We've all at one point encountered "that guy" or "that girl" in the workplace. Maybe they're the coworker who makes smelly food, has personal conversations on speakerphone, and gets too hammered at every holiday party.

In some cases, they say wildly inappropriate things to their peers, overshare about their sex lives, and even bring drugs or alcohol to the workplace. Regardless of whether they're harmless or mildly terrifying, accidentally awkward or intentionally trolling, "that guy" always manages to give the workplace a bounty of stories that survive longer than their actual careers.

In a popular Reddit thread, user koosh12 asked people to share anecdotes about "that guy" or "that girl" in their workplace, and the stories quickly flooded in.

1. OP kicked it off with a tribute to Stan.

I used to work inside sales at a hvac company just outside of Toronto. There was a guy there named Stan. Stan was money. He tried so hard to be social but didn't quite know what he was doing, which often lead to hilarity. Here are a few examples of Stan being Stan :

Upon learning a coworker was Polish, he said "you're a Pollock!?!?! " then told her every anti Polish joke he knew. He genuinely thought she would find it funny and he was laughing the whole time.

After not getting a promotion after his review (there were no positions for him to move into nor was he anywhere near qualified) he created a petition to have our sales manager fired and went around to everyone in each department and asked them to sign it. Nobody signed it except for him.

My favorite was at a company BBQ. Stan and one of the guys from shipping decided to do mushrooms. The BBQ was at the president of the company's house so this was wildly inappropriate. After about 45 mins he was going around from person to person shouting "go g-men!!" To the guys (he was a NY giants fan and the season just started) and asked the girls to dance with him. He then told a racist joke to the 65 year old VP and laughed so hard at his own joke that he started drooling.

I miss that guy sometimes. He made work a hell of a lot more interesting. So Reddit, tell me stories about that guy or girl in your office that spices things up a little for better or worse.

EDIT #1: Another Stan story. Stan and I were at a co-workers place with a few other guys and were having some beers, some smoke and watching a hockey game. It was second intermission and Stan was a wreck, he doesn't handle his smoke well. He was making samosas in our co-workers oven, and decided he wanted to make himself a cesar. He took the cap off the clamato, turned to talk to me about something and while talking to me started to shake the clamato juice... with the lid off. Juice everywhere, but he cleaned it all up and had a mound of paper towels on top of the stove.

The oven dings, his samosas are ready. He opens the oven door, but needs to clear off the paper towels from the stovetop so he can put the cookie sheet down. He stood there staring at the situation for well over a minute, totally confused as to how he was going to get out of this pickle. I gave him a plastic bag to put the dirty paper towels in, so the stovetop would be cleaned off, problem solved. "Good idea, thanks man" says Stan.

Nope. Stan then used the plastic bag as an oven mitt and picked up the hot cookie sheet out of the oven with nothing but a thin plastic bag between his hand and the hot metal. The bag instantly melted to his hands and he burned himself pretty bad, smashing the sheet against the wall. Samosas everywhere. We had to take him to the hospital but we were all way too drunk to drive so we all walked 15 mins to the ER.

**Edit 2: ** Wow, front page, this is crazy!

Thanks to those below for pointing out that the correct term (racial slur?!) is "Polack" and not "Pollock" which is, as I've come to learn, a piece of Minimalist Abstract Art or a Fish. This would explain why my phone autocorrected it to that spelling, and I'm actually kind of disappointed because I thought my phone came pre-loaded with all ethnic slurs out of the box.

To those who noted about not driving to the hospital; of course we would do the responsible thing. It turned out way better that way. Stan was drunk enough that he didn't notice the pain much once we started walking. We kept asking him for high 5's (he wouldn't fall for it), and he told us he felt the melted bag pieces stuck to his hand made him look like the Ultimate Warrior from wrestling.

**Edit 3: **

I should clarify something. This isn't about someone who is inappropriately mean, or quiet or otherwise quirky. It's about someone eccentric who always makes for great stories. We're all odd in our own way, just some of us are better at hiding it than others. It's what's behind the social mask that makes us unique, and that's a beautiful thing, but when someone doesn't care to wear it things are often spontaneously hilarious. This isn't about malice, or hatred towards someone, it's about loving someone who makes for good stories. If we had negative feelings towards Stan, we would have told him to GTFO and find his own way to the hospital, and not to touch anything with his gross melty hand on the way out.

tl;dr: Go back to the top and read, you have to chew your food before you swallow.

2. gaqua is forever amused by Roger.

A guy at my work, let's call him Roger, claimed you can get "high octane racing fuel" by mixing 89 Octane and 93 Octane gas in your tank.

Roger told me, on my first day here, 7 years ago, that if I wanted to know any good asian massage parlors nearby, he'd recommend the "good" ones with the happy endings. First day at work.

He used to watch webcam girls from the Philippines on his desktop at work - stripping, doing other unsavory things, etc. Then he went over and married one and now she lives here. She's half his age and probably less than half his size.

He took a Filipino co-worker to see his buddy's band at a local bar - turns out it was a biker bar frequented by a lot of some kind of Aryan Nation-style bikers. The co-worker told me that there were signs up extolling the virtues of white supremacy, and that everyone was glaring at him the entire time he was in the bar. When he pointed it out, Roger just laughed and said "I come here all the time it's no big deal."

Roger snores through meetings.

Roger at one time had some kind of narcolepsy or something, and would fall asleep in his cube. Co-workers frequently threw things at him to wake him up.

The weird thing is - he's actually a pretty nice guy. If you got arrested or something, and called him at 3am to come bail you out, he'd do it, even if he'd only met you once, for like 10 minutes. He's very friendly and sociable - he's just really strange.

3. DavidisGoliath's coworker has pet squirrels.

A direct quote: "I woke up on an old mattress next to my boyfriend's brother, in an abandoned church, wearing a bikini, in Tuscaloosa. And that was the first time I'd ever done Xanax."

She also brought a pink briefcase full of dildos to work (at a law firm) because she had a sex toy party to host later in the evening.

She lived in a house that didn't have a kitchen. She has 2 pet squirrels, and her husband plays in an awful nu-metal band.

She also crushes pills up on her desk with her keys and snorts them when she thinks no one is looking.

4. missnixon was shook by their coworker's buzzed head.

Working in an open concept office where we used an instant messenger to communicate. One day working late, it's only myself and That Guy. He disappeared for 20 minutes then came back, but I didn't notice much. He types to me "Hey do you like my haircut?" and I look over and he has just LOCKED eyes with me after shaving his head with a razor in the bathroom.

5. SamuelLChang has gotten used to Tim's tantrums.

Used to work with a guy who was an excellent engineer but frequently subject to fits of rage when things didn't go well with what he was working on. Picture the scene: typical cubical farm with engineers hard at work and the only sound you hear is the sound of tapping on keyboards.

Suddenly, the sound of hysterical angry cursing and someone slamming their keyboard on the desk repeatedly. Everyone leaps to their feet in alarm like a coterie of prairie dogs scanning the room for the source of the noise. Almost at once, everyone realizes that it's just Tim having another tantrum, smiles at each other and quietly sits back down. Later our secretary walks over to his office with a new keyboard, puts it on his desk without a word and then walks back.

6. DigitalLD has a coworker who has cracked the student loan code.

A woman at my company has decided instead of paying on her student loans, she will simply get more degrees. She's 40+, on her 4th masters degree, and does nothing but complain about school work all day. Probably at least a hundred k in debt.

No comprendo.

7. toinfinitiandbeyond hopes John is okay.

"That Guy" at my current company is John.

John is a conspiracy theorist he believes that the anti-theft RFID things at the doors of Walmart are designed to scan your credit cards and the metal strip in money in your wallet to see how much money you have to spend.

John talks about secret CIA trains that run in tunnels under the city.

John used to work for a cell phone company and tells us stories of how he installed scanners on light poles on nearly every major road to scan for a unique identifier that all vehicles emit for government tracking purposes.

John believes the building we work in has chemicals applied to HVAC system which is making us more compliant with government programs.

John will never use his ATM card to buy meals because he doesn't want the government to track what he eats.

John calls a $20 bill a yuppy meal coupon (I actually thought that one was funny)

Ice cream is called whipped lard.

Eating at Panda Express is eating "an endangered species meal".

John once told me about his collection of different sized rubber gloves he has at home. He has a pair that go up to his shoulders for cleaning the bathroom.

Sadly John quit a few months ago. On the day he quit he sat in his car in the parking garage for 4 hours before he worked up the guts to call his boss on the phone and quit. He instructed that his desk be boxed up and sent to his home. No one has heard from John since.

EDIT: Just thought of some more. John also believed that all major leaders of the world belonged to the same family tree.

Also our building has anti-earthquake devices attached to it so the building shakes gently every so often. John claimed that the shakes were the CIA shooting mind control beams up from their underground trains.

John believes our secretary at the front desk keeps a log of when John entered and left the building.

Most days John would ride the train to work and every so often he would say, "better stay indoors they are spraying again." Spraying mind control drugs that is.

EDIT2: I forgot to mention that he made custom tin foil hats that he used to sell on the web. Unfortunately I don't have a link. He also made Jester hats with detachable bells so you could wash them without the bells getting rusty from the water.

8. p4warrior is just glad Paul hasn't been fired.

My good friend Paul works in the warehouse at our company. He's gotten into every sort of trouble imaginable: he tipped a towering stack of construction materials over the back of our yard's wall, he slammed the forklift into one of our delivery trucks when he dozed off, he's gone to the wrong construction site a hundred miles away from the intended delivery site. But he's a genuinely good-hearted guy, and the company's had mercy on him. He's still with us. Tons of funny stories always coming out of the warehouse from this guy.

The highlight:

Paul's an Iron Maiden fan, and he's always singing while he works. Well, one day, Paul decides to sing a parody version of "Caught Somewhere in Time" with the clever lyrics of "Caught With Shaft in Hand." So he's just belting these inappropriate lyrics out as he moseys over towards the will-call counter. Who should walk in but one of the sales directors, giving a tour of the warehouse to a new (female) salesperson.

Paul rounds the corner, contiuning the chorus with, "CAAAAUGHT WITH SHAAAAFT IN HAAAAAA...." and bumps into the sales director. He plays if off like nothing happened, shakes his hand and the hand of the new employee, who are both giving him odd looks. To add to the hilarity, when they finally depart, we notice his fly's been down the entire time.

9. mostlyambivalent has "that family" working at their job.

I'm not even sure where to start. We have "that family" working in our warehouse. It's a mother and her son and daughter. The son was recently fired for reasons that I will get to in a moment. They are as white trash as you can possibly be. Think of all the stereotypes and you will have thought of them. So here's the laundry list:

The Mother: Married to a guy that has dementia and 13 stints in his heart. They have filed medical bankruptcy 3 times. Most recently, her husband tried to kill himself but ended up only shooting himself in the shoulder. She always wears t-shirts with sayings that she thinks are clever like, God Don't Make No Trash and My Give a Damn is Busted.

To really put the icing on the white trash cake, she smokes Pall Mall's. She and her children commute to work together but every other month their car gets repossessed so they end up getting a new sh*tty vehicle. No one is sure how they pull that off, what with all the bankruptcies and other bad credit issues. She watches EVERY reality show and wants to talk about them with anyone who will listen and doesn't understand when you tell her that you don't watch whatever it is she's talking about. So You Think You Can Dance is a prime example.

The Daughter: She smoked through all 4 of her pregnancies, claiming that her mother smoked when she was pregnant with her and she turned out fine. she lives in a trailer but gets pissed if you call it a trailer because it's on a permanent foundation. She has a tourettes type head twitch and blinking thing going on, kind of like Jose Canseco. Come to think of it, she sort of looks like Canseco. She has no neck; just a head that suddenly becomes shoulders.

She is constantly broke but spends every available penny on sending her 2 daughters to beauty pageants and then makes everyone in the company look at the pageant photos. Surprisingly, they have actually won a few. I would hate to see what the rest of the competition looked. We know she has some sort of psychosis because she has to be medicated at all times. If not, she sees and hears shit that isn't there. This has lead to her hiding under her desk screaming and crying. She also has some other medical condition that causes her to always to be on her period. We know this because she makes us uncomfortable by talking about it all the time.

Once, her husband showed up at our office and while he was waiting for her, he told us that if he had known how crazy she was he would have never married her, let alone had kids. To boot, she has 4 wiener dogs. One of which, she claims is an attack dog that actually fended off a burglar. It was a very elaborate story that ended with a wiener dog launching himself off of the couch and into the burglar's face drawing blood. No one was apprehended so if you see anyone with the tell-tale signs of wienie dog attack please notify the authorities.

The Son: He always has the worst gas known to man. He was inside of a shipping container unloading products with some of our other employees when he kept farting, which ultimately made them all throw up. It was ghastly! While talking to him one day, he stuck his hand down the back of his pants and said watch this. He then stuck his finger under his mom's nose and told her to sniff. He apparently stuck his finger in his ass because his mom threw up. He then repeated the process with his sister before she could be warned. He had to miss a month of work due to a riding lawn mower explosion. He claimed he had been "blowed up". He lives in a trailer on his mom's property but doesn't have electricity so they just run extension cords from her trailer.

He had a boil on his arm that was believed to be a staph infection and his mother lanced it with a box cutter. It was disgusting! He had a habit of wrecking our forklift and one day drove it off the loading dock. The forks went into the asphalt about 10 inches and we had to get a special wrecker to come pull it out. A short time after that, he backed into one of the support beams in the warehouse knocking it completely out from under the roof. the beam was at least 30 feet long and it's amazing that no one was injured.

Sometimes I would find him sleeping, hidden behind pallets in our warehouse during work hours. Eventually, his sister ratted him out for being drunk on the job all the time, which explained all the forklift mishaps. When confronted by his mother about the drinking, he went crazy and tried to beat her and his sister with a baseball bat. Other employees intervened and we called the cops. He took off on foot and was apprehended later that day, vowing to get even with all of us for calling the cops (his mom didn't want us to call them but what the f*ck ever; he was wielding a bat). Needless to say he doesn't work here anymore.

There is so much more but those are just some of the highlights that I can think of off the top of my head.

10. dd4y's coworker frightened newbies with his privates.

I worked at a mine in northern Manitoba. One of the old miners was a guy named Jack Bones (not made up).

Jack was known for having the largest penis around. Every night when the miners come up from underground, they shower before going home in large open shower rooms.

Whenever there was a new rookie working there, Jack would make a point of showering beside him. He would lather up his privates with soap and then proceed to use a huge floor scrubbing brush to scrub his dick, thereby giving himself a huge boner and stand as close as possible to the rookie. On several occasions the guys just never returned.

11. Kryz167's coworker Kurt just wanted to watch the world burn.

At my last job we had a couple. I'll go with the one story that translates best to type.

So we'll call him Kurt. If Kurt wasn't gay, then he had everyone in the company fooled. No one cared, mind you; it's just an important detail to this story. He was regularly referred to as a b*tch.

Kurt was the kind of guy that would pick a "target" and then very openly flirt with that guy for a while. It didn't matter how straight, married, or uninterested you were, Kurt was going to get his flirt on. When my one friend grew a goatee, Kurt went up to him and said something along the lines of "Oo I like this" and stroked his face.

Another time my other friend was in the kitchen heating up his lunch when Kurt walked in. I was in earshot of the kitchen so I heard this all going on. First Kurt asks him to get his lunch from the fridge for him. Naturally it's on the bottom shelf and my friend being the unconditionally nice person he is, obliged. I'm already laughing so hard for the blatant and stereotypical office sexual harassment situation, but then Kurt took it to a whole other leveling proving he's a pro.

Now he has to explain why he's unable to bend over and get his own lunch. It's because his testicles are swollen to the size of grapefruits. The graphic description is accompanied with hand gestures down by his groin to give a really solid visual. Kurt went on for no less than 5 minutes talking about how big and sensitive his balls are. It was glorious. My poor friend is too nice to just say "Gross dude" and walk away, so he's trying to walk away with lunch in hand without being a dick. By the time he got back to his cube, I had tears in my eyes and my face was red from trying not to laugh out loud. This has set the bar as greatest thing I've seen in a professional environment.

12. corrupted_one is pretty sure their coworker was trolling.

I worked with a guy who put up a very small picture on his cubicle wall of a political figure that killed millions of people. A coworker finally noticed it and we all started talking about it, many of us thinking it is similar to having a picture of Hitler. Since we were all mellow programmers, we said fuck it and moved on. But every few weeks or so, he would replace it with a slightly bigger picture than the last. At one point, it was taking up most of the cubicle wall. They guy was a very nice person, so maybe he was just trolling us.

13. obliviious kept track of all Pete's lies.

That guy at our place was Pete. He was great, he was a chronic liar, it got so bad we actually started writing down the things he "did".

To be fair some of these things happened, but most are things he claims:

Pete has a property empire consisting of 24 houses

Pete will sell his houses in 10 years and make £1 million

Pete is an airline pilot.

Pete used to be a courier and made £1000 a week and retired due to stress

He used to have a wireless ISP in the south

He has a further 36 houses

He once beat up someone and the police turned up and thanked him.

Pete used to have a Rover 600, the 1.8 litre engine was so powerfull he would regularly win street races with it, It is now sat in a garage in Bristol for when he needs it.

Pete was a lorry driver

Pete is a volunteer custody inspector for the police.

Pete now has 64 houses.

Pete once threw a punch at someone, missed, cracked the wall and knocked a brick out.

Some kids stole his scooter once, then he found them and broke their knees.

He now says he found them in the pub, bought them a drink, so they knew, he knew.

Pete spent 10 years as a DJ for Radio Bristol

Pete runs a webcam website, describing himself as a porn king euroxxxcams.com. Whenever one of "his girls" cams with someone he makes £3

He used to be Scott Mills PA at real radio

Pete is an officially ordained priest

He has a class 2 license for lorries, they are apparently very easy to turn

Pete belongs to martial arts fight club and has tournament training on Wednesday nights

When there was a forum post about blood donations, Pete managed to end the thread with this gem:

"I am not sure if I should go. The last time I went they took 1/2 a pint and told me it was being thrown away as it was no good. So I haven't bothered since and that was about 13 years ago."

Pete's wife was made redundant from the nursery she worked at. So Pete bought it.

Pete once came into work after is karate/fight club championship in ripped a tracksuit from ankle to crotch, he offered to show us how far the rip went.

Pete grew up 5 doors down from Tony Robinson.

Pete told us the domain name for TNT (the delivery company) was about to expire, he said he nearly got it, but they renewed it before it expired. He said he would sell it back for £1 million.

When he was a lorry driver, he killed several students by knocking them down. This was also a well known area for suicidal students who failed their exams.

We pointed out to Pete his trousers were falling down. Pete said it was because he had lost 4 stone in the 1 1/2 weeks, but looked exactly the same.

An a night shift he was talking all night about he was going to London to visit "his friend" Lacey turner (from east enders). He even "called her" and was heard leaving a voicemail saying "Hi it's my pete lacey love, I'll be there soon" etc...

On another night shift Pete was talking about his wife, and ended up talking about how they were splitting up because she couldn't satisfy him sexually.

Without fail Pete always downloads a terrabyte of data a month.

14. michfreak will not miss "that guy" at all.

Our guy only recently got fired. One of the conclusions we had eventually reached about him was that he was completely incapable of feeling empathy, which is not really the best person to have as your main customer support representative, but that was what he had been hired to be. He was mostly frightening in that position because he never stopped smiling or being cheerful, even if the customer was freaking out at him or he was bored out of his mind. This in itself doesn't call for alarm, but he was a strange dude:

On his second week in the office he found out that there weren't any dentists that provide ozone therapists in our city, so he took two days off and drive to a nearby city in order to get his teeth ozoned

He would ask "How was your weekend?" in the most interested voice you could imagine, inflection perfect with Tobias Funke asking "How ARE you?" You could tell him, sure, with him exploding into laughter at every event that happened, no matter what it was. If you asked him how his weekend was, he would be extremely sure it was a great weekend, but then wouldn't be able to recall exactly what he did. Ever.

After a month of working there he started complaining that our insurance company, which he wouldn't receive benefits for until he had been there for three months, didn't cover his ozone therapy.

He kept a steamer-crockpot-thing in the break room and steamed a mixture of carrots and spinach every single morning which he would then eat out of a bowl at around 10am. The smell was atrocious and everyone complained about it the first day he did it, until we found out someone was making that horrible smell on purpose. He called it borscht for unknown reasons, which our Russian salesman nearly flipped out over every time the word came up.

He was kind of an idiot when it came to support, as well. We have a support ticket system that handles all of our clients for all of the different services we offer. He actually had copy pasta that he was putting into every single ticket with a lot of idiotic troubleshooting steps that didn't apply to 75% of our clientele. When someone called in to report our support center was down, he asked them to submit a support ticket about it.

He overall was a bit of a know-it-all, being very good at selling clients things that they didn't need and would later complain they spent thousands of dollars on. By the time he was fired, clients would call in and immediately ask to be forwarded to sales, even for stupid support issues, just so they wouldn't have to talk to him.

He's not as bad as some people's "that guy", but by the time he was fired everyone in the office was being driven up the wall. Our number of support tickets submitted this past month are at 50% of what they were last year, after a steady increase for the rest of the year, and I'm fairly certain it's his fault.

EDIT: Another thing that is completely inexcusable. We had, as I stated, a Russian salesperson. Let's say his name was "Boris". Boris had a bit of an accent, but had lived in America for most of his life. He pronounced his name, or at least his name in this parallel example, "Bore-is". Support Guy insisted on it being "Bore-ees". We were all too polite to correct him, but he knew it was wrong. He knew it. Because once, by coincidence, I laughed at something on my computer just after Support Guy said "Boris". Immediately Support Guy says "Oh, I pronounce it that way because that's the proper way to say it." Out of nowhere, he says this.

And on the subject of Boris, Support Guy spelled his name "Borris". No idea why. Two Rs. He was corrected every single time. "Sorry, I forgot." Support Guy worked there for seven months. Seven months of too many Rs.

15. Serendipitee remembers to give "that guy" a chance, since some of the best people seem strange to others.

I doubt anybody will see this, as late as I am, but I feel compelled to share.

Don't discount "that guy" too quickly. An old friend of mine used to share stories about a coworker that would always say and do wildly inappropriate things, much along the lines of the OPs examples and including picking food off said friend's plate in the break room (uninvited, of course). My friend was nice to the guy anyway, despite the annoyances, and considered him a friend.

Anyway, long story short, my friend died suddenly one day after he'd quit his job with "that guy" a while back. The guy was on his Facebook friends and ended up producing quite an outpouring of feelings and sympathy with the family and friends of the deceased. He would note every time he drove by my friend's old house or anything, and not obnoxiously, but in a very genuine and caring way. He was very kind and supportive to all of us that were grieving. He obviously was a very caring and friendly individual, just totally socially inept.

The moral of the story? Some of those guys are just totally weird, but some are actually really nice people that just don't know how to interact well. Give them a chance and you might make an invaluable friend for life (and death). This guy was far more loyal than the trite "normal" people my friend had worked with, some of which made brief and non-sentimental remarks on his death. "That guy" seemed to be the only one that was really, truly affected by it.

tl;dr socially inept nerds have feelings too.

16. dmorin eventually snapped on their know it all coworker.

Several jobs ago, we had "know it all guy" who, no matter the context, had a story. This included the time when we were discussing, with some Russian engineers, what it meant to stand in a food line. KnowItAllGuy tried to answer the question. We're all like, dude, when the frick were you in a Russian food line? Shut up and let him answer.

Favorite, though, had to be the discussion of where to go for lunch. The discussion included a couple of H1B guys who were quite literally straight over from India. The idea of an Indian restaurant came up. "The food at that place is no good," they said.

"Yes it is," said KnowItAllGuy, who I think had been the one that suggested the place.

"Not really, no," they said, in that polite way, and suggested other places.

KnowItAllGuy dismisses other places. "No, really, this place is the closest to the real authentic Indian food."

Finally I had enough and said, "KnowItAllGuy, listen! These guys were just there a month ago. They lived there all their lives! When they say that something is just like Mom used to make, they mean it! We're going to take their opinion on this one."

17. theclassicoversharer will never forget Airika.

I was a stripper in an all nude club in West Virginia for 4 years. It was a nice inside. However, it was located behind a truckstop. As you can imagine, that place attracted a large number of "those girls". One of them, my friend and I refer to as "Dumb Airika". ( We had a few friends named Erica at the time and we didn't want anyone to get confused). She had an ok body, but her face looked like a female version of Robert Englund wearing four pounds of blue eyeshadow. And dumb as a box of hair.

-Dumb Airika (yes, that's how she spelled it) had the WORST lisp. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was prone to say things like, "I'm thek-thier than her. I'm the thtar of the bar!" I heard that she would tell people outside of work and thought she was a sort of local celebrity.

She entered Miss Hawaiian Tropic (a beauty contest that a lot of strippers enter)and came back to work telling everyone she had won, even though the results were listed in the news paper and it was pretty obvious that she didn't win.

-She had no idea that being a stripper may not be an acceptable subject with every person that she came into contact. I ran into Dumb Airika at the grocery store while shopping with my mom and she introduced herself as "the Erotic Egthotic Airika". My mom did not know I was a stripper at the time and as a stipper, you should always assume that, when you see a coworker with someone who might be their parent.

The next day, airika showed up to work with a decal across the top of her car windshield that said "erotic airika." That's when i really freaked out because it occurred to me that she was able to successfully pass the driver's exam.

-Dumb Airika didn't know how to use a tampon. I tried to explain it, using the material provided in the box but was unsuccessful. Because you can't take a week per month off from work, inserting a tampon and learning to tuck in the string is a incredibly important skill to have when working in an all nude club.

Anyway, it's pretty normal to have someone check your hoo-ha, right before you go on stage, for any toilet paper remnants, lint, strings, etc. that might glow bright blue in the black light. (That is embarrassing!)

She has me check to make sure her string is tucked in one day. She bends over and her tampon string is not out. HALF OF THE TAMPON IS HANGING HALF WAY OUT OF HER VAGINA! And she can't tell if it's showing or not! She was getting called out to dance, so I told her to maybe leave her underwear on for this one as she was walking out on stage. I walk out onto the floor and all the guys were staring at the stage with funny looks on their faces. There she is, first song, legs spread, with her glowing tampon flapping in the breeze. She did that ALL the time.

-Another time I tried to talk to her about her tampon issue. It was scaring away customers. She looked me in the eye and said "if they athk me what it ith. I jutht tell them it'th a puthy glowthtick And they believe me. Ain't that great?!" I don't think anyone believed her.

Later i found out that she had a twin.

18. Divot437 found out what Bill was like way too quick.

'That guy' was named Bill and here were a few things he did in his first week:

Upon finding out a temp was a dancer, says "Oh, you must be part of Alvin Ailey (an African-American dance company in NYC). She was black, so to him there must be no other dance company she would be part of.

After hearing I received straight As in my post-grad classes that semester, said "You typical Asian" in front of the Vice Chairman of the company.

Asked a pregnant co-worker whether they went through IVF because her husband or her were the one who had the problem in front of about five of us while she was sitting at her cubicle.

Like I said, that was his first week.

19. Pepe__Sylvia used to argue with their "guy" but now just lets it be.

At my job, "that guy" believes every single conspiracy theory that ever existed. He seems to think that the stranger, more outlandish explanation for anything is often the correct one.

911 was an inside job. We never went to the moon. Free energy exists and is being kept secret by big oil. The government is knowingly poisoning it's soldiers by forcing them to use depleted uranium bullets. He's shown me a youtube video he uploaded of a picture of Saturn where the camera just zooms in on a certain spot where there is a couple of straight lines.

He says these lines are evidence that some kind of man made structure has been built there. He discovered this by himself which means he must be meticulously pouring over images of other planets for some sign of life. One of our more recent arguments was about tectonic plates, what causes earthquakes and how continents move over time. He says tectonic plates don't exist and explained to me something called the Expanding Earth theory. Even though this theory is old and has been "rejected by the scientific consensus," he still subscribes to it.

I used to argue with the guy often about all his crazy theories but after awhile I realized that you can't really argue with crazy and now I just nod my head and smile.

20. Narmie wishes they knew less about their coworker's sex life.

Oh sweet Jesus. This is probably gonna end up buried, but I need to get it off my chest anyway.

I used to work at a women's clothing store. One of my first shifts, I was closing with a young supervisor. She seemed okay until the manager left. Then she sat on the floor, took out her phone and started texting people. Whatever. We weren't busy.

After about 20 minutes of this, she suddenly stops texting, looks at me, and asks me if I'm 'okay with sexual stuff.' I didn't really know what she meant at first, so I just kind of shrugged and tried to keep myself busy.

She asks me again, only the second time she actually elaborates and asks me if I'm okay with talking about sex. (Once again, first time I've EVER MET HER)

Being the new girl--I didn't want to rock the boat, so I tell her that yeah, sex talk doesn't bother me (because it doesn't--do I prefer to talk about it with close friends in less of a work environment... yeah. But whatever).

Wrong move. As soon as I tell her I'm okay with sex talk, she starts loudly talking about how she recently had sex with a friend of hers, and now she has Chlamydia.

This was her favorite topic of discussion for the next four weeks or so. Her chlamydia. She made it total common knowledge. She even told some of our customers--which two of us found out one afternoon when an older woman approached us and asked us if we could help her instead because 'that girl over there won't stop talking about her STDs.'

Has........Meghan McCain seen the end of Game of Thrones?

On Monday, a grateful nation watched as the conservative political analyst was told off by her fellow View co-host, Whoopi Goldberg.

"Girl, please stop talking," Whoopi said, instantly earning a second EGOT.

In response, McCain tweeted out a greeting to her "fellow conservative 'girls' who won’t be quiet," featuring a GIF one of television's most famous blonde narcissists who spent eight years shouting about who her father is.

If you missed how Game of Thrones ended—sorry, but the spoiler embargo was lifted months ago—Dany was assassinated by her nephew-lover after committing war crimes. She burned King's Landing to the ground with dragonfire, murdering thousands of civilians in what critics have compared to Harry Truman dropping the atomic bomb on Hiroshima.

The jokes pretty much write themselves.

Meghan probably should have taken Whoopi's advice and stopped talking.

Here's the thing: kids are dumb as hell. Yes, "their brains are still developing." Sure, calling a child with a developing brain "dumb" is reductive and harmful, but we've all thought it at some points. Hanging out with children is like hanging out with Norm from Cheers during last call, except with a lot less complaining about his wife. Which is to say, children are basically cuter drunk people, with less war stories and a lot more stupid questions.

While it's only natural for children to say or do absurd things as they discover how the world works, there are some stories that truly outdo the rest.

In a recent Reddit thread, parents shared the stupidest things their kids have done, and from the sounds of it, these kids will never live down these stories.

1. ZooBitch doesn't eat their kid's ramen for a reason.

My son has microwaved ramen noodles with no water A FEW TIMES. Just so you know, they are flammable and smoke horribly and turn your microwave an awful yellow color.

2. GFY_EH hopes their son is okay.

Me waking into the bathroom to check on my 4 year old son having a bath:

"Why are you smashing your penis with that (toy) hammer?"

3. Purdygreen's son tries to blame invisible siblings.

My son, who was 8 at the time, and an only child, carved his very long name into the toliet seat. Then claimed he didn't do it. Lol.

4. Pm_me_what's child is adventurous with their mouth.

I'm amazed at how many times I've had to say "don't lick that".

5. ellemenopeaqu's daughter doesn't know how jackets work.

My daughter insists wearing a jacket will make her cold because she only wears it when she is cold.

EDIT: Thank you for the silver strangers!

6. PiBBzYx's brother wasn't good at the blame game.

My older brother carved my name into the side of my mums car with a rock for whatever reason and tried to blame it on me.

7. the-magnific*nt's child selectively fact checks children's movies.

My toddler watched at least an hour of an animated movie populated entirely by talking animals. Suddenly, a giraffe came onscreen and said something. My kid stood up, pointed at the TV, and angrily yelled, "What?! Giraffes can't talk!"

8. zw12065's daughter claimed a squirrel messed up the kitchen.

My 12 year old daughter blamed a squirrel when we asked how the Borax for her slime projects moved from the garage to the kitchen counter. It's so fulfilling to go from "I'm pretty sure you're lying", to "100% I know you're lying"

9. MothsAreJustAsGood's brother almost killed himself (on accident).

When my brother was around six, he decided he wanted to play Tarzan with a cord hanging in his room. However, the cord kept slipping from his hand, so he decided to swing with it around his neck instead. My poor grandmother walked into the room to find her grandchild apparently trying to hang himself!

10. RainbowUnicornLeader's daughter has high hopes for the future.

Our daughter. When asked what she wanted to be when she grows up answered: “I want to be a strawberry, but if that’s too hard I want to be purple”... The color purple. The fruit strawberry. She was five.

11. SiliconSam's little brother ran away from Frankenstein.

When I was a kid, my little brother woke up and thought he saw Frankenstein walking down our hallway in the middle of the night.

He took off running in his underwear, out the door, down the block, several blocks really. A couple picked him up maybe 4 blocks away and brought him home. He was on his way to my Grandmother’s trailer a good half mile away.

Kicker was, the Frankenstein he saw was my Grandmother who was staying with us that night. Took a while to live that one down.

12. scruit's son has inventive plumbing solutions.

My son, at age 10...

I was trying to figure out why my shower was draining so slowly and wound up pulling the drain strainer out. Inside I found a bunch of brown paper goop. It took me a while to figure out what it was. I went to my son and asked him:

"Did you tear up a toilet paper tube into little pieces and cram those pieces down the drain in the shower?"

"Yes."

"Ok. (*brain fries*) How about not?"

"Sure."

13. gud_spelller's child saved water from a storm.

When a sudden rainstorm hit our campsite, my 11 year old rescued a full water bucket from the rain and put it under the canopy to keep it dry.

14. Jenkem_of_the_Masses's child undid his own work.

My 4 yo son just the other day spilled his water bottle on the floor. I told him to get paper towels to wipe it up. He does. Then I told him to throw the towels in the trash. He wrings them back out onto the floor before he throws them in the trash. <facepalm>

15. Mr_Frible's son is at war with the cat.

When I caught him peeing in the doorway of his room at the age of 5. His reason? " Cause I don't want the kitty coming into my room."

16. PeepDragon44 poisoned themselves.

I was that kid. My parents took my siblings and I to a greenhouse garden; everyone was on their best behavior until I got the sudden urge to lick some foamy stuff off of a window. I was always a good kid, never caused any trouble but for whatever reason I had this compulsion to lick this foamy stuff off the window. Poison control had to be called, my parents were frantic, it was an ordeal. I was anaphylactic to milk at the time too, and I was definitely old enough to know better.

17. LJGHunter's kid needs a new trick.

"Hey mommy, wanna see a trick?"

"Sure honey, show me a trick."

Kid runs around in circles to build up momentum, very deliberately crashes head first into the wall then falls down and starts crying.

"...good trick, sweety."

18. Blanchdog didn't understand why they couldn't see their own eyes.

One time my Mom asked me what color my eyes were so I started looking around trying to see them.

19. PearENormal's sister wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.

When my sister was 18 she was planning a trip to California after HS graduation. She spent several days calling banks to get the exchange rate for money because somehow she was absolutely convinced that regular US currency in Pennsylvania was not usable in California. She thought the banks were all lying to her that it was the same money. I am surprised she even FOUND California!

20. count_frightenstein's son took the Axe challenge to another level.

When the Axe challenge was a thing. Apparently, you spray Axe over the front of your shirt, light it on fire, then take the shirt off. I think that's it. Anyway, this genius gets his arm stuck or something as he pulled the shirt off inside out so, of course, the fire is now burning his face.

He gets it off with the help of his friends and gets taken to the hospital with 2nd degree burns by his friend's mother because he was staying over. That was a fun phone call to get at 3am. "Dad, I'm okay but I had an accident and Karen has taken me to the hospital to get treated. I told her it wasn't a big deal but she made me call".

I was like 4 years old and couldn't write yet.

Stars: They're just like us! They follow celebrities on Instagram!

The account Comments by Celebrities does the public service of keeping track of all the celeb-on-celeb conversations. Here are the best ones from 2019.

1. Chrissy Teigen doesn't have a time machine.

2. Selma Blair approves of Kim Kardashian's Elle Woods cosplay.

3. Adam DeVine inspired Liam Hemsworth to find out what a thirst trap is.

4. Hilary Duff's fiancé can't wait to be with Lizzie McGuire.

5. Courtney Love is thirsty for the cop.

6. Jennifer Aniston FINALLY admits to being on a break.

7. Mandy Moore doesn't want Chasten Buttigieg to face her TV husband's fate.

8. Blake Lively is happy to be married to her husband.

9. John Legend gets the message.

10. Rest assured, Zach Braff has ejaculated in Italy.

11. Sansa PLEASE!

12. Thank u, next.

13. The only thing better than a Wonder Woman doll is Wonder Woman herself.

14. Naomi Watts has got butthole jokes.

15. Jennifer Garner is threatened by the cuteness.

16. Kate Beckinsale with breaking news.

17. David Arquette comes clean.

18. Would absolutely see this movie.

19. Andy Cohen can't resist the power of J.Lo.

20. Katie Couric respects the art of the clitoris joke.

21. You know the joke is good when the subject doesn't know it's a joke.

22. Gwenyth Paltrow has good taste.

All couples fight — even super hot famous ones.

Chrissy Teigen shared screenshots and details of a fight with her husband, John Legend, after he invited hes co-workers to their house, and followers are loving it.

The issue: this was the night of their season finale, and Chrissy didn't prepare a meal that she found adequately celebratory.

"U don't win the voice then eat short ribs," she wrote.

She went on to explain that this behavior is "very John."

She also shared text messages that are way too relatable.

Here's the screenshot, with Chrissy's texts in green and John's sullen response in white:

People are laughing at the fact that Chrissy called John, one of the most decorated people in showbiz, "not good at anything."

It is a little harsh.

Chrissy also lamented the fact that her husband "does not know how to be extra."

Fans related hard.

Chrissy was also stressed about her wardrobe for this soirée.

And she stressed that one of them will have just won the season, so celebrations will be in order.

She ended up ordering five cakes just to be safe (and John turned up with one).

Then, a fan tried to prove John actually had told Chrissy about the dinner.

And she clarified that she knew about the dinner, but didn't know it was the show's finale.

But it looks like the dinner ended up going well, and Chrissy even learned a new thing.

Parents are proud of their kids, we get it. But some parents take it a little too far — and one woman is bravely considering confronting a photo-happy mom on the eve of her child's birthday.

A woman wrote to the people of Reddit for advice on how to deal with her sister-in-law's penchant for waterboarding the fam with 30-minute slideshows every time one of her kids has a birthday. Her question: should she tell her SIL that she's driving everyone nuts?

The sister-in-law has two kids, ages 4 and 6:

[A]nd she LOVES to take pictures of them and share the photos with everyone. She also loves to throw large birthday parties for her kids, and she’ll get upset if you don’t make it, because she feels that these are very important family functions. Ok fine.

Child parties can be dealt with. But the sister-in-law takes it to a new level:

Every year for each of their birthdays, she’ll put together a slide show of photos with music that usually runs about 20 minutes long. She invites the entire family over for their birthday celebrations, and after everyone arrives she has everyone sit down in front of the tv, and watch a slideshow that consists of only pictures of either son or daughter (depending on whose birthday it is of course.) Each year they have usually ran around 15-20 minutes, but last year each slideshow was almost 30 minutes long.

Family members are no longer hiding their annoyance at the photos:

Most of the family has gotten visibly and vocally irritated at this point; I.e. rolling their eyes when she announces the slideshow is going to start, taking bets for how long they think it will be, making “shoot me now” gestures, or just simply saying “oh for fuck sake this again?” And etc. Last year a couple family members just got up and left after she announced the slideshow. Sister-in-law seems to be either completely oblivious to how others feel or is just completely inconsiderate. I would like to think that she’s not the latter, but I feel like she needs to know that almost no one enjoys/wants to watch 30 minute videos of her children.

So she's wondering if it would be a good idea to tell her sister-in-law that nobody's interested in sitting quietly for 30 minutes while photos of a child who's sitting right in front of them flash onscreen.

I feel like if I’m the only one that suggests shorter slideshows, or if I seem to be the only one that is irritated by them, then she’s not going to consider changing them.

WIBTA if I told her that no one wants to watch 30 minute slideshows of her children?

The people of Reddit agree that telling SIL to cool it with the slideshows might be a good idea — if she can do it gently.

"Good god that’s hilarious," wrote trazismtrazism. "She needs to be told. Especially since it’s pretty embarrassing for her how much everyone hates it."

"People need to realise how much we don't care about their kids photos," wrote Dark-princess420.

"my aunt does the same thing and it’s truly so irritating. some moms are so big headed after having kids that they don’t realize no one gives a shit about their children !" wrote Kimpossiblynukeyou.

And yes, comparisons to Jan Levinson-Gould happened: "I almost feel like she watched the office and is copying Jan Levinson and her stupid power points about Astrid. Bonus points if she sings through them lol," wrote heretolaugh123.

Okay, so everyone agrees it's annoying. But how can the woman tell her sister-in-law to stop without coming across like a huge a-hole?

Many, like SonjasIntern, said a good solution would be for her to play the slideshow in the background while people mill around and socialize:

She clearly just loves taking photos and sharing them with family. I think it’d be better if someone close to her suggested she play the slide show throughout the course of the party in the main room, then she could add even more photos if she wanted. People can casually walk over and look or catch glimpses of the photos as they’re chatting, it’d be much more chill lol. I usually like looking at people’s photos when they have a slideshow going in the background or tape them all to the wall in the shape of whatever number they’re turning, etc.

One user, shortforstormtrooper, offered a positive spin:

Maybe say something like "Hey sis, I love coming to niece/nephew's birthday parties, but the slideshow of pictures of them seems to take so long that I don't get to spend enough time with the birthday child. Would it be possible to just put the slideshow on in the background so people can look at the pictures at their conveniences so we can play more party games (or whatever else it is y'all do)?"

But jimmyjrdanceparty and a few others suggested that the woman just let her sister-in-law torture the family twice a year. It's not actually hurting anyone, after all.

I'd leave it alone personally. 15-30 minutes twice a year really isn't that much and if she hasn't picked up on people's reactions, I think you'll hurt her feelings if you say this. I'm close to saying that the people rolling their eyes and making rude comments are TAs because yes, it's a little annoying, but it's a gesture of love; if it annoys you that much, don't come, or excuse yourself to the kitchen periodically to grab a snack and a break.

And Gluehweinaldente agreed:

I was looking for this comment. For family and friends you sometimes participate in things, that maybe you don't care about much, but they do. The 30 mins twice a year are clearly for her, not for you. I don't know why the childrens pictures in particular get so much hate. How many football games did you watch, that you actually didn't care about, because somebody else was passionate about it? How many movies?

Either way, it makes you thankful your own family doesn't do this, right?

2019 is almost over and now it's time to look back on everything humanity accomplished.

Is Greta Thunberg saving our planet? Probably. Are we trying to impeach our president? Yup! Is the Kardashian family still unexplainably rich and famous? Unfortunately.

The holidays are a time for reflection. While you visit your family it's important to pour yourself a glass of wine and stare off into the distance while contemplating your choices and sending yourself off into a destructive spiral. While a lot definitely happened this year, we all could use a laugh. And laughter is best when it's shared!

Here are the most viral tweets (over one hundred thousand re-tweets) of 2019. Enjoy!

1. Perhaps the most relatable tweet ever written.

2. Too real.

3. Moms everywhere have wronged us.

4. Dogs, explained.

5. Don't mess with moms.

6. Never forget to pose.

7. All of us.

8. Are babies secretly plotting?

9. Where is the music coming from, though?

10. This is a ghost.

11. Oh my god.

12. Yup.

13. Help.

14. Priorities!

15. This mom is a national treasure.

16. Never forget camp.

17. Deep relate.

18. Inspiration!

19. This might be the cutest thing ever.

20. Silence is 5 stars.

21. Portion control is hard with pasta.

22. We're all geniuses.

23. Someone help this poor potato.

24. Found her!

25. Devastating realization.

26. This cat is everyone and everything.

When at their most evil, siblings can push all your buttons, narc on you to your parents, and reveal your most embarrassing moments to anyone who will listen. They can function as living, breathing manifestations of every pet peeve you've had, and they'll fully do it on purpose to get a rise out of you.

However, when their shadow side dissipates, siblings can also be some of the most ride-or-die friends imaginable. They already have an acute understanding of the cross you've had to bear growing up, so when their powers are used for good, it can be a blessing.

The Twitter user AnnieDaGrannie recently experienced the sweeter side of her 10-year-old brother during a crying spell in the bathroom, and shared the anecdote with her followers.

"So I locked myself in the bathroom bawling my eyes out...and next thing I know my 10-year-old brother slides these notes under the door...I don't deserve him," she wrote.

The notes were both lovingly and urgently scrawled on office paper and slipped under the door to comfort Annie.

The first one read:

"Ani it's okay, when she will come she will realize that she made you sad and she will apologize. Everything is going to be okay, if you're going to be thinking about it, it's going to make you sadder. Okay?"

The second note urged her to come out so they could do something to cheer her up.

"Come out so we could do something together fun and your mood will get better, okay?"

The interaction somehow became even more wholesome when Annie relocated to her room to process her feelings, and her younger brother made her a DIY package to cheer her up.

Needless to say, the wholesome brother exchange melted the internet into a puddle of GIFs and crying emojis.

The holidays can be a deeply stressful time and it's easy to focus on all of the traits that make you want to strangle your family members. So, it's refreshing to see such wholesome displays of care.

'Tis the season to celebrate love!

Relationships can often take a lot of work. Healthy relationships require communication and compromise and a lot of things that even two mature, stable humans can have a hard time achieving.

That being said, relationships are also a lot of fun! It's time to celebrate all the goofiness, awkwardness and face-palms of being in love. Wrap up a pair of ridiculous socks for your partner and decorate the tree with all the trash they leave lying around the house. This is what the holiday season is all about: pranks!

Here are the funniest relationship fails we could find! Enjoy!

1. Oh no.

2. Swing and a miss!

3. "I won this fight."

4. Twitter please help this height-challenged couple.

5. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WOULDN'T LOVE ME WITHOUT SKIN?

6. Does this look safe to you?

7. Oops.

8. This is not an ice cream sandwich.

9. Face-palm.

10. This interruption.

11. Beer is more important than light.

12. OUCH.

13. Making the bedroom a little more romantic?

14. Ok, but where are your manners?

15. Copy & Paste love.

16. Romance is dead.

17. Thanks for the nuts.

In a perfect world, everyone would stay thoroughly hydrated during a night out on the town, and the night would end with adults slumbering in their own beds, safe and sound after a night of debauchery. But anyone who has partied knows this isn't how things go down, many times the wildest nights transition into disoriented, headache-filled, mornings where you wake in a mysterious location.

Of course, if waking in mysterious places is a pattern, it's probably time to cut back on the partying or at least moderate the drinking. That being said, having a tale or two under your belt doubles as entertaining dinner conversation and a reminder to hit the water on those crazy nights.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared the strangest places they've woken up after blacking out, and most of these people are just lucky to be alive.

1. OP kicked it off with a bloody bang.

I once woke up in a snowbank with a dog licking blood off my face. I was walking home wasted in the middle of winter and I slipped on some ice and went face first into the pavement - my hands were in my pockets so I didn't catch myself. I sat down on the snowbank and grabbed a handful of snow to put on my face to stop the bleeding. I had planned to stand up and walk home after a few minutes when the blood wasn't still pouring out of my chin, but it was late and I was tired and drunk. I fell asleep. Woke up several hours later with a dog licking the blood from my face.

Dogs love blood.

I woke up laughing from the tickling sensation and the dog's owner, understandably, thought I was totally insane: covered in blood, lying in a snowbank, laughing hysterically, at like 5:30 in the morning.

He wanted to call an ambulance. I refused, he insisted, I told him I was fine, he started asking questions in an effort to gauge my mental state, so I just ran away.

Let's hear 'em, reddit.

2. Victreebel was forced to fish their way back home.

I live in Norway. I once got so drunk I fell asleep on a small fishing boat with a crew of 6 men. I woke up way out at sea and had to work there for 3 days before they put me ashore. Was 3 of the best days of my life.

3. randomhobo met a British guy with a next level tale of drunkenness.

I was once in Thailand and I met a British guy who woke up lying on his back in the middle of a classroom full of Thai kids, half way through a lesson. It was an open air classroom and he had stumbled in at some point during the night. He passed out on the floor and the Thai people decided not to wake him up when they arrived in the morning. When he finally woke up at about 10am, he sat up, exchanged awkward looks with everyone, stood up, and walked back to his hotel.

4. Pizzadude is lucky to be alive.

The gutter in front of my apartments, covered in blood and vomit.

But what makes the story is that my friends had already gotten me safely home and inside. Apparently I was laying on the living room floor, and felt like I was going to throw up. I guess I didn't want to make a mess inside, so in one smooth motion I jumped up, planted a foot on a chair, and launched myself headfirst out the window. I'm told that I hit the ground with my face, then log-rolled down the hill, vomiting every single time I landed on my stomach, leaving a trail of perfectly spaced splatter marks. I hit the barrier chain, swung under it and across the sidewalk, and planted in the gutter.

All of my friends took turns sitting on the front steps, watching me as I twitched and moaned my roommate's name all night. I don't know why (to either of those things).

I guess the neighbor's children were terrified too.

5. krustychocolate has peak drunk logic.

Not as much the place (my friend's bed, she was right beside me) but it was what was on me when I woke up. There was something rubbing against my face that felt like tiny rocks and when I looked, I had a skateboard down my shirt with the grip facing up. Apparently, I decided this was the best method to roll down the hallway on my stomach. I got out of bed and rolled to the kitchen to make breakfast.

6. wokeupinacupboard doesn't know how they broke into their neighbor's house.

Had a party at my house. When I woke up the next morning it was dark and cramped. I opened the doors and fell out of a cupboard in a house I didn't recognize. I managed to sneak out quietly and realized once I had made it to the street that it was someones house about a half block down the street from my own.

I don't know those people.

I must have drunkenly broken in and decided to hide.

7. omigahguy has a few stories.

1. In the bed of a pick up truck in downtown Detroit. I had been there 3 or 4 hours. Never so lucky.

2. A friend was shaken awake behind the Last Lap bar in Knoxville once by a little old lady saying "son you can't sleep on my lawn any longer".

8. HashRunner had the cutest hangover.

Woke up in a random apartment covered in kittens once.

Was surreal and awesome... (The kittens were alive and climbing on me/mewing, I was completely clothed and perfectly fine beyond a monster hangover)

9. Esull has a range of tales.

Best: In bed with a guy I was silly-in-love with.

Worst: In between 2 gay guys, one of whom had pissed the bed at one point during the night.

Weirdest: the shore of a pond, a good 2 miles away from where the beer-b-q was. My clothes were clearly drunkenly reapplied and I had a miners light on my head.

10. allthesewoes got an unwelcome wake up call from Mom.

Once was woken up by my mother yelling at me as I'm laying pantless sprawled across the kitchen floor my kitchen floor. I am next to the microwave, where I passed out while waiting for my hot pocket to cook. The hot pocket, still inside, is a black rock of charred pastry because the timer was set for god-knows-how-long. Luckily I did not burn the house down. Oh, and on the computer screen, youporn.com

tl;dr: I came home wasted, planned to eat a hot pocket and masturbate, passed out

11. wuwtk's friends trolled them in the most delicious way.

One morning about a year ago after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up with a king sized bag of skittles in my pocket. I had no idea where they came from and I never left this one house according what my friends told me. Every time after that whenever I pass out my friends were apparently putting bags of skittles in pockets just to confuse me. I didn't find out until about 2 months ago. They still deny the first time though and apparently its still a mystery. I have awesome friends.

12. headlessparrot unscrews apartment lighting in their sleep.

On the floor of my apartment, but with a pot of coffee (brewed apparently in the moments just before full-on black-out, since it was still warm--thanks for the foresight, drunk-as-fuck me!) on the linoleum right next to me.

Runner up: in my own bed, completely naked except for my socks and shoes still being on, with every single lightbulb in my room unscrewed and laid neatly next to me in a row on my pillow (i.e. if I'd rolled over at any point in the night, I clearly would have shattered them and impaled myself and probably bled to death).

Edit: apparently 'runner up' is code for "actually, a way better story." Here's another one (not me, but a good friend): got black-out drunk and decided he wanted two entire racks of ribs, which he successfully purchased and navigated home, and decided to eat on his bed. He woke up the next morning and during the standard post-night-out pat down (you know, the one where you make sure all your parts are accounted for), concluded there was blood all over his hands and he'd done some serious damage to his own ribcage. He looks down and realizes that a) the blood was rib-sauce, and b) he had just gently laid the finished rib-bones down on his chest over his actual ribs, and he'd been feeling those while panicking.

13. exNihlio no longer binge drinks.

About a month before I left for Iraq I went to visit home. I usually don't drink but having just obtained the legal drinking age I thought: "f*ck it". Arriving at my friends very small rented house already filled with numerous amounts of people in various states of debauchery and drunkenness I begin to consume copious amounts of alcohol. After going shot for shot with three people in the span of 30 minutes and not being a normally heavy drinker, the room begins to spin before my eyes.

Recognizing my impending unconsciousness I begin to make hasty preparations. I take off my shoes and try to make it to an empty room to pass out away from people. I should also note that at this party there was a VERY large woman. By large I mean roughly 400 lbs. This is an important part of the story. The last thing I remember that night is dragging myself along the floor.

The next morning I slowly open my eyes. The first thing I notice is I am completely soaked. The next I notice is a horrific pain in my chest and sides. As I groan and slowly drag myself up, I look around. I am sitting in my friends bathroom. The floor in flooded in about an inch of water with runny vomit floating in it. Upon closer inspection I can see that the freestanding sink in the bathroom has been ripped of the wall.

Along with a chunk of the wall. As I walk out to the living room I begin to piece the events of last night together from the remaining guests. Apparently I had woken up later and tried to drag myself to the bathroom to puke. (I remember none of this) Upon arriving there that very large woman at the party also decided to join me in puking in the bathroom. At the threshold of the doorway she tripped and began to fall. Grappling for something she seized upon the sink and proceeded to remove it from the wall. As well as eventually falling on me. And then proceeding to vomit everywhere.

I later went to the doctor and discovered I had broken three ribs. This is why I no longer drink to excess.

14. YeaISeddit travels in their sleep.

Three miles from the bar, jeans torn all over, sharing a bus stop with a homeless guy, wearing a Trojan helmet.

15. KingOfSwing90 had a moment with their now ex.

Party with my friends who were graduating from college. Lots of good beer and cocktails. Then the tequila shots started. The third tequila shot was the last one I remember.

Woke up pooping, to my then-girlfriend throwing up in the sink next to me. We made eye contact, and promptly burst out laughing.

16. millerlite1984 woke up to discover they were robbed.

The morning after a Saint Patty's day, I woke up in the hallway of a low income housing complex (Section 8 if you're familiar with Minnesota Housing) when a paper boy through the news paper next to my feet. I did not know anyone who lived in this building. I then noticed my glasses were missing, all of my cash was gone, I had bush stickers stuck all over my sweater, My arms were scraped from wrist to elbow, my cell phone was dead, and my keys were gone.

When I walked outside I could see the Saint Paul Skyline to my right and immediately knew that the closest person I knew was where my car was... 5 miles away. While taking the walk of shame in the early morning, I decided I would shortcut through a parking ramp, bad move. I ended up getting lost in this ramp for a good 20 mins before I just walked back to the beginning.

Then I get to my friends house a while later, being the polite person I am, I didn't want to wake her parents and passed out on her front stoop. It's 40 degrees out and I only have a long sleeve/light sweater on. Half an hour later she opens the door because her neighbor called and told her someone may be dead on her steps. I found out she lives on her own. I. am. an. idiot.

17. Cptn_Janeway found their drunk island of choice.

On the island of Kauai, got drunk before airplane with buddies on Oahu, we planned on going to Maui but accidentally got off on Kauai to go drunken camping. We all woke up thinking we were on Maui, we freaked out for maybe 10 minutes when we realized where we really were, then we just said fuck it, we'll just stay here.

When you are drunk on an island, it doesn't really matter what island you are on.

18. Phallic is thankful to those policewomen.

In the back of a police wagon.

Problem was, I was watching loads of trashy "true crime" shows at the time and my first reaction when I came out of blackout in a windowless white chamber that was clearly being driven somewhere was to assume I was being kidnapped.

I went absolutely apesh*t, flailing around the wagon and screaming for help. Turns out two lovely policewomen had found me passed out on a sidewalk (end of exams :/) and had decided to give me a lift home, but I was too drunk to give directions. They checked my wallet and saw I lived on a dorm so they took me there, but I'd actually moved out 6 months earlier and hadn't gotten around to changing the address on my license.

Still, got me some pretty good street cred turning up at my old college, shitfaced and talking gibberish, in the back of a police van.

To this day I don't know why they took 2 hours out of their night to get me home, they could have easily just thrown me in a cell to dry out. I sent the station a really nice letter after that.

19. lucidsensai truly saw Alaska.

I live in Alaska and when I was a youngin in HS the band, Cake, came to play at a local bar. Luckily there was an all ages show about 6 hours away and after some convincing my parents let me go on my first road trip, so I head up to Fairbanks. I go to the concert with some friends and afterward meet up with the people I'm staying with who are well on their way to getting destroyed at a bonfire... they offer me a drink in the form of a resealed beer filled with some sort of hard liquor that I didn't question.

I wake up with no pants several hours later (I think.. phone was in pants) laying on a suede couch with candles lit on the table. I start looking around for a blanket and stumble into a door with light behind it only to find 3 people whom I've never met drinking absinthe. They offer me a shot, which I accept by lighting the shot glass on fire with a lighter that apparently materialized in my hand, and I immediately slam it and walk out of the room.

(I have no idea if I actually said anything). I never do find a blanket but pass back out on the couch pant-less. I roll over and see the guy who had the absinthe pissing on the wall next to a big screen tv.. I wake up in the morning and still don't recognize a single face, but they all know me... At this point I'm super confused and a girl walks out with completely messed up hair holding my pants.. alarms start going off in my head...

I check my phone and see a text from the girl who's house I was staying at asking where I am and then another one saying "oh good! you're with best friends name- come pick me up and we'll head back to the house" I text her back "uh.. who am I with and where am I?"

..North Pole, Alaska..

20. jamesmcbutt broke into a car.

I was drinking at this bar that a friend had rented for the night. Free drinks all night, and I hadn't touched any alcohol in months. It was a Mexican-themed party, so there were pinatas all around the bar, and I wore a sombrero. I blacked out pretty quickly...

I woke up in the driver's seat of what seemed like a pretty nice car in a daze - it was still night out. I heard someone talking on the phone outside the car I was in. Then I saw a silhouette of the dude coming closer. I kind of tried to stay still and hide from him. Luckily it was still dark. I had the feeling that I was at a house party, but none of my friends were around, and I didn't recognize the place. The man on the phone finally went back inside.

Checked my pockets, found like 28 cents and a pack of gum in my pocket. Checked the passenger seat - there was vomit all over it. In the back seat - more vomit, a couple pinatas and my sombrero. It was cold out. I called my friend and described what I saw around me. He finally found me and picked me up. It was about 3 in the morning.

Turns out, no one knows how I got to that car. I like to think that I left the bar (pinatas in hand - apparently I was carrying them around the bar all night), maybe started walking home. But it was cold out, so I drunkenly sought out shelter. Who knows how many cars I tried to open until I found one that was unlocked. So I got in, threw up everywhere, and passed out for an hour or two. The guy who owned that car must have been really fucking surprised to find a couple pinatas, a sombrero, and vomit all over his interior the next day. I still don't know who the guy was who was talking on his cell phone. Maybe he saw some dude sleeping in his parents' car and was calling them/the cops. Also, no idea how I got the change and gum - I guess I stopped at a gas station on my way to finding shelter...

Expectations run high at Christmas, as neighbors flex their festivities with lighting displays and songs playing on a loop insist that "it's the most wonderful time of the year." Because we are only human, some Christmases fail to become the perfect birthday party for Jesus, and accidentally puts people on the Naughty List. Here are the funniest mishaps that'll teach you what NOT to do.

1. When Santa peed off the porch.

2. When this wife didn't know what drywall was.

3. When this two-year-old passionately protested the Pittsburgh Penguins.

4. When this woman ate soap.

5. When this family called their daughters hos.

6. When the internet purchase didn't live up to the pic.

7. When this forgotten Elf on a Shelf got burned.

8. When this gift from mom looked suspiciously like a dildo.

9. When this doggo wasn't a good boy.

10. When the vacuum looked downright phallic.

11. When the baby Jesus looked like a big toe.

12. When this husband tricked his wife with a mug.

13. When this photographer didn't realize that the reindeer were having an orgy.

14. When this angel was feeling flacid.

15. When this millennial offered to trade world peace for Hannah Montana tickets.

16. When this engraving is for "alaways."

17. When Santa gave off "stranger danger" vibes.

18. When the Snowman turned into Jabba the Hut.

19. When this angel got a facial.

20. When the anagram was irresistible.

When you're growing up and inside of the self-absorbed kid brain, it's easy to forget that your parents are full people who have lived through many lifetimes and a myriad of stories. Some of them have fled oppressive countries, others routinely stand up to bullies, and others know the secrets of building their own life path from scratch.

The lucky among us are regaled with tales from our parents' exploits, or get to witness firsthand just what makes them tick beyond the mundane duties of parenting.

In a popular Reddit thread, user Vomit_Comet shared a story of their dad being admirably hardcore, and asked others to share stories of their own parents.

1. OP's dad doesn't play games.

My father used to live in Chicago. He owned a furniture store. There was a large business across the street, and the business didn't have very good parking. So, this one employee would always park in my father's parking lot.

My father asked him everyday for a week to please stop parking there, because it took parking spots away from his customers.

On the first 4 days the guy says "yah, sure. I won't park here."

On the 5th day, the guy says, "F*ck off! This is a free country!"

So, my dad waits for the guy to park in his lot again the following Monday.

The guy parks in my father's parking lot, flips him off, and then storms to the business across the street.

So, my father being the natural bada*s he was, sprays water all over the car. Keep in mind this is in CHICAGO. In the F*CKING WINTER.

When the guy comes out from work a few hours later, he finds my dad standing there with a hose, smoking a cigarette, with the douchebag's car almost completely frozen.

The guy flips his shit and tells my dad he's calling the cops, and my father just says nonchalantly "It's a free country, isn't it?".

The douchebag's car was frozen in my father's parking lot for the rest of the winter. It was actually in the news, but I can't seem to find it on the internet, considering it happened in like the 60's.

Needless to say, the following spring, the guy didn't park his car in my father's parking lot.

TL;DR Guy parks his car in my father's parking lot and refuses to stop doing it, so my father turns the car into an ice cube.

2. PepperAndSalt's dad could write a book about his exploits.

Been a buffalo hunter (which is more like herding than shooting)

Been gored through the leg by a buffalo

Has had a stick fly up whilst hunting and stick him through the leg, at which point he drove himself to the nearest nurse station 100km away and fixed himself up because the nurse fainted when she realised it was all the way through

Trekked and ridden a motorbike over some of the world's highest roads (in India and China, mainly) at the age of 65

Rides a big red Harley Davidson around the town and has to braid his beard to stop it whipping him in the face

Survived multiple motorbike accidents

Still holds his former college's tequila drinking record

Perhaps the most bada*s: He had a motorbike accident on a remote country rode, broke his leg among other things, sat around for 3 hours before someone came by, waited another few hours for an ambulance. In the hospital they realized after a few days that he wasn't crapping his pants and in fact his leg was massively infected. Long story short, they sliced his cast open, it started swelling, they cut his knee open with a scalpel and pus and blobs and disgustingness started spewing out. They realised it was bad news, wheeled him out of the hospital to the helipad but it had been called off to another emergency, so they stuck him in an ambulance and shut down a lane of the Sydney Harbour Bridge to rush him through to the main Sydney hospital. He spent the next year in a hyperbaric chamber in an out of consciousness, they wheeled him into surgery to amputate at least 6 times but decided to leave it. First leg saved through the oxygenation method.

Deep down I kinda wish they'd cut off his leg because then my dad would look more like a pirate.

tl;dr: Motorbike, beard, gangrene, Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The father in question (beard is tied up in the photo, it's another 3 or so inches long)

3. torreneastoria's dad rose from the dead.

3.5 years ago my dad was declared brain dead for abut 3-4 hours with EEG testing. He was given his last rights, and we were saying good-bye to him. As per his standing wishes he was not to live as a vegetable.

I watched the respirator breathe for him, and his pace maker shock his heart every few seconds for more than an hour. At about 2 am the respiratory technician and doctor began to take my dad off of life-support. When the respiratory technician removed my dad's breathing tube my dad started to choke. It took him about a minute and a half to come to full consciousness. His heart started beating on his own and he also was breathing. Within another half an hour he was talking, telling us how he had an amazing dream about his grandfather telling him that his life wasn't over yet. His grandfather has been dead since my dad was about 10 years old.

TL;DR - My dad was declared brain dead and while "pulling the plug" he came back.

4. iLuVtiffany's mom jumped into the pool, jewelry and all, to save them.

When I was a kid, there was a birthday party at the pool. One of my friends knew how to swim and went into the deep end. I, feeling jealous, went into the deep end too. I didn't know how to swim. I started drowning. My mom wearing nice clothes, made up, wearing jewelry and all jumped into the pool and saved me.

I know that's something all parents will do, but the fact that it actually happened and she saved me, to me, was the most bad a*s thing my mom ever did.

5. brothergrimm's dad set the bullies straight.

My older brother has a mental disability and when we were little, he was relentlessly bullied by the neighborhood kids. Daily verbal harassment, beatings, getting spit on, etc. My parents were losing their minds over this trying to figure out how to protect him. They both worked long hours and the worst stuff would happen before they could get home. They tried talking to the worst offenders' parents, but they wouldn't do anything to rein in their little shits. One day, when I was about 10 and my brother was 11, my dad got home early to find out my brother had once again been jumped, but this time the attackers were still outside our house.

My dad flew out the front door with my brother in tow to find them, enraged. I had never seen him so pissed. Several hours later he returned, and my brother told me what happened: my dad found the little fuckers (they were around our age) and got into a screaming match with them in the middle of the street. One of them flipped my dad off. My dad totally lost it, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and hauled off and kicked him in the ass. I should also mention that my dad was a champion tennis player and had legs like tree trunks.

The kid wasn't hurt badly, but was completely stunned that another adult, a stranger essentially, had physically struck him. He ran home crying. My mom spent the rest of the night freaking out that my dad was going to get arrested. Fortunately no cops were called. I had never been so simultaneously in awe of and proud of my dad.

TL;DR: dad literally kicked my disabled brother's bully's a*s

EDIT: I should add that my dad immediately regretted doing this and knew he had crossed the line.

6. pok_guy's mother outswam tyranny.

My mother was a teen living in Communist China, and her entire family was being persecuted (Her father was executed by the government). She attempted to escape to Hong Kong by swimming for three days through shark-infested waters. Many others had disappeared in those waters, often being swept to sea by the tides.

Twice, she got caught and put into escapee's prison twice, one of these prison stays was for more than a year. She didn't give up, and on the third try, she made it to Hong Kong where she started a new life.

She is my hero.

7. stonedpockets's mother has lived a brave life in honor of their deceased dad.

My father passed away when I was 8 years old, with my other siblings being 9 years old, 3 years old and 13months.

My mother has raised us all very well (I think), my elder sister is a pharmacist, I'm studying at university and my younger siblings are still in school. My mother has managed to raise over £100,000 for the disease which took my father, she has travelled to cuba and morrocco to run marathons well into her 50s and this summer she will be carrying the olympic torch.

She's pretty bad a*s to me.

8. ItGotRidiculous's got in a fist fight with a seagull.

While feeding the dolphins at Sea World: My dad is holding seven year old me up so that I can reach the dolphin and pet it before dropping a tasty fish in its mouth. A seagull swoops in and grabs the fish from my hand. My dad punches the seagull right in the beak. Surprised, the seagull drops the fish, and attempts to fly away, but was apparently dazed and ends up corkscrewing into a wall. The dolphins still sing songs of his praises.

9. pygarthepillager's dad survived the Death March.

My dad joined the Army at the age of 13 with a forged birth certificate. He was unusually tall for his age and being the depression era, it was a way to get a roof over your head and three meals a day. I guess documentation was a lot different back then.

Anyway, he ends up in a Coastal Artillery Unit on the Island of Corregidor in Manila Bay, the Philippines. He was there when the Japanese invaded at the outset of WWII. He survived the siege and fall of Corregidor, the Bataan Death March and spent the rest of the war as a POW. He suffered from many chronic health problems related to physical abuse, malnutrition and parasitic infection endured during that time.

Most of his VA doctors told him he would likely not survive past forty. Still, he met and married my mom, raised three boys (of which I am the youngest), and worked until the last year of his life. He passed away at the age of 78. He is a most definite Bada*s in my book. He was and will always be my greatest hero.

10. ApparentlyNotAToucan's dad is a miraculous multi-tasker.

My parents got into a train-wreck in India in the 70s. Luckily they weren't in the wagons affected the worst, because most people in these died. Nevertheless, injured people everywhere.

So my Dad got out his travel-medipack and begins to bandage a couple of strangers while still inside the derailed train car. After he patched a couple of people up, he almost fainted. That's when he bandaged his bleeding headwound, while comforting my mom.

I hope I can do something like this at least once in my lifetime...

11. MyNameIsChar's mom is tough as nails.

My Mother:

Once disarmed a suicidal gunman who was threatening everyone in the house with an arsenal of weapons.

Worked in a Salt Mine for a month, when she was 16, until the mine realized that she was too young and they had hired the wrong person. She worked loading 50-100 pound sacks of rock salt with her bare hands, for 5-8 hours a day.

Moved to Massachusetts to become a female pro wrestler with her sister. Their stage names were going to be Scarlett and Erica America.

Once the Pro wrestling thing fell through, she put her supervisor at Texas Instruments (where she'd found a job) - who was about 200 pounds and six feet tall - into a Full Nelson and refused to let him go until he admitted that she should have gotten the promotion he got and call her "Uncle Nancy".

Was a Machine Operator at Texas Instruments who self taught herself how to fix the machine she operated. She learned how to fine tune her machine to put out more calculators than every before, and she broke every record as far as Quality Control and Output goes.

After her first husband left her, she worked on a fishing boat, in Alaska, Deadliest Catch style.

After I was born and her second husband (My Father) left her, she became a foster parent for At-Risk youths that no other homes (besides group homes) would take.

Is now a Long Haul Truck Driver who is approaching a million driven miles. She is #1 in her company - ahead of guys who've been driving for ten, twenty years - as far as total miles ran per year.

12. Sin25's dad ate a spider to prove a point.

My dad ate a motherfucking spider to prove to my little sister that they are harmless.

13. Gidian9's dad climbed a mountain in honor of their mom.

My mother died when I was six from cancer. 11 years later my father ran the " high adventure group in my boy scout troop. We took a trip to Colorado to hike in the Rockies. ( we are in Memphis TN). The first hike was to a lake in the mountains near Brekenridge that my mother and father used tk spend alot of time when they were newly weds. We camped on bare rock by some old mining shacks in the process of being reclaimed the the mountains. I awoke in the morning to find my father missing. I asked around and was told my father had gone up the mountain.

We were staying on a plateau in a bit of a valley that led up the mountain to the lake. Up the maintain here means a small trail that leads almost strait up another 300 feet. I got my binoculars and began looking. Soon I saw my Dad slogging up the mountain with a huge rock clutched in his hands. He was hauling them up to build a shrine to my mother. It sits there today, 4 feet tall, on the edge of a cliff, by a crystal clear mountain lake that meant a lot to them, overlooking the entire mountain range. He has never spoken of to anyone.

TL:DR my Dad built a mountain shrine to my Mom who died of cancer

14. michaelrohansmith's mom has transformed lives.

My mother taught disabled children for 40 years. During that time she taught deaf girls to dance ballet, and educated children who were totally deaf and blind.

15. Jazzspasm's parents have both made a mark.

My Dad is a retired Consultant Paediatritian. I figured out he must have made around 10,000 sick children healthy, saved a lot of lives. In the village where I grew up, people named thier kids after him and me, because they wanted their boys to grow up to be either him or like one of his kids (I have no other idea why my name. I was a right little shit). Apart from that, his eardrums blew when a grenade went off next to him while he was in the Royal Marines. Underwater.

As for my Mum, she's a playwrite and had the first play by an English dramatist other than Shakespeare performed in the Irish National Theatre.

16. ApesApesApes's dad is ride-or-die for mom.

Dad took a broken bottle to the neck defending my mothers honour in a bar, had a gnarly scar.

17. Alicethelion's dad helped disassemble the Berlin wall.

In 1989 my dad took a road trip around the race circuits of Europe. he ended up in Berlin during November and helped them take down a wall.

18. bubblescivic's dad has overcome the odds.

My dad came to the US in 1975 with nothing. His first years in this great nation were met with difficulty due to the language barrier, racism & crimes committed against him.

Through all this, my father managed to:

marry my mother and have my brother and I

learn English and become quite fluent

work as a diesel mechanic for 18 years until he could save up for his own business

started and ran 25 nail salons for over a decade

made sure over 140 employees were well taken care of

sponsored over 40 people (~30 are family) to gain residence visas and subsequently citizenship in the US

flew to Vietnam and brought my grandfather to the US for medical care, paid cash for it.

adopted an abandoned mentally ill young man who is my older brother, he was born with normal mental capabilities and became mentally retarded after an accident. His father remarried and his stepmother wanted him out so my dad took him in.

has paid for College for my brother and I. Cars, rent, etc.

My dad is a bada*s

19. Alpaca3229's dad took the law into his own hands.

Dad turned vigilante awhile back and busted drug dealers and crackheads. I think that's pretty bada*s.

20. Jukibom's mom is NOT the one to mess with.

We had a chequebook stolen from the family business along with a few other bits. We'd been broken into a ton of times over the summer and the police didn't / couldn't do anything so we thought nothing of it, cancelled the chequebook, filed a report and tried to get on with things.

We then got a phone call from a local money shop (the deal in small loans, pawn jewelry, cheques and so on) saying someone was trying to cache a blacklisted cheque. My parents told them to keep him waiting and jumped in the car. When they got there, this guy freaked and bolted - my mum caught him at the door and he pushed her back. She smacked him one but the guy kept running. My mum (in freaking wellies and aged 50) chased this 20-ish guy down the main road, stopping traffic and knocked seven shades of shit out of him, pinning him down until the police got there.

Seriously, don't f*ck with my mum.

No one can afford to live alone in NYC with a closet full of Manolo Blahnik​​​​​​s on a writer's salary. But Sex and the City got at least one thing right: women do love to gab with our gal pals about the things men do—and could do better—in the bedroom. But it's not just men who make mistakes between the sheets. Women aren't immune to f*cking up the art of f*cking. We are humans, after all!

Someone recently asked men of Reddit: "what are some mistakes women make during sex?" These 27 dissatisfied male-identifying humans weigh in. Thanks for the feedback, guys!

1.) From ddudzi:

Almost every handjob I have ever received feels like I'm having my penis yanked out of its' socket.

2.) From PDJnr:

Going up too far when they're on top, only to slam back down on your dick when it's out. Been there, felt that pain.

3.) From febs2412:

The main mistake girls make is not listening to my post sex PowerPoint presentation review, I spend hours on them animations.

4.) From 3rdhenchman:

Easy with the bouncy bounce during reverse cowgirl.. Penis isn't meant to fold in half

5.) From jazzb54:

Lifting her hips up at the wrong moment, causing my thrust to re-target the exit lane.

6.) From anzfo:

Not doing ANYTHING

7.) From Drifter74:

The assumption that just because they're there we should be rock hard...we need some warming up as well sometimes.

8.) From Hghwytohell:

Don't pretend to enjoy it just for our benefit. If something isn't working for you, communicate! Sex should be enjoyable for everyone involved and you don't need to appease our ego if you're not enjoying it. Sexual chemistry doesn't always come right away, and the only way it can be built is if partners communicate what they like and don't like to each other.

9.) From ImReallySorryMom:

Treating my dick like a trampoline when on top. It’s easy to get carried away I get it but in the blink of an eye, I could lose all I hold dear to me

10.) From kakurenbo1:

Leaning back too far when on top. Some dicks aren’t that flexible when fully erect. If I’m starting to sit up when you lean back, it’s because my shit’s about to break off.

11.) From DrewPeacock14:

Don’t expect him to know what you want him to do without any hints or help.

12.) From IPunchedASandwich:

Don't make fun of me for being vanilla while in front of friends and then come home and lay there like an embarrassed fish when I suggest something dirty.

13.) From Roarlord:

You ever have a girl up on top come down wrong and bend your dick in half? Because I have.

If there is a hell, I know what pain awaits.

14.) From runswithbufflo:

When you're giving a handjob you're not milking a cow dont death grip it

15.) From Zahfier:

Faking pleasure. If something isn’t working for you, let the guy know. If he thinks he’s doing well, he won’t change anything. If you let him know what you like and don’t like... he will change.

Most guys get a lot of satisfaction from your pleasure.

16.) From peezle69:

Positive reinforcement can go a long way.

17.) From frygod:

Awards from bugboi

Not exactly during, but expecting guys to always initiate. Want your guy to feel desirable? Don't want your guy to worry that you're just sleeping with him every now and then to shut him up? Jump his bones.

18.) From rustytherooster:

Don't try to discretely insert your finger in my asshole, we know what your up to, if you want to try it just ask

19.) From QualitySeycoTimepiec:

I can tell when you are giving me a pity f*ck and it's a total turn off. If you don't want to do it then say so.

20.) From DirtySingh:

No enthusiasm. Also too much enthusiasm and it hits the side wall hard. Owweee. That really put me off sex for awhile.

21.) From UnsavoryBoy:

I was wearing a condom and my ex thought it'd be funny to stretch the 'reservoir tip' and let go (like a rubber band). Wasn't all that funny imo.

22.) From jchall3:

Failure to provide feedback during intercourse.

You don’t have to scream like a porn star, but let me know if what I am doing is working towards getting you off.

It can be non-verbal also. Just move my hand if it isn’t quite on the right spot. Squeeze me harder if you want me to go harder. Set the pace yourself.

And for God’s sake if you are 30 seconds out just whisper a tiny, “I’m almost there” so that we don’t come up 500 feet short of the runway.

Also, if you are in a relationship where sex is going to be a regular thing then use the post coitus pillow talk to say what you liked or didn’t.

23.) From adwardo123:

Ever been with a girl that just lays there? Yea that.

24.) From SomeonesDrunkNephew:

The correct speed of a hand job is not, and never has been, 4000 RPM.

25.) From cha1pap1:

Teeth

26.) From kyutie23:

Please don't ever just stick a finger up a man's ass. Everyone's foreign policy is different.

27.) From monkey-socks:

Going too quick. Slow down, make it last and it's better for both of us.

~*The More You Know*~

You're on the internet right now, so you already know the lay of the land here. Chrissy Teigen is the undisputed queen of Twitter, because she is Extremely Online and first doesn't clear every single statement with a publicist. She is very, very unfiltered, offering hot takes on her hot husband, being famous, and President Pussy A** Bitch.

Here are her best tweets from 2019, the year she ate a ham sandwich made by the Sexiest Man Alive.

1. When she sent out this honest disclaimer.

2. When she pondered this paradox.

3. When she explained an unexpected perk of celebrity.

4. When she reminded people what breastfeeding is.

4. When she looked like Melania.

5. When she captured the magic of deep conversations with kids.

6. When she fulfilled her dream of having boned People's Sexiest Man Alive.

7. When she revealed that she was no longer a virgin.

8. When she blessed us with this video of Drunk John Legend singing his own song.

9. When she shared the hard news.

10. When she called the president a "pussy a** b*tch" after he ranted about her and John.

11. When she shared the most annoying question she gets asked as John Legend's wife.

12. When she trolled a troll.

13. When she was defined about Mom Brain.

14. When she revealed her negotiating tactic.

15. When she revealed the worst position in bed.

16. When she shared this meme of herself.

17. When she welcomed controversy.

18. When she kept John Legend humble.

19. When she pitched the new national pasttime.

20. When she dunked on Ted Cruz.

21. When she dunked on Ted Cruz.

22. When she feared a Congressional grilling.

23. When she signed her tweet to Kid Rock.

24. When she pitched the ultimate Twitter product.

25. When she filled out a school questionairre.

It's hard out there in the dating world. Both partners try to put their best face forward at the start of a new relationship. But as we let down our guard, sometimes the image our partner has presented to us doesn't accurately reflect who the person we are dating really is.

On a recent Reddit thread, women shared stories of the moment they realized the person they were in a relationship with was a completely different than they were led to believe.

1. Nicokini found out she didn't even know her ex's real name.

When his passport fell out of his bag revealing he had a different name than the one I knew him by and the one on his drivers license. By that point, I was plotting escape. We dated 9 months, 6 of which were long distance. In the 3 months we were together in the same city, it became obvious he was “off” but I didn’t have the language to describe it as a late teen in my first “adult” relationship. I think everyone ought to take a crash course on personality disorders before dating.

2. Millysmama discovered her ex had a string of lies following him around including cheating and prison.

I found out he was cheating w/ multiple women. When I found the FB messages, he referred to me as "the nanny". Then, he went behind my back and sold the house we were living in w/o telling me (not married) and bought another one (in another state) w/ the $40k I loaned him for the 1st one. When I contacted a lawyer about trying to get my money back, I also found out he had been in prison for 5 years for child abuse of his own child (that I never knew about).

3. Lipstick-warrior believed she was dating a Canadian who went to great lengths to keep the ruse up.

He had claimed he was Canadian, and I'd heard him say zed instead of zee, yog-urt instead of yo-gurt, and "aboat" instead of "about". Turns out he had never even lived in Canada. He told me this sob story about how he'd had a terrible childhood and adopted this story to erase that past...

if someone begins your relationship by fabricating an identity, they are not to be trusted.

edit to add more ridiculous details of the deception: he had a large canadian flag hanging in his apartment, used spellings like "favourite", and followed the Toronto Maple Leafs religiously.

4. Snowbird9888's ex changed schools and changed personalities.

When he went to a different school in a bigger city he got new friends. He went out more but generally was the same around. me. Slowly his clothing changed. He wasn't into his computer as much and switched to apple products. None of this bothered me, figured his interests were changing.

However, when he said he watched Jersey shore and liked the show... I knew there were problems. Before this was the kind of thing he'd make fun of others for watching, but it kind of clicked that he was trying to be like them. Changing what he's wearing, going out lots, partying hard. We broke up within a few months.

5. Wakingearth's ex fed her food she was allergic to, on purpose.

I’m severely allergic to eggs (hospital visit level) and he gave me something, I asked if it had egg, he said no. First bite I knew it had egg, made excuses to why I wasn’t hungry, and popped an antihistamine. I didn’t want to say anything in case it actually didn’t have egg and I sounded crazy. Later, he admitted to giving me egg on purpose.

6. FloptimusCrime8 saw her ex's true colors once they moved in together.

The day I moved in with my ex it was honestly like a switch flipped in his brain. He became so critical of me, the way I dressed/cleaned/talked, everything set him off it was insane. I remember about a week after moving in he came home and got mad at me because I hadn’t cleaned, I was looking around a clean house trying to find the mess he was talking about and he pointed at the mail on a table. I pointed out that it was all his mail and asked what I was supposed to do with it, he replied “put it away”, well after about a half hour of my crying asking him where was away for his mail and him just constantly saying “away”. I called my mom crying asking her to come pick me up and if I could stay with her for a bit.

7. ACG819 discovered she was the other woman in the relationship.

When I got a text from an unknown number with a picture of him that said "this is my boyfriend of over 6 years lying about being single"

We were dating for 4 months at that point. I thought he was amazing.

8. JOEYMAMI2015 dodged a bullet when her ex ran off after she gave birth.

He ended up being abusive and I basically had to run away with a then newborn baby. Long story short, he later went to prison for awhile, got out on parole, completely forgot us, and is currently living with a much older woman who just bought him a van, a house and a puppy.

9. Alleycatt_101's ex revealed who he was when he got angry.

When he got angry and I hid in a corner as he threw things around the room and almost hit me with a mug he'd thrown at the wall. I let it go but then a month later he fell down the stairs and couldn't get up so I called the ambulance and he was screaming at me saying he'd kill me if the ambulance came and the operator was asking me if I was safe there. I told her yes but she sent the police anyway and they drove me to the hospital and had an officer stay near me while I waited to see if he would be okay. They drove me home afterwards too. I still stayed with him a while after that, nearly a year, because I thought he would get better control of his anger. He never did.

10. Kllyrae's ex looked for flings while she was in the hospital.

When my sweet, caring, perfect man decided to download dating apps and troll for other women while I was in the hospital, then continued when I found out I was pregnant and miscarrying. I went through the whole miscarriage, d&c, and testing alone. That’s been one of the hardest things I’ve been through.

11. BlackWidow21968's ex-husband wanted her to change after they got married.

When everything that he "loved" about me when we met, had to change when we got married. He wanted a Stepford Wife.

12. Still_on_a_whisper's ex was a textbook narcissist.

When I’d bring up a concern or state that I felt he’d crossed a boundary, and he replied, “that’s just how I am and I don’t change for anyone.” This was months after we’d started our relationship. He was the chivalrous gentlemen in the beginning and little by little his true colors began to show. Unfortunately for me, he turned out to be a manipulative narcissist.

13. Chillephant and her ex bonded over shared love of outdoor adventures. Turns out he wasn't actually a fan.

We bonded over our love for the outdoors, had our first kiss when we went camping, and he seemed to actually be interested in getting into yoga (one of my favorite pastimes). He made himself out to be this fun-loving, spontaneous adventure seeker. Turns out he was super boring, hated physical exertion, and preferred partying in nature to seeking peace in nature.

14. Things went sound for Sparklelord77 when they moved in with her father-in-law.

When we moved in with his POS father for a brief period of time. I hated his dad, always did hate his dad. His dad bailed on his mom a month before he was born and only came out of the woodworks when he found out that my now ex husband was a army ranger. Then suddenly my ex was “his boy” after 22 years of no contact what so ever. We moved in with his dad for less then a year and I ended up leaving him. Turns out the longer he spent with his dad, the more he started to become him.

15. Tropicalweathernay's ex was using a dating app.

When I caught him on a bloody dating app. Yes I created an account at the time, hoping I wouldn't see him on there but I did. And I'm glad I did. His profile showed a completely different person from the man I thought I knew. His profile said he was single and looking for a long term relationship.

I screenshot everything, put a stop to it and told him to fuck himself.

16. PankhurstE let her new boyfriend crash at her place and he opened a drug business.

We were not together for more than 2 months when he had to move apartments. He asked if he could stay with me for a couple of weeks until he found something. I agreed. He sold drugs out of my home while I was at work. I found out because he was trying to convince one of my friends to bring drugs into the country for him. Shit boyfriend, shittier drug dealer.

17. Optimus_yarnspinner's boyfriend opened up about his conspiracy beliefs.

I dated this guy who seemed really normal, was cute and nice and smart etc. One day we were hanging out and he turns to me out of no where and says “you know, there really isn’t any way for us to know that the earth isn’t flat.”

18. Trying_to_pass_time knew it had to end when his jealous became apparent.

When I noticed that I don't want to leave work early for them anymore. Because when I'd get home he'd ask how my day was. I'd tell him about it, how I fixed something with my male co-worker and how much other stuff I did an all I'd get would be "Oh, that guy? You talked about him just 2 days ago. What is going on with him? You wanna tell me something?" Dude. He is my co-worker. We have to work together on projects.

19. Heyaurelia's ex didn't support her taking of her mental health.

I was going through a horrible bout of anxiety and I wanted to go back to therapy and try a different medication. My ex vehemently discouraged both; but I went through with it anyways. After a few months my family and friends were happy to report that I seemed back to my old self, and I felt better than I had in years. Right before we broke up, he told me he liked who I was better before therapy and medication.

20. Regalia13's ex wasn't working but refused to help around the house.

When he never decided to contribute to the house, forcing me to do all the work despite holding the job and working 70-80 hour weeks. When I was very clear asking him to help and he didn't and made me feel bad for asking. Just can't do it anymore

Every class has a class clown who will do anything to entertain his or her peers—even when the consequences may include social alienation, punishment from teachers or parents, or even physical danger.

People on Reddit are sharing stories of times the class clown crossed a line. Here are 22 stories about kids who took things way too far just to get a laugh.

Sending my thoughts and prayers to all teachers tasked with keeping the world's future comedians under control.

1.) From muddybuttbrew:

He tried to pants the teacher.

2.) From _EarthWyrm_:

He loaded up porn on someone's computer while they were in the bathroom. Teacher wasn't paying attention and the victim ended up getting suspended.

3.) From certified-terrorist:

Not the same but someone typed how to buy guns illegally on someone else’s school computer and got him arrested, next day a beatdown occurred in the soccer field with like 6 people kicking someone, no one snitched but it’s pretty obvious what happened

4.) From clutterdillon67:

My high school class clown made a joke in a dead silent class room about boning a teacher with another teacher in the room. His situation afterwards wasn't great...

5.) From emmalamadingdong:

called our teacher's daughter (who's name is Mia), Mia Khalifa. The teacher then proceeded to search up Mia khalifa in front of the whole class

6.) From cosmickalamity:

Ate a shit ton of notebook paper and ended up going home after he projectile vomited on the goddamn floor

7.) From criuggn:

One time the "class clown" asked what the teacher's wife, another teacher, was like in bed. It was so goddamn awkward.

8.) From shakeandcaked161:

This one kid thought it would be funny to snort a line of that sour powder. This was no small line mind you, I actually think he was rubbing it off the candy. Anyways, he does his line and instantly starts screaming. His nose was gushing blood and I honestly think he popped a blood vessel in his eye. Ran out of the room and later saw an ambulance come to the school.

Don't do drugs.

9.) From raunchyboyz:

Am a teacher. A female colleague told her class about how she was going to spend the holidays resting in her bed. Kid said loudly "Ooh can I join."

Silence.

10.) From RawPiza:

Pulled out a chair from underneath a kid thinking it would be really funny when the kid fell. The kid ended up falling and cracking his head open and getting around 30 stitches.

11.) From THICKSANDWICH:

Someone in my year at school (who wanted to be a doctor), drank a bottle of antibacterial hand-wash for $5. He did it because "there is nothing bad in there" (his words). Needless to say, he got his stomach pumped.

12.) From Ave_Asmodeus:

Kid was always doing dumb "stunts" just to make people laugh he got sick of climbing on/in random things and jumping stairs one day and decided it'd be funny to smack into walls. His first few walls were fine as they were all concrete. There was a girl crying in the hallway and he figured he could make her laugh by making a funny face and tackling the glass door... He went through the door and needed stitches leaving splatters of blood and broken glass on the way to the office.

13.) From SeeingSongs:

When he ate part of the squid we were dissecting. Stomach pump for you, Chuckles!

14.) From just_moss:

Straight up just peed on the floor in the middle of class and convinced the teacher it was spilled water so he cleaned it up...Honestly not even class clown shit at that point, just being a gross dick. He didn't get in nearly enough trouble

15.) From Andy_and_Vic:

In a high school classroom with a chill teacher, someone made a joke about another kid’s dick being small. So, that kid exposed himself in front of the whole class to prove that it was large. He got suspended.

16.) From femalepants:

When I was in 3rd grade we were all doing our thing, coloring, reading, etc. The class clown was being REALLY noisy and kept goofing off. We were all having fun and the class clown eventually sat down. It wasn't long before he was laying on the floor, foaming out of his mouth, shaking violently. We all laughed, it was a joke right? Before long the teacher came rushing over to see the new "joke" the kid came up with. She immediately called 911 and he was rushed out of the room. He had a seizure while the whole class thought he was joking. He recovered and everything was fine, I just feel bad for the kid.

17.) From BfreakingD:

a friend of mine made gestures of f*cking the air in front of what he thought was an older student. little did he know, it was a very young, new teacher..

18.) From guerre-eclair:

When he yelled "I lost my virginity to my dog!" during a quiet moment in class. Every head whipped around to stare in horror.

19.) From aburke626:

Senior year. Teacher wouldn’t give her a hall pass to use the bathroom (which was ridiculous). Instead of taking a more ... conventional stand, like walking out of the room, she sat down in her desk and pissed her pants.

She was suspended, I forget for how long, there were editorials back and forth in the school paper. I was on team “teachers shouldn’t try to control our bowels but also maybe don’t piss on the floor, though I do appreciate your taking one for the team.”

20.) ​​​​​​​From TFAJubilee:

We had a teacher in middle school who had a wig and a glass eye. We had three class clowns that teamed up and at the end of the year, she left just because of their constant disruptions and bullying. I actually really liked her and always felt bad for her.

21.) From olivier_wmv:

Kid in my band class still thought yo mama jokes were funny.

We came back to school for the first time after hurricane Sandy, and the kid goes to the teacher ,"yo mama s-" and the teacher cuts him off "died in the hurricane"

The kid never told another one of those jokes in that class

22.) From Klaudiapotter:

There was a class clown in my class and another one from the senior class at the time. They'd collaborated to throw toilet paper all over the schoolyard as a joke.

I forget exactly what it was, but there was some kind of very important event going on that day and we were supposed to have a lot of visitors that afternoon.

The principal was not amused. He said if they'd done that on any other day, he'd probably just let it go after making them clean it up.

They got detention and one of the teachers made them personally apologize to the elderly janitor who had to clean that shit up in the dark when it was freezing cold.

Edit: The janitor found the mess when he'd gotten to school that morning while it was still dark around 6am or so. He started cleaning it up himself, before anyone knew who did it. The office pulled the footage from the outdoor security cameras later that morning. Because it was such a small school, those dudes were identified in about 30 seconds lmao

Ghosts are spooky, but sometimes the most unnerving experiences are far from supernatural. Strangers (and downright criminals) can cross our paths when we least expect it and these chance enocunters leave us keeping our guards permanently up.

On a recent Reddit thread, people are sharing the creepiest experiences so haunting, they continue to terrify long after the event took place.

Good luck falling asleep tonight after reading these 17 nightmarish incidents.

1. A murder happened in the condo next to Orcus74 while their own door was unlocked.

On a family vacation when I was a kid, renting a beach condo. [The family living next door] were leaving at the end of the week for their own trip, but the daughter had to work one more overnight shift as a nurse. The dad and the younger kids left that day and the mother and daughter were going to leave the next morning...

That morning, as we were packing up our own stuff to go home, we started hearing sirens out on the road in front of the condos. There were several emergency vehicles outside... The daughter had come home from her shift and found the mother beaten to death with a hammer or something similar. We hadn't heard or seen anything, even though we shared a wall.

The creepiest part was that the officers found that the killer had accessed the house by the back porch door, facing the beach. The bedroom me and my brothers were sleeping in was down on the ground floor, with the same porch door leading out to the beach, only a few feet away from that same door and only separated by a waist-high rail. Talking about it later, we weren't even sure we had locked the door that night.

2. Lard_Baron found an eerie hidden room in their old house.

In the basement the plaster was cracking a falling off of the one wall. We had to remove it to treat it with a damp proof membrane. Removing the plaster to bare brick revealed a bricked up doorway. We opened it up to see what was behind it.

It was a small room with a rough wooden bed all rotted away only the frame remaining and a upright chair.with the back broken and a kind of tailors dummy stood on a unplained wooden frame.

Mildewed newspaper cuttings where on the chair, most to badly rotted away but the ones in the center could be read. They were ink pictures of women with names like. "Florrie Corrigan the Irish rose" and "Irene Atkins the Clapham nightingale" Some had their faces disfigured or slashed. Some had dripping wounds and cuts drawn on them. Most had a big furry vagina drawn on.

My wife was fairly freaked and had a hippie chap come and pray / chant in the room to remove bad spirits.

3. Lanas-Pepsi-P*ssy was catfished and followed by an old man.

I got catfished by an old man on a dating app...

[He] was this young and really attractive dude, so I thought.... (I was about 20 at the time). We spoke and exchanged pics and messages. We planned to meet up. He gave me an address and I took an uber to that address. I was standing around for hours, it was really dark and was getting late in the night... [I] resorted to standing around near the address to see if I'd get a message or response; nothing.

The next day, on the dating app, he sent me some story about something happening with someone in his family. I can't believe I actually believed him when he told me... we chalk it up to sometimes shit just happens and we planned to meet up again at a much earlier time. I came to the same address.

As I'm knocking on the door... I look around. This time, I see an old man sitting in a black car across the street from the house and he's just staring at me as if I was candy that he just couldn't resist and he just had to have me....I get a little uncomfortable and worried. That's when it hit me, HE was the 'young and really attractive dude' that I'd been talking to this entire time. I got an uber to go back and I blocked him on the app after sending him a nasty message. But he didn't stop there, HE FOLLOWED the uber that I was in.

I was so damn terrified, but was relieved that he ended up losing us on the highway.

4. HighDingyDoo had a psycho threaten to ruin his life.

He was really into Joker. I’ve never seen so much Joker memorabilia in one room. Posters, comics, action figures, VHS tapes, DVDs, t shirts… everything Joker.

At [his] party, I met an attractive girl. She took an interest in me, and one thing led to another. Being the naive 20-year-old that I was, I followed her into an empty room and we fooled around for awhile.

At the end of the night, the guests slowly trickled out the door. By now, it was just me, my two closest friends, and our host.

When we thanked him and went to get our coats, he rushed over and blocked the door. He just stood there staring at us.

Then, to our collective horror, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a digital recorder. On the recorder are all of the conversations that we had since first meeting. Hours and hours and hours of dialogue, some of it of a very sensitive nature.

He also revealed that my encounter in the spare bedroom that evening had been recorded on video. We asked what he wanted from us... but he explained that this was not an act of bribery. He just wanted to “fuck our lives up”, because ruining lives was his passion.

5. Seated_Heat's brother thought he saw someone with a football- it was actually a severed head.

My brother had a party in college at his place... There were a bunch of parties that night in that area... My brother and his buddy were on the porch late at night (like 3-4 AM) when in the distance, in the dark, they saw someone randomly running through the night with a football. My brothers buddy even yelled out "Run Forrest, run!"

Next morning the police knocked on everyone's door to interview the people who lived in the area. Apparently a student was decapitated and the body was found near the campus, but the head was missing. There was a massive search and a few weeks later, they were looking at the track and field complex behind where my brother lived and they found the head when emptying a port-a-potty at the track... my brother is fairly certain the random guy in the dark running with the football was actually the guy running with the head.

6. A clown broke into Hisoka_hoe's apartment complex at night.

When I was 14, me and my mom moved to a new city. The storage was in a separate place in the building. Our storage space was just around a corner. One evening I went to storage around 11pm to get some old plushies and when I opened the door and went around the corner I saw an middle aged man dressed up as a clown just creepily standing there in the back, I swear he had this crazy look in his eyes. I bolted out there as fast as I could. I told my mom and she called the police. When they arrived the man was still standing in the corner and he didnt fight back when the police arrested him.

Apparently he used a lot of drugs and was just spacing out, the never told me how he got in the storage space, but they changed the lock after that incident

7. Two dogs saved Quanide's life during an attempted abduction.

When I was about 8 or 9, my mom's friends took us to see the puppy they were going to buy. The owner offered us to walk the parent-dogs (two Rottweilers). They were super friendly and walked off leash with the two kids of my moms friend, and myself.

When we arrived in a grassy area surrounded by trees, a tall guy approached us. He grabbed my shoulder and the dogs went completely nuts. I remember he had a mirror and tried shining light into the dogs eyes. The mother dog stayed circling me while I ran to the house and the other dog chased after this guy until he was gone. It was terrifying, but what really stands by me is that those dogs didn't know me, yet they protected me and my friends as if their lives depended on it.

8. Spooky_Tree had a neighbor from hell watching him.

When I was around 20, we had this weird neighbor.. One night I was up at 2 am and noticed out my window that I could see the reflection of a fire. So I went into the completely dark living room and peeked through the window to make sure it wasn't someone's house.

It was the neighbor, with a bonfire in his driveway, just standing with his back to it, staring directly at me. Now, I hadn't made a sound or anything, there is no way he heard or saw me coming. He was just staring directly at me. So being completely freaked out, I went to bed and couldn't fall asleep because I was convinced he was going to murder me.

About half an hour later I hear crunching, and I'm like "probs just a raccoon in the driveway". Then I hear the clapping. I look out from my window to the driveway, and there he is, standing in my gravel driveway, clapping, and staring directly into my bedroom window.

9. NotThisFucker met a sketchy parking lot hustler.

We were parking in a lot across the street when a guy walks up to me. He was trying to tell me to park on some side street because it was free, but my wife was already at the pay machine. Plus, I had already parked and really didn't want to risk a ticket on the word of a stranger.

He didn't really care about where we were parking, he just wanted to make some money. He had something he wanted to sell me and pulled a knife out.

I stepped back and looked at my wife...

"Don't worry man, I'm not going to stab you. Do you want to buy this knife?" I told him that I didn't really want a knife and that we didn't carry cash. In his defense, he didn't stab me.

10. Fiesta_machine's curtains were mysteriously replaced overnight.

When me and my Mom moved to a new house. She had some re-decorating to do. One of the things she wanted to change was to get some new curtains for our bathroom, the curtains in there were torn, dirty, browned and just ugly af. So she bought some new curtains. As she is quite short, she can't reach our attic which is where she wanted to store the old curtains (It was rented so we couldn't throw them away) so I put the curtains into a box then put them into the attic. The new curtains went up. All is good.

The next day when I come home from school the horrible, dirty curtains are back up in the bathroom. New curtains are nowhere to be seen. I asked my Mom why she had changed the curtains back over, she was terrified, had no idea how it happened.

11. A man creeped on Kewege's daughter in a grocery store.

Was shopping with my father and got in line to check out when he realized he forgot something and went to grab it. My 2-year-old daughter was looking at the candy when a man got in line behind me and said to my daughter “don’t wander away from mom or someone like me will snatch you.” He didn’t say someone would snatch you, he said me.

I grabbed my daughter and put her in the cart and he just stood there, staring at her. I was about to leave when my father showed up and this man said “oh, you’ve got a big guy with you” got out of line and left. I felt for sure his plan was to try and take her when we got in the parking lot. I think my 6’ 4 father made him rethink it.

12. Max1459 won't ever hear Boston's "More Than A Feeling" the same way.

I was in the Navy stationed inland because I was in a school. I had a friend drop me off at a store and when I was done started walking back to the base.

I noticed this car driving slowly in the road keeping pace with me. Some weird guy was smiling at me. I am also a guy. More than a feeling was playing loudly. Eventually the car went ahead of me, but then there it was on a side street waiting for me to pass. Again he drove next to me slowly with the same song playing. This scenario went on for about 7 or 8 blocks, same song playing over and over. I finally made it to a near by mall and went inside. I stayed in one place inside the mall to make sure I lost him, I was pretending to talk to someone on a payphone.

Suddenly there he was inside the mall peeking around a corner. As soon as he turned around, I ran out of the mall through the closest exit and ran about another 2 blocks to the Navy base. I never saw him again but it creeped me out so much that everytime I hear more than a feeling playing, it reminds me of the experience.

13. Alliekat1282 had a shuddering sleep-paralysis experience that has them questioning reality.

I’ve had sleep paralysis for most of my life. One night, I went out with friends and we went back to my best friends house afterwards. He had a large, L shaped couch, and we both fell asleep on it, him on one side and I on the other. I woke up when the sun rose and was having sleep paralysis.

As I lay there, unable to move but able to see my surroundings, I watched as the blanket covering me began to slowly slip off of me and onto the floor, then, my arm began moving away from me as though someone was pulling it. I could feel the top half of my body slowly sliding off the couch and was only able to lay there and do nothing. I’ve never had a sleep paralysis episode in which I was so frightened. And then, suddenly, my best friend sat bolt-upright and yelled “Leave her alone!”

I woke up immediately and was able to scramble away from the edge of the couch. He said he thought he was dreaming when he opened his eyes and saw a man wearing what he thought was a black hoodie pulling me off the couch. As soon as he yelled, the man disappeared.

I’ve always discounted what I’ve seen while having episodes as “all in my head” but I really questioned it afterwards.

14. Limonalvaro34 was told he looked good enough to eat.

I’m a Fedex delivery driver. About 3 years ago while delivering medicine to a trailer park in Vegas, I encountered a man I’ll never forget. I had to obtain a signature so I knocked on the door. Out came an old, overweight, tall, balding man with a yellow crust building up on his goatee. First thing he says to me is, “don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like you would be delicious”. I give him a nervous grin and make small talk. He realized how nervous I got and started calling me Prince Charming. Never again did I deliver directly to him, but would see him around when delivering to neighboring homes.

15. Trashitagain got targeted while using a urinal.

I was maybe 19 and at a Dennys around 1am eating some drunk food with friends. There was this really sketchy looking group of guys eating across the restaurant. Eventually I had to pee so I went to the bathroom.

While I'm pissing in the urinal the lights go off with an audible "click". I'm sure I'm about to get mugged so I duck my head and rush the door, cutting off my urine steam and barely getting myself back in my pants as I barge out of the bathroom. I stumbled back to my friends and noticed there sketchy dudes were no longer at their table. I'm pretty sure I narrowly dodged a blow to the back of the head.

16. Dancewithahippogriff is taunted by music in their home.

I occasionally hear faint music in my house. Its usually when I'm alone or very early morning. I hear it from the A/C vent, or from somewhere in my kitchen/laundry room. I can't figure where it comes from. I thought it might be a radio we packed away somewhere, but it would need to be plugged in, or have batteries, but batteries would have died at some point. We don't have outlets that high. I am partially convinced someone is in the attic, but nothing is missing or damaged, and the dogs don't act weird.

17. Blkholsun's chair was mysteriously warped without explanation.

When I was in college I had a desk chair that was on rollers, the kind where the pedestal ends in a five-armed “star” with a roller at each end. The arms of the star were made of hard plastic, and were pretty thick.

I was up very late one night cramming for a final, and went to bed for no more than an hour or so to take a nap. When I got up I went back and sat in the chair and immediately realized something was wrong: all five of the hard plastic arms were warped and bent at almost 90 degrees, all in the same direction. It certainly wasn’t like that an hour prior when I left it. Again, this was hard brittle, thick plastic, it doesn’t/shouldn’t bend, it would just snap under enough force.

I lived alone, doors were locked... it’d be the most bizarre prank in the world to break into somebody’s apartment with... a blowtorch or something? To reshape their chair legs? I kept that chair for years and years even though it was now basically unusable, because I thought that one day I’d be staring at it and the answer would come to me. I have absolutely zero belief in anything supernatural and nothing else bizarre has ever happened to me, but I think about this constantly.

Remember the Olsen twins? They spent the '90s prancing around, singing about pizza, boys and the mall in direct-to-VHS movies, and minting cash?

Well they're back in a brand new video, and it's even weirder than the one where they witnessed a murder and had to move to Australia.

The twins, who are now fashion designers, made an extremely rare appearance on social media in a video on actress Ashley Benson's Instagram. In the clip, they appear to be wishing Benson a happy birthday despite never having met her.

It starts with both sisters drawling, "Happy birthday, Ashley."

Then Ashley Olsen says, “I hope this year is one of the best one yet. Sending you lots of love." Mary-Kate jumps in with, “So magical and can’t wait to meet you soon.”

People are pretty weirded out by the clip.

Based on Ashley Benson's Instagram post, it seems she got the video as a gift because she's an Olsen superfan. But since the twins notoriously don't have social media (or do anything else publicly besides design clothes and smoke cigarettes), it's jarring to see them speaking in a selfie video like this.

Fans of the twins are excited they're back.

Others are scared.

Their matching slicked-back, music-teacher-esque hairdos and circular sunglasses are throwing people for a loop.

Somehow, it's jarring to see them on camera like this.

No one was expecting it.

The video has opened up questions about their lifestyle.

And their well-being.

Of course, it's being memed.

And praised as a cinematic tour de force.

Happy birthday, Ashley Benson. Maybe soon you can meet the Olsens.

Dealing with in-laws can be a minefield and one woman is bravely engaging with her future father-in-law by trolling him. And now she's wondering if this makes her an a-hole.

Basically, she is Latina and marrying into a white family. Her fiancé's father keeps asking her what her ethnicity is, and she responds by telling him a random ethnicity or race every time. The woman posted on Reddit to gauge just how d*ckish her actions might be.

The back story: she's known the family for over three years and they're well aware of her background.

I am Latina, but third generation, but I guess I must look very racially ambiguous because I get a lot of questions and guesses. That being said, my fiancé’s dad KNOWS I’m Latina. He’s met my parents, and he’s asked before.

But he can't seem to get it through his head.

Ever since we announced our engagement, his moms been very involved in planning so we’re around his parents a lot more often. FIL has asked NUMEROUS times “what are you again?” Or “you’re (insert random race of brown people) right?” And other variations. At first I didn’t think much of it but it happens SO often that I can’t help but think it’s on purpose. My fiancé and his mom seem to not think much of it, or they’ll just laugh it off as if he’s joking or implying it’s funny that he’s “forgotten” again. This seriously happens like once a week I wanna say.

So the woman has started to troll.

So, I’ve just started “joking” back and either confirming I’m whatever he thinks I am that day, or I just tell him something random. My fiancé thought it was funny at first but has now changed his mind and thinks I’m being disrespectful. I think it’s his dad being disrespectful, and I’m dealing with it in a funny lighthearted way. [Am I the a-hole?]

Does this make her a bad person? Or hilarious? Or both?

Most people say the trolling is well-deserved.

"This guy sounds passive-aggressive and obnoxious," desklurk wrote. "Your fiance needs to tell him to knock it off in no uncertain terms."

And Crlyb2611 pointed out that even if he can't remember her ethnicity, there's no good reason for him to keep asking:

Even if it is something he is genuinely forgetting, why is her ethnicity so important to him? I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be doing the same line of questioning if his son brought home a white girl.

But some suggested that there might be a cognitive issue causing him to keep asking.

Xdsin says:

People with dementia can do this though.

My GF's grandfather (who was far along) would ask me about 5 to 10 times over a span of a couple hours how old I was and then made a comment that I wasn't to old for his granddaughter. But he would only ask my name once at the beginning and then he would remember and use it consistently over the span of a visit.

WaterWitchOfTheNorth suggested asking him politely about it:

I would ask him next time, very nicely, as if you are actually concerned, if he is having memory issues. Tell him you are worried since he can never remember. Ask him if he has brought up his memory issues with his doctor yet, or can he not remember?
How can your fiance get mad at you for being soooooo concerned about his poor father's obviously failing health 🤷‍♀️

But some people said the woman is taking the situation too lightly.

Centuryblessing voted that everyone sucks in this situation, and even implied they shouldn't get married.

FIL sucks for being disrespectful, your fiancé sucks for allowing it to continue, and you suck for ignoring the huge red flag this situation is raising in terms of how your future husband will allow his family to treat you.

ECU_BSN said she should think about how her future father-in-law will treat her kids:

you marry the whole family. Marriage isn’t a joke TBH. How will it be when your kids, who are half your heritage, are taking jabs too?

If your fiancé won’t shut dad down,,,,

you don’t have a FIL problem. You have a fiancé problem.

The question eventually racked up over 1,000 comments, and the original poster felt compelled to respond, telling everyone to tone down the hate for her future father-in-law:

Guys... it’s okay! I think this has gotten out of hand. My future FIL is being annoying at worst, it might have racial undertones but he’s a normal decent guy who treats me well outside of all this, not some sort of hateful racist monster. I assumed the fact that I’m able to joke back to him about it implied that this is honestly all in good fun, just because it has some serious undertones doesn’t mean it’s some sort of relationship ending catastrophe. If it helps, imagine he was calling me by the wrong name and I gave him a fake one each time. It’s not as racially charged, but it’s honestly about the same energy behind it if that makes sense. I’m engaging in this discussion and getting into the racial implications because I genuinely find it interesting and fun, but it really doesn’t have to be as serious as it’s gotten. Thanks guys!!

Guess she's just going to keep trollin', trollin', trollin'.

Her history of overt racism has had consequences for pop singer Camila Cabello. The pop singer has apologized for using "horrible and hurtful language," referring to posts and memes the now-22-year-old shared when she was a teenager that were made public on Twitter this week.

In her apology, posted on Instagram and Twitter, she wrote:

When I was younger, I used language that I’m deeply ashamed of and will regret forever. I was uneducated and ignorant and once I became aware of the history and the weight and the true meaning behind this horrible and hurtful language, I was deeply embarrassed i ever used it. I apologized then and I apologize again now. I would never intentionally hurt anyone and I regret it from the bottom of my heart. As much as I wish I could, I can’t go back in time and change things I said in the past. But once you know better, you do better and that’s all I can do,” she continued.

Her apology continues:

I’m 22 now, I’m an adult and I’ve grown and learned and am conscious and aware of the history and the pain it carries in a way I wasn’t before. Those mistakes don’t represent the person I am or a person I’ve ever been. I only stand and have ever stood for love and inclusivity, and my heart has never, even then, had any ounce of hate or divisiveness. The truth is I was embarrassingly ignorant and unaware. I use my platform to speak about injustice and inequality and I’ll continue doing that. I can’t say enough how deeply sorry and ashamed I feel, and I apologize again from the bottom of my heart.

Screenshots of Cabello's old Tumblr and Facebook posts have been circulating online for a few years now, mainly in private Facebook groups. This past Tuesday, a woman shared them in a now-viral Twitter thread. She also linked to Cabello's Tumblr account, which has since been scrubbed.

In the now-defunct Tumblr account, Cabello used the n-word and reblogged a slew of racist gifs and memes.

The singer has also been accused of using racist language about her former Fifth Harmony band mates, including singer Normani, in private messages which were hacked from her phone. She addressed this last year, saying "I'm just human."

Cabello's fans have been defending the singer, claiming she made these offensive comments "in the past" when she was "a kid."

But many others are arguing that at 15/16 years old she should have known better.

And others have criticized her apology for being vague and failing to address the full impact of her actions.

Consequences, indeed.