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The funniest tweets about the major blizzard letdown New Yorkers woke up to this morning.

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(via Getty)

It was supposed to snow a lot in New York. It only snowed some. New Yorkers don't like it when the thing that happens to them isn't the biggest, most important thing that ever happened to anyone ever. We can barely even stomach the fact that states in New England are still getting pummeled, that the blizzard warning is still in effect in Boston. Boston.

But like most humans, we're mostly just pissed that we thought we had a day off from life today, and that day off was rescinded.

















A Yeti was spotted all over Boston and Twitter during the blizzard last night.

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The Retweetable Snowman

The blizzard hitting the Northeast spared NYC the worst of its fury (although the snowstorm is still going strong at the livestream from some guy's apartment in Queens, and should last until nightfall), and plowed straight into New England instead, especially Boston. The ferocity of the blizzard was such that its howling winds summoned the mythical snow beast known as the Yeti all the way from the Himalayas just to visit. Since we all know Yetis are as well known for their social media prowess as they are for eating travelers lost in the mountains, it's no surprise that the abominable snowman showed up to Boston complete with a new Twitter account (@BostonYeti2015) and a viral-ready #BostonYeti2015 hashtag.

Despite being a creature of the harshest cold, the Yeti still had trouble getting around Boston during the storm. Still, he managed to dispense useful local weather-related news on his journeys about town.

In the end, the Yeti slipped off into the night, never to be seen again (unless he just went home to the suburbs and he's one of those Yetis who says "I'm from Boston" when really they're from southern New Hampshire or some other bogus place). But before he lumbered off into the blizzard from whence he came, the Boston Yeti made sure to leave humanity with some sage words.

Thank you, Boston Yeti. You have changed how we think of mythological, weather-related, single-serving novelty Twitter accounts forever.

Whiteout.

Morning routine.

Kim Kardashian has finally found a cause that speaks to her in this Super Bowl Commercial.

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Super Bowl Sunday may still be days away, but it is never too early to be marketed to.


In the ass of an angel.

Much like Sarah McLachlan lent her fame to help the ASPCA, Kim Kardashian West is using her spotlight in a Super Bowl commercial set to air this Sunday to shine attention on an issue near and dear to her heart: unused data.

Speaking in a tone usually reserved for serious topics, Kim addresses the camera about the millions of gigs of data that go unused each month when cell phone companies that aren't paying her to do Super Bowl commercials start their data plans anew weather you've used your data or not.

"Data you paid for that could be used to see my makeup or my backhand, my outfits, my vacations, and my outfits," Kim explains, while displaying her (clothed) ass in a series of seflie-worthy scenes.

She is speaking on behalf of charitable organization T-Mobile, and their new service plan that allows subscribers to keep their unused data for up to a year.

"Please, help save the data."

Benedict Cumberbatch apologized after calling black people "colored" in a TV interview.

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As someone with the name Benedict Cumberbatch, Benedict Cumberbatch should know how much the names we give people matter.


"I'm an idiot." (screengrab via PBS)

Benedict Cumberbatch has apologized profusely after using the term "colored" during an interview on Tavis Smiley on PBS last week.

While lamenting the lack of opportunities for actors of color (ahem), Cumberbatch said: "I think as far as colored actors go, it gets really different in the UK." (Here's the clip. Cumberbatch slips up at 23:30.) Smiley, himself a man of color, doesn't dispute Cumberbatch's use of the term or even seem to notice it.


Nothing makes actors less attractive than watching them talk about acting.
(screengrab via PBS)

There's something about that cultured British accent that makes you think, "Huh. Maybe we do say 'colored.'"

But we don't. And some viewers were pretty annoyed that Cumberbatch might encourage the use of this outdated term. Anyway, we can put all that behind us because a) based on the context, it was obviously an honest mistake, and b) Cumberbatch has apologized profusely.

Here's the apology he issued through People:

I'm devastated to have caused offense by using this outmoded terminology. I offer my sincere apologies. I make no excuse for my being an idiot and know the damage is done. I can only hope this incident will highlight the need for correct usage of terminology that is accurate and inoffensive. The most shaming aspect of this for me is that I was talking about racial inequality in the performing arts in the U.K. and the need for rapid improvements in our industry when I used the term.

I feel the complete fool I am and while I am sorry to have offended people and to learn from my mistakes in such a public manner please be assured I have. I apologize again to anyone who I offended for this thoughtless use of inappropriate language about an issue which affects friends of mine and which I care about deeply.

These morons show why weaponizing your drone with Roman candles is a very bad (and very cool) idea.

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I love the smell of recklessness in the morning.


This is "The Most Dangerous Game." I'm talking, of course, about playing with explosives.

Do not turn your store-bought drone into a miniature Predator by strapping Roman candles to its legs. It's definitely dangerous, it's most likely illegal, and you'll probably lose the drone at the very least—which beats getting terrible burns and then having Homeland Security knock on your door when a neighbor calls to say that Al Qaeda has activated SkyNet. If you are going to do it, though, you pretty much have no other choice but to test it on your closest friends. Because everyone else would call the police.

I'm still happy that these idiots did it, though. I mean, c'mon. Someone had to try it. It's a great (and terrible) idea.

Snow Regrets.


Healthy friendship.

Watch this awesome timelapse of a street in Boston being buried by last night's blizzard.

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Now that's how a blizzard's supposed to blizz.

There might be a lot of "snowstorm, schmoschmorm" coming out of New York City today, but in places to the north, the blizzard is real, and those people might be tweeting less because they're too busy burning their floorboards for warmth.

One Boston area resident (and redditor) made a point of documenting the view of this "potentially historic" snowfall from a front porch in the middle of the drop zone. Here's a pretty dramatic timelapse of Juno battering a suburban street from around 10 pm last night until 11 am this morning.

Sam Smith gave Tom Petty a writing credit because their songs are so similar, and here's proof.

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I Will Totally Back Down.


Tom Petty and the Bank-makers.

Sam Smith, the English singer/songwriter whose single 'Stay With Me' reached #2 on the US Billboard charts in 2014, has agreed to pay royalties to rock and roll royalty Tom Petty because of that song's similarities to the 1989 hit 'I Won't Back Down.' If that doesn't make you immediately say, "Oh, that's what it reminded me of," check out this video that lines up the two songs and makes it very, very clear:

As far as musical disputes go, this one has been drama-free. Smith does still insist that the similarities are coincidental, and that he had somehow never heard the Petty song (which was already being played on classic rock stations by the mid-90s), but when Petty's representatives reached out with concerns over the tune, he and his co-writers James Napier and William Phillips decided to simply give Tom Petty and collaborator Jeff Lynne writing credits on 'Stay With Me.'


World News Videos | ABC World News

After all, there's the age-old plausible excuse that they simply remembered the tune from childhood (Smith was born in '92) without realizing it. As Smith's representatives told Billboard,

"Not previously familiar with the 1989 Petty/Lynne song, the writers of 'Stay With Me' listened to 'I Won't Back Down' and acknowledged the similarity. Although the likeness was a complete coincidence, all involved came to an immediate and amicable agreement in which Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne are now credited as co-writers of 'Stay With Me' along with Sam Smith, James Napier and William Phillips."

As for Smith's many Grammy nominations, Petty and Lynne will not be eligible for those. Since they didn't write any new material for the song, they are only credited as the authors of the work Smith, Napier and Phillips adapted into 'Stay With Me.' I understand they'll get some kind of certificate if Smith wins a Grammy, though.

You know, it's like Picasso said, "Good artists copy, great artists steal," and multi-platinum recording artists agree to share credit and royalties—because who wants the headache of looking like Robin Thicke stealing from Marvin Gaye when we could all be making money instead?

So close.

A red carpet reporter asked Rashida Jones where she got her great "tan."

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Rashida Jones's secret to a great tan? Being biracial.

On Sunday night's Screen Actors Guild Awards red carpet, TNT's Danielle Dempski told Rashida Jones she looked "very tan, very tropical."

Of course, the reason Jones (Parks and Recreation, Angie Tribeca) looks so tan is because she's biracial. She tried to explain this as gently as she could to Dempski: "I mean, you know, I'm ethnic."

"Me too," jokes Dempski's co-presenter JD Heyman. Then Dempski says, "It's just being ethnic. That's what it is," with a slightly mocking tone, as if she does not believe that is ever the explanation for brown skin.

Spreading the news.

Science says these 10 celebrities will make the smartest children.

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According to science nerds, if you have a big ass, you're the best evolution has to offer.


Mensa Makers (via Getty Images)

A recent study at the University of Pittsburgh has been taking deep long looks at your ass and decided that the fatter the butt, the smarter the kid.

Apparently, the particular fat that accumulates in women's butts and thighs (DHA - docosahexaenoic acid) specifically aids in brain development, and women pull from those butt fat reserves when they are breastfeeding, which is prime brain building time. So, it stands to reason that the more brain fat on your butt that can feed your baby, the better the brain your baby is going to get.

We've known for a while that men are subliminally attracted to women's curves because those lady humps denote good odds for procreation, but this is the first proof we've had that the curvier the mom, the brainier the baby could be.

Obviously, how intelligent the mother is also contributes to how smart the baby can be but(t), as per usual, we are too busy looking at asses right now.

I'm no scientist, but based on a cursory search for "celebrities with big butts," science has basically concluded that these 10 celebrities will have the smartest kids:

1. Kim Kardashian


Science. (via Getty Images)

2. Jennifer Lopez


More science. (via Getty Images)

3. Nikki MInaj


Handfulls of science. (via Instagram)

4. Serena Williams


Sports science. (via Getty Images)

5. Iggy Azaelia


Science down under. (via Getty Images)

6. Sophia Vergara


Sparkly science. (via Getty Images)

7. Beyoncé


Sciencé. (via Getty Images)

8. Coco


Science has been wrong before. (via Getty Images)

9. Shakira


Science. (via Getty Images)

10. Scarlett Johansson


It doesn't seem that big to me either, but Google says it's science. (via Getty Images)



5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - January 27, 2015

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1. Koch Brothers Planning To Buy U.S. Government For $900 Million

Charles and David Koch have revealed that they are planning to inject $900 million into the 2016 elections in an effort to tip the scales toward politicians willing to hand over the keys to U.S. lawmaking bodies to the billionaire brothers. They would have spent an even $1 billion, but there is apparently a 10% off sale on democracy this cycle.


2. Northeast U.S. Narrowly Survives Historic Several Inches Of Snow

The "historic" and "catastrophic" blizzard that was supposed to bury the northeastern region of the United States under a mountain of snow from which it would not emerge for seven generations didn't really come to fruition. Instead of the dangerous amount of snow they were expecting, the region simply got an annoying amount of snow, which means that you're probably reading this in your office instead of on your couch, like you were hoping.


3. Punk Band Refuses To Be Associated With Lowlife Politician

Celtic-tinged punk band the Dropkick Murphys are demanding that Wisconsin's anti-union, extremely-pro-Koch-Brothers governor, Scott Walker, stop using their song "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" as the intro music to his speeches, lest people start to assume that the working class, Massachusetts-based band does not despise his politics.


4. Hershey Strikes Deal To Keep Americans From Learning How Chocolate Is Supposed To Taste

Hershey's Company has come to an agreement with an importing company to ban British-made chocolates from entering the United States and infecting Americans' idea of how delicious and creamy the confection can taste if manufacturers were simply willing to put in the cost and effort.


5. Alabama Politicians Forced To Choose Between Homophobia And Divorce Proceedings

Alabama's only openly gay state legislator is threatening to expose the extramarital affairs of her fellow lawmakers who come out in opposition to the recent court decision against the state's ban on gay marriage. "I will not stand by and allow legislators to talk about 'family values' when they have affairs, and I know of many who are and have," Democrat Patricia Todd explained of her decision to undermine the sanctity of traditional cheating.

Blizzard of inactivity.

Here's proof last night's blizzard was the most feminist storm in history.

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There are no accidents in weather patterns.

Last night's blizzard may have been a disappointment to New Yorkers hoping for a shorter work week, but it was a huge step forward for feminism.

Winter Storm Juno wasn't just named after a film written by and starring a woman, she was also shaped like a woman's external genitalia, complete with a little purple urethral orifice up by New Brunswick (hi, New Brunswick!). That means the storm's clitoris would be somewhere up by Prince Edward Island, which makes perfect sense.

We've seen plenty of storms shaped like penises, but this is the first one I've seen shaped like a vulva. Today, like August 18, 1920, will go down in history as a major milestone in women's rights.

We're on our way, ladies!

Kitten meets ducklings, gets snuggles, tries to eat them, nearly drowns in feathers.

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When an adorable kitten meets a bunch of tiny ducklings, fuzz flies.

The main thing I learned from this video is: Do not put your tiny kitten in a box of fluffy ducklings.

It will seem cute at first, with the ducklings fighting to get as close to the warm, snuggly kitten as they possibly can. But then things start to get a little frightening.

The ducklings swarm; the kitten fights back with claws out. A human hand reaches down, and it seems like the kitten will be rescued, and this whole ugly scene will end. But the hand slips, the ducklings are in control, and they get closer, closer. There is no escape. So cute!

Off day.

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