The one nipple joke aside, Ellen deserves an award for her eye contact in this clip.

Chelsea Handler just finished her seven-year run as the host of Chelsea Lately on the E! Network, and now she will go over to Netflix to host her own show there. As the only female host of a late night show prepares to depart, however, she had to clear the airwaves with another trailblazing woman on television, Ellen DeGeneres. More specifically, Ellen wanted to talk to her about why Chelsea never invited her on the show (no mention of whether Chelsea had ever gone on Ellen to discuss her books or show)—which may or may not have something to do with the fact that Chelsea may or may not have any clue that Ellen is gay. 

This is, of course, also not the first shower interaction Chelsea has had with another late-night host. She and Conan O'Brien faced off nude in the shower when Chelsea took over Conan's old studio space in a much more confrontational segment. 

Handler also got into her birthdays with Sandra Bullock, a friend and one of her most frequent guests (after which Handler confirmed that although Bullock wore little dignity bits, Chelsea does not).

There's a lot else that happened on the final episode of Chelsea Lately, which you might as well check out, because her new show won't be on Netflix until 2016.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Sorry boys, I only take photos with kids who wear 'Sorry girls I only date models' t-shirts.
(Via Imgur) 

This kid's timing is perfect. Redditor trolollies posted that his little cousin was traveling through an airport when he ran into Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley while wearing his "Sorry girls I only date models" t-shirt.

What a lucky kid. For the rest of his life, he will have evidence to back it up when he brags that "a Victoria's Secret lingerie model held my dinosaur."

(by Myka Fox)

"I won't have what she's having." (Via Trevor Cristensen)

Trevor Christensen is a nude photographer, and by that I mean that he takes his photographs in the nude, while his subjects stay clothed, and a little weirded out. 

So, is this dude just a pervert, or is there something else going on?

Christensen describes his process on his website:

"As a photographer I’m deeply interested in the experience subjects have during portrait shoots. When I guide subjects through the process of making their photo, I seek to create a calm, comfortable environment where they can be at ease in front of the camera. Despite my best efforts, subjects often feel a sense of vulnerability during the process. 

Nude Portraits is about leveling the playing field in an unorthodox way. Instead of focusing on bringing the subject to a place of ease, where I am, this project brings me to a place of vulnerability."

So, in other words, he's going for an "imagine them in their underwear" effect, but instead of having them imagine, he's giving them something real. And instead of underwear, he's giving them something... really real.

He definitely achieved some interesting reactions. You'll note they're all working pretty hard not to stare directly at his "lens."

"You can't make me look at your dick." (Via Trevor Cristensen)

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"I can work with this." (Via Trevor Cristensen)

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"Wow mine looks just like that. Twinsies!" (Via Trevor Cristensen)

Check out his full body (ahem) of work here. Or, follow him on Instagram.

(by Myka Fox)

Take that as a warning or a threat. Up to you.(Via)

Don't judge! Face-to-face human interaction has been dead since 2008. How else are we supposed to find love anymore, if not by posting and messaging each other a list of all the stuff we'd like to do to each other? Of course, sometimes your Facebook friends can get a little over-eager, maybe a little too excited to discuss their own anatomy, and that's when they end up on this list celebrating Facebook users trying to establish a romantic connection with no regard for their own dignity.

He'll take what he can get. (Via)

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Wait another 18 hours. Maybe everyone slept in.(Via)

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With a line like "I don't fuck fat bitches anymore," how can they not come running? (Via)

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8. I make lists of how awesome I am and desperately taunt you with them. (Via)

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Yeah, statuses like this one aren't going to help your cause. (Via)

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Updated 7/27/14:

Maybe send a lifeguard. He's flailing.(Via)

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One day someone not related to you who isn't a part of the greatest generation will give you a like. (Via)

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For post-world cup pickups, you tailor your lines to entire nations and see who bites.(Via)

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She's about to discover a lot of her male friends are forgetful. (Via)

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Make sure your spam messages offering revenge sex end politely.(Via)

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Thank you, heroic sir, for never going a day without reminding every woman on your friend list how creepy you are. (Via)

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Updated 6/8/14:

"Elastic collision" is what science geeks call a one-night stand apparently. (Via)

You can do that on Facebook? Is that through Facebook Gifts? (Via)

He'll get you to the starting line. Then you're on your own.(Via)

You could also leave this on a giant net then trap him when you get a taker. (Via)

To anyone who wants to help this kid, he's provided a handy hashtag to respond with. (Via)

"Lol" means "I'm just kidding unless you're into it!" (Via)

Updated 5/12/14:

60 more comments and she'll know you mean it. (Via)

The mushrooms just turn your hair into snakes so don't waste time on the gel. (Via)

Are you from a poorly funded school district? Cos daaayuum! (Via)  

Dude's got $35K. If you have a lifetime to spare, you're in business. (Via)

Paying for love isn't desperate. It's supporting small businesses. (Via)

As it happens, I have been meaning to try out this new saddle. (Via)

That deescalated quickly. (Via)

Updated 4/13/14:

No better way to woo a lover than to call them "braahh."

Can't imagine why.

Eventually every woman gets sick of the toy boys and wants to meet a toy man.(via)

"Super cute slut" is exactly what he was going for! Those Kmart glamour shots paid off!(via)

Before the Internet, them titties could only be snail-mailed. #miracles(via)

Updated 2/9/14:

They always lose interest the minute you take off the zombie makeup.

I thought posting Happy Bday on his wall was enough. This is getting out of hand.

He's going to regret this when she starts hitting on his friends. (Via)

Dammit. Fell in love again. Stupid literacy!

Girls love a gentleman who respects their fragile insecurity.

Do you want a husband or a wifey? Make up your mind and stop playing with hearts!

Does that come before or after the cake?

Updated 1/9/14:

You called him bro. He thought that meant you were dating. (Via)

This was the year he found out Santa's so not real. (Via)

If you kept the wishing on the stars and off Facebook, you'd have a way better shot.(Via)

Guess who just became ineligible for the boyfriend part. (Via)

That went well.(Via)

Updated 12/12/13:

Perhaps this should have gone in the "Enterprising Entrpreneurs On FB" list. (Via)

A dog humping a leg has more game. (Via)

Oh God! She shrunk!(Via)

Yes, mom! Go over and teach him to take some frigging initiative.(Via)

Correctional, like jail? Don't send pics! He just wants to trade them for cigarettes. (Via)

Updated 11/14/13:

The real fight will happen when those four girls start arguing over who gets which imbecile.

Click like if only interested in being mistress.

You should all be euthanized.

In committed relationships?

Okay, if you can't tolerate all that, I'll set for someone who likes weed.

Say hello to the 2013 version of "will you wear my varsity jacket?"

Updated 10/29/13:

How to choose! The "looking good" guy or the "shoo wee" guy? Can't she have both?!

Way to 100% safeguard yourself against even the hint of rejection, player.

Can't wait to hear your self-written vows.

How many relationships are undone by a man tagging another woman in his dessert?

Study hard. Handsome gentle boyfriends don't look twice at girls who don't pass Maori.

So hard to balance romance and coloring books in a young girl's life.

Updated 9/27/13:

Let him know you like him with constant comment-section harassment!

The surrounding towns heard a rumble from the stampede of interested parties racing to be "boned."

Alien seeks girl with dimples. Must loathe grammar.

If you ever get a girlfriend, delete this status if you want to keep all your limbs.

That was one hell of a meet-cute story. Did Nora Ephron write that dialogue?

Can't you just donate it or something? Virginity is tax-deductible.

Updated 8/12/13:

I think the strip club advertisement really likes me!

Prom's boring anyway. Just stay home and post on Facebook in a fancy outfit.

You know your moves are working when she has to insist "I'm not a whore."

It's a medical condition. He has no hands. Pity him.

Facebook: The perfect way to know who to avoid at Thanksgiving.

Facebook won't let you put your relationship status in bold, neon font.

Updated 7/11/13:

Do you find me attractive? How about if I remove my genitals? Oh wait, I'm sad now.

Not as classy as the story of the lady who rose from a lake holding a penis.

The day Ben's penis unfriends Ben's brain...we're all doomed.

And you're narrating it at 4:46 am.

Give her seven more months to respond, then she's gone.

Some things the Like button just doesn't convey.

Updated 6/13/13:

Did he ever think to say, "PLEASE hit me up, bitches?"

The ultimate pickup line is the one with an "insert your name here" space.

Wait, are there women who can orgasm without crying?

Every girl's just looking for a man who'll relocate at the first hint that she's available.

So would Tom Cruise be Jesus's father-in-law in this? That's a hell of a family tree.

If Facebook offered a "Translated to reflect your actual thoughts" button.

Updated 1/2/13:

And some penicillin.

Oh she's committed. Just boobs then?

Ladies, stay out of the Axe aisle at Walmart tonight.

Stop promoting your stupid camel farm and celebrate the fact that it's Wednesday!

That'll do.

Give her a chance. She probably has hard candy and a check for five bucks.

Updated 10/30/12:

Maybe 'F' and 'U' should be introduced to each other.

It's a trap!

He took a shot. A ridiculously humiliating shot.

He just has elegant penmanship.

If only Facebook allowed him to type in a blinking neon lit font to get the point across.

Not going to end well at all.

Updated 9/17/12:

Posted 6/21/12:

You better not be telling me what I think you're telling me.

A mother filmed herself delivering what she thought would be very exciting news: she's pregnant again!

For her little boy, this was an idiotic tragedy.

It's a good thing he was already strapped down in his car seat, because he straight went off on his mom as though he was the man who got her pregnant. He delivers classic surprise pregnancy responses like:

"What were you thinking?"

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"You just had two!"

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"This is exasperating!"

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"This makes no sense."

The little boy eventually comes to terms with the expanding family once he is reassured that this is not a sinister plot to replace him, and that he can have some earplugs in case they get one of those loud crying boy babies.

Poor guy, with cute baby Amaya next to him, this wasn't the first time he's gotten this kind of news. 

Judging by this side-eye, it's safe to say he reacted the same way the first time around.

Not again.

(by Myka Fox)

"There, there. It's only a thunderstorm, little human."

See, here's the thing: usually, humans pet dogs. Not this time, though! This time, it's a little Yorkshire Terrier named Rilo petting a human named Ricky! Jesus, is it Labor Day yet, or what?

I will say this, though, it does legitimately look like Rilo is imitating the behavior his human does to him, and has figured out that petting equals affection. That's pretty awesome. 

Still, why isn't it the weekend yet?

(by Johnny McNulty)

"I try to look cute all the time."

Meet Jiff. He's a fluffy pomeranian who describes himself on his Facebook page as a "movie actor/model." Now he can add "world's fastest dog to walk on two legs," as he has just made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for 2015. Which two legs? All of them. He can walk the fastest on his back legs or on his front legs.

What a total show-off. People love seeing him just wagging just wagging his little penis around for everyone to see, but when we do it, it's all "over here, officer!"

Is his name Jiff because his head is full of peanut butter? There is nothing going on behind those eyes. But that's ok! He loves the attention! Jiff is just a proud American doing it for the fame and glory, unlike Jin Dan the pomeranian from China who only walked on his hind legs to protest his haircut.

Congratulations, Jiff!

USA! USA! USA!

(by Myka Fox)

I'm going to start hanging out in hallways more often if this is what goes on there.

Meet Lil' Buck and Prime Tyme, two of the nation's foremost practitioners of Memphis Jookin, the dance style you see in this video. In reality, they are two cousins, Charles "Lil' Buck" Riley and Ron "Prime Tyme" Myles. After learning jookin from his sister in Memphis, Lil' Buck studied ballet for two years at Tennessee's New Ballet Ensemble, leading to the style you see here. In 2011, Riley and his cousin Myles performed with Yo-Yo Ma and others, and Spike Jonze captured it on his cellphone and uploaded it to YouTube (see below). Since then, they have travelled around the world and Lil' Buck even performed at the US-China Forum on the Arts and Culture in Beijing. But here, they merely make magic in the polished hallways of the subway station below Lincoln Center (the home of NY ballet and the Julliard School), and in what looks like the valet area beneath a large NYC hotel. 

The music is by Jenkees, although I doubt it would scare Velma (oof, sorry, I had to). You'll probably end up trying to do some of these moves later by yourself, because even though it must take years of practice, it looks like it must feel pretty amazing to master. This video is also a testament to the jadedness of New Yorkers. Please slap me if I ever walk by something like this without so much as a backwards glance. In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look at the incredibly cool dancers in this subway station hallway, you might be a joyless sack of human apathy." 

Here's Lil' Buck and Yo-Yo Ma back in '11:

And why not, here's Lil' Buck and Prime Tyme dancing under a bridge, because it's almost vacation and they're awesome.

(by Johnny McNulty)

The high life. (via)

Big week for sheep. A few days ago a "the world's wooliest sheep" was discovered in New Zealand, and now Winter the bouncing lamb has become a Vine sensation.

Shannen Hussein runs the account, and appears to have live the life you'd dream about if you fell asleep while watching Babe and eating ice cream. She records ducklings, baby rabbits and other goofy creatures, but the breakout star is clearly Winter--the lamb that bounces around her house as if he somehow understands how ridiculously good he has it for an animal usually associated with stews and kebabs.

He even runs out to greet her when she gets home.

Here's one of Winter at a day old in honor of Throwback Thursday.

If you'd like to pretend to work while watching more of Shannen's Vines, go here.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

1. Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Finally Get Married, Probably For The Health Insurance

Nine years into their much-paparazzied and gossip-magazined relationship, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were officially wed last week at their wine castle estate in the French countryside. I'm assuming that they did it so that one of them could get one the other's health insurance. That's what put most of my friends over the edge.

Thank goodness Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finally tied the knot and their billionaire adoptees no longer have to live in shame.

— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) August 28, 2014

"WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!?!?" - Brad Pitt opening wedding gifts

— Steve Amiri (@SteveAmiri) August 28, 2014

2. Hello Kitty Is No Cat — She's Simply A Hideously Disfigured Little Girl

It was revealed recently that the iconic Hello Kitty cartoon figure is not who, or what, we thought she was. "Hello Kitty is not a cat," a curator of an upcoming retrospective exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum in Los Angeles explained. "She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature." So, I suppose that means she's either some kind of a weird cat-like monster or a regular little human girl with a terrible facial disfiguration. Choose whichever one you think is less horrifying.

What do you mean Hello Kitty isn't a cat? Next you're going to tell me that Grumpy Cat isn't my grandpa.

— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) August 28, 2014

3. 'Sopranos' Creator Says Okay, Fine, Tony Soprano Is Alive, So Long As You'll All Shut Up And Leave Him Alone

In an obvious attempt to shut people up and get them to stop asking whether or not Tony Soprano died at the end of the series finale seven years ago, an exasperated Sopranos-creator David Chase gave an answer of sorts an interviewer from Vox, who asked if Tony was dead: "He shook his head 'no.' And he said simply, 'No he isn't.' That was all." Now, can we all please move on with our lives?

Can't believe David Chase finally revealed Tony Soprano isn't a cat.

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) August 28, 2014

4. Jon Stewart Opens Up About His Upcoming Movie That's Purposefully Not Funny, And Not Just Because It's Overly Didactic

Fake news host Jon Stewart recently sat down with The Hollywood Reporter to discuss his upcoming dramatic film Rosewater—about a Iranian journalist who was held captive by his government due to his appearance in a Daily Show segment—which most of us will feel guilty about not ever getting around to watching.

My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.

— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) May 21, 2014

5. Poor, Starving Brain-Eating Amoeba Found Cowering In Louisiana Water System

Residents of the St. John the Baptist Parish of Louisiana have been warned that their water supply has tested positive for Naegleria fowleri, a brain-eating amoeba that can cause "devastating infection" that usually results in death or the election of Rep. Bill Cassidy to office.

This morning a brain-eating amoeba entered the apt and slept on my couch. So cute! You had to be there.

— Jim Earl (@jimearl666) December 18, 2011

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Life Lesson: If you are in the middle of bragging, never look away from your ice cream. Not for one second. 

This lesson arrived in the form of a "teachable moment" when, as Julie Bresnan was in the middle of recording a "boastful home video" to send back to her family & friends, a bird pooped with fighter-pilot precision on her ice cream the second she looked away to point to her beautiful surrounds.

And then? Oh, and then. She goes for a lick.

I'm 99% sure she ate it. I'll keep watching this video for the rest of my life to make sure. It almost looks like she can tell that something wasn't right about her cone, but she doesn't have much time to consider it before ole' Top Gun in the trees finishes the job. 

Her reaction is priceless, but the real award goes to that bird. We never see him, but wherever you are, thank you.

(by Myka Fox)

Screw the rainbow!

"Somewhere, over the rainbow... way up HOLY SHIT!" 

A Swedish woman was filming a rainbow outside her home and inadvertently captured what looks like a scene out of a Wizard of Oz reboot directed by Michael Bay. The YouTube title is "Blixtnedslag i Blaiken Storuman," which means you now know the Swedish word for "lightning" (pretty sure it's "blixtnedsag").

The video serves as a wonderful reminder that Mother Nature doesn't want anyone getting too comfortable. Not saying you should live your life like a nervous gazelle around a croc-infested watering hole, just stay on your toes.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

I totally forgot I bought all that pot. 

In Canada, being a heavy pot smoker is now evidence that you aren't a criminal. 

Saskatchewan man Devon Douglas Lavallee was pulled over for erratic driving in August of 2013 when the officer found almost half a kilogram of marijuana in the trunk of his car. Officers found even more weed in Lavallee's home the next day. 

A Mountie who specialized in drug trafficking testified that that was way too much pot for one person, but Lavallee was ready to prove him wrong. 

The prosecution pointed out that pot usually loses its potency after six months, and there was no way a man could smoke that much by then. But, according to The Canadian Press, "Lavallee argued he’s been smoking between 5 and 13 grams a day for 13 years. He said it was to help relieve chronic back pain."

The old "13 for 13" defense. Gotta love it. This guy can go through a quarter pound of pot in about two weeks, all by his very lonesome.

While the accused provided no documentation of these back troubles, Judge Felicia Daunt said she "had no reason to disbelieve him," and then gave him a not-guilty ruling because "the Crown was unable to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Lavallee intended to sell the pot."

He had no scale, no packaging materials, and no cell phone. This guy just likes to smoke that good stuff, and he's not taking any calls. 

The most brilliant part of Lavallee's defense was the ultimate stoniness of it all. When questioned on why he needed so much weed at once, the defense said, "He smokes so much that he forgot he had pot left when he went to buy some more."

Forgot he had pot because he was stoned? Yup. It all checks out, he was checked out. 

Lavallee was, however, found guilty of possession.

He was probably like, "Cool, I thought I had some left."

(by Myka Fox)

"Do I know the Jitterbug? I invented the Jitterbug!"

Watching this 97-year-old woman boogying on the sidewalk makes me think I should start dancing more. Or at least get out and watch people dance more. Just watching this nonagenarian party machine fills me with more hope than I've had in weeks. Most people her age would be satisfied being able to hear music, let alone possess the ability to kick it on the sidewalk like they're shooting a Dr. Pepper commercial.

There area lot of factors involved with how people age, and stress is an absolute killer. That she's willing to break out dancing without a care in the world tells me this lady stopped stressing a long time ago. You go, granny.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Such an adorable little liar.

I don't think we should rush to judgement with this little girl. If she says she didn't eat the chocolate doughnut, I'm inclined to believe her. Sure, she has chocolate all over her face, but there's literally a thousand ways that chocolate could have gotten there. Okay, I can't think of any of them off the top of my head, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)