In the time since Gwyneth Paltrow made her very public pivot from actress to wellness aficionado, she's bestowed plenty of unsolicited health advice on an unsuspecting public. There's been super sad diet advice, gold-plated butts, and who could forget the ol' rock-in-the-hooha scandal?

And with Gwynnie's advice, there's often a giant price tag (that golden booty was $370, I'll have you know). So it's no surprise that her latest caper was to swindle the public into paying thousands of dollars to attend what basically amounted to a weekend-long advertisement for... well, herself.

Goop's London Health Summit "In Goop Health" took place in London last weekend, and it cost a mere $5,700 to attend, according to Page Six. It included seminars on why “creativity with your hands is like channeling God,” how to “hydrate mindfully," sound baths, and a Tracy Anderson workout.

You do almost have to admire the chutzpah.

Some attendees were shocked that the event didn't deliver on its price tag — because sweeties, it's a weekend of health panels, how could it?!

Page Six interviewed a few bummed-out Goopers and got the dirt. One attendee said:

“Gwyneth acts like she’s a health goddess, but actually she’s a pretentious, greedy extortionist. She had a ton of security . . . She was unapproachable. She did the minimum — a few fireside chats with Twiggy and Penelope Cruz, then she put on her Birkenstocks and snuck out . . . I was a huge fan of Gwyneth; now I feel like I have lost my faith in God.”

Page Six claims one prominent British celeb guest WhatsApped all her friends, "GP is a f**king extortionist.”

And another said:

“Gwyneth acts like she’s a health goddess, but actually she’s a pretentious, greedy extortionist. She had a ton of security . . . She was unapproachable. She did the minimum — a few fireside chats with Twiggy and Penelope Cruz, then she put on her Birkenstocks and snuck out . . . I was a huge fan of Gwyneth; now I feel like I have lost my faith in God.”

Damn, I wish my job's bare minimum was a fireside chat with Twiggy and Penelope Cruz!

Still, not everyone was peeved. The Goop Instagram enjoyed plenty of positive comments under its Goop-summit-related posts. With bland sentiments like these, it's easy to imagine fans going wild:

Well, some fans.

Fellow influencers especially raved online about what a goopalicious experience it was.

A rep for Goop told Page Six that most of the attendees gave positive feedback, and furthermore, the event's true value was in excess of $8,000 thanks to all the freebies. And all we have to say is, that's a lot of jade vibrators.

Unless you're one of those insane people who actually like getting up in the morning, this time of day is rough. These utterly random memes are funny, silly, and will help you start your day off right. Get ready to laugh.

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The According to a New York Times article, a family court judge has continually showed leniency to a 16-year-old boy who raped a 16-year-old girl because he is "from a good family," who "put him into an excellent school where he is doing extremely well." The judge also said that it should have been explained to the victim that pressing charges would ruin the boy's life.

The assault happened at a pajama party in New Jersey, where the victim was heavily intoxicated. The boy filmed himself penetrating her from behind, and sent out the video he took as a text with the words, "When your first time having sex was rape." In the video, the girl's head is seen hanging down, and her torso exposed.

But Judge James Troiano said that this wasn't rape, claiming rape is something that is reserved for cases where the victim is held at gunpoint. This, he claims, is sexual assault, and should be treated differently.

So when the prosecutor put in a motion to try the boy as an adult, Jude Troiano denied it, saying “He is clearly a candidate for not just college but probably for a good college."

Prosecutors detailed the rape, saying before the assault a group of boys sprayed Febreze on her backside and slapped it so hard that she had hand prints on it the next day. Following the assault, her friends found her vomiting on the floor, and she was driven home by a friend's mother.

The victim, who has asked to remain unnamed, woke up confused by her torn clothes and bruising, but told her mother that she feared sexual things had happened to her.

In addition to claiming there is a distinction between rape and sexual assault, Judge Troiano has claimed that the video and text message that this teen boy sent his friends -- where he himself calls what he did 'rape' -- is “just a 16-year-old kid saying stupid crap to his friends.”

Judeg Troiano has been rebuked by an appeals court with a 14-page ruling that calls out the judge for showing bias towards privileged teenagers. Sounds about right.

Sadly, if you're a woman in the world there's a 100 percent chance that at some point you've had a creepy guy ask for your number on the street, in the train, or literally anywhere he can find you.

In a perfect world, women would be able to say "no thanks" and continue on with their day. But since creepy soliciting men are the same ones who statistically escalate situations into violence, women are often forced to find creative ways to escape the situation.

Giving out a fake phone number is one of the tried and true tactics for getting rid of a harasser, however, a lot of men have now caught on and will try calling you on the spot to make sure the information is correct (which is a truly horrifying power move).

Blocking a harasser on your real phone number is another option, but it still means they have your actual digits and can search out other information about you. This begs the question, barring some Bruce Lee level Kung Fu moves and a swift dash away from the scene, what exactly can a woman do to get rid of a harasser?

Well, in a recent Tumblr post user darre-to-dream shared her tip for tricking a man into thinking he has your information, and it quickly went viral for just how smart it is.

In the post she lays out how you can pick a random number and set up a Google Voice account to give the men in question.

Since it's still your account, you can leave a voicemail with your voice and pick a fake name. There's no way for them to know it's an alias.

The post reads:

"Every girl has ahd the experience where a creepy guy asks for our number and we don't want to give it to him, but we also don't want to get gutted in a back alley. "Give him a fake number!" I hear you call, okay and then he says "okay let me call you real quick!" Because they are learning. "Give them your number and then block them!" Okay and then they can plug it into something like Spokeo, pay $10 and know everything about you. So what do you do?"

"First pick a fake name, I use Jessica, then download the Google Voice app, hook it up to your email, pick a number, and set up a fake greeting with your fake name. You can set it up to ring your actual phone like a normal text or call and they don't have real info on you. Go forth and don't get murdered ladies!"

The post went massively viral for how useful the advice is, and at the time of writing has over 85,000 notes. Hopefully, this helps protect more women from the discomfort and risks of navigating creepy men in public, and it also helps non-creepy men become more aware of what we deal with regularly.

Human intimacy is fun but sometimes people taking off their clothes and mashing their bodies together can result in some painfully awkward moments. Someone recently asked Twitter to describe their most awkward encounters while getting it on. Twitter did not disappoint.

Here are 28 brutally awkward moments that will make you consider celibacy. For life.

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Just a heads up:

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SEE YOU AT THE NUNNERY, Y'ALL.

The Fourth of July is upon us, and while it's important to remember to eat as many hamburgers & hot dogs and drink as many beers as one wants, it's also -- if not more so -- important to remember to be careful. This particular holiday involves fireworks, and while those can be fun and exciting, they can also be dangerous. Especially when alcohol is involved. And let's be real, alcohol is always involved.

Don't believe me? Check out these stories that people shared on reddit after user Star052 asked, "Nurses, doctors, or first responders: what's the worst 4th of July incident you've dealt with."

1. Omg no, indianamedic

I had a nine year old lose an eye a few years ago. An older kid shot a bottle rocket at him and the bottle rocket hit him in the right eye. The globe ruptured from the explosion. I had to pack his eye socket with gauze in attempt to kept the rest of the globe together but it was pretty obvious the eye was a total loss. The older kid was prosecuted for the incident.

2. Don't drink and firework, Nysoz

Helped with this one as an intern a while ago. Some drunk guy was holding a mortar tube and firing it off. Ended up turning towards him so he put his hand over the tube to hopefully stop it coming out?

Ended up blowing up the majority of his hand and burned a hole in his abdomen.

Hand we took back for multiple surgeries including one to basically sew his hand to his groin to heal for a while.

Abdomen was super lucky and just burned a hole through the skin, muscles and such. Didn’t involve any intestines at all.

3. Well shit, mermaiddreams

Two years ago, patient came in with only thumb and pointer finger remaining on right hand. Of course, there was alcohol involved. I’m sure not the most horrific, but it was definitely a show stopper.

Actual words being slurred from patient: staring down at the mess“Well shit.....” deep sigh“This is gonna hurt in the morning!”

4. WTF, Luftwaffe_Panda

Responded to a call in a Walmart. Some kid lit a firework into their display of fireworks, and started an industrial fire. took 6 hours to put out. Kid got juvie time.

5. Don't fart and firework, 15jackets

I had a patient who thought it would be funny to light their farts with a lighter when they were drunk. Their perineal area was scorched. Please drink responsibly and be careful with flammable objects

6. Ahhh, casbri13

So, large group of 18, 19, and 20 somethings. Lots of alcohol. Lots of fireworks. A coffee can.

These guys have all pitched in and bought a metric shit ton of fireworks. The night is winding down, and the fireworks pile is running low, and one of the dudes finds a metal coffee can. So, they get the bright idea, (by bright I mean drunken) to stuff the coffee can with fireworks. There’s a little bit of everything in there. They make a makeshift “fuse” into the can and light it off.

You see, they gave some space between themselves and the can, but they did not give enough space.

When the fireworks ignite, basically the metal can is obliterated and turned into nice little pieces of shrapnel. Also, some of the fireworks went towards them instead of up into the sky. They start running for their lives. One of the guys ended up with shrapnel in his back.

Honestly, they were all lucky no one was seriously injured between flying metal shards and fireworks zooming by.

But, it sobered them up pretty quickly.

7. Face palm emoji, HankswifeHill

I once saw drunk guys light fireworks off next to a group of people where there was a fucking baby. The box tipped over and started firing AT THE BABY. So grabbed said baby and took off covering its ears and face and then screamed at these two jack offs who then had serious burns trying to pick the box back up.

Not even my baby.

8. Pants on fire, Lsilva143

Not a doctor or a first responder but someone lit off fireworks close to my mother on 4th of July and I guess she though she was on fire, so she Took her pants off and attempting the rest of her clothes until my brother stopped her and reassured her she was NOT on fire.

9. Yikes, Greyff

Work in a hospital. We have a burn unit. Every year there's a bunch of fireworks and grill and kitchen fire accidents coming in with something that could have been prevented/avoided if the people involved had just taken a few moments to realize what could go wrong with this idea. A recurrent one is someone setting off a small firework in their hand. Hand open, little damage. Closed hand around the firework? Yeah, anywhere from a few fingers to the majority of the hand now gone.

10. People are dumb, Cipher1414

I mean a drunk man in a gorilla costume on a jet ski crashed into the lake dock one time and I had to kick him off the beach, and another time I had to break up a few Kiwis fighting over volleyball, but somehow I don’t have any crazy devastating incidents I ever had to deal with on the 4th of July. Just stopping people from doing dumb things.

11. I can't, carmelacorleone

Last year someone thought it was a good idea to set off fireworks on a sailboat five miles off shore. Needless to say, the boat caught on fire, like a lot of fire, and there was no life boat, and only three life jackets which works out pretty well (/s) when there are thirteen people on board. And they were all drinking or drunk. They lived but that was an interesting one.

12. Beware, banana-damage

I was five years old and it was the fourth of July. I slipped on the edge of the bath and fractured my wrist. I have never broken a bone or damaged a bone since then. I remember being in terrible pain after the fall and my parents took me to the hospital. The worst pain was seeing all the people being rushed into the ER because of freak accidents because of the 4th of July. It scarred me as a child seeing people on the brink of death because a firework blew up in their face.

13. For the win, ReeeeeWeaver

A firework up someone's ass

You don't have to be high to think this list is funny. Anyone who loves dumb humor will get a kick out of these hilarious confessions from people who just got way too high.

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Fourth of July comes at a weird time this year. Yes, the Fourth of July is always on July 4th, with the federal government confirming that the federal government keeps immigrants in inhumane conditions

Some people are already feeling uneasy about the festival of flag-waving while children are in cages behind armed guards.

Life is rough, but you still deserve a break. Although not everybody is free this Independence Day, you're still entitled to some good times. You're only human after all.

Even if you feel a bit of guilt wrapped in anxiety wrapped in anger at America's current government, there are still ways to have fun this holiday without turning into a

1. Drink.

Get drunk. Drink responsibility, but get drunk. Alcohol is a special sauce that will help you forget about the magnitude of human suffering in this country and on the planet for at least an hour.

Existential angst pairs perfectly with rosé. Just ask the women of Big Little Lies.

2. Make a donation.

Offset your guilt by doing something that directly helps the people in need, Donate to RAICES (The Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services). Give money to help reunite families. Contribute to a presidential candidate who respects human rights and sees immigrants as people, too!

3. Plan to attend a protest.

A coalition of groups including chapters of the ACLU and Women's March are hosting an event next Friday called Lights for Liberty: A Vigil to End Human Concentration Camps. The vigil "will bring thousands of people to locations worldwide as well as to concentration camps across country, into the streets and into their own front yards, to protest the inhumane conditions faced by migrants." There are local events planned everywhere from Alaska to France.

4. Drink some more.

Don't drink and drive, but drink. Wine is good for the cardiovascular system or whatever.

5. Avoid Trump's tank parade.

While North Korea didn't make any concessions during Kim Jong Un's summit with Trump, it looks like the president did get something out of the meeting: ideas!!!

Trump is hosting a big military parade in Washington, D.C., complete with tanks in the streets, and taxpayer funds corruptly being used to favor Republican donors!

The Washington Post reports that the National Park Service is diverting $2.5 million that otherwise would be spent on upkeep for natural wonders to help the president feel big and strong. CNN reports that military chiefs are pissed about being politicized like this. Reporter Maggie Haberman says that administration officials are worried that the crowds might not show up, making the event an "inauguration redux," so let's prove him right!

Not watching the event on TV may seem like a small act of #Resistance, but it would be a big deal for the small president.

There's no limit to what men on the internet will try to explain to women. Never forget the time a guy tried to mansplain science to a female astrophysicist. Or the time a man tried to explain to women the difference between a vagina and a vulva. So it should come as no surprise that a guy recently tried to mansplain The Handmaid's Tale to a woman on Twitter. And that woman was Margaret Atwood, the author of the Handmaid's Tale.

The saga began when Atwood tweeted a Guardian article about Alabama's severely restrictive abortion laws, comparing the situation to The Handmaid's Tale, a book (which she wrote) about reproductive slavery.

"The Handmaid’s Tale comes to life in Alabama. Women must heed the warning | Zoe Williams" she wrote.

That's when a guy decided that Atwood had mischaracterized the show The Handmaid's Tale, which is based on the book she herself wrote. He tweeted:

"I think you and I were watching different shows..." he wrote.

Luckily, one of the internet's very best tweeters, @ohnoshetwitnt, spotted the faux pas and immediately stepped in to shut him down.

"She literally wrote the book, Chad" she wrote, immediately reducing him to dust.

Since the clap-back went viral, Chad has changed his Twitter name to "Australian Beauty." But the internet never forgets. And in the replies we can see that at one point this dude's bio revealed that his name is, in fact, Chad. People are pointing out that this is the "perfect mansplaining name."

@Ohnoshetwitnt is noting the clear similarities of this situation to the time a guy tried to explain vulvas to women.

What a historic moment in internet history that was.

Some can't believe this new guy is for real but alas, it seems like he is real and his account is not satire.

Chad's idiot moment is the gift that keeps on giving, as the dragging gloriously continues.

Margaret Atwood has yet to respond but she doesn't have to. She did her part. She wrote the damn book. And besides, Chad is proverbially dead already at the hands of Twitter, replaced with a profile pic of a possum, a fake Twitter name and a lifetime of shame. Luckily, the internet never forgets, Chad.

Navigating sibling relationships into adulthood is complicated enough on its own. But it's a completely different animal when they date or marry someone you don't get along with.

On one hand, who your sibling loves is their choice and if you're close and value each other you should be able to get past differences with their partner. But in some cases, they choose someone so toxic it's not worth the effort, and your in-law's behavior clouds and mutates the good things about your sibling.

In a recent post on the Am I The Asshole subreddit, a man shared how one of his brother-in-law's recent homophobic jokes was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"AITA for cutting my sister and future nephew out of my life over a "joke" her husband made?"

"My sister and I are twins (28f and 28m). We used to be inseparable and best friends but everything changed when she met her husband (36m) about 5 years ago. I had met my partner (a dude) shortly before that, and she liked him a lot, but when she met her husband and he turned out to be a homophobe, she took his side and our relationship went downhill."

OP shared that his twin sister and him have been deeply close throughout their lives, but his brother-in-law of five years has tarnished the relationship with his bigoted "humor" and overall disrespect towards OP.

OP's boyfriend also doesn't like the brother-in-law and they try to avoid him at all costs. Still, the brother-in-law manages to find ways to twist the knife when few people are looking, through derisive comments and gross jokes.

"My boyfriend knows my BIL is a dick and we both try to avoid him as much as possible, but sometimes we just end up at the same family gatherings, and my BIL can't resist talking to us. The way he does that is he provokes us, gives us backhanded compliments or just straight up insults us, our relationship, our jobs, where we live, what sort of places we go to etc. This usually happens at least somewhat privately, when only my sister or our parents can hear it."

The brother-in-law's toxic behavior reached a peak at a cousin's recent graduation, when he made a graphic homophobic joke involving OP's boyfriend in front of the whole room.

"Last weekend, a cousin was celebrating graduation and about 25 people were there. A relatively large group of people (probably 20 of us) started talking about summer vacation and what everyone will do or where they'll travel so my boyfriend said we were going somewhere and mentioned we would be staying at a hostel. Then, my BIL said Hostel? Is that like a hotel but with bunk beds? Hey, which one of you guys will take the top bed and which one the bottom? I bet you like the bottom, OP's boyfriend. You walk like you do, ha ha ha."

All of the onlookers immediately went quiet, and while it's not the first time OP and his boyfriend have been on the receiving end of the brother-in-law's gross sensibilities, it was the last time.

OP rightfully laid into the brother-in-law for his years of behavior and went home and deleted and blocked him and the sister from everything. Then, OP proceeded to call his mom to let request they never get invited to another gathering with the sister and brother-in-law again.

"Everyone just went quiet and looked at my boyfriend and me. Honestly, this isn't the worst thing our BIL has ever said to us, but this time it happened in front of everyone in our family and it was the last straw for me. I told him I was sick of his r*tarded jokes and that we'll be leaving. When we got home, I deleted and blocked him and my sister on everything, their numbers, Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram, everything. I called my mom to tell her not to bother inviting us over whenever my sister and BIL are invited because we don't ever want to see them again."

While OP's parents understand how homophobic the brother-in-law can be, they think it's an overreaction, especially since the twin sister is pregnant.

OP, on the other hand, truly feels at the end of his rope and would rather risk not seeing his nephew than continue to navigate spaces with his bigoted brother-in-law.

"My parents think I'm overreacting and behaving unreasonably. They realize our frustration and anger and they agree that BIL is an idiot, but they think I should cut my sister some slack. She's pregnant and my parents are afraid they won't let us see our nephew once he's born, and I said I can't bring myself to care. We've been tolerating this shit behavior for 5 years, and if I have to choose between living a life without shitheads like my BIL or seeing my nephew, I choose the former."

Sadly, over the years the twin sister has made it clear that the brother-in-law can do no harm, and it's unlikely the rose-colored glasses will be removed any time soon.

"Edit: Since it's come up in multiple comments - in my sister's eyes, my BIL is the greatest guy ever. He's romantic, he's caring and protective of her and the baby, he brings her flowers, he cooks, he cleans, he's involved in the pregnancy, her single and divorced friends are envious of their amazing relationship, they never had a serious fight, their lives are like a fairy tale. So I highly doubt they'll ever divorce, that she'll ever realize anything or ask for my forgiveness."

"Second edit to address "did you ever talk to your sister about it?": We talked about it many times in the first couple of years that they were together. She would just defend him, saying it's how he was brought up and not to take it personally. Since they got engaged, I stopped trying. She's obviously committed to him the way he is and that's the end of it."

While OP feels pretty set in his decision, he brought the situation to the internet in hopes of getting outside perspective on the dynamic.

-impermanence said OP is completely right to cut off the sister and brother-in-law for their homophobia.

"NTA. I have a gay brother who I am incredibly close with. If my significant other was making comments like this he would no longer be my SO. He sounds like one of those people who makes fun of homosexuality cause he's secretly curious about it."

loopylandtied thinks OP's sister is an asshole and deserves to be cut off for defending a homophobe.

"Your sister is an asshole for continuing the relationship at that point. To marry a homophobe you have to either be homophobic or okay with homophobia."

"She'd be an asshole in my eyes even if she had no LGBT family, the fact she does just makes it worse"

queenoreo thinks OP is 1000 percent correct.

"NTA. You sister never should have let this stuff go after the first time he made a “joke”.

diamondcinda pointed out the fact that OP has already given the twin sister and brother-in-law FIVE years to change or apologize.

"NTA- I applaud you for putting up with it for FIVE YEARS before finally snapping. Your sister is a POS for allowing him to speak to you like that and taking his side and having a kid with a bigoted asshole. Hopefully the kid grows up to have more sense then his parents."

anananya added to the chorus of people supporting OP, and agrees that it's really horrible of the twin sister to sit and watch all of this.

"NTA It's not about one joke but about the years of open disrespect. Your sister's husband is definitely TA, but also consider this: your sister is also TA for not asking her husband to show you the respect you and your partner deserve. She may not be a vocal homophobe but her silence on the matter speaks volumes."

There are few jobs that give you an inside look into people's lives quite like a taxi or Uber driver. Day after day you witness the places people go, the ways they conduct themselves under the influence, and how they treat you - a stranger they usually expect to never see again.

While most taxi rides are relatively uneventful interludes of phone scrolling and radio bops, anyone who has driven professionally has a few wild rides tucked up their sleeve.

In a recent Reddit thread, taxi and Uber drivers shared some of the wildest stories on the job, and they range from criminal to heartwarming.

1. ___Turd_Ferguson___ used their rider's words to give them a lesson.

"I picked up 4 guys wearing neon green tutus. The guy in the front seat looks at me while I’m driving and says, “Don’t do drugs.” Then proceeds to snort cocaine from some sort of vial. I smiled and said, “please don’t do drugs in my car.”"

2. EitherChipmunk's life was changed by their passengers.

"I was unemployed at the time. Quit a job due to an abusive/toxic work environment. Had recently graduated a coding boot camp but wasn’t having any luck landing new opportunities. Bills were piling up, and honestly I was losing hope. I’m about to call it a night, driving drunks around gets tiring when I decide ehh what’s one more? Turns out these three older women wanted to do some gambling in the next state over and had trouble finding a ride."

"I said yes, figured I’d just call it a night after. We get talking, turns out one of them is an IT consultant. They decide to pay me basically $100 an hour to hang out til they are done and drive them all home. We ended up connecting, she revised my resume and put me in touch with some references of hers. I ended up making a good buck off the fares alone, and also ended up completely turning my life around by landing a dream job with a little bit of help. I wrote her a sincere thank you once I accepted the new offer and she replied with “Help others because you can.” Not a day goes by where I don’t think about how lucky I am."

3. Superschutte literally followed a car.

"I used to drive Uber at fort Myers beach. I picked up 4 drunk as a skunk middle aged people and crammed them into my tiny car. I was about to pull into their neighborhood (nice, gated, on the water) and the one guy was like, “I need you to follow that car!” And I’m like “whatever, let’s see how this plays out”.

"So we start following this random SUV and I’m like “who is this guy?” And they’re like “we don’t know, but we have 20 minutes of babysitter left and we aren’t wasting it”. I reminded them they were on triple rate surcharge and they literally didn’t care."

"Eventually the car pulled over and everyone shouts at me “GO GO GO!!” And we sped off into the night. $100 ride, $20 tip, 5 star review. 100% worth it. Entertaining drunk, otherwise responsible people is a blast."

4. meatfrappe's friend helped track down a missing person.

"Friend of mine visiting NYC took a taxi back to his hotel late night. Riding in the back he found a small women's clutch purse thing. Inside was the ID of a ~19 year old girl, and the business card of a police officer in a town neighboring state. The police officer had the same last name as the girl, so my friend figured the officer was the girl's father and she carried the card in case she ever needed to get herself out of a traffic ticket or something. My friend figures he can leave a voicemail on the officer's business number when he gets back to the hotel, then leave the purse at the hotel front desk for the girl to come pick up, so that is exactly what he does as soon as he gets up to the hotel room."

"About three hours later--now 3 or 4 AM--he is in a deep sleep when loud knocks on his hotel room door wake him up. It's a bunch of NYPD detectives who want to know all the details of how he found the purse, like where he originally hailed the cab, etc."

"Turns out the girl was indeed the daughter of the cop on the business card, and she had been missing for a few days. The discovery of her clutch purse was the first sign of her that had popped up."

"My friend had paid for the cab via credit card and had kept the receipt, so he was able to pass that along to the detectives who, presumably, were able to use that to track down the cab driver and find out any information he could provide.

Ultimately my friend doesn't know what happened, the cops never contacted him again."

5. rawsynergy drove a guy who owed a sex worker money.

"I picked up a guy who either refused to pay a hooker from the night before or didn't know she was a lady of the night. She proceeded to follow us. Finally he gets a call from someone, seemed like it scared him because he told me to bring him back to his place. She followed us back there, I promptly left. Probably should have kicked him out sooner."

6. UniverseBear got a job out of a ride.

"My most memorable would be: I picked up a girl coming home from work. We started talking about my education and what I did before Uber and it just turned out that her company was looking for my skills. She gave me her card, I shot her my resume and 2 years later I'm still working for that company and have been promoted to a Jr executive lvl. I've never had to drive am Uber since."

7. twotimetony received a tip via magic trick.

"Drove for uber for a bit. Once picked up this guy who ended up being a magician. It’s 2am and had to drive him into manhattan to his apartment. It was weird cause nobody was around. The city was dead quiet for some reason. He sat in the front seat and told me stories the whole ride there. Once there he told me to get out and did a magic trick for me. He made 4 100 dollar bills turn into 4 dollar bills and gave me it for a tip."

8. sherlockhomeboy88 avoided being a getaway car.

"I drove a taxi in a suburb of Boston for awhile in the 80s. One day, a kid in his 20s with a baseball bat hailed me and asked me to take him to a pharmacy nearby. It was the middle of the day, so I assumed he was coming from softball practice."

"He told me to wait, then he went into the pharmacy, and left the bat in the car. A minute or two later, he came running out of the pharmacy, with the pharmacist right behind him. Was this guy nuts? What kind of criminal uses a cab as a getaway car? I casually reached back and locked the door just as he reached the cab."

"He fumbled with the handle, realizing that he left his only defensive weapon inside, and then ran off. I let the pharmacist into the cab, and then the two of us made a slow pursuit of the guy, while reporting his location over the radio (no cell phones). Eventually, he was so exhausted that I got out of the cab and held him until the police arrived. I had to testify in court and identify him. Not the sharpest tool in the shed."

9. Mokumer drove a loaded car.

"Back in the 70's as a student I drove a taxi in the weekends and some evenings/nights to earn some extra money. One time, late at night I got a call to pick a guy up at his home, at arrival the guy hops in the back with a sports bag with few rifles sticking out, I could see that in my rear view mirror."

"He wanted me to drive out of town to some B-road and in the middle of nowhere he told me to stop the car on a small road in an area with a lot of trees, hopped out of the car with his bag, came back few minutes later without the bag and told me to head back to his place and drop him off. He gave me a huge tip and this is the first time I ever mentioned this happened."

10. banana-damage's mom delivered Uber Eats to a train conductor mid ride.

"Not me, but my mom. She was delivering uber eats last winter to some guy a little out of town. The location was a bit odd, but she went with it. Just outside our city on one of the side roads by some train tracks she parked her car and looked around for any houses. None."

"There was a train stopped nearby and suddenly my mom noticed a guy waddling through the deep snow towards her. "Are you (random name, calling him Bob) Bob?" He nodded, took the food, and waddled towards the train. Suddenly it starts up, and continues down the tracks. This guy deadass ordered uber eats while conducting a train!"

11. sqkypants's picked up a dad in bad shape.

"Picked a guy up from a strip club around 5pm. He had clearly been there for a while and was talkative drunk. He started talking to a friend on his phone and kept saying he couldn't go into detail because he had a lady driver. He told me he was going home and then taking his daughter out to a basketball game because there was a after game concert she was very excited about."

"Little did he know (or I know because I was just following the gps) that he had been routed to her high school. Dudes in a rumpled suit, smells like strip club, and is clearly not sober. He got a resolved look, handed me a few singles, said thanks for the ride boo, and just hitched up his pants like a man embracing his shitty situation."

12. Uvegotfail got to taste test a new vodka.

"I drove for Uber and Lyft for a short time. There was one situation I will never forget. I was driving downtown DSM and picked up a gentleman who was just getting out of the ICubs game. He was loaded down with Cubs gear (he told me about 400 dollars worth) and was absolutely trashed from drinking all day at the game."

"The first thing he says when he gets in is, "I know my destination is X, but I need to go to my hotel first to put all this stuff away." I say, "no problem" and he lets me know how appreciative he is and he will "make it worth my time." I honestly didn't mind waiting because the ride was still active so i was still making money. He gets back in the car and we start heading toward his original destination (about 30 minutes away)."

"We get to talking and apparently he is a beverage distributor for a company in CA. He is doing some sales in the area and asks me if I like to drink. I told him I do on occasion, to which he replies, "do you like vodka?" and passes a FULL BOTTLE OF VODKA to me in the drivers seat (it was sealed thank god). He told me it was a new kind of vodka that he was trying to get on the shelves of some local bars because this vodka was originally created by some ISU students. When we arrived at the destination, he thanked me again for going out of my way to drop him off and let me keep the bottle as a tip. Definitely one to remember."

13. Crazylegs704 drove around a rejected Tinder match.

"I matched with a girl on Tinder by accident, and she messaged me saying she liked PBR, which is in one of my pictures. Being awkward and not wanting to waste her time, I just unmatched without saying anything. Around this time I was near the beginning of my brief tenure as an Uber driver, and who the fuck do you think I pick up the very next day."

"I immediately try to slouch hoping she doesn't recognize me, and after 5 minutes of silence, right when I think I'm in the clear, she says "Hey did we match on Tinder?" To which I reply "I don't think so." Then she says "Yeah, I messaged you about PBR and then you unmatched me." And I just let out a feeble kind of "Oh, yeah." Then I look down at my GPS, and there's 25 minutes left in this ride. I did not get a tip"

14. tehdoughboy drove to an NFL player's house.

"Picked up two guys from a hotel. Destination is in the Hollywood hills. When we're navigating up the winding roads of the hills, one of the guys mentions that he "hates going to [famous football player]'s house" because he always gets a little carsick. He tells me he knows this player because he plays for the famous player's Alma mater and is in town to work out for the NFL draft that year."

"This house is at the top of a hill with a beautiful view. When we get there, the drafted asks me to wait for a couple minutes and he enters the house. After a while, he gets back in the car and tells me I'm gonna follow three other cars to Six Flags. First car is a big, black Suburban followed by two luxury German sedans and here I am with my economy car with an Uber sticker on it."

15. reezwon picked up some horny mallrats.

"The last uber rider I ever picked up was a teenage kid (maybe 16ish) and what I would assume was his girlfriend. They got in the backseat and after a few minutes started to hear some unsettling sounds. Look back and she is straight up blowing him in my back seat. It was like 3 in the afternoon and I picked them up from the mall. Who does that?"

16. illusion_control read from the book of positivity.

"Not a driver.. but was recently a passenger in an uber. It was a Monday morning, so of course I was a little down and not in the mood to talk too much. The driver starts going on about how beautiful the weather is and starts explaining a good day starts with being positive.. She then ask if i would like to see her book.. i was a little confused, but i said sure. She starts explaining that she carries this scrap book with index cards and markers for all of her riders. She said she usually ask them to write some sort of positive message or just tells them they can simply write whatever they want."

"This book was filled with notes from people where we live, outside of the area, and even from people travelling from outside of the country. Some writing uplifting messages, some writing random funny lines, some drunks scribbling support for our sports teams, just so many different messages from so many random people on different walks in life."

"Before i got out, i told her how the messages completely turned my monday around for the better and i really appreciate what she does. She simply said, if she can bring a smile to someones face.. her day is made."

"I now always hope that i have the same driver whenever i request an uber so I get a chance to continue reading the book of positivity."

17. AimlessPeacock picked up kids with homicidal plans.

"I used to Uber/Lyft in Vermont. Picked up four 20-something year old kids from New York who were visiting Burlington. I drove them back to their Air B&B in Stowe, a little less than an hour away. We are having a great time, doing sing alongs to David Bowie. I get to Stowe and the GPS is leading me off the main road, then I turn again onto a dirt road and then another dirt road. It's like 11pm and I don't see a single light from a house, a car, or a street light anywhere. I jokingly say, "Man, where are you guys taking me?"

"One guy replies, "This is where we are going to kill you." Mind you, I have a twisted sense of humor and have actually used this as a joke when I first met the woman who is now my wife, but I immediately followed it up with joking and laughter. I share this with my passengers, and another one replies, "Well, we really are just going to skin you alive." At this point, I ask them to please stop messing with me and that the joke is lost at this point. I kid you not, someone replies "Don't worry, we'll make sure we put olive oil all over your skin so it doesn't dry out."

"Finally we get to the location and they invite me in for a beer. I decline. In fact, I declined to pull in the driveway. As they were getting out of the car, someone dropped their Juul in the car and needed help finding that. No chance in hell I was going to help them find it, as I wanted to be ready to bolt at a moment's notice and I wasn't going to put myself in any vulnerable situations."

"I went home after that one. I'm a pretty big guy, so it takes a lot for me to feel unsafe, but this was one time where I was absolutely terrified being an Uber driver."

18. nathangouge has a few stories up his sleeve.

"I have several...

The first that comes to mind was the 78 y/o lady that insisted that I needed to know about the hookup she was going home from. She went into descriptive detail about her sexual life. When she realised that I wasn't into that conversation, she decided that talking about Trump was the next best thing."

"The other was a guy that I picked up at about 5 PM on a Wednesday. This dude was probably the most drunk person I have ever met. He kept calling me "smart guy" and asking me if I spoke French and German. When I told him no, he insisted that I did and called me a liar. I had to ask him if he wanted to take the tollway and he said it was up to me since I was the "smart guy."

"I ended up taking the tollway, and he yelled at me asking why I went that way. I ended up basically giving him two options: Get out of the car on the tollway or shut the fuck up. When I dropped him off, it took him 10 minutes to get out of the car. His house was right before a cul-de-sac so when I came back around he was standing in the road so I couldn't pass. Dude was a psycho."

19. Acc87 knows occasionally gut instincts are wrong.

"Probably not what you wanted to read, but I've read a book of a taxi driver full of stories like this.

One was a couple directing the driver deeper and deeper into the woods, then down a side road close to the autobahn (at which point he initiated his silent alarm). There the couple found what they were looking for: A small cross with burned out candles around. It was where they had lost their infant daughter in a car crash (on the autobahn next to it). Driver reverted his alarm while they put up new candles"

20. ClownfishAreAssholes got a firsthand look at swinger fashion.

"I was driving on Halloween in a relatively small coastal City and had to pick up a couple from a local hotel. The women was dressed in a long button down jacket that was tightly closed, fishnet pantyhose, and stilettos. Dude was dressed in sweatpants and was also in a buttoned up long coat but I could see something black and shiny around both of his wrists and at his collar. It was around 76 degrees out so I knew they werent dressed for the weather. I thought, "okay, maybe just a weird Halloween couples costume, its fine."

"I picked them up and made small talk as I drove them to an industrial complex in a small community just outside of the city. They were traveling here from Florida and just meeting up with some friends for a Halloween party - only thing super weird about them so far was their clothing choices."

"We pull up to the drop off location and it's a small strip mall with drs offices and small businesses but at the end, there's a door with a bright red heart symbol with a devil's tail. I then noticed the other people getting out of cars and walking up."

"Most of the women were dressed as slutty nuns, teachers, librarians, pretty much every fetish you can name. Some of the men were in leather assless chaps, a gimp suit, and one dude was already stripping buck naked in the parking lot."

"The couple grinned at me, tossed me a $20 tip, and pretty much ran in the building. 99% certain dude was wearing a leather body suit and woman wasn't wearing much of anything. That was my first time delivering people to the local swingers club. Now, I pretty much have their schedule memorized and try to be on the other side of town when the events end."

“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.”

– Maya Angelou

I wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't laugh at these utterly random memes. If these bad boys don't make you smile, you seriously may want to go get your funny bone examined.

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Death. Disease. Diarrhea. There are dozens of issues in the world, but don't lose sight on the most crucial one tearing families apart. No, it's not the fact that families are being torn apart—it's children being exposed to gay penguins.

The London Zoo celebrated Prime Month with a sign celebrating a couple of penguins, Ronnie and Reggie, who have been in a relationship since 2014.

Right-wing commentator Caroline Farrow saw the acknowledgement of gay penguins as "pushing values" on children and "politicizing nature."

It's one thing to believe that penguins are agents of the gay agenda. It's another to think that homosexuality is analogous to religion. Dozens of species have gay animals because of biology, yet not a single sparrow has ever read the bible.

Farrow got burned, but didn't back down.

She sees herself as the victim of discrimination for ranting about homosexuality.

If this freak-out sounds familiar, it's because this was the plot of an episode of Parks and Recreation.

Leslie Knope and the Parks Department hosted a wedding for two male penguins. The people of Pawnee were not so keen on gay marriance, between humans or between animals, and Leslie was left to deal with the backlash.

This was before 2015, when marriage equality became the law of the land.

Bless Leslie, who drove the penguins to Iowa herself so knew the birds would be happy and free.

Some penguins are gay. Let's hope that some penguins aren't bigots, too.

Obviously baby tattoos are a big, fat no. But is it wrong for parents to pierce their babies' ears? This is a tricky one. I'm usually on the side of (in Chris Crocker voice) "LEAVE PARENTS ALONE"—especially moms, who deal with a tremendous amount of unnecessary shaming and criticism from society. And in the grand scheme of things, piercing your kid's ears seems like a relatively harmless thing to do. It's also common in many countries outside the U.S. On the other hand, I understand the argument against it. Piercings are painful and maybe not the best thing to do to a child who is too young to have any say in the matter. But then again, so is circumcision.

This issue has caused controversy in the past, like when Kylie Jenner decided to pierce Stormi's ears and everyone lost their minds. Well, people still have very strong feelings on the subject, apparently. The baby-ear-piercing controversy was reignited this week when singer and actor Hilary Duff shared an Instagram story showing her 8-month-old daughter Banks with newly-pierced ears.

"She has enough hair for a pony!" wrote Duff in the story, adding: "Oh and yes we pierced her ears." Uh ohhhh.

The fun thing about Instagram stories is they have no comments section. But later, Duff posted this photo on her regular Instagram, of her and Banks. Because sometimes the need for likes overshadows the fear of comments. Been there.

People are now using the comments section of her recent post to relentlessly criticize Duff for piercing her baby's ears. And they are really, really mad.

But other commenters are defending Duff, claiming that it's no big deal to pierce a baby's ears.

It wouldn't be a controversy in 2019 without someone calling someone else a bunch of snowflakes.

Seems like piercing a baby's ears is actually pretty common.

HELP! WHO IS RIGHT AND WHO IS WRONG?! Is it possible this is a *gasp* GRAY area? JK JK this is the internet, gray areas/nuance of any kind are strictly forbidden here. Please let us know in the comments if Hilary Duff is a monster or if the people criticizing her are a bunch of monsters. It can only be one or the other!!!!!!!!!

"The specific storyline that people have responded to the most has been the horror of bathing suit shopping."

-Cathy Guisewite

For most of us, shopping for a swimsuit is cruel and unusual punishment. Women of every single size and shape should feel comfortable in a bathing suit, but the whole experience of buying one is usually a complete nightmare. If you've ever experienced this torture, these memes will crack you up.

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Joe Biden was the frontrunner to win the Democratic nomination to get cyberbullied by Trump until this week, when a sub-optimal debate performance had donors bailing and people wondering if Uncle Joe was really more of a racist grandpa.

The president is an alleged rapist and proud white supremacist, so naturally every bucket of pee looks golden text to a stinky turd, but Biden's campaign is without-a-doubt floundering with its case that Biden is the guy to take Trump on.

In the most talked-about moment from Thursday's debate, Senator Kamala Harris peeled off his skin and then burned him alive.

"As the only black person on this stage, I would like to speak on the issue of race," Harris began.

In what is likely to be among the most-played soundbites of the next year, Harris addressed Biden directly on his opposition to federally-mandated busing to integrate public schools:

Vice President Biden, I do not believe you are a racist, and I agree with you when you commit yourself to the importance of finding common ground.

But I also believe, and it's personal — and I was actually very — it was hurtful to hear you talk about the reputations of two United States senators who built their reputations and career on the segregation of race in this country. And it was not only that, but you also worked with them to oppose busing.

And, you know, there was a little girl in California who was part of the second class to integrate her public schools, and she was bussed to school every day. And that little girl was me.

He must have known he was bombing, because he decided to yield his time after a little back-and-forth.

In insisting that he was not, in fact, racist, Biden sure sounded pretty racist.

Speaking at a conference organized by civil rights activist Jesse Jackson, Biden argued that he's so non-racist, he just makes assumptions based on sweatshirts.

That's right, in trying to prove his racial justice chops, he decided to use stereotypes and slurs, saying, "We have to recognize that kid wearing the hoodie, may very well be the next poet laureate, and not a gangbanger."

Excuse me, sir, what is the problem with hoodies? It's impossible to mention hoodies in a racial justice context without immediately thinking of Trayvon Martin, who was shot by George Zimmerman in the street by wearing that "suspicious" outfit.

In a sign of solidarity after Martin was murdered, the hoodie became a symbol of injustice and the Black Lives Matter movement in 2012. Biden can't be expected to be familiar of the main events of the 2012—he was only vice president at the time.

Also, "gangbanger"? What is this, West Side Story?

Biden was also humiliated on matters less important than civil rights.

Eric Swalwell (who? Doesn't matter) called him old right to his face.

He also got a taste of his own medicine when he found out how much it sucks to have someone invade your personal space.

Maybe it's not enough of a campaign to be Barack Obama's friend?

The thirst is real.

Imagine being a full grown adult and getting mad that a kids' movie isn't being cast the way you want. You'd have to be insane, right? Or just insanely racist. And the controversy surrounding Disney's upcoming remake of "The Little Mermaid" is exactly that.

Disney just announced that Halle Bailey of the singing group Chloe x Halle will play Ariel in a live-action remake of "The Little Mermaid."

I mean, have you ever in your life seen someone who looks more like a live-action version of a Disney Princess??

She's also Beyoncé's protegée and has been hard at work on her singing career since she was a child, so she's clearly got the goods.

Still, some people are whining because Halle is Black and the cartoon version of Ariel from 1989 was white-skinned with red hair (and a green tail, because she's a mermaid, and mermaids aren't real and do not belong to any one specific race).

Trolls are attempting to mask their racism with statements like "she doesn't look physically like Ariel," which, again, is insane because Ariel is not a real person you guys. She is a half-fish-half-girl who someone drew in a picture once.

Oh, and, small detail: white people get cast as actual people of color — not fantasy figures who were once drawn as white, but actual people — all the time.

Suddenly all of Twitter has opinions on what mermaids are supposed to look like.

Yes, grown adults are arguing that mermaids need to look a certain way.

But Twitter is having a field day roasting all the racists who can't handle a Black person playing a mermaid.

Some are arguing that it's unlikely Ariel would've survived in her climate as a ginger in the first place.

Others point out that if we want to be "historically accurate" about what mermaids would've looked like, the answer is... not cute.

I mean, it's science:

So the 1989 version of Ariel was a massive, massive stretch to begin with — not only because she was thin and beige and red-haired humanlike, but also because, oh my god why are we arguing about this mermaids aren't real.

The point, of course, is that any talented actress can play Ariel, regardless of race.

And not-that-talented white actors have been playing roles intended for people of color for eons.

Facts are facts: white people don't have a monopoly on mermaid stories.

In fact, it's quite the opposite.

But one thing's for sure: the casting suggestion below is actually kind of inspired.

This hilarious 4th of July memes will have you shouting, "USA, USA, USA." We can all go back to complaining about all of the country's problems tomorrow.

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Today is a day that's supposed to be about drinking, and celebrating America, and drinking, and eating, and getting too drunk, and drinking more, and scaring the sh*t out of dogs with fireworks, and celebrating America. But it's hard to celebrate America when the President is holding a military parade on the taxpayers' dime while kids die in cages at the border and democracy dies in the White House. A lot of people just aren't feeling very festive this year.

Luckily, one thing Americans haven't lost is our ability to find humor in even the darkest times. Here are 14 jokes about the confusion of trying to celebrate a country that we used to love, and still appreciate living in, but that is turning into a horror film before our eyes. Happy 4th of July!!!!!

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If you, too, are feeling uneasy about celebrating this holiday, there are some ways you can help:

More ways you can help:

Happy 4th!!!!!! Now let's all get drunk and DONATE.

Today in "this cannot possibly be happening": Donald Trump said in a speech that the U.S. Army won the Revolutionary War by "taking over the airports." Airports, obviously, did not exist back then.

I know what you're thinking: there's no way he could make such an egregious error, especially not during his costly Fourth of July Bugs Bunny dictator parade. The quote has to be taken out of context. Nope! Here it is:

As you might remember from your fourth grade history class, air travel was not invented until the early 1900s.

And incredibly, Trump actually mentioned its American inventors, the Wright Brothers, earlier in his speech, the Guardian points out.

There's also some squabbling over whether Trump meant the Revolutionary War or the War of 1812 here, because he scrambled a few different events. But the fact remains that airports did not exist yet during either of these wars.

He also made a slew of other errors.

Former teachers were bemused by the news.

Some used the gaffe as an opportunity to roast LaGuardia, the Port Authority of air transit hubs.

Trump also promised we will soon land on Mars, or at the very least shoot an American flag at it with a giant outer-space T-shirt gun.

At least the journalists tasked with fact-checking Trump had an easy day.

Happy July Fourth weekend, y'all.