opened up about their experiences with daily harassment, and the ways they navigate persistent and often scary men.

Many of them have at some point pretended a male friend was a boyfriend in order to avoid another man harassing them.

In fact, one woman's friend pretended they were married in order to shield her from a harasser, and the dynamic ended as foreshadowing for their future real marriage. This is one rare sweet ending to an all-too-familiar brand of horrifying story.

Unfortunately, most of the anecdotes don't end with a rom com ending, most of them end with women deeply exhausted by a culture that keeps them in a constant state of panic.

As the thread filled up, Jamil pointed out how much of men's entitlement towards women come from an inability to take rejection. If we taught children (of all genders) how to manage their anger and sadness at rejection, it would help nip some of this aggressive behavior in the bud.

While these types of conversations can feel deeply depressing, frank discussions of misogyny are necessary if we want a cultural shift. Brainstorming more conscious ways to raise kids, and exposing and education men about the realities women face are a few concrete ways to fight sexism.


12 recovering procrastinators share how they started getting sh*t done.

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Who among us, hasn't found ourselves anxiously snacking and falling down a Youtube rabbithole when we were late for a deadline or supposed to be doing uncomfortable errands?! Procrastination is a hallmark of human nature, and while it often leaves us twice as stressed and miserable, it always sounds a lot more fun than actually completing our to-do lists.

While it's a deeply common habit, it doesn't take a behavioral psychologist to pinpoint the ways procrastination is self-perpetuating, and makes life endlessly more stressful. Nonetheless, it's such an easy cycle to continue, and breaking out of a Youtube rabbithole to "get things done" only sounds appealing to deeply unrelatable people. But still, it's supposedly possible to lead a productive life void of hours of anxious fixation on NOT making progress.

In a recent Reddit thread, former procrastinators shared how they finally broke the cycle, and it's encouraging to know that freedom is possible.

1. NibblesMcGiblet laid out their entire shift in perspective, and how they reinforce these new healthier habits.

"For me, it came down to emotional toll of procrastination and my desire to eliminate that as much as possible.

I realized that I was causing myself 2-3-4x the emotional stress and upset because of procrastinating, and my desire to "feel good" is too important to me to allow that."

"For example, let's imagine I have to make a difficult phone call about something stressful (just making up something that one might procrastinate over). Now, my normal routine in life would be to wake up, know i need to make this call, immediately feel an emotional reaction of dread and negativity at that thought. Then engage in something intentionally consuming so that I could try to make myself not think about the stressful thing, hoping that I could actually forget about it. Let's say that I chose to instead clean the house. So, then during the entire house cleaning / avoidant activity, I would randomly get stabs of nerves/discomfort in my chest/stomach when I woudl randomly think to myself "BUT THAT PHONE CALL"... I would spend three hours doing house work and during that time I might think of the phone call 8 times, each time getting a stab of discomfort that would last a couple of minutes."

"So now I've spent three hours of my day feeling nervous and negative about/because this phone call. AND I DIDN"T EVEN MAKE IT YET.

So I finally make the call. It takes seven minutes and it sucks. Afterwards, the relief is immense."

"So, this is my OLD way of dealing with stuff. My old way was to spend 3 hours of unhappy and unpleasant negative emotions and physical reactions (nervous adrenaline dumping and stomach upset etc every time I thought about it) while procrastinating PLUS 7 uncomfortable minutes on the phone. So, 187 minutes of total shit feelings were created for myself, by myself. When I could have simply realized I had to make a shitty call, made the shitty call immediately, and only wasted 8 minutes of my day on feeling bad. Realizing this made me feel like I was my own worst enemy for awhile there, but it was what I needed in order to change I guess."

"My new way of dealing with this - I wake up, realize I have to make a phone call that is going to be stressful. I think to myself "there is no way I'm going to let 187 minutes of my day get dedicated to this negative feeling. I'm calling right now so I can move on with my day, because feeling good is way more important to me than forcing myself to feel bad for the next few hours. I don't have time for that shit."

"Likewise, now if I know I have to go deal with the DMV I don't put it off until 2pm and spend the hours from 8am to 2pm dreading it - that basically turns the one hour DMV unpleasantness into 7 hours of DMV unpleasantness. Six hours of dread plus one hour of dealing with it. Why would I do that to myself?"

"Nah. Now I value myself and my happiness over my internal sabotage mechanism that pretends to be "procrastination". that may be the word we use for it, but what it really is, is emotional self-harm, and now that I recognize that I'm not doing that to myself anymore. I prefer to not be unhappy as much as possible."

2. mysticalfruit lives by the "eat the toad" mantra.

"The term I use is called "Eating the toad." It isn't going to taste any better the longer you wait so you might as well eat the fucking thing and be done with it."

3. celtic1888 finally accepted it will never get easier.

"I learned and accepted this when I turned 30. I'm still dealing with it. Better to get the bad shit out of the way early on and just deal with it than fretting about it for days/weeks and then still having to deal with it."

"I've also been a really disorganized thinker. Very creative but really bad about completely finishing a task. I discovered workflows and kaizen principles and it's completely changed the way I work and manage other employees."

"It is amazing how functional an entire division runs if everyone knows the rules, has input into creating and improving tasks and understands the product cycle. I end up looking like a genius by sticking to the principles in a 12 page booklet"

4. PacificNorthLeft finds compartmentalizing deeply helpful.

"Break down your day into a list. List everything you need to do, even if it seems small/easy. Start by accomplishing some easy tasks on the list, build up some momentum and confidence. Then tackle a bigger one. If it’s complicated enough, break down that task into another list. Compartmentalizing makes things seem less daunting."

5. Needyouradvice93 starts small, then gets bigger.

"I think a lot of people overcomplicate productivity. I use notepad and start with easier things. I keep it easy enough so I don't feel like shit if I don't get to everything. Today is basically meal prep, clean and car, plan for week, exercise, meditate, and tax reform."

6. fightevilbymoonlight practices tasks before actually doing them.

"This is exactly what I did, especially if I was afraid to do something. For a long time I had social anxiety and couldn't even think about trying to find a job, so I would practice going in to places and just ask for applications without filling them out or turning them in for awhile, just to get used to that without panicking."

"Then I would fill them out without turning them in, then turn them in, slowly start studying the do's and don't's of interviewing, etc. Eventually I worked my self-confidence up to the point where I was able to get a job."

"Whether it's it's laziness or fear or whatever holding you back, tiny, incremental steps are key."

7. noxinboxes knows depression can play a huge role in procrastination, so rewarding yourself for necessary tasks is also motivating.

"When I was at a low point in my life, I would put everyday items on a list to get me on a roll. Brush teeth. Check! Make breakfast. Check! Apply for a job online. Check! Start small and the momentum will carry you."

8. BKLounge swears by an organizing tool.

"Workflowy is my favorite FREEEEE tool for this sort of thing as well as general note taking. My entire life is basically in here now. The issue I found with a lot of list/note taking tools is they are too complex and if they take too much time or effort to make lists or manage items I just wont do it."

"Super minimal UI and 0 to no learning curve. Give it a shot, you'd be surprised how useful categorizing items into hierarchies can be.

https://workflowy.com/invite/37dcb415.lnx Edit: Its also great for quickly moving text/hype"

9. acp1284 saw firsthand what extreme procrastination does.

"I worked for a boss who was a bigger procrastinator than me. His lack of action caused me so much havoc. He’d put off mundane decisions as long as possible then expect me to stay at the office all night and weekends to get the work done. And then he’d shit on my work. “You were here all night doing that? I could have done that in ten minutes!” No concept of time. And then he would keep piling projects on and want to know why I wasn’t making progress on all of it."

"I figured out how to shut him up. Every morning I’d print out a prioritized list of every project he gave along with estimated amount of time to do it and estimated completion date and what I needed from him before I could start. I’d set that on the corner of the desk and he’d wander by now and then and want to know why something wasn’t done and I’d just point to the list."

"Stopped working for him long ago but I still make the lists. The other thing is I learned to say no to people and to not over schedule my life."

10. Appropriate_Mine is still working on it.

"I'm still a terrible procrastinator, but the one piece of advice that often helps is that the longer you put something off, the more time is spent being anxious about it."

11. lunahrs practices the five second rule.

"I have this really powerful rule for when I seriously don’t feel like doing anything but I KNOW that I have to do it... I call it my 5 second rule. I clearly tell myself what I need to do, where I need to do it etc. then I count down from five in my head. The MOMENT I get to one, I get the fuck up and do the thing that needs to be done. No hesitation, no second thoughts. I use it sparingly to maintain its power. It’s worked every time that I’ve used it."

12. scarface2cz believes the secret is being super busy.

"I only ever managed to get my shit together once i have too much work to do. if i have time, i will proscastinate. so get 2-3 jobs i guess."

Scary and Ginger Spice hooked up in the 90s and the news spiced up social media.

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Um, "Stop right now, thank you very much." Look, we know there's a lot of really important news happening right now (what's up Mueller?) but this is hands down the most exciting thing to report and it has absolutely nothing to do with Trump. Rejoice!

According to Mel B (AKA Scary Spice), there was a very spicy (sorry) romance between her and Geri Halliwell (AKA Ginger Spice) at the peak of their "Spice Girls" fame. Piers Morgan tried his absolute hardest to pry details of the affair out of Mel B and he eventually succeeded, despite the fact that Mel was nervous that Geri would be angry about it considering she now has a "posh" house and husband. Piers called the news a "Spice Girls bombshell," which is so on point. *Prays for more details on what "zig-a-zag ah" actually means.*

Even though Mel was scared, Ginger's husband, Christian Horner is reportedly not bothered at all by the news. Of course he isn't, nobody is! This is the sexiest news we've had in months! Who doesn't love "The Spice Girls?" Who doesn't love the idea of two of "The Spice Girls" getting it on? Mel even said she has "great boobs!" Can someone please make a sequel to "Spice World" that's all about this passionate love affair because everyone is freaking out. Some people are worried the news is going to interfere with the reunion tour, but it seems like this information would only help the tour? "Tonight, is the night, when 2 become 1." Who knew math could be so fun?

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You know what they say, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends." Get with your friends!

5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Barbra Streisand, because her Michael Jackson comments put her on the express train to Cancelledville.

Not funny, girl.

Yentl went mental with a truly disgusting #take on the allegations of sexual abuse against Michael Jackson.

The HBO documentary Leaving Neverlandfeatured two of his alleged victims, James Safechuck and Wade Robson, describing the years of abuse in devastating detail, and while many viewers have concluded that they can't pretend that Michael Jackson isn't a monster anymore, Streisand didn't dare to rain on his parade.

Babs told The Times of London:

His sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has. You can say “molested,” but those children, as you heard say, they were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.

Shame on you, Barbra.

This take boils down to "they got to go to Disney World, so the abuse was fine for them. Plus, they didn't die, so it's not that bad a crime!"

Streisand did some damage control, but The Greatest Star has dimmed in our eyes.


4. Michael Avenatti, because he's been arrested and charged with crimes.

Remember me? Though I have to say goodbye...

Remember Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels' ex-lawyer who helped expose a criminal conspiracy to get Trump elected, and then went all in on ambulance chasing by blowing up the Kavanaugh hearings and tried to pivot it into a run for president?

Well, Avenatti showed the world just how presidential he is by getting indicted in a truly bonkers extortion case involving Nike.

Avenatti rode Stormy Daniels' coattails to become a cable news staple. Seriously, he was somehow on every show on every network at the same time. According to The Washington Post,prosecutors are saying that he used his newfound fame to threaten Nike that he'd release damaging information about them if they didn't pay him and a client 20 million dollars.

The language in the complaint is...colorful.

The lawyer is impressively bicoastal. Not only was he accused of extortion by the Southern District of New York, he also faces federal charges of wire fraud and bank fraud in the Central District of California!

the mindy project GIF by Fox TV
Goals AF.

3. Mueller worshippers, because the silver fox didn't deliver a silver bullet.

Another majorly disappointing man.

The Mueller investigation into the Trump campaign's communications with Russia during the 2016 election was many things, and the invisible yet omnipresent Robert S. Mueller III really captured everyone's imaginations.

He was hailed as a hero, messiah, and even a sex symbol.

Brian and Ed Krassenstein, the Twitter-famous brothers who are always popping up in Trump's mentions, built their whole brand on cheering on Mueller as the One True Savior, and well, that was super naive.

Attorney General William Barr released his summary of Mueller's findings, and he made the ruling himself that his boss didn't obstruct justice. Trump claims that he has been "exonerated" by his own political appointees, which is just as lame as bragging about being praised by your own employees.

Looks like the only way to defeat Trump is going to be at the ballot box. Good thing there's an election coming up soon.


2. Justin Bieber, because he's being blamed for environmental destruction in Iceland.

Baby, NO!

Justin Bieber is many things.

A singer. A dancer. A cult leader.

And now, he has another accomplishment to add to his resumé: he's the destroyer of the 2 million-year-old Fjaðrárgljúfur,

The Biebs filmed his 2015 video "I'll Show You" there, which showed Fjaðrárgljúfur to a few too many people.

Icelandic officials are accusing Bieber for setting in motion the popular canyon's destruction, and too many people flocked to the fjord to get Instas following in his footsteps.

Daniel Freyr Jonsson, head of the Environment Agency of Iceland (Umhverfis Stofnun) said that "the great increase in foot traffic began after Bieber came."

According to the agency, there was "an increase of 50 percent to 80 percent between 2016, 2017 and 2018," and the foot traffic in the canyon have devastated the local vegetation.

The Environment Agency has decided to close the trails until June 1st, hopefully giving the ecosystem an opportunity to recover from Bieber fever.


1. This woman who live-tweeted being stranded on a Norwegian cruise ship, because that will take awhile to recover from.

Passengers on a luxury cruise ship in Norway were stranded at sea when the boat's engines failed after a storm, your worst nightmare coming true.

Cruisers had to be evacuated by helicopter, one by one, and a total of 479 were rescued.

Alexus Sheppard, an author an LGBT advocate, was one of them, and live-tweeted the calamity for us to see.

I vowed to never go on a cruise after Titanic, and now I extra-vow to stay on land as much as possible.

This viral tweet totally demolishes the idea that being gay is a 'choice.' Pay attention, Pence.

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It's truly wild to think about the fact that there are still people out there who think that being gay is a choice. Ahem, we're looking at you Mike Pence.

While there are some people that choose to be ignorant and refuse to validate any lifestyle other than their own, there are other people who genuinely don't understand. This is where Simon H, a musician in the United Kingdom, comes to save the day. While Simon's Twitter feed is usually filled with hot takes like this...

This time, Simon went viral. Taking to Twitter to explain why sexual preference isn't at all like making an easy breezy choice, he stuck his landing like a true champion.

Naturally, his logic resonated with a lot of people.

Apparently sarcasm can change lives!

25 Memes Men Probably Won't Find Funny.

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As women we deal with a lot of sh*t. Its time for a laugh, don't you think? Enjoy these hilarious memes and give yourself a break from all of the junk we have to deal with on a daily basis.

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Woman reveals how she stepped in to stop a man sexually harassing a teen girl on her flight.

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Most women who have traveled alone, or even sat separate from their travel buddies, have experienced harassment from men while traveling. Even if its a seemingly harmless conversation, these experiences can quickly escalate into dangerous terrain, and sadly predators creep on teens and young women the most.

Since this experience is so universal for women, we're often the best at spotting the warning signs of a potentially inappropriate situation. So, when the writer Joanna Chiu sat behind a man in his 30s getting too friendly with a teenage girl on a recent flight, she kept watch to make sure he didn't cross any boundaries.

The teenager was traveling with her family, but the seating separated her from the pack and placed her next to an overeager grown man.

The girl was friendly, as most teen girls are socialized to be, and the man seemed to read her politeness as interest.

Chiu, having experienced creeps herself, immediately spotted red flags in the dynamic and even leaned in to call him out at one point during the exchange.

Another woman sitting nearby had also noticed the man's behavior, and told the teenager she could change seats if she felt uncomfortable.

Both women ended up reporting the behavior to the flight staff, and the man was asked to change seats, which caused him to resist and start swearing.

After the man had moved, the flight attendants checked on the teen girl and wrote up a full report of the incident.

But what struck Chiu the most, was how the male passengers on the plane seemed completely oblivious to what was going on. Or worse yet, they didn't see the issue with a grown man hitting on a minor.

Chiu went on to share how important it is for adults to stay alert and be willing to intervene in situations like this, in order to create a safer world for young women, and teenagers in general.

She also praised the flight for handling the situation so swiftly and professionally, and shared a picture of a thank you card she received.

She then went on to share educational resources for both men and women who want to get better at spotting and intervening in harassment scenarios.

A lot of people also praised Chiu and the other woman for taking much needed action, and preventing the teenager from experiencing a full-blown traumatic event.

It's refreshing to hear a story of a creep being intercepted for once, hopefully this thread will help give even more people an idea of how to stop predators in plain sight.

25 Utterly Random Memes Everyone Should Laugh At This Morning.

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Good morning, sunshine. It's time to rise and shine. Before you know it you'll be dragging yourself to work to pretend to be a human for 8 hours. Before your day gets too crazy, check out these hysterical memes. Laughter is the best way to start off your day.

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Jameela Jamil got real about the financial cost of looking 'perfect' and everyone's thanking her.

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Jameela Jamil of "The Good Place" is the anti-body shaming, anti-Kardashian hero we all need right now.

In addition to adamantly protesting celebrities who market appetite suppressants, meal replacements, unnecessary plastic surgeries and overly photoshopped images as truth, Jamil even made a whole Instagram account dedicated to body positivity:

She's honest about how she's grown and learned as a feminist and role model:

She made a petition to stop celebrities like the Kardashians, or "double agents of the patriarchy," from making money directly off of the insecurities and vulnerabilities of young women and girls:

Recently, she got even more honest on Instagram by discussing the elephant in the room that most people tend to ignore when they compare themselves to people in Hollywood: money. Many forget that with fame also comes a ton of money--sometimes more money than any of us need to survive and live a full life. While money can't truly buy happiness, money can buy every inch of fat sucked out of your body, wrinkle erasers, hair and lash extensions, personal trainers, private all-vegan, all-organic chefs, regular facials and massages...the list goes on.

The caption is A+:

“How does she look so young?” Asks the single mother of three, holding down 2 jobs, as she gazes at a magazine, looking at a famous actress her age. She looks so young because she does’t do SHIT compared to you and gets way more sleep. (And her magazine covers are photoshopped) GIVE yourselves a break.

Fans were obviously very there for her, and grateful she said something:

1. "jsaydinn" said:

some heroes dont wear capes

2."caflowerchild" said:

I need to look at ur page once a day to remind myself of this. I love u and u r one of the people truly revolutionizing how women view modern day beauty standards 😍

3. "sarrow13" said:

I love this! I’m a psychologist and see women struggling all the time because of this. It’s time to get real ❤️

4. "what.the.dietician.eats" said:

I absolutely love your message! Thank you for your honesty😊 It is so hard to try to battle that image for my patients as a registered dietitian. There are so many girls who think that they are supposed to look like celebrities. Keep on keeping it real, girl!

5. "emmangilbert" said:

SWERVE THE LIES ... New tattoo 🤷🏼‍♀️

6. "checkey4ny" said:

🗣🗣🗣 shout it from the rooftops! Our culture is built on this unrealistic, FALSE foundation. We need more posts like this and not only edited highlights of people’s best moments. And great point other commenters have made is even those with money still can’t have it all; many are depressed, addicted, alcoholic or drug dependent. Please, DO YOU, people!

7. "a_lundadetoledo" said:

This is amazing. Just finished a 12h work Monday and went home blaming myself for not having gone to the gym and ordering food again. Now you made me smile. You are touching so many souls in need...biggest thank you from Spain ❤️

8. "jordan.reuss" said:

You’re the actual best. So damn inspiring and real. I love your acting and your real talk 🙏🏻

Great job keeping it real, Jameela. Also, there's this:

View this post on Instagram

Yeah! Interview with @bustle out now. X

A post shared by Jameela Jamil (@jameelajamilofficial) on

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders is sh*tposting Mueller memes and people are pissed.

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While the public has yet to see the actual Mueller report, the Trump administration is declaring victory, rejoicing that their hand-selected Attorney General has decided to clear his boss of any crimes.

From her perch at the most respected address in America, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders is engaging with this new information in a respectful, persuasive manner LOL JK she's trolling us all.

This ripoff of a New York Post meme might seem like it came from a troll in your mentions, but it's actually a sh*tpost from an official government account.

The bracket features commentators who have publicly suspected Trump's guilt in the investigation, mostly because he got caught lying dozens of times and fired people who were investigating him.

While people with Pepe the Frog icons are undoubtedly laughing their MAGA hats off, everyone else is not impressed.

Sarah Sanders is loving the backlash, and retweeted the meme again today.

This March Madness is indeed madness.

NASA cancels first all-female space walk for the most bonkers reason. Women be roasting.

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The internet is currently letting out a collective exasperated sigh after finding out NASA canceled its first all-female spacewalk for a conceptually ridiculous reason. Originally, astronauts Anne McClain and Christina Koch were slated to make history during their spacewalk on Friday, but plans have changed due to a lack of astronaut suits in the right size.

While the notion of the first all-female spacewalk being canceled due to a wardrobe malfunction sounds like an over-the-top Onion headline, it is sadly all very real. Just last week McClain made her very first spacewalk wearing a large suit. However, after completing the walk, she noted how difficult it was to maneuver in the large suit and requested a medium suit for this week's spacewalk.

This is where the face palms begin, currently, NASA only has two medium sized spacesuits, and only one of them is ready for mission (the one that will be worn by Koch). So, instead of employing extra crew to prepare the second suit, NASA decided to swap out McClain for astronaut Nick Hague.

It should be noted that it's no simple task to prepare a suit for space, this is a process that requires all hands on deck and immense attention to detail. But still, the fact that this milestone is being waylaid due to a wardrobe shortage is deeply absurd and offensive.

While the jokes make themselves, this issue also shows that accommodating the needs of female astronauts still isn't a top priority for NASA.

Currently, 12 of NASA's 38 active astronauts are women, so it seems reasonable to invest money into suits that accommodate people of all sizes and genders. Also, despite this embarrassing botch, the numbers point towards the all-female spacewalk milestone being reached sooner than later.

17 people share the wittiest comebacks they're still proud of. Hint: it's about your mom.

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There are few things in this life better than executing the perfect comeback.

They say revenge is bittersweet but if someone insults you and you totally destroy them with wit, the revenge is pretty much all sweet. Most of the time the best comebacks are thought of in the shower the next day, or years later when you look back on the moment with red-faced rage. Those perfect thoughts that line up right on time in response to someone's nasty comment are few and far between. When they happen, they're glorious and must be celebrated forever.

That's why it's not surprising why when a recent Reddit user asked, "What was your wittiest comeback that you're still proud of?" the internet was ready to share their finest moments of sass, wit, and cleverly crafted world magic.

1. Amazing, "cocoamoko."

Working at a pizza shop, troublesome customer tries to stack coupons that clearly state "One coupon per purchase". After being refused by everyone in the restaurant including the owner, he goes on a tirade saying that the District Attorney is his cousin, and was threateneing a lawsuit (lol). As he was heading for the door, he said "You can't afford to mess with me!" I shouted after him, "You can't afford a large pizza!"

2. A+, "MonkeyAssholeLips."

I was working in retail and we had the really long line of people waiting to check out. I worked in a very upscale neighborhood (think: major league sports, well known attorneys, etc).

Some lady comes running from the back of the line and screams at me “I CANT WAIT IN THIS LINE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IMPORTANT I AM??!!”

I, tired of everyone’s shit that day, retorted: “if you were so damn important, you’d pay someone to stand in this line like the REALLY important customers.”

3. Oh my god, "gogozrx."

My mom was asking about my daughter and her boyfriend, " Are they going to get married? I'm just not ready to be a Great Grandmother."
"Well, you could try being a good one, first."

4. Owned, "bumpakay."

My older brother was trying to make fun of me in front of his friends for being really grossed out by sex and anything of that nature in my early teens.

He said check this out: “tits, big dick, ass, vagina” Trying to gross me

Seeing as he was a big chubby I said “the only thing you have on that list is tits”

Came out of nowhere.

5. Full win, "whatintheactualfeth."

I'm big guy, 6'6" 270ish lbs and this happened about 2 years ago. I was grocery shopping with my wife and went looking for something that was on the list, I don't remember what. I was heading up one of the aisles when I crossed paths with a shorter dude that was obviously on some type of upper. He was bouncing all over the place looking for something.

He noticed me as I passed him and he stops and says, "Wow, you're a big fella."

I reply, "Yes I am." I constantly get this remark.

As I'm continuing by him he states, "I could take you though."

I stopped and put a surprised look on my face and exclaimed, "Really?! All 12 inches?!"

His face went red, "Fuck you."

I smiled at him and said, "That's the spirit!"

He mumbled something and walked away. That was probably my best comeback ever.

6. Ha, "CunnedStunt."

Playing hockey growing up meant you always had to be on your toes when it came to chirping. I was maybe 17 at the time, and it was November, so everyone was trying to grow the dustiest moustaches they could. Mine was pretty gnarly, patchy and inconsistent.

I line up next to another forward on a face off and he looks at me and says "You should wipe those pubes off your face" in reference to my stache, which was a well deserved chirp no doubt. But yah boy here had been practising your mom jokes, as all teens do, so I hit em back with the "It's not my fault your mom doesn't shave her pussy".

7. Wow, "mattress76."

(Not me who delivered).

Friends out between bars, a bit tipsy, we stop to talk to a acquaintance (girl). My friend gets closer to her and sniffs. "You smell like men"

Without missing a beat, she replies:

"I'm lucky I didn't get close to you, or I'd smell like a pussy".

This happened more than 10 years ago and we still remember it from time to time.

8. Damn, "DemocraticRepublic."

Not me, but a friend of mine. As students, a group of townies were shouting abuse at us. My buddy shouted abuse back and one of them said "you're playing a dangerous game - do you know who my Dad is?"

My friend responded, "No - do you?"

9. Yikes, "dankplague."

Guy walks into my bar with brown robes on I ask “what’s with the robes, you just get out of a Renaissance faire?”

He replies”no I’m a Carmelite priest”

I exclaim”I’ll be damned”

He answers “i hope not”

He totally got me in front of whole bar

10. Ergh, "reverendjeffy."

When I was in high school, a girl that I had dated for a while and broke up with called me about three months afterward. I picked up the phone and said, "Hello?" and she immediately said, "I just want you to know that I'm having much better sex now."

I replied with, "... Well, tell your dad I said congratulations!" and hung up. I have never been that witty since.

11. So good, "It3mUs3r."

Father working on the roof. Wind blows the ladder over.

Him - Well It3mUs3r, I guess this means I'm counting on you now!

Me - Don't worry Dad: I won't let you down!

He nearly fell off the roof laughing so much.

12. Cheers, "madewithrealgingers."

Late to the game, but at Thanksgiving one year, my whole family was sitting around talking, and winning contests came up. One of my brothers looked at me and snarked, “oh yeah, Madewithrealgingers, what was the last thing you ever won?”

I looked around the room at all my blood relatives and answered “By the looks of it, the Genetic lottery.”

13. Cold, "tjmehta1595."

Friend: We need to measure out 12 inches. I know we’ll use my dick!

Me: You got 12 of them?

14. Solid burn, "AlienX14."

This wasn't a comeback, but a witty burn for sure. On the bus in high school, a girl (who frequently annoyed me with her loud story telling) was telling everyone about how she was getting hit on by one of the trash collectors while waiting for the bus. Typically I was the quiet kid who kept to myself, but this time I chimed in with "I think he was just trying to do his job..."

15. Classic, "YaqtanBadakshani."

One guy yelled at me 'Suck my dong!'

I replied 'I'd need a straw to do that.'

16. We don't need anymore bad music in this world, "erlydecision."

Graduated college 2 years ago and am currently working a rather boring desk job to save up money for grad school. My boss has a great doggo that I will periodically walk because I feel bad that it just sits next to me all day without going out much.

Anyways, I had some college friends come visit me (some of which I'm not huge fans of) and one girl said "Hey, how's your job picking up dog shit?". I think she must have seen my snapchats or something. I was a little caught off guard by this comment though. We were never super close in college or anything. Luckily, I knew that she still doesn't have a job and is working on her "music career"....

I responded with, "Good. Speaking of dog shit, how's your music career going?"

Still feel good about that one. Her music sucks.

17. This is adorable, "The_Sephiroth."

I had just turned 7 (the day before) and I was in the car with my mom and brother after school. My brother and mom were arguing over something and my mom said, “I wasn’t born yesterday!” to my brother. I replied saying, “I was!”

It was a good day

Meghan McCain's surprisingly good clapback instantly became a meme.

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Meghan McCain's job is to have temper tantrums on The View and yell "I'm John McCain's daughter!" when she gets called out for them. Because she is known for her viral meltdowns, McCain's shocked the internet with her now-viral clapback at a fellow conservative.

DC McAllister writes for The Federalist, a shadily funded conservative site founded by McCain's husband, Ben Domenech.

McCain simply and elegantly reminded her of the fact that they are acquainted, in a pithy line that instantly became a meme.

YOU! WERE! AT! MY! WEDDING! DENISE!

episode 1 slow clap GIF by One Chicago

Points for brevity, which is the soul of wit.

The simple turn of phrase is now a perfect comeback for all occasions.

Great moments in history and cinema would have been instantly improved with the line.

The ungrateful wedding guest, Denise herself, tried to backpedal, insisting that her swipe was directed at everybody BUT Meghan.

It's too late, Denise.

Give back that bottle of wine.

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