This is like a page from "Where's Douchey Waldo?"

If you have several thousand people at a University of Arizona Wildcats game, it would take a heroic effort to be the douchiest one there. Yet, this man did it. This man bravely sucked so hard that no one else could touch his claim to being the worst. This man popped everyone's beach ball. He didn't just pop it, he ripped it to shreds.

Really, it is the pride on his face (and on the face of his equally awful-seeming female companion) that sets him over the top. It's not like he's been hit in the head 10 times by the ball and is really angry. He jumped up in a special attempt just to ruin everyone's afternoon. In front of a kid who now knows that even if a whole lot of people cooperate to create a brief moment of collaborative fun, a guy like this will always show up and blow it.

(by Johnny McNulty)

"What's all this traffic aboot?! It's ridiculous, eh!!!"

You know, Canadians catch a lot of flak for being super-polite and even-keeled. But such unflattering aspersions aren't really based in fact. It's just mindless, lazy, prejudicial stereotyping. If you need any convincing that Canadians are just a bunch of normal, red-blooded hot-heads like us, check out this video that a resident of Montreal made on his morning commute to work:

To answer his question there at the end, the area around Montreal appears to have been originally settled by Algonquin, Huron, and Iroquois peoples about four millennia ago. But French colonialists officially incorporated it as a city in 1832. I'm not sure which of those groups is specifically responsible for this traffic.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Beach, boy.

Anyone who frequents the beach knows that going into the water slowly can be a painful process. The best approach is to launch yourself into the waves with a running start. It doesn't necessarily have to be a quarter-mile sprint down a path, over a fence, across a bunch of rocks and through a crowd of people, that's just Walter the Labrador's approach as he hits the surf in Siracusa, Sicily. Like a young Charlie Sheen on his way to the grotto at the Playboy Mansion.

This video may be the closest humans will ever come to experiencing the unbridled joy that a water-loving dog feels on his way to the beach. Unless you really love the beach, and happen to be on fire.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

We're not so different, you and I. (Via) 

Jarrod Allen AKA Tindafella is "single and searching for love." Until he finds it, he's recreating the profile photos of the women he finds in an attempt (I'm assuming) to understand them. It's the Tinder App version of walking a mile in their shoes; a unique interpretation, and, quite possibly, a mockery.

This photo was due for replication. (Via)

It's a similar sentiment to French Girls, the App that allows strangers to draw their interpretations of your selfies, but instead of drawings, the medium is always Tindafella.  

Wine not? (Via)

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This one had me on my knees. (Via)

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Which came first, the bandanna or banana? (Via)

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You had me at fake side-boob. (Via)

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The Blue Lagoon meets Sesame Street. (Via)

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This 2% nailed it 100%. (Via)

And there's more, so much more. As long as there are lonely singles uploading strange potos, Tindafella will be there, recreating them, amplifying their traits, and making the bizarre search for Tinder love look just a little more like him.

Check out his whole album here. 

(by Myka Fox)

"That was exciting! Now back to tennis."

Happy Place doesn't cover a lot of tennis, because A) we're not a sports site, and B) aside from a handful of tournament finals, the majority of professional tennis matches are dull as dirt and played by a bunch of people we've never heard of. That said, when something truly exciting happens, like a ball girl making a gutsy play on a runaway plastic bag at the U.S. Open, consider us your go-to source for full coverage.

Even the announcers sound thrilled that something has broken the monotony of watching two attractive millionaires bat a ball back and forth over a net. The play-by-play gal tries to over-sell the interruption with a heavy dose of hyperbole. "It's a huge bag," she says. "You could go shopping tomorrow for the week with this thing." It's a plastic bag. Calm down. Still, nice play by the ball girl, who executed the second-most exciting play of the tournament so far, after Alec Baldwin's epic stray ball catch.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Peter Pandrogynous.

Brian Williams may make the world seem less complicated every evening on the Nightly News, but his daughter Allison has come to give confused feelings to Wendys and Lost Boys alike in the upcoming NBC special Peter Pan Live! on Dec. 4th. The Girls actor shared this photo on her Instagram, writing:

The transformation begins! My first shoot as Pan. Fun fact: I was all ready to cut my hair, then was told by the folks who actually know what they're doing that a wig works better for everybody. So, December 4th, here we come. #wiglife #peterpanlive #nbc 

Williams' role has received a lot of media attention, both because of her family connections and because it's a return to the traditional practice of having Peter Pan played by a young woman. That was clearly a good move in this case, because as Brian Williams pointed out in his tongue-in-cheek news report on the casting, and as Allison pointed out on Instagram, she's been prepping for this role for a while:

At least one actress is happy to see a photo of her in unusual attire being spread today.

These leaked photos have gotten ridiculous! Stop sharing them! If a woman wants to cosplay as Peter Pan, she should be- what? Oh. Sorry.

— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) September 3, 2014

(by Johnny McNulty)

You'd think we'd be ready for it after the last time. You'd think we'd know not to get too attached, not to expect that site to hang around forever. One day it would walk out again, just like our dads. 

But people still couldn't do anything but lose their shit when they clicked over to Facebook and saw this ominous screen again today.

Predictably, people flooded into Twitter to begin the doomsaying...

Attention! Facebook is down. I repeat #facebook is down! Seek shelter. Hide your cat videos. Hug your children. #endoftheworld

— Chip Litherland (@chiplitherland) September 3, 2014

Facebook can't be down. Not like this. Facebook, no!

— Grant Pardee (@grantpa) September 3, 2014

Breaking News: #Facebook is down! Users are roaming the streets shoving photos in people’s faces and screaming "DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU?"

— Cain Ransbottyn (@ransbottyn) September 3, 2014

But we are a resilient species, and many tried to look on the bright side.

FACEBOOK IS DOWN REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE

— Nullsleep (@Nullsleep) September 3, 2014

I’m happy that I saw on twitter that Facebook was down rather than through my compulsive opening and immediately closing of Facebook.

— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) September 3, 2014

The best thing about Facebook being down is not being able to see your friends Ice Bucket Challenge videos

— Tom Warren (@tomwarren) September 3, 2014

In the time Facebook has been down I've lived a full, complete life and seen my children age into beautiful, strong and responsible adults.

— ASW (@TotallyAllen) September 3, 2014

There were those who found a certain poetic symmetry in the outage.

Facebook website says "Sorry, something went wrong." Which is how I feel reading statuses of people I went to high school with

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) September 3, 2014

But it wasn't long before groups began claiming responsibility.

I warned people about sending me game requests on Facebook. Said I'd burn it to the ground if they didn't stop. Recognize. #facebookdown

— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) September 3, 2014

And after just a few minutes of a Facebook-free life, the social network everyone loves to hate returned to our doorstep. On its return, it was smug, knowing full well we had discovered that we need it far more than it needs us.

But luckily, it was down just long enough for people on other social networks to complain about Facebookers ruin everything.

Facebook is down. So once again, Twitter turns into the only bar that's open and it fills up with lots of people who shouldn't be here.

— RandyBaumann WDVE (@DVERandy) September 3, 2014

(by Bob Powers)

Her mouth said no, but her eyes said yes. (Via KFSM)

Before she was arrested, this woman was suspiciously hanging out in the shadows. The eye shadows section of a mall makeup store, that is. 

KFSM reports that police received a call from the Ulta Cosmetics in Fayetteville, AR when the general manager noticed Brandy Allen, 31, shoveling $144 worth of eye shadows and liners into her purse. According to the report, Allen was "grabbing handfuls of make-up without looking at the color or labels. She didn’t appear to be checking prices, either."

Of course she didn't care about the specifics. This woman is the Bob Ross of faces, using all the colors on her lids to create a majestic sunset backdrop.

When police approached Allen in the store, she quickly marked up the shoplifted items in her purse right in front of the cops to make it appear as though they had been previously purchased and used.

The radiant butterfly also was heard to have screamed, "No one fucking saw me steal anything."

But it was too late. As evidenced by her mugshot, she was caught red-handed. And purple-lidded.

Allen was brought into jail where she quickly bonded out. She faces charges of shoplifting and disorderly conduct. 

(by Myka Fox)

"Not that Downton Abbey's shit, I just mean that I'm shit-faced. Shit. Hi mom."

Benedict Cumberbatch probably assumes that as long as he can still say his own name, he's most likely sober enough to do anything. He may want to reconsider that policy, since he apparently has excellent diction even when he's totally sauced. The result is that he gave a speech at the GQ Men of the Year Awards last night where each word sounded as charmingly posh as usual, despite the fact that each sentence barely made sense and the overall direction of his speech could best be described as the kind of maze you see on a child's placemat. He starts nervously cursing and making jokes that don't quite make sense and are accidentally slightly offensive, and he's still more charming than I'll ever be, especially when he concludes with "I'm going to leave the stage now because I drank a lot and I need the loo."

If you recognize that background from another video, it's because this is the same event (with the same sponsor) at which Russell Brand appeared last year and ripped into Hugo Boss for having clothed the Nazis. So, I'm sure Cumberbatch's hosts would happily let him get as drunk as he wanted, so long as he didn't do this:

(by Johnny McNulty)

Pug in a ball pit! Pug in a ball pit! Hey everybody, there's a pug in this ball pit! Come check it out! Really. Really. Stop what you're doing and come look at this video. You won't be upset about your decision once you've seen this pug jumping around in his own personal ball pit like the happiest pug who ever pugged. For serious! Come watch it now!

Police officer, stop arresting that arsonist! Come watch this ecstatic dog in a polychrome romp-around! Surgeon, stop inserting that valve into that cardiac chamber and see how much happiness you can bring with a minimal amount of effort! Alternative medicine salesperson, stop fleecing those retirees of their lifesavings and get over here to watch a glorious expression of pure and glorious joy!

Guy, seriously. There's a pug in this ball pit. What are you waiting for?

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

This is also his impression of what an extra-excited Mumford & Sons fan looks like.

North Carolina-based songsmith, English teacher and writer of in-depth pro-wrestling articles Dion Beary has perfected the formula for angsty hipster folk rock in his video, "Every Mumford and Sons Song Basically." If you're a huge M&S fan, maybe this will be an amusing tidbit to keep you sated while the group is on hiatus. Now, I myself have never purposefully listened to an entire Mumford and Sons song, but I can confirm that this is exactly what the noise sounds like in stores before I run out into the blissful relief of car horns on a busy New York street.

Well, that's it.

JUST KIDDING THERE'S MORE TEXT.

But seriously, that's it.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Making us all feel inadequate.

Goddamnit!

I mean, really. I've got to deal with this knowledge now? Ugh! I've been offering up "The cartilage in my elbow is kinda beat" for years now as an excuse for why my golf swing is so abysmal. ("Sorry, man. The old injury is flaming up. Think I'll just go grab a whiskey in the club house and wait for you guys to finish up the last sixteen holes.") But now this— this ruins everything.

When there's a three-year-old kid who was born with one arm like Tommy Morrisey running around New Jersey golf courses showing off a swing like that, what hope do I have of keeping up this excuse? Am I going to actually play golf now? Sober?! I don't think I can manage that.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

Don't interrupt your kid. He's clearly high as a kite. (Via)

We complain about the parents posting their pics of their kids all the time, but one day those same parents will serve an important role. When those kids grow up and stop being adorable, we need their parents to smack them down when they start smearing their bratty, self-obsessed crap all over our feeds. Here are some moms and dads who are making Facebook a better, and more entertaining place for the rest of us.

Don't dare her, Mom. And don't look at her Snapchats, either.(Via)

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There should be a law against parents using words like "fap."(Via)

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You really want him crying all over the power tools? They'll rust! (Via)

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Honesty is a virtue in that household.(Via)

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She just knows that the Internet has eaten into a lot of the profits.(Via)

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Posted 8/5/14:

Change "feeling loved" to "feeling hassled."(User Submission)

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This is one easily frightened thug. (via)

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Nice bedtime story dad. (via) 

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Dad has regrets. Well, one regret. (Via)

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The drugs impaired his ability to understand how social networking works. (Via)

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There'd be fewer pimp daddies with more anti-pimp mommies like this one. (Via)

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Mom's got that shit on lock-down.(Via)

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It's called "I Empty The Dishwasher And Cat Box Every Night
Since You Broke Up With Me." Get it right, Dad. (Via)

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Kids today. Always trying to look like they lifted themselves up by their own bootstraps. (Via)

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Sam likes what he likes. Let love flourish! (Via)

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The fame went to his head. (Via)

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And he remembers it fondly, apparently. (Via)

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You are your father's son, even in ways you wish you never knew. (Via)

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Then run your left hand under water because you just got burned.(Via)

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 Thanksgiving is hell when a liberal teen is in the house. (Via)

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His Facebook life then? (Via)

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When you and your mom compete over meth consumption, time to leave Facebook.(Via)

(by Bob Powers)

1. Kanye West Bravely Defends The Honor Of All The Kanye Wests Of The World

Hip-hop artist Kanye West was apparently so upset by Jay Pharoah's playful impersonation of him at the MTV Video Music Awards that he contacted the comedian to warn him against making light of serious matters, such as Kanye West. "We ain't gonna have no black comedians going up (on) stage spoofing the people that's working hard to open doors not only for black people, but (for) any creators, anybody that wants to add a contribution to the world," he admitted to having told him. [Ed note: This is where a punchline would normally go, but out of respect for Kanye West, we've decoded to forgo one.]

Kanye getting angrier and angrier because shuffle mode isn't playing his songs in the order he wants

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2014

2. Dwayne Johnson Confirms He'll Be Playing Some Comic Book Character You've Never Heard Of

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson took to Twitter to excitedly inform fans that he will be playing a guy who is not Shazam in the upcoming film based on DC comic series Shazam. Instead, Johnson will be playing Black Adam, a supervillain you've probably never heard of, but who apparently is kind of cool and gets to wear a less dorky looking suit.

"Kneel at his feet or get crushed by his boot." My honor to become.. #BlackAdam#TheAntiHero#DCComicspic.twitter.com/Qk55eNf3R7

— Dwayne Johnson (@TheRock) September 3, 2014

"Can we get Dwayne Johnson for this? I'd really love to see what he could do with the material."- thing I say in every Hollywood meeting.

— Dave Hill (@mrdavehill) April 17, 2013

3. Liberals Betrayed By Their Precious Science — All-Star Statistician Predicts GOP Takeover Of Senate

Progressive voters everywhere are currently struggling to figure out a rationale for not trusting their statistician guru Nate Silver—creator of the data analysis website FiveThirtyEight—now that he has crunched his numbers and is predicting that Republicans will not only maintain control of the House of Representatives after the midterm elections in November, but will steal the Senate away from Democrats.

I imagine Nate Silver sees the whole world like the scrolling numbers from The Matrix.

— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 5, 2014

4. 'Game Of Thrones' Came This Close To Not Getting To Show Boobs In One Episode

Good news for fans of literary faithfulness, naked ladies and public humiliation! It turns out that one of the most anticipated nude scenes in HBO's Game of Thrones has been approved by the prudish Croatian Film Commission. The scene—which should serve as a huge moment for one of the show's biggest characters, in addition to being a prime opportunity to show female nipples and buttocks for an extended period of time—simply has to be filmed far away from the local church.

i've never seen game of thrones but i know from the internet if i am naked or have a dragon i will be loved & respected

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) September 3, 2014

5. Rodent Warfare Breaks Out As Mickey Mouse Slaps DJ Deadmau5 With Lawsuit

The Walt Disney Company has decided to pursue legal action to block progressive house music DJ Deadmau5—who is often seen in public in a large full-headed mouse mask that may or may not be reminiscent of a certain animated cultural icon—from trademarking his mouse symbol. I wonder which party has the more powerful team of lawyers.

From the annals of "I have not read the Dilution Law" MT "@deadmau5 tells Disney to lawyer up http://t.co/f0nDbKy6W3pic.twitter.com/KDuPqDzJYE”

— Elizabeth King (@ElizabethKing) September 4, 2014

Quick reminder that every day, hundreds of times a day, your internet cursor turns into Mickey Mouse's hand.

— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) August 1, 2014

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

First moment with his fifth sense.

While there were definitely moments growing up where I wished I could tune my parents' voices out, baby Lachlan had never heard his parent's voices at all. His father Toby Lever writes that when Lachlan was born he "was diagnosed as having moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears."

That all changed when, at 7 weeks old, Lachlan was fitted with a hearing aid. Although Lachlan is initially startled and fussy from having something put in his ear, he quickly becomes astonished by his new sense of hearing and smiles at hearing mom and dad's voices for the first time.

The video was posted only a couple days ago, but Lachlan is now two years old and is "doing remarkably well."

So beautiful. Little does he know the earful he's going to get from his parents in the years to come.

(by Myka Fox)

Exquisite.

Celebrity nudes aren't the only pics routinely stolen by hackers. Who will speak for these cats captured in compromising poses, in photos clearly meant to be shared only with their most intimate companions?

Come hither and tickle. (Via)

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A photo of one's own body is not shameful.(Via)

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Who among us hasn't lounged au naturel like this on a warm summer day?(Via)

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Okay, some cross the line into vulgarity, but in the privacy of one's own home, who are we to judge?! (Via)

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People forget that "boudoir photography" has an extensive history.(Via)

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Dating back to pinups like Mae West and Clara Bow, the seductive boudoir photo session is a classic art. (Via)

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Traditionally, brides-to-be would take such photos as a surprise for their new husbands, or to send to a beau serving in the military overseas. (Via)

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Not only does the nude selfie predate the Internet by decades, it's a symbol of one's intimate bond with a lover.(Via)

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None of these cats should feel ashamed to model for something with such a long-standing, healthy tradition. (Via)

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The boudoir photo honors the flesh and fur of the form. (Via) 

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These animals celebrate their bodies and the physical bond they share with another. (Via)

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When we look into the confrontational stares of these felines, it's ourselves we need to confront. (Via)

(by Bob Powers)

"Playing an abusive priest, did you ever have to beat the Bishop?"

This is so immature. Not so much the video clip of a British morning show host asking Dan Stevens if he had to "beat off a lot of American men" to land an acting gig, but that I wrote about it and you're now reading it. I like to think we're better than this. It's just funny to imagine thousands of English viewers doing a spit-take with their morning tea with the mental image of Matthew from Downton Abbey jerking off dozens of dudes during a twisted Hollywood casting session.

He seemed to think it was funny. Not being familiar with the show, it's hard to tell if host Susanna Reid had no idea what he was laughing about, or is one of the greatest "straight men" in the history of British comedy.

(by Jonathan Corbett)