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23 people who got revenge on a rude stranger share their stories.

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In an ideal world, we would all treat others as we like to be treated: with kindness, empathy, and generous tips for good service. Sadly, we don't live in an ideal world. There are lots of miserable people out there who are rude or abusive towards strangers in public, and people who work in customer service often bear the brunt of this. But, fortunately, there's a little thing called karma that tends to eventually catch up with people who treat others badly. And some people are brave enough to take karma into their own hands and personally serve an a**hole their Just Desserts. Revenge is, in fact, sweet.

Someone asked Reddit: "how have you made a rude person's day worse?" Here are 19 deeply satisfying stories from people who got revenge on a stranger who was rude to them or others:

1.) From Obieousmaximus:

Today on the train I sat next to a woman who was angry that I sat next to her because she wanted the two seats to herself. As I sat there she kept mouthing under her breath how she just wanted to sit there alone... blah blah blah. Despite the fact that I wanted to tell her that it was public transportation and she needed to get over it I kept my mouth shut. A few minutes later a large woman with a large purse comes and stands in the same car I was in. I get her attention and tell her that she could have my seat. She huffs and puffs her way to me and I help her sit down while grinning at the angry woman who was upset I'd sat beside her. I enjoyed watching her head almost explode from anger as the other large woman's rolls and purse pressed against her for the rest of the ride. Anyone else have any of those subtle revenge stories? Edit: of course the one time I don't check reddit, because I think my story was lame and won't get more than five comments, it takes off. I am looking forward to reading all these stories.... Oh and I'd like to thank all the people that made this possible... my producer, all the guys in Fresno, Melvin, all the haters who said I'd never make it, Phil Collins, OAG, GGG, the White House... yadda yadda yadda...

2.) From rushn006:

I was working as a manager in a big nightclub about a year ago. I dont wear a uniform, but have a radio and run the security team. The venue has a great smoking section that looks out onto the street. One night the venue was packed so I did my usual roam making sure that there were no problems, however it wasg too packed to walk through the smoking section, so I walked down the street instead, but could still very easily see into the smoking section.

One guy stares me down, then calls me over, and starts swearing at me for no reason and telling me that "pieces of shit like you could never even get into a venue like this". He obviously had no idea I was the manager, however I didn't want to have security get into a fight inside with him. The guy kept telling me he would punch me out etc. and was clearly trying to look macho to impress someone. So I agreed and told him to come and meet me outside and he could even have a free swing. He puts his drink down, takes off his jacket and storms outside. Once he walked outside, I walked back inside and told security not to let him back in.

The look on his face when he realised I ran the place was priceless, and then the realisation that he couldnt get back into the club was amazing. It was the easiest and most fun removal I have ever done.

3.) From RainbowSparkle17:

I'm a manager at a grocery store, so I get awesomely rude customers on a daily. Every Wednesday is senior discount day. You have to be 55-60 to qualify for the discount. Needless to say, Wednesdays are tense. Lots of seniors, and lots of other people who don't want to deal with the seniors. I don't generally mind the old folks. Most of them are pretty cool and have some interesting stories and cute jokes.

This Wednesday there was one particular customer who was being a huge pain in the ass from the moment she walked in. She was tall, blonde, high heels, very made up, and dressed to the nines. She was probably late 30s to early 40s. She came storming up to customer service, "There are NO parking spots. This is ridiculous. I'm going to request to corporate that you expand your parking lot, since you don't seem to have the initiative to request that yourself." Off to a great start, lady. She comes storming back up about 45 minutes later. "I am in a HUGE hurry, and every line has someone in it. I need to check out here." We had three lines open, and each one had ONE single customer. ONE. I say "No problem, but I'll get you at a checkout. You have too many items to get here." She has a HUGE hissy fit. "I don't have time for this. Let's GO."

As I'm checking her out, it is constant bitching. "You only have one brand of makeup? That is ridiculous. I only wear MAC, but I was going to settle for Revlon, but you don't even have that. Now I have to make a whole separate trip." "Please don't put my bread on top of my eggs, the eggs could roll over and crush the bread." "Please bag my avocados separately; I need to use those for a face mask tonight. They need to be perfect, I have a photo session for work tomorrow. I'm in a magazine." She was unbelievable. Finally, at the end, I had enough.

As she's about to pay, I say, "Don't forget today is senior discount day! You get 5% off!" She just stared at me. "What?" I smiled broadly. "Every Wednesday, senior citizens get 5% off their bill. I'll go ahead and take it off. You are 55-60, right?" She is staring at me, debit card in hand, cheeks getting red. I lose my smile slowly and say "Oh, you don't qualify? Sorry about that. Maybe next year! Thanks for your honesty."

I haven't seen her in the store since.

4.) From NoForReally:

I used to work for the Department of Motor Vehicles and the one I worked at had pretty limited parking, surprise! I had left for lunch, came back and was having a hard time finding a place to park. I finally found a spot so I drove up to it and put my signal on showing that I was waiting for it. People, in my experience, usually respect this and continue on. Not this time.

Just as the car was backing out, after I had waited a few minutes, a car came from the opposite side of the lot, made eye contact with me and then shot right into the parking space. I was so mad because now I would be late after looking for a new spot. As I drove past the woman that had taken the spot, I just shook my head and she responded by shrugging her shoulders, smiling, mouthing the words, "oh well" to me and then ran her finger from her eye down her cheek as if to mock me crying about it.

I continued into work, got in trouble for being late, but had actually forgotten about the incident until who's number gets called to my station, but Miss Spot-Stealer herself! The look on her face was priceless!

Keep in mind that I'm not your average DMV worker, I understand that stuff happens and waive penalties all the time and treat my customers with respect because I believe that what goes around, comes around and I know how crappy it is to wait at the DMV all day! I'm usually so nice about getting penalties taken off of people's accounts that I get in trouble for it at times.
So, I greet Spot-stealer as nice as I would anyone else, in fact it may have been nicer than I normally would be. She may have thought I didn't recognize her. Her registration is FAR past due, with hundreds due in penalties. I let her tell me her whole sob story then finally tell her that she owes in full because she was aware of her due date. She argues it a little until, out of site from my manager, I mouth the words, "oh well" and drag my finger from my eye to my cheek, mocking her tears. At that point she puts her head down and proceeds to take out her card and pay the full amount because yes, we do take debit cards! :)

What goes around, comes around!

5.) From TheGentileWookie:

When I was working a shitty job in my younger days, a customer was upset that he had to wait in line like everyone else before being able to make his purchase.

He actually said, "Do you know who I am? I own hotels!"

To which I replied, "Well sir, I'm sorry, but this isn't Monopoly, this is Krispy Kreme."

He was not pleased.

6.) From Odatas:

I was sitting in my car making some photos with my new smartphone while using different settings. Than there was this woman who just stoped at an one way street with only 1 lane. So she stands there for like 10 seconds doing nothing. And i thought this is very unusual...so i started to make a video. Another driver comes and honks. Shen then proceeds to revers and hit the car of the other guy with her big BMW. 4 Guys jumped out of the BMW and start yelling at the guy.

You have to know in Germany always the one who hits another car from behind will be blamed if he cant prove that it wasn't his fault. So we have a classic insurance fraud.

The poor guy at the back was realy worried cause he knew he couldn't prove it. I just sit there in my car ant waited for the police. Than i go outside and the police started to get the story's...of course they were 4 against one guys. I just stood there and listen the woman complaining about who this idiot hits her from behind and her brand new car is now damaged.

After the police took the statement from both sides and even take my statement they said there is no chance that 2 vs 4 could proof that he didn't do it.

2 of the guys at the BMW said they didn't know the girl and were pedestrians who saw it. That would increase the credibility.

So they made all false statements to the police and exactly that's the thing i wanted to happen. I than told the police "oh wait there is just one thing" like Colombo style and said that i got a video of what happened. I showed them to the police and the women and the drivers just stand there with mouth open...you could not only see how she hits HIS car but also that the "Pedestrians" where with the women in the car.

The guy than hugs me and we became good friends. Turns out he lives near me and we spend the evening drinking and gaming.

Sry for bad englisch im german.

7.) From IsaidMarkItEIGHT:

I'm in a massive line at a store. I'm next in line, but the person in front of me has a shitload of stuff. A helpful clerk sees the mess and opens another isle saying, "I can help the next customer." Well, that's me. However, the checkout counter has two sides- a right and a left. It is set up for people to come to the right side, but the left can be used as well. As I am stepping over to her counter, this asshole from the very end of my line is sprinting to her counter, pushing people, with his partner in tow. He arrives right before me. They have a mountain of items in their cart which he starts throwing on the checkout counter. I am standing there on the other side with my one item, burning with rage. Checkout girl waits until he stacks all of his shit on the counter, looks at me, looks at him, and says to him, "I'm sorry sir, you're on the wrong side. You'll have to go to the end of the line." Which is now massive. I put on my biggest grin, made eye contact with him as long as possible, and loudly told the clerk how awesome she was.

8.) From Instantwinner1:

Just the other day I was at a Chinese buffet and the three people in the booth next to me were questioning the waitress (she appeared to be Asian-Hispanic) about voting for the President and who she planned to vote for. She had trouble understanding them and communicating that she could not vote. They immediately began taunting her that she shouldn't be here if she couldn't vote, that she didn't even know who the President of the United States is, and then took a picture and said they would post it on Facebook. I later found out the waitress was on a school visa and couldn't vote but was unable to convey that to them. After the waitress walked off, one of the girls at the table (the one who took the pic) looked up and asked me where I worked because I looked familiar. When I replied the local university in the social work department, she commented that she had recently been in my office to apply to our program, to which I replied Yes, I remember you and I'm also on the admissions committee [followed with a wink]. The color drained from her face and she knew she was screwed. Karma's a bitch.

9.) From Shooter:

TL;DR - I provided unsolicited marriage counseling services to a dickhead.

I worked at a hotel several years ago and had to deal with insufferable pricks about a dozen times a day. (Hotel stories about Billy Mays watching granny porn, a person that threw hot coffee in my face, a person that spit on me, and a crazy lady that slapped me are in my comment history.)

The best/most evil revenge I ever got was on a guy that stayed with us four days a week for the entire five years I worked at the hotel. The big utility company in our area was having financial issues and he was the leader of the auditing team that was sent in to straighten it out. Anyway...I would interact with the guy at least a few times every day I worked, and he was ALWAYS very rude and condescending. As an example, one of his co-workers would ask me for a local restaurant recommendation and he would chime in with "Yeah, because minimum-wage workers are known for their taste in fine dining." If someone asked me something personal, he would say something like "Ask him what life choices he made to be here plunging toilets and writing down my preferred wake-up call time. Maybe he can share his wisdom so we all avoid his fate." Stuff like that. He was just a jackass to everyone on the hotel staff, and was always very demanding.

Since I saw him every day, I noticed that he had developed a relationship with one of the younger women on his auditing team. I saw their romance blossom from flirting to full-on groping and grinding in the hotel lobby. One day he had just finished delivering one of his delightfully shitty bon mots to me, and I was fuming. Then he screamed at one of my co-workers because she had a Filipino accent and he said he only wanted his room cleaned by "white Americans." I vowed revenge.

His wife called in to speak to him later that night, like she usually did, and I said "Oh, I think he's sleeping in Ms. *****'s room tonight. One moment, please." and then I connected his wife to her room. His wife must not have told him what I had said, because he didn't try to get me fired.

They got a divorce. They didn't have kids, but according to another guy on the auditing team, his wife got the house and custody of their dog. He stopped staying with us shortly after "the phone call."

10.) From fightmeimjackedirl:

Jackass in the gym once was making some kids of about 14 feel crap telling them to put some man weights on the bar and to stop being pussies and girls and real lame cliche shit. anyway every time they find a new workout he comes and repeats the process lifting bigger and trying to embarrass them. I was annoyed but tired and let it slide. Only it happened again, same kids came in 2 days later and he was there also. he starts doing exactly what he did before. Well that was it. I walked up right next to him doubled what he was lifting and repeated everything he had said to the kids in the last 5 minutes while bert starring him. he quickly moved on and went to another exercise. but I wasn't done the kids were looking at me like I was batman. I followed the guy to the next 3 exercises and did as he had done saying the same things. Then he left. never saw him at the gym again but those boys sure came back and have been making steady gains for over a year now.

TL;DR put a gym show off douche bag in his place, became gymbatman

11.) From wave517:

I was riding my bike to work one day and when crossing a street (in the legal zone with a walk sign) a woman ran me over. She drove through the crosswalk looking to turn right and ran right into me. She stopped after I got bumped hard enough by her fender to take a spill and have some bruising all down my side. She gave me an exasperated, "my bad" wave and continued to talk on her cell phone, ignoring me as I picked myself and my bike up. I walked right up to her open window, grabbed her cell phone from her ear, and chucked it into a nearby parking lot as hard as I could. I swear that was the farthest I have thrown anything in my life. She gaped at me in shock as I struggled back onto my bike and slowly road off fuming yet victorious. Then a half mile farther on my trek I got attacked by a goose. Not my best day.

TL:DR - woman hit me with her car, got revenge, got attacked by goose.

12.) From DeLaNope:

Went to go get my exhaust fixed, no big deal- pothole poked a hole in it.

When I went to go pick up the car a couple hours later, I am treated to a woman SCREAMING at the guy behind the counter- she's positively foaming because she has been waiting nearly 30 minutes for her car to be fixed. She even goes so far as to call the guy an "INSIGNIFICANT LAZY IMMIGRANT".

Guy looks at her- looks at me. Throws me my keys- "Here you go, your Magnum's ready- no charge."

Looks her directly in the eyes. "Looks like it's going to be more expensive than we originally thought. Would you like us to call you a cab?"

I returned shortly afterwards with pizza for the shop.

13.) From eljesus:

I watched a lazy shopper park their grocery cart right behind another persons car instead of putting it in the cart return. I got out of my car, ran up and moved the cart and put it behind her car. I then ran off and watched her have to get back out of her car since she couldn't back out, and then finally proceed to put up her cart the right way. I felt like a champion of the people.

14.) From [deleted]:

When people are rude to me in the drive through, I bend their straw so it gets a crack in it. So later on, about halfway through their drink, their straw stops working! HA!

15.) From Tristan2353:

Guy got out of his car to express some road rage to me. I just got out of my truck, walked past him, pushed the lock button on his door, closed it, walked past him again (his mouth hanging open this time), got back in my truck and drove off. He seemed to be frozen with confusion.

16.) From I_Have_Unobtainium:

I volunteer at my university, safe walks and all that jazz. We are required to report suspicious and illegal activity. Witnessed a woman driving a mercedes-benz across a lawn to bypass the parking gate, tearing up this gorgeous lawn. Being an ex-landscaper, and mad at some rich bitch being too cheap for parking, I am not amused, so we reported it to the parking authority. They show up while the chick is still getting crap out of her trunk, box her in, and start writing a ticket. She ended up driving away, over a curb, peeling her bumper off in the process. Made me kinda happy inside.

17.) From shuffledy:

At the end of a long commute home, after a hard week, i went to a Millies Cookies store just before closing time. As I walked up to the counter, not 5 feet from it, some guy ran from behind me and tried to cut in front of me - the girl working there insisted i was first (thank you). Outraged at what that guy tried to do, and noticing there was not much cookies left, I said "Hi, I'll take absolutely everything you have". Cost me close to $60, but it was so worth it.

18.) From poopjungle:

I work in customer service and have no shortage of asshole customers. I often find that a nice big smile and a "have a nice day" at the end of an insulting customer's rant makes them angrier than any insult I could have thrown back at them.

19.) From [deleted]:

I work in local theatre, and we have a lot of rude, awful women who are part of local ballet schools come through our venue who are the mothers of the dancers. Once this woman rang up wanting seats to an almost sold out ballet performance that had been on sale for 4 months the day before the show, and did nothing but abuse me for 5 minutes because she left buying them too late, whined about how she shouldn't have to pay to for her kids, whined that we should get a bigger venue (it seats just under 500 -.-) then put me on hold while she rang 3 of her relatives to see if they wanted seats too. She was positivley awful. The seats I was about to sell her were the only ones in the theatre left, and they were good seats. While I'm on hold a grandma of one of the ballerinas comes to the desk and askes if we have any seats left, as she'd been in hospital and couldn't buy them earlier, but said she'd understand if we were booked out. I put the phone with the on-hold music down and sold this old lady the last seats for the show, and gave her a an invite to our next years dance season for her grandaughter and herself, so she'd know exactly when all the important dates were coming. She thanked me over and over, and she's now one of our regulars and brings her grandkids to our shows. 2 minutes after the old lady leaves the bitch on the other end finally takes me off hold and says she wants the remaining seats that we have left, I tell her "Sorry we've just sold out while you had me on hold I'm afraid, better luck next next year, anything else I can help you with?". She was choking with rage on the other end of the phone, it was fantastic.

20.) From wideopenbeavers:

When people are rude to me at my fast food job, I practically overflow their cup with ice. I'm a little passive aggressive...

21.) From edafade:

I used to work for a major bank and while doing my stint there I came across a ton of assholes. I was taking a deposit for a lady and her daughter and I heard them speaking a Middle Eastern language. At first I wasn't paying attention but when I realized they were speaking Farsi, I was all ears.

Reason: I speak Farsi.

They were talking about how much of a loser I was, how this job as a teller was the only thing I had in my life, that I probably didn't have a girlfriend and didn't attend school. Throughout this conversation I spoke only English to her and every time she responded to my requests she would smile and then say something nasty about me in Farsi.

At the end of the conversation, I switched up the language and said, "Just because I work at a Bank doesn't give you the right to say things about me behind my back. I'm in grad school to become a Psycho Therapist and this job is for spending money. This isn't how Persian people behave and you should be ashamed. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Her daughter snap left the building and her mother was beat red, embarrassed, apologized profusely, and left. I never saw either of them again.

22.) From schoogy:

Trashy, Jerry Springer guest-looking young lady at Toys-R-Us on Black Friday tried to cut in the massive 90 minute line and threw a fit when she was told to go to the end of the line. She yelled at the employees and threw her products into the face of the security guards as she was told to leave. I started a slow clap, to which she replied, shrieking, "FUCK Y'ALL".

23.) From steffanlv:

Some douche bag in a humvee decided to park in a handicap spot at a kroger. I was young at the time and out riding with my dad, a repo man...in a repo truck.

He towed the humvee to a parking spot on the opposite side of the parking lot. We waited till the owner came out and looked around in disbelief. She thought someone stole her car.

My dad drove up to her, rolled down the window and said "are you ok, miss?" Woman said, "my car was stolen". My dad replied "well, maybe you shouldn't have parked it in a handicap spot" and drove off.


19 funny posts from people joking about their routine in quarantine.

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While you might be seeing a lot of posts from people doing virtual workouts, virtual meditation, and online wellness classes, don't feel guilty if you've spent the quarantine so far in sweatpants on the couch...

This is a very stressful time for everyone, and not all of us have the luxury of waking up to juice vegetables, have an online yoga class and then journal a list of positive affirmations. While keeping postive and taking care of yourself is definitely great advice, the whole "try to stick to your routine!" even though it feels like the whole world is collapsing is pretty difficult to follow!

Luckily, people still have a sense of humor in quarantine. Here are 19 of the funniest fake "schedules" from people who are thriving in isolation.

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20 hairdressers, bartenders, and service workers share their most memorable conversations with customers.

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Working a job that involves interacting with customers all the time can be incredibly draining. You're forced to put on a friendly face even when you're drained to the bone, and lots of people can be incredibly boring or annoying.

Luckily though, there are the few and the rare customers who make working with the public worth it. The people with stories wild enough you could listen to them talk for hours, or the intense vulnerable moments that sit with you for years.

In a popular Reddit thread, bartenders, hairdressers, and other people who work jobs that involve long chats with customers shared the conversations they'll never forget.

1. From VulpesSapiens:

I work in a library. One evening a man, perhaps 70, came in with his two grandchildren, maybe 5 and 9, and headed over to the children's section. After a while the man approached me as the kids browsed the shelves, and asked: "I was wondering if you could find us a book, if there is such a book..."

And as he said this he trailed off and looked away. After regaining his composure he continued, sincerely and warmly: "See, their parents both died in an accident abroad, they were on vacation. Now I have custody of them and I have absolutely no idea how to talk to them about it." This I will never forget.

2. From bluerazz_:

I used to work in retail and one weekday morning, this woman and a little girl came in to pick out an outfit for the little girl. I started talking to the little one, helped her pick some things out to try on and she was beaming by the time she went into the dressing room.

The woman that brought the girl in started talking to me, saying "thank you so much for being so nice, that's the first time I've seen her smile in awhile". I ask why and she said "well her mother died a week ago and we're getting her an outfit here for the funeral".

Absolutely broke my heart.

3. From novags500:

I worked at a bar in a restaurant. 3 of my regulars were a grandfather, the father and the son. They would come in every tuesday to have a couple of beers and talk me up. I always thought it was cool to see 3 generations in a family still hang out like that. One Tuesday the grandfather's wife (she was in her 90s) died. All three of them still came in that night. The father told me she had died and I asked why they still came in. He told me it was because the grandfather said "I just feel like talking to Nate (that's me)." He didn't say anything about his wife, he just wanted to talk like any other Tuesday.

4. From gorillakitty:

While bartending a forlorn man came in and ordered a beer and a shot of whiskey. It was slow, so I started chatting with him. His wife had just told him she wanted a divorce, he was still in love with her and devastated.

We talked for awhile, he kept ordering more beers and shots. I started getting worried about him being able to drive, he showed me his bus pass and assured me he wasn't driving. I just sat and listened to him talk about his problems and broken heart, he seemed like a nice guy in a rough spot.

Then we got a pop in business, I had to tend to other customers for awhile. I'd occasionally check on him to refill his drinks, but no chit chat. Next thing I knew, he was gone. He had paid for his drinks as he ordered them but left me a fat tip, a stack of cocktail napkins with drunken love poems about how pretty and nice I was, and underneath them....his wedding ring. Along with a note that he wanted me to have it.

As a broke college student who only worked on the weekends, I was tempted to hock it. But I thought he might come back for it, so I put it in an envelope and stashed it in the cash register with a note telling the other bartenders to give it back to him if he shows up.

THREE MONTHS later, it's still in the drawer. I was toying with the idea of hocking it, and the other bartenders were giving me a hard time about it. I decided to wait a few weeks longer, and lo and behold he shows up! He sheepishly told me his wife wanted to try to work things out, and asked if there was any chance I had the ring.

I smiled and gave it back to him, the look of relief and happiness on his face was priceless. He ordered a beer and a shot, left a huge tip, and I never saw him again.

I hope things worked out for him, he's one customer I'll never forget.

5. From SandyClawscratcher:

I'm a hair stylist and hearing all the different stories is one of my favorite parts of the job. Yesterday I met a 70 year old man who rock climbed around the world and was an amazing cyclist, not to mention really funny with a great head of silver hair! More hilariously, I had a client who had been a women's prison warden for many years but had to stop when she realized she was going deaf.

She always took her hearing aid out when she got a haircut but loved to "chat" (aka loud, one-way conversations). I once asked her (she could lip-read) if she'd seen "Orange is the New Black" and did it seem accurate? She said yes, in some ways, except it was more heartbreaking.

Women weren't allowed to touch at all but of course you'd walk into the showers sometimes and you'd see some positions going on and hands and faces in places they shouldn't be. Most of the time she'd act like a hard a*s but just give a warning and not report it. "Inmates need love just as much as anyone else." Needless to say, the rest of the salon was captivated and she had no idea of her effect.

6. From HeftyCharlie:

Worked at a nursing facility. There was a patient who nobody liked working with. She was very irritable and not very nice. I go outside her room because her light turned on, she needed help. The other workers were outside talking about how they aren't going in there now because they don't want to deal with her. All she said to me was "I'm sorry I am so difficult, it just hurts all the time." I always think about it.

7. From noodle-face:

I worked as a manager at a super market for awhile. You usually only talk to people when they're having problems, and briefly at that.

On a few occasions though you have to deal with people who get injured, sick, are on drugs, etc. and need to spend some time with them while authorities show up.

I remember one time we had a guy come up to me asking if he could have a gatorade immediately because he felt like he was going to pass out. In situations like this I always obliged because my feeling is "I'm not going to be the guy that refuses him and he dies." So we sit him down, call an ambulance at his request, and I just talked with him for awhile. He started feeling better and wanted to shop, but wanted me to walk with him in case things went bad.

So I did his whole shopping trip with him, learned about how sh*tty his family was to him, no one cared, no one would talk to him. He told me he had diabetes and had already had a couple heart attacks and was on some really bad medication for it all. He said he probably wouldn't live another couple months.

He was able to finish and check-out and the EMTs checked him over and cleared him to go about his day, no ride was needed. He thanked me for taking the time to listen and walk with him, he hadn't talked to anyone in a really long time and said it felt good and I was a nice person.

He never told my bosses about it and I never mentioned it to anyone, the thanks from him was praise enough for me. I just hope I at least made him a little happy.

No idea what happened to him, never saw him again.

8. From TheDarkSwan:

I worked as a house painter for a student painting company for a few weeks this summer. One of our clients was an elderly woman whose husband had just passed on. Here was this frail, aging woman who had spent her past 34 years with someone in her life who she had been utterly bonded and intrinsically identified to who had just been taken from her by bladder cancer and I was just some dweeb kid with a paint brush and deck stain who showed up to make her porch look better.

Well, the thing that stuck with me from my multiple conversations with her was that she had an absolutely beautiful bird garden that attracted all these different birds from North Georgia and the South in general. There were always all these hummingbirds and robins and bluejays flying around, and she would just sit outside and talk about all the bird watching trips she would take with her husband and how they would travel around the country identifying different birds, along with the time they would spend together every day in the garden bird watching and identifying bird calls.

Towards the end of the conversation, she mentioned how her husband was recognized by Cornell University for contributing the most active bird log they'd ever seen to their ornithology department. Then she looked down and sort of said to herself, "I wish I had ears like him. I can't identify nearly as many bird calls anymore, and his hearing never went bad." I'm not particularly interested in bird watching, but the way she talked about it made me understand what a bond it created between the two of them and how someone's life can be impacted by loss in the smallest ways.

TL;DR: Old woman misses husband because of the impact he had on the hobbies they shared together.

9. From 801NYC:

Was a personal trainer in Manhattan and had a client who would regale me with stories of the hookers he'd had over the night before.

I loved my client, but he was a character. He had to have been in his late seventies, and looked like the human version of Mike Wazowski with two eyes. He'd wear these super short exercise shorts with the built-in liner that were one size too small, so I'd often get an eyeful of old-man scrotum.

Anyway, he was partial to young black or hispanic guys, but would settle for anyone with a big dick. Once he asked if I was familiar with a certain gay porn star. It was this hot muscle guy, 6'4" brick shithouse, handsome face. My client had him over the night before but was disappointed because his dick was only slightly above average.

So the thing I'll never forget is the day I went to his apartment for our appointment. He didn't answer door the first couple of times I rang the door bell, so I called him and he came to the door in his underwear. He had obviously just awoken. He had me come in and I followed him to his bedroom where started looking for his wallet and told me about the 20 year old with the 11" cock who'd been f*cking him all night. He told me to charge him for the training session, told me to come back tomorrow, then gave me $100 out of his wallet as a tip.

In that moment he told me that there are people in this world who are rich enough to buy other people. That was the first time I had really made that connection, and that I was on the wrong side of the sale.

10. From piratename223:

My hairdresser told me she didn't know she was pregnant until 8 months. She couldn't understand why she was putting on weight and ran up and down her stairs over and over everyday to try and lose the weight.

It has scared me into taking a pregnancy test every month.

11. From maanu123:

This doesn't really apply but right now there are two repair guys fixing the roof of my school and I hear them talking and godamn it's funny. One of them just said he wants to visit every world monument as fast as possible because it's inevitable that ISIS will blow them up.

12. From AussieAlpaca:

I worked in a retail clothing store (Rivers) in Australia for 3 years and every second Friday a lovely old blind man would somehow manage to find his way up to the 3rd floor of the shopping center and come into our store. Our store policy meant we couldn't assist customers very much (it was a cheap clothing store), but I spent an hour with him everytime he came in because he was so friendly.

My manager told me not to help him "because he probably isn't blind", but that didn't stop me. I then went about 6-9months without seeing him at all. He came in again and when I said hello he replied "Is young William here, he would always help me". Will never forget how happy that made me. I forgot his name but he remembered mine!

13. From DrShadyTree:

I'm a journalist in a small town.

I once met a guy who took over the local movie theater and wanted to ask him about all the changes that he had made and do a profile on him and the "new look" theater.

I asked him "What do you like about movies?" Hoping for some wise wisdom and he said to me "To get away from the thought that my parents are brother and sister."

He was dead serious and I honestly was very, very creeped out.

14. From Robotu:

I work as a bartender for a chain restaurant in the mid-mo area and about a month ago I had a woman come up to my bar top. I could tell immediately she was not having a good day so I started talking to her and asked her how she was doing. It is important to note that the restaurant I work for is very close to a hospital so occasionally we get people in who are not having a very good day and just need someone to talk to. Well, I found out that her father was currently hospitalized with what her doctor described to her as the worst case of shingles he has ever seen. He was elderly and there was a high chance that this could be it for him as his body just couldn't handle it.

Well I made her the best damn mojito I could and we kept talking. After a few more she was becomingly increasingly distraught and I was being as comforting and accommodating as possible as we started to dive into her life story. After a while of talking about her family and her dad and what he did for a living she started to break down and said that she had only seen her father cry twice, once when she attempted suicide and woke up in the hospital after shooting herself with a .357 and today while he was in the hospital bed.

Holy sh*t did that hit me hard, we talked for another hour or so until my shift ended and I made sure to notify the next bartender of what was going on and to be sensitive of the situation and give her whatever she needed. She is an amazing woman and I made sure to give her a big hug before I left and told her I would keep her and her father in my prayers and thoughts.

I haven't seen her in there since and I still think about her sometimes and hope she's doing ok.

15. From GerardilTurtle:

As a bartender, I seen a guy at the bar who I didnt know, he didnt look like he wanted to buy a drink. The bar was quiet so after a while I walked up to him and asked can I get you anything? He shook his head and just sat there. Again went back to fixing up the place.

About 4 hours later after trying a few times to get him a drink, offered water and some crisps he stood up and stared at me, told me thanks but he had to go now. I said no problem hope to see him again to be nice. He then told me as he walked out that he was going to see me much sooner than I thought. Creeped me out and havent forgot it lol.

16. From veexn:

I work at a coffee shop, in walk these two seemingly happy men, one of them sits down in a booth and the other comes to the register to order their coffee. I'm ringing them up, doing the usual small talk and talking about how nice the weather has been, asking him how his day is going and he replies with, "My day isn't going that well, I'm actually about to break up with my fiancé over there..." and points at the man he came in with.

I'm shocked, I tell him to let me know if there's anything I can do for them and he nods sadly, grabs his coffee and retreats to the table.

As I'm working, I can't help but keep glancing over to their table and slowly start seeing the fiance's face keep dropping and dropping over the course of 20 minutes until his head is completely hanging.

He stands up and walks out and starts walking down the street, not saying a word or anything. The other man sits there, looking absolutely heartbroken as well, then stands up after a few minutes, throws both their coffee cups away, gets in his car and drives off. I never saw either of those men ever again. Still makes me sad a year later.

17. From blandrice123:

My first job was as a busboy at a really fancy multilevel Greek place. I was about to take a tray back to the kitchen when an elderly woman approached me from the bathroom.

Her eyes were wide and she was having trouble waking. I took her hand and helped her walk, asking if she was okay, who she was with. She doesn't answer so I lead her through the bar where at least there's other people. A younger woman, presumably a family member, came up to help. I'll never forget how tightly that old woman held my hand before I let her go.

They took her to the lobby. The way the place was set up, when ems arrived I could see them working on her around the corner from a two-top. The place was loud. Those two ate garlic bread and drank wine and will never know they did it 10 feet from a woman's last 10 minutes of life.

They told me she died on the way to the hospital. I'll never forget the way she gripped my hand.

TLDR Edit: Was one of the last people to hold an elderly patron's hand.

18. From Krimsonmyst:

I worked at Apple for several years when their retail stores first came to Australia. We were always told to take as much time as we needed with a customer to make sure they bought the right product to suit their needs.

I had a woman come in early one Friday morning, probably mid 60s, looking to buy an iMac - her son had told her to get one. As part of the purchase, she insisted on getting the longest warranty that she could, as well as buying a plan to have 1 on 1 lessons with a trainer to learn how to Skype properly.

I was happy enough to do this because AppleCare warranties and personal training was great for our sales numbers. While we were waiting for her computer to come across from the back storeroom, she stated talking to me about why she was buying an iMac.

Her son had gotten fed up with trying to help her 'learn' the computer she had, so he had taken it off her and told her to buy an iMac because that'd be easier for her. She told me that her son was always busy working and never made any time to see her, and that Skype-ing him was the only way she'd get to see her grandchildren.

She wanted to training sessions to make sure she didn't have to burden her son with asking for help, or cutting into her Skype time.

As someone who often grumbles when family members ask for computer help, I felt really guilty when she told me this story. I ended up seeing a manager and organising a 25% discount off her total purchase (which I took out of my 3 allocated 25% staff discounts), and made sure that she had all her training sessions booked for the next month.

I always took the time to say hello to her and speak with her for a little while every time I saw her in store after that. She was still taking training sessions when I quit working there, but I did run into her once or twice after I left, and every time she always reiterated how much it meant to her that she could now use her computer independently.

19. From Cha05_Th30ry:

My Dad used to work in an upscale hotel in Portland Oregon. Dolly Parton was staying there back in the 90's playing a few shows. She tells my dad and some of the other employees something along the lines of "I've been to Portland more than a few times but haven't really checked it out. You guys choose the restaurant and it'll be my treat."

My dad couldn't make it being a family man and all but the next morning the four or five employees that took her up on the offer said the waitress at the restaurant was a complete b*tch to everyone at the table. Mind you these are all people that do customer service for a living.

When the check finally comes Dolly Parton pays the bill and says to the waitress "By the way is there anything I can help you with?" The waitress looks at her a little confused and says "Uh no, why do you ask?" Dolly says "Because you seem to have had a stick up your a*s all night long and I was wondering if you needed any help removing it."

20. From kaaari:

I work in a contact centre for a delivery service. Once had someone berate me for ruining her dinner plans with her husband, equating it to murder of her future children as, "we are trying to have a baby! I'm ovulating you know!" too much information.

Bride refuses to cancel wedding, tells guests to take Uber to avoid the 'quarantine police.'

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If any bride deserves to be shamed, it's the bride who doesn't care about the health of her guests, or her community, or anybody her guests and community may come into contact with.

An eager Redditor with the screen name throwawayRA7654shared with the Wedding Shaming subreddit a post from a Bridezilla who is very much like Godzilla in that she doesn't care if she endangers people.

The eager bride has not having the Central for Disease Control's orders to cancel all large gatherings because of the coronavirus, because Happily Ever After waits for no pandemic.

She wrote:

Wedding update: the restaurant and garden where the wedding was going to be has cancelled on us.

So...backward wedding at my parents house instead! [laugh-crying emoji]

We'll text everybody this as well, along with the address.

Wedding update 2:

Since parking in the neighborhood is limited, we ask that as many people carpool or Uber as possible on the day!

Uber may be preferable, especially if you want to drink. Plus, taking an Uber means you may be able to help some people who can't work right now make money!

Also, we don't want any neighbors to see all the cars and call the quarantine police [policeman emoji] lol

When a commenter called the bride out for playing fast and loose with public health and safety, she did not take it well.

Nothing says "I'm not a selfish mean girl" like using a GIF of Regina George.

The Wedding Shaming subreddit had a good time shaming her.

"This is why we have a pandemic," Phoenix_Magic_X posted.

"Do not use Regina George's good name in vain! These idiots are why we need to quarantine and why it's spread so much," batisfaction added.

"You'll remember that precious day fondly as the day grandparents both died from your stupidity," commented ​​​tbone-not-tbag.

The good thing about a pandemic wedding is that you don't have to say goodbye to your family at the end of the night...you can just say "see you later at the funeral."

26 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're A Nurse.

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"Nurses are the heart of healthcare."

-Donna Wilk Cardillo

Thank you, nurses. You work so hard and don't get nearly enough recognition for everything you do. These memes hilariously nail the struggle of being a nurse. Take a break and have a laugh, nurses. You definitely deserve it.

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22 parents share the weird rules they can't believe they've had to make for their kids.

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One rule of parenting is: you have to make rules. But no parenting book ever written can fully prepare you for what those rules might end up being. Because kids are extraordinarily creative when it comes to finding ways to misbehave. And by the time you're creating and enforcing one rule, they're already breaking one that doesn't even exist yet.

Someone asked parents of Reddit: "what is a rule you never thought you would have to create let alone enforce?" These 22 parents share the hilariously specific rules they've had to make as a response to the highly-creative ways their kids have acted out:

1.) From Ohyeahthisawesome:

We don't poke each other in the butthole. Not in the bath. Not ever.

2.) From kangarooninjadonuts:

No flicking the hamster's enormous nuts. Seriously, why are they so big?

3.) From nirie89:

Not a parent, but my sister has a LOT of rules for my youngest niece (who's eight). I don't know all of them, but a few I had to enforce when I was watching her and her older sister were;

No climbing on the rails of the ferry boat. Not on the inside of the boat and ABSOLUTELY NOT on the outside of the boat. I swear this kid is absolutely fearless, and it scares the shit out of me.

Another one is to not pick up anything of the ground she's not sure what is, or what could happen if she picks it up. I took her to the beach once, and she was picking up stuff along the water line. She comes back towards me with a jellyfish in her hands. The conversation went along the lines of

"What do you have in your hands there?"

"It's a jellyfish! It was floating in the water!"

"You shouldn't pick those up, drop it back in the water right now!"

"It's burning my hands!"

"So why are you still holding it? Drop it!"

"It's so cute though.."

She calmly walks back to the water and plops it in. My sister wasn't surprised at all when I told her about it, she just said "well if that's the only thing that happened while you watched her, you had an easy day".

4.) From Karma_Cookie:

Do not spray sunscreen in the toaster oven, do not pour a whole bottle of dish liquid in the toilet. Lastly do not pour cooking oil all over the kitchen floor so you can slide around in it.

5.) From Poisonpenivy:

"No haunting the neighbours." My daughter used to think it was hilarious the whisper weird crap into the vents of our apartment building, things like: You have dishonored your ancestors. That's disgusting. Stop it! The cat want gravy! One of our elderly neighbours thought she really was a ghost, whispering to him.

6.) From WasteOSpacerator9000:

No putting yourself in timeout. FFS why are you crying and sitting on the bottom step of th stairs? Just let yourself out of timeout!

7.) From fiddlemonkey:

You have to stay on the toilet until you are completely finished, even if you have something you really, really want to tell someone right now. If you are on the toilet, and someone else urgently needs it, "Just let me finish my chapter!" is not an acceptable response. No changing the words of songs just because you know it will make your sister cry.

8.) From donnamatrix79:

No licking the bus.

No licking your hand then touching the bus then licking your hand.

No licking your hand, touching the bus, then putting your finger in mamas ear.

No licking mamas hand.

No licking mamas ear.

In fact if we could just put a moratorium on licking things that would be super.

He's not quite two. He licks.

9.) From [deleted]:

"There shall be no slapping of your penis against the shower curtain"

You can not make this up. Every time he went to take a shower all I heard was "thwop, thwop, thwop, thwop, thwop".

10.) From nanadirat:

No daring your little brothers to eat cat poop. No eating cat poop on a dare.

11.) From wdh662:

Do not eat the dog food from the dog dish like a dog. Also do not take off your pants, bend over and spread your cheeks and show people your bum.

12.) ​​​​​​​From LibraryGoddess:

Don't bite your toenails.

You may only play with your penis in your own room, not on the living room couch.

No duelling in the house

You may not put your little sister in any appliance, including but not limited to: the washer, the dryer, the oven, the chest freezer, and the dishwasher.

13.) From cjejack:

Stop licking the kittens.

14.) From hdawg187:

Easy. I have 2 sons. One is 7 and one is 3. I had to enforce a rule for the 3 year old called 'no headbutting at the dinner table'.

NO HEADBUTTING AT THE DINNER TABLE. For f*ck's sake. The 7 year old is so gentle and timid and the 3 year old is an absolute psycho with zero fear. I'm not sure if it's a youngest child thing or he's just mental.

15.) ​​​​​​​From earnedmystripes:

After the 2nd ceiling fan replacement, no full golf swings in your room.

16.) From Thompson_S_Sweetback:

If you wake a nap, you take a nap.

To stop brothers from waking other brothers from a much needed nap, which only leads to much more crankiness and turmoil, I had to strictly enforce the rule that the nap waker became the nap taker.

17.) From SleevieNicks:

No licking the parrot and no putting her head inside your mouth and calling it a "vacation". My kid is so weird!!!

18.) From karylyn17:

Don't sit in the toilet. When you're done going potty, call for mom or wipe yourself and get up. Don't slowly sink down into the toilet 😒

19.) ​​​​​​​From Tichrimo:

"Only pee, poo, and toilet paper go in the toilet."

Thankfully, the lesson was learned at the cost of a toothbrush, not a plumbing bill.

20.) From zim3019:

We have so many! Just a few.

No pee jars/bottles. Discovered a jar full of pee in family room closet. Turns out 7 yr old didn't want to go to bathroom so was peeing in the jar. Discovered bottle in teenager's room

No locking siblings in a closet.

No picking anyone up by their ears.

No putting siblings in recycling or trash bins.

No stickers or suckers on the dog. Also, no waffles on the cat.

No putting pancakes between your toes.

No banana fights.

No jinx.

My favorite. I can protect you from your siblings in video games or real life. Pick.

21.) ​​​​​​​From Graytis:

It's been a while, but "no Pop Tarts in the VCR" was one I hadn't anticipated.

22.) From yoteachcaniborrowpen:

No sticking your food between your toes.

Seriously, stop holding your damn carrots between your toes and then eating them.

25 Memes That Will Only Be Funny If You're Home With Your Kids Right Now.

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"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."

-Lane Olinghouse

We're all trying to get accustomed to this new normal of being stuck at home. While it is what's best for everyone's health right now, it does have its challenges. Parents are trying to homeschool their kids, work, and stay sane. If you're home with your kids, you will definitely relate to these hilarious parenting memes.

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12 teachers share funny things they learned about students since switching to online classes.

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Now that many schools are switching to online learning, teachers and students alike are getting a glimpse into each other's home lives. The results can be enlightening, weird and just plain funny.

A recent Reddit thread asked teachers to spill about the funniest, weirdest things they've learned about their kids since making the switch to Skype or Zoom learning. From overactive pets to over-protective parents, these are the best answers.

1. Parents just don't understand — seriously.

That their parents limit computer time and yell at them about using a computer while they're in class. That and a lot of parents are still worried about radiation from using a monitor for too long. Ummm, our school laptops don't have CRTs. - rudeteacher1955

2. Self-isolation is great news for the hot messes among us.

The students who show up a little sloppy to class, crank it up to 11 at home. - Coloradical27

3. You can't say "no pets in school" when school is just your house.

Mostly, I'm getting to see students' pets. I've seen rabbits, birds, and lizards now. - FortressofTrees

4. Hey, it's better than the bathroom floor.

I just got off an online class and my teacher said she saw a student in another class eating cereal on the kitchen floor. - simmigamergurl217

5. Getting your younger sibling to interrupt when the teacher's about to call on you would be a genius move.

It's fun to see my classmates younger siblings coming to annoy them or ask for help with their school stuff. Also, it's amazing to see other pets and their habits, especially when a cat ends calls. - NakoNii

6. Please broadcast preschool Zooms to help cheer people up!

I teach preschool and we’re doing daily zoom meetings... today two kids had a meltdown bc I didn’t talk to them soon enough, one kid wouldn’t stop singing, one kid was playing legos on the floor, and another was literally just running around outside.

Not much different than my everyday tbh 🤷‍♀️ - l-ilac-win-e

7. Again, cute kids seem to be a common denominator.

A lot of my high schoolers have adorable small siblings. We commiserate at their siblings and my toddler interrupting our google meets and at the end of classes we let the kiddos use the screen to hang out - Lets_Call_It_Wit

8. This is a sad one.

my parents yell at each other an awful lot and now classmates of mine who used to be awful to me are unusually polite. My psych teacher recently told me he's always there if I need to talk - sm0ldering_heart

9. Wait — corn dogs aren't good for cats? This changes everything.

Just how SOUTHERN one of my student’s family is. She has no discernible accent (we are in N.C.) but her family sounds like rural Alabama stereotypes. Also, her grandmother said I was an idiot (to my Zoom meeting face!) because I said corn dogs weren’t good for cats. So... I understand why this student is maybe a bit dingy. - AreYouALavaBeaver

10. Who knew online classes could be a ticket to the gun show?

So many fathers don't wear shirts at home. -rudeteacher1955

11. Wow, a parent colluding with their kid to skip class? You love/hate to see it.

One mom swore up and down that she didn’t have a laptop for her kid to do google classroom.

Compromise: take a picture of her son completing the packet I sent home

In the background of the picture: a brand new Mac just hanging out - Banthefrack

12. You kids and your damn videos.

During a video call my dad walked into the kitchen where he forces me to stay. He then started yelling at me about why I am not doing well in my classes is because I am watching videos and wasting my life. (the "video" he was talking about was the teacher's voice through my computer speakers) - O_bomb


Cowboy museum's head of security goes viral after being put in charge of social media accounts.

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Due to lock-ins, school closures and so many other disruptions to daily life, people are being asked to wear a lot of hats. And for one guy, that includes a cowboy hat.

The head of security for the National Cowboy Museum in Oklahoma, known only as Tim, has been tweeting and 'gramming up a storm after his bosses asked him to pull double duty as social media manager and security guard.

In his first tweet on March 17th, he explained that the museum has been closed. While he and his team stay on lookout duty, he'll also be keeping social accounts updated.

The response was immediate excitement, with people whipping out their favorite cowboy gifs and images for the occasion.

He has been steadily updating the masses with photos from the Cowboy Museum and jokes about hashtag use.

He's also using his platform to genuinely educate people about cowboy history.

When asked to post a TikTok, he responded with a picture of an old-timey clock.

He's spotlighting the museum's exhibits, which honestly seem pretty rad. Here's something from the Dorothea Lange section.

He's even posting pictures with celebs. For a novice, this guy knows a thing or two about clout-chasing.

Many are applauding his wholesome, educational and lovable content.

People are trying to get him to grasp the hashtag thing but it seems like a lost cause.

Trips to visit the museum in Oklahoma might be in order.

Even people from Australia are becoming fans.

But not until everyone's cleared to leave home, thank you very much.

24 Memes To Help You Start Your Day Off With A Laugh.

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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone."

-Reba McEntire

If your funny bone is in working order you will find these memes totally entertaining. This list is silly, relatable, and definitely hilarious.

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21 of the funniest posts from people celebrating their birthdays in quarantine.

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Just being we're trapped inside for an unclear and indefinite amount of time doesn't mean we can't celebrate birthdays!

If it's your birthday during the quarantine, you're definitely not going to be able to throw a huge party or go to a crowded bar to ring in your next year. Unfortunately, to keep everyone safe we must stay six feet apart from one another and go out only for emergencies (and that doesn't include ripping shots for your birthday sadly).

However, social media and video calls are keeping us connected and informed during this pandemic better than ever before. Between virtual shows, game nights, online classes and workout videos--we're all getting creative with the tools we have. Fortunately for Aries season, that includes people who are having virtual birthday parties.

Here are 21 of the best and funniest posts from people who are socially distancing for their birthday, but still having a great time...

1. This toilet paper birthday cake.

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2. Social distancing party.

3. Honk from 6 feet away, please.

4. Cupcakes through the screen.

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5. This photoshop rager.

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6. Solo birthday vibes.

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7. It's ok to be grumpy on your quarantine birthday...

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8. This socially responsible 15-year-old.

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9. Oh no.

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11. When your video games pull through.

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13. This is so cute.

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14. Best sister ever.

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16. Love is real.

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18. Nothing can stop the pool party.

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19. So good.

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21. So this is where all the toilet paper went...

People are responding to Ann Coulter accidentally disproving her own false claim about coronavirus.

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Much like the delivery of the mail, Ann Coulter is nothing if not consistent.

Whether she's arguing with doctors about gun violence, getting into fights with authors about immigrant rights, or going on one of her trademark bigoted rants, she is ever a troll, begging people to come for her.

Since it's been far too long since she was heaped with negative attention, Coulter took to Twitter of Tuesday to share her feelings on COVID-19, mainly, that she thinks everyone is making too much of a fuss.

In what was likely a fugue state, Coulter posted a side-by-side of graphs comparing death rates between the flu and COVID-19.

"For people under 60, coronavirus is LESS dangerous than the seasonal flu," she wrote.

However, all it takes is a simple glance at the tweet to see that she's wrong, and likely doesn't understand how graphs work?

People were quick to point out the fact that Coulter apparently doesn't know how to read basic graphs.

Others jumped on the thread to call out Coulter for cherry-picking data from South Korea, the country with the lowest number of COVID-19 casualties, and still managing to get her facts wrong.

It's also important to mention that even if Coulter was right, and COVID-19 was less fatal than the flu for people under 60, she is implying that it's okay for older people to die from the virus, which is deeply ageist.

For most people, bringing up the notion of their parents or grandparents dying of the virus would cause them to step back and muster up empathy, but we all know that Coulter doesn't actually have parents, since she was animated by a witch centuries ago.

16 people share the dumb things their schools wasted money on that nobody liked.

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Reddit the Anyone who has ever been to a school can see that there's no shortage of things you need for an optimal learning environment. With most schools so devastatingly underfunded, you can't help but laugh when you see that the administration spends what little money they have on things like speed bumps and phallic art.

People shared on Reddit what the stupidest things their schools spent money on, and it's a hilarious lesson in what NOT to do.

1. bokodasu's sculpture had to get circumcised.

Our mascot was a rocket, and a certain percentage of school construction money had to be spent on art. They spent $90k commissioning a giant rocket sculpture for the main field entrance. When it was unveiled, the artist had made one tiny change to the design - instead of a pointy rocket tip, he'd gone with a rounded, um, "mushroom" tip. I mean, we thought it was hilarious, especially when they cut off the tip as their solution to the problem, but nobody "liked" it.

2. Probearcanidate buddy bench needs a buddy.

Son's elementary school PTA had an excess of funds. They decided to spend it on a Buddy Bench. A Buddy Bench is a bench that you can sit on if you want buddy. In theory it sounds like a decent idea except that it was placed in the hallway near the office and none of the kids wanted to be identified as someone who didn't have a friend. Nobody ever sits on it.

3. Mrstark1995 went to the Citadel from Game of Thrones.

My school's mascot was a Knight, and it was rumored that the school had the choice of installing a pool at the high school, or to commission a large (think like 25ft long) metal sculpture of a knight on a horse, and to hang it from the ceiling in the back hallway. They opted for the horse.

4. Who needs lockers when there's carbonated milk, Maddie-Moo?

My high school purchased a vending machine that only contained Swerve. What is Swerve, you ask?

Carbonated milk.

5. kawaiisienna is still mad.

When I was still a student, my school spent almost 200k to paint the roads outside our school. You read that right. Almost $200,000 of our Precious Tuition Dollars to PAINT the ROADS OUTSIDE blue and yellow. To pour salt on this painful wound, the paint job didn't even make it through winter. So just to reiterate, Two Hundred Thousand Dollars for 3 months of painted road. I think I'm still angry about it.

6. A reboot of The Breakfast Club, but it's all kids at SmegmaOnDemand's school who wouldn't wear lanyards.

Laminated ID cards that everyone had to wear around their necks on some dorky-a** lanyard. No one f*cking did it, so they made it punishable by detention. After that, half the students still didn't do it and the detention hall became so overwhelmed that they began to make backlogs. After a few weeks, not wearing a lanyard gave you a detention 2 months from then.

Eventually, detention became so backlogged that students started doing more severe transgressions because they would have graduated before they could actually be forced to go to detention. After about a month, no one had the wear their ID cards at all anymore.

They said it was for security purposes; so no one could sneak into the school. The thing is, you could put literally anything in the lanyard, and no one would check if it was your actual student ID card. I had a blank index card in mine and no one ever said anything to me. If someone actually wanted to sneak into the school, all they would need is a lanyard and no one would ever check if it's actually authentic or not.

7. Emergency_Paperclip's school wasn't allowed to have nice things.

Some of my classmates won a bunch of money for our school. Our school was one of the lowest funded schools in the district. The district took the money and spent it on another school.

8. AcceptableRub1 flushed $10,000 down the drain.

Was on boys varsity soccer team in high school. New head coach, wanted to emphasize more analytical approach, and as such, had booster club buy a $10,000 goal post camera. None of the team liked the idea anyway, especially since the girls soccer team used their money for new jerseys and nicer balls and they still made it farther in their playoffs than we did almost every year. As it turns out, the coach couldn't figure out how to put the camera together, and we never used it. Biggest waste of $10,000 I've ever seen.

9. _Sp4rk3y_'s hall monitors had the most fun.

My High school wasted a ton of money buying two golf carts. Their reasoning was it allowed staff to get to any dangerous scenes faster. Except we never had any accidents and they were mostly used for joy rides by the hall monitors.

10. CharisJacox's school at least tried to react to tragedy.

Name tags, shortly after Columbine and all those other shootings peaked in frequency.

It was supposed to keep outsiders from getting in the school unnoticed and shooting everyone but at the time people doing the shootings were always students. So we joked they were bulletproof.

11. A ping pong table is still a table, mywifemademegetthis.

I’m a teacher. My first year, the school leader bought a ping pong table for the lounge in an attempt to make school more fun and relaxing. It simply became a surface to put copies on.

12. Can you hear me now, northsidebandit?

My son's current school sent out an email to parents announcing that they'd like to add voice projection to every class. He's in 1st grade and there are 20 kids in his class, totally unnecessary. They had a demo session and it sounded horrible.

13. Nothing says school spirit like trash, 7_seconds_.

Trash cans with the school logo on them and banners. They tried hyping us up about new trash cans on the morning show.

14. Fortune86 spent money to deprive children of flowers and birds.

The large school yard at my school had a set of planters in the centre. They were basically four triangles made of brick that pointed in at each other and created an X shaped walkways between. The outside sides had a bench each attached.

People would sit and chat to each other on the benches, teachers and students alike. There was very little litter or vandalism. The plants were kinda pretty insofar as any secondary schooler would care to notice. One year a duck made her nest in one of the planters and apart from a few 'oh hey a duck nest' comments it was left alone.

Then for some reason the school decided to rip the planters out. Took them two thirds of the school year to do it and blocked off the X walkways so everyone had to crush by on the outside lanes between classes. Everyone was super curious as to what the planters would be replaced by.

Turns out, nothing. They simply bricked over the holes left by the planters and left it as a huge empty space. We didn't even get new benches so no one had anywhere to sit during break. People started to miss the plants since the lack of colour left the whole area kinda bland. We also kept to the old X walkway since stepping over the former planters felt weird.

15. ShaunaBromley shows their hope for the future.

iPads for the kindergarten. They were intended to have educational apps on them that kids could play on at indoor recess.

Believe it or not, most kindergartners would rather play on the swings or play with dolls than learn to write their name on an app. No one used them, no one liked them and they all broke within two months.

16. RamsesThePigeon is our war correspondent.

My first high school wasted money on a war.

Maybe I should explain.

The school where I spent my freshman and sophomore years had two parking lots, one of which was reserved for faculty and guests. The second one – the place where students could park their cars – was near the back of the campus, and although it was larger and arguably more convenient for many reasons, it became the site of a long-running battle.

See, on one fateful Monday morning, people arrived to discover that dozens of speed bumps had been attached to the asphalt. That probably would have been fine, except for the fact that the mounds in question were much taller than the standard sort, to the point where even the slowest-moving vehicle would end up scraping against them. Complaints (from both students and parents) were quickly filed with the administration, but the official response was that nothing would be done.

Something was done anyway, though.

Nobody ever found out who had been responsible, but a few days later, word started to spread that the speed bumps had been removed. As it turned out, someone – or more likely, a group of someones – had ventured out in the middle of the night, hacked the offending humps from the parking lot, and returned the space to its original state. Needless to say, this didn't sit well with the people in charge of the school, and they wasted no time in taking action... by which I mean that they paid to have new obstacles (which were still too tall) installed.

Another removal happened after that.

Another reconstruction followed... along with the hiring of a dedicated security guard.

To the best of my knowledge, that was when the war finally ended. The ceasefire may have come about because the latest speed bumps were finally short enough to actually get over, but my guess is that the vigilante vandals just gave up. Either way, I'm fairly sure that I wound up experiencing the one moment in history that saw someone being hired for the express purpose of protecting speed bumps.

TL;DR: In a war between students and administrators, it's the speed bumps that suffer.

28 people share stories of meeting celebrities who were really nice in person.

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The saying "never meet your heroes" exists because sometimes our heroes end up being huge a**holes. The combo of high pressure, widespread attention, and a huge pile of money can lead to some pretty unlovable behavior from beloved celebrities. BUT there are plenty of stories of celebrities who don't let fame go to their heads and remain really nice, decent people who tip their servers, graciously accept attention from strangers, and never attack journalists or use racial slurs. These are the heroes you do want to meet. And some people are fortunate enough to meet them.

Someone asked Reddit who is the "nicest celebrity you've ever met?" These 28 people share stories of meeting famous people who turned out to be total mensches:

(No big surprise, Tom Hanks made the list!)

1.) From [deleted]:

Keanu Reeves. Was at coffee shop and no place to sit, a man said please join me here. I sat and realized it was him and talked about comic books for about 30 min. Normal as can be.

2.) From LeCrowing:


I was a sophomore in highschool and my girlfriend and I decided to go to Spooky World. Some of our friends had told us that Kevin Bacon was there, but we didn't believe them. So we're walking by the food vendors when my girlfriend says "OMG, I want some fries!" (It was sophomore year, I'm only assuming this is how she sounded.) A man in hat and sunglasses hears her, walks over to us, and hands her a heaping fry stack. We didn't really know how to react. We kind of just stared. He takes off his glasses and lifts up his hat, and there he is. Kevin Fucking Bacon. He says "Don't worry, my family has plenty", smiles, and walks away. Kevin Bacon is one cool dude.

3.) From nmneedle:

A few years back, my grandmother (then about 75 years old) and Adam Sandler's father had back-to-back chemo appointments in Boston. Every week she would see Adam Sandler, in sunglasses, come with his father to chemo. Her cancer was stage III at this point and she was under a great deal of stress, and honest to God, Adam Sandler used to rub her back and ease her nerves before going in. Unfortunately his Dad died that year, but my grandmother made a full recovery. Never really liked Adam Sandler's stuff that much, but the way he treated my sick, elderly grandmother was incredible.

4.) From banked1:

Dave Chappelle has a history of running very long comedy shows. My buddy and I saw one of his shows a while back. It ran very very late, until almost 4am (on a weekday), by the end, almost the entire crowd had trickled out- to get up early for work the next day and what not. Only about a dozen of us remained at the show by this point. Dave invited us to all play basketball with him the next afternoon. He had rented out an entire gym for an hour. Of course my buddy and I took him up on the offer. We played pick up hoops with Dave Chappelle for over an hour. After everyone finished playing, a handful of us stuck around and shot the shit with Dave. He bought us all fruit smoothies and gave us free tickets to his show the next night. SUPER nice guy, just like he is on TV. Couldn't have been any cooler

5.) From adhoc_lobster:

Paul Rudd. I was at a Decemberists concert, and in between opening acts, I headed to the women's bathrooms. Paul Rudd was standing outside of the bathroom, obviously waiting for someone. Do you ever have one of those moments where your mouth just says words without the permission of your brain? Yeah. As I passed by Paul Rudd, I did finger guns at him and said, "Hanging out in front of the women's bathroom? That's a good way to pick up women." and kept walking. I could hear him laughing as I entered the bathroom. I was torn between being pleased that I made him laugh and being mortified that I was such a dork. When I left the bathroom, he saw me and started laughing again, so I went over to him and said I had no idea why I said that. So we had a little laugh together, and had a nice little chat. He was a really nice guy, not even as a celebrity, just as a cool dude.

Although thinking back on it, no woman came out of the bathroom and came over to him while he was waiting, so I still don't know why he was hanging around outside of the bathrooms. Maybe he WAS picking up women. ಠ_ಠ

6.) From loud-ah:

Michael Caine. My family and I were having lunch at a restaurant and he was sitting at the table next to us... My sister's boyfriend cracks out a line that his character says in Children of Men...

Ok, the Human Project gives this great, big dinner for all the scientists and sages in the world. They're tossing around theories about the ultimate mystery: why are all the women infertile? Why can't we make babies anymore? So, some say it's genetic experiments, gamma rays, pollution, same ol', same ol'. So, anyway, in the corner, this Englishman's sitting, he hasn't said a word, he's just tuckin' in his dinner. So, they decide to ask him, they say, "Well, why do you think we can't make babies anymore?" And he looks up at 'em, he's chewin' on this great big wing and he says "I haven't the faintest idea," he said, "but this stork is quite tasty isn't he?"

He chuckles and acknowledges our presence... when he stands up to leave my mother tells him that she just has to tell him that he is her favorite actor, that anything he makes, she loves... he walks up to her, kiss her on the had, and tells her she made his day.

7.) From jbibby:

Tom Hanks.

Was at a friends wedding at the Wynn in Las Vegas and were taking pictures in the Atrium (also the VIP Entrance). He emerged from the double doors behind our group and said "Hey! Is this a wedding? Can I be in the pictures?" Everyone was quite pissed off until we realized it was Tom-Fucking-Hanks.

He took pictures with the whole group and was a general all around great guy.

Wedding!

EDIT: Here's the moment we all realized it was Forrest Gump.

8.) From shellshoq:

Tom Hanks doesn't just seem like the nicest guy. I was a nanny for a Hollywood family, met hundreds of A-listers. Most of them were self-obsessed wankers, but Tom took the time to shake my hand and made sure he learned my name. He never forgot it. Also he would always say "There's a snake in my boot!" for the youngest of my charges, which obviously made him laugh hysterically.

9.) From sultree:

Believe it or not, Marilyn Manson. This was 2000. My brother had cancer and got the chance to meet him. He brought my brother all sorts of memorabilia and sat and chatted to him for a few hours, playing TV games with him, playing guitar, even reading Beano comics. All in the comfort of my own home. My brother passed away 3 weeks later and was in his M.M t-shirt when he passed.

10.) From [deleted]:

Working in a magic shop in my 20s, Muhammad Ali came in. My boss (huge Ali fan from back in the day) was visibly staggered. I guess Ali was his idol when he was younger.

Ali hung around for a couple hours, we did some tricks for him, he did some for us (pretty good, too, considering his hands trembled and he didn't talk). He was totally beyond cool with us taking some pictures (he posed my boss punching him in the chin), and wrote a "thank you" post card to us a week or so later...

...he signed it "Cassius Clay, oops, I mean Muhammad Ali"

11.) From MaynardJayTwa:

Ryan Gosling paid for my parking on Hollywood Blvd once. We had parked in the same parking lot. He was leaving and we were arriving and I struck up a convo with him real quick.

He asked where I was from and why I was there/who I was with. (Spring Break, 9 friends, 2 cars). And he was like "Oh you guys have 40 bucks to drop on just parking? Must be loaded" I chuckled and was about to say something back and he just says the coolest thing to me.

"Don't worry about parking today man, I'll cover you all for the weekend. Have a fun spring break!"

It was so cool. He is JUST as nice in real life as you think he would be.

Here's the Proof, I'm in the White.

12.) From Possum_Pendulum:

I went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney with Tony Hawk. He had given me his autograph earlier at a convention and we just happened to be in line together. He was really cool.

13.) From counterspell:

Don Cheadle. Gave me a tip on some salmon to buy at Whole Foods.

14.) From Tophloaf:

Alison Brie. Ran into her and a few friends at a really tiny winery in Sonoma. Super cool, took some pictures with us and had us take some goofy pictures with her and her friends. She was awesome and kept saying how nice we were for telling her we loved her!

Go Trudy!

15.) From JuhnkmastaaJ:

I waited on John Malkovich a couple of years ago. Fairly low key and unassuming, he seemed just as strange as you would expect him to be. We had butcher paper and crayons on the tables at this place (kind of an art themed joint) and he drew picture of a little house. Still have the drawing to this day.

16.) From usofunnie:

George Takei. He stopped a press conference I was observing to meet a little boy and sign his doll because he was sick and going home, and the meet n greet wasn't scheduled until later. The reporters looked a little put off, but George gave that little kid 100% of his attention for two minutes or so. I could see the kid's day was made.

17.) From [deleted]:

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. He was walking out of the restroom at my work place. I commented, "I smelled what The Rock was cooking" as we passed each other in the hallway. He turned back and gave me the People's Eyebrow. Actually got to chat with him a little while, and led him to the edit bay that he was looking for.

18.) From HypatiaofEdmonton:

When I was a kid, like 2 or 3, I often saw an old man at a grocery store with a small, white dog. The man came up to me one day and handed me a basket. He said I could walk the dog while filling up the basket with candy (which he then later paid for). This became the routine whenever I saw that man at the grocery store. Walk dog, get candy.

That man was Gene Wilder. I got candy from Willy Wonka himself.

19.) From [deleted]:

Ewan Mcgregor, Ewan Mcgregor, Ewan Mcgregor.

Literally the nicest guy ever in existence. Also, he can put the booze away - drunk a 6 foot 2 security guard mate of mine under the table.

20.) From Ill_Nation:

I was an extra on Harold and kumar 3 and I got to meet some of the cast, I ended up talking to kal pen (kumar) for a while. Later he added me on Facebook and gave me his email. Turns out we were interested in the same academia. We've kept in touch since and he told me he owes me a beer next time he's in the area. Coolest guy I've met and thankful to call him a friend.

21.) From SchlapHappy:

My girlfriend's mom lives in a house on a private island off of Miami Beach. The girlfriend and I are down there on vacation last summer and I am fixing the tail light on her mom's car when I see Lenny Kravitz walking up with his little dog. He says something along the lines of, "I have never seen you around before." I said I was visiting with my girlfriend. I will never forget this "tall chick?" "Ya." Then he got this big smile on his face and said, "right on." He high fives me and walked away. At that moment I knew what cool was and I knew I would never have it.

22.) From Blu3j4y:

Nicest - Marie Osmund. My ex-girlfriend used to babysit her kid. I met her on some riverboat party that she was hosting for something. She was lovely.

Coolest - Dave Grohl. Had some beers with him in Las Vegas. I asked him if her was playing in town, and he said "No. Just hangin' out." So we drank beer and talked about stuff.

23.) From [deleted]:

Hayden Panettiere, who is the only celebrity I ever met, which was at Philadelphia Comic Con. She was super nice and took the time to talk to me and answer some of my questions and make small talk with me. Her publicist or whoever it was at the booth with her was trying to rush me along, as was the comic con staff/volunteers - but Hayden was like 'no, I want to talk to him let him say what he wants to say". It really meant a lot to me.

24.) From 500channels:

Luke Wilson.

He golfed at the private course I work at. Could not have been nicer. Chatted with me for at least half an hour and answered all the crazy questions I had about Old School, That 70s Show, and Idiocracy. After all this he asked me where the men's locker room was so I obliged and he slapped me a 50$. I work at a non-tipping course so he knew he didn't have to. As he left he said, "It was nice meeting you, 500channels," to which I replied, "The pleasure was all mine, Godfather."

25.) From nesshin_chan:

Morgan Freeman. We're both from the same state (Mississippi). I was having lunch near his home town when I noticed him. He took the time to talk to me, despite my epic fan grin, and paid for my food before he left. Best lunch I ever had.

So in conclusion I met God.

26.) From chinodelarosa:

Emma Stone.

As I was being all tourist-y in the NBC Store at the Rockefeller Center in New York, I heard someone with a very familiar voice chatting it up with the cashier. I remember the cashier asking that person when she's going to go the natural route with her hair color again. Lo and behold, it was Emma Stone. Her name escaped me at first but I mustered the courage to go up to her and ask if she's "the one who's gonna play Mary Jane Watson in the upcoming Spider-Man remake." She smiled and said no, but she was going to be Gwen Stacy. She had who I'm assuming is her assistant with her and they seemed to be in a rush because she was going to host SNL that time but she graciously posed for a picture with me.

Proof. I'm blurred out a bit because the assistant guy was the one who took the photo and he was the one scrambling to get out of that place.

27.) From [deleted]:

Paris Hilton. My car broke down on an autobahn in Germany. Managed to coast to sort of layby thing with a burger van and toilets in it. I was in a bad state because I can't speak any German, my phone had no credit and I didn't have my breakdown details with me so I had no idea what to do.

I unsuccessfully asked the guy in the burger van for help and he apparently didn't speak English so rather pathetically I started to cry. Then this big old American guy appeared and offered me a cup of tea in his motor home (it wasn't proper tea but that's besides the point). In the van was another guy and friggin Paris Hilton! I kid ye not.

She was sweet and made me a sandwich and gave me a hug then proceeded to talk to me for 30mins about some old radio bits she'd bought in some show in Freidrichshafen. I didn't understand most of it. She said that when she wasn't working she liked to drive about Europe going to radio and air shows as if she put a hat on nobody ever recognised her.

Then they towed me to a garage at about 40km per hour (scarey stuff on the autobahn). Oh yeah and she sat in my car and asked if it was ok before she smoked.

TL:DNR Paris Hilton saved me in Germany and towed me to a garage

28.) From AKPhilly1:

When Joe Biden was a Senator I accidentally walked in on him while he was in the stall of an Amtrak bathroom. He sat there awkwardly for a second and then said "I'd shake your hand but I don't think either of us want that."

17 of the funniest posts from millennials about being accused of not social distancing.

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The COVID-19 pandemic has started a bit of a battle between the generations.

While Gen X is getting credit for being the most responsible when it comes to social distancing and taking the virus seriously, millennials are getting blamed for celebrating spring break, crowding beaches and bars and selfishly ignoring advice to self-isolate since they believe the infection won't hurt them significantly.

Lots of jokes have been make about Gen Xers being the most equipped to handle self-isolating as they were the latchkey generation, but millennials are also familiar with coming home from school alone and entertaining themselves. Most Baby Boomers and Gen Xers forget that millennials are actually not the youngest generation anymore, and we can't blame everything on them being "lazy, entitled and living in their parent's basements" especially when they're strapped with serious student loan debt and a gig economy!

There's a new generation in town and it's Gen Z, everyone. Let's not forget that even the youngest millennials are no longer in college. So sorry to throw you under the bus, Gen Z, but millennials are not going on "Spring Break." Some millennials have children, and most are currently panicking on Zoom meetings...

If you're confused, here's a chart:

Still, people are trying to place the blame somewhere.

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And millennials had to defend themselves against the generation-shamers. Millennials unite!

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Stay safe, healthy and inside (if you can!) everyone.


20 people share stories of the weird infamous person in their neighborhood.

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We've all had "that neighbor" at some point.

Maybe it's the trope of an old man sitting on his porch ready to aim at his shotgun at any trespassers, or perhaps we have a free-spirited woman who collects chimes and roams the yards nude, whatever iteration, "that neighbor" is always someone who is deeply themselves.

In a popular Reddit thread, people shared stories of "that person" from their neighborhood and the antics range from wholesome to disturbing.

1. From xwhocares3x:

Mack is a 72 year old white man who is the best neighbor ever. He climbed up on my roof in the freezing rain to help me patch it without asking. He let me use his boat to take my son fishing. I came home one Sunday afternoon and he gave me 3 dozen brown eggs and 6 pounds of bacon.

He has orange grapefruit trees that he gives me fruit from. I borrowed a 5 gallon gas container from him one time to get gas for my lawnmower. I returned it full even though I got it empty and he refused to take it back. I had to put the gas in my truck to empty it out before he would take it back.I thought moving from the city to the country was going to be bad. Best move I ever made.

2. From TaddWinter:

I'm in a new neighborhood and THAT guy thus far is definitely this guy who is 50ish and has a ton of RC vehicles that he often sits on his porch and speeds them around. I've seen half a dozen different cars and a helicopter.

The other day I saw two boys playing with their own RC car and I see one run over and knock on the guys door, they talk for a minute and the kid runs back over to his friend and they both bring their car to him, and he begins working on it, apparently fixing it. Pretty cool.

3. From dontbthatguy:

At my parents house I grew up with a man that leaf blows his yard EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Without fail around 3 pm that annoying wail of a leaf blower would start up and not end for at least a half hour.

Weekends he would start at 9 in the am. He would start on his roof then blow off his whole yard. One day he couldn't get it started. He threw it in the garage, got into his car and bought a new one an hour later.

My neighbor's kids glued leaves on his driveway to mess with him.

Rain would only postpone the annoyance. Once it had stopped raining for a few minutes he would be out there.

Really stunk in the summer time. I would get home from working construction all day and just want to take a nap and without fail as my head hit the pillow I would hear that dreaded whir of that blower.

4. From peanutjam:

We have a guy affectionately known as bus stop man. He's always at the bus stop. That guy can get off a bus, ten minutes later, you see him getting off another bus at the same stop. You go to the local market and boom, bus stop man is getting off the bus there. He's been seen getting off the bus with a fridge, a lawn mower, two chairs, a cat (not in a carrier) and various other household articles.

5. From catmoon:

Opera man practices opera on his balcony. Not with lyrics, or arpeggios, or any vocal exercises. He just sings one note with a theatric vibrato at the top of his lungs for an hour each afternoon.

6. From Kwijybodota:

There's this old guy who lives by himself. I think he's about an 80+ veteran. He jogs every morning with this never ending smile on his face while waving/nodding to everyone he gets eye contact with. I really feel that despite his solitude in life, he's much happier than most of the people in our town. I want be his kind of "that guy" when i grow old.

7. From CheddaCharles:

My dad has been yelling at kids to get out of his yard since he was 11.

8. From capndicktits:

One of my 30-something redneck neighbors really likes air duster. He enjoys blacking out on it and smashing his truck into my house.

9. From eyesupheelsdown:

I might have been THAT neighbor growing up...lived on a farm near a suburban neighborhood. Frequently my pet goats would wander into the neighborhood, and I would have to go retrieve them from people's yards since they ate all the plants and ruined the landscaping or whatnot. Picture an 8 year old girl come out of the woods on a pony, luring a herd of goats into following her using a bag of Cheetos. Yeah, that's me.

10. From DougSR:

I have a 74 year old former preacher that sits in his garage and smokes and drinks all day. He's the greatest watchdog I've ever had. Wouldn't trade him for the world.

11. From IAmTheWaIrus:

We have a woman down the street from us that everyone just calls "the crazy lady". The speed limit is 30mph and if you go over 23mph I can promise you that she'll come running into the street yelling at you to slow down. All times of the day, she's just watching and waiting.

She's gone to half of my friends parents to tell them how awful their child is at driving (even when they don't violate any laws) and how they should take away their driving privileges. She'll even follow you home just to yell at you. She'll often call the police and ask them to shoot radar in the neighborhood, or set up one of those speed signs.

So now it's a game, how fast can you drive by her house? I've set the alarm off on the speed sign with remote control cars, my bike, anything other than a car just to piss her off. Other people just lay on their horn as they drive by and give her the one finger salute.

12. From dubis98:

My dad is the guy that stands in our front yard and waves at cars trying to get them to slow down.

13. From luke4294:

There's someone in my dorm who continuously pees all over the floor.

14. From Pete_Worst:

This old Asian lady takes morning walks with a parrot on her shoulder. I saw her driving once and she had the parrot on her shoulder in the car with her. It's a real goddamn parrot too.

15. From _suelovessurprises:

We live next door to a family with two daughters who sing acoustic covers of Taylor Swift songs out in their yard on a regular basis. Almost everyday, even. School nights they go at it before dinner. Weekends are the worst.

EDIT: I feel like I should elaborate, only because I don't want people to think I'm THAT old cat lady next door who hates her neighbors' musical kids. They can get really obnoxious some days. And when I say "weekends are the worst", it's because karaoke is very popular in my country. And my next-door neighbors own a karaoke machine. I kid you not.

16. From RealLifeAprilLudgate:

We have a guy who walks up and down the street and mumbles all day. One day he stripped naked and ran up and down the street until the cops came.

We also have a crazy horse girl who likes to gallop up and down the street and make realistic sounding horse noises after she comes home from school. She's 17.

17. From matlaz423:

THAT guy in our neighborhood is Elvis.

After Cambodia was ravaged by the Vietnam War, he came to the United States penniless, alone, and not speaking a word of English. He managed to find a factory job where he learned his first bit of English: "Thank you very much.", earning his nickname.

As the years passed, he met and married another Cambodian refugee a world away whose entire village and family were decimated. They built a family and a life for themselves in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

Elvis became friendly with another Cambodian man, Sam, at his factory eventually inviting him for dinner. Sam and Elvis' wife get talking about their lives in Cambodia, eventually discovering they're long-lost siblings.

Unbeknownst to Elvis and his wife, two lonely refugees had an entire family they didn't know about on the opposite side of the world only a few miles away.

The second the house next to Elvis' went up for sale, Sam and his huge family of kids and grandkids moved next store.

They are kind and generous neighbors that host huge family parties nearly every weekend. Our neighborhood is lucky to have them.

TL:DR- Refugees find their family on the opposite side of the globe and become model neighbors.

18. From Japandrew89:

I live in a small town in Japan where many people bike to work. I work at city hall, and every morning when I bike to work, there's this older guy in a blue jacket with a HUGE afro smoking in the bike parking area. He just stands there and stares at people as they go into city hall. As a white guy, I stand out from everyone else, so whenever he sees me, he always starts to walk over, and the frantic race of me trying to lock my bike and get away before he comes over begins.

One day, I dropped my bike key, and spent a few extra seconds fumbling with it on the ground, allowing him to reach where I had parked my bike. He stood there, maybe like a foot away from me, just staring. Not saying anything. It was super creepy so I quickly ran inside. He proceeded to stand there, smoking, staring at my bike for maybe 10 minutes. Even when I get away before he gets to where I am, he still stands there and stares at my bike.

He always wears a big blue jacket, jeans, and pink crocs. He comes to the city hall parking lot to smoke every morning except when it's rainy. Sometimes I see him scooting around town on a razor scooter.

I've always wanted to ask the other people in my office about him, but I've never heard anyone mention him, and I'm afraid they'll all say they've never seen him and he'll turn out to be a scary Japanese ghost that only I can see.

19. From Runningleprechaun:

His name is Maximilian, and insists he be addressed by his full name. He drives his Porsche around our 5k loop of houses at 60 miles an hour at 2am while blasting low quality rap music.

20. From staygolden17:

I live in an apartment complex with assigned spots, and every day this twatwaffle in a white civic encroaches into my parking spot. So every day I have been parking closer and closer to her car. Like, I'm getting really f*cking good at parking close enough to her without hitting her.

A few days ago, I'm walking to my car to head out to work and I see her climbing through her passenger side door to get into her car, cursing up a storm. She sees me, we lock eyes as she's climbing over her middle console, starts her car and drives away. Since that incident she has stayed in between the lines of her parking spot.

People respond to Cardi B criticizing asymptomatic celebs for getting coronavirus tests.

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In just four minutes (and eleven seconds), Cardi B tackled criticized Trump for his pandemic response, dragged celebrities for using their celebrity to get tested even without symptoms, and hit on the massive inequality of the American healthcare system.

Cardi pointed—with her long and sharp nails, so you know it hurt—at Trump failing to heed to warnings that the pandemic was coming to the States, and failing to secure enough testing kits for help contain the virus.

Nothing but respect for MY Uncle Sam.

Sporting a surgical mask, Cardi explained how out-of-touch her fellow famous people are when it comes to the pandemic, dragging them to hell without even mentioning that "Imagine" video. Cardi ranting > other celebrities singing.

With a finite amount of tests available, Cardi criticized celebs for using their privilege to secure ones for themselves, even without symptoms.

View this post on Instagram

I said what I said

A post shared by Cardi B (@iamcardib) on

"If [Trump] is saying, ‘'f you don’t have any symptoms of the coronavirus do not get tested because we don’t have enough tests,' but a celebrity is saying, 'I don’t have symptoms but I got tested and I’m positive,' that causes confusion," she said, seemingly referring to Idris Elba's positive diagnosis.

According to Cardi, asymptomic celebs Kris Jenner and Heidi Klum are also "causing confusion" among people who can't afford to social distance.

She said:

That make people be like, wait a minute now, I don't have no symptoms, but I know I went out this and that day. S***, I might just have it. S***, I'm scared because I'm around my kid, I'm around my grandparent. What should I do?

And let me tell you something, the general public, people that work regular jobs, people that get regular paychecks, the middle class, the poor – they not getting treated like the high, the ones up here, celebrities and everything.

A lot of celebrities might have the luxury to pay $34,000 or however much is costs to get tested. A lot of people don't have that money and can't even afford healthcare.

She said what she said.

Cardi also argued that because the crisis was worsened by the Trump administration's lack of preventative measures, the government should cover all testing and treatment costs.

"The government should take that sh*t, should charge that sh*t to the game, and not charge people for it, it shouldn't be charging no motherfucking Medicaid, health insurance, none of that shit," she declared.

People are applauding the rapper for providing one of the best explanations of the pandemic yet, and for standing up for the working class.

Like Jenny From The Block, no matter where she goes, she knows where she came from.

Healthcare workers applauded her for shedding light on these issues.

Shout out to Cardi for using her popularity and platform to do something over than skip the COVID-19 test line.

18 parents share the moment they realized their child 'wasn't a kid anymore.'

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Life comes at ya fast, but even more so when your a parent. One minute there's a crying baby in your arms, the next minute you're a crying baby in their arms as they hug you goodbye on their way to college. Even before a kid turns 18 and becomes a "legal adult," there are lots of smaller moments when parents realize their child has matured and grown up right before their eyes. These moments are exciting and heartbreaking all at once, which pretty much sums up parenthood.

Someone asked parents of Reddit: "when was your 'damn, my kid isn’t a kid anymore' moment?" These 18 parents share their moments of reckoning that will likely make any parent (or child of a parent) cry, so read with kleenex nearby:

1.) From Sixthman27:

When I was starting to get after my son about cleaning his room, and suddenly realized I was looking up at him

2.) From ncconch:

When I started plating four same sized plates of food for dinner.

3.) From gogojack:

I was on vacation in the Bahamas. Atlantis resort. I was in the casino at a video poker machine, and my daughter sat down at the machine next to me...drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

For about a nanosecond I wanted to scold her, but then remembered that she was 20.

That was 2009. She turned me into a grandpa last year.

4.) From LittleMissWu:

The day I found my Unscented Lubriderm chilling on his nightstand.

oh. so that's now a thing.

5.) From Crazyyy_Cat_Ladyyy:

With the quarantine now, my son (10) is often chatting with classmates while playing Fortnite. His friends were getting really rowdy. My son asked them to quiet down and got hit by a full-blown tantrum shitstorm of "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO BE QUIET! IMA BLOCK YOU! TAKE THAT BACK, YOU *?$#!@!"
My son just calmly said "Bye", and hung up. Worked it out once the situation had cooled down.
He handles conflict better than I do. He's teaching me how to be a better person. This is not a kid anymore.

6.) From tarnin:

When my oldest just recenty said "Mom, Dad, I'm moving. Here are my plans, this is who I'm moving in with, and here is how I'll handle my part of the bills". Hit me like a ton of bricks.

7.) From Pointer_Brother:

When she looked at me with disdain & said "take your money back" after the tooth fairy visited. She's 7.

8.) From imk:

Running through the Toronto airport trying to catch our flight that was leaving in 5 minutes. I hear “Dad! Not that way, this way!” She basically took charge from that moment on because she had a cooler head in that moment than I did. We made it to the plane with seconds to spare.

9.) From lost40s:

Besides the fact that he's made me a grandmother (with help from my lovely daughter in law, obviously), there was a recent family tragedy, and they really stepped up and took charge when it was needed. I'm really proud of them (son and daughter in law).

10.) From Rimbosity:

Took my son to Disneyland last SummerSummer if 2018. He was 5'8" or so. Still shorter than I am.

He's now 6'3" and wears a size 14 shoe. Towers over me by five inches.

This summer, he gets his learner's permit to start driving... virus permitting.

11.) From MrRGG:

Daughter 22 just moved 4 states away, to a place she's never been, for a job with a company move. She dealt with many of the company move issues and with finding a place to live and setting up her own utilities.

She is went from girl to grownup in a heartbeat.

I still have whiplash from the change.

12.) From pullin2:

When he hugged me as I buckled into my airline seat -- then walked forward and entered the cockpit.

13.) From harpejjist:

Kid did something dumb so I was scolding him. Then I realized he was looking back at me. In the eye. As in he was my height. He was 9.

I stopped mid-scold and said "Oh, my god, are you as tall as me?" Scolding completely derailed. After that, any time he was in trouble, he wold stand as tall as possible. It was cute. But he was no longer my little baby anymore.

14.) From 64Marc:

Walking down the road with my son to vote in the general election, two days after his 18th.

15.) From dirtandstarsinmyeyes:

My daughter stealing my hair straightener every day before school. It was the beginning of the end. Now she’s a cool tween that teaches me tick tock dances and spills tea about her friends to me.

16.) ​​​​​​​From Jumpinalake:

She just got approved to buy her own home

17.) ​​​​​From douchebagfukboi:

When he dropped me and the Mrs off at the airport when we went on vacation.

18.) ​​​​​​​From chocfrogaddict:

We were shopping and I was looking at dish drainers. I didn't like any but mine was falling apart. He said "why don't you wait and go to a store where you know they have what you want? That way you're not buying something you don't really like and won't use when you finally buy one you do and wasting money"

Kid has a point. I did not buy the dish drainer

25 people share dark, weird and NSFW moments from children's TV shows.

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In theory, children's shows would be bright, cheery spots in a television world full of bleak plotlines. But a lot of children's show writers opt to infuse the shows with darker themes, sometimes overt and sometimes subliminal.

As adults, it can be wild to rewatch our childhood favorites and realize just how many dark and traumatizing plotlines aired on children's shows. In some cases, they were included to teach kids an important life lesson, other times - the writers were on a sadistic tear or there was a legitimate blip in programming.

In a popular Reddit thread, people jumped on to share the darkest and most NSFW moments in children's television.

It'll either ruin your childhood, or give you a deeper respect for the people who created your favorite shows.

1. From AlwaysWantsIceCream:

Too many episodes of Hey Arnold. Like finding out Stoop Kid stayed on his stoop because he was abandoned there and was homeless but hopelessly waiting for someone to come back for him. How Monkey Man was mentally ill and also homeless. That one where you learn Grandpa and his sister had a lifelong rift because the only good thing in their life as children, their puppy, got killed by a car in front of them and they each blamed the other. How Lila and her dad are squatters to keep from being homeless. How the kids on the show routinely get mugged.

Or how Mr. Hyun hates Christmas because that's the anniversary of the day he handed his baby daughter off to an American soldier to get her out of the war zone because he wasn't sure they'd survive, then spent the rest of his life working to immigrate to America to try and find her only having the name of the city to work from and ended up missing her whole childhood because he was too poor to hire a private investigator. Until Helga literally sold the shoes off her feet to hire one to make Arnold happy.

Oh, and how Helga is obsessed with Arnold because she grew up neglected by an alcoholic mother and aggressive narcissistic father who only cared about her older sister, and Arnold was literally the first person in her entire life to show her any kindness when, as a preschooler, he offered to share his umbrella because her parents forgot to take her to her first day of preschool and she had to walk in the rain, by herself, with no coat, as a 4 year old in what we can only assume is New York City.

So yeah, that show was supremely jacked up.

2. From Paralta:

I remember that episode of the Magic School Bus when that ginger dude took off his helmet in space after being told not to and his dome turned to ice or something like that. Spooked me as a kid.

3. From DrHugh:

There was a story from Chicago's golden age of children's television, at WGN in the 1950s. A chimpanzee was the sidekick to a host, and would do interstitials to Three Stooges shorts. One time they had a guest who had a parakeet that could perform various tricks. Here's the quote from the book:

"The bird, perched on the woman's hand, went through a series of of routines as Greyson [the host] and Chatter [the chimpanzee] looked on. In the middle of the act, Chatter suddenly grabbed the bird, bit its head off, and, without missing a beat, placed the carcass back on the shocked woman's hand. As his guest crumpled to the floor, a stunned Greyson stared at his partner and the station cut quickly to a commercial."

That's pretty f*cked up.

EDIT: Here's the URL to Google books' result, but I own the actual book and grew up watching the 1970s' shows.
https://books.google.com/books?id=INzdDAAAQBAJ&lpg=PA20&ots=3Dr8V9MfPw&dq=greyson%20chatter%20bird%20carcass&pg=PA20#v=onepage&q=greyson%20chatter%20bird%20carcass&f=false

4. From PFCSpoonman411:

Remember when Spongebob and Mr. Krabs murdered and buried the health inspector?

5. From Gamingshard:

That episode of Thomas the Tank Engine when Thomas visits the scrap heap where all the dead/dying trains are, I remember watching it as a kid and not even thinking about how Thomas is basically surrounded by a bunch of corpses or people left to die.

6. From Roland_T_Flakfeizer:

Either the series finale of Alf in which Alf is captured by the government presumably to be experimented on, or the series finale of Dinosaurs in which the entire civilization is destroyed.

7. From jae1xp:

There's this Hey Arnold episode called the Ghost Bride and the story is basically that this lady was madly in love with her fiancé but was stood up at the altar because he had fallen in love with her sister and married her the very next day.

So the lady goes berserk and puts on her wedding dress, gets an axe from her basement, walks to the newlywed couple's home, KILLS THEM BOTH IN THEIR BEDS, and when the cops come, she's rocking back and forth in a rocking chair next to the bodies, throwing rice on them and humming the wedding march. To finish it all off, she immediately jumps out of the window and kills herself.

8. From Funandgeeky:

There was a "very special" anti drug episode of the 80's cartoon BraveStarr. In this episode, a couple of kids get hooked on a new drug. At the end of of the episode, one of the kids died from an overdose. 30+ years later and I'm not sure how many Children's Shows even today would kill a kid.

9. From Wait___Ok:

Not really as messed up as a lot of these, but still creepy.

That episode of Tom and Jerry where Tom gets depressed and sits on a railroad track, waiting for a train to come. Then Jerry comes to join him sitting down. The episode cuts to black and ends, and it never mentions it after that.

Strange.

10. From Gr1ml0ck:

Not exactly on the children’s show itself, but about 20 years ago during a midday episode of the Spider-Man cartoon, the news broke in to cover a live high speed chase that ended in a stand off on a popular Los Angeles freeway. The suspect abruptly blew the top of his own head off with a rifle on live television. The top of his head literally flapped open like can of spaghetti-o’s. Camera caught everything.

I assure you - kids watching that were never the same.

11. From LifeIsBizarre:

Henry the tank engine was bricked up inside an abandoned tunnel for having anxiety while Ringo Star mocked him.

12. From jusisgrand:

As a child I remember being fairly traumatized over a series called David the Gnome where he and his wife reach 400 and die together in the finale. They actually become cherry trees intertwined together in the next plain. I remember trying to explain to my mother why I was crying so hard watching the TV but she didn't get it.

13. From EmirFassad:

Soupy Sales in 1965:

<Pasted from Wikipedia>

New Year's Day incident[edit] On January 1, 1965, miffed at having to work on the holiday, Sales ended his live broadcast by encouraging his young viewers to tiptoe into their still-sleeping parents' bedrooms and remove those "funny green pieces of paper with pictures of U.S. Presidents" from their pants and pocketbooks. "Put them in an envelope and mail them to me", Soupy instructed the children.[12] Several days later, substantial amounts of money had begun arriving in the mail; Sales stated that the total amount received was in the thousands of dollars but qualified that by stating that much of that was in play money.[13] Sales said he had been joking and that whatever real money had been sent would be donated to charity, but as parents' complaints increased, WNEW's management suspended Sales for two weeks.[14]

14. From thisisminenow:

Movie rather than TV show but if I think of, "That's really dark for kids" my mind always jumps to Clayton's death at the end of Tarzan. Dude accidentally hanging himself with a vine is pretty dark.

15. From GET_THE_DAMN_PLIARS:

There was an episode of Spongebob where Squidward got brain damage and thought he was a baby. Then the rest of the episode is just Spongebob and Patrick throwing him about and shit. New Spongebob is just plain sadistic at times.

16. From deevlash:

Megatron executing Ironhide by shooting him in the head point blank as he crawled along the floor in Transformers the Movie in 1986.

17. From onyxonix:

A few years ago (don't remember the year) New Jersey accidentally played hardcore porn in the time slot for a children's TV show. They played Mandy gets a Handy instead of Handy Manny.

18. From random_namez:

In the original Power Puff Girls there was this episode called "Buttercrush" that I never really forgot. Buttercup sort of got into a relationship with the leader of the Gangreen Gang but the leader kept on taking advantage of her and she had no idea. It gets to the point where she ditches her sisters to hang out with him, but he just keeps on using her.

Of course at the end she realized what was going on and beat him up, though. I guess it really wasn't that dark or anything, but it always made me feel sick inside when I saw it. Maybe it was partly about age difference, but it was the first time I saw a relationship like that in a cartoon.

19. From Picard2331:

It was pretty f*cked up when Invader Zim had a plan to harvest the organs of children to make himself seem human.

At the end Zim was an enormous mass of stolen organs while other kids were walking around with soda cans instead of lungs.

Great show.

20. From fuggingh3ll:

The Looney Tunes where the bulldog I think his name is Cesar or Romeo any way he wants to keep a kitten his owner is already mad so he tried to hide kitten stuff happens and he ends up believing the kitten was baked into cookies and the owner gives him a cat shaped cookie and hes crying puddles of tears and grabs the cookie pretending it's the kitty completely traumatized.

21. From corinoco:

The Dark Crystal. Full of complete nightmare fuel. I can only assume it got a G rating is because someone said “oh, look it’s Henson and his puppet things, that must be for kids.”

The astronomer / witch / guru getting burnt to death? The noise the Skeksis make? The giant cockroach army? It’s not for kids!

22. From Darth_Mufasa:

Well the premise to Avatar the Last Airbender is a literal genocide of the protagonists entire people.

23. From Sabretooth1100:

Half of the things in Star Wars the Clone Wars could qualify. One notable example was when a corrupt general attempted to order his slave soldiers to court martial some of their dissenting brothers and execute them via firing squad.

24. From nezahualcoyotl90:

Nobody’s mentioned the show Are You Afraid of the Dark. That shit was the most psychologically damaging show I ever watched as a child.

The one that has haunted me to this day was an episode in which one way or another a young boy gets locked up in a jail cell and gets left behind in the freakin dark! That’s how the episode ends with him shouting and crying in the dark. Some Franz Kafka shit right there.

25. From Hykalia:

That deer in Adventure Time. He had kidnapped everyone in a city and then systematically covered them with his orange saliva and stuck them to the side of the wall in a sewer.

22 people share the strangest 'wrong number' phone calls they've ever picked up.

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Back in the day when people actually picked up the phone when it rang, it was pretty common to receive calls from people who had meant to call someone else. Wrong number phonecalls forge a brief, random connection between two strangers that can be all kinds of strange. Much stranger and more intriguing than your mom calling to ask what you had for lunch, or robots trying to sell you something (the only kinds of phonecalls I ever receive).

Someone asked Reddit: "what is the most strange 'wrong number' call you've ever received?" These 21 people share stories of the weirdest and most memorable phone calls they've gotten that were intended for someone else:

1.) From BunkleStein15:

I got a call and did not recognize the number so I ignored it 3 or 4 times until I gave in. I picked up the phone and before i could say anything a guy with a Brooklyn accent starts talking in panic and he said "YO THAT GUY WE SAW WAS ONE OF POLISH TOM'S BOYS IF HE SHOWS UP DON'T SAY SHIT ABOUT LAST NIGHT" and said " Sorry this must be the wrong number." he just started cursing and hung up. Ever since then I have been curious who What this "Polish Tom" looks like.

2.) From Randygilesforpres:

I used to get calls for “phoebe” right after I got my new number. A lot of calls. I was always nice and let them know they had the wrong number. This went on for two years.

Near the end I got a call from an unknown number. It was phoebe! She said she wanted to apologize, thanks me for being kind, and she thinks she told everyone the new number, but if anyone calls, could I give it to them? I said sure, no problem.

Still occasionally got calls. I politely informed them of the new number. One guy was surprised and started texting me about the whole situation. We became friends only over text and still text occasionally to this day. :)

3.) From f0k4ppl3:

Dude called from prison. After I told him wrong number he said he had nobody to talk to and he had just dialed a random number. I was young and naive but the dude never asked for anything. We talked for a while, him telling me how he got to be in jail. Straight up street thug but he was trying to make good and get back to society in good shape. Never talked again. I hope he made it out ok.

4.) From Shimshimmyyah:

I was repeatedly getting a international number and when I pick up the only thing that is said is "Hello?....." and then it doesn't hang up and it's clearly a recording of the hello and then faint static. Super creepy.

Also, one time I had a wrong number call from the area code I live in, and when I told the guy that I wasn't Greg he didn't seem to mind and asked me if I party. I said no so he reiterated and asked if I got high. I think it was a drug dealer cold call.

5.) From beroemd:

When I picked up someone immediately went off in a frantic worry about his dog who ran away, now gone for a week. When he continued how he had looked EVERYWHERE I stopped him to mention he had the wrong number.

But out of kindness we talked a little bit, losing a pet is horrible- I know that, and I got to know the part of town where the dog went missing, many miles away, and he mentioned some details about his dog.

Well I'll be damned when I go to the market later that day and I see a dog begging that meets the description. Now, in my mind this is utterly impossible. Period.

Nevertheless I look up the recent call in my phone history and FaceTime the guy.

It's his dog.

6.) From InsanityFodder:

Got a voicemail on the house phone a few years ago. It was from an older sounding guy with what sounded like the worst case of laryngitis I've ever heard. All he said was "Linda. Call me on this number. It's in your interest."

I have no idea who linda is, or why she should call, but everyone in the family assumes she's dead by now.

7.) From zpeed:

I once got called because a drug dealer had been shot by police and they were calling the numbers on his phone to help identify him. I asked them who died but they said they got the number wrong when they called me so they apologized and hung up.

8.) From vk2786:

I work at an old folks home, and was in the elevator one day & the emergency phone started ringing.

I pushed the button to answer & it was some guy looking for a chiropractors office. He was super confused when I told him he called an elevator in an assisted living community. I was confused bc who knew you could call an elevator from an outside line?

9.) From SunZuu:

Some weird guy handling affairs at some California court house screaming at me saying I was supposed to show up. The man left like 12 voice mails once and I had no clue. Each one escalating in anger. Really weird guy. Needs to chill out at his job.

10.) From MisterPhamtastic:

This was a text:

The guy was off by a digit and was texting to suck me off at an Albertson's (West Coast based grocery store chain) parking lot for painkillers.

No I did not go to get sucked off because I know you assholes are going to ask me that.

I didn't have any painkillers to give.

11.) From TheRemnant1417:

My best friend's older sister saved a voicemail for years until she got a new phone. This little boy who sounded maybe 5 or 6 was apparently calling his girlfriend to break up with her and said he was mad at her, and he was going to call her "the j word and the r word and the m word". He went through a solid 75% of the alphabet then ended with "okay I'll see you tomorrow at school I love you bye!" It was fantastic.

12.) From lokiswolf:

I noticed I missed a call from an unknown number and the area code was for a town out of state that my daughter happened to be attending an EDM music festival at. Of course the mom in me panicked and called it back, but I got the answering message. I left a message saying what my first name was and that I had a daughter currently in that town and if the call was from or about her I could be reached at ###, please call me back etc. About an hour later I got a call back from a sweet older lady with a thick southern accent telling me "Sugar, I couldn't let you worry sweetie, I dialed the wrong number and I noticed right away and hung up, but you mustve seen it, and here I made you worry for nuttin. Your girls awright, my grandson is a paramedic an he says aint no one died up there yet, and only two boys got dehydrated so far an passed out. Shes havin fun I bet!" We talked for a half hour!!! Shout out to you Clara!

13.) From ChristoLo:

A few months ago, I got a call from a convenience store in town, and they asked for me by last name (super uncommon last name so I know it was me). Right after I said it was me, they hung up.

I called them back, and they said they must have called the wrong number. THEY LITERALLY ASKED FOR ME BY NAME.

After overanalyzing it for hours, I thought it was some sort of scam. It has been a few months though, and no sign of anything weird on any accounts or anything as of yet.

14.) From The7can6pack:

I got a text from a wrong number once about 10 years ago that said “hey gurl! You still dance? Need to make some money quick!”

This is funny enough by itself, but particularly amusing because I am a man, and fucking hilarious because I also happen to be a paraplegic.

15.) ​​​​​​​From mishutu:

I didn't answer but I listened to a voicemail from a number I didn't recognize. It was a guy claiming he knew where I lived and he thinks I'm "very beautiful" and would love to take me out sometime. He ended the message with "if you don't respond I'll kill your dog".

I was kinda freaked out so I texted "sorry you have the wrong number" (I knew because I didn't have a dog). He responded with an apology and said it was just a joke he was playing on his gf at the time.

I really hope they just liked to play creepy jokes on each other... O_o

16.) ​​​​​​​From GingerBeard73:

Got this call at my work:

"(name of company) this is GingerBeard73, how can I help you?"

*Man sounds like he's in pain* "JIMMY! This is your cousin Al!"

"I'm sorry sir, this is GingerBeard73 and there is no Jimmy here."

"Jimmy! It's your cousin Al."

"Sir, I'm sorry, there is no Jimmy here."

"Jimmy, it's your cousin Al! I'm alive."

"....sir, is everything okay?"

"Who is this?"

"Al, this is GingerBeard73, you called my business. But real quick, are you okay?"

"Ohhhhhh! Sorry. I was hit by a truck."

".....like in the last 10 minutes?"

*Hearty chuckle* "No no cousin, like two weeks ago. I was out with cousin Jimmy and I got hit by a truck walking home. When I came to cousin Jimmy was gone and I had call the 911."

"Jesus christ Al, I'm glad you're okay."

"Ohhhh Cousin GingerBeard73, don't take Jesus' name like that. He kept me alive when that truck hit me."

"My apologizes Al, I'm just glad you're okay."

"Oh it's okay Cousin GingerBeard73, I just wanted to call Cousin Jimmy to let him know I'm okay."

"I'm sorry Al..."

"What's this Al business? We're cousins."

"I'm sorry Cousin Al but Cousin Jimmy sounds like a piece of shit."

"....yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, he kind of is. Welp, I have to get going, mighty good of you to talk with me."

"No problem Cousin Al, I wish you a speedy recovery!"

"Mighty kind of you, you take care."

He hung up after that. He hasn't called back but I think about my new family member every day.

17.) From Gumburcules:

I was working at a major scientific journal as a coordinator arranging for peer reviewers on academic papers.

One day my office phone rings and on the other end is a dude with a very thick South American accent. He said: "hello, is this the scientists?"

"Uhh...this is [Name of Science Journal]"

"Oh good. I have very large jungle beast. You must tell me what it is."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I find large beast in jungle. What is it?"

"Well first of all, that's not at all what we do here, second of all even if it was how would I be able to identify it over the phone?"

"I don't know - you are scientist, that is your job."

"Look, if you're looking to identify an animal maybe call your local department of fish and wildlife?"

"OK what is their number?"

"I have no idea, I could try to look it up. Where are you located?"

"OK bye." and he hangs up.

I guess it wasn't technically a "wrong number" because he clearly saw the word "science" in the title and assumed we were the right people to call, but how and why he called my number in particular or expected me to have any clue what he was talking about I have absolutely no idea.

18.) ​​​​​​​From Plethora_of_squids:

I once got an international American phone call and as I neither recognised the number nor could I quickly pull up an ID on it, I picked it up and this guy instantly started blathering on in Russian with a thick Russian accent and with a speed that I assumed that only a native speaker could talk at. After a few moments I managed to get his attention and go 'oi, who this?' and there's this awkward silence and then suddenly the speaker switches to this American, texanish accent with impeccable English and profusely apologise before hanging up.

This was a while ago and I've switched phones and since lost the call history but now and again I wonder just what did I intercept.

19.) From billbapapa:

Blocked Number - thought it was my brother the cop so I picked it up.

Nope, it was a little girl who insisted I was her daddy.

It was a little creepy, I didn't have a daughter at the time except the one cooking inside my wife.

She had this crazy little laugh that went with "oh yes you do have a daughter... muhahahaha" that's when it went to crazy creepy so I hung up on her demon laugh.

20.) ​​​​​​​From aeolus811tw:

One day after I have just watched Youtube vid about eating Balut as a challenge, I received a call from an unknown number asking me "what is balut in Vietnamese?"

Due to the fact that I have just watched the vids, my immediate response wasn't who was this but rather "the egg thing?"

The person immediately realized it was a wrong number and hung up.

21.) From cfiggis:

Well, here's one I accidentally placed. I was calling a friend named Kate. But I got the area code wrong, and a guy answered. I asked for Kate, and he was like "who are you?" I said I was a friend of Kate's. And then he outright says, "are you sleeping with my wife!?!"

I was like, "uh, no, I'm calling for Kate -----". And he says "my wife's name isn't Kate, but it is Catherine."

That's when I realized I'd dialed the wrong number, so I said "oh, I think I have the wrong area code" and hung up.

But I'm sure from his perspective, it sounded like I was lying and just trying to get off the line. Sorry, Catherine, I bet you had some explaining to do when you got home that day.

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