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Creepy robotic Santa season is starting earlier every year.

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Is that a child, or an elf? If it's an elf, fire that impertinent little robot.

It's 2014, Macy's! Yes, your robo-Santas should be inspiring terror in the hearts of young and old alike, but at this point, that should be due to their ability to think, act, and love like a human, forcing us to question what "humanity" really means. (Not that human Santas and Easter Bunnies can't be terrifying.) Instead, they're still terrifying because they look like disgruntled misfit rejects from the Chuck-E-Cheese band. If this Santa ever came to life, it would be more inclined to hide under your bed and attempt to grab your ankle and gnaw on your toes while laughing hollowly than to usurp humanity. Still unsettling, though.

Yes, the sound in this video is definitely the guy holding the camera who thinks he's clever, but I'm still shocked that the window Santas of Macy*s are the same from my childhood. I know what I am asking robot Santa for this year: better robot Santas. Or, is that how we eventually get to this?

(by Johnny McNulty)


Not free.

This French Bulldog singing along to Josh Groban will raise you up.

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Two tenors and one castrato.

Admitting you like Josh Groban isn't considered cool, but these three bros couldn't care less what anyone else thinks about their musical taste. When the chorus to "You Raise Me Up" kicks in, these guys sing their hearts out. Of course, whenever there's a sing-a-long in the car, it's always the one guy who doesn't know the words who insists on singing the loudest. In this group, it's the French Bulldog. But what he lacks in pitch and timing, he more than makes up for with passion.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

Thomas Edison

Most talked about.

Battle of the bulge.

Work or pleasure.

Christmas spirits.


Give a jingle.

Allow this 77-year-old powerlifting grandmother to inspire you to get off your ass.

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Displaying the antique gun collection.

What's your excuse for not hitting the gym this past decade? Running late for work? Sore hammy? Well, prepare to feel like a whining failure after watching this 77-year-old squat on your sorry excuses as she power-lifts life like a champ.

Willie Murphy started competing in over-50 track and field events several years ago. Once she began incorporating weight training into her workout regimen, she says "as soon the gun went off—boom—I dust those ladies." Despite weighing only 105, Willie can deadlift 215 pounds, carry her own groceries, and rock a sleeveless camouflage T-shirt better than most dudes on the Jersey Shore. When her car gets stuck in the snow, she doesn't need a tow truck, she just needs people to step out of her way while she clean-and-jerks it back into action.

Willie says "I never use the words I can't. I will just simply say I will try." So, try replacing that ice cream scoop with a barbell, so you never have to say "I can't" when it comes to lifting more weight than a grandmother pushing 80.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

The British just banned a long list of sex acts from their porn.

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The British aren't coming.

A long list of sex acts were deemed to be not right for porn by British lawmakers yesterday. With an amendment from their 2003 Communications Act, British-made online content must now adhere to the same restrictions that the British Board of Film Censors already placed on sex shop DVDs. As such, those working in the erotic film industry will no long be able to come and go as they please (ahem). Instead, they must refrain from engaging in the following sex acts:

Spanking
Caning
Aggressive whipping
Penetration by any object "associated with violence"
Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of if consensual)
Urolagnia (known as "water sports")
Female ejaculation
Strangulation
Facesitting
Fisting

Facesitting? Don't the British love that? Isn't that theirs???

Of course, this list isn't going to stop anyone in merry old England from jacking it to whatever they want. Their government isn't prohibiting the streaming of online content, they are just making sure that that stream (ahem) doesn't come from a British source. So, it's easy to think, "who cares, no one really wants to watch British people have sex anyway," but this is a definite act of censorship, and one that seems to target female pleasure. While the BBFC banned the last three acts because they were viewed as being potentially "life-endangering," the rest just seems like a game of moral pin the tail on the donkey.

Why ban female ejaculation when male ejaculation is still cool? It isn't any more dangerous. To incorrectly quote a moral playground lesson, "God made the squirt, and the squirt don't hurt."

(by Myka Fox)

Tinsel

Artist transforms Amsterdam into his comic strip by "Cartoon Bombing" the landscape.

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He raises a good point: you could fit a lot of roller coasters in those canal areas.
(via Cartoon Bombing)

Troqman is a French artist living in Amsterdam, and although he draws on small pieces of paper, he uses his sketches and a camera to turn all of that Dutch city into his canvas. His Instagram and Tumblr, 'Cartoon Bombing,' are full of hundreds of images of charming cartoons inserted into gorgeous scenery (I've never been to Amsterdam but I always like pictures from there).

Take this as your daily reminder that the world around you can be filled with a lot more imagination and fun than you probably let it. Granted, it helps to have talent and the time to work in Amsterdam coffee shops (like, shops with coffee, not "Amsterdam coffee shops" like in Colorado), so it's fortunate that the Internet lets us borrow Troqman's brain for a little bit to let him daydream for us.


For a French artist living in the Netherlands, there are a lot of American-TV-based puns.
(via Cartoon Bombing)


Did he steal a pound of weed? Is that what he's carrying? (via Cartoon Bombing)


I think that this is the one.(via Cartoon Bombing)


Pfff. We all know Peter Parker's dad was squished before the comics even start.
(via Cartoon Bombing)


Soft serve, but black diamond curves. (via Cartoon Bombing)


Like, artistically compromising, or....oh. (via Cartoon Bombing)


That's some quality paper stock right there.(via Cartoon Bombing)


Somehow I feel like these are the 21st Century's Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny.
(via Cartoon Bombing)


Man, cats are dicks.(via Cartoon Bombing)


Seems like they could have found an easier way aboard. (via Cartoon Bombing)


Well...paper is wood...so I don't think that is strictly true. Cool, though.
(via Cartoon Bombing)


For drawings, wipeouts are still better than whiteout. (via Cartoon Bombing)

There were seriously like 30 more I wanted to include, but since we try not to steal aritsts' bodies of work wholesale here at HappyPlace, I will redirect you instead back to the Cartoon Bombing Tumblr. Or, if you'd like to see a different artist use drawings to spice up the world, check out this cartoonist who used his skills to pass the time on his morning train commute:


They haven't checked into work yet, so there's no need to fight. See more from this bored cartoonist on a train.

(by Johnny McNulty)

Egg nog

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - December 2, 2014

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1. Maryland Courts Just Guaranteed An Exciting New Legal-Jargon-Filled Episode Of 'Serial'

Adnan Syed—whose conviction for the murder of 18-year-old Baltimore woman Hae Min Lee in 2000 rests at the heart of the incredibly popular Serial podcast—will be receiving an appeal hearing in January, on the grounds that his annoying-voiced attorney Cristina Gutierrez may have failed to provide him with adequate legal council and also because, come on, man, Jay's story has, like, crazy holes in it.



2. 50,000 Lucky Police Officers Will Soon Get To Have Their Every Movement Recorded For Posterity

President Obama has announced that he intends to use more than $250 million of federal funds to buy 50,000 body cameras to record police officers interactions throughout their patrols, except for when the cameras get glitchy and cut-out at weird moments, which, crazily enough, will just happen to be when when a bunch of really intense shit goes down. Isn't that weird? Or going to be weird, I mean.



3. Galactic Engineer Stephen Colbert Explains The Workings Of A Three-Bladed Lightsaber

I don't know if you've been on the Internet much, but it seems to be populated with an awful lot of joyless reprobates who cannot even bring themselves to enjoy the pure joy that comes from seeing a brand new kind of lightsaber appear in an amazing trailer for a movie we've been waiting to see since we were innocent children. Stephen Colbert has some words, as well as some space science, for them:


4. 'Hanging Tree' Song Gives Internet A Brand New Way To Adore Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence's performance of the song 'Hanging Tree' from the film The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 seems set to enter the Billboard Top 40 this week. The soulful a cappella song will likely serve as the perfect musical introduction to her appearances after Hillary Clinton announces Lawrence as her running mate in two years.



5. CDC Extolls Health Benefits Of Mutilating Your Son's Genitals

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has just released federal guidelines for circumcising male infants, pointing out that the controversial procedure has more benefits than risks. "The benefits of male circumcision have become more and more clear over the last ten years," one researcher said. Now we can all stop arguing about this and start focusing all of our attention on the dangers of vaccinations and chemtrails.



(by Dennis DiClaudio)


Watching a Great Dane cower in fear of a Chihuahua never gets old.

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The Big Dog and a Great Dane.

You often hear that size doesn't matter. Usually, it's when women are lying to men in order to make them feel better. When it comes to dogs, it's actually true. Of course, size would matter during an actual fight. That's why tiny Chihuahuas make sure it never gets to that point by posturing as lean, mean flesh-eating killers that would tear off your toes for looking at it sideways.

Great Danes, on the other hand, seem to offset whatever size advantage they may have by being, pound-for-pound, the biggest babies in the animal kingdom. That's certainly the case with Duke, the 105-pound dog who, when confronted by a 3.5 pound visitor, made a beeline for the safety of his owner's lap.

(by Jonathan Corbett)

A plumber got caught dancing his heart out on the job.

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Probably how he prepares to lay some pipe.

When it comes right down to it, there are more embarrassing scenarios than getting caught on camera dancing like a fiend to EDM when you're supposed to be working on a job.

I can't think of any of them right now, but I'm relatively certain they exist.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

A bunch of female cops are in trouble for posting "Uniform On, Uniform Off" selfies on Instagram.

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Breaking the blue wall of hotness. (via Instagram)

Let's all take a break from the constant stream of polarizing news involving police officers, and focus on a police investigation from a simpler, more innocent part of the country: New York City.

Here in New York, not all of the investigations into police misconduct involve a tragedy. Sometimes, we'll nail cops to the wall for something as simple as posting selfies.

Yup, the police in New York City are being investigated for sexy selfie posting. Let's march!

According to the New York Daily News, six female officers could be disciplined for their posts on the Instagram feed blueline_beauties (since shut down).

The feed consisted of policewomen who shared "Uniform On, Uniform Off" selfies in side-by-side images, though the "Uniform Off" part consisted of the cops wearing sexy dresses or other alluring attire.


Best viewed while listening to "Mrs. Officer" by Lil' Wayne. (via Instagram)

As it happens, though, the cops aren't in trouble for being attractive women who dared to show just how attractive they are on a public forum. It's the "Uniform On" pics that are getting them in hot water.

"Members of the Police Department are prohibited from posting photographs of themselves in uniform without the prior authorization," an NYPD spokesman told the New York Daily News.

Damn. How are police supposed to do their jobs if they have to spend all day telling friends to untag them in uniformed pics on Facebook?


The new police academy recruitment posters are really effective.(via Instagram)

The spokesman explained that these rules are "intended to protect officers from divulging identifying information on social media sites that may endanger officer safety."

Information such as, "I'm a cop"? They reveal that every time they're on-duty. What do they put in their Facebook bio for employment? "I sometimes like to play dress up"?


Now we know she has the one job where you get to carry a gun. She's in danger!
(via Instagram)

The president of the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association came to the cops' defense, essentially welcoming the NYPD to the year 2014.

"Social media is an acceptable method of communication among individuals today," President Patrick Lynch told the New York Daily News. "We see nothing inappropriate about being depicted in uniform or in attire that is generally accepted by society as appropriate on social media."


Walking the beat, working the runway.(via Instagram)

While the NYPD's enforcement of the "no uniforms on social media" rule might just be their loophole to keep female cops from showing off their bodies, the six officers face the very real punishment of having up to ten vacation days docked for the violation.

Unless, that is, someone shows the NYPD the countless calendars of shirtless male firefighters and cops that have been around since the first time someone put a badge on his chest, and everyone comes to their senses.

(by Bob Powers)

Related: A nurse got fired for posting an Instagram from an operating room.

The Muppets rapping 'Hip Hop Hooray' will make you remember what viral videos should look like.

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Today's video is brought to you by the letters "A" and "O."

When people look back on the history of viral videos, Muppets rapping will be remembered as one of the most potent artforms of our era. Indeed, who can forget 2008's classic "Bert and Ernie Gangsta Rap," set to the tune of M.O.P.'s "Gangsta Squad," a video which ranked #6 on Complex's 100 greatest viral videos of the 2000s? Nobody, and that's why I so eagerly clicked on this video today, and was not disappointed at all. Like most of Naughty By Nature's work, "Hip Hop Hooray" is not as scandalous as it was when it came out, so this doesn't have the shock value that "Bert and Ernie Gangsta Rap" had back when Obama was running for president, but that takes this video to a new place entirely where everything fits together so perfectly that the result is equal parts inappropriate and exactly correct.

Here's the 2008 classic embedded from DailyMotion (the original has been removed from YouTube):

And here, because why not, are a whole bunch more standout examples from this redoubtable genre.

(by Johnny McNulty)

The most popular baby names of 2014 all came from Netflix binge-watching.

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Baby on Boardwalk Empire.

If you stopped watching TV long enough to have sex, then you might be pregnant and you're going to need a baby name. Fear not, just turn that TV back on. The list of top baby names for 2014 is out, and it is streaming directly from your Netflix feed.

Baby Center is calling it the "Netflix Effect," and the suggestion is that long weekends of binge watching have trumped classic literature when it comes to cultural influence.

The top five girls names are:

1. Sophia

2. Emma

3. Olivia

4. Ava

5. Isabella

Wow, I can't believe after all these years, the number one name is still Sophia, from the matriarch of the Golden Girls. Thank you for being a friend. And of course, you remember Olivia Pope from Shonda Rhimes' Scandal.

For boys, the top names are:

1. Jackson

2. Aiden

3. Liam

4. Lucas

5. Noah

The people at Baby Center are crediting Jackson to Jackson Avery from Grey's Anatomy. Shonda Rhimes is naming your children, yet strangely, no one is naming their babies Shonda. Also, check out Aiden from Sex and The City taking second place on the list, just like he did in Carrie's heart.

Basically, if it is on TV, it is on your baby's birth certificate.

In fact, Orange is the New Black is the streaming winner when it comes to labeling our little pieces of immortality, because no baby in a crib doesn't look like an adorable little criminal. Gallina (AKA Red) was the most popular from the show, with an increase of 67% in the rankings, but even stupid names like Piper (sorry Pipers, but that character is the most annoying and entitled of the bunch and I can only assume the writers were trying to match her personality with that insipid name) and Larry (a baby named Larry?) saw an increase. Surprisingly, Crazy Eyes has not made it onto the rankings, despite the number of babies I've met who haven't mastered their oculomotor skills.

Of course, you don't need to steal your ex-girlfriend's Netflix password to name the baby you and she share. As long as that name appeared on your TV somehow, you're good to go. Since his retirement from baseball, Derek Jeter has started playing the name game. "Derek" saw a 4% increase, and "Jeter" increased by 82%! And these names are for people, not dogs! Comedians also saw an influence. The name Joan rose 34%, which is likely a tribute to Joan Rivers, and Aziz Ansari saw his own name go up 32%.

The most exciting part of this study is what they aren't saying: watching TV will not make you sterile. So sit back, take another tour of Breaking Bad, and make us a Walter White Jr. Jr.

(by Myka Fox)

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