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Eat your heart out.


Stephen Hawking wrote a lovely congratulatory note to Eddie Redmayne.

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A brief history of time in a 4-hour telecast.


I wonder if he can watch movies on that thing.(Getty)

For anyone who didn't watch the Academy Awards last night, Eddie Redmayne took home the Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of physicist Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything. Redmayne studied Hawking closely in preparing for the role and met with him as well, so it must have been an even greater validation when he woke up today to this Facebook post from the man himself.

This must have been a relief for Redmayne. I just know, if I were playing one of the most influential scientists of the last century with a neurodegenerative disease, I would feel the pressure. Luckily, Professor Hawking is known for having a sense of humor and not taking himself too seriously, which is good, because he could definitely figure out how to fling you into a black hole if he wanted to.

And the love fest didn't just go one way. Redmayne gave a special shoutout to the whole Hawking family during his acceptance speech last night, saying:

Thank you. Thank you. I don't think I'm capable of articulating quite how I feel right now. I'm fully aware that I am a lucky, lucky man. This Oscar belongs to all of those people around the world battling ALS. It belongs to one exceptional family – Stephen, Jane and the Hawking children. I will be his custodian. I will be at his beck and call. I wait on him hand and foot.

Where have I heard this kind of talk before?

Anyway, it's nice to see two very talented guys showing appreciation for each other, even if one of them is much, much more talented. It would have been nice to see Professor Hawking at the ceremony too, but I'm sure he's got more important things to do. If he was there, I'm sure he would have looked radiant. Just radiating all over the place. Emitting waves and waves of Hawking radiation. That's one of his theories. Check it out.

It should be noted that Professor Hawking has never won a Nobel Prize, so he should get extra points for not being jealous. It also puts the Boyhood snub in perspective.

Watch last night's great Oscars opening number and a recap of how it went downhill right after that.

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The opening was nominated for a Tony. The rest of the show, a Razzie.


Neil Patrick Harris is no stranger to awards hosting, and that was quickly apparent with an entertaining opening number. His monologue addressed the #OscarsSoWhite controversy at the top of the evening, which not many expected, and NPH's multiple stints as Tony host helped out in the singing department right off the bat. Unfortunately for the subsequent three hours, his time with the Tonys may have led Neil to the unfortunate conclusion that people like really corny jokes, puns, and intentional flubs. This is the big time, Neil, and viewers tune into the Oscars to either watch you destroy your jokes' targets or turn on you instead.

In the end, the closest the broadcast came to recapturing the magic was Neil Patrick Harris in his underwear, which was pretty funny once you stopped staring at his dong. Here's a recap of some of the cringiest moments from the NPH Oscars.


It's OK, guys: the Fox anchor who called Lady Gaga's Sound of Music tribute 'jigaboo music' says she has an excuse.

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Kristi Capel has a one-time-only, still-not-very-good excuse.

It was 6:22 a.m. in Cleveland when this little "oops" moment happened on Fox 8's morning news with Kristi Capel and Wayne Dawson. The fact that it was 6:22 a.m. explains most of my willingness to hear Kristi Capel out on her explanation for why she described the instrumentals drowning out (according to her) Lady Gaga's voice as "jigaboo music"—that and the fact that describing The Sound of Music that way actually literally makes no sense.

Jigaboo is an old-timey slur for African Americans. I don't remember much about The Sound of Music, but even though an actual Nazi might not have thought it was a white movie, everyone else knows it's pretty darn pale. Indeed, Capel's co-host Wayne Dawson's face pretty much says exactly what she ended up claiming, i.e. "you have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" This, of course, raises the deeper question: why doesn't Kristi Capel have any idea what the noises emerging from her mouth actually mean?

Greatest headline ever: Puddle of Mudd singer arrested at airport for riding luggage carousel.

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This is the greatest headline in the history of news. I can't stop typing it.

Puddle of Mudd singer arrested at airport for riding luggage carousel.


Every so often, a story comes along that makes journalists like me (not a journalist) love the news again. Usually, that story involves either post-grunge band Puddle of Mudd, or people making mischief in an airport. If it involves both, that's your Woodward and Bernstein moment.

That's why I'm so excited about this story. Puddle of Mudd lead singer Wes Scantlin was arriving at Denver International Airport for a concert when he decided to take a ride on the oversized luggage carousel. To be fair, that's a fantasy all of us have every time we're at an airport. We just don't do it. That's because we're not Puddle of Mudd lead singer Wes Scantlin.

The problem is, not only was that against the rules, but Scantlin rode the carousel all the way back into a prohibited section of the airport, making it grounds for arrest. He was taken to the station and charged with trespassing, but got out on bond and made it to his concert only somewhat late. At least the Puddle of Mudd fans didn't have to pay for his transgressions.

On the day Scantlin was supposed to show up in court, however, he was nowhere to be found, and this image was posted to the band's Facebook page:


A Photoshopped rebel is still a rebel.(via Facebook)

The caption read: "I'm sorry? - Wes"

Who said there are no more outlaws? Here's the raw surveillance video, if you just can't get enough:


Octavia Spencer's reaction to Neil Patrick Harris in his underwear was hilarious.

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I woke up like this. (All images via ABC)

Much has been said about Neil Patrick Harris's childhood nightmare of performing a segment of the Oscars in his underwear. We get it, NPH, you can sing, you're likable, and you're willing to totally embarrass yourself for our amusement. You're great and you have an admirably shiny body.

Mostly, the audience enjoyed the stunt.

Here's David Oyelowo clapping in amusement:


I had a dream I was on stage in my underwear.

And here's Michael Keaton appreciating the comedic nod toward his film:


I wore it better.

But then they cut to Harris's box-watcher, Octavia Spencer...


Cringe.

That's a straight up cringe. No, Patrick, No!

Yes, Octavia, Yes!

While everyone is smiling at the joke and looking up toward his face, Spencer is clearly looking... elsewhere. And she is not impressed.


Poor thing.



You're trying to distract me from watching your box with that?

Take it in. Take it all in.

Here is the whole moment, in case you missed it:


(All images via ABC)

This aerial footage of frozen Niagara Falls is what drones were made for.

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Forget drone strikes. This is a drone home run.

The good folks at NBC News used their handy drone to capture this spectacular footage of Niagara Fall frozen by the epic winter. And the best part: Brian Williams isn't claiming he was on board.

As a word of warning, the sound of the drone is pretty annoying, so you should probably watch it on mute. You know what waterfalls sound like anyway.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - February 23, 2015

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1. Academy Has Perfectly Reasonable Explanation For Why It Inexplicably Chose Not To Honor Joan Rivers

In case you're wondering why comedian and actress Joan Rivers—who, in addition to acting in several films, pretty much invented red carpet color commentary of the Academy Awards as we know it today—was excluded from a sequence paying homage to recently deceased filmmakers and actors during last night's Oscar broadcast, it's because there simply wasn't enough space for her. In a statement submitted to BuzzFeed, Academy officials explained that "Joan Rivers is among the many worthy artists and filmmakers we were unfortunately unable to feature in the 'In Memoriam' segment of this year's Oscar show. She is, however, included in our 'In Memoriam' gallery on Oscar.com." I guess that makes sense, especially since they needed to find space for that classic filmmaker Gabriel Garcia Marquez.


2. Bewildered Nation Still Trying To Make Sense Of Last Night's Lady Gaga Performance

During last night's Oscar broadcast, Lady Gaga sang a medley of songs from The Sound of Music—one of the hundreds of movies that were released fifty years ago to which the pop singer has absolutely no connection—in a very conservative style while wearing a very conservative gown on a very conservatively dressed stage. Julie Andrews—the actress who originated the songs on Broadway and in the classic film and is still perfectly capable of singing them today—then came out on stage for no discernible reason. This footage of the event would seem to suggest that it was not an incident of mass delusion:



3. Kirk Cameron Wins/Loses Big At Razzie Awards

Conservative Christian actor and filmmaker Kirk Cameron finally received the respect he deserves when his latest film Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas swept the major categories at Saturday night's Razzie Awards. I'm not familiar with this particular award show, but I'm assuming it's very prestigious. Good for him!


4. Internet Once Again Braces For Possible Trauma Of Non-White Spider-Man

Racist comic book obsessives are preparing to go into full meltdown mode soon as new rumors bubble up on the Internet claiming that the person under the mask of the soon-to-be-rebooted-once-again Spider-man will be (prepare yourself) not white. "I'm 95% sure," film reporter Jeff Sneider portends, "Spider-Man's going to be most likely black. But there's a chance he could also be Latino. 95% sure, not white." Time to reinforce the legs on your fainting couch, because there's going to be a lot of portly dudes crashing on it soon.



5. DC Trying Oh So Very Hard To Make Aquaman Cool

DC released the costume design for the upcoming big screen manifestation of Aquaman, and it's almost too adorable for words how hard they're trying to make a guy who controls fish with his mind into a badass superhero. Here's a fan video trying equally hard:



Emma Watson thanked Steve Carell for wearing #HeForShe cufflinks and revealed embarrassing crush details.

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Even though Emma Watson didn't attend the Oscars last night, she gave out her own award for "Best Actor Supporting A Great Cause."


I do! Want you to be my dad! (via Getty Images)

While he didn't win the Oscar for Best Actor, Steve Carell did win Watson's heart by wearing cufflinks supporting her UN Women's movement, HeForShe, which is a call for people of both genders to become involved in gender equality.

To thank him, Emma wrote this very sweet note remarking on how she has always loved him throughout his career, even to the point of wanting to "marry you or have you adopt me."

Dear Steve Carell,
You were pure genius in "Little Miss Sunshine" (one of my all time favourite films), my brother became obsessed with you after "Anchorman," I wanted to marry you or have you adopt me after "Crazy, Stupid, Love," I hated that guy you played in "The Way Way Back," and then you were mind-blowing in "Foxcatcher." I think you're so awesome and today you are wearing ‪#‎HeForShe‬ Monique Péan cufflinks at the Oscars to support Gender Equality. Couldn't be more proud! THANK YOU.
Love,
Emma x

Most of the people replying to the tweet are losing their minds over how cute her handwriting is but, I'm just curious, where can Oscar-nominated celebrities like Carell and myself (ok, not myself) get their hands on those links?

I checked out the HeForShe shop, and all I found were t-shirts.

Emma did show a picture of the links on her Instagram, though no info on how to get them onto my cuffs.

I guess for now the only links I can get from Watson are the romantic ones she was rumored to have with Harry (Prince of) Wales that she has been busy deflecting.

Your Monday blues don't stand a chance against this dancing poodle.

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This dog is named Nutella because she is as smooth as she is sweet.

There are other dogs in this video, including some sort of Goldendoodle creature who briefly acts as Nutella the teacup poodle's hype-dog, but really there's only one: Nutella. With a dance video that will never go stale, just like her hazelnut-chocolate namesake, Nutella is here to remind you that Monday, like every day, is for rocking it non-stop.

This video comes from the Furry Kids At Home doggie daycare in Morningside, Australia.

Richard Pryor's widow called Bill Cosby "a piece of sh*t" because she's our hero.

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Carry on my legacy, motherfucker.


We should have known Richard Pryor would marry a badass.(Getty)

Another voice has been added to the chorus of people denouncing Bill Cosby, this time with an insider perspective: Jennifer Lee Pryor, Richard Pryor's widow.

Lee was appearing on the Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend podcast to talk about Pryor, his legacy, and her involvement in his upcoming biopic. Pryor had known Cosby since they were starting out as young comics, and the two didn't exactly have a friendly relationship. Considering that, as well as the allegations that continue to pile up against Cosby, it's no surprise that Lee didn't hold back with her words:

“Richard was dirty on the outside, but he was a good person on the inside. Bill, he hated Richard because he 'worked dirty'. Bill worked clean, so therefore, you know—Bill's just a fucking hypocrite, and dirty on the inside…. It was a well-kept secret that Bill fucked everything that moved. [But] this kind of shit that we're finding out about is beyond—I mean, I wasn't aware of this kind of business."

Lee added, "He's done… he's a piece of shit."

Well said indeed.

Noises off.

Awkward moment.

On the list.

This octopus jumps out of the water to kill a crab and make you fear the sea.

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Warning: NSFC (not safe for crabs)

Do you love the beach? Not anymore! This video comes from Australia, but in case you think that makes you safe, lots of octopuses can leave the water. They are, however, mostly nocturnal, so if an octopus does ooze out of the sea to bite you with its sharp beak and poison you with its venom, it'll probably do it in the dark. Like when you're in your bed at night. Think about that the next time you're getting sushi.

And here are some more terrifying octopuses for your pleasure:

1. Octopus goes from invisible to terrifying sea demon in 2 seconds.

2. Watch this giant octopus ooze its way through a tiny little opening.


5 people having a worse Monday than you.

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5. Carrie Underwood, because Lady Gaga made people remember her lame performance as Maria.

You may have started to forget just how terrible Carrie Underwood was in the NBC's The Sound of Music Live! as Maria. Carrie Underwood sure hopes so, since her 2013 performance was almost universally panned. Girl can sing, but she cannot act worth a damn. (She sure is pretty, though!) Anyway, viewers of last night's Oscars were reminded of Underwood's failings when Lady Gaga blew her Sound of Music tribute out of the water. Who would have thought that a tatted-up Maria just works? —SRD

4. Bill O'Reilly, who may have embellished his war stories.


(Getty)

One would think that after Bill O'Reilly called Mother Jones' David Corn a "irresponsible guttersnipe" for daring to point out discrepancies in the Fox News host's stories of being a "war zone" journalist, that would be that. Unfortunately, a number of CBS staffers are now coming forward to point out that, contrary to O'Reilly's accounts, there was no "combat situation" in Buenos Aires on the 1982 day he was there covering the Falklands War from 1,000 miles away. The bad news for O'Reilly is that now he will have to come up with an even more damning insult than "irresponsible guttersnipe" for these guys. The good news is, regardless of how this shakes out, the public trust in his integrity will remain exactly the same. —DD

3. This college student named Dean, who ordered a bunch of fake IDs that got accidentally sent to his college's dean.


(Thinkstock)

When it comes to the case of the college student named Dean who ordered fake IDs from China only to have them end up at the college dean's office, Radnor, PA Police Superintendent William Colarulo says, "You can't make this up." Well, I think an 80s teen comedy writer might have been able to imagine it, but that's not going to make Dean feel any less stupid. Dean and his seven friends who ordered IDs (some with their real names) from Guangzhou, China, escaped criminal charges but are facing discipline from their school and their parents. Police declined to identify the student or the schools, but my money is on Villanova out of the local universities. —JMC

2. Everyone John Travolta got handsy with last night.

John Travolta was on the prowl at the Oscars last night, pressing his hands (and occasionally, his lips) to every woman in his path. Well, okay, we technically only saw him weirdly grabbing Scarlett Johansson and Idina "When will this Adele Dazeem thing stop following me around?" Menzel, but both times he looked like a creeper, and neither woman seemed particularly down to be groped. If either of you gals is thinking about working out in the middle of the night, don't. —SRD

1. Fans of Joan Rivers, who got snubbed by the Oscars' "In Memoriam" segment.


(Getty)

Wherever Joan Rivers watched the Oscars from last night, she probably had a hilarious reaction to not being included in the "In Memoriam" segment. We fans were left both annoyed that she was left out and missing her funny take on the whole thing. An Oscars rep explained that there simply wasn't enough time to include everyone—to be fair, Rivers was more of a TV star than a movie star, despite her importance on the red carpet—but that Rivers could be seen in their tribute on Oscars.com (ouch). —SRD

Snubbed.

Sesame Street's 'House of Cards' parody starring Frank Underwolf is scary good.

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Come to think of it, cards aren't a great building material, either.

Almost assassinated by Mitt Romney in 2012, the PBS children's educational series Sesame Street is no stranger to hard-knuckle politics, and that shows in this awesome parody of Netflix's House of Cards that was sure to entertain parents while retelling the Three Little Pigs story to kids. The spoof shows why Sesame Street is one of the most decorated shows on TV, with 8 Primetime Emmys and 108 Daytime Emmys under its belt. The house of straw is clearly the US Congress and the house of sticks is clearly the Supreme Court, and Frank Underwolf blows through them like his namesake dismantles the US government to get to their ultimate goal: the White House.

This will just have to tide you over unless Netflix accidentally uploads the whole series again. In the meantime, you can also enjoy this new trailer Netflix released last night:


Try not to cry watching this blind man see his wife for the first time in 10 years.

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Do not watch if you want to keep your cool.

You can be as cynical as you want, but it's hard not to feel the emotions of Allen Zderad as he lays eyes on his wife for the first time in ten years.

Zderad suffers from retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease with no cure. He has been completely blind for the last ten years, but thanks to a new system called Second Sight, part of his vision has been restored.

The system is pretty amazing. A microchip implanted in his eye receives signals from a camera mounted on his glasses and feeds it into his optic nerve, allowing him to see an extremely pixellated, black-and-white version of his wife's face.


Remember the Game Boy Camera?(via Mayo Clinic)

It may not look like much to you or me, but as Zderad says, "It's crude, but it's significant."

Anyway, he can see about as clearly as we can through our tears watching this video. Damn you, feelings!

This is the proper way to respond to ugly graffiti on your building.

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"Hey, look! It's an original Rick?"

So, some kid uglied up your nice pinkish-beige cinder-block-and-brick building with an inscrutable spray paint tag. What are you gonna do? What is there to do but throw away the building and replace it with a newer, cleaner one? Unless...

What if there was some way that you could make that worthless, dumb-looking graffiti into some valuable, dumb-looking art? As redditor HomeSteadmond demonstrates here, as long as you've got a little paper and a working printer, all your problems are solved:


"$3.89?! You'd be stupid not to buy it!"

If I'm recalling Art History 101 correctly, this is the exact same way that Rembrandt got his start in the art biz.

And just in case you're having a hard time believing that this is on the level, HomeSteadmond offers this photo as proof that it is not shopped.


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