Every breath you take, and every move you make, and every bond you break, and every step you take, Trump's tweets follow you.
You don't have to spend your days scrolling the internet to feel a Trump-shaped cloud looming over your interactions, infecting pop culture, and tainting your bar conversations. He is president, and he is extremely online, and his name has invaded our lives like plastic molecules in the ocean.
Sometimes (a lot of the time), it's nice to laugh at some jokes and have some thoughts that have nothing to do with Trump. So, for that very purpose, I have gathered some funny tweets that have absolutely nothing to do with the man who haunts us.
1.
dads be like “go help ur mother” bro go help ur wife
[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
[at a restaurant] woman: and i’ll have that without cheese me: *leaning my entire body into the waiters line of sight from a neighboring table* i’ll have her cheese
Hey y’all I just found out that chickpeas and garbanzo beans are the exact same thing. Maybe race really is a social construct and deep down we’re all just hummus
the only time wokeness has gone too far was when I saw a mouse at the crib and thought that putting cheese in the trap was too stereotypical and an unfair representation of the mouse community
It’s October which means I’m contractually obligated to share this text from my brother about the search for the pumpkin spice itself. pic.twitter.com/Crl1q7brQo
Subway announcements are always like “attention passengers. H͇͔͖̯f̥͡b̹̮̭̘̙̠d̸̜̘͕͚̫c̞͚͉̭͍̯͇h̥͇̭͇͟ͅn̨̜̺̟̖̗͙a̧̲̪̭̩̘̺̯b̢̮̳ͅrnc͖̼̲͖͘h̹̠̗͖̲͇͈̀a̞͕b̝̦͔̟̖̺e̩̳̠͇ͅh҉͕͕̹͎͉ch̨͈͉̳͍̯s͏b͎̯͉̭̺͝è̯͙̟. Thank you:”
Uber drivers are the opposite of therapists because they talk about themselves for 45 minutes without asking a single question but at least in the end you get somewhere
New York City is a magical place where it can take you a solid 6 minutes to realize you’re standing two feet away from a man with his pants down on the subway
this weekend I'll be part of my first ever str8 wedding as an adult. I'm nervous, I don't know anything about hetero custom. when do they bring the goat out? where do I smear the blood??
I‘m on the ferry right now. Just spoke to the captain. I wrapped my arms around waist & menacingly whispered in his ear, “If I drink all the water in the river, you’ll be out of a job, so play your cards right, playboy,” & squeezed his ass hard before coming back down to my seat.
Insufferable white woman starter kit: - $7 iced coffee - Ill-fitting, ankle-grazing pants - “I like big books and I cannot lie” tote - Self-satisfied half-smile designed to impart to all who gaze upon it that you have a DELICIOUS little secret
Looking forward to posting a picture of me in my angel costume on Halloween with a caption like “I only show my wings once a year, but I’m an angel year-round”
The people you take molly with at the beginning of the night? They are your Fellowship of the Ring. The one water bottle you continually refill in the bathroom? That’s the ring. Trent? He’s Gimli.
Spooky season is upon us! And you know what's even scarier than skeletons and zombies? Email snafus.
A marketing firm called Article Group provided Twitter with the template to create "painfully relatable jack-o-lanterns" our of "terrifying things from every day life" and folks, it was a graveyard smash.
Pro-MAGA smear artist (and indicted felon) Jacob Wohl is back at it again with his big little lies, and it backfired in the most beautiful fashion.
Seeing Elizabeth Warren surging in the polls, Wohl and his henchman Jack Burkman decided to write fanfiction, enlisting a 24-year-old man to say that he had sex with the senator. Reports of an affair would be damaging to any politician who isn't Trump, but Wohl went the extra mile, telling a sordid tale of Warren and a former marine that would make a powerful erotic novel.
"These charges will shock the conscious of the nation," Burkman said, and by "conscious," we assume he means conscience.
Congrats to Elizabeth Warren on rising so quickly in the polls she forced Jacob Wohl to write erotica about her. pic.twitter.com/w73YkrEbu2
Wohl and Burkman hosted a press conference on Burkman's driveway, complete with a PowerPoint that says "Elizabeth Warren Cougar." The forgot the punctuation, and the "Mellencamp."
The duo brought up the fake Warren male mistress, who took off his shirt to show off a scar allegedly from Warren's feisty fingernails (!!!). Journalist Brandy Zadrozny debunked that instantly, going to the guy's Instagram and screenshotting the caption that says it's from a chain.
The patsy in Jacob Wohl's latest sex smear says he got a scar from a sexcapade with Elizabeth Warren. His Insta shows something else. pic.twitter.com/fK5HPJT3HX
This story seems wild enough for 2019 already, but it gets even better.
Warren's campaign caught wind of the attempted "cougar" smear, and decided to own it with a subtweet, while also pivoting to the issues.
It's always a good day to be reminded that I got where I am because a great education was available for $50 a semester at the University of Houston (go Cougars!). We need to cancel student debt and make college free for everyone who wants it. pic.twitter.com/fHasLm0j9P
The only thing better than busting a cheater is letting the whole world laugh at it on social media. These 15 people got caught cheating and the entire internet has the pictures to prove it.
There are two activities anti-vaxxers consistently love: exposing their children to potentially fatal illnesses, and arguing with scientists.
At this point, it clearly doesn't matter how many times anti-vaxxers get shut down by scientists, former friends, or roast jokes, they persist in spreading their deeply dangerous beliefs. Luckily, there is always someone ready to rebuttal with facts, and so the endless cycle of discussion and disagreement continues.
A few weeks back an anti-vaxxer posted a tweet blaming "Big Pharma" and "ignorant lawmakers" for an unvaccinated kid's expulsion, and it quickly sparked discussion.
A kid cries as he holds a goodbye note his classmates wrote in goodbye as he is kicked out of school in #NewYork by the #bigoted and ignorant #democratparty lawmakers bought of by #BigPharma, who repealed religious exceptions - This is straight up hate & discrimination. #Vaccinespic.twitter.com/Lt05KyumHT
A lot of pro-science people chimed in with equal parts empathy for the kid, and support of the school district's public health precautions.
This kid could expose others to fatal diseases. Measles leads to hospitalizations, and even death. He could expose a baby or pregnant mom to deadly diseases. He’s a public health risk. Its heartbreaking to see him cry I wish he had better parents that cared about his health.
My father’s cousin was 6 months old when she died of whooping cough. My aunt’s best friend was 8 when she died of diphtheria. My high school friend survived polio but wore leg braces for the rest of her life. I had measles at age 4 & still remember crying from pain. Don’t go back
People also pointed out how misguided it was to place blame on the school district for putting the kid in this sad position, when all the blame rests on the parents.
The conversation reached a peak when the woman debating the anti-vaxxer showed her credentials.
Sis you are really a wolf in sheep’s clothing, you got a bunch of followers off trynna get validation from your credentials praised by ppl because they didnt go as far in SCIENCE as you kudos all I was saying vaccines are deff tampered with and no one was ready to hear it.
While the interaction between the two women didn't end friendly, a lot of others jumped onto the exchange to share their pro-science views.
All caused by irresponsible parents who don’t believe in #science and haven’t bothered to educate themselves before making serious life decisions for their little one. Seems to be a lot of anti-science sentiment around USA. At least he can feel the love of classmates
Of the non-vaccinated, there’s a 100% chance an unvaccinated child would become infected with the measles. Which is why it’s so imperative for the health of all of us to not have any “exceptions” based in belief verses medical science. Hope this helped answer your question.
While it can be cathartic to watch people roast conspiracy theorists, the end goal is for more people to become educated and ditch their deeply dangerous anti-vaxx views.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is known for lots of things—her Green New Deal, her immense popularity with millennials, her social media savvy, and her clap-backs. She's basically the Chrissy Teigen of politics, meaning it's a huge mistake to come for her. And if there's one thing our president is good at, it's making huge mistakes.
Today's story of Trump's cyber-bullying blowing up in his face began when his son Don Jr. shared a video on Twitter this morning of a woman speaking at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's recent town house. In the video, the woman is having a climate change-related meltdown (normal) in which she says humans need to start "eating babies" (not normal). The only thing crazier than this would be not believing in climate change—can you even imagine? Oh wait....
"Seems like a normal AOC supporter to me," wrote Don Jr.
Donald Trump, the actual President of the United States (in case you've been fortunate enough to be living under a rock for 3 years), shared his son's tweet and added this eloquent-as-usual observation:
"AOC is a Wack Job!" wrote Trump, who has been even angrier and more erratic than usual on social media over the past week ever since the House of Representatives moved forward with impeachment proceedings.
Many people were quick to point out that Trump is in no position to be criticizing anyone else on their lack of sanity given that the only thing he has done consistently is act batsh*t insane.
Nice way to speak about an elected official.
Are you sure your not projecting your own personality?
Even tennis champ Martina Navratilova hit back by calling him out on hypocrisy AND a spelling error.
If you call someone names, at least spell it right. There is an H in WHACK #stablegenius you are not. And yes, there is a whack job here- just look in the mirror…. https://t.co/VhMwg2Zhb1
Staying in a hotel always seems like a good idea in theory: clean sheets on a bed you don't have to make! A mini-fridge full of M&M's and tiny bottles of booze! A breakfast buffet! Does it get any better than that?! But in reality, all kinds of creepy, weird and unpleasant things can happen when you're paying to sleep in a bedroom far away from home.
These 27 travelers shared their creepiest hotel stories on Reddit, and they just might convince you to make your next vacation a staycation instead.
My mom was traveling for work and sat next to a man (fellow business traveler) on the plane. They had a casual conversation and exchanged business cards. Later that evening she’s in her hotel watching TV and gets a phone call from the front desk that her husband is here and they want to know if they can give him a key to the room. Turns out the creep on the plane was pretending to be her husband to try to get into her room.
I was traveling out of the country right after finishing up a huge 5-day work event where I had about 10 hours of sleep total during the 5 days.
I got to the motel, which is kinda run down and the carpet and blankets are damp but I’m so exhausted I don’t even really think about it.
I fall asleep pretty much immediately at like 8PM local time.
At maybe 11pm or so, I get a call from the motel phone saying there’s been a complaint about noise. I tell them that’s impossible, I’ve been sleeping. They ask me if maybe it’s someone else in the room and I tell them nope, I’m here alone so there’s definitely no one else making noise. They ask me again if I’m sure I’m by myself and not causing any noise. I say yes again. Fall back asleep immediately.
When I woke up and thought about it some more, I realize how weird the entire interaction was. There was absolutely no noise I could hear anywhere nearby and I don’t know why the motel staff would need to clarify so many times that I was alone.
Apparently they never called. So I assume it must’ve been someone calling the different rooms to see who was in the rooms and how many people. I’ve never been so glad to always always use the extra latch chain lock.
While in the isles of Scotland, we stayed in a B&B. It was owned by a couple. The bedrooms were extremely well done and beautiful, but on everything there was signs to not "touch". To use the shower, you would have to ask the couple and the Internet ended at 11pm. The woman would also check on everyone at random times in the night, we would hear creeping in the hallway to make sure "everyone was sleeping" and not doing any illegal things like using the Internet. When we checked out of her B&B, she came into our room and said that we "stunk", and opened the window to prove this and demanded for money immediately. Another traveller was kicked out of the B&B because the checkout time was 10am, and they were forced to stand outside (she wouldn't even let them stay inside) in the thunderstorm while their taxi came. Another traveller had to go a check (we were in an isolated place) to pay for the room and she took their bags and wouldn't give them back. But on the way out...she asked everyone if they enjoyed their stay!
EDIT: so I took a look at their trip advisor page and the ownership seems to have changed to a much nicer couple since we visited it in 2015. However all of the negative reviews are from before the change. Location was Isle of Skye, Portree
Found a hotel in Yangon (Burma) the day we got there for pretty cheap. They mentioned the rates were low because maintenance was being done on several floors. We sleep fine, wake up and head to breakfast. At breakfast we met some Germans who had also stayed the night in our hotel. They said they had not slept well because during the middle of the night someone woke them up to move them from the floor they were on. We (us and the Germans) found out later that they had been moved because they were on one of the levels reserved for maintenance, and part of the maintenance included gassing the rooms for bugs. During the middle of the night they were just going around the rooms shoving the gas nozzle or whatever under the doors and letting them run; wound up killing the two people next to the Germans before they realized they’d accidentally booked people on that floor. We weren’t on that floor thankfully but it has always stuck with me how seemingly easy it could’ve been to have gotten mixed up in that.
Family vacation. 1am. My brother and I had just finished watching The Shining on TV. Neither of us had seen it before. We heard someone trying to open our door. No one else was supposed to have keys.
Someone tried to swing open the door, but the hotel lock stopped them. They kept trying to open it multiple times, banging the door against the lock. After a few tries, they gave up. The hotel desk clerk accidentally entered the wrong room for their keycards.
It was probably best way I saw The Shining. I can't be scared more than that from that movie.
When I was 12, I was staying in a motel with my mom on a road trip. We were in the middle of nowhere in Texas at a motel that had a decent rating in our guidebook and was really cheap, so we went for it. In the middle of the night, the owner knocked on the door and told us we had to leave because he wanted the room for someone else (!!!) My mom was outside arguing with him while I was gathering our things, and I was terrified because I heard him start yelling.
I looked out the window and saw about half a dozen bikers in vests appear out of nowhere (maybe a nearby room?) and start confronting the owner. My mom came inside quickly and we watched them start harassing the guy, things like “she’s paid to be here. You’re gonna let her stay tonight! We don’t want to ever hear shit like this from you again!” And the owner was saying things like “I don’t want any trouble!”
Everybody left fairly quickly and we didn’t ever hear anything about it the next day at checkout. We weren’t able to sleep very well because we were so shook up, but it was better than getting in the car again.
Oh I have one! Though this has turned out quite long to describe.
So mine takes place in a London hostel a few weeks ago. I have 2 friends with me that are both male, and we’re staying in a 9 bed mixed dorm. There’s 3 sets of 3 tier bunk beds. I’m in the bottom bed of the right bunk, friend 1 in the top of my bunk, friend 2 in bottom bed of middle bunk.
So, we get in at 2am and all just quietly get in our beds, after a few minutes of lying there trying to sleep I hear rustling behind me (I’m lying on my side facing the wall). So I think it is just someone going through their bag and ignore it.
Then I feel a hand on my hip over the cover, I turn round and it’s a random guy telling me to move over and trying to pull at my cover. I initially thought he was drunk and wasn’t sure which bed to be in so I tell him to go find his own bed, and then he shuffles away to bottom bed of left bunk.
Then he comes back again, i again tell him to go back to his own bed and he shuffles back to his own again. This happens another couple of times, with me gradually speaking louder and getting less polite telling him to fuck off.
So I’m shaking cause the situation is making me nervous, and message my mate that’s on the top bunk, saying I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep that night. He messages back casually thinking it’s cause of someone’s snoring. This is when I find out both my mates have ear plugs in and although they’ve heard me speaking, they each thought I was speaking to the other friend. So I tell him the situation and he starts keeping an eye out.
I hear the guy go to the bathroom that is en suite, but I can tell from the light he left the bathroom door open whilst doing so and refused to look. My mate fills me in that the guy was walking round with his pants down and deliberately left the door open to get me to look, but either way the guy goes back to his bed after and we think the situation is finally over.
Then it happens again, my mate keeping an eye out shines his phone light on the floor and shouts for the guy to fuck off. Apparently he was crawling across the floor again towards me.
The guy suddenly takes offence at my mates light shining on him and starts actually climbing the bunk ladder like King Kong to get to my mate on the top and was trying to take his phone. They wrestle for a while with my mate actually kicking the guy in the neck to try and keep him away, only for the guy to swing backwards and come straight back at him again.
I use this time to run for security, who find the guy still hanging on the bed when they get there, then call the police and have the guy taken away in a riot van and banned from the building.
Whilst the police had dragged him outside waiting for the riot van, the guy even head butted the brick wall several times.
No idea what that guy was on cause it wasn’t alcohol, but definitely on something to take a kick to the neck and still act like nothing happened afterwards.
The guy kept trying to blame my mate when security came as well, saying things in broken English like “come up here and see how violent this guy is”.
My other mate that had slept through the whole incident kept saying the next day that he couldn’t believe how friendly everyone in London is.
A friend and I once stayed at a pretty fancy B&B for the night. The lady who owned it was absolutely lovely, but would appear out of no where. We’d be sitting alone in a large room with one doorway and suddenly she was in the room with us. Either this joint had secret doors or something really creepy was going on. She seemed to know things that we’d said or done as well. The thing that tripped us out the most was hearing someone trying to open our door during the night. She was super lovely and the building was beautiful, but we were relieved to check out the next morning!
I arrive at a secluded, coastal hotel south of Marmaris Turkey around 2 AM. It had been a long day in Istanbul followed by a flight and long bus ride into Marmaris where I haggled with non-English-speaking taxi drivers... who were not even aware that this small resort exists. When the taxi pulls up to the hotel... it’s on fire. When the owner, standing out front sees us he opens the taxi door excitedly, “You come. I have nice room for you!” I point out that the hotel is on fire but he simply gestures and says “Small fire. No problem. You come.” I. Am. Utterly. Exhausted. I find myself following the owner into the hotel, stepping over fire hoses, waving away smoke, passing fire fighters as they run up and down a very nice staircase. We pause at the second floor landing and the owner tells me, “See. Fire only on this side of hotel. This side no fire. You come.” My exhaustion removes every ounce of common sense and I follow him to a room down the hall. The room is indeed fire-free. I quickly scan the in-case-of-fire message on the back of the door, checked the window escape, and promptly pass out with my gear and boots on. In the morning I awake [alive] wondering if I dreamt the entire thing. I go down the smokey stairs past the charred other side of the hotel. The owner is so happy to see me [still alive] that he eats breakfast with me.
I went back a few years later and the hotel had fully recovered.
Did the couchsurfing.com thing with a friend a few years ago. We are both big guys so typically feel safe everywhere we go.
Show up at the house, 60year old guy opens the door while on the phone. Hes only wearing sweat pants. He signals for us to enter. He continues his conversation and ends with an I love you. He turns to us and says welcome, and apologizes for being on the phone. He starts talking about his GF, who he was talking with, and how she lives overseas. He mentions he has several GFs and boasts about being a ladies man. He then starts to show us pictures. These girls looked like they were 14, while sliding through the pic he accidentally showed us one of their passports. This weirded us out a lot. We were early twenties and didn't really know what to do, so we said we were tired and wanted to sleep. He walked us to the room while rubbing his belly. Told us he we make breakfast in the morning.
We decided to sleep the night, but leave before he woke up. My friend slept on the bedroom door so he couldn't sneak in. We got up super early and bolted.
We got super weird vibes from the guy and just felt gross/weird about the whole thing.
Stayed in a B&B in Pennsylvania that seemed cute enough. They did have a wall of antique dolls in the main room but otherwise no signs of weirdness.
That's until we were settled in the room. I noticed some scratches on the floor near a book case and after some inspection realized it was a secret door. When I asked the owner, who gave a creepy vibe if it worked he said yes and showed me that it opened to their office (which was a cluttered room with a computer and piles or crap). It had a lock on their side and when I asked if there was a lock on my side he smiled and said "no". When I showed some concern that there was an unlockable entrance to my room that was camouflaged that they didn't tell me about he just kept smiling.
So that night no sex (fear of cameras) and I barricaded the fucking door and barely slept.
Edit: It was many years ago (before FB/Twitter etc) so we're racking our brains to remember the name. It was near New Hope, PA is all we can remember at this point.
When I was 12, my family took a vacation to Europe. At our hotel in Rome, there was this amazing indoor pool...and being a child of my age, I would have spent the entire vacation there if I could. During one such swimming excursion, some random gentleman, I think probably around 40-something, comes over to me and starts tickling my feet. My mother is with me, but is preoccupied with one of my other siblings. He speaks English as well and starts teasing me for being ticklish and telling me how I’m “simply adorable.” Through my giggles, I keep shyly asking him to stop. He doesn’t, and just keeps teasing me and touching my feet and lower legs. This went on for maybe 2 minutes tops before my mom sees what’s happening and goes into super protective mode and tells him to back the fuck off.
Im not sure if this qualifies or not. Let me know.
When I was like 14/15, I went with my family to Las Vegas and we stayed off the main strip in a 2 bedroom suite. It was a smaller casino/hotel. My parents left to go out and enjoy the night while I stayed with my younger siblings. They slept in the bedrooms and I was in the living room watching tv. I think I dozed off at around midnight and when I woke up, I was in a stairwell. Outside of the hotel room. I had no shoes on. I had no cell phone. No room key.
I went to the front office and told them I was locked out of my room and they believed me and gave me a key.
I still don't know why I was out there. To this day, I have never sleep walked. I don't know what happened. Maybe I did sleep walk, maybe something happened during those hours that I cannot remember. But it was creepy enough for me to share.
I arrived late at a hotel for a business trip. Flight had a malfunction so we had to land. They fixed it on the tarmac & we never deplaned. Room already paid for, confirmation number in hand, etc. I got there about 5 hours after I was supposed to be there. Of course, they gave away my room. I already wasn't happy from all the delays & I wasn't going anywhere. The event I was there for was in their hotel. I wanted my room. I was polite but resolutely firm. They did some scrambling and asked if I would consider a damaged room under construction. "As long as the sheets are clean so I can go to bed, I don't care." was my reply. Mistake. The room they gave me was literally a crime scene. The case had been closed so there was no legal issue to contend with but someone had been killed (or nearly killed - not 100% sure) in that room. They had primed over the blood stains on the walls & ceiling but had only taped down semi-clear plastic over the pooled blood on the carpets. Multiple small holes in the walls had obviously been patched & sanded but they were MULTIPLE SMALL HOLES IN THE WALLS. They gave me a completely new bed and TV from on-site inventory so I was comfortable but, man, it was creepy as fuck.
The creepiest part was the priming job. It was so obviously blood splatter. You could see where the person had been hit & where they fell. You could also see how they had tried to get up & where they had finally collapsed.
Edit: I'm amazed at the response to this. It's an anecdote I never considered all that interesting until I saw the question. This happened a while ago so bear with my memory. I've responded to questions as best as I can remember.
This was in 1999. I had a cell phone. It was a StarTac flip phone. Very stylish for the day. I usually wore it in a belt holster like Robin Williams in the movie Hook. I didn't call the hotel from the tarmac because I had very bad reception inside the plane. We landed at a small airport in Tennessee. I think it was called Myrna. Something like that. An ugly girls name is all I remember it as. Cell towers weren't all that common back then. Particularly away from metro areas. I didn't call the hotel when we landed because the hotel was in the airport. Dallas. DFW. I wasn't traveling alone. I was on a later flight than a lot of people because I was part of the planning team. Huge meeting with blocks of rooms arranged for and paid for by my team well in advance of the event. I was made aware that there was renovations in progress but I honestly didn't care. I had to be on stage presenting to large groups about 5 hours from the time I arrived. I had to get some sleep and have somewhere to shower and take a dump. I was given a new room the next day. I hadn't unpacked much and made sure I was 100% re-packed before I went down to the meeting rooms. The hotel arranged to bring everything from murder room to non-murder room. I picked up new keys at the front desk. I would have LOVED to take pictures. I didn't have my camera. StarTac flip phones didn't have that function. Believe it or not, I'd never even considered the suicide option before someone else here brought it up. Looking back on it, that may have been the case. I've been telling this story for close to 20 years. I'll raise that possibility from now on. I do not have witnesses. It's just a very odd & unbelievably true story. This was pre-google, pre-TripAdvisor, etc. The internet existed, obviously, but it was stuff like rotten.com & ebaumsworld.com. Fun stuff. Not nearly what it is today. We actually had a planner on the team who booked rooms & space for meetings as something like half her job. Like a semi-professional travel agent. The PR angle would be scary today; I can just see the BuzzFeed click bait generated by 100 iPhone pictures taken from odd angles. But, no, that stuff didn't happen back then. I was very grateful that they pulled out a brand new mattress & big-ass Sony Trinitron at 2:15am. A very large CRT. I tipped everyone involved in that operation $10. Two maintenance guys & one maid who was not in a maid uniform. Some sort of sweatsuit. She made the bed while I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. She was happier with the $10 than the maintenance guys. They were grumpy.
Was in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua last year. Massive spiders all over the room. Even woke up with a couple of little scorpions in my bed the first morning. Next night I'm sitting at the bar, drinking and chatting with a mate - feel a tickle on the back of my neck and think it's a mosquito or something. Brush the back of my neck and another motherfucking scorpion, this time wayy bigger, plops on the ground at my feet. Stared at it for a moment in shock, squealed like a girl, squashed it and kept drinking.
In mexico, my gf and i stayed a night in a hut in the jungle. No running water no electricity. As we are from central europe, we are not used to dangerouse wildlife(spider, scorpions, ect.). There was a beautiful cenote near by and at some point it rained like crazy. the daytime was amazing. The night not so much..
In our hut was a bed with a mosquitonet with huge holes in it. It was pitch black in the hut as we laid down and got comtftable trying to sleep. I felt a bit creeped out and decided to check the hut for insects with my phones flashlight. bad idea. there were hundreds of big spiders all over the walls and ceiling.
not the nights sleep i had wraped up like a mummy every piece of clothing we had with us.
My spouse and I stayed at a massive hotel complex which consisted of one hotel who bought almost every other hotel around it. We bought the online special and were put in one of the ancient aquisitions. There was this odd 4x4 piece of plywood that was hanging down from the ceiling just enough so it felt like someone could watch you through the crack but you couldn't see in it. We hung up the do not disturb sign and went to tourist around. We came back and the TV was on at maximum volume. We left and returned again and the shower curtain had fallen down. Good thing it was only a one night stay...that room just had the feeling of someone there.
Once witnessed a thief breaking into cars in the parking lot from my hotel room window. Called the front desk and they had security go outside with a big ass stick. We had the bird’s eye view as this security officer is searching for the thief and the thief is evading him. Unfortunately, the thief got away in his vehicle.
Okay so I already posted this on another thread, but when I was about four years old my family ended up staying at the Cedar Lodge motel where Cary Stayner worked right before he murdered four women. My family drove to Yosemite, and it was a long drive for us (three kids all under the age of seven plus two adults and a fuckton of mountains will do that). By the time we arrived at the motel, it was late, we were all cranky, and we couldn’t wait to get out. But the moment we pulled in, something set my moms teeth on edge and she insisted that we left and found another hotel, reservation or not. My mom has always had this like sixth sense and her gut has actually saved us a couple of times but my dad was tired and convinced her to ignore her gut and stay for just the night and the next morning we’d leave. I can remember my mom actually refusing to let go of our hands, making us stay right by her side as she kept looking around while checking in. To try and get her to relax, my dad suggested we go to the pool, thinking it would calm her down. Well, when we got there, there were no towels so my mom called the front desk. The moment the man delivering towels arrived, my mom immediately grabbed us out of the water and rushed us back to the room. The man gave her the absolute creeps and she says there was just this feeling of pure evil when he looked at us. That night my mom and dad pushed the dresser in front of the door and had us all sleep in the same bed. The next morning, we left to go to another hotel but my mom couldn’t stop talking about how evil that motel was. About two months later, she and my dad were up late watching the news when they started reporting on a man who had murdered a woman and two young girls in Yosemite. Just as my mom began to say “I bet it was at that motel” they showed Cary Stayners face and said it occurred at the Cedar Lodge motel. Cary Stayner was the man who brought us our towels at the pool. We’ve never gone back to Yosemite and my mom is always insistent that we listen to our gut feeling and when every bone in your body is telling you something is wrong, gtfo.
TL;DR we stayed at a motel where serial killer Cary Stayner worked and my mom’s gut told her he was a fucking creep
A chalet in the state of Maine Vermont with three others. The lady at the "front desk" was approximately a billion years old with cloudy eyes and her "front desk" was a small table next to a recliner in a room full of knick knacks and china dolls. The actual room, was what I imagine a hotel room in the 40's would look like, and obviously it had never been remodeled. The bathroom had a metal claw-foot tub. The worst part, though, was the door at the back of the room. I assumed it would be another closet but we opened it and there was nothing but cold and darkness. We used the flashlight on our phones and discovered a long, wide, cement-walled hallway. I assumed it was used to travel between rooms when the weather was bad but the vibe it gave off was making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The night went smoothly and nothing ever happened but I still feel like we survived a night in a boring horror movie. I've tried to look for it again but with no results, I'll have to ask my grandma who booked the trip.
I once stayed in a B&B which had a shared bathroom. The first night I got up at probably like 2am and I was bursting for a pee. The bathroom was down the hallway, not too far but seemed like such an effort in my tired state. I get to the bathroom and open the door and there was this guy just standing in the bathroom, dressed head to toe in a mime costume. Face painted and everything. He was squatted down on the floor but his trousers were still up. I looked at him for a second, he gave me a wave with a smile and began just silently pushing. I just ran back to my room, locked the door and decided to pee in a bottle. I'm still not sure if I was just really tired and seeing things or something, it's seriously the strangest thing I've ever seen.
My girlfriend works as a tv commercials producer and often travels to South America (mainly Argentina). One night she woke up at around 3am to find a male hotel employee standing at the foot of her bed staring at her. When they checked the CCTV he had been doing it for hours that night and for the previous three nights.
Checked into a hotel on vacation. Everything was going okay. Woke up one night to erratic movement of the door handle as if someone was trying to get in or break the door down. Always happened in the dead of the night when in deep sleep. As soon as i woke up it would stop. Spoke to a hotel manager about it and he told me it was a patient who was recently released from a mental institute who does this as he still thinks he is locked up in the institute. A combination of not taking his medication and sleepwalking makes his randomly try and kick doors down within the hotel. The family was very wealthy and connected and the manager didnt want to kick up a fuss for chucking out someone who can shut his business down very quickly. I left after a week because it got worse.
I stayed in an Econolodge in Baltimore once, and the pic from the booking was not the hotel I was in. It was next to an abandoned Red Roof Inn, which was constantly flooded with hookers, and a homeless shelter that seemed to have no volunteers and a ton of homeless people. My room smelled like mildew, had cigarette burns and blood stains on the blanket, and had some friendly rats scampering around. When I went to the front desk the gentleman handed me a baggie of rat poison and said, "sprinkle this, they will die." The following morning as I stepped outside to the saving grace that was dunkin donuts at the corner, there was a woman peeing in the parking lot, having a conversation with her friends while they were hitting the pipe. Place was the worst. Thought I could be stabbed at any moment.
What a week. The president, under impeachment investigation for asking a foreign country to interfere in the 2020 election, straight-up stood on the White House lawn and asked a foreign country to interfere with the 2020 election. Bernie Sanders had a health scare, but his heart will go on. Elizabeth Warren was accused by a felon of having a Fifty Shades affair with a 24-year-old Marine, which hopefully has inspired Nancy Meyers to write her next masterpiece.
In honor of the premise Cougar Liz Warren playing out in everybody's mind-theaters, here are some great jokes frm women who, like the senator, deserve to see their wildest fantasies come true.
1.
can y’all please stop getting dumb bitches pregnant. im tired of seeing “my little angle”
Conspiracy theory: Shia LaBeouf lost his passion in acting and purpose in life so he hibernated for a couple years and came back as a rapper with face tattoos named Post Malone. pic.twitter.com/3AGLsSIyzZ
Why do no TV shows or movies understand that big envelope means you got into the college, little envelope means you didn’t? Don’t make me watch a character open a little envelope and get into college
I consider calling a man daddy in bed as role playing. He’s pretending that I’m a sexy barely legal teen, and I’m pretending he could handle any level of responsibility.
It's important to recognize that not all art is made for everyone, sometimes you're not meant to be the audience, for instance as someone who's had sex before, no reason for me to see the Joker movie.
Who among us has not been concerned our partner had been sucked into a "weird and perverted s*x cult" at one point or another?! The first few months of every relationship is the honeymoon phase full of nervous butterflies and intimate eye contact, but soon after, there is ALWAYS the s*x cult phase. How else are you supposed to make a relationship last, if not with the presence of 5-500 other horny brainwashed cult members?
But in all seriousness, navigating the way your partner changes is one of the biggest challenges of maintaining a long-term partnership. People sometimes they gravitate towards entirely different belief systems and lifestyles (including sex cults), and deciding whether to work through these shifts or part ways can be painful.
In a recent post on the Am I The *sshole subreddit, and guy asked if he's wrong for asking his girlfriend to stay away from what he's convinced is a sex cult.
"AITA for telling my gf to stay away from what I'm sure is some sort of weird and perverted sex cult."
OP shared that his girlfriend of two years has changed a lot in the past six months, since spending more time with a few friends of hers.
"I've known my girlfriend for over 2 years now but her behavior over the last six months is really troubling me. She's had difficulty with work and she's taking more "medication" and there are a few friends of hers I don't really like. I think they're part of some weird cult and are starting to have an influence on her."
OP share that he's always been wary of these friends and urges his girlfriend to stay away, but she refuses to.
"AITA for telling her I'm feeling wary about these friends of hers and that she should stay away? I've tried a few times, but without hard ultimatums, nothing is going through to her."
He shared the key behaviors that concern him, including nudist camp outs, a pressure to have "sexually free weekends," and expensive biweekly getaways.
"Here's some of the weird behaviors that has me worried.
They want to organize nudist camps (they're not nudists but deal with healing, natural therapies for dealing with anxieties etc. ... all that hippy bullsh*t)"
"They totally fit the stereotype of the pot-addled tree-hugging bum."
"They're encouraging her to open up our relationship. I'm not cool with that. I'm open to inviting others into our sexual activities so long as everyone knows each other and chooses to go with it, but there's talk of open weekends where we can explore outside our relationship but we come back to our respective partners. They wanted her to commit to that on one of her trips and I put a stop to that."
"Money ... their biweekly get aways are depleting my gf's savings. Gas, food, and other random activities seem to cost a lot of money."
OP said he feels like he's lost his girlfriend the past few months, and is at a loss for what to do.
"I worry I'm losing my gf and I have to be strict with her. AITA for putting my foot down and telling her that she has to completely cut off contact with them for her own good?"
evilmotorsports doesn't think OP is in the wrong, but also thinks he should let go.
"NTA but if she's already going on these trips with them I think she's already "opened up" if you know what I mean."
"To be honest, if that's not your thing I'd cash out and let her live her that life. It's hard to change people's minds on stuff like that and an ultimatum may just be met with defiance. That is unless you have kids or own a home together.....then maybe you need to get creative."
coastup16 thinks OP uses controlling language, but needs more information before weighing in.
"INFO: Why do you think she gonna listen to that? That's maybe a little harsh but I am curious why you're using phrases like 'have to be strict' and 'putting your foot down'."
"In general I have trouble with anybody telling the person they're dating what to do 'for their own good'. That's what parents say to children when they want to eat ice cream for dinner, you know? I think it's usually a controlling and condescending way to look at a relationship and a lot of people won't react well to that, even if the advice is actually sound. HOWEVER, if you think this group is dangerous then you're not only not an ahole, I'd say you were obligated to try and keep your girlfriend safe."
ReflectionInfection also asked for information in order to gauge whether it's actually culty, or just more open-minded than OP connects with.
"INFO - I need further convincing that this is a cult and not just a pack of likeminded hippies. Have they requested money from her? I know you mentioned weekend trips but that seemed like voluntary girls-weekend kind of things... I'm talking contributions to some cause. Have you noted a shift in or newfound conviction for core values? Is there a "ring leader" within the group?"
"I think you might just not dig her friends or their sexual whatever. That's fine. You don't have to do or consent to anything that is an affront to your values."
"You can and should figure out for yourself if these friends are dangerous, but YWBTA if you tell her to stay away without proof they are a sinister influence. She's an adult and can choose her own inner circle. How would you plan on "enforcing" this policy?"
"Do you hang out with them/have a firsthand sense of their dynamic? Is your view of all this framed only through your gf's filter?"
"I've noticed a shift in convictions and new found core values. She's much less a stickler for rules now, and she keeps having these weird days where she says she's exploring her possibilities. And some of them are like really weird and sexual. She wasn't like this a year back."
"I don't know if there's a ring leader but I haven't spent too much time getting to know them. I've only hung out with them maybe 4-5 times and the vibe I get is that they're really searching for some meaning in life but just absolutely lazy to hold a job."
theheartsofdarkness thinks OP should lay out his boundaries and let his girlfriend decide what she wants.
"NTA. Tell your girlfriend that you she's adventuring to a place where you can not follow her. You're allowed to have your own boundaries and space. If that's a road she wants to travel, she's welcome to, but it might have to be without you. Tell her you love her and worry about drifting apart."
"Let her know where you stand on it instead of policing it. The rest is up to her."
emduggs thinks no one is at fault, it might just be a matter of different values.
"NAH. Ultimatums are a d*ck move. It seems like you know that based on your writing and behaviors. While there is some expectation that people will change during a relationship and you should be okay with that, it is clear that the person your girlfriend is turning in to and the things she wants are not what you signed up for. There is nothing wrong with your telling her that you will never open up the relationship and you don’t want to stay with her if she starts going to nudist events. It is not controlling or manipulative if you are being honest and not setting ultimatums."
Regardless of whether OP's girlfriend is gradually getting lured into a cult, or she's merely having an awakening - it sounds like they're moving different directions in their lives. Hopefully they can have a transparent conversation about what that means.
With all of the depressingly bonkers stuff going on in the world today we could all use some feel-good content to make us smile. These memes cute, funny, and guaranteed to make you say, "Aww."
There's no greater indication that Elizabeth Warren's presidential campaign is going well than the fact that MAGA fraudsters attempted to smear her with a bogus, but intriguing, affair allegation.
Known fraud Jacob Wohl, in a plea for both attention for himself and negative press for Senator Warren, recruited a dude to say that he screwed the senator, and the senator screws HARD.
Kelvin Whelly, a self-described Marine-turned-escort and Tyler C. from The Bachelorette wannabe, stood at a press conference on Wohl's buddy's porch to tell the tale of the time he met Warren on the male escort site Cowboys4Angels. Whelly says that he is a gigolo who has experience with experienced clients, but never got down and dirty with somebody over sixty.
"Senator Warren didn't just want rough sex, but extended BDSM play," he said, and no—BDSM doesn't stand for Being Democratic Senator for Massachusetts.
Ok, let's look at the raw footage. Here's Kelvin Whelly describing meeting with Senator Warren. The audience (press and onlookers) were laughing, prompting even Whelly to chuckle.
He says Warren asked for sex toys, but wanted to be surprised by what they were. pic.twitter.com/Hp4wEeXL1s
Whelly goes into great detail about using a Hitachi massager and water-based lubricant, because Elizabeth Warren Has A Plan For That. He allegedly got the sex toys delivered from Amazon, which is something we know Warren would not stand for, seeing how she is campaigning on breaking up big tech.
Fraudsters Wohl and Jack Burkman touted Whelly's service record to insist that the claim was credible. Whelly said that he was stationed in Afghanistan in 2012, but a brief scroll through his Instagram places him as a sophomore in high school at the time.
.@Jack_Burkman Hey dumbass Kelvin Whelly didn’t even graduate high school until 2014 so he wasn’t in Afghanistan in 2012. You have helped this man commit stolen valor do you have no fucking shame? You spit on everyone who has served this country honorable pic.twitter.com/WUPd0pgFvZ
Journalist Andrew Feinberg looked up his service record, and while he was indeed in the Marines from 2014 to 2016, he was never stationed in Afghanistan. Or anywhere else.
I FOIA’d the DD-214 for Kelvin Whelly, the guy who serial idiots @jack_burkman and Jacob Wohl were trying to pass off as Elizabeth Warren’s secret escort/boyfriend yesterday. Enjoy. pic.twitter.com/Kk2Q8vphoq
Whelly's service in the Marines has been confirmed, but his service as a gigolo was debunked.
The CEO of Cowboys4Angels told Rolling Stonethat he never applied to be included on the site, and he's not even "up to [the] caliber" of the esteemed agency. A scroll through his Instagram also makes the case.
Camping is not for the faint of heart or stomach, and most of us who grew up in the industrialized world aren't fluent in the survival skills (both emotional and physical) necessary to navigate the wild.
In theory, setting up camp in the woods might sound like a whimsical way to get away from all the people and noise, nature comes with its own sounds and visitors. There are few experiences more terrifying than feeling watched when you're in the middle of nowhere, cell reception be damned.
In a recent Reddit thread, people who regularly camp shared the scariest stories from the woods, and it'll make you want to pack extra batteries for your flashlight.
1. KMIAOFFICIAL found a lady whispering on the ground.
"When I was younger, around 14 or 15 years old. My family used to camp at a state park. Every night my friend and I would walk through the woods. We called this "the ritual" this particular night we decided to walk further into the woods than usual. We had flashlights be we liked to try and navigate through the woods with them turned off. We were about half a mile from the nearest camp site when we heard soft whispering behind us. Obviously we hit the flashlights and spun around. Didn't see anything."
"So we kept walking and we hear it again. This time we stop and look around a bit before we decided to head back to our campsite. Then we see what's whispering. It's a lady crawling on the ground whispering just random words. She was wearing dark clothes and was covered in dirt."
"When she sees that we notice her she stands up and declares that she is looking for her campsite. We ended up walking her back to the campground and tried helping her find her group. Turns out she was just super drunk/high and got lost trying to find a bathroom. Her friends didn't even notice she was missing and if we didn't go that far into the woods she would have been lost all night. It was pretty creepy."
"Went camping in Ginnie Springs in Florida about 10 years ago and sometime at night I heard that sound you hear in movies/TV of a huge tree falling. Didn't think anything of it. About 10 minutes later I started hearing lots of people talking outside my tent so I got out and discovered the tree fell on someone's tent kind of close by and killed them. A helicopter had to come and airlift them out."
"Safari guide here. Woke up one morning, with "something" very warm, rather soft and comfy on my back. Realized my back was against the canvas of the tent. Realized it was an animal. It was a really cold winter night, temperatures drop close to zero here in the lowveld. WTF?"
"As I moved a bit, I heard the voice from my buddy, from his tent. He spoke a bit hushed, and with a definite tremble in his voice; "TheAfricaBug are you awake?". Stupid me replied with a strong voice: "yes". The animal next to me got up, and (luckily) ran away.
I was camping in a valley by myself with no cell service. I stayed late on a trail and ran into a nice local dude as it was getting dark. He showed me a local camping spot close to the road and the river, but camouflaged. I had a fire, drank beer, and listened to my friend’s comedy podcast. I was loud and visible."
"Because it was dark already I decided to sleep in the back of my truck under my topper next to all of my gear as opposed to setting up my tent. The next morning I made a fire, cracked a beer, and started making breakfast. Then I notice that there is a man at the edge of my camp. He comes closer, but never looks directly at me. This dude looks homeless has a long ratty beard and has at least a hundred plastic grocery bags tied all over his clothes. I comment about how nice the day is. No response from him."
"I offer him breakfast, nothing. He sort of paces around the perimeter of my camp. I offer him a beer. But he just turns around. The dude is just standing there back to me wandering around. I’m realizing that there isn’t going to be any good happenings. I had my bear spray and buck knife super close. I give him an ultimatum, “motherfucker, you are either going to acknowledge me or leave immediately!”
"He ignores me. I grab the bear mace and walk a few steps towards him. He sulked away and I threw my shit in my truck and left that place right quick. I wonder if he had watched me during the night and I thank my laziness for staying in my truck instead of a tent."
"Camping alone in a bit of secluded bushland (lots of sticks and leaf litter so can hear critters and people moving easily). Hearing a plopping noise during the night (but no other noises) to wake up to see a decapitated kangaroos head next to the tent that obviously wasn't there when I put the tent up. No explanation. Got the f out of there."
"Went camping with my friends back in high school. We hiked way out into the woods/mountains and collapsed exhausted into our tents. Middle of the night, I hear something outside my tent. Then another something, and another, all around the tent. It sounded so much to me like something stalking up to our tent, surrounding it."
"I gathered my courage and looked out, shining my flashlight into the pitch black darkness. All I could see in the dark was shining eyes looking back at me. Not little eyes or eyes close to the ground, but almost man height and large. Turned out it was a herd of deer."
"It was 2 am pitch dark, low fire. We heard rustling in the woods, flashlights pan out, all of he sudden a mole comes running towards us and INTO the fire. We could hear it sizzling while we all were screaming! The next day the charred body was buried with an proper funeral."
"I had a nasty thunderstorm that spawned a tornado roar over me one night. The tornado cut a path a couple of kilometers away. At one point the lightning was almost continuous. No choice but ride it out."
"My parent's story, not mine. They were on a canoe trip way up in nowhere, Saskatchewan, far from any semblance of civilization. One morning, they hear a rustling outside their tent. Still half asleep, my dad sits up and tries to figure out what is going on. The noise is loud, and very close. Before he can collect himself enough to go investigate, his whole side of the tent collapses in on top of him."
"The weight lifted quickly. Now entirely awake, my parents scrambled to open the tent flap and figure out what was going on. About ten feet away was a spooked black bear, staring confused and concerned at the tent. After being yelled at a bit, it ran off. We figure it had been foraging in the bushes right behind the tent and lost its balance. So my dad can truthfully say he has been sat on by a bear."
10. JustThoseBalls was lucky the wild bores didn't get mad.
"We like to hike 3-5 miles down a trailhead in deep Georgia. One night the temperature dropped into the low 20's, which is really rare for mid fall. We got a solid fire going, and the heat mixed with a full belly put us all to sleep."
"I woke up to my buddy tapping my foot with a stick. I looked up at him and he nodded toward the fire. There were 2 wild boar kicking up dirt around the dying fire."
"We didn't have any sort of weaponry except a hand axe that was out of our reach. My friend and I laid there completely silent watching these two for about an hour till the fire died completely down and they moved on."
"If you don't know, Wild Boars in Georgia are easily 150lbs, pissed all the time, and prone to gore literally anything . We were reaaaally lucky we didn't spook them."
11. 11bztaylor knows what raccoons are capable of.
"My time in the Army meant i spent a ton of time in the woods of upstate NY. I remember many of nights waking up to things reaching into my pockets, pulling things from my kit (body armor). Id wake up to a raccoon pillaging my things, literally unzipping pouches and such. I still swear to this day they were organized, rallied behind this giant raccoon fuck stick who would sit outside and keep guard and coordinate them."
12. eclecticsed saw a feral pony that looked like an old woman.
"My family went camping every summer when I was growing up. We usually bounced between Virginia Beach, Assateague, and this godawful place called Westmoreland. One trip we were in Assateague, near the beach, and we had two tents set up in different parts of the site."
"Some time in the middle of the night my mom woke up, which woke me. She was sitting up straight but completely still, and I looked over at what she was staring at. In the moonlight there was the silhouette of what looked like an old woman looking into our tent. Long wiry hair and everything."
"I was young, so it terrified me, and I started asking my mom what that was, who was outside. Once I made noise it spooked the "old woman" and she took off, and that's when we realized she was actually one of the feral ponies that live on the island. We had set up that particular tent on one of their trails, and they were going down to the beach."
13. Yttermayn's friend found the ultimate abandoned cabin.
"I know someone who while hiking in Colorado with some friends, they found an abandoned cabin. In a roughly circular region around the cabin, everything inside was dead: plants, small animals, etc. They didn't step inside and have no idea what was up."
14. wdh662 still doesn't know whose skittles those were.
"Scariest was camping with my wife when a windstorm blew up. I am talking trees being blown over, branches falling, the works. In a forest full of jack pine. :("
"The creepiest was camping with my best friend. We were in a semi remote camping area. Driveable usually to get to it but definitely only with a 4x4. It was a semi maintained camping area as in there were a couple of fire pits, a few rotten picnic tables and a run down out house. Parks checked this place once a year or so."
"So we get there and start setting up when buddy wanders over to the shitter and opens the door. He stands there for a second or two and then closes the door and goes to the 2nd one, goes in and comes out a few minutes later."
"He comes back to me and says go check out that first one. I assume someone shit on the floor or an animal got stuck in there and died or something."
"Nope. 3 full backpacks. And i am talking big bags. Like the bag i have that size i use for week long trips. So we are nosy. We open them up. 2 are full of good quality gear. Nothing unusual. The third is full of skittles. Bulk bags. Small bags. Regular. Tropical. Sour. Every flavor and size of bag you can imagine. Just full of fucking skittles."
"Camped for 4 days. Never saw a soul. Bags still there when we left. We let the COs know when we got to civilization."
"Who left all that gear? Why did one person pack 80 litres of skittles? Don't know. But it was weird."
"Oh. Another scary one. Dog and I were backpacking. Spur of the moment overnight trip. Wasn't far off the road or anything. So I just have a tarp up as a small shelter. Small little fire. Wasn't really hiding per say but wasn't being obvious. Just dozing off when I hear a truck rip up and a bunch of drunken voices. Then the shooting started."
"Now they probably didn't know I was there. I was parked on a different road and hadn't realized i had walked as close as i had to the second one. But I still don't like being in the area when a bunch of drunken yahoos are shooting off guns. Especially when i was fairly certain they were shooting in my direction (based on the lay of the land). So I put pupper on a tight leash and headed out asap."
"25 years ago or so. Saw eyes in the darkness of the trees when shining a flashlight out. Seemed kinda high up. They were red reflecting. Also was having sticks and rocks occasionally thrown into our camp. Nothing big and it was directed at the fire. Eventually it stopped and we went to bed. There was 4 of us. I'm a light sleeper and so is my dad. We both woke up to footsteps and a really bad stink about 5am. My dad shook the side of the tent and yelled "get the fuck OUTA here" whatever it was it ran off. Cowlitz country WA."
Ever gotten so high you can no longer function as a human? That is literally the only kind of high I have ever gotten. There's something about weed that makes me go "who am I? What am I? WHY am I? And how do I fit all of the food in the world into my mouth?" So yes, I can tragically relate to every single one of these hilarious tweets about people who got so stoned they forgot how to be a person:
What’s the highest thing you’ve ever done?? One time I put a cup of water in the microwave and the cup was too tall to fit so I dumped some water out and tried to put it back in because I thought that would make it fit LMAOOOO
Driving at night. It was raining and I was tired and stoned. I was sticking my hand out the window and catching the rain drops and then rubbing the water on my face. Refreshing. FF 1 hour. I walk into the diner bathroom with my face covered in bugs. It never rained that night.
I ordered a calzone and after it arrived I kept pressing it against my face saying “it’s warm” over and over. The kicker is, I didn’t even eat it because I fell asleep a few moments later...and I also broke out with acne the next day
Stared at a chair for a solid 30 seconds because I couldn’t remember how to sit down. Then proceeded to kneel on the chair before remembering the butt goes down.
One time i was sitting in the car with my friends and we were getting high and i said to my friend "wow your window is really fucking clean" just to find out the window was rolled all the way down
one time i came home saw something on my wall, thought it was a slug, told my mom its a slug and she was like “no its not” and i “said watch and learn” and threw salt at the wall.... there was no slug it was just a dark spot on the wall
edibles low key scary bruh .. one time i sneezed bout high as fuck n i hear my dog say “bless u” from the other room n i ain’t even question it .. i was like “thank u bud” n a few hours later i’m thinkin bout it n straight up i don’t even own a dog so hol up ..
I was sitting in the dark and tried taking a video of a funny scene on TV, but for some reason the TV was super tiny on my camera. I zoomed in all the way only to realize the camera was facing me and I was seeing the reflection in my glasses.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it."
-Abraham Lincoln
I predict your immediate future is going to be full of memes that will make you laugh all morning long. Sadly this is as far as my psychic abilities go and I have no idea what this week's lottery numbers are.
The Internet's coolest mom, Chrissy Teigen, got some new ink on Thursday and debuted the design on Instagram. It depicts five birthdays, including 12/28/78 (her husband John Legend’s), 4/14/16 (her daughter Luna’s) and 5/16/18 (her son Miles’). Wonderfully sentimental, no? But upon closer examination, some detected a striking similarity to the tattoos Auschwitz prisoners received during the Holocaust. The decision to get numbers tattooed on her forearm was met with pushback on social media.
There are lots of options for people seeking casual sex or dating these days. If you're at all acquainted with Tinder, then you know it's a mixed bag of perverts, introverts, and people so normal it's downright boring. The pervs want to sex you up, the introverts want to chat you up (from behind the safety of their phone), and the normies would be worth dating if they weren't so dull. All in all, Tinder remains the Wild West of dating apps, where it seems that anything within reason goes.
So imagine Niall Taylor's surprise when Tinder deemed his bio inappropriate and removed it for 'sexual content.' The alleged sexual content in question? A quip that's perfectly poised to break the ice and foster conversation. Best of all, it demonstrates Niall's excellent sense of humor. What's more attractive than that?
Anyone who's tried to shed weight post-baby knows it's a challenge. Your body's just gone through the process of gestating and delivering a literal human, so snapping back into shape isn't necessarily its top priority. Once you've risen from the couch, mesh underwear firmly in place, exercise that doesn't involve chasing after kids is barely manageable. So whenever a new mom looks good, I'm impressed - full stop.
Jessica Simpson unveiled a postpartum weight loss of one-hundred pounds last week on Instagram. Wearing a chic black outfit, she emphasized her svelte figure with a belt that cinched her waist. Brb, joining a gym and squeezing myself into old sports bras. Jessica lost the weight in six months after birthing her daughter Birdie Mae. Her husband Eric Johnson is a former NFL player.
As the Internet reeled from Jessica's physical transformation, responses began pouring in. One came from an unexpected and hilarious source: Amy Schumer. The comedian gave birth to her first child, Gene Attell Fischer, in May. She responded to Jessica's announcement with an unfiltered look into her life post-motherhood. It featured her sister, tour manager, and collaborator Kim Caramele.
Jessica responded in kind, saying, 'You’re hot. Size only matters when it comes to men 😜'.
Amy had a difficult pregnancy that interfered with her touring schedule and work commitments. She suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum, which is distinct from morning sickness - and extremely physically taxing. She's been characteristically candid about the experience.
It seems there's no aspect of a wedding not worth fretting over. Based on my highly scientific analysis of social media overshares and advice column letters, getting married isn't worth the stress - or at least having a formal, fancy ceremony isn't. Today in Unnecessary Wedding Stressors we have to manage the emotions of a bride with few female friends - and her insensitive fiancé's actions. Let's observe the dully conventional couple in their natural habitat (and if you're detecting bitterness: yes, I've been single since 2017), shall we?
So my fiancé (30F) and I (33M) have been engaged now for a couple months. We haven’t talked too much about the wedding and all but tonight she brought up our wedding party.
So far, so normal.
I was excited to talk about this because I have many close male friends and a brother. I told her I wanted my 4 childhood friends, my best friend from college and my brother to be my best man.
Ok, that makes sense. Six groomsmen is pretty standard. I'm jealous he still has four childhood friends.
She told me this was way too many people. She had always wanted a small wedding party of 3 each. She wanted to be able to buy kind of expensive gifts for each person we asked to be in the party and she said that having 12 people to buy gifts for was way too much.
Her objection isn't unreasonable, but she's holding back exactly why she's protesting. It's not the gifts, or their price tags.
I told her we could easily afford the gifts she had in mind for 12 people because we both do very well and both had large savings that we would be using for the wedding. This sent her into tears. She got very upset about this and asked me what she was suppose to do, ask strangers to be in her bridal party?
There we go! Finally the reason for discussing this issue at all: the bride doesn't have enough female friends for six bridesmaids. A lopsided wedding party flanking the bride and groom is apparently out of the question.
You see my wife does not have a lot of female friends. She planned her bridal party to be her best friend (only female friend) and her step sister and her 1rst cousin.
Yes.
I felt bad this was upsetting her so badly but I always thought that it was obvious I was going to need these people in my wedding party.
...is it, though? Obvious to the woman who's now upset? Some things need to be communicated, my man.
We argued a little bit until she sarcastically apologized for not having enough friends for me. She went to our room and locked the door still crying and refuses to answer me or open up.
Oof. The contempt is palpable through my laptop screen.
I don’t think I’ve really done anything wrong but when I called my brother and told him he said I was being ass. He told me she was obviously very self conscious about her lack of friends and it was hurting her feelings. I told him I didn’t want to hurt any of my friends feelings by picking between them and he told me didn’t know what to tell me.
AITA for wanting to dig my feet in and make sure all my friends are in my wedding party?
I like the groom's brother. I wonder if he's single and/or a therapist?
EIDT: She does have male friends and she had already shot it down for them being in her party. She says that would look unconventional.
EDIT: Also I just realized I called her wife in my title lol. I meant fiancé. We have been dating for 7 years and I’ve called her my wife before we even got engaged. Sorry!
At this point, it should be clear that I hate both people involved. Reddit weighed in as requested and determined that the groom was TA (the *sshole). Per countmontecristo:
YTA. Well, not an ass, but not very tactful. Straight up tell your friend "look, Jane (or whatever) doesn't have enough people to fill all 6 slots. Each and every one of you means the world to me and I want you all to be at the wedding. Whoever backs out gets a six pack of their favorite beer and dinner on me". Your guy friends want to be there for you, they'll understand.
Edit: probably shouldn't throw your fiance under the bus, just say you both decided on a smaller wedding party
Who's TA in this scenario? And is planning a wedding ever worth it?
