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86-year-old widow is living the dream as a permanent resident aboard a cruise ship.

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This Florida widow has visited the ports of over 100 countries around the world.


Home sweet home. (via go-diva.webs.com)

Just before 86-year-old Lee Wachtstetter's banker husband died back in 1997, he told her, "Don't stop cruising." The two had enjoyed 89 cruises together in their 50 years of marriage, and Wachtstetter took his advice literally.

She sold her Fort Lauderdale home and moved onto a cruise ship.

Wachtstetter has been living on the Crystal Serenity—an 11-year-old, 1,070-passenger ship—for the past seven years. She's visited too many countries to count, and rarely bothers getting off the boat when it docks anymore. She told the Asbury Park Press that it's a "stress-free, fairy-tale life."


(via Wikipedia)

It's also a very expensive life.

Wachtstetter estimates that a year on board costs her about $164,000. According to the Asbury Park Press, that amount covers her "single-occupancy seventh deck stateroom, regular and specialty restaurant meals with available lunch and dinner beverages, gratuities, nightly ballroom dancing with dance hosts and Broadway-caliber entertainment—as well as the captain's frequent cocktail parties, movies, lectures, plus other scheduled daily activities."

It's not what I'd do with that kind of cash (hello, laptop charger for every outlet in my apartment!), but you can see the appeal of life being a non-stop party.


One of the staterooms on board the Crystal Serenity. (Crystal Cruises)

Wachtstetter makes friends on board by sitting at an eight-person table at dinner and teaching fellow passengers how to do needlepoint (she makes them for the crew members). The crew members deserve it, says Wachtstetter:

"The [655] crew members bend over backwards to keep me happy. Some are almost like family now. If they don't have what I want, they get it. Even if they have to buy it off the ship or make it to my specific needs."

The one downside—aside from pretty much every reason you can think of that living on a cruise would be horrible—is that Wachtstetter misses her kids and grandkids. She keeps in touch with them online and when the boat docks in Miami a few times a year.

And she certainly has a good reason for them to come and visit.


This guy improves stock photos by photoshopping himself into them.

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Can you guess which element was added later?

We don't know exactly who this Stock Photobomber hero is for sure. He claims to be a 20-year veteran of the advertising game with a vendetta against the fakeness of the world around him, particularly the staged and lifeless stock photographs he's forced to scroll through for hours on end for his job. Is this true? Maybe, maybe not. What is certainly true though is that we need this pixel manipulating hero now more than ever before. And he has thrown down the gauntlet and sounded the call writing on his website: "Armed with Photoshop 6.0 and my own raw emotion, I'm going to thrust stock photography into the real world the only way I know how... I'm going to photobomb the shit out of it."


Much better with an inebriated uncle.



Improved by use of some creative "manslaughter."



Incalculable value added with the simple addition of a gimp.



Greatly enhanced with a little maschalagnia.



Actually, both of these images are probably of roughly equal value.

Lots more improvements to be found on the Stock Photobomber Tumblr.

What it looks like to barely avoid getting crushed by a 16-wheeler on the NJ Turnpike.

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Any closer, and you would not be watching this video.

On Sunday morning, the Northeast was hit by widespread freezing rain conditions, causing "black ice" to form on many roads. The result was hundreds of accidents (428 in New Jersey alone) and at least a few fatalities—although fortunately, none of those came from this accident on the NJ Turnpike.

When YouTuber MrLegolize stopped his car because two spun-out trucks were blocking I-95 ahead of him, he thought he would be stuck in traffic and had plenty of time to take a picture. Shortly after he took out his camera, however, he heard a noise. That noise turned out to be a tandem tractor-trailer hurtling straight at him while clearly sliding on the icy roadway. Fortunately, the driver's quick reaction kept MrLegolize from being flattened (the truck did force another car off the road, but as you can see below, the passengers were OK). Presumably, it was his shock that prevented him from making any noise whatsoever during his ordeal.

Follow-up: somehow, everyone is kinda OK.

The aftermath video has good news, however! MrLegolize pulled over to safety after the first segment of this video, called 911 while the camera was off, and then walked back to check on everyone. Then, the State Troopers showed up and told him to buzz off, which in New Jersey is slang for "thanks so much for your help, citizen."

Girls Season 4 Episode 2: The bid to move us all to Iowa

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Finally, the REAL beginning of Season 4 of girls, and it has me telling my landlord he can keep my security deposit as my last month's rent.


This is how Blue Man Group got their start.

The second episode of Girls season 4 just came in and it is where the season should have started. I don't want to get into how much hair feather there was in the first episode, but suffice it to say, too much hair feather.

While episode one started the seasons off just answering questions that should have been answered at the end of season 3 or not at all (Shoshanna getting her diploma, Jessa not really getting in trouble for trying to kill her old lady friend, Marnie and her stupid hair feather), the real cliffhanger of season three was all about how Hannah was going to survive in Iowa, and how the show was going to survive without NYC as its backdrop.

In as much as the first three seasons of Girls served as new inspiration for droves of millennials to clog the rentals in Greenpoint, it looks like season four is ready to repair the damage. The message is loud and clear: MOVE BACK TO IOWA, KIDS.

I've been living in the city for ten years now, and this episode almost had me packing my bags and pinning a note to my cat so that the next squatters in my rat infested dump will know to only feed her wet food or she'll get a UTI.

Not convinced you're ready for Iowa? Here's all you need to know based on episode 2:

Pros:


For $800/mo I'd live in a house with no doors.

- Live in a huge house all by yourself for only $800/mo

- If you lock yourself out of your house, it is easy to break in

- People will think you look like Blake Lively's husband


"I'm straight too."

- You can convince straight dudes to have sex with you if you say you're also straight.

Pretty good, eh? Of course, there are always downsides to moving to the Iowa just because you saw it on Girls.

Cons:


This is how you get caught in a serial killer's plot.

- No cell phone reception.

- Parties might include girls fighting in paint

- It might be normal to "think about suicide for the first time ever."

And then there are things that could go either way...

Maybes:

- Bats - They're kinda fun. Bats are cool, but could also carry rabies and have opposite sleep schedules. I could go either way on this.

Ultimately, I think the deciding factor has it down to this...

Deciding Factors

- No Marnies.


Never coming to Iowa

This is the closest you will get to a Marnie while you are in Iowa.

Stay tuned for next week's interpretation of Girls.

Predictions for future episodes:

Hannah fails out of grad school and joins Blue Man Group, Elijah becomes a ventriloquist, Marnie knits herself into a coffin and suffocates.

Has Justin Bieber been acting like an a**hole just to get his own Comedy Central Roast?

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The Biebs: we all know his pubes aren't real and his dick for sure isn't real, but what about his terrible personality? Can it be true that his desire to piss in mop buckets isn't real either?


Me funny. I get jokes. (via Getty Images)

Us Weekly got insider info that, at the tender age of 20, Justin Bieber will be getting his own Comedy Central roast. Apparently, it's all he ever wanted...


It's true, as backed up by Ryan Seacrest's website (I don't know why he needs one, either. Maybe his mom told him to do it?), a source at Comedy Central has said:

"Justin has been asking us for years to roast him, so we kept telling him to create some more material and we're thrilled he listened."

So they're doing it, and it is set to tape March 7th.

Could it be?

It would almost be too easy. Could it be that Bieber is really just a sweet innocent who loves comedy so much that he would serenade his grandma naked just to get Jeff Ross to call him the grown-up corpse of Jonbenet Ramsey? Is he really a sweet little darling who only abandoned a monkey in Germany just so that Amy Schumer could tell him his penis is smaller than most of the dogs Sara Silverman has sucked off?

Is he in on the joke??? Will he be on the dais slinging them back? Will he break down and cry into his piss mop bucket? Or, will we find out that after all these years of hating him, we're the ones who have been pissing in the mop bucket the whole time?

This 6-year-old Packers fan could not keep it together during the Seahawks' bike-riding celebration yesterday.

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It does not get better.

Yesterday was a tough day for the Midwest. Football fans got hammered from both ends of the continent, with the New England Patriots handing the Indianapolis Colts their asses 45-7 and the Seattle Seahawks edging the Green Bay Packers out of their Super Bowl slot 28-22.

If you want to know what the mood was like in Wisconsin last night, just watch this 6-year-old Packers fan dealing—or failing to deal—with the Seahawks' post-win gloating that somehow incorporated a bicycle.

This is why being a Philly sports fan is the best. You'll never be disappointed if you never expect to win.

Today in adults screaming like spoiled kids: this lady who missed the ferry.

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In case the "spoiled kids" part wasn't clear, this lady gets LOUD:

YouTuber Peter Flaaten's description of this video sums it up pretty well:

i snapped this video at the ferry when i suspected a lady in line was getting a little out of line and my intuition was right and this is what happened.

I don't know exactly what she says word-for-word (my ears hurt), but it goes something along the lines of this,

"It's New Year's Eve, for Heaven's sakes! You have no idea, NO IDEA! You have no understanding of people's feelings and what this means!"

Then, it sounds like she's yelling "I'm FOAMING! I'M FOAMING!" but I don't think that's correct.

This rage-soaked clip was shot at BC Ferries, a ferry line that carries passengers around the many islands near Vancouver in western Canada. According to commenters, this meltdown was most likely caused by the fact that BC Ferries requires ticket holders to arrive at least 15 minutes before the departure time. That may be the cause, but there is no excuse.

If there is one golden rule about being a good traveler, it's "no matter how rage-inducing your trip is, don't yell at the gate agents." Besides the fact that they're the only ones who can give you a refund or book you a new ticket, they also don't actually operate the plane/train/ferry that you just missed. If there's a second golden rule of traveling, it's "make sure no one is recording you lose your shit over a missed ferry." It's a new rule, but a good one.

The thought that counts.


Here's Obama's "sick burn" that had everyone laughing at last night's State of the Union.

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Killed it.

The 28-second clip below is the clip from the State of the Union that everyone who didn't really watch any of the State of the Union is going to be talking about today.

President Obama reminds the haters why they're just going to have to keep on hating.

Overloaded.

The best face Joe Biden made during last night's State of the Union.

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During last night's State of the Union Address, President Obama had a sick burn. Other than that, it was hard to pay attention, because right behind his shoulder, Vice President Joe Biden was delivering his annual State of Joe Biden's Facial Expressions.


You got something to say, GOP fools?

The gem of the night? A defiant "Proud Joe Biden" chin thrust, which inspired the best Vine of 2015 so far:

"American Sniper" screenwriter explains why Clint Eastwood used such an obviously fake baby.

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Here's the fakest fake baby ever to appear in an Oscar-nominated film.

(UPDATED: The original clip we posted got taken down, but the Today Show has us covered.)

Skip American Sniper? That's okay. All you need to know is that it had the most unrealistic plastic baby of all time.

Based on these 74 seconds, you may think the movie was a comedy.

It literally looks like a doll a PA picked up at Walmart. Surely somewhere in the film's $60 million budget, they could have set aside a little for a real baby actor? Or at least a better fake baby?


You guys have bigger problems than you ever imagined.

Well, according to screenwriter Jason Hall, the budget wasn't the issue. In a tweet he has since deleted, he explained:

hate to ruin the fun but real baby #1 showed up with a fever. Real baby #2 was no show. (Clint voice) Gimme the doll, kid.

As fun of a scene as that is to imagine, surely in a big Hollywood production like this, there's a baby #3? No? Well, next time maybe try putting a blanket around that doll.

11 signs your work spouse relationship is getting too real.

Having a ball.

Action Movie Kid and his special-effects dad barely escape his explosive imagination.

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I wish my daydreams had movie-studio production quality...


Anyone who has defeated a toddler at a board game knows this is fairly accurate.

Well, this is something I didn't anticipate about the Internet when I was younger: Action Movie Kid is really starting to resemble a little person these days, and not just the fat ball of viral content who has been appearing in explosions-and-laser-filled adventures since he first pulled a lightsaber off the shelf in a toy store way back in March of last year.

Unlike that video, or the one where he gets a Portal gun, or the one where he does all his own stunts, this one focuses more on what the imagination of a little kid looks like. Who hasn't blasted aliens from the back window of their car on a road trip? There's a good reason for this content shift, however, as Action Movie Kid and his CGI artist dad have a message for everyone about being a good dad: do it.


Small stuff.

Checking in.

Twin babies crack each other up playing peek-a-boo with a curtain.

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These adorable twins are going to break the Internet without showing anyone their butts.

Oh man. Watching these little munchkins make each other laugh is so cute! I could watch this video for a good 15 seconds. Okay, I'm done now. They're still laughing. They still think this is hilarious. It's been a full minute, and they're still not over this joke. Now it's been two minutes! They're still going! Good thing the video cuts off because I'm guessing this went on for several hours.

Deflated.

Mittens the hermaphroditic cat is gearing up for gender reassignment surgery.

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Most parents wouldn't know what to do if their daughter brought a hermaphroditic cat home with her, but Colleen Clarke-Murphy welcomed the visiter immediately as family.


I was born this way. (via CBC)

Meet Mittens! The very rare cat born with both sets of genitals.

At first Colleen thought the new family pet was just sick, so she was surprised to hear from the doctor the real reason why Mittens was having bowel and urinary problems: Mittens is both male and female.

Apparently, having both sets of genitals is getting in the way, and one of them is going to have to go.

The vet recommended a gender reassignment surgery to make Mittens male only.

Colleen is understanding, but it isn't what she would have chosen for Mittens.

"They're the ones who know what they're doing. I mean, I really don't know. I'd like for it to be a female, but it really don't matter. It's got both parts," said Clarke-Murphy.

"It's grumbly like my male cat, and it's friendly, it sleeps with me every night like my other female cats."


"It has the personalities of both." (via CBC)

The vet isn't just going to assign a gender to Mittens, he is also going to spay and neuter the animal. You can't be too careful. This might be the first time ever that someone takes literally Bob Barker's request that you spay AND neuter your pets.

CBC reports that after the spaying and neutering are done, the vet will perform reconstructive surgery on Mittens to give him proper male genitalia. If there are any vets out there that can explain how this could be done for a cat even though we can barely do it for people, give me a holler.

The bill for all of this is upwards of $1,500 and Colleen and her friends are having a benefit to help the confused cat. She just doesn't see any other way around it.

"She was part of my family when she came home with my daughter."

Thank you, Colleen Clarke-Murphey. You are a beacon of cat acceptance.

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